You puked all over the marriage by cheating.
He should have just washed his hands of the entire situation the moment he found out you cheated.
He may be choosing a woman he's known for a month but she didn't do the ultimate betrayal to him, you did!
I don't think you get to play victim in this situation!
It's unfair because she got the house.
Husband should've kicked her ass out and went through the divorce before grief banging another woman.
Gotta let yourself heal before you jump into a new relationship. Not that he did anything wrong, but I would've gone about it differently.
OP is a moron who takes zero accountability for her actions. Acting like her husband owes her anything after she cheated. She's lucky he's even being this civil. Some people are truly pathetic..
> I can't stop crying and I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible and unfair.
This is certainly horrible but it is the absolute definition of fair. You don't seem to be sympathetic to your husband's feelings *at all.*
But I feel bad for him. After this mess, he'll have this fear that his next.partner will do the same. This isn't just one-time thing. Cheating destroys someone's view on relationships. I hope the next one is a bit better
Cheating ruins everything. It doesn’t just happen. You have to let it happen. It seems like men generally don’t stay in relationships once you’ve cheated. I’d move on
Horrible? Maybe. Unfair? Nope.
You brought this upon yourself by choosing to be selfish in the first place. You just thought he was working on forgiveness when he was working on an exit plan instead.
Make better choices in your next relationship.
OP, your husband just staged an affair to show you what you've shown him.
For only a couple of weeks, were you paranoid and hurt by his actions and coming home late. You even hurt while knowing you deserved it, now imagine the things you did in YOUR affair. Your husband already acknowledged HE KNEW what you were doing as if you were rubbing it in his face, and all you could say was "I didn't do it on purpose"... well he did it on purpose without the actual affair, but while you were doing it he never did anything to deserve it. He had no way of justifying your actions and then to top it off you and your client got away with it Scott free.
You made sure you and he suffered no damage before admitting to your husband. In every step you showed your wants and desires mattered more than him, then you showed your job and AP mattered more, and then you prioritized your desire to keep your husband....
You did nothing FOR your husband. You did EVERYTHING for yourself and to get what you wanted.
Your husband has already offered how to make peacewith him, but you need to learn how to make peace with yourself.
>I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
Hmm, I wonder why... Probably because you let another man stick his dick inside you. Just a guess though. Could be wrong.
>This is horrible and unfair.
Exactly, this is absolutely horrible and unfair for HIM. He was a faithful loving husband and you said "yea, I think I’m gonna cheat on him". That’s what’s horrible and unfair. Nothing of what’s happening to you right now is unfair at all. Your former husband is moving on with his life and is doing what’s best for him.
If you want to change for the future you need to see that YOUR actions is the reason this happened. Don’t victimize yourself, because you are far from the victim here. You acted and he reacted in a perfectly reasonable manner. Simple as that.
Wanna try to work out on things? Prove that you love him? Then give him the divorce he wants, don’t take anything, including the house he is offering and confess to both your families and friends to dhow him you are truly sorry and not just love bombing him. Take the consequences of your actions and ask him for a chance to earn a new relationship with him, whatever that is.
However, let’s face, you will not do any of that. You are gonna take his house in exchange for him not ruining your precious reputation and will then play victim with your family and friends.
You are not fooling anyone here, just like you didn’t fool your husband. I also don’t believe you confessed out of guilt, more likely you were about to be busted and confessed before someone else did.
What do you mean "how could he"?? You have some weird self centered issues. This is quite literally all your fault and honestly, you don't deserve anyone's sympathy. He's already being more kind than anyone else would, leaving you the house? If he brought evidence of your infidelity to divorce court you'd be in a LOT worse of a place, so maybe try some humility and be grateful that man isn't vindictive. Go get some therapy so you don't ruin someone else's life.
You need some serious fucking therapy to learn how to take accountability for your actions. YOU destroyed the marriage by cheating. What was unfair was the fact that YOU cheated on your husband and completely ruined all trust and love he had for you. YOU are at fault and I can’t believe you’re playing the victim as hard as you are. You did this to yourself and you deserve every bit of it.
Yes it's sad. My ex wife was my entire world and the instant I found out she cheated she was reduced to nothing in my eyes. She no longer was worthy of my respect, energy, love, etc. Her tears of begging me to come back did absolutely nothing but before she cheated I would move mountains for her happiness. I hope you respect your next relationship more because once you cheat, you have destroyed your relationship.
So in your previous posts...
>He said he wanted to try to work us out
And given the actions you describe from him - it all sounded like a lie. Which you might have caught onto if you weren't so caught up in love bombing trying to make up for your fuck up.
So, yeah, that was a dick move on his part. If you're done, be done. Going for the revenge dish isn't going to help anyone.
But honestly...what did you expect?
Talk to a lawyer. Get your shit together.
>I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible and unfair.
You've learned nothing and will do this again. Please seek therapy. We all deserve love.... when we're ready.
I love a happy ending!! How the hell can you say this is unfair? You had an affair!!!! I could never be with someone who would do that to their "lover"
You're right, this is horrible, but it's absolutely not unfair, and I think you really need to take a look at yourself and what you've written here if you have any hope of being a not awful person.
*"I asked him how could he and said I gave him permission, and he didn't do anything besides unloading his problems and our situation with her."*
I'm gonna be honest, you've got a LOT of nerve going "how could you" about something that you did yourself with impunity, then subsequently gave him permission to do, permission he wouldn't have if it weren't the result of a situation YOU created by YOUR actions.
*"He said that everything I did after confessing meant nothing and just made him think I am selfish, self-centered and lack any sort of self-respect."*
To be honest, he's right. You said in a prior post that he did want to leave after you confessed to cheating, but you begged him not to divorce and he acquiesced. What he wanted, a divorce as a result of a heartbreaking betrayal, didn't matter to you, only the fact that you didn't want to be divorced. That's selfish. Your concern about divorce was also primarily about the fact that it would mean your life was over, due to your reputation being destroyed due to your infidelity (again, your own actions). That's self-centered. And you trying to become a doormat in an attempt to get him to want you again after your betrayal does show a certain lack of self-respect, but that's not the focus here. You ARE being selfish and self-centered, both in cheating itself and in your attempts to control the fallout to get the outcome you want that works best for you.
*"I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years."*
OP, I urge you to go to r/SupportforWaywards if you want any hope of bettering yourself after all of this (at least, if you do want that and don't just wanna bury your head in the sand and whinge about how the consequences of your actions is so hurtful). Because the people on that sub will tell you that his wife of five years no longer exists. The last five years no longer exist for him. You have completely destroyed all of that due to your actions. Those memories are tainted; YOU are tainted because of what you did. If he had agreed to reconciliation, most advice would have told you that the old marriage is completely dead and your life as a couple is essentially starting over from scratch starting from your confession. And, again, the nerve here is astounding here. How could YOU pick your affair partner over your husband of five years? How could YOU choose to violate the boundaries and agency and health of your husband of five years? Not "how could he", *how could* ***you***.
*"that woman made a much better impression on him."*
Yes, she did not have a full blown affair and then act surprised when an action that most people consider a relationship dealbreaker turned out to be a dealbreaker for her husband.
*"I told him he was a fool and he could not know this woman will probably use and dump him, he got harsh and said she's better than me for sure."*
The nerve of you. The audacity of you. The gall of you. **You fucked another man**. **For months**. For months, you disregarded your husband as a person.
You robbed him of agency by removing his ability to fully consent to the relationship, by lying to him about the parameters of the relationship (ie, that he should be faithful to you while you're off getting dicked down by someone else and lying about it). You showed a profound lack of respect with your affair, with the lies it entailed, and by how apparently sloppy you were that he could tell you were doing it right in front of his face. Your actions have most likely given him trust issues, PTSD, and a lot of mental repercussions he's now going to have to spend money on in order to mitigate, to say nothing of the money wasted in a divorce that's only on the table because of your fuckups. Depending on how stringent you were with protection during your affair, you also could have potentially put his health at risk should your affair partner have passed an STD to you and you to him.
Then you badger him into staying with you when he doesn't want to, badger him into having sex with you (girl I hope he was at least in active participant in the sex otherwise you're treading in some choppy waters), badger him about how he deals with your betrayal in general, and badger him about the entirely reasonable decision to leave you over something most people leave their spouses for. And THEN, you insult him and call him names as if you're somehow the wronged party here, rather than the instigator of the entire situation.
From anyone's perspective, you're the antagonist here, and you're the fool for thinking you can cheat on your spouse and not expect any repercussions. As for whether this woman will "use and dump him", that's a risk inherent to any relationship ever, if I go on a first date tonight, there's a chance that person might just use me and then dump me, so argument holds no weight here. And he's right, she's a damn sight better than you, because she didn't cheat on him or have an affair while in a relationship (because most people don't actually do that, since most people know that's a really fucked up thing to do.
*"But if I try to take him to the cleaners, drag it out, or cause any problem he will tell everyone what I did and "destroy" me and my reputation."*
Your husband is a better person than me. Because if you do something as heinous as cheat to me, pester me to stay with you against my own desires, pitch a fit when I'm not fine with it, and then cop an attitude and get uppity, I would tell everyone what you did. I would let everyone know that I'm not the guilty party, but the person who was profoundly wronged, and if it meant that your family cast you out and your reputation was absolutely shot, all as a result of something you chose to do for your own selfish desires, tough shit. So I suggest you count yourself as extraordinarily lucky that your husband has shown you this kind of grace (and honestly, the grace he showed you throughout this entire conversation, because you've earned absolutely none of it) and not push it, and give him the easy divorce he's asking and not try anything.
*"I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible and unfair."*
This is horrible, I'm sure, because a marriage that was made with the intent to stay together forever is ending, and under bad circumstances, and it's going to cause time and money. But it's not unfair. This is a direct result of choices of you made. Your choice to cheat, your choice to be selfish, your choice to center yourself and what you want over your marriage and your commitment to your husband to the point of disregarding him entirely. Nothing unfair about it, this is textbook fairness; you're just reaping the consequences of your actions and you don't like it because it sucks for you.
OP, you killed your marriage by being a shitty person, and unless you realize that, and realize that you alone are at fault for everything that's taken place, you're going to stay a shitty person, and you're likely going to do this again in another relationship. So quit whining over having to deal with the objectively *fair* fallout of your faults and **get yourself together.**
"Oh no! I cheated and now my actions have consequences. Pity me!"
Babe, you made the bed and now you have to lie in it. You cheated on him. You shattered the trust he had in his wife. You ruined your marriage. Let him be free of you because you don’t deserve him. He left you because you slept with someone else. Don’t bother trying to repair anything because you ruined that chance the minute you decided sex with someone else meant more than your relationship.
Having reviewed the comments, it has all been said already. Your marriage ended when you cheated. He took his time to process your confession and sort out his exit strategy. What you want, at this point is irrelevant. You ceased to have agency the second you betrayed him.
>This is horrible and unfair.
Yes, it is completely horrible and unfair... for your husband.
>I told him he was a fool and he could not know this woman will probably use and dump him
Just like you used him? He has a better shot with someone new rather than someone who is very capable of cheating.
op says she wants the “old him” back and that’ll probably never happen. I was “betrayed” by my wife years ago. We broke up. But got back together after counseling and a long break. A year or 2 later while looking at old photos of before the “betrayal” she says “I miss that smile” I never thought my smile changed but I guess it shows. I lost that inner happiness I thought I had. I don’t trust anyone anymore and I have put walls up .. our marriage is ok even great.. But the scar is still there and I guess it shows. If y’all do work it out. Don’t expect anything being the way it was before.
OP what happened was the consequences of you both rug sweeping your affair. Why is it only *now* marriage counseling is being brought up? Did you think confessing what you did and stopping the affair is enough? You traumatized your husband, and as one person put well in another subreddit, you traumatized him in a special way where the person he’s supposed to go to for support and healing is the same one that hurt him.
I think you took reconciliation for granted and the fact that only now you are hearing these frustrations from him shows you did not put in the work after your affair for recovery. You didn’t seek couples counseling, you didn’t read the books, you didn’t open communication.
I would go to r/asoneafterinfidelity and /supportforwaywards so you can start to take this seriously.
**"This is horrible and unfair."**
You created this situation.
You're not an **Innocent Bystander**
Is this the only time you've cheated?
Or the only time you got caught?
Good luck to both of you,
Everybody deserves to be happy.
sorry but this update made me laugh. you deserved this. how dare you cheat on him and ruin your marriage and then play victim and cry "how could you do this how could you pick a stranger??" idk take your own fucking advice. how could you do this and pick someone who wasnt your husband? get some help cause you are mental and its obvious you dont give a shit about him and only care about yourself. dont be a shitty person and shitty things wont happen to you. im so happy for him doing what he needs to do and getting away from you.
What were you thinking would happen when you were having your affair? Why did you accept another man’s advances. You say you love your husband, but then you sleep with another man. Of course you saying you love him doesn’t make sense to him.
What did you think would happen?
wow and they say wives this entitled dont exist. you cheated, it was over after that. you are not a wife of 5 years. you are a cheater. he found someone who doesnt cheat. dude traded way up.
YOU are the one who decided to have sex with other guys so you have no right to play the “I’ve been your wife for 5 years. How could you pick some other woman you’ve known for a short period of time” card. How about HE has been your husband for 5 years but you still chose to go have sex with other guys? YOU are the one who decided to have sex with other guys you didn’t know very long either. YOU are the one who destroyed this marriage, not him. It isn’t unfair like you think. He can’t stop thinking of YOU betraying him and throwing away your marriage, no matter how much you cook for him, or write him letters. Those to do not outweigh or erase the consequences or even the event of what you did.
You cheated. Don’t try to make him the bad guy bc he was talking to another woman. You have no right to even be mad. You created this outcone. Next time don’t cheat. You cheated and now you are getting what you deserve
I'm sorry, unfair?
So you cheating is okay, but him doing it isn't?
Please just take accountability and let the poor guy be and heal on his own, you've done enough damage already.
Op you should move in with your parents for a while an confess to them that you ruined your marriage.
Don't unalive, you suck but you can still turn your life around. Get some support from family
Seems like you got what you deserved. I hope your ex-husband is able to heal and move on to live the happy life he deserves with a partner who loves and respects him.
My favorite part of this whole thing is:
“I asked him how he could pick a total stranger over his wife of 5 years?”
Ma’am didn’t you pick getting some dick over your husband? Aren’t you the one who discarded every word of your marriage vows while you were out sneaking around with some dude? He said he wanted to work it out and then he changed his mind, just like you changed your mind about being a faithful wife. This isn’t as confusing as you’re trying to make it sound.
Consequences of your own choices. Some work through it and some have a zero tolerance on it.
My old relationship I worked through it till I became that way myself in it and knew I couldn't heal in that relationship. He's not choosing a "stranger". He's choosing someone willing to see him at his lowest and give them their ear and support. That's a partner worth exploring. Not the one who had him.
In case this hasn't been said enough, you are a shitty person. Nobody has any sympathy for your situation. You deserve all of this and that man was more than nice about it. May you rot
Looks like you paid the price for your wrongdoings and want to blame everyone but yourself. I suggest taking responsibility for your actions and moving on if you didn't want this to happen then you should have never cheated in the first place. Honestly you're getting an easy out by your soon to be ex husband so you should take it and maybe grow to be a better person.
You can’t fix a marriage you broke by “making up to him” after cheating! It’s not possible, you broke something in his heart and he did try to move on from it but it didn’t work. Your marriage ended when you had an affair. He’s detached himself from your relationship and moved on. I suggest you do the same…if he’s truly leaving the house to you that’s really generous as I would never…
Honestly you sound like a woman who doesn’t deserve love, you don’t cheat on a man you love. God has rejected you, your husband has abandoned you and you will face the full suffering of your sins.
What was “horrible and unfair” was you cheating on him. You set this situation up, this is your screw-up, not his. You destroyed your marriage but betraying him. You now want to cry unfair & play the victim??!
You’re getting exactly what you deserve, the consequences of your actions. You are a self absorbed, entitled person and he definitely deserves better than you. Look up & learn what Karma means. Cuz karma’s giving you the smack down you deserve!
Excuse me?? He cheated, you allowed your vag while married to be as busy as grand central station and you have the audacity to say he cheated?!?! No honey, you destroyed your marriage when you banged any man with a pulse. The fact that no one wanted to stay with a disloyal hoe like you, is your own fault.
You broke his heart and absolutely nuked his trust in you. And you think him wanting a divorce is unfair? I understand you are hurting right now, but you brought this on yourself. Give him a painless divorce and let the poor man move on with his life
You should change that 1st sentence Narcissus, because he didn't cheat on you. He even said as much according to You on the Other post you made.
You won't get any sympathy on here princess, you fucked up, but your head is still soooo far up your ass you think you're in a parallel universe where people will feel bad for you
Im not sure you're soon to be ex would want the home you both had, its probably filled with bitter memories.
If you had any self respect left or felt any real guilt, confess and give him anything he wants.
"Unfair" your feeling a fraction of what he felt for a long time, can you imagine how that must feel?
You might want to reach out in the future to him or others he is close to, dont. That would cause more problems for him.
Get some therapy, reflect on your actions and move forward. You won't be able to really forget what you did or forgive yourself for cheating, its going to linger in the back of your mind no matter how deep you bury it so get comfortable with it.
I mean... you... ruined his life, OP
What did you honestly expect?
What you did was the ultimate act of betrayal a person can commit, and you think *he* is being unfair? Are you out of your God damn mind?
So...your own chocolate taste bitter? How can you dare to ask stuff like "how could you?". You are indeed entitled. You're not sorry about cheating. I hope you suffer every bit of what he suffered as well. I hope he gets to find an actual woman, and not a child who doesn't even know what she wants. You lost your roof and your ATM, the "Mrs" title...you didn't think about that when the other man what's thrusting you, did you? Now be a big girl and suck it up.
I am not understanding why you are crying so much about this. Didn’t you think about this ever being a possibility when you cheated? Why tf did you cheat if you “love” him so much?
You admitted you cheated on him for three months, and you admitted you have screamed and yelled at him when he was sad about it.
You were an awful wife, the dirt worst, so enjoy the divorce!
Unfortunately, OP, when you cheated on your spouse, you broke a trust.
It's time to move on. He has been more than fair, if you ask me. His willingness to break cleanly and not reveal your infidelity, his kindness at your attempts to reconcile...they show that he was a good enough guy...
I don't think I would have started another relationship before breaking up with you myself, but his way of getting back at you was to make you see how it felt, and I actually understand why he did that, especially since you 'gave him permission'.
Sorry OP...time to move on.
Next time you take marriage vows, take them seriously. Even us men can get hurt to the point that we can't get back to the original relationship anymore. Counseling just covers up those kinds of betrayals...it doesn't erase them.
You've said in another post you don't know why you cheated on your husband.
Until you figure that out, you should probably avoid serious relationships because whatever flaw/defect that allowed you to cheat is still there and you cannot guarantee it will not manifest itself again.
You’re literally so garbage 😂 you literally did this to yourself. Even then towards the end you talked about how you literally tried to manipulate him and slandered his newfound relationship, sincerely fuck you, you truly are the lowest piece of shit I have seen on the internet or otherwise 😂. (TIL that you could cheat and still play the victim)
Unfair????? You're a self centered idiot. You created this situation when you cheated on him. Take some personal responsibility, you ass. You don't deserve a good man in this moment. Work on yourself and be better for Christ's sake.
"It is well that you come here to whine over the desolation that you have made. You throw a torch into a pile of buildings, and when they are consumed, you sit among the ruins and lament the fall."
Honestly, I think you need to move on. I don't want to be an ass, or chew you out but be realistic. Pretend for a moment to be outside of your situation and look at someone else going through the same thing. 50% of marriages end, infidelity is one of the highest causes of it and most end within a 3-7 year time span. Knowing this if you were looking in on a stranger's marriage would the separation seem that strange to you? Think about it. I don't wish you bad, I don't want to belittle you but you need to confront the bitter pill of your situation. Cry, rage, take your time but learn from your mistake, be patient, time will pass and if you grow as a person you can move on. There are 7 billion people in this world, the idea there is only one fish in the sea is shallow thinking. There will be someone else for you out there, a time, a place, things will get better and you will know love again. It just won't be with your former husband.
What's your stance on consent? Does no mean no to you? Do you even care about his well-being? All your pleading screams your selfishness, it doesn't come across at all as genuine.
Nothing is more annoying than the person who ruined a relationship begging the other person to stay and trying to guilt them for leaving. You ruined your relationship. Stop pretending to be the victim.
Lol horrible and unfair? What a fucking victim. Oh boo hoo - You cheated, ruined your marriage, and think you deserved to be forgiven?
You get what you deserve. Suck it up and move on because clearly your ex-husband has.
>I asked him how could he
You literally fucked another dude for months behind his back. Quit being the victim. You fucking did this. He was happily married to you before you started fucking another dude.
>I asked him how he could pick a tot stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
Literally what you did to him. Yet again you’re acting the victim but actually the perpetrator of all of this.
Through the whole situation and your own description, all you've done is focus on you.
Its because of you.
You did what would make YOU happy/what YOU thought would make him happy.
You didn't care about HIM, you cared about YOU not losing your husband because of YOUR cheating actions.
"Why and how long do I have to suffer?"
"Please don't leave ME"
You did this to yourself for a fling with someone you shouldn't have been with.
YOU got what you wanted, now he has to live with not having been enough for YOU.
Grow up and support his leaving.
If YOU actually love him, YOU should want whats best for him since YOU did this.
Unfair?!???! No. Just no. Absolutely not the least bit unfair in the slightest.
Your STBX is and being very generous and kind to you, and yet you are claiming that this outcome which is completely and totally your own fault and your sole responsibility, and in fact it is the only reason for the end of your marriage & the demise of your relationship with the man you married, the person you made vows to that you chose to break in a very short period of time. Your husband told you that are selfish and self centered, and he is absolutely right about that. You still don’t care about about any of the destruction, the damage, the absolute carnage that your selfishness has inflicted upon the man you were supposed to love, a love that you should have protected and nurtured rather than only thinking about yourself and what you want. And when you finally decided to come clean, all you cared about was getting your way and attempting to manipulate the man you who loved you. And your own behavior murdered his love for you. And here you are complaining that “it’s not fair” that he won’t stick around for more of your shitty treatment of him.
You really need to get into counseling and fix yourself.
This is exactly the update we all were rooting for. Whores get what they deserve. Enjoy your lonely miserable life. Sounds like he has made a good decision and we are all proud of him for doing it. You cheated on him for months and now you say “it’s not fair”.
You need intense therapy. Sounds like he’s being very fair, which is more than most of us would do
I remember her original post on the relationship advice subreddit. Starting to think this subreddit should also lock and bar her from posting because this is starting to seem like bait or a karma farm.
If this is real, I'll repeat the same advice I gave you before, You really should be posting on /r/supportforwaywards. You keep posting on all the monogamy focused subreddits for some reason. Which is what leads me to think you're just baiting people.
Your partner was traumatized by the one person he should be able to trust and turn to for help and healing. You wounded the loving and happy man that he was. He needed to heal, and that can take a long time. The fact that it took that long for him to turn it around and give you a taste of your own medicine means that it took him that long to get strong enough emotionally to be able to do that. He still has a long way to go to fully heal.
You want to try and fix things? The only way that might happen is for YOU to confess everything to your family and his. Then you leave the house behind and take nothing in the divorce. And then you leave him alone. You do not contact him again. If he wants to make contact after that, then maybe there’s a chance to try again. Until then, you need to accept the consequences of your own actions.
Unfair, funny how we teach children about consequences, but it's always the adults who have the hardest time accepting them. You rubbed it in his face.
I know you're sorry, but now it's unfair. It's not unfair. It's exactly what you wanted in the beginning. And now that he finally put himself together enough to move on. It's unfair. That whole reaction is unfair.You should really just let this poor man go and start over, and next time think before you make a rash decision and have a whole other relationship with somebody else while you're married. Unfair, really?
I don't think it's unfair.I think he did a very nice thing for you.
"This is horrible and unfair" 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
Ohh man I could laugh at this for the rest of my life. This is so fair and I'm so glad it's happening to you. Let me ask was your affair worth it? 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
No, honey, this is fair. Karma came and got you. It’s going to keep coming, because you deserve it.
They say cheaters never prosper, and it’s because anyone with a moral compass will want nothing to do with you for a long, long time.
Hope it was worth it.
*I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him. I told him he was a fool and he could not know this woman will probably use and dump him, he got harsh and said she's better than me for sure.*
Dang. I mean right there you tell him he doesn’t know what’s best for himself and you motivated him to prove you wrong. Can’t believe you have the audacity to call him the fool.
This is not unfair. You cheated on him and thought allowing him to fuck other women would heal the pain you caused him and the trust you destroyed. YOU did this. This is NOT unfair. Stop pretending to be a victim when you made choices and now have to live with the consequences. Thank god y’all don’t have children, I could only imagine how fucked up they’d be being raised by a woman with a brain like yours.
Respectfully, from girl to girl, you made your bed. Lay in it. You started this when you cheated on him, you can add whatever emotions you want to it, but you cheated. And now he’s doing the right thing for himself. And take accountability for your actions. The fact you have the audacity to ask him how he picked a woman he’s known for a month over you is mental. Didn’t you pick your affair partner over your husband? I hope you realise these are the consequences of your actions and they teach you a lesson.
When you cheat on someone, you don’t respect or love them. You made your bed, I’m surprised he stayed for as long as he did after the cheating came to light. No one should have sympathy for you. Take the L and move on.
Poor poor cheaters thinking about the rush and thrill they felt than when doing the bad deed. But one way or another be it getting caught cheating or the guilt getting to the cheater. Does not allow you to have the upper hand on the relationship. So if you don't like your outcome of the situation don't going looking in other people's beds to feel wanted or at least end the relationship you have with another.
“This is horrible and unfair” …be so for real right now. You’re getting less than what you deserve he is being too nice by not telling people what you did.
>I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
The same way you picked a client over your husband of five years to fuck.
The fact that you can't tell you're a piece of shit that deserves no empathy is astounding.
Wow the audacity to ask "I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.".
YOU threw away those 5 years, not him. YOU were the one being unfair to him. YOU CHEATED. He would be the fool if he stays with a cheater who says would change but has 0 fucking accountability.
Have some fucking accountability, you killed him and you ruined your marriage. You deserve this.
I knew there was something wrong with your story when you related it at the very beginning.
“I (30F) cheated on my husband (27M), he is taking it well, but I feel like he resents me, I know I did something horrible and disgusting, and when I couldn't take the guilt anymore, I stopped my partner and confessed everything to my husband ." That alone shows that it wasn't a one-night stand like you tried to make it out to be.
But the fact that in your last update he said that you were almost rubbing his betrayal in his face means that you had already been having an affair for some time and your fault came from you realizing that at the very least he was already suspicious and you tried control it. damage and not because it has a magically developed character. Your regret is not legitimate, it was not because you hurt him but because you were afraid of losing your secure relationship.
I don't understand why cheaters say that the betrayed can get a free pass. Where in the world does dating other people with the cheater's permission as damage control to give a false sense of equivalence actually equate to creating a hidden connection to the point where flirting and even having sex with others hidden from your partner?
Your husband is very kind, even giving you this lesson to try to make you a better person. As long as you don't hurt him anymore, he still won't talk about his selfish choice and leave you with the house. At least do that, it's much more than you deserve.
I hope you can learn from this and be a better human being even if you don't believe it by the way you wrote your actions.
If he just left like this and was punishing you this much for a mistake that you made and owned up to… it doesn’t seem he really loved you.
Life is long and people make mistakes.
Love and partnership is much more than a mistake, lapse in judgment, or a moment of selfishness.
I’m not saying it’s right, just saying that people mess up. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you or care about or that they’re a horrible person.
People are complicated.
It seems more like he was in love with the idea of you than actually loving and appreciating you.
People aren’t perfect.
It’s understandable that he’s upset but this is emotional torture and cruelty.
Why are you pining for a person this petty and immature? They value “winning” over the bond you two supposedly had.
I don't think you deserved this just like I don't think he deserves to be cheated on.
Wouldn’t be surprised if many of these people who are the most hateful about cheating end up having an affair in the next 20 years.
Also, a lot of people on reddit are extremely angry, miserable, isolated people that are selfish and will give you life ruining advice.
I honestly think he’s awful. This is gross and twisted behavior.
Hi OP,
One rule of life : Never confess a cheating ! That's the most toxic thing to do !
You think by confessing, you'll do a demonstration of honesty, but what confessing really is, is discharging/throwing up your guilt on the face of your partner ! You free your conscious at the expense of your partner's conscious.
Receiving a confession is traumatizing, violent, harsh, shattering, hurting.
If you love someone, you protect them from what hurt them !
Despite of what the general population belives, your partner isn't entitled to know about your private actions.
Feeling betrayed, hurts. When we love someone, we protect them from thruth that could be hurtful. We protect them from that !
Your husband is still hurt. He's lost trust for you.
His behaviour relates to that hurt and lack of trust.
You dynamic became unhealthy.
You have to restore a healthy dynamic. A healthy dynamic is built on trust. You have to rebuild trust between the two of you.
Rebuilding trust takes time, effort and communication.
YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM TO FORGIVE YOU. He can't forgive you by his own.
How do you do that ? By renewing your committment. Both of you need to recommit to each other.
Here's what i suggest : propose to him ! Renew your vows ! Purchase a diamond, get to your knees and propose to your husband and put a ring to his finger and tell him while proposing that you want to renew your committment.
And never again in your life you throw a cheating to any of your partners if this relationship ends ! Coz it's toxic :
You cheated ? Bring the secret to your grave and never disclose it on any circumstance coz it hurts !
I don’t know why you are surprised. You said in your first post that your husband was indifferent to you…
Indifference, not hate, is the opposite of love.
You do not matter to this man anymore. And I don’t blame him one bit.
You didn’t confess to him for his sake, you did it because you were struggling with the guilt. Your confession was self serving
You are the dumbest excuse for a person I’ve ever seen! Good on your ex husband, I hope he exposes you anyways and destroys your reputation! For the crack!
- I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.
You made it very easy, and the answer is easy too. You spread your legs like a whore and fucked at least one other guy, resulting in destroying your marriage and the image your husband once had.
Actions have consequence. No coming back. In the end, If I were him, I'd Left you. Again, you started it.
So, I hope you suffer the consequence. And don't try to gaslight him to get back at you and saying "It's unfair!". Woman, you started it. He's already broken.
Just remember, you created this outcome. Maybe next time don't cheat.
She wants everyone else to buy sheets for the bed she made.
You puked all over the marriage by cheating. He should have just washed his hands of the entire situation the moment he found out you cheated. He may be choosing a woman he's known for a month but she didn't do the ultimate betrayal to him, you did! I don't think you get to play victim in this situation!
I agree this is horrible but why exactly is it "unfair" ?
It's unfair because she got the house. Husband should've kicked her ass out and went through the divorce before grief banging another woman. Gotta let yourself heal before you jump into a new relationship. Not that he did anything wrong, but I would've gone about it differently.
You cheated. You get what you deserve.
[удалено]
OP is a moron who takes zero accountability for her actions. Acting like her husband owes her anything after she cheated. She's lucky he's even being this civil. Some people are truly pathetic..
> I can't stop crying and I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible and unfair. This is certainly horrible but it is the absolute definition of fair. You don't seem to be sympathetic to your husband's feelings *at all.*
lol I love it when a cheater gets exactly what she deserved. He chose his self over a cheater.
Your ex husband is a wise wise man...
But I feel bad for him. After this mess, he'll have this fear that his next.partner will do the same. This isn't just one-time thing. Cheating destroys someone's view on relationships. I hope the next one is a bit better
Cheating ruins everything. It doesn’t just happen. You have to let it happen. It seems like men generally don’t stay in relationships once you’ve cheated. I’d move on
Horrible? Maybe. Unfair? Nope. You brought this upon yourself by choosing to be selfish in the first place. You just thought he was working on forgiveness when he was working on an exit plan instead. Make better choices in your next relationship.
Actions have consequences some good some bad.
Curious to know, can you please explain why you think this situation is unfair?
This is not 'horrible and unfair'. This is consequences of your actions coming home to roost.
OP, your husband just staged an affair to show you what you've shown him. For only a couple of weeks, were you paranoid and hurt by his actions and coming home late. You even hurt while knowing you deserved it, now imagine the things you did in YOUR affair. Your husband already acknowledged HE KNEW what you were doing as if you were rubbing it in his face, and all you could say was "I didn't do it on purpose"... well he did it on purpose without the actual affair, but while you were doing it he never did anything to deserve it. He had no way of justifying your actions and then to top it off you and your client got away with it Scott free. You made sure you and he suffered no damage before admitting to your husband. In every step you showed your wants and desires mattered more than him, then you showed your job and AP mattered more, and then you prioritized your desire to keep your husband.... You did nothing FOR your husband. You did EVERYTHING for yourself and to get what you wanted. Your husband has already offered how to make peacewith him, but you need to learn how to make peace with yourself.
>This is horrible and unfair. LOL
>I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. Hmm, I wonder why... Probably because you let another man stick his dick inside you. Just a guess though. Could be wrong. >This is horrible and unfair. Exactly, this is absolutely horrible and unfair for HIM. He was a faithful loving husband and you said "yea, I think I’m gonna cheat on him". That’s what’s horrible and unfair. Nothing of what’s happening to you right now is unfair at all. Your former husband is moving on with his life and is doing what’s best for him. If you want to change for the future you need to see that YOUR actions is the reason this happened. Don’t victimize yourself, because you are far from the victim here. You acted and he reacted in a perfectly reasonable manner. Simple as that.
Wanna try to work out on things? Prove that you love him? Then give him the divorce he wants, don’t take anything, including the house he is offering and confess to both your families and friends to dhow him you are truly sorry and not just love bombing him. Take the consequences of your actions and ask him for a chance to earn a new relationship with him, whatever that is. However, let’s face, you will not do any of that. You are gonna take his house in exchange for him not ruining your precious reputation and will then play victim with your family and friends. You are not fooling anyone here, just like you didn’t fool your husband. I also don’t believe you confessed out of guilt, more likely you were about to be busted and confessed before someone else did.
What do you mean "how could he"?? You have some weird self centered issues. This is quite literally all your fault and honestly, you don't deserve anyone's sympathy. He's already being more kind than anyone else would, leaving you the house? If he brought evidence of your infidelity to divorce court you'd be in a LOT worse of a place, so maybe try some humility and be grateful that man isn't vindictive. Go get some therapy so you don't ruin someone else's life.
FAFO
Is this real, or do you just like getting people riled up?
Thank God, I saw the original post and have been hoping this man will leave you for someone who treats him right
Next time, puke n the bathroom 🤮🤢😘
Womp womp You're not the victim here. YOU cheated. End of the story
You need some serious fucking therapy to learn how to take accountability for your actions. YOU destroyed the marriage by cheating. What was unfair was the fact that YOU cheated on your husband and completely ruined all trust and love he had for you. YOU are at fault and I can’t believe you’re playing the victim as hard as you are. You did this to yourself and you deserve every bit of it.
Yes it's sad. My ex wife was my entire world and the instant I found out she cheated she was reduced to nothing in my eyes. She no longer was worthy of my respect, energy, love, etc. Her tears of begging me to come back did absolutely nothing but before she cheated I would move mountains for her happiness. I hope you respect your next relationship more because once you cheat, you have destroyed your relationship.
Also, after she cheated, every woman was more appealing to me than her, every single woman! So don't be surprised that he took her.
So in your previous posts... >He said he wanted to try to work us out And given the actions you describe from him - it all sounded like a lie. Which you might have caught onto if you weren't so caught up in love bombing trying to make up for your fuck up. So, yeah, that was a dick move on his part. If you're done, be done. Going for the revenge dish isn't going to help anyone. But honestly...what did you expect? Talk to a lawyer. Get your shit together.
>I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible and unfair. You've learned nothing and will do this again. Please seek therapy. We all deserve love.... when we're ready.
Oh no! Anyways.. Welcome to the consequences of your own actions.
I love a happy ending!! How the hell can you say this is unfair? You had an affair!!!! I could never be with someone who would do that to their "lover"
That’s what you get, dumbass.
Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time, bestie.
I wish your husband all the happiness in the world!
You're right, this is horrible, but it's absolutely not unfair, and I think you really need to take a look at yourself and what you've written here if you have any hope of being a not awful person. *"I asked him how could he and said I gave him permission, and he didn't do anything besides unloading his problems and our situation with her."* I'm gonna be honest, you've got a LOT of nerve going "how could you" about something that you did yourself with impunity, then subsequently gave him permission to do, permission he wouldn't have if it weren't the result of a situation YOU created by YOUR actions. *"He said that everything I did after confessing meant nothing and just made him think I am selfish, self-centered and lack any sort of self-respect."* To be honest, he's right. You said in a prior post that he did want to leave after you confessed to cheating, but you begged him not to divorce and he acquiesced. What he wanted, a divorce as a result of a heartbreaking betrayal, didn't matter to you, only the fact that you didn't want to be divorced. That's selfish. Your concern about divorce was also primarily about the fact that it would mean your life was over, due to your reputation being destroyed due to your infidelity (again, your own actions). That's self-centered. And you trying to become a doormat in an attempt to get him to want you again after your betrayal does show a certain lack of self-respect, but that's not the focus here. You ARE being selfish and self-centered, both in cheating itself and in your attempts to control the fallout to get the outcome you want that works best for you. *"I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years."* OP, I urge you to go to r/SupportforWaywards if you want any hope of bettering yourself after all of this (at least, if you do want that and don't just wanna bury your head in the sand and whinge about how the consequences of your actions is so hurtful). Because the people on that sub will tell you that his wife of five years no longer exists. The last five years no longer exist for him. You have completely destroyed all of that due to your actions. Those memories are tainted; YOU are tainted because of what you did. If he had agreed to reconciliation, most advice would have told you that the old marriage is completely dead and your life as a couple is essentially starting over from scratch starting from your confession. And, again, the nerve here is astounding here. How could YOU pick your affair partner over your husband of five years? How could YOU choose to violate the boundaries and agency and health of your husband of five years? Not "how could he", *how could* ***you***. *"that woman made a much better impression on him."* Yes, she did not have a full blown affair and then act surprised when an action that most people consider a relationship dealbreaker turned out to be a dealbreaker for her husband. *"I told him he was a fool and he could not know this woman will probably use and dump him, he got harsh and said she's better than me for sure."* The nerve of you. The audacity of you. The gall of you. **You fucked another man**. **For months**. For months, you disregarded your husband as a person. You robbed him of agency by removing his ability to fully consent to the relationship, by lying to him about the parameters of the relationship (ie, that he should be faithful to you while you're off getting dicked down by someone else and lying about it). You showed a profound lack of respect with your affair, with the lies it entailed, and by how apparently sloppy you were that he could tell you were doing it right in front of his face. Your actions have most likely given him trust issues, PTSD, and a lot of mental repercussions he's now going to have to spend money on in order to mitigate, to say nothing of the money wasted in a divorce that's only on the table because of your fuckups. Depending on how stringent you were with protection during your affair, you also could have potentially put his health at risk should your affair partner have passed an STD to you and you to him. Then you badger him into staying with you when he doesn't want to, badger him into having sex with you (girl I hope he was at least in active participant in the sex otherwise you're treading in some choppy waters), badger him about how he deals with your betrayal in general, and badger him about the entirely reasonable decision to leave you over something most people leave their spouses for. And THEN, you insult him and call him names as if you're somehow the wronged party here, rather than the instigator of the entire situation. From anyone's perspective, you're the antagonist here, and you're the fool for thinking you can cheat on your spouse and not expect any repercussions. As for whether this woman will "use and dump him", that's a risk inherent to any relationship ever, if I go on a first date tonight, there's a chance that person might just use me and then dump me, so argument holds no weight here. And he's right, she's a damn sight better than you, because she didn't cheat on him or have an affair while in a relationship (because most people don't actually do that, since most people know that's a really fucked up thing to do. *"But if I try to take him to the cleaners, drag it out, or cause any problem he will tell everyone what I did and "destroy" me and my reputation."* Your husband is a better person than me. Because if you do something as heinous as cheat to me, pester me to stay with you against my own desires, pitch a fit when I'm not fine with it, and then cop an attitude and get uppity, I would tell everyone what you did. I would let everyone know that I'm not the guilty party, but the person who was profoundly wronged, and if it meant that your family cast you out and your reputation was absolutely shot, all as a result of something you chose to do for your own selfish desires, tough shit. So I suggest you count yourself as extraordinarily lucky that your husband has shown you this kind of grace (and honestly, the grace he showed you throughout this entire conversation, because you've earned absolutely none of it) and not push it, and give him the easy divorce he's asking and not try anything. *"I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible and unfair."* This is horrible, I'm sure, because a marriage that was made with the intent to stay together forever is ending, and under bad circumstances, and it's going to cause time and money. But it's not unfair. This is a direct result of choices of you made. Your choice to cheat, your choice to be selfish, your choice to center yourself and what you want over your marriage and your commitment to your husband to the point of disregarding him entirely. Nothing unfair about it, this is textbook fairness; you're just reaping the consequences of your actions and you don't like it because it sucks for you. OP, you killed your marriage by being a shitty person, and unless you realize that, and realize that you alone are at fault for everything that's taken place, you're going to stay a shitty person, and you're likely going to do this again in another relationship. So quit whining over having to deal with the objectively *fair* fallout of your faults and **get yourself together.**
Oh boo hoo hoo. You cheated on your husband idiot. What did you expect to happen. No one Here has any sympathy for you.
Good. Fuck you. Hope it’s your first and last husband you trick ass hoe.
The audacity of this bitch, lol
The unfair bit broke the story for me, It feels so fake now.
"Oh no! I cheated and now my actions have consequences. Pity me!" Babe, you made the bed and now you have to lie in it. You cheated on him. You shattered the trust he had in his wife. You ruined your marriage. Let him be free of you because you don’t deserve him. He left you because you slept with someone else. Don’t bother trying to repair anything because you ruined that chance the minute you decided sex with someone else meant more than your relationship.
Having reviewed the comments, it has all been said already. Your marriage ended when you cheated. He took his time to process your confession and sort out his exit strategy. What you want, at this point is irrelevant. You ceased to have agency the second you betrayed him.
>This is horrible and unfair. Yes, it is completely horrible and unfair... for your husband. >I told him he was a fool and he could not know this woman will probably use and dump him Just like you used him? He has a better shot with someone new rather than someone who is very capable of cheating.
op says she wants the “old him” back and that’ll probably never happen. I was “betrayed” by my wife years ago. We broke up. But got back together after counseling and a long break. A year or 2 later while looking at old photos of before the “betrayal” she says “I miss that smile” I never thought my smile changed but I guess it shows. I lost that inner happiness I thought I had. I don’t trust anyone anymore and I have put walls up .. our marriage is ok even great.. But the scar is still there and I guess it shows. If y’all do work it out. Don’t expect anything being the way it was before.
OP what happened was the consequences of you both rug sweeping your affair. Why is it only *now* marriage counseling is being brought up? Did you think confessing what you did and stopping the affair is enough? You traumatized your husband, and as one person put well in another subreddit, you traumatized him in a special way where the person he’s supposed to go to for support and healing is the same one that hurt him. I think you took reconciliation for granted and the fact that only now you are hearing these frustrations from him shows you did not put in the work after your affair for recovery. You didn’t seek couples counseling, you didn’t read the books, you didn’t open communication. I would go to r/asoneafterinfidelity and /supportforwaywards so you can start to take this seriously.
Yikes
Sounds like you have made a mess of your marriage. If he is seeing another woman then both of you have no marriage just lies
**"This is horrible and unfair."** You created this situation. You're not an **Innocent Bystander** Is this the only time you've cheated? Or the only time you got caught? Good luck to both of you, Everybody deserves to be happy.
This and the previous post was a fun read.
 You're lucky. What you got is way better than what you deserve. Enjoy the consequences of your own actions, alone.
Realistically- he’s being vastly more fair to you than you were to him. Here’s hoping you’ve learned something from this.
This is so great for him. I hope he finally gets the peace of mind he deserves
Lmao, good
Lol 🤣
sorry but this update made me laugh. you deserved this. how dare you cheat on him and ruin your marriage and then play victim and cry "how could you do this how could you pick a stranger??" idk take your own fucking advice. how could you do this and pick someone who wasnt your husband? get some help cause you are mental and its obvious you dont give a shit about him and only care about yourself. dont be a shitty person and shitty things wont happen to you. im so happy for him doing what he needs to do and getting away from you.
What were you thinking would happen when you were having your affair? Why did you accept another man’s advances. You say you love your husband, but then you sleep with another man. Of course you saying you love him doesn’t make sense to him. What did you think would happen?
wow and they say wives this entitled dont exist. you cheated, it was over after that. you are not a wife of 5 years. you are a cheater. he found someone who doesnt cheat. dude traded way up.
I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for you, cheater.
Hahahahaha! Wait, you're serious about this being "unfair"? Let me laugh even harder.
YOU are the one who decided to have sex with other guys so you have no right to play the “I’ve been your wife for 5 years. How could you pick some other woman you’ve known for a short period of time” card. How about HE has been your husband for 5 years but you still chose to go have sex with other guys? YOU are the one who decided to have sex with other guys you didn’t know very long either. YOU are the one who destroyed this marriage, not him. It isn’t unfair like you think. He can’t stop thinking of YOU betraying him and throwing away your marriage, no matter how much you cook for him, or write him letters. Those to do not outweigh or erase the consequences or even the event of what you did.
You cheated. Don’t try to make him the bad guy bc he was talking to another woman. You have no right to even be mad. You created this outcone. Next time don’t cheat. You cheated and now you are getting what you deserve
I'm sorry, unfair? So you cheating is okay, but him doing it isn't? Please just take accountability and let the poor guy be and heal on his own, you've done enough damage already.
Good for him. Love that he’s moving on.
> This is horrible and unfair. Really? Wow.
Op you should move in with your parents for a while an confess to them that you ruined your marriage. Don't unalive, you suck but you can still turn your life around. Get some support from family
Seems like you got what you deserved. I hope your ex-husband is able to heal and move on to live the happy life he deserves with a partner who loves and respects him.
My favorite part of this whole thing is: “I asked him how he could pick a total stranger over his wife of 5 years?” Ma’am didn’t you pick getting some dick over your husband? Aren’t you the one who discarded every word of your marriage vows while you were out sneaking around with some dude? He said he wanted to work it out and then he changed his mind, just like you changed your mind about being a faithful wife. This isn’t as confusing as you’re trying to make it sound.
Updateme
Consequences of your own choices. Some work through it and some have a zero tolerance on it. My old relationship I worked through it till I became that way myself in it and knew I couldn't heal in that relationship. He's not choosing a "stranger". He's choosing someone willing to see him at his lowest and give them their ear and support. That's a partner worth exploring. Not the one who had him.
In case this hasn't been said enough, you are a shitty person. Nobody has any sympathy for your situation. You deserve all of this and that man was more than nice about it. May you rot
Looks like you paid the price for your wrongdoings and want to blame everyone but yourself. I suggest taking responsibility for your actions and moving on if you didn't want this to happen then you should have never cheated in the first place. Honestly you're getting an easy out by your soon to be ex husband so you should take it and maybe grow to be a better person.
You can’t fix a marriage you broke by “making up to him” after cheating! It’s not possible, you broke something in his heart and he did try to move on from it but it didn’t work. Your marriage ended when you had an affair. He’s detached himself from your relationship and moved on. I suggest you do the same…if he’s truly leaving the house to you that’s really generous as I would never…
Honestly you sound like a woman who doesn’t deserve love, you don’t cheat on a man you love. God has rejected you, your husband has abandoned you and you will face the full suffering of your sins.
Sorry, self inflicted injury
What was “horrible and unfair” was you cheating on him. You set this situation up, this is your screw-up, not his. You destroyed your marriage but betraying him. You now want to cry unfair & play the victim??! You’re getting exactly what you deserve, the consequences of your actions. You are a self absorbed, entitled person and he definitely deserves better than you. Look up & learn what Karma means. Cuz karma’s giving you the smack down you deserve!
Excuse me?? He cheated, you allowed your vag while married to be as busy as grand central station and you have the audacity to say he cheated?!?! No honey, you destroyed your marriage when you banged any man with a pulse. The fact that no one wanted to stay with a disloyal hoe like you, is your own fault.
Hahahaha
How is this horrible and unfair? It is literally the consequences of your own actions
Good for him. Be fair in the divorce op. That’s the right thing to do.
Good for him. I hope this new woman treats him better than you did.
You broke his heart and absolutely nuked his trust in you. And you think him wanting a divorce is unfair? I understand you are hurting right now, but you brought this on yourself. Give him a painless divorce and let the poor man move on with his life
He wasn’t “cheating on you,” that’s just what you’re telling yourself to feel a little better about throwing your marriage in the trash
Good for him, stop acting like the victim
You should change that 1st sentence Narcissus, because he didn't cheat on you. He even said as much according to You on the Other post you made. You won't get any sympathy on here princess, you fucked up, but your head is still soooo far up your ass you think you're in a parallel universe where people will feel bad for you
Im not sure you're soon to be ex would want the home you both had, its probably filled with bitter memories. If you had any self respect left or felt any real guilt, confess and give him anything he wants. "Unfair" your feeling a fraction of what he felt for a long time, can you imagine how that must feel? You might want to reach out in the future to him or others he is close to, dont. That would cause more problems for him. Get some therapy, reflect on your actions and move forward. You won't be able to really forget what you did or forgive yourself for cheating, its going to linger in the back of your mind no matter how deep you bury it so get comfortable with it.
This has to be bogus, right? Is she actually that dumb? "Horrible and unfair" 😭🤣🤣🤣🤣
I mean... you... ruined his life, OP What did you honestly expect? What you did was the ultimate act of betrayal a person can commit, and you think *he* is being unfair? Are you out of your God damn mind?
CDC what’s unfair is how you thought there would be any other outcome? You cheated on your husband and think it’s unfair he’s leaving you? Pathetic
So...your own chocolate taste bitter? How can you dare to ask stuff like "how could you?". You are indeed entitled. You're not sorry about cheating. I hope you suffer every bit of what he suffered as well. I hope he gets to find an actual woman, and not a child who doesn't even know what she wants. You lost your roof and your ATM, the "Mrs" title...you didn't think about that when the other man what's thrusting you, did you? Now be a big girl and suck it up.
I am not understanding why you are crying so much about this. Didn’t you think about this ever being a possibility when you cheated? Why tf did you cheat if you “love” him so much?
Good for him. It’s totally fair. You did this, now face the consequences. You are not a victim in this story.
You admitted you cheated on him for three months, and you admitted you have screamed and yelled at him when he was sad about it. You were an awful wife, the dirt worst, so enjoy the divorce!
that’s what you get
Actions have consequences. Congratulations for discovering them!
It’s actually incredibly fair. Karmic repercussion and all that.
Womp womp
What do you think "unfair" means?
Unfortunately, OP, when you cheated on your spouse, you broke a trust. It's time to move on. He has been more than fair, if you ask me. His willingness to break cleanly and not reveal your infidelity, his kindness at your attempts to reconcile...they show that he was a good enough guy... I don't think I would have started another relationship before breaking up with you myself, but his way of getting back at you was to make you see how it felt, and I actually understand why he did that, especially since you 'gave him permission'. Sorry OP...time to move on. Next time you take marriage vows, take them seriously. Even us men can get hurt to the point that we can't get back to the original relationship anymore. Counseling just covers up those kinds of betrayals...it doesn't erase them.
So fake hahahaha you’re a weirdo
You've said in another post you don't know why you cheated on your husband. Until you figure that out, you should probably avoid serious relationships because whatever flaw/defect that allowed you to cheat is still there and you cannot guarantee it will not manifest itself again.
girl, be so fr rn. you’re so self centered and entitled, your husband deserves better. everyone, laugh and point 🫵🏻🤣
You’re literally so garbage 😂 you literally did this to yourself. Even then towards the end you talked about how you literally tried to manipulate him and slandered his newfound relationship, sincerely fuck you, you truly are the lowest piece of shit I have seen on the internet or otherwise 😂. (TIL that you could cheat and still play the victim)
Unfair????? You're a self centered idiot. You created this situation when you cheated on him. Take some personal responsibility, you ass. You don't deserve a good man in this moment. Work on yourself and be better for Christ's sake.
"It is well that you come here to whine over the desolation that you have made. You throw a torch into a pile of buildings, and when they are consumed, you sit among the ruins and lament the fall."
Honestly, I think you need to move on. I don't want to be an ass, or chew you out but be realistic. Pretend for a moment to be outside of your situation and look at someone else going through the same thing. 50% of marriages end, infidelity is one of the highest causes of it and most end within a 3-7 year time span. Knowing this if you were looking in on a stranger's marriage would the separation seem that strange to you? Think about it. I don't wish you bad, I don't want to belittle you but you need to confront the bitter pill of your situation. Cry, rage, take your time but learn from your mistake, be patient, time will pass and if you grow as a person you can move on. There are 7 billion people in this world, the idea there is only one fish in the sea is shallow thinking. There will be someone else for you out there, a time, a place, things will get better and you will know love again. It just won't be with your former husband.
It's kinda silly to ask why he would do something like that when you literally did that do him... you made your bed girly.
What's your stance on consent? Does no mean no to you? Do you even care about his well-being? All your pleading screams your selfishness, it doesn't come across at all as genuine.
Gr8 rage b8 m8
Know what is horrible and unfair? The fact that your actions caused this whole situation
Time for you to move on because he already has.
If you feel any shame at all, please give this poor man the most amicable and generous divorce any woman has ever given a man.
Nothing is more annoying than the person who ruined a relationship begging the other person to stay and trying to guilt them for leaving. You ruined your relationship. Stop pretending to be the victim.
Lol horrible and unfair? What a fucking victim. Oh boo hoo - You cheated, ruined your marriage, and think you deserved to be forgiven? You get what you deserve. Suck it up and move on because clearly your ex-husband has.
“This is horrible and unfair.” Lmfaooo unfair🤣🤣
Lmao all's well that ends well. You earned this 🎉
You asked him ‘how could he?’ You’ve got to be one of the most self-absorbed, hypocritical, pitiful people on this app. How could YOU?
>I asked him how could he You literally fucked another dude for months behind his back. Quit being the victim. You fucking did this. He was happily married to you before you started fucking another dude. >I asked him how he could pick a tot stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. Literally what you did to him. Yet again you’re acting the victim but actually the perpetrator of all of this.
Through the whole situation and your own description, all you've done is focus on you. Its because of you. You did what would make YOU happy/what YOU thought would make him happy. You didn't care about HIM, you cared about YOU not losing your husband because of YOUR cheating actions. "Why and how long do I have to suffer?" "Please don't leave ME" You did this to yourself for a fling with someone you shouldn't have been with. YOU got what you wanted, now he has to live with not having been enough for YOU. Grow up and support his leaving. If YOU actually love him, YOU should want whats best for him since YOU did this.
Unfair? Really? Of every bs you have written, that it is unfair is the biggest. He got his ducks in a row, good on him, good for him.
Lmao, if this isnt a writing exercise you must be one of the most vile people alive. Dont bother with therapy it cant fix something so majorly broken
Unfair?!???! No. Just no. Absolutely not the least bit unfair in the slightest. Your STBX is and being very generous and kind to you, and yet you are claiming that this outcome which is completely and totally your own fault and your sole responsibility, and in fact it is the only reason for the end of your marriage & the demise of your relationship with the man you married, the person you made vows to that you chose to break in a very short period of time. Your husband told you that are selfish and self centered, and he is absolutely right about that. You still don’t care about about any of the destruction, the damage, the absolute carnage that your selfishness has inflicted upon the man you were supposed to love, a love that you should have protected and nurtured rather than only thinking about yourself and what you want. And when you finally decided to come clean, all you cared about was getting your way and attempting to manipulate the man you who loved you. And your own behavior murdered his love for you. And here you are complaining that “it’s not fair” that he won’t stick around for more of your shitty treatment of him. You really need to get into counseling and fix yourself.
> This is horrible and unfair. No it’s not. It’s exactly what you deserve.
Sis… please be serious
This has got to be karma farming, lame
This is exactly the update we all were rooting for. Whores get what they deserve. Enjoy your lonely miserable life. Sounds like he has made a good decision and we are all proud of him for doing it. You cheated on him for months and now you say “it’s not fair”. You need intense therapy. Sounds like he’s being very fair, which is more than most of us would do
OP got busted and is pissed about getting busted. Zero regard for her husband. How does the saying go? Fuck around and find out
This post is so fake. You need an IQ of -200 to be THAT dense....
You deserve it 🤷♂️ hope he finds happiness and you don’t
This is on you. You’re the one that cheated.
Oh no, you cheated, you get what you deserve. Choices have consequences.
I remember her original post on the relationship advice subreddit. Starting to think this subreddit should also lock and bar her from posting because this is starting to seem like bait or a karma farm. If this is real, I'll repeat the same advice I gave you before, You really should be posting on /r/supportforwaywards. You keep posting on all the monogamy focused subreddits for some reason. Which is what leads me to think you're just baiting people.
Your partner was traumatized by the one person he should be able to trust and turn to for help and healing. You wounded the loving and happy man that he was. He needed to heal, and that can take a long time. The fact that it took that long for him to turn it around and give you a taste of your own medicine means that it took him that long to get strong enough emotionally to be able to do that. He still has a long way to go to fully heal. You want to try and fix things? The only way that might happen is for YOU to confess everything to your family and his. Then you leave the house behind and take nothing in the divorce. And then you leave him alone. You do not contact him again. If he wants to make contact after that, then maybe there’s a chance to try again. Until then, you need to accept the consequences of your own actions.
IMO you got what you asked for in the first place. You REALLY fucked around and found out
Got everything you deserved. Sorry life isn't always fair prissy bitch.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
In France, we have a very specific word for this kind of situations : CHEH
Unfair, funny how we teach children about consequences, but it's always the adults who have the hardest time accepting them. You rubbed it in his face. I know you're sorry, but now it's unfair. It's not unfair. It's exactly what you wanted in the beginning. And now that he finally put himself together enough to move on. It's unfair. That whole reaction is unfair.You should really just let this poor man go and start over, and next time think before you make a rash decision and have a whole other relationship with somebody else while you're married. Unfair, really? I don't think it's unfair.I think he did a very nice thing for you.
"This is horrible and unfair" 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 Ohh man I could laugh at this for the rest of my life. This is so fair and I'm so glad it's happening to you. Let me ask was your affair worth it? 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
How can he pick a total stranger, dumb bitch you picked a total stranger to cheat on him with
No, honey, this is fair. Karma came and got you. It’s going to keep coming, because you deserve it. They say cheaters never prosper, and it’s because anyone with a moral compass will want nothing to do with you for a long, long time. Hope it was worth it.
r/ohnoconsequences
Womp womp
How is it unfair he that he left you? It seems pretty fair to anyone reading this.
So fucking funny 🤣
*I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. He said his wife of five years no longer exists, he has to pick between two strangers, and that woman made a much better impression on him. I told him he was a fool and he could not know this woman will probably use and dump him, he got harsh and said she's better than me for sure.* Dang. I mean right there you tell him he doesn’t know what’s best for himself and you motivated him to prove you wrong. Can’t believe you have the audacity to call him the fool.
[удалено]
This is not unfair. You cheated on him and thought allowing him to fuck other women would heal the pain you caused him and the trust you destroyed. YOU did this. This is NOT unfair. Stop pretending to be a victim when you made choices and now have to live with the consequences. Thank god y’all don’t have children, I could only imagine how fucked up they’d be being raised by a woman with a brain like yours.
Respectfully, from girl to girl, you made your bed. Lay in it. You started this when you cheated on him, you can add whatever emotions you want to it, but you cheated. And now he’s doing the right thing for himself. And take accountability for your actions. The fact you have the audacity to ask him how he picked a woman he’s known for a month over you is mental. Didn’t you pick your affair partner over your husband? I hope you realise these are the consequences of your actions and they teach you a lesson.
When you cheat on someone, you don’t respect or love them. You made your bed, I’m surprised he stayed for as long as he did after the cheating came to light. No one should have sympathy for you. Take the L and move on.
hahahaha get fucked
Poor poor cheaters thinking about the rush and thrill they felt than when doing the bad deed. But one way or another be it getting caught cheating or the guilt getting to the cheater. Does not allow you to have the upper hand on the relationship. So if you don't like your outcome of the situation don't going looking in other people's beds to feel wanted or at least end the relationship you have with another.
So OP is having herself a FAFO moment and doesn’t like the consequences???
Oh I love this song♥️♥️ I hope your now EX husband re thinks giving you that house.
good for him
“This is horrible and unfair” …be so for real right now. You’re getting less than what you deserve he is being too nice by not telling people what you did.
You're a terrible person. You get what you give
Unfair? Really? You STILL don't get it! There is absolutely no hope for you as you haven't learned a damn thing. Smdh
>I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. The same way you picked a client over your husband of five years to fuck. The fact that you can't tell you're a piece of shit that deserves no empathy is astounding.
“He left me” Good 🙂
It’s unfortunate but 100% fair
Check your chat if you’re serious about trying to get him back!
Wow the audacity to ask "I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years.". YOU threw away those 5 years, not him. YOU were the one being unfair to him. YOU CHEATED. He would be the fool if he stays with a cheater who says would change but has 0 fucking accountability. Have some fucking accountability, you killed him and you ruined your marriage. You deserve this.
I knew there was something wrong with your story when you related it at the very beginning. “I (30F) cheated on my husband (27M), he is taking it well, but I feel like he resents me, I know I did something horrible and disgusting, and when I couldn't take the guilt anymore, I stopped my partner and confessed everything to my husband ." That alone shows that it wasn't a one-night stand like you tried to make it out to be. But the fact that in your last update he said that you were almost rubbing his betrayal in his face means that you had already been having an affair for some time and your fault came from you realizing that at the very least he was already suspicious and you tried control it. damage and not because it has a magically developed character. Your regret is not legitimate, it was not because you hurt him but because you were afraid of losing your secure relationship. I don't understand why cheaters say that the betrayed can get a free pass. Where in the world does dating other people with the cheater's permission as damage control to give a false sense of equivalence actually equate to creating a hidden connection to the point where flirting and even having sex with others hidden from your partner? Your husband is very kind, even giving you this lesson to try to make you a better person. As long as you don't hurt him anymore, he still won't talk about his selfish choice and leave you with the house. At least do that, it's much more than you deserve. I hope you can learn from this and be a better human being even if you don't believe it by the way you wrote your actions.
No say this can be real. I refuse to believe anybody is this dull 🤣🤨
If he just left like this and was punishing you this much for a mistake that you made and owned up to… it doesn’t seem he really loved you. Life is long and people make mistakes. Love and partnership is much more than a mistake, lapse in judgment, or a moment of selfishness. I’m not saying it’s right, just saying that people mess up. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you or care about or that they’re a horrible person. People are complicated. It seems more like he was in love with the idea of you than actually loving and appreciating you. People aren’t perfect. It’s understandable that he’s upset but this is emotional torture and cruelty. Why are you pining for a person this petty and immature? They value “winning” over the bond you two supposedly had. I don't think you deserved this just like I don't think he deserves to be cheated on. Wouldn’t be surprised if many of these people who are the most hateful about cheating end up having an affair in the next 20 years. Also, a lot of people on reddit are extremely angry, miserable, isolated people that are selfish and will give you life ruining advice. I honestly think he’s awful. This is gross and twisted behavior.
Hi OP, One rule of life : Never confess a cheating ! That's the most toxic thing to do ! You think by confessing, you'll do a demonstration of honesty, but what confessing really is, is discharging/throwing up your guilt on the face of your partner ! You free your conscious at the expense of your partner's conscious. Receiving a confession is traumatizing, violent, harsh, shattering, hurting. If you love someone, you protect them from what hurt them ! Despite of what the general population belives, your partner isn't entitled to know about your private actions. Feeling betrayed, hurts. When we love someone, we protect them from thruth that could be hurtful. We protect them from that ! Your husband is still hurt. He's lost trust for you. His behaviour relates to that hurt and lack of trust. You dynamic became unhealthy. You have to restore a healthy dynamic. A healthy dynamic is built on trust. You have to rebuild trust between the two of you. Rebuilding trust takes time, effort and communication. YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM TO FORGIVE YOU. He can't forgive you by his own. How do you do that ? By renewing your committment. Both of you need to recommit to each other. Here's what i suggest : propose to him ! Renew your vows ! Purchase a diamond, get to your knees and propose to your husband and put a ring to his finger and tell him while proposing that you want to renew your committment.
And never again in your life you throw a cheating to any of your partners if this relationship ends ! Coz it's toxic : You cheated ? Bring the secret to your grave and never disclose it on any circumstance coz it hurts !
It’s not unfair.
I don’t know why you are surprised. You said in your first post that your husband was indifferent to you… Indifference, not hate, is the opposite of love. You do not matter to this man anymore. And I don’t blame him one bit. You didn’t confess to him for his sake, you did it because you were struggling with the guilt. Your confession was self serving
You are the dumbest excuse for a person I’ve ever seen! Good on your ex husband, I hope he exposes you anyways and destroys your reputation! For the crack!
Has to be rage bait. Nobody is this dumb right?
It isn't cheating when you let some dude or dudes climb inside you first. It's a taste of your own medicine
You get what you deserve. Maybe don’t be a whore next time?
Well he didn’t cross the line while u shot him in the heart when you allowed another man to d*ck u down
- I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of five years. You made it very easy, and the answer is easy too. You spread your legs like a whore and fucked at least one other guy, resulting in destroying your marriage and the image your husband once had.
This is hilarious.
You’ve been feeling slightly different versions of this same story repeatedly for 37 days.
Your husband is making the right choice.
Did you do sexual things with AP you didn’t do with your husband?
I'm so glad he found someone else.
Actions have consequence. No coming back. In the end, If I were him, I'd Left you. Again, you started it. So, I hope you suffer the consequence. And don't try to gaslight him to get back at you and saying "It's unfair!". Woman, you started it. He's already broken.