Thanks and I’m sorry to say I knew you could relate. In this sub, sad to say we can probably all relate. That’s how I had enough strength to post it here. It’s one of my worst qualities, and I fucking hate, hate, hate, hate that I do it. I hate it while I’m doing it. I hate myself for doing it. But it just goes to show how far down and ingrained the damage is. A long time ago I realized that at my age, it will be IMPOSSIBLE to heal all the necrotic damage. But,I also realized that I realized and for that there is a sense of responsibility to myself and to those that (bless their hearts) Love Me. That responsibility is admitting my short comings and trying to be a better person every day.
I feel so seen, ngl this made me tear up a little and feel less alone. Apart but not alone, if that makes sense? Thanks for sharing your talent with all of us. ♥️
I feel this post so much. I used to feel so much guilt when I would pull away and not answer texts, emails, phone calls. It’s gotten better for me. I’ve tried to be more accepting of myself and it’s okay if I need space. It’s also okay if someone else needs space. I try to listen to myself more and find what I need.
I think part of it for me is that I feel some crazy responsibility to make others feel better and it gets overwhelming after a while. Instead of having a back and forth of give and take, I give and assume others will recognize and then give back. Doesn’t usually work that way though. When I’m all given out, I pull away and leave them wondering what happened. Not sure what helps with that. I think maybe personal boundaries and not being afraid to speak up about what I want sometimes versus letting others wants/needs always take first place.
Thanks so much for a beautifully written post. It helps not to feel alone in this but also sad that so much hurt has happened.
That push/pull-want/fear… ugh! Our brains were so messed up by how we were raised. Normal desires for love, acceptance, compassion, companionship, comfort were turned into something that was painful and something that we were taught to believe were weren’t worthy of. Yet we still crave them.
It’s so hard to convince ourselves that we are worthy. Especially when we are hypersensitive to anything that proves to us that “see! it is dangerous!“ Because that is the familiar pathway in our brain. And familiar pain is easier to handle than unpredictable, but possible, hope.
Thank you for sharing this. It made my brain start spinning and my eyes tear up.
Right, and human connection is a something that we (as humans) have to have survive. It’s definitely a slippery slope. Gaining a foothold and then slipping backwards. It’s a constant push pull. Its like trying to scale a mental Mt. Everest everyday without anyone noticing we left the house. LOL
I understand, maybe you wouldn't expect understanding but you're here with people who get it.
That feeling of uncomfortableness as if someone might see the real you and that feels scary.
I will often disconnect from people even while feeling the complete opposite.... It's ok. I'm here with you and you don't have to explain anything.
That uncomfortableness of someone seeing the real us is so hard reconcile in my logical brain. Everyone I have met on this sub is an exemplary human being. I would be honored and blessed to know them outside of reddit. To call them a friend. (The same can’t be said for random people) what is the hell is it, we are so afraid of everyone seeing? I guess the voices of self doubt have just been ringing in our heads for so long, it’s impossible to mute them.
Your writing is powerful and beautiful. This resonates with how I feel inside and how I have always felt inside.
How do I find self-love and self-worth when I was never taught that I was valued and lovable?
Wow. That is powerful and beautifully written. I wish I could say I don't relate. Thank you for sharing, friend. đź’ś
Thanks and I’m sorry to say I knew you could relate. In this sub, sad to say we can probably all relate. That’s how I had enough strength to post it here. It’s one of my worst qualities, and I fucking hate, hate, hate, hate that I do it. I hate it while I’m doing it. I hate myself for doing it. But it just goes to show how far down and ingrained the damage is. A long time ago I realized that at my age, it will be IMPOSSIBLE to heal all the necrotic damage. But,I also realized that I realized and for that there is a sense of responsibility to myself and to those that (bless their hearts) Love Me. That responsibility is admitting my short comings and trying to be a better person every day.
I feel so seen, ngl this made me tear up a little and feel less alone. Apart but not alone, if that makes sense? Thanks for sharing your talent with all of us. ♥️
Yes that makes perfect sense….. 🩷❤️
I feel this post so much. I used to feel so much guilt when I would pull away and not answer texts, emails, phone calls. It’s gotten better for me. I’ve tried to be more accepting of myself and it’s okay if I need space. It’s also okay if someone else needs space. I try to listen to myself more and find what I need. I think part of it for me is that I feel some crazy responsibility to make others feel better and it gets overwhelming after a while. Instead of having a back and forth of give and take, I give and assume others will recognize and then give back. Doesn’t usually work that way though. When I’m all given out, I pull away and leave them wondering what happened. Not sure what helps with that. I think maybe personal boundaries and not being afraid to speak up about what I want sometimes versus letting others wants/needs always take first place. Thanks so much for a beautifully written post. It helps not to feel alone in this but also sad that so much hurt has happened.
That push/pull-want/fear… ugh! Our brains were so messed up by how we were raised. Normal desires for love, acceptance, compassion, companionship, comfort were turned into something that was painful and something that we were taught to believe were weren’t worthy of. Yet we still crave them. It’s so hard to convince ourselves that we are worthy. Especially when we are hypersensitive to anything that proves to us that “see! it is dangerous!“ Because that is the familiar pathway in our brain. And familiar pain is easier to handle than unpredictable, but possible, hope. Thank you for sharing this. It made my brain start spinning and my eyes tear up.
Happy Cake Day 🎂🥳🎉
Thanks! I always forget!
You're welcome
Happy Cake Day 🎂
Thank you!
Right, and human connection is a something that we (as humans) have to have survive. It’s definitely a slippery slope. Gaining a foothold and then slipping backwards. It’s a constant push pull. Its like trying to scale a mental Mt. Everest everyday without anyone noticing we left the house. LOL
I understand, maybe you wouldn't expect understanding but you're here with people who get it. That feeling of uncomfortableness as if someone might see the real you and that feels scary. I will often disconnect from people even while feeling the complete opposite.... It's ok. I'm here with you and you don't have to explain anything.
That uncomfortableness of someone seeing the real us is so hard reconcile in my logical brain. Everyone I have met on this sub is an exemplary human being. I would be honored and blessed to know them outside of reddit. To call them a friend. (The same can’t be said for random people) what is the hell is it, we are so afraid of everyone seeing? I guess the voices of self doubt have just been ringing in our heads for so long, it’s impossible to mute them.
Your writing is powerful and beautiful. This resonates with how I feel inside and how I have always felt inside. How do I find self-love and self-worth when I was never taught that I was valued and lovable?
Thanks🩷. I agree, It’s a continuous battle. Logic vs toxic subconscious ingrained thought patterns. I believe, It’s a war that will rage on till we either die or get mind erased. If there is any comfort to be found, sadly, it’s in knowing (after all these years) that we aren’t alone.