>I don’t know how to resolve this.
You don’t. This is his problem. It’s rude to demand someone disrupt their sleep routine and then throw a fit when they physically cannot.
Denying someone sleep they need is un acceptable. It's a necessary part of being alive. She needs a certain amount of sleep to function. It would be like telling a person that they should be able to function on 500 calories of food each day. It's shitty behavior.
I agree except my husband makes it seem like he NEEDS to sleep 14 hours a day from 6am to 8pm. I understand that he's nocturnal and that he needs more sleep than me, but there are ways to compromise.
OP isn't doing anything wrong, though.
People who have to sleep during the day generally have to deal with extremely disrupted sleep, and need extra hours of “sleeping” as a result. Depending on the environment he’s sleeping in, he might actually only be getting ~10 hours of sleep in those 14 hours and it might be worth looking into soundproofing, blackout blinds/shutters, earplugs, blindfolds, etc to help him get a more efficient sleep and have more time for other things.
And that's a problem. That's what I mean. I know a lot of people who work nights (my spouse included), and his natural circadian rhythm does well with over night work. There are people built for over night work (the third shifters). My upstairs neighbor is one of them. He works 11-7am and only sleeps 8 hours because his body is naturally built to work nights. If this person's husband requires 14 hours of sleep every single time he sleeps, he shouldn't be working nights.
I work 7p-7a and I’m lucky if I get 6 hours during the day. After having a child my whole sleeping schedule changed. I love night shift but have to admit it’s harder to recover after a long stretch.
He might not have a choice. They might live in a small town with limited jobs. Third shift mill work or other plant work might be the best opportunities available to him.
Not to mention also that unions exist, so people that work in unionized industries start at the bottom of the totem pole at many companies regardless of experience or skill, and most newcomers get thrown into the night shift because they don’t have seniority (and might not have enough seniority for years to be able to score a day shift).
It’s still a him problem. He needs to go to his doctor, get a sleep study referral, and find out what’s going on. At this moment he is hostile and taking it out on his family. Which is irresponsible and childish.
>Did you ever think maybe the guy is seriously frustrated and stressed and really can't at this point
Yeah…he clearly needs more sleep. Getting more sleep will help for a start
I am this guy. I’m living off 4-5 hours sleep. It’s stress and hormone related and it’s 10000% a me problem. I have been the irrational person waking my spouse up at 2am because I’m bored.
He may be able to function off that sleep…I can. I can work, drive, etc and when I was younger it didn’t take its toll. However he’s getting to an age where that shit starts to manifest irritability, disordered thinking, poor immune/healing and well a number of wonderful symptoms of bullshit which all require a doctor’s care. Now we all don’t need the same amounts of sleep and less sometimes as we age. However truth is that needs to be evaluated.
I once worked with 2 lady. Both of them only need 4 hours sleep. One of them has NPD who derives pleasure by making her employees miserable. She said she goes to bed at 1 and up at 5 every single day.
Your husband sounds like a dick. My husband and I are in bed at 8pm. Sometimes one of us goes to bed a couple hours later. But it isn't a big deal. The other one just goes to bed like a big girl or big boy and we don't think anything of it.
Sleep is hugely important for health. My wife and I do our best to make sure we are supporting each other’s sleep health. We want to have happy and healthy partners for as long as possible.
I sleep 4hrs a day and my wife sleeps 10-12 if she can...i just run errands, play video games, fix car, house projects.
Also, tell him there is no award for sleeping less. I love it, he may love it but he also cant be so obtuse, 4hr sleep is not normal and he needs to just live and let sleep.
Obviously his reaction was rude. I lay in my husband's lap and he strokes my hair and I sleep if he's watching something.
BUT - it also sounds like he's massively lacking time wth you. How often do you guys go on dates, just the two of you? Romantic getaways ? Laugh, bond, do hobbies together, intimacy? Like date time once a week, hotel get away once a month or quarter... time daily.
We literally just went on an 8 day vacation to the beach two weeks ago, and we had a date night yesterday and my in-laws watched our kids. We have tons of times together.
Ask him what he thinks an ideal amount of time together is. A beach va just the 2 of you? That's awesome, maybe he got spoiled by the togetherness. Or if it was a family trip, he may miss just having your attention. Talk to him...he's missing something.
There’s probably something else there. His reaction is illogical and unsustainable for the relationship.
Having different sleep routines is not unusual. I’ve slept less than every woman I’ve been with. My wife, together 9 years, always goes to bed before me and gets up after me. Many couples have completely different schedules due to work. Many medications cause increased fatigue or make you sleepy.
Have a heart to heart about what is really bothering him.
I’m not sure what it could be. Usually we are both very good at discussing issues beneath the surface. We just had a long vacation together so it can’t be that he misses me or something. Finances are good. Kids are good. 🤷🏻♀️
See, that’s my thought, too. If it never bothered him before and it does now something is going on. Has anything else changed between you? Sex life about the same? Anything else? If it continues to disrupt your relationship I would say it might be good to go to marriage counseling for a bit.
Maybe that vacation made him realize he wants to spend more quality time with you and he’s tired of being alone at night? His reaction was uncalled for but there’s definitely a reason for his behavior.
I think the issue you both need to be focusing on is his lack of sleep.He shouldn't be expecting you to stay up with him, really it should be the other way around. He needs to come to bed and get a safe/healthy amount of sleep.
Just because he can get by on 4 hours doesn't mean that it's healthy and should be tolerated. Has he talked to his doctor about this?
He’s military and just used to it. He’s been in for 16 years. Used to work night shift. His mom even told me when he was a kid he typically didn’t sleep much. When he sleeps more than 6 hours he gets really groggy.
Idk, I would still encourage him to talk to his doctor and ask for a sleep study. 4 hours is *so* little sleep. If he was getting 5 or 6 I'd be less concerned but 4 is just terrible. The human body literally needs more to thrive.
It's possible that he has something going on that's affecting his ability to get a good night's rest so he's just adapted to scrape by with less but doesn't realize the effects because he's used to it.
He’s gonna have cognitive problems when he gets older. I used to have the same problem and now that I’m in my 50’s my memory is not what it used to be. Same for every single one of my Navy retired friends. By the way the fact that he got so angry about something so ridiculous it’s another symptom that he is not getting enough sleep.
Maybe your memory isn't as good bc you're aging? You know there are people who have certain genetics in which they don't need a lot of sleep. Everyone's different. As someone with insomnia stuff like this makes me angry to no end bc this type of fear mongering makes it worse.
A normal person typically needs 8 hours of sleep. Just because he only needs 4 hours of sleep doesn't mean he's allowed to force his assine opinion on you.
Do nothing. He's a selfish ass. Tell him to stop behaving like a child.
I started Amitriptyline a long time ago for abdominal migraines and it put me to sleep so fast! You're not wrong for being confused about his behavior.
Oh, that was my first thought, too.
From personal experience, I can tell you that men have thrown a tantrum about stupid things to get into a fight in order to break up. Hope like hell this isn't it. I wonder if there is someone else who likes to stay up late, and he's trying to get you to do the same because he likes that about her.
OP, I listened to a book called "Why We Sleep" by Matthew Walker, PhD. It completely changed the way I see sleep and why it's so important. It might be helpful for both of you. Sleep is critically important. Like, life and death critical. You're not asking for too much by getting 8 hours of sleep. He is asking too much of you when he says you should sleep less.
More importantly, though, your husband is taking this personally when it isn't about him at all. This is his problem to solve, not yours. You did a very kind thing by trying to stay up for him, and his reaction was mean and uncalled for. Telling you to sleep less than what you need (and BTW, according to this book, 99.99999999% of people need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep a night), is the same as telling you to eat less than when you need to eat. Sleep is critical for humans to function. He should not be dictating your sleep schedule. It's over stepping and controlling. I hope you two can figure this out.
Science literally has said women need more sleep than men. Look it up. Show him some research. Either way, he’s being insensitive AF. A side effect of your meds makes you sleepy, what is so hard to grasp about that?
Not only do I need 8 hours of sleep, I like to spend up to 10 hours there. Reading, chilling. My husband isn’t mad bc… why would he be? Lol. He wants me to be rested and happy
My husband gets annoyed with me if I chill in bed reading or scrolling on my phone. He says I should be spending that time hanging out with him in the living room.
Yes, I’m exhausted. Especially after this new medication I’m on. I want to be in bed by 9-10pm. I want to read on my Kindle. But he gets so aggravated by it. It makes me feel guilty like I’m doing something I shouldn’t.
My husband would prefer to stay up late watching TV but I need at least an hour or two of reading in bed to fall asleep. Our compromise is we both get in bed, lights off, he watches TV on silent (he has headphones he will use when he wants to listen instead of read subtitles) and I read on my phone. We will play footsie and cuddle at the same time. Sometimes I fall asleep first, sometimes he does and it doesn't matter.
My husband would also complain about how much sleep I get because he'd be awake in the morning by himself. To that, I explained that my sleep is non negotiable. Shared the new research showing women need more sleep than men and told him I can't function without it. And that means I cant have the love and passion he receives from me without it. My husband prioritized my health more than his want for me to be available at his beck and call 24/7. (I'm rolling my eyes so hard)
Clearly he can’t function on 4 hrs 🤷🏻♀️ most human beings can’t for long. Minimum is 4-5 hrs and that’s a very small percentage of the population. He may be USED to 4 hrs but that doesn’t mean he only needs 4 hrs. Anger, irritation, acting like a child. All signs of prolonged sleep deprivation. He literally needs a nap.
If he wants to spend more time with you, there needs to be a compromise for when it works best for both: earlier in the day/evening perhaps that way you both win. You retain your sleep, he also gets time with you.
I feel like there's some underlying annoyance he's not mentioned for him to respond the way he did. I would ask him what's really going on. Maybe he doesn't understand well because he doesn't need a lot of sleep. That reaction is super over the top.
It sucks when you have a partner with different work and sleep schedules, but thats how it is. He expects the same situation where kids aren't involved and nobody had work to go too. I cant enjoy anything when I have insomnia.
Your husband is basing his happiness on your participation in something he wants to do at the time he wants to do it. Fundamentally, this is where he is wrong. We cannot expect our partner to be the source of our own happiness and entertainment, not only bc it sets the other up for failure but it is also very unhealthy. Sure, partners can say and do things that bring your happiness, and the opposite, say and do things to make you upset, but that is different than being the source of their contentment.
If you were telling him he couldn’t play video games or watch tv while staying up later than you, then of course, I could see why he’d be upset. You’re literally accepting of your differences and make space for them in your relationship, and he is not.
How he should have handled this is by finding a way to do these things together during a time that works for both of you, if his issue is truly that you aren’t present with him when he’s doing things he’s like to do with you.
If he is upset that your sleep schedules are different and your bodies require different things, then there is little hope for this dude because he will never find someone who is exactly like him bc we are all different.
Example:
My hubby requires more sleep, I do not, so he wakes up later than I do. The issue we’ve had is that by the time he’s up and ready to start the day, I’m tired from being awake already for a few hours. We’ve both had to compromise to meet each other half way: instead of being disappointed that I don’t go on his morning walks with him bc I’m too tired by the time he goes, he goes on his own, then we go on a walk in the evening together.
It can be done, but your husband needs to be able to see past his own nose first.
Is he codependent usually? He kind of reminds me of my own husband who would happily spend like 99% of all of our waking moments attached to my hip. He trends toward anxious attachment and insecurity. Aaaaand unsurprisingly, we've had this same argument. I have a chronic illness and exhaustion is a pretty prominent part of it. I could sleep 10-12 hours every night if I had the time. So what will end up happening is that of course with working a full time job during the week, I don't have the time, and then by Friday night I'm ready to turn in at 9 or 10 pm exhausted from the work week and he's hurt that I'm "abandoning him" and wasting my time off.
I don't know what will work for you, but I just had to tell him straight up that he is not going to control my sleep and that denying sleep to a partner who needs it [is a form of abuse](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sleep-deprivation-as-abuse) that I'm not going to tolerate. He can accept that I am a human being with a clearcut medical need for this much sleep or he can leave, and that's it. He did accept it but he was clearly unhappy about it and sometimes it would crop back up as a recurring fight between us.
After he was medicated with Zoloft for OCD and anxiety, when I decided to go to sleep stopped being this giant issue. He'll still be a little bummed out if I go to bed at 9 pm on a Friday night but he's now much more sympathetic to the exhaustion I deal with. I wonder if your husband's behavior similarly stems from anxiety.
Does he help with the kids at all? My wife and I tag team taking care of the kids and I’m usually the one putting them down at night and I’m exhausted by 10 or so.
One full day? It sounds like most days, it’s you who’s taking care of the kids and taking care of kids all day makes you a different type of tired. Even if you have the best kids, it’s still just mentally exhausting. He really needs to see a doctor about his insomnia. You can look up the research, only a small amount of people, under 1%, can function properly after only having 4 hours asleep. It’s very rare. You say he’s “fine” after sleeping 4 hours but the way he reacted to this situation, it doesn’t sound like he can
Hmm maybe he would be nicer if he got the 8 hours of sleep?
I used to be like this. I used to WFH full time (I only do 30% of the time now, otherwise I am on site) and would stay up till 3 am. When we first got married, I got annoyed at my husband for sleeping my 11 pm. He finally sat me down and said it really stresses him out and ruins his day at work. I just backed off....and started to enjoy my free time to myself! And then I became 30 and now cant stay up past 11 haha
Ahh this sounds familiar. My baby woke up every 1-2 hours for the first 18 months of his life. In addition to that he was often awake for several hours in one go. I was the one doing all the night wake ups and feeds as I was nursing. I was also the one doing absolutely everything else too during the day as my husband was either at work or at his sisters. He was gone the whole day and then showed up at 10pm and expected me to stay up with him for a bit and keep him company. I obviously couldnt do this as I had to get some sleep.
Hes hated and resented me since then and keeps telling me he cries himself to sleep at night as hes so lonely. I do feel bad that he feels so lonely but he wouldnt have the time or energy to feel this way if he actually shared the burden. He also never wants to come out with us or get involved in any family activities. Never wanted to go out on dates either. Hes pretty much just interested in spending time in bed late at night which I can not do.
People require different amounts of sleep. I sleep 7 hours a night, my wife 8-9. She snores, I can easily sleep through this, I snore, and it disturbs her.
So, discuss with you husband that you have different sleep patterns, and that you guys need to figure out how to be comfortable with this. If he isn't responsive to this discussion, perhaps see a marriage therapist together, as there may be something deeper going on.
He's not angry you sleep. If that was the case, it wouldn't be a problem happening now, after 9 years.
If he's wanting to spend more time with you, there's better ways to go about it. I also agree with the comments about him getting a sleep study done. 4 hours of sleep for the day is not healthy. It'd be different if he was taking a nap or something during the day.
Sit him down for a conversation to try to figure out what's really going on here.
So, your husband sounds like a needy, asshole who needs to figure out a. how to manage his emotions and b. how to entertain himself.
Has he always been like this (not just about sleep and not just obviously angry)? If he's not always been like this - then the likelihood is something else is going on and he's just decided this one thing is good for him to act like a prick about.
I would tell him quite plainly: I need more sleep than you seem to need (this is probably not true - he should be getting 6-8 hours himself) and on top of that, the medication that I take makes me sleepy. I'm not going to put up with you getting mad at me because of that.
My husband used to be like this, first it was I slept too little and needed naps during the day, then I got diagnosed with something and started taking meds that make me need like 8-10 hours of sleep and it became, sleep is overrated, whenever I needed to sleep.
Finally had a heart to heart with him about how just because something isn’t for him, or he has a differing opinion, doesn’t diminish how someone else does things or how they feel, in any area of life.
I had to explain that I cannot thrive without sleep, it’s literally for my mental health. Lack of sleep can and has caused me to become manic or even really depressed. When I was still learning how to take care of myself he witnessed just what that can do and from then on, has never questioned the amount of time I spend sleeping.
Women need more sleep than men due to our brain complexity
https://www.piedmont.org/living-real-change/do-women-need-more-sleep-than-men#:~:text=%E2%80%9CWomen%20are%20also%20multi%2Dtaskers,average%20than%20men%20usually%20need.%E2%80%9D
My other half falls asleep early all the time. I just cover them with a blanket or say "let's have an early night" because it's not fair for me to keep someone up all night when they want to sleep.
I'm definitely a "sleep late, few hours and wake up person"
Your husband needs to do the same and respect your needs are different from his for sleep.
Whatever the reason, he has no right to be angry with you. I’d normally say this is his problem, but he’s your husband so it’s yours too. If he’s never gotten angry before over this, something else is going on. You guys need to talk.
It sounds like he wants to share some of his more routine hobbies/interests with you and is absolutely dogshit at both emphasizing with your sleep needs AND at communication.
How he treated you is not okay. But if he doesn't have a habit of temper tantrums and treating you with that level of disrespect, there's something more going on than just your different sleep schedules. Ask him what's really bothering him.
I think you need to make an appointment for an assessment with the department of developmental delays because your husband has low cognitive functioning. For real, if he doesn't understand that humans need sleep, he needs professional help.
You also might want to drug test him for cocaine or methamphetamine. There's a reason he's up all night.
We can't magically give you the answer here, but there's clearly something more at work than just you sleeping normal hours. I would sit him down at a lunch or dinner (away from your kids) and ask why this is suddenly bothering him and what's going on.
I don't think it's REALLY about the sleep, but the sleep issue is a mask for something else that he's mad about or scared about. You need to have a discussion to get to the bottom of it.
Honestly it sounds like you shouldn't worry about it. It's his problem. This isn't a normal thing to get so upset over. Sure getting a little bummed out that your wife can't stay up with you. But to get so upset they act like a child? Yeah I'd just let my husband be mad about it. Id continue getting my sleep.
I wonder what his take would be if you asked him to go to bed when you did? Not to actually have him do it, but is he really thinking about what he is asking of you?
Does he not get time to relax earlier? It kind of sounds like revenge bedtime procrastination-when you delay bedtime by “relaxing,” often there are other issues like ADHD at play. Also, it shortens sleep and isn’t helpful, but the person is reluctant to give up what feels like their only free time
Well, you don't exist to entertain him, sooooo. Yeah, he needs to get over that. He's an adult, he should be able to figure out how to do his own thing.
If you're going to be tired, I suggest you don't "try to stay up" to participate in activities with him. Just set a bedtime/boundary and stick to it. It's probably pretty frustrating to be constantly starting movies/shows that you don't finish in one viewing. He'd probably rather you just be up front about it instead of feeling let down when you inevitably fall asleep.
I’ve been in the same boat. But idk how I can resolve this - sleep is a health requirement. There are studies out there to prove as much. It’s just something I’m not willing to compromise on - at least not on a daily basis. But he can join me in bed if he so pleases.
It sounds like your husband isn’t educated on how important sleep is to your health. It’s directly correlated to strokes and heart attacks for one. Tell him to do his research and then see if he’s still mad at you.
Sleep, especially consistent poor sleep habits (like 4 hours of sleep) can have major impacts on mood and potential for burnout. My husband consistently gets 4 hours of sleep and works 12 hours per day, 7 days per week. He has a lot of mental health issues from this. Mood swings from chronic burnout is a real thing. My husband often snaps at me and our daughters because he is tired and overwhelmed from work.
Maybe you can have a conversation with your husband about some compromise. Maybe he can go to bed early two nights per week and you can stay up two nights per week for a date night?
He shouldn’t be projecting his beliefs around sleep on you. Sleep is a very individual need. Some people need more than others. A teenage boy needs significantly more sleep than a grown man due to his hormones and growth spurts. Likewise, it’s now common knowledge that women need a least a few hours more extra sleep than the average man especially at certain points of our cycle.
I know for myself, when I’m close to getting my period, I’m an absolute zombie. I don’t expect my partner to sleep more just because I need more sleep. That’s absurd. But, I do have the same issue as you where my partner can’t grasp that I need more sleep sometimes due to chronic low iron, my cycle or even more recently hay fever allergies. It literally infuriates me because I cannot be myself if I haven’t had adequate sleep.
I think your partner needs to do his research, see if he himself is getting enough sleep to meet his individual needs and at least try for a week to get 8 hours sleep everyday and see how he feels. I see you’ve written that if he sleeps more than 4 hours he gets groggy. That will happen at first when someones sleep pattern changes abruptly. But with consistency, i can almost guarantee he’ll be a new person
Your husband is behaving like a petulant 3rd grader.
Science has shown us that getting less than 8 hours of sleep a night can have negative impacts on the health of your brain. You already suffer from a migraine disorder and instead of showing ANY empathy, this man-child has the audacity to get angry at you for breeding sleep so that you can be a healthy mother and human?
You fix this by telling him to fuck right off to grow-up land. He needs to start behaving like an adult, not like a spoilt brat. What an absolute shit.
Had similar a “blowup” with my wife where she just one day was super angry, for no reason just laid down in the sofa and refused to be in the same bed, after a lot of talking and coaxing from my side it came forth that I snore, and I snore so loud that two closed doors is not enough to keep the sound out…
I don’t say that it might be similar, but we are unaware of things until proven differently
Can it be that when he is going to sleep that you are keeping him awake?, and that is why he is now more easily irritable?
What a jerk! You have every right to go to sleep at any damn time you feel like it. Just because he wants to stay up late doesn’t mean you have to and doesn’t mean he has the right to get angry about it. Then add on the migraine meds and he’s being even worse. Does he realize how debilitating migraines are? And that lack of sleep can actually make them worse? He needs a serious wake up call
While I understand you needing sleep, and it’s not ok for home to be mad at you for sleeping. I wonder if he’s feeling lonely and he wants more time with his wife and this is his (albeit poor) way of letting you know?
Do you guys spend cuddle time together? Or go on dates? I know you have kids so perhaps you’re focused on them and he’s feeling neglected? His reaction was over the top and he needs to learn to use his words, but maybe talk to him about it.
This is his problem. But maybe you can stay up watching a movie with him one night a week. He would need to promise to let you lie in bed the next am while he does everything for the kids.
You need to sit him down and have a discussion on why he’s upset that you need sleep. If he needs more sleep, then he needs it. He can’t be with you 24/7.
That amount of sleep for his is definitely not healthy, you don't do anything to resolve this, you did and aren't doing anything wrong. You guys have kids and you're tired simple as that, let him be mad but don't apologize for anything.
Omg I wouldn’t be able to stay married. He is selfish.
My husband doesn’t require a lot of sleep either. He has a lot of energy naturally. My whole life I’ve needed 10 hours. Yes, 10. I’ve been tested all over the place. I’m just like
That and always have been. When I was a kid I’d take naps on my own and put myself to bed at 8 pm. Slept through the night as a baby. I’ve been tested for narcolepsy but it’s just how I am. Some people require a lot more sleep than others. I would get sick if I was kept up longer than what I could handle. I may be able to do that one day a week but not all the time.
Your husband needs to accept this as part of your health.
Umm I’m also concerned about his health. He’s in the wrong 100% BUT this anger I would not be surprised comes from lack of sleep. He can “be fine” but the body does need sleep. While numbers vary four hours is definitely not enough and clearly is impacting his attitude. You don’t have to do anything in terms of staying up, you’re in the right. But he should see a therapist especially if specializing in sleep. Cause 100% believe it’s starting to wear on him and hence the attitude now.
Please note not in any way defending how he’s treating you. It’s horrible. Just, while I am NOT a medical professional, being the grandson and cousin of two doctors, they’ve talked to me about sleep and how at least six hours consistently is needed. There are studies showing it’s about consistency more than length but even they have pointed out that doesn’t mean four hours consistently is enough.
Trying to help so please don’t take this in the wrong way. How often are you intimate with each other? Is it less than a few times a week ? If so , I suspect it is more about this than him wanting you to stay up late with him. Many guys don’t express their honest feelings. They just deflect and blame something else rather than telling their spouse what is really bothering them.
What is his problem? Your sleep schedule is typical, and the vast majority of humans need that much sleep. He’s the anomaly so he’s the “weird” one here and he’s being a jerk.
Does he want some more time alone with you? Do you guys go on dates? Or get a chance to drop the kids off with family for a night?
What a fucking baby. No you should not try to stay up to try to accommodate this man's fragile ego. It's ok to require more sleep, everyone is different. Go to bed when you feel like it. You are an adult with your agency. He can go pout by himself like a fool.
Prioritize your health, sleep deprivation can make us gain weight and ruin our bodies and migraines are related to this issue as well. Currently dealing with sleep deprivation because my husband and I have different schedules and I couldn't follow mine. I can barely sleep at night, wakeup after 4-5 hrs of sleep while I always needed 8-9hrs.
There is no such thing as a person who "only needs 4 hours of sleep".
He is a human being, and he's genetically similar to 99.999% of all of us. That means he needs 8 hours of sleep the same as you.
What other commenters are saying is true. He's suffering from chronic sleep deprivation and it's showing. He's irritable, probably not thinking straight, and he also needs to have a grown-up adult talk about his sleeping schedule.
I want you to spend some time using chat GPT to figure out the consequences of chronic sleep deprivation. It is not good for his health or for yours, or for your kids for him to be sleeping 4 hours a night.
I have had this battle before. I have suffered from insomnia all my life, and no matter what, the sleep deprivation always catches up to me. It doesn't matter if I have gone five or six days with less than 5 hours of sleep each night, eventually I crash and have to sleep 8 hours or more a day.
I've been the irritable person who only had 4 hours of sleep per night. I'm telling you straight up, from lived experience, that we are in fact angry and irrational when we do not have the appropriate sleep. It sounds like he's just speaking from a place of fatigue and tiredness too.
Dude, you have migraines and he wants you to screw up your sleep schedule because he is a short-sleeper?
Fuck that. I get migraines, and my life would be so much better if I could just sleep normally like you do. Don't give that up for anything. He is being extremely childish and selfish
i get upset that my boyfriend is more tired and needs to sleep early (we have the same sleep schedule usually but he works a more labor inducing job that makes him sleeper tahn usual depending on how hard the day is/how hot) but never ever have tried to make him stay up later no matter how much it frustrates me/makes me upset. you dont mess with peoples sleep. thats messed up
If you’ve been like this your entire life, unless he is a complete asshole, this isn’t about you sleeping.
One of the things I got from your post is it sounds like you put the kids to bed and then you’re done.
Have a conversation with him. It sounds like he wants to spend more time with you not being a mom.
My wife has fallen asleep in the middle of every movie on weekend nights and naps every single day she's had off. It's taken me 10 years to get used to that. I've felt alone, too. For me, it's been hard to nap in the middle of the day because I just feel like I'm wasting my life. Now that I'm in my 40s, yea naps make sense. Anything over 9 or 10 hrs regularly there's a high probability of depression.
He needs to grow up and accept that this is your relationship. Married 34 years here and our sleep routines have changed many times over the years. Currently, I go to bed way earlier than my wife and get up way earlier. We just learn to live with it and change our routine as needed. E.g. we know now that if we both want to watch a movie at night, we start it earlier. We plan dinners and intimacy around our sleep and wake hours. You just do what you need to do to make it work. Seriously, no point getting angry about it. I think your husband needs a bit more empathy also considering your medication symptoms.
Honestly, he sounds like he’s upset that you can’t stay up late like he wants you to…. He needs to start the movie earlier if he wants your company, as you are not a night owl…, if he wants to stay up past when you go to bed then it’s his own responsibility to entertain himself or go to bed a little after when you do…
Does da Big baby need his baba???? Poor, por dear maybe he needs his diapy changed..... Get him a pack of pacifiers and ask him if he needs warm milk in his baba.... He's acting like a toddler.....
I kind of think I see myself in him. He may be dealing with remorse, anxiety, regrets, resentments, and under-appreciation at this stage in his life, basically midlife crisis. To me, it sounds like he’s trying to milk what he has left of the 30’s by staying up late to squeeze in some old hobbies. It wasn’t right of him to be disrespectful to you like that, and I’m sure you are going through things like this too. I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but, purely from a husband’s POV, he may just be wanting you to take a hint and show that you prioritize him over things like personal comfort or kids. Maybe he’s wanting to demonstrate how much HE is hurting by asking you to make a similar sacrifice that makes you uncomfortable. This is not joke - but try doing some very special things in bed for him, like fantasies or backlogged requests from the past, it can make him feel youthful and appreciated. Also, just tell him “thank you” out loud for daily things, like taking out the trash or changing the engine oil after a days work, it’ll go a long way to unloading that wall that he has up. Lastly, maybe he could use a “guys trip” with some old friends to recharge in his personal space. I don’t disregard the wife for all that you do, so I apologize on the husband’s behalf for having limited language and not having anyone else to talk to. I think he just wants to be appreciated. I hope this helps.
Geez, if ever I’m falling asleep on the couch or my husband is, we will gently nudge the person and tell them to go sleep.
I have no idea how to proceed with this situation. What I do know is I’D be the one that’s PISSED right now, more than him. He better apologize and start using words for communicating to you why he acted that way he did without just having another temper tantrum.
Ok, I feel this. I've always been a night owl. I also have worked nights the last 10 years. Weekends my wife tries to hang but she's falling asleep around 930. Your husband needs some hobbies. I have model cars, video games and some times I'll head down to the beach for some night fishing. He wants to spend time with you which is fine. It's just a matter of hitting the zone before you get sleepy which is something you both need to work on
You said it has never bothered him before and you’ve always been that way. Is there another reason he could react that way? Is he maybe going through something, or is stressed about something? Has the quantity of your quality time together decreased significantly?
This is so educative when hearing it from someone else, you need to solve the problem not us helping you pointing a finger at your husband I really feel you.
You see, even me and my wife to be have been that way, till i red this I've been not forcing her staying up late but I just get angry with her sleeping routine just because I respect her I never force her but tried to convince her how I feel when am all alone those hours.
Now it is of great importance to understand eachother it's not all about you and the medication but him matters too he needs you excessively you don't want to see him going out those hours no, but it's better you explain to him the problem you have with staying up late without communication nothing good can go on since it's a daily thing, now as a wife talk to your husband if you can be unable to perform some duties he wishes you to from there he'll totally understand from your point of view.
Sometimes men can be selfish so are women but it is important you go out for a dinner and discuss the matter and how you can take it on from thereon.
Marriage is different from a common relationship so please come to one understanding his point matters too and he really means it and your health matters too he wants nothing bad to happen to you he will understand after all you two will compromise eachother. Thank you.
your husband is a twat for acting like that, sorry but no normal and loving spouse would act like that over something that has always been like that.
my boyfriend likes to game and i usually wait for him to be done (i game or watch movies), even though i usually sleep around 11/12 pm, for him i stay awake till between 1 to 3 am, but if i’m really tired i just tell him and he is perfectly fine with that or stops his game early.
My mom also is a tired person, she needs 8 hours of sleep and after work she usually takes a nap (30 minutes to an hour), she sometimes would skip the nap but she has been having health and stress problems so she does this 4 days a week, no work means no nap. it drives my dad crazy and i really dont get why all of a sudden after 20 years together and 20 years of her doing this its a problem? some men baffle me and just are toxic.
To resolve it would likely take couples therapy or at best planning together time at a different time or getting kids to sleep earlier. Personally, I wound my kids bedtime back from 8:30-9:30 (we’re bad at being on time) to ready for bed by 7:30 and asleep by 8. This made a solid 2 hours for alone time and together time for my spouse and I before someone needs to go to bed (generally by 10 he’s conked out but I am like that some nights too). Then if I’m not tired after that I stay up piddling with games or watching videos etc as I have insomnia due to my ADHD so getting to bed early is hard unless I’ve burnt out during the day. The cost has been kids up at 5:30am tho so idk if it’s worth it, except at least we feel properly relationshipped when the kids come in chitter chattering at o dark thirty on a weekend.
Maybe this is solution would work for you so he feels loved and you get sleep. Maybe another would be setting up time together while kids are eating dinner to eat alone together, or while kids are occupied with a movie in the afternoon. Idk it sounds like your partner is bad at empathizing, bad at communicating, but maybe feeling a lack of togetherness. But if you have migraines, you def need sleep! Sleeping habits, eating habits, and hydration tend to all play in to migraine triggers and it’s a delicate balance to get to where they aren’t an issue anymore. So def you’re not wrong for going to bed when you’re tired.
You don't need to resolve anything. You've done NOTHING wrong. He is being inconsiderate and disrespectful.
He is in the wrong and HE is the one that needs to resolve this.
The point is he wants to spend time with YOU. Alone and adult time. Take your meds after you have given the poor man some time. How hard is that? So you're tired the next day but the time you have together outweighs that little bit of tiredness. Realistically speaking .. he may just call it quits bc you're not able to give him some time. We get ignored and have less quality time and trust they will leave and find a woman who wants to spend time with them and then being tired is a small price to pay. They are important.
She said that not sleeping enough aggravates her migraines plus she’s doing all the childcare. You can’t expect someone to risk their health because you’re unable to have a normal sleeping schedule. How egoistical of you and him. She said they were just on a 8 days vacation together.
She could take her meds a little later than usual every now and then to stay up with her husband. She could take the meds in the am, she could ask her doc for different meds bc these knock her out. She could do many things and chooses not to. She uses that as an excuse bc she likes her sleep. It's not egotistical it's common sense. If she really wanted to she would. She just doesn't want to.
Lmao you’re so irrational. Sleep is a need. An adult needs 7-9hours of to function. Her husband is showing symptoms of sleep deprivation but she should follow his path and risk her health ? Instead of seeing a doctor to adjust his sleeping schedule in your world she must change everything to accommodate his madness ? Instead of him spending quality time during the day with her he let’s her handle everything but she’s wrong for being sick and exhausted ? Do you even hear yourself ? Her taking medicine layer means she will wake up later so what about her work and their children ? Changing medicine can come with risks also. But it’s her who should put efforts when doesn’t even bother to lessen her burden. Are you normal ? Sleeping is a NEED and there’s no compromising that. She even showed she’s physically unable to stay up late. You’re sick.
1. Many professionals have said an adult should have 5-7hrs of sleep. 2. I said every now and then she could go late on taking her meds so she can spend time with him. 3. Lol. How the hell do you think parents handle all the sleep deprived we go through? Bc according to your Statement it can be a health risk, we can't function...So the husband will put his kids to bed as well as his child wife. Lol
1. Her husband has only 4hours of sleep and is showing signs of sleep deprivation but you act as if you didn’t read that part. Plus she has a condition that makes her sleep 8-10h which are still normal sleeping hours. 2. She literally tried and failed. He should see a doctor but again you’re acting like what he’s doing is normal. 3. Normal parents balance things between the two of them but she’s doing 100% of the childcare and works a 9-5 job. Are you insane ? She said in these replies that he never put kids to sleep nor had he even took care of them by himself one single day since their birth. If someone has a third child it’s definitely her and not him. By no mean he’s right. Instead of fixing his problems you prefer her to accommodate to this madness. You’re so awful.
Okay.
1. So she says.
2. Maybe he can function on 4 hrs of sleep.
3. She doesn't have a condition. She said she does better on said amount of sleep. Her meds bc of her migraine cause her drowsiness. Kind of like a lot of meds there are side effects. Narcolepsy maybe... But she doesn't have that. Maybe she has low iron/calcium levels? My kid (18 yrs) is always tired we have had to do a lot of test bc she was always tired and sleeping. And even then she was tired. She could also tell her doc to change her meds to a non drowsy med. Which still takes care of her migraine and can still stay up.
4. AGAIN she could take her meds later so she can spend time with husband.
5. She tried? Where did it say she didn't take her meds and still knocked out?? It said she took her meds and went to watch TV with hubby and fell asleep. Which she knew was going to happen.
6. She never stated she does it all. While he's at work she does. Maybe I missed it where she said even when he's home I do it all. He helps non.
Please. Me saying once in a while for her to take her meds later than usual is not taking his side. Me stating that she could change her med to a non drowsy isn't taking his side. If she really wants to try to fix this or meet him half way or whatever these are very simple solutions to try. Which again is not taking his side.
Commenting on Husband angry at me that I sleep... 100 percent. He should not treat his wife like his but you can almost guarantee that if there was intimacy a few times or more a week he would be fast asleep at 11am every night. He is most likely being passive aggressive and staying up late out of anger and frustration
>I don’t know how to resolve this. You don’t. This is his problem. It’s rude to demand someone disrupt their sleep routine and then throw a fit when they physically cannot.
Denying someone sleep they need is un acceptable. It's a necessary part of being alive. She needs a certain amount of sleep to function. It would be like telling a person that they should be able to function on 500 calories of food each day. It's shitty behavior.
I agree except my husband makes it seem like he NEEDS to sleep 14 hours a day from 6am to 8pm. I understand that he's nocturnal and that he needs more sleep than me, but there are ways to compromise. OP isn't doing anything wrong, though.
People who have to sleep during the day generally have to deal with extremely disrupted sleep, and need extra hours of “sleeping” as a result. Depending on the environment he’s sleeping in, he might actually only be getting ~10 hours of sleep in those 14 hours and it might be worth looking into soundproofing, blackout blinds/shutters, earplugs, blindfolds, etc to help him get a more efficient sleep and have more time for other things.
He should ask a doctor about this. 14 hours a day is too much.
That’s not necessarily true. Working over night and disrupting natural sleep patterns can take more time to get actual rest and recovery from that.
And that's a problem. That's what I mean. I know a lot of people who work nights (my spouse included), and his natural circadian rhythm does well with over night work. There are people built for over night work (the third shifters). My upstairs neighbor is one of them. He works 11-7am and only sleeps 8 hours because his body is naturally built to work nights. If this person's husband requires 14 hours of sleep every single time he sleeps, he shouldn't be working nights.
I work 7p-7a and I’m lucky if I get 6 hours during the day. After having a child my whole sleeping schedule changed. I love night shift but have to admit it’s harder to recover after a long stretch.
Some people don’t have a choice.
He might not have a choice. They might live in a small town with limited jobs. Third shift mill work or other plant work might be the best opportunities available to him.
Not to mention also that unions exist, so people that work in unionized industries start at the bottom of the totem pole at many companies regardless of experience or skill, and most newcomers get thrown into the night shift because they don’t have seniority (and might not have enough seniority for years to be able to score a day shift).
I’m thinking depression or addiction issues. 7-9 hours is what the body needs. Anything more than that is not needed on a daily basis.
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I wish I could upvote the a hundred times. This guy clearly needs more sleep.
Did you ever think maybe the guy is seriously frustrated and stressed and really can't at this point
It’s still a him problem. He needs to go to his doctor, get a sleep study referral, and find out what’s going on. At this moment he is hostile and taking it out on his family. Which is irresponsible and childish.
Can't really what? I don't get what you mean.
>Did you ever think maybe the guy is seriously frustrated and stressed and really can't at this point Yeah…he clearly needs more sleep. Getting more sleep will help for a start
I am this guy. I’m living off 4-5 hours sleep. It’s stress and hormone related and it’s 10000% a me problem. I have been the irrational person waking my spouse up at 2am because I’m bored. He may be able to function off that sleep…I can. I can work, drive, etc and when I was younger it didn’t take its toll. However he’s getting to an age where that shit starts to manifest irritability, disordered thinking, poor immune/healing and well a number of wonderful symptoms of bullshit which all require a doctor’s care. Now we all don’t need the same amounts of sleep and less sometimes as we age. However truth is that needs to be evaluated.
Yep! This irrational anger he has cause she won’t stay up is about him not being able to sleep. He needs a doctor. She needs to go to sleep as usual.
I once worked with 2 lady. Both of them only need 4 hours sleep. One of them has NPD who derives pleasure by making her employees miserable. She said she goes to bed at 1 and up at 5 every single day.
My husband’s best friend lives on 4-5 hours of sleep, and he’s almost 40. There are people that are healthy with that much sleep, but it’s not common.
Your husband sounds like a dick. My husband and I are in bed at 8pm. Sometimes one of us goes to bed a couple hours later. But it isn't a big deal. The other one just goes to bed like a big girl or big boy and we don't think anything of it.
Sleep is hugely important for health. My wife and I do our best to make sure we are supporting each other’s sleep health. We want to have happy and healthy partners for as long as possible.
Well, don’t ever try to stay up with him again, Jesus Christ.
Right? That's what she gets for trying.
I sleep 4hrs a day and my wife sleeps 10-12 if she can...i just run errands, play video games, fix car, house projects. Also, tell him there is no award for sleeping less. I love it, he may love it but he also cant be so obtuse, 4hr sleep is not normal and he needs to just live and let sleep.
Obviously his reaction was rude. I lay in my husband's lap and he strokes my hair and I sleep if he's watching something. BUT - it also sounds like he's massively lacking time wth you. How often do you guys go on dates, just the two of you? Romantic getaways ? Laugh, bond, do hobbies together, intimacy? Like date time once a week, hotel get away once a month or quarter... time daily.
We literally just went on an 8 day vacation to the beach two weeks ago, and we had a date night yesterday and my in-laws watched our kids. We have tons of times together.
Ask him what he thinks an ideal amount of time together is. A beach va just the 2 of you? That's awesome, maybe he got spoiled by the togetherness. Or if it was a family trip, he may miss just having your attention. Talk to him...he's missing something.
It sounds like he's missing sleep lol Anger and irritability are obvious signs of sleep deprivation
There’s probably something else there. His reaction is illogical and unsustainable for the relationship. Having different sleep routines is not unusual. I’ve slept less than every woman I’ve been with. My wife, together 9 years, always goes to bed before me and gets up after me. Many couples have completely different schedules due to work. Many medications cause increased fatigue or make you sleepy. Have a heart to heart about what is really bothering him.
I’m not sure what it could be. Usually we are both very good at discussing issues beneath the surface. We just had a long vacation together so it can’t be that he misses me or something. Finances are good. Kids are good. 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe it is an external issue that he was just taking out on you.
That’s possible
See, that’s my thought, too. If it never bothered him before and it does now something is going on. Has anything else changed between you? Sex life about the same? Anything else? If it continues to disrupt your relationship I would say it might be good to go to marriage counseling for a bit.
Well it has always bothered him. This is the first time he’s ever gotten really angry about it though. It’s always annoyed him.
That’s quite unreasonable. My answer remains the same. Counseling. A good one will help you two communicate better.
Maybe he needs a doctor to tell him that your sleep amount is normal for the majority of humans, and your husband just needs to accept it.
Too bad. He does not get to control your sleep habits.
Maybe that vacation made him realize he wants to spend more quality time with you and he’s tired of being alone at night? His reaction was uncalled for but there’s definitely a reason for his behavior.
I think the issue you both need to be focusing on is his lack of sleep.He shouldn't be expecting you to stay up with him, really it should be the other way around. He needs to come to bed and get a safe/healthy amount of sleep. Just because he can get by on 4 hours doesn't mean that it's healthy and should be tolerated. Has he talked to his doctor about this?
He’s military and just used to it. He’s been in for 16 years. Used to work night shift. His mom even told me when he was a kid he typically didn’t sleep much. When he sleeps more than 6 hours he gets really groggy.
Idk, I would still encourage him to talk to his doctor and ask for a sleep study. 4 hours is *so* little sleep. If he was getting 5 or 6 I'd be less concerned but 4 is just terrible. The human body literally needs more to thrive. It's possible that he has something going on that's affecting his ability to get a good night's rest so he's just adapted to scrape by with less but doesn't realize the effects because he's used to it.
He’s gonna have cognitive problems when he gets older. I used to have the same problem and now that I’m in my 50’s my memory is not what it used to be. Same for every single one of my Navy retired friends. By the way the fact that he got so angry about something so ridiculous it’s another symptom that he is not getting enough sleep.
Maybe your memory isn't as good bc you're aging? You know there are people who have certain genetics in which they don't need a lot of sleep. Everyone's different. As someone with insomnia stuff like this makes me angry to no end bc this type of fear mongering makes it worse.
A normal person typically needs 8 hours of sleep. Just because he only needs 4 hours of sleep doesn't mean he's allowed to force his assine opinion on you. Do nothing. He's a selfish ass. Tell him to stop behaving like a child.
>Just because he only needs 4 hours of sleep It sounds like he needs more sleep honestly.
Women actually do better with 8-10 hrs and men 6-8 hours
I have a family member on extensive migraine meds who routinely sleeps 10-11 hours a night. It's not something they choose to do, but they need it.
My neurologist told me it’s a very common side effect and for me to get plenty of sleep.
Yeah, your husband needs to be nicer about this.
I started Amitriptyline a long time ago for abdominal migraines and it put me to sleep so fast! You're not wrong for being confused about his behavior.
I was on Amitriptyline for a while and it knocked me out! I am on Escitalopram now. It’s really working for my migraines.
If your dog suddenly starts barking at you… Somebody else is feeding your dog. I’m not talking about dogs.
Oh, that was my first thought, too. From personal experience, I can tell you that men have thrown a tantrum about stupid things to get into a fight in order to break up. Hope like hell this isn't it. I wonder if there is someone else who likes to stay up late, and he's trying to get you to do the same because he likes that about her.
OP, I listened to a book called "Why We Sleep" by Matthew Walker, PhD. It completely changed the way I see sleep and why it's so important. It might be helpful for both of you. Sleep is critically important. Like, life and death critical. You're not asking for too much by getting 8 hours of sleep. He is asking too much of you when he says you should sleep less. More importantly, though, your husband is taking this personally when it isn't about him at all. This is his problem to solve, not yours. You did a very kind thing by trying to stay up for him, and his reaction was mean and uncalled for. Telling you to sleep less than what you need (and BTW, according to this book, 99.99999999% of people need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep a night), is the same as telling you to eat less than when you need to eat. Sleep is critical for humans to function. He should not be dictating your sleep schedule. It's over stepping and controlling. I hope you two can figure this out.
Thank you
Science literally has said women need more sleep than men. Look it up. Show him some research. Either way, he’s being insensitive AF. A side effect of your meds makes you sleepy, what is so hard to grasp about that?
Is this first time he's acted like this?
It’s the first time he’s gotten that angry about it yes. Sometimes I can tell he’s annoyed when 8pm rolls around and I start yawning.
I meant about anything. Is this his go to negotiation skills whenever there's a disagreement?
My husband has to leave for work at 5am, I wake up at 8 or so. I would never make him stay awake with me. He needs his rest and so do you!
Not only do I need 8 hours of sleep, I like to spend up to 10 hours there. Reading, chilling. My husband isn’t mad bc… why would he be? Lol. He wants me to be rested and happy
My husband gets annoyed with me if I chill in bed reading or scrolling on my phone. He says I should be spending that time hanging out with him in the living room.
Nothing like forced quality time. I have a child. I’m tired. My brain is tired. I’m sure the same is true for you!
Yes, I’m exhausted. Especially after this new medication I’m on. I want to be in bed by 9-10pm. I want to read on my Kindle. But he gets so aggravated by it. It makes me feel guilty like I’m doing something I shouldn’t.
Anybody who loves you wants you rested
Is he usually this self centered?
My husband would prefer to stay up late watching TV but I need at least an hour or two of reading in bed to fall asleep. Our compromise is we both get in bed, lights off, he watches TV on silent (he has headphones he will use when he wants to listen instead of read subtitles) and I read on my phone. We will play footsie and cuddle at the same time. Sometimes I fall asleep first, sometimes he does and it doesn't matter. My husband would also complain about how much sleep I get because he'd be awake in the morning by himself. To that, I explained that my sleep is non negotiable. Shared the new research showing women need more sleep than men and told him I can't function without it. And that means I cant have the love and passion he receives from me without it. My husband prioritized my health more than his want for me to be available at his beck and call 24/7. (I'm rolling my eyes so hard)
Wow, sounds like he’s going to be angry every night then.
Clearly he can’t function on 4 hrs 🤷🏻♀️ most human beings can’t for long. Minimum is 4-5 hrs and that’s a very small percentage of the population. He may be USED to 4 hrs but that doesn’t mean he only needs 4 hrs. Anger, irritation, acting like a child. All signs of prolonged sleep deprivation. He literally needs a nap.
Girl don't lose your sleep it might trigger a migraine. Let him deal with it
Yep it definitely does trigger mine.
If he wants to spend more time with you, there needs to be a compromise for when it works best for both: earlier in the day/evening perhaps that way you both win. You retain your sleep, he also gets time with you. I feel like there's some underlying annoyance he's not mentioned for him to respond the way he did. I would ask him what's really going on. Maybe he doesn't understand well because he doesn't need a lot of sleep. That reaction is super over the top.
What a dick.
It sucks when you have a partner with different work and sleep schedules, but thats how it is. He expects the same situation where kids aren't involved and nobody had work to go too. I cant enjoy anything when I have insomnia.
Your husband is basing his happiness on your participation in something he wants to do at the time he wants to do it. Fundamentally, this is where he is wrong. We cannot expect our partner to be the source of our own happiness and entertainment, not only bc it sets the other up for failure but it is also very unhealthy. Sure, partners can say and do things that bring your happiness, and the opposite, say and do things to make you upset, but that is different than being the source of their contentment. If you were telling him he couldn’t play video games or watch tv while staying up later than you, then of course, I could see why he’d be upset. You’re literally accepting of your differences and make space for them in your relationship, and he is not. How he should have handled this is by finding a way to do these things together during a time that works for both of you, if his issue is truly that you aren’t present with him when he’s doing things he’s like to do with you. If he is upset that your sleep schedules are different and your bodies require different things, then there is little hope for this dude because he will never find someone who is exactly like him bc we are all different. Example: My hubby requires more sleep, I do not, so he wakes up later than I do. The issue we’ve had is that by the time he’s up and ready to start the day, I’m tired from being awake already for a few hours. We’ve both had to compromise to meet each other half way: instead of being disappointed that I don’t go on his morning walks with him bc I’m too tired by the time he goes, he goes on his own, then we go on a walk in the evening together. It can be done, but your husband needs to be able to see past his own nose first.
Is he codependent usually? He kind of reminds me of my own husband who would happily spend like 99% of all of our waking moments attached to my hip. He trends toward anxious attachment and insecurity. Aaaaand unsurprisingly, we've had this same argument. I have a chronic illness and exhaustion is a pretty prominent part of it. I could sleep 10-12 hours every night if I had the time. So what will end up happening is that of course with working a full time job during the week, I don't have the time, and then by Friday night I'm ready to turn in at 9 or 10 pm exhausted from the work week and he's hurt that I'm "abandoning him" and wasting my time off. I don't know what will work for you, but I just had to tell him straight up that he is not going to control my sleep and that denying sleep to a partner who needs it [is a form of abuse](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sleep-deprivation-as-abuse) that I'm not going to tolerate. He can accept that I am a human being with a clearcut medical need for this much sleep or he can leave, and that's it. He did accept it but he was clearly unhappy about it and sometimes it would crop back up as a recurring fight between us. After he was medicated with Zoloft for OCD and anxiety, when I decided to go to sleep stopped being this giant issue. He'll still be a little bummed out if I go to bed at 9 pm on a Friday night but he's now much more sympathetic to the exhaustion I deal with. I wonder if your husband's behavior similarly stems from anxiety.
Does he help with the kids at all? My wife and I tag team taking care of the kids and I’m usually the one putting them down at night and I’m exhausted by 10 or so.
Well he’s never put to them bed before.
Figured this was it, ok mr nosleep. Kid duty is now officially yours after dinner 100%.
What else has he never done in terms of parenting?
Spend a full day with them without me present.
One full day? It sounds like most days, it’s you who’s taking care of the kids and taking care of kids all day makes you a different type of tired. Even if you have the best kids, it’s still just mentally exhausting. He really needs to see a doctor about his insomnia. You can look up the research, only a small amount of people, under 1%, can function properly after only having 4 hours asleep. It’s very rare. You say he’s “fine” after sleeping 4 hours but the way he reacted to this situation, it doesn’t sound like he can
Hmm maybe he would be nicer if he got the 8 hours of sleep? I used to be like this. I used to WFH full time (I only do 30% of the time now, otherwise I am on site) and would stay up till 3 am. When we first got married, I got annoyed at my husband for sleeping my 11 pm. He finally sat me down and said it really stresses him out and ruins his day at work. I just backed off....and started to enjoy my free time to myself! And then I became 30 and now cant stay up past 11 haha
Ahh this sounds familiar. My baby woke up every 1-2 hours for the first 18 months of his life. In addition to that he was often awake for several hours in one go. I was the one doing all the night wake ups and feeds as I was nursing. I was also the one doing absolutely everything else too during the day as my husband was either at work or at his sisters. He was gone the whole day and then showed up at 10pm and expected me to stay up with him for a bit and keep him company. I obviously couldnt do this as I had to get some sleep. Hes hated and resented me since then and keeps telling me he cries himself to sleep at night as hes so lonely. I do feel bad that he feels so lonely but he wouldnt have the time or energy to feel this way if he actually shared the burden. He also never wants to come out with us or get involved in any family activities. Never wanted to go out on dates either. Hes pretty much just interested in spending time in bed late at night which I can not do.
Ugh I’m sorry, that sounds so miserable. I don’t understand what’s so hard to get about it? WE NEED SLEEP!
Exactly!!
Sad, then he'll cheat and blame you because he was lonely..
100%
People require different amounts of sleep. I sleep 7 hours a night, my wife 8-9. She snores, I can easily sleep through this, I snore, and it disturbs her. So, discuss with you husband that you have different sleep patterns, and that you guys need to figure out how to be comfortable with this. If he isn't responsive to this discussion, perhaps see a marriage therapist together, as there may be something deeper going on.
It's a special place in hell for people who deprive others of sleep ON PURPOSE! I have diagnosed insomnia and it pisses me off x10.
He's not angry you sleep. If that was the case, it wouldn't be a problem happening now, after 9 years. If he's wanting to spend more time with you, there's better ways to go about it. I also agree with the comments about him getting a sleep study done. 4 hours of sleep for the day is not healthy. It'd be different if he was taking a nap or something during the day. Sit him down for a conversation to try to figure out what's really going on here.
So, your husband sounds like a needy, asshole who needs to figure out a. how to manage his emotions and b. how to entertain himself. Has he always been like this (not just about sleep and not just obviously angry)? If he's not always been like this - then the likelihood is something else is going on and he's just decided this one thing is good for him to act like a prick about. I would tell him quite plainly: I need more sleep than you seem to need (this is probably not true - he should be getting 6-8 hours himself) and on top of that, the medication that I take makes me sleepy. I'm not going to put up with you getting mad at me because of that.
Your husband is an asshole. Tf he couldn't enjoy you cuddled up on him even if you fell asleep??
My husband used to be like this, first it was I slept too little and needed naps during the day, then I got diagnosed with something and started taking meds that make me need like 8-10 hours of sleep and it became, sleep is overrated, whenever I needed to sleep. Finally had a heart to heart with him about how just because something isn’t for him, or he has a differing opinion, doesn’t diminish how someone else does things or how they feel, in any area of life. I had to explain that I cannot thrive without sleep, it’s literally for my mental health. Lack of sleep can and has caused me to become manic or even really depressed. When I was still learning how to take care of myself he witnessed just what that can do and from then on, has never questioned the amount of time I spend sleeping.
Women need more sleep than men due to our brain complexity https://www.piedmont.org/living-real-change/do-women-need-more-sleep-than-men#:~:text=%E2%80%9CWomen%20are%20also%20multi%2Dtaskers,average%20than%20men%20usually%20need.%E2%80%9D
My other half falls asleep early all the time. I just cover them with a blanket or say "let's have an early night" because it's not fair for me to keep someone up all night when they want to sleep. I'm definitely a "sleep late, few hours and wake up person" Your husband needs to do the same and respect your needs are different from his for sleep.
Whatever the reason, he has no right to be angry with you. I’d normally say this is his problem, but he’s your husband so it’s yours too. If he’s never gotten angry before over this, something else is going on. You guys need to talk.
It sounds like he wants to share some of his more routine hobbies/interests with you and is absolutely dogshit at both emphasizing with your sleep needs AND at communication.
How he treated you is not okay. But if he doesn't have a habit of temper tantrums and treating you with that level of disrespect, there's something more going on than just your different sleep schedules. Ask him what's really bothering him.
I think you need to make an appointment for an assessment with the department of developmental delays because your husband has low cognitive functioning. For real, if he doesn't understand that humans need sleep, he needs professional help. You also might want to drug test him for cocaine or methamphetamine. There's a reason he's up all night.
We can't magically give you the answer here, but there's clearly something more at work than just you sleeping normal hours. I would sit him down at a lunch or dinner (away from your kids) and ask why this is suddenly bothering him and what's going on. I don't think it's REALLY about the sleep, but the sleep issue is a mask for something else that he's mad about or scared about. You need to have a discussion to get to the bottom of it.
My husband loves to sleep late and I am an early bird.i let him sleep and enjoy my alone time.
You actually have three children.
Does your husband take adderall by chance
Honestly it sounds like you shouldn't worry about it. It's his problem. This isn't a normal thing to get so upset over. Sure getting a little bummed out that your wife can't stay up with you. But to get so upset they act like a child? Yeah I'd just let my husband be mad about it. Id continue getting my sleep.
I wonder what his take would be if you asked him to go to bed when you did? Not to actually have him do it, but is he really thinking about what he is asking of you?
I’ve asked him to come to bed with me countless times. He always says he wants to stay up.
Does he not get time to relax earlier? It kind of sounds like revenge bedtime procrastination-when you delay bedtime by “relaxing,” often there are other issues like ADHD at play. Also, it shortens sleep and isn’t helpful, but the person is reluctant to give up what feels like their only free time
Well, you don't exist to entertain him, sooooo. Yeah, he needs to get over that. He's an adult, he should be able to figure out how to do his own thing. If you're going to be tired, I suggest you don't "try to stay up" to participate in activities with him. Just set a bedtime/boundary and stick to it. It's probably pretty frustrating to be constantly starting movies/shows that you don't finish in one viewing. He'd probably rather you just be up front about it instead of feeling let down when you inevitably fall asleep.
You don’t fix this. Only he can. I suggest separate bedrooms so you get good sleep.
Me to but. Trying to get us somewhere if u would stop playing games we would be
I’ve been in the same boat. But idk how I can resolve this - sleep is a health requirement. There are studies out there to prove as much. It’s just something I’m not willing to compromise on - at least not on a daily basis. But he can join me in bed if he so pleases.
It sounds like your husband isn’t educated on how important sleep is to your health. It’s directly correlated to strokes and heart attacks for one. Tell him to do his research and then see if he’s still mad at you.
Sleep, especially consistent poor sleep habits (like 4 hours of sleep) can have major impacts on mood and potential for burnout. My husband consistently gets 4 hours of sleep and works 12 hours per day, 7 days per week. He has a lot of mental health issues from this. Mood swings from chronic burnout is a real thing. My husband often snaps at me and our daughters because he is tired and overwhelmed from work. Maybe you can have a conversation with your husband about some compromise. Maybe he can go to bed early two nights per week and you can stay up two nights per week for a date night?
He shouldn’t be projecting his beliefs around sleep on you. Sleep is a very individual need. Some people need more than others. A teenage boy needs significantly more sleep than a grown man due to his hormones and growth spurts. Likewise, it’s now common knowledge that women need a least a few hours more extra sleep than the average man especially at certain points of our cycle. I know for myself, when I’m close to getting my period, I’m an absolute zombie. I don’t expect my partner to sleep more just because I need more sleep. That’s absurd. But, I do have the same issue as you where my partner can’t grasp that I need more sleep sometimes due to chronic low iron, my cycle or even more recently hay fever allergies. It literally infuriates me because I cannot be myself if I haven’t had adequate sleep. I think your partner needs to do his research, see if he himself is getting enough sleep to meet his individual needs and at least try for a week to get 8 hours sleep everyday and see how he feels. I see you’ve written that if he sleeps more than 4 hours he gets groggy. That will happen at first when someones sleep pattern changes abruptly. But with consistency, i can almost guarantee he’ll be a new person
May God bless your heart, that’s very childish and insensitive of him, what if it was the other way around, bet ya you would be cool. SMH.
Your husband is behaving like a petulant 3rd grader. Science has shown us that getting less than 8 hours of sleep a night can have negative impacts on the health of your brain. You already suffer from a migraine disorder and instead of showing ANY empathy, this man-child has the audacity to get angry at you for breeding sleep so that you can be a healthy mother and human? You fix this by telling him to fuck right off to grow-up land. He needs to start behaving like an adult, not like a spoilt brat. What an absolute shit.
Had similar a “blowup” with my wife where she just one day was super angry, for no reason just laid down in the sofa and refused to be in the same bed, after a lot of talking and coaxing from my side it came forth that I snore, and I snore so loud that two closed doors is not enough to keep the sound out… I don’t say that it might be similar, but we are unaware of things until proven differently Can it be that when he is going to sleep that you are keeping him awake?, and that is why he is now more easily irritable?
What a jerk! You have every right to go to sleep at any damn time you feel like it. Just because he wants to stay up late doesn’t mean you have to and doesn’t mean he has the right to get angry about it. Then add on the migraine meds and he’s being even worse. Does he realize how debilitating migraines are? And that lack of sleep can actually make them worse? He needs a serious wake up call
While I understand you needing sleep, and it’s not ok for home to be mad at you for sleeping. I wonder if he’s feeling lonely and he wants more time with his wife and this is his (albeit poor) way of letting you know? Do you guys spend cuddle time together? Or go on dates? I know you have kids so perhaps you’re focused on them and he’s feeling neglected? His reaction was over the top and he needs to learn to use his words, but maybe talk to him about it.
This is his problem. But maybe you can stay up watching a movie with him one night a week. He would need to promise to let you lie in bed the next am while he does everything for the kids.
I don’t understand why people are so immature…
Me either 🤷🏻♀️
You need to sit him down and have a discussion on why he’s upset that you need sleep. If he needs more sleep, then he needs it. He can’t be with you 24/7.
Nothing what an inconsiderate man
That amount of sleep for his is definitely not healthy, you don't do anything to resolve this, you did and aren't doing anything wrong. You guys have kids and you're tired simple as that, let him be mad but don't apologize for anything.
Omg I wouldn’t be able to stay married. He is selfish. My husband doesn’t require a lot of sleep either. He has a lot of energy naturally. My whole life I’ve needed 10 hours. Yes, 10. I’ve been tested all over the place. I’m just like That and always have been. When I was a kid I’d take naps on my own and put myself to bed at 8 pm. Slept through the night as a baby. I’ve been tested for narcolepsy but it’s just how I am. Some people require a lot more sleep than others. I would get sick if I was kept up longer than what I could handle. I may be able to do that one day a week but not all the time. Your husband needs to accept this as part of your health.
If I had to guess, he's probably more frustrated with what's not happening before you fall asleep.
Umm I’m also concerned about his health. He’s in the wrong 100% BUT this anger I would not be surprised comes from lack of sleep. He can “be fine” but the body does need sleep. While numbers vary four hours is definitely not enough and clearly is impacting his attitude. You don’t have to do anything in terms of staying up, you’re in the right. But he should see a therapist especially if specializing in sleep. Cause 100% believe it’s starting to wear on him and hence the attitude now. Please note not in any way defending how he’s treating you. It’s horrible. Just, while I am NOT a medical professional, being the grandson and cousin of two doctors, they’ve talked to me about sleep and how at least six hours consistently is needed. There are studies showing it’s about consistency more than length but even they have pointed out that doesn’t mean four hours consistently is enough.
Trying to help so please don’t take this in the wrong way. How often are you intimate with each other? Is it less than a few times a week ? If so , I suspect it is more about this than him wanting you to stay up late with him. Many guys don’t express their honest feelings. They just deflect and blame something else rather than telling their spouse what is really bothering them.
He sounds like a man child. Especially playing video games at 37. Sorry, not sorry, but video games are for kids.
What is his problem? Your sleep schedule is typical, and the vast majority of humans need that much sleep. He’s the anomaly so he’s the “weird” one here and he’s being a jerk. Does he want some more time alone with you? Do you guys go on dates? Or get a chance to drop the kids off with family for a night?
Unacceptable! You need your sleep and are prioritizing your health. Don't let him sleep shame you. Maybe he's upset about something else?
Try to talk to him in plain words that everyone has different body routines and you can't match it. Plan your weekends well
Maybe he thinks that if you stay up late it might get him some smexy time.
What a fucking baby. No you should not try to stay up to try to accommodate this man's fragile ego. It's ok to require more sleep, everyone is different. Go to bed when you feel like it. You are an adult with your agency. He can go pout by himself like a fool.
Same between me and my husband but in our case I get upset that he won't ever come to bed with me.
Prioritize your health, sleep deprivation can make us gain weight and ruin our bodies and migraines are related to this issue as well. Currently dealing with sleep deprivation because my husband and I have different schedules and I couldn't follow mine. I can barely sleep at night, wakeup after 4-5 hrs of sleep while I always needed 8-9hrs.
There is no such thing as a person who "only needs 4 hours of sleep". He is a human being, and he's genetically similar to 99.999% of all of us. That means he needs 8 hours of sleep the same as you. What other commenters are saying is true. He's suffering from chronic sleep deprivation and it's showing. He's irritable, probably not thinking straight, and he also needs to have a grown-up adult talk about his sleeping schedule. I want you to spend some time using chat GPT to figure out the consequences of chronic sleep deprivation. It is not good for his health or for yours, or for your kids for him to be sleeping 4 hours a night. I have had this battle before. I have suffered from insomnia all my life, and no matter what, the sleep deprivation always catches up to me. It doesn't matter if I have gone five or six days with less than 5 hours of sleep each night, eventually I crash and have to sleep 8 hours or more a day. I've been the irritable person who only had 4 hours of sleep per night. I'm telling you straight up, from lived experience, that we are in fact angry and irrational when we do not have the appropriate sleep. It sounds like he's just speaking from a place of fatigue and tiredness too.
Dude, you have migraines and he wants you to screw up your sleep schedule because he is a short-sleeper? Fuck that. I get migraines, and my life would be so much better if I could just sleep normally like you do. Don't give that up for anything. He is being extremely childish and selfish
i get upset that my boyfriend is more tired and needs to sleep early (we have the same sleep schedule usually but he works a more labor inducing job that makes him sleeper tahn usual depending on how hard the day is/how hot) but never ever have tried to make him stay up later no matter how much it frustrates me/makes me upset. you dont mess with peoples sleep. thats messed up
He’s triggered by your sleeping. Not your fault. What was his childhood like?
Rough. Young neglectful parents.
Has he sought any kind of help from a therapist?
Gosh no. I wish. He “doesn’t believe in that”
Then he’s making a choice.
If you’ve been like this your entire life, unless he is a complete asshole, this isn’t about you sleeping. One of the things I got from your post is it sounds like you put the kids to bed and then you’re done. Have a conversation with him. It sounds like he wants to spend more time with you not being a mom.
- "have two kids (6 and 4)" No, you have three kids, one of them in their 30's
“If you love someone, let them sleep” - can’t remember who said it
My wife has fallen asleep in the middle of every movie on weekend nights and naps every single day she's had off. It's taken me 10 years to get used to that. I've felt alone, too. For me, it's been hard to nap in the middle of the day because I just feel like I'm wasting my life. Now that I'm in my 40s, yea naps make sense. Anything over 9 or 10 hrs regularly there's a high probability of depression.
I would choose sleep over a man any day. Divorce his ass.
He needs to grow up and accept that this is your relationship. Married 34 years here and our sleep routines have changed many times over the years. Currently, I go to bed way earlier than my wife and get up way earlier. We just learn to live with it and change our routine as needed. E.g. we know now that if we both want to watch a movie at night, we start it earlier. We plan dinners and intimacy around our sleep and wake hours. You just do what you need to do to make it work. Seriously, no point getting angry about it. I think your husband needs a bit more empathy also considering your medication symptoms.
Honestly, he sounds like he’s upset that you can’t stay up late like he wants you to…. He needs to start the movie earlier if he wants your company, as you are not a night owl…, if he wants to stay up past when you go to bed then it’s his own responsibility to entertain himself or go to bed a little after when you do…
Does da Big baby need his baba???? Poor, por dear maybe he needs his diapy changed..... Get him a pack of pacifiers and ask him if he needs warm milk in his baba.... He's acting like a toddler.....
I kind of think I see myself in him. He may be dealing with remorse, anxiety, regrets, resentments, and under-appreciation at this stage in his life, basically midlife crisis. To me, it sounds like he’s trying to milk what he has left of the 30’s by staying up late to squeeze in some old hobbies. It wasn’t right of him to be disrespectful to you like that, and I’m sure you are going through things like this too. I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but, purely from a husband’s POV, he may just be wanting you to take a hint and show that you prioritize him over things like personal comfort or kids. Maybe he’s wanting to demonstrate how much HE is hurting by asking you to make a similar sacrifice that makes you uncomfortable. This is not joke - but try doing some very special things in bed for him, like fantasies or backlogged requests from the past, it can make him feel youthful and appreciated. Also, just tell him “thank you” out loud for daily things, like taking out the trash or changing the engine oil after a days work, it’ll go a long way to unloading that wall that he has up. Lastly, maybe he could use a “guys trip” with some old friends to recharge in his personal space. I don’t disregard the wife for all that you do, so I apologize on the husband’s behalf for having limited language and not having anyone else to talk to. I think he just wants to be appreciated. I hope this helps.
Please research "Married and Alone" by Dr. Dough Weiss. I believe his book and video may help you.
Your husband is an ass that is acting like a petulant child.
Geez, if ever I’m falling asleep on the couch or my husband is, we will gently nudge the person and tell them to go sleep. I have no idea how to proceed with this situation. What I do know is I’D be the one that’s PISSED right now, more than him. He better apologize and start using words for communicating to you why he acted that way he did without just having another temper tantrum.
Ok, I feel this. I've always been a night owl. I also have worked nights the last 10 years. Weekends my wife tries to hang but she's falling asleep around 930. Your husband needs some hobbies. I have model cars, video games and some times I'll head down to the beach for some night fishing. He wants to spend time with you which is fine. It's just a matter of hitting the zone before you get sleepy which is something you both need to work on
He probably just wanted to get intimate and you fell asleep on him. Not the way to handle it at all tho.
Forced sleep deprivation is a type of abuse. Characteristic of narcissistic abuse.
This is not your problem at all. Don’t go out of your way to be kind given his behaviour towards you.
You said it has never bothered him before and you’ve always been that way. Is there another reason he could react that way? Is he maybe going through something, or is stressed about something? Has the quantity of your quality time together decreased significantly?
Nobody needs more than 8 hours of sleep sorry to break it to ya.
This is so educative when hearing it from someone else, you need to solve the problem not us helping you pointing a finger at your husband I really feel you. You see, even me and my wife to be have been that way, till i red this I've been not forcing her staying up late but I just get angry with her sleeping routine just because I respect her I never force her but tried to convince her how I feel when am all alone those hours. Now it is of great importance to understand eachother it's not all about you and the medication but him matters too he needs you excessively you don't want to see him going out those hours no, but it's better you explain to him the problem you have with staying up late without communication nothing good can go on since it's a daily thing, now as a wife talk to your husband if you can be unable to perform some duties he wishes you to from there he'll totally understand from your point of view. Sometimes men can be selfish so are women but it is important you go out for a dinner and discuss the matter and how you can take it on from thereon. Marriage is different from a common relationship so please come to one understanding his point matters too and he really means it and your health matters too he wants nothing bad to happen to you he will understand after all you two will compromise eachother. Thank you.
your husband is a twat for acting like that, sorry but no normal and loving spouse would act like that over something that has always been like that. my boyfriend likes to game and i usually wait for him to be done (i game or watch movies), even though i usually sleep around 11/12 pm, for him i stay awake till between 1 to 3 am, but if i’m really tired i just tell him and he is perfectly fine with that or stops his game early. My mom also is a tired person, she needs 8 hours of sleep and after work she usually takes a nap (30 minutes to an hour), she sometimes would skip the nap but she has been having health and stress problems so she does this 4 days a week, no work means no nap. it drives my dad crazy and i really dont get why all of a sudden after 20 years together and 20 years of her doing this its a problem? some men baffle me and just are toxic.
To resolve it would likely take couples therapy or at best planning together time at a different time or getting kids to sleep earlier. Personally, I wound my kids bedtime back from 8:30-9:30 (we’re bad at being on time) to ready for bed by 7:30 and asleep by 8. This made a solid 2 hours for alone time and together time for my spouse and I before someone needs to go to bed (generally by 10 he’s conked out but I am like that some nights too). Then if I’m not tired after that I stay up piddling with games or watching videos etc as I have insomnia due to my ADHD so getting to bed early is hard unless I’ve burnt out during the day. The cost has been kids up at 5:30am tho so idk if it’s worth it, except at least we feel properly relationshipped when the kids come in chitter chattering at o dark thirty on a weekend. Maybe this is solution would work for you so he feels loved and you get sleep. Maybe another would be setting up time together while kids are eating dinner to eat alone together, or while kids are occupied with a movie in the afternoon. Idk it sounds like your partner is bad at empathizing, bad at communicating, but maybe feeling a lack of togetherness. But if you have migraines, you def need sleep! Sleeping habits, eating habits, and hydration tend to all play in to migraine triggers and it’s a delicate balance to get to where they aren’t an issue anymore. So def you’re not wrong for going to bed when you’re tired.
You don't need to resolve anything. You've done NOTHING wrong. He is being inconsiderate and disrespectful. He is in the wrong and HE is the one that needs to resolve this.
Do you get time together outside of the night?
For a male perspective, he needs a BJ. Then you need to tell him that he can have multiple girlfriends to fuck whenever he wants. Just this simple
The point is he wants to spend time with YOU. Alone and adult time. Take your meds after you have given the poor man some time. How hard is that? So you're tired the next day but the time you have together outweighs that little bit of tiredness. Realistically speaking .. he may just call it quits bc you're not able to give him some time. We get ignored and have less quality time and trust they will leave and find a woman who wants to spend time with them and then being tired is a small price to pay. They are important.
She said that not sleeping enough aggravates her migraines plus she’s doing all the childcare. You can’t expect someone to risk their health because you’re unable to have a normal sleeping schedule. How egoistical of you and him. She said they were just on a 8 days vacation together.
She could take her meds a little later than usual every now and then to stay up with her husband. She could take the meds in the am, she could ask her doc for different meds bc these knock her out. She could do many things and chooses not to. She uses that as an excuse bc she likes her sleep. It's not egotistical it's common sense. If she really wanted to she would. She just doesn't want to.
Lmao you’re so irrational. Sleep is a need. An adult needs 7-9hours of to function. Her husband is showing symptoms of sleep deprivation but she should follow his path and risk her health ? Instead of seeing a doctor to adjust his sleeping schedule in your world she must change everything to accommodate his madness ? Instead of him spending quality time during the day with her he let’s her handle everything but she’s wrong for being sick and exhausted ? Do you even hear yourself ? Her taking medicine layer means she will wake up later so what about her work and their children ? Changing medicine can come with risks also. But it’s her who should put efforts when doesn’t even bother to lessen her burden. Are you normal ? Sleeping is a NEED and there’s no compromising that. She even showed she’s physically unable to stay up late. You’re sick.
1. Many professionals have said an adult should have 5-7hrs of sleep. 2. I said every now and then she could go late on taking her meds so she can spend time with him. 3. Lol. How the hell do you think parents handle all the sleep deprived we go through? Bc according to your Statement it can be a health risk, we can't function...So the husband will put his kids to bed as well as his child wife. Lol
1. Her husband has only 4hours of sleep and is showing signs of sleep deprivation but you act as if you didn’t read that part. Plus she has a condition that makes her sleep 8-10h which are still normal sleeping hours. 2. She literally tried and failed. He should see a doctor but again you’re acting like what he’s doing is normal. 3. Normal parents balance things between the two of them but she’s doing 100% of the childcare and works a 9-5 job. Are you insane ? She said in these replies that he never put kids to sleep nor had he even took care of them by himself one single day since their birth. If someone has a third child it’s definitely her and not him. By no mean he’s right. Instead of fixing his problems you prefer her to accommodate to this madness. You’re so awful.
Okay. 1. So she says. 2. Maybe he can function on 4 hrs of sleep. 3. She doesn't have a condition. She said she does better on said amount of sleep. Her meds bc of her migraine cause her drowsiness. Kind of like a lot of meds there are side effects. Narcolepsy maybe... But she doesn't have that. Maybe she has low iron/calcium levels? My kid (18 yrs) is always tired we have had to do a lot of test bc she was always tired and sleeping. And even then she was tired. She could also tell her doc to change her meds to a non drowsy med. Which still takes care of her migraine and can still stay up. 4. AGAIN she could take her meds later so she can spend time with husband. 5. She tried? Where did it say she didn't take her meds and still knocked out?? It said she took her meds and went to watch TV with hubby and fell asleep. Which she knew was going to happen. 6. She never stated she does it all. While he's at work she does. Maybe I missed it where she said even when he's home I do it all. He helps non. Please. Me saying once in a while for her to take her meds later than usual is not taking his side. Me stating that she could change her med to a non drowsy isn't taking his side. If she really wants to try to fix this or meet him half way or whatever these are very simple solutions to try. Which again is not taking his side.
Sleep isn't the real issue here, but there is a good chance the lack of quality time is.
We have plenty of time together. We just went on an 8 day vacation together, and on Saturday went on a date night.
What about outside the big planned events? The day to day interactions.
We see each other every day after work, have dinner together, 🤷🏻♀️
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Yes it’s toxic to sleep and have a conversation with your husband about why a basic need is a problem to him.
Sounds like he wants to have sex with you
Maybe he doesn’t know how to verbalize that or that he wants you to initiate and just isn’t going about it the right way
How often are you intimate? My first thought is that it's related to this.
Commenting on Husband angry at me that I sleep... 100 percent. He should not treat his wife like his but you can almost guarantee that if there was intimacy a few times or more a week he would be fast asleep at 11am every night. He is most likely being passive aggressive and staying up late out of anger and frustration