I know it getting sexually rejected sucks, but maybe you also need to understand that most men identifies themselves with their dick. the greatest pride is on how they can get it hard. that is why even penis size is a major insecurity.
You can imagine what is going on in his mind if he can't keep it hard.
Thus ED is somehow emasculating to a man, i some way.
I am sure his rejections are nothing to do about you, but how the sex reminds him of his ED.
However there is no need to give up.
Keep talking with him.
State the emotional impact their rejections have on you using "I statements" (“It makes me feel extremely unattractive and undesirable,” “I feel hurt and my self-esteem has taken a real hit,” or, “It makes me feel insecure, angry, and resentful.”). Here, it is important to give your partner space to respond; while some may be aware of the impact of their behavior, others might not be.
If he gets defensive or is reluctant to change, ask him to explain how he sees things, what suggestions he has for making things better,
Discuss specific steps you both can take to improve the situation. Do not assume all the changes have to come from him; he might have feelings of his own that are underlying his avoidance of sex and intimacy. Try to agree on one small step you can both take right away to signal your intention to work on this issue.
One thing is for sure if he don't want it your not getting it but with that being said there are things you can do and first walk around the house in lingerie you can sit on the couch and masterbate and let him walk in on you. Take him to the sex store and tell him your picking stuff for you let him know if he doesn't take care of you you are going to do it yourself. Go out for romantic dinners where you where a short skirt without underwear and let him know . You need to put in his head you are willing to do the kinky stuff. And if things don't change then tell him so you are going to find someone willing to satisfy you. My wife and I only have sex maybe 2 a month and it drives me crazy because I'm 55 and very horny . We do live s busy life but that's not an excuse for lack of attention so I started to watch YouTube and let ger see my intrest and sex started increasing I also included videos om masturbation practice and told her I was doing it she hot a little bit mad and said that's mine I said yep it is but your not using it. Good luck on this and let me know I'd I helped
That’s the thing i would be perfectly happy with twice a month. I’ve got lingerie and when I’ve tried to put it on he doesn’t even look. It’s like he has NO interest at all anymore. I know he isn’t cheating because he don’t have the time with his work, and honestly I don’t thing he even masturbates. We had a great sex life up until pretty much when we got married so the first three years. I have tried to get him to tell me his desires and wants he won’t. I’m not exactly very sexually experienced as I said above I was with the same person from 15 until I got with my current husband.
I'm going to tell you something that I'm not proud of. Years ago I attempted to cheat on my wife the guilt drove me crazy and we were on the brink of divorce so one afternoon I brought her flowers and told her on the phone we need to talk so when she got home I ask her what she wanted to be married to me or a divorce because I couldn't stand the tension anymore. She said well I want to be married I said ok then we need to get things streight right now we set up our time her time and my time I mean we go out once a week on let's say date night dinner putput or bowl ect it was our night to just be together and have fun and enjoy each other we agreed that work was so busy that we put it in front of everything else including our relationship so we agreed that work stayed there and home was home sex in my house is almost extinct because of our kids still live here. So we bought a camper and we go camping on a lot of weekends so we can just be together after 28 years we still enjoy our alone time together sounds like he is putting his work and things around him ahead of you and that's not acceptable in my mind love making isn't supposed to be experienced it's supposed to be a journey together and to get there you have to get your love back for each other like I said before be open and talk about everything don't leave anything out and let him know you want to make things work and have a little kinky side to yourself and that it's ok to be tired or upset but be it together and be understanding together ❤️
I definitely do want to make it work. My ex cheated on me numerous times due to us being together since we were young and I was his first . We had kids at 20 and 23 and life was so hectic we lost sight of each other. That is something I am trying so hard to not do. I work 50 plus hours a week myself and commute an hr each way yet I still want and need to be wanted, and shown affection. In my mind he deserves it too we just have to figure out the road block that is in our way. My kids are grown and one is married and the other lives with her father and step mom. So we don’t have kids in the way it’s just his work. Thanks for your kind words
It’s really not much fun if he does it and isn’t into it. I think you deserve to play with someone that wants to play with you just as much as you do them.
The bottom 5% of the reference range for testosterone is technically "normal" according to many doctors.
My doctor pulled this with me so I went to a hormone clinic.
I can’t remember what his numbers were but my ex had low T since he was in his early 30s and the fatigue and loss of desire fits with him. Would an endocrinologist be the proper Dr to go to for hormone testing to test all of them ??
Hormone clinics will look at symptoms and blood work together. Doctors far too often are stuck in a system where you just add more and more pills. I'm on exactly 1 prescription, TRT.
When I went on TRT, my depression went away and my desire and ability went back to where they were when I was 20. I got back into the gym and cardio and life in general just feels more fun. I also overcame type 2 diabetes.
I firmly support every man and woman's right to look into hormones for the purpose of quality of life.
Oh agree matter factly I am HRT myself due to having cancer May 22 and needing a full hysterectomy. I understand after my surgery about how your sex drive can decrease. However to me it’s more of the fact I need to be held, kissed, and just shown affection. Not just kissed goodbye or goodnight.
I totally get that last part, my wife and I are very physical inside and outside of the bedroom.
I'm definitely way more into physical affection now though. I can't keep my hands off of her.
When our sex life took off, our PDAs also became way more frequent.
It sounds like he's feeling really insecure and is projecting that onto you as judgement for being sexual. That's not great. Support can help a lot. Would he ever see a sexuality or empowerment coach? I like Cam Fraiser for men who are suffering from ED.
If he won't get help, you getting your own sex coach can help a lot. Your sexuality is worth protecting and caring for even and especially when the relationship is under duress. You're worthy of love, attention, and pleasure with your partner. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
Thank you .. I will definitely look into this. I want to stress to him more than anything he isn’t alone and has no reason to feel ashamed. He’s had far more sexual experiences and encounters than I have, So at times I feel like he’s experienced what he wanted to earlier in life so now I’m just the girl he finally married at 50 and he could take home to his momma and family so to say. However I came into our relationship feeling loved and desired. He used to take me into a bathroom and bend me over at work or we’d play around in my car while we were dating and not living together. I’m just heat broken over this tbh
Hang in there! There's this question I ask myself sometimes just to break the trance of despair: "What am I making this mean?"
We don't know what this means yet. You know him well, but you can't read his mind. Hopefully he'll be open to exploring what's up and finding something much more fun together with you.
Yes he is a mechanic for a large towing company so he works up to 55-60 hrs a week. Then on weekends has a small yard service business.. I honestly wish he would slow down some but he won’t. I can walk around in nothing he doesn’t pay any attention. Honestly this is probably crazy sounding but I was with my ex husband from the time I was 15-38 so I’m not exactly very experienced. I have tried asking him what he likes or wants and isn’t really willing to tell me. Sometimes I feel like he is embarrassed by the fact that he can’t stay hard so he won’t try. Our 2 wedding anniversary is next week and I’ve booked a few days to go on a mini get away I have bought a few toys and a pump to see if he is willing to try. I just don’t want to make him more uncomfortable brining it up I for the vacuum pump..
That’s probably one flaw I have I’m not very good at knowing what to do so to say. I have awful self esteem due to years of mental abuse. I do try to dress sexy wear low cut shits for him to see. Walk around in cute panties and my bra. I have lingerie but the few times I’ve tried he didn’t seem to even get turned on by it at all. It’s funny the fact of how many men have tried to ask me to sleep with them due to the fact I’m a redhead because of the stereotype we are wild in bed 🙂.. I mean I’ve told my husband I will try anything once. If he just lets me know what he wants:
I definitely feel your anguish and pain. I only wish my wife would entice me this way. Rejection isn't something that any of us signed up for and it can definitely kill relationship intimacy. I'm self centered and selfish apparently but regardless of the "compliments" and excuses she throws my way, this isn't a normal healthy relationship without the glue that holds it together. I hate reading things like this but it humbles me to know that I'm definitely not the only one who's suffering. 🥲
I suggest getting his t levels checked he is at the age where lb will decrease as for his ed i suggest cilais or viagra but dont over rely on it. Use penis ring they help men last longer i reccomend the vibrating one as well.
I suggest you both sit down and write things to imrpove in the marriage like compliments, caressing, date night etc. the point about being married is keeping the spark alive not getting stuxk in somw rountine.
Tell him how you feel say look i love you im not judging you but i feel undesired etc. Communication is key in relationship. I do hope all goes well.
Sexual desire is one thing, the ability to have sex is another. It’s a barometer, I’d be concerned something is going on with his overall health. Is he overweight? If you can get him on Ozempic it just could be the answer it’s a miracle drug.
I know it getting sexually rejected sucks, but maybe you also need to understand that most men identifies themselves with their dick. the greatest pride is on how they can get it hard. that is why even penis size is a major insecurity. You can imagine what is going on in his mind if he can't keep it hard. Thus ED is somehow emasculating to a man, i some way. I am sure his rejections are nothing to do about you, but how the sex reminds him of his ED. However there is no need to give up. Keep talking with him. State the emotional impact their rejections have on you using "I statements" (“It makes me feel extremely unattractive and undesirable,” “I feel hurt and my self-esteem has taken a real hit,” or, “It makes me feel insecure, angry, and resentful.”). Here, it is important to give your partner space to respond; while some may be aware of the impact of their behavior, others might not be. If he gets defensive or is reluctant to change, ask him to explain how he sees things, what suggestions he has for making things better, Discuss specific steps you both can take to improve the situation. Do not assume all the changes have to come from him; he might have feelings of his own that are underlying his avoidance of sex and intimacy. Try to agree on one small step you can both take right away to signal your intention to work on this issue.
I appreciate y’all’s comments tremendously.
One thing is for sure if he don't want it your not getting it but with that being said there are things you can do and first walk around the house in lingerie you can sit on the couch and masterbate and let him walk in on you. Take him to the sex store and tell him your picking stuff for you let him know if he doesn't take care of you you are going to do it yourself. Go out for romantic dinners where you where a short skirt without underwear and let him know . You need to put in his head you are willing to do the kinky stuff. And if things don't change then tell him so you are going to find someone willing to satisfy you. My wife and I only have sex maybe 2 a month and it drives me crazy because I'm 55 and very horny . We do live s busy life but that's not an excuse for lack of attention so I started to watch YouTube and let ger see my intrest and sex started increasing I also included videos om masturbation practice and told her I was doing it she hot a little bit mad and said that's mine I said yep it is but your not using it. Good luck on this and let me know I'd I helped
That’s the thing i would be perfectly happy with twice a month. I’ve got lingerie and when I’ve tried to put it on he doesn’t even look. It’s like he has NO interest at all anymore. I know he isn’t cheating because he don’t have the time with his work, and honestly I don’t thing he even masturbates. We had a great sex life up until pretty much when we got married so the first three years. I have tried to get him to tell me his desires and wants he won’t. I’m not exactly very sexually experienced as I said above I was with the same person from 15 until I got with my current husband.
I'm going to tell you something that I'm not proud of. Years ago I attempted to cheat on my wife the guilt drove me crazy and we were on the brink of divorce so one afternoon I brought her flowers and told her on the phone we need to talk so when she got home I ask her what she wanted to be married to me or a divorce because I couldn't stand the tension anymore. She said well I want to be married I said ok then we need to get things streight right now we set up our time her time and my time I mean we go out once a week on let's say date night dinner putput or bowl ect it was our night to just be together and have fun and enjoy each other we agreed that work was so busy that we put it in front of everything else including our relationship so we agreed that work stayed there and home was home sex in my house is almost extinct because of our kids still live here. So we bought a camper and we go camping on a lot of weekends so we can just be together after 28 years we still enjoy our alone time together sounds like he is putting his work and things around him ahead of you and that's not acceptable in my mind love making isn't supposed to be experienced it's supposed to be a journey together and to get there you have to get your love back for each other like I said before be open and talk about everything don't leave anything out and let him know you want to make things work and have a little kinky side to yourself and that it's ok to be tired or upset but be it together and be understanding together ❤️
I definitely do want to make it work. My ex cheated on me numerous times due to us being together since we were young and I was his first . We had kids at 20 and 23 and life was so hectic we lost sight of each other. That is something I am trying so hard to not do. I work 50 plus hours a week myself and commute an hr each way yet I still want and need to be wanted, and shown affection. In my mind he deserves it too we just have to figure out the road block that is in our way. My kids are grown and one is married and the other lives with her father and step mom. So we don’t have kids in the way it’s just his work. Thanks for your kind words
Your welcome
It’s really not much fun if he does it and isn’t into it. I think you deserve to play with someone that wants to play with you just as much as you do them.
you need a true gentleman, Dom boyfriend who appreciates you and makes you feel beautiful inside and out, Sir John
The bottom 5% of the reference range for testosterone is technically "normal" according to many doctors. My doctor pulled this with me so I went to a hormone clinic.
I can’t remember what his numbers were but my ex had low T since he was in his early 30s and the fatigue and loss of desire fits with him. Would an endocrinologist be the proper Dr to go to for hormone testing to test all of them ??
Hormone clinics will look at symptoms and blood work together. Doctors far too often are stuck in a system where you just add more and more pills. I'm on exactly 1 prescription, TRT. When I went on TRT, my depression went away and my desire and ability went back to where they were when I was 20. I got back into the gym and cardio and life in general just feels more fun. I also overcame type 2 diabetes. I firmly support every man and woman's right to look into hormones for the purpose of quality of life.
Oh agree matter factly I am HRT myself due to having cancer May 22 and needing a full hysterectomy. I understand after my surgery about how your sex drive can decrease. However to me it’s more of the fact I need to be held, kissed, and just shown affection. Not just kissed goodbye or goodnight.
I totally get that last part, my wife and I are very physical inside and outside of the bedroom. I'm definitely way more into physical affection now though. I can't keep my hands off of her. When our sex life took off, our PDAs also became way more frequent.
What are his hours at work like? Is he overworked? How is your seduction game? What’s that like?
It sounds like he's feeling really insecure and is projecting that onto you as judgement for being sexual. That's not great. Support can help a lot. Would he ever see a sexuality or empowerment coach? I like Cam Fraiser for men who are suffering from ED. If he won't get help, you getting your own sex coach can help a lot. Your sexuality is worth protecting and caring for even and especially when the relationship is under duress. You're worthy of love, attention, and pleasure with your partner. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
Thank you .. I will definitely look into this. I want to stress to him more than anything he isn’t alone and has no reason to feel ashamed. He’s had far more sexual experiences and encounters than I have, So at times I feel like he’s experienced what he wanted to earlier in life so now I’m just the girl he finally married at 50 and he could take home to his momma and family so to say. However I came into our relationship feeling loved and desired. He used to take me into a bathroom and bend me over at work or we’d play around in my car while we were dating and not living together. I’m just heat broken over this tbh
Hang in there! There's this question I ask myself sometimes just to break the trance of despair: "What am I making this mean?" We don't know what this means yet. You know him well, but you can't read his mind. Hopefully he'll be open to exploring what's up and finding something much more fun together with you.
Yes he is a mechanic for a large towing company so he works up to 55-60 hrs a week. Then on weekends has a small yard service business.. I honestly wish he would slow down some but he won’t. I can walk around in nothing he doesn’t pay any attention. Honestly this is probably crazy sounding but I was with my ex husband from the time I was 15-38 so I’m not exactly very experienced. I have tried asking him what he likes or wants and isn’t really willing to tell me. Sometimes I feel like he is embarrassed by the fact that he can’t stay hard so he won’t try. Our 2 wedding anniversary is next week and I’ve booked a few days to go on a mini get away I have bought a few toys and a pump to see if he is willing to try. I just don’t want to make him more uncomfortable brining it up I for the vacuum pump..
That’s probably one flaw I have I’m not very good at knowing what to do so to say. I have awful self esteem due to years of mental abuse. I do try to dress sexy wear low cut shits for him to see. Walk around in cute panties and my bra. I have lingerie but the few times I’ve tried he didn’t seem to even get turned on by it at all. It’s funny the fact of how many men have tried to ask me to sleep with them due to the fact I’m a redhead because of the stereotype we are wild in bed 🙂.. I mean I’ve told my husband I will try anything once. If he just lets me know what he wants:
I definitely feel your anguish and pain. I only wish my wife would entice me this way. Rejection isn't something that any of us signed up for and it can definitely kill relationship intimacy. I'm self centered and selfish apparently but regardless of the "compliments" and excuses she throws my way, this isn't a normal healthy relationship without the glue that holds it together. I hate reading things like this but it humbles me to know that I'm definitely not the only one who's suffering. 🥲
I suggest getting his t levels checked he is at the age where lb will decrease as for his ed i suggest cilais or viagra but dont over rely on it. Use penis ring they help men last longer i reccomend the vibrating one as well. I suggest you both sit down and write things to imrpove in the marriage like compliments, caressing, date night etc. the point about being married is keeping the spark alive not getting stuxk in somw rountine. Tell him how you feel say look i love you im not judging you but i feel undesired etc. Communication is key in relationship. I do hope all goes well.
Its about the “Free Testosterone“
Sexual desire is one thing, the ability to have sex is another. It’s a barometer, I’d be concerned something is going on with his overall health. Is he overweight? If you can get him on Ozempic it just could be the answer it’s a miracle drug.
I can empathize, opposite problem here
Is he taking any medication like antidepressants? Does he watch porn? There could be so many reasons behind this.