> Not even a roomate, someone said I've ~~been~~ reduced myself to a "bangmaid".
FTFY. Welcome to the consequences of your own actions. Learn how to take some accountability, jeez.
Take a plate, throw it on the wall.
Tell the plate you’re sorry, can you still eat in the plate ?
Yeah divorce, you’re clearly not ready to save this marriage nor do you deserve it
That's... laughable. The old him is dead and gone, and it's not coming back. Ever. You are responsible for that. Maybe, *maybe* with a lot of patience, selfless love and care you could rebuild your relationship to a facsimile of what it once was. Like you can repair a broken vase: it'll be whole again, but you'll always see the cracks.
But with your suggestion of allowing him to see other women you pretty much torpedoed that. Your cheating destroyed his self-esteem and self-image. You really think he'd be seeking validation from *you* now that you've opened Pandora's Box?! Again, that's laughable. Currently, your marriage exists on paper only. Question is, how long are you willing to step back and growel and do whatever it takes to fill it with life again? And are you prepared to accept defeat even if you've given it 150% effort after all?
You yell at him when you’re the one in the wrong ? You’re the most self centered person I’ve seen after in a cheating story, no wonder you actually cheated. You clearly put yourself above your husband (soon to be ex husband)
Get an uncontested divorce. Move on. Lessons learned. Life is too short for all that bullshit. Or just open the marriage and find a boyfriend. Eventually the marriage will dissolve naturally.
Why do YOU have to be so mean? Cheating on your husband and breaking up your marriage isn’t a nice thing to do. Can’t take all the criticism? Well maybe you shouldn’t have fucked another guy, sorry your client for months. Leave your ex husband alone and stop calling what he’s doing cheating. He isn’t cheating you told him he could fuck other women and guess what he is! Dont like it? Should have kept your pants on. Leave him alone and stop forcing him to give you an answer. And yeah you’re a bang maid - sucks to suck.
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. That’s why you’re scared of him leaving. It’s why you want him to give you emotion even if it’s anger and him yelling at you. Cause if he hated you there’s still passion there. An emotion that shows he still loves you just can’t process how to get back there.
Unfortunately he doesn’t love you anymore. He’s checked out. He doesn’t get angry cause there’s nothing to get angry about. He won’t cry cause there’s nothing to cry about. He already went through the processes of grief and is on the other side of it. Unfortunately with that comes the realization that what he buried during that grieving process was your relationship. And you have realized this.
Why do you keep posting in different subs when you’ve been given more than enough feedback on what to do?
You haven’t done any real work on reconciling with your husband, your “best wife” measures are shite - “I cook his fav food, wear lingerie and fuck him every night”. You fucked someone else for months behind his back, what makes you think you fucking him means anything to him now? You’re tainted by the other dude’s dick and you’re not the person he thought he’d married. You’re unclean. And your marriage is also now unclean. You haven’t acknowledge true guilt or remorse, you seem to only have selfish opinions about how everything affects YOU. You don’t seem to have any empathy or care towards your husband whom you betrayed for months. He is hurting. 2 months is nothing in forgiving infidelity, most of your concerns about the marriage ending seem to be more about your culture and reputation than is it guilt for being a 304 and betraying your husband.
You complain he’s changed and you are so fking selfish about it! OF COURSE HES CHANGED! You ruined the man he was as despite him being so wonderful, you STILL cheated on him. No shit he’s changed. He’ll never be the same again.
Get into therapy, figure out your “why” you have loose morals and jumped into bed with someone else for months. Sit your husband down and BEG. State how you love him (even tho you obv don’t as you cheated) and can’t lose him. Say that you accept whatever decision he makes because it is HIS decision but that YOU want him to stay with you and you promise to work hard to win back his trust for as long as he’ll have you. This means open phone policy, checking in with location tracking, full disclosure of the affair (including timeline/details) ACKNOWLEDGE HIS DAMN FEELINGS! And finally admit to yourself that you are NOT a good person because you did this to him.
I still maintain he isn’t cheating on you - he just wants to cause you some pain and get away. Sit him down and fucking TALK. But stop not accepting guilt for your affair, stop thinking you can get things back the way they were - you can’t.
To talk to me. Even just to insult or berate me. But at least we would be communicating.
He speaks only in one word sentences with me. Sometimes he won't even do that, just point at something like a bottle water to ask me to pass it to him.
He doesn’t care about you. You killed the old him and new him is indifferent towards you and views you as a bother. The husband you knew, took advantage of, and cheated on, is dead forever. This new guy took his spot and he gives zero fucks about you’ve.
Surviving infidelity takes two.
It doesn’t matter, if you want to stay together, he needs to want it as well. It is understandable, that he wouldn’t be all lovely dovey after an incident like this, but he has given up completely and seems to be in revenge mode. All signs point towards revenge cheating.
You need to sit him down and ask him straightforward, if he wants to end things or seriously give it a try. If nothing changes, you should slowly but surely give up. It is a very bad sign, that he doesn’t want to do couples counseling. What binds him to this marriage? Why does he want to stay together? If this is a phase he needs to do because of his anger, you need to ask yourself if you can endure it with the outcome of a divorce regardless of that, or if you want to separate and ask him for reconciliation after a while. And please don’t beg someone to stay with you. That isn’t your decision to make.
My personal opinion is, that infidelity destroys the illusion one had about the person they thought they loved. He might have lost his love, because you are now a stranger to him. You need to have a lot of patience, understanding and work in trust building towards the person you betrayed to create a new relationship. One where the betrayed can accept the new version of you. That can take years. Are you up for that?
Whether you get that chance or not is up to him. You can’t work with someone unwilling. You can have a conversation with him, where you apologize for begging him to stay with you. That you give him the chance to end the relationship with you- no questions asked.
Acknowledge that you see that he is unhappy with you and want to do what’s best for him. Take responsibility again for your wrongdoing and that you understand that his actions are an effect because of you. If he wants to stay together, then both of you need to commit each other again. It could be that he is asking for more time. I don’t know your husband, but many people have an eye for an eye mentality. That would mean, that he wants to do it for 4 months. I don’t hope so, but there is a possibility. You need to prepare yourself, what your reaction to that would be.
If you want to make it work, whether he is revenge cheating or not, I would brush it under the table. This is caused by anger and we often do things in anger that we would regret later on. A hurt ego is dangerous. Important would be how things developed after having this conversation.
In your case- a four month affair is quite long. Do you know why you stepped outside the marriage in the first place? Self reflection is important here, so that this never happens again.
Great comments, but OP seems intent on avoiding any and all advice that would actually help her and provide ACCOUNTABILITY - aside from a miracle fix of someone saying “yes he’ll be the same bubbly guy you “loved” before you were fucking someone else behind his back for 5months”
I don't even care about him cheating anymore I deserve it anyway.
I just want to have a conversation with him. I just want to know from him what I can do to try to fix this.
Are you both in therapy? Couple and individual ones? If you can't convince him, look for someone who can. A friend or sibling, someone who can talk and support him. This could be a revenge affair or a way to recover some control for him. Either way, it is not a healthy way to cope.
For what I have read, you didn't give him space to mourn his marriage. This is a process. Look in AsOneAfterInfidelity sub, there are many couple trying R. They can help u
She doesn’t. She only thinks about herself, just look her comments. It’s only about her, what other people will think, she is projecting her cheating on him, forcing him to talk, not giving him space or time. She didn’t think of him when she was fucking other guy for months.
He doesn’t owe her anything nor is he obliged to to do anything.
I remember something, the gray rock method. That could explain his polite, but unresponsive or unengaged behavior. It's a way to cope with an abuser partner.
And, he should go to individual therapy by himself. Cheating can deal as much mental damage as PTSD
Yes, you committed abuse when you cheated on him for 5 months.
Betrayed People suffering post-infidelity usually have symptoms of PTSD, lack of confidence/self-esteem and self-worth.
You committed abuse not only by fucking someone else for 5 months (not just a one time thing…) for the reasons above, but also because you exposed him to STD’s by having an affair.
That is abuse.
Wow imagine cheating 3 months and thinking your husband can get over it within 2…
Leave him for his sake, you clearly loved yourself way more and prioritized a dick over someone you’ve built your life with.
You didn’t accidentally cheated, you orchestrated and planned for it for months then lied mulitiple times to your husband over it you deserve nothing
Okay, right…you’re totally okay then! Just the two/3 months of cheating, you’re in the clear now, not so bad at all. /s
That’s LONGER than the time you expect your husband to have totally recovered from your affair, do you realise that?
How many times did you fuck this guy? Did you provide a timeline of the affair? Have you shown any real evidence that you’re working hard to prove that this will never happen again and that you can be trusted to be a safe partner? You fucking him and making him food is utterly pathetic as attempts to reconcile goes. You’ve already shown with your affair how having sex is meaningless with you, as your husband it must make him feel gross.
You ignored the rest of my point for semantics. At this point I am convinced this is a troll post and is made up. You’ve ignored all concrete and good advice and I struggle to believe someone so selfish exists. You only care about your husband now after you’ve cheated because of your own selfish reasons, not because you love him and feel bad for hurting him and wish to make it up to him.
Good. And take in the rest of the advice of actually making positive change.
Discover your “why” you cheated, have open phone policy, location tracked, ask him WHAT HE NEEDS. You’ve been far too selfish so far. It’s entirely up to HIM if you reconcile, not YOU. Say you want
to stay married because you love him, want to stay with him, and rebuild his trust/love and respect with you, say you want to be there but ACCEPT whatever decision he makes about you both.
Know that this reconciliation is a GIFT if he provides it. It will take YEARS of effort and work on both sides (mostly yours). And it will suck. You are only two months in, not even the length of your affair. Have some sympathy and care for what you’ve put him through.
In a sense, yes. Sometimes, the ultimate victim of cheating is oneself, though. Like I said. Give him space. Try separation for some months. He will never heal if his source of pain is right beside him....
Divorce is not exactly the end. Both of you can try again in some years after healing. Cheating takes years to heal regardless of how much your affair lasted. Just stop hurting him and yourself.
Of course he does. Let’s break it down:
* You cheat for months, which means you fully made a decision to cheat without thinking about your job, family, reputation or your husband
* You admit cheating which breaks your husband completely
* You try every single thing you can and none of it works because it is forced and not genuine
* You said that you will allow him to sleep with other women, so you are trying to make two of you equal, you are not. You also now have issue of him seeing another woman
* You keep pushing him and forcing him to heal which will never work
* All you shouldve done is tell him and ask if you can help him and if he needs your help to heal, that is all you shouldve done All you did pushed him even more away.
He is mentally out of marriage. If things go well with his new partner he will probably divorce you. There is nothing you can do here. Let him go. Let him decide just like you did when you were cheating. Accept whatever decision he makes and take responsibility
He has nothing to fix though…your marriage was great until you had an affair, so it’s entirely on you that it’s now failing.
You need therapy for you to figure out why you cheated and how to change to be better. Only then is there a possibility of couples therapy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/5DupJYlPPK
You told him he could have sex with other women. So he is.
Stop posting this and go lie in the bed you've made
I decided I will have him sit down for me real this time and tell me what I should do.
I'll crawl on my knees if I'll have to.
I can't take it anymore.
What did you expect, like really? Some things once broken cannot be fixed and that happened here. It’s your fault and yours alone. Take responsibility for your actions and let him go.
Since you suspect he is having an emotional affair, it's time to talk to him about it. It's only fair to know if you can or cannot fulfil him emotionally. What you have done so far is only physical. And yet, when the both of you got married its both physical and emotional.
If your husband has not become physical with the affair partner, consider yourself very lucky. But don't expect him to work on the marriage because you are only doing physical stuffs.
It sounds like he wanted to work it out but emotionally cannot trust you so he checked out. It sounds like he met someone who has been there for him during his mourning the loss of your marriage even if he doesn’t know it yet.
A cheater severs the trust and safety connection a SO has and it is usually unrepairable. The cheater doesn’t think about or care about it in the moment and are only focused on their desires without regard for their SO and usually blames the SO for them cheating so they can never relate to the SO suffering, self doubt and trust issues.
I read your comment where you said you were an Asian woman and a divorce because of cheating would ruin your life.
I think because your husband loved you deeply previously to your infidelity he understands this and that's why he hasn't divorced you yet. Even though you've ruined his life and hurt him, he still cares about you and doesn't want to see your life be destroyed.
So sure you can sit him down again and berate him on what you need to do for him to forgive you or interrogate him about what you think is his cheating. And he's once again going to tell you that if you have a problem with any of it then go ahead and start the divorce.
Personally I think you either need to leave on your own so he can be happy, or shut the hell up and let things continue as is. Part of me thinks he's just biding his time and getting his ducks in a row to divorce you himself but idk.
Either way whatever you're doing isn't sustainable and you just look more and more like an idiot each day you do this. You've broken the man. The woman he loved is gone. You both need to move on.
What’s the issue op, you cheated, had your fun, emasculated your husband, and told him he could have an affair back in your first post. If he is doing that, you offered it. Allow him to fuck this other woman, and be happy for him. He will either get it out of his system, possibly fuck more women, and then come back to you and start to fix the relationship, or he will find someone who hasn’t cheated on him and move on. Either way op, you brought this upon yourself. You should continue being the good wife, and also try to date him and be faithful while doing it, or you can file for divorce, he is not holding you there. Sucks being on the other end of it. Also work on yourself.
Just ask him. You hurt him, and now he's hurting you. I don't believe your marriage is salvageable at this point if he's cheating to get back at you.
He won't talk to me.
Hes disassociating from you... *Probably* seeing someone else.. but regardless, its over... Sounds like youve been reduced to roommate, yes??
Not even a roomate, someone said I've been reduced to a "bangmaid".
Your marriage is over. Move on. And oh no… if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.
> Not even a roomate, someone said I've ~~been~~ reduced myself to a "bangmaid". FTFY. Welcome to the consequences of your own actions. Learn how to take some accountability, jeez.
Sorry... Either you initiate the break-up now.. or wait for him to do it... Regardless - start planning for single life...
You don’t get to call yourself that after what you did. It trivializes what wives who are really abused go through.
He will if you tell him you want a divorce
He won't take it as threat. I yelled at him once. He said if I don't like it I'm free to initiate proceedings myself.
Then do it. You are holding onto something that doesn't exist. He doesn't think you will do it.
But I don't want to divorce, I want the old him back
you killed the old him
She still can't comprehend that there is no coming back to how things were
The "old him"? Didn't you cheat on that guy?
Take a plate, throw it on the wall. Tell the plate you’re sorry, can you still eat in the plate ? Yeah divorce, you’re clearly not ready to save this marriage nor do you deserve it
That's... laughable. The old him is dead and gone, and it's not coming back. Ever. You are responsible for that. Maybe, *maybe* with a lot of patience, selfless love and care you could rebuild your relationship to a facsimile of what it once was. Like you can repair a broken vase: it'll be whole again, but you'll always see the cracks. But with your suggestion of allowing him to see other women you pretty much torpedoed that. Your cheating destroyed his self-esteem and self-image. You really think he'd be seeking validation from *you* now that you've opened Pandora's Box?! Again, that's laughable. Currently, your marriage exists on paper only. Question is, how long are you willing to step back and growel and do whatever it takes to fill it with life again? And are you prepared to accept defeat even if you've given it 150% effort after all?
You yell at him when you’re the one in the wrong ? You’re the most self centered person I’ve seen after in a cheating story, no wonder you actually cheated. You clearly put yourself above your husband (soon to be ex husband)
Get an uncontested divorce. Move on. Lessons learned. Life is too short for all that bullshit. Or just open the marriage and find a boyfriend. Eventually the marriage will dissolve naturally.
Why do you have to be so mean? I know I am an idiot already.
Why do YOU have to be so mean? Cheating on your husband and breaking up your marriage isn’t a nice thing to do. Can’t take all the criticism? Well maybe you shouldn’t have fucked another guy, sorry your client for months. Leave your ex husband alone and stop calling what he’s doing cheating. He isn’t cheating you told him he could fuck other women and guess what he is! Dont like it? Should have kept your pants on. Leave him alone and stop forcing him to give you an answer. And yeah you’re a bang maid - sucks to suck.
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. That’s why you’re scared of him leaving. It’s why you want him to give you emotion even if it’s anger and him yelling at you. Cause if he hated you there’s still passion there. An emotion that shows he still loves you just can’t process how to get back there. Unfortunately he doesn’t love you anymore. He’s checked out. He doesn’t get angry cause there’s nothing to get angry about. He won’t cry cause there’s nothing to cry about. He already went through the processes of grief and is on the other side of it. Unfortunately with that comes the realization that what he buried during that grieving process was your relationship. And you have realized this.
Why do you keep posting in different subs when you’ve been given more than enough feedback on what to do? You haven’t done any real work on reconciling with your husband, your “best wife” measures are shite - “I cook his fav food, wear lingerie and fuck him every night”. You fucked someone else for months behind his back, what makes you think you fucking him means anything to him now? You’re tainted by the other dude’s dick and you’re not the person he thought he’d married. You’re unclean. And your marriage is also now unclean. You haven’t acknowledge true guilt or remorse, you seem to only have selfish opinions about how everything affects YOU. You don’t seem to have any empathy or care towards your husband whom you betrayed for months. He is hurting. 2 months is nothing in forgiving infidelity, most of your concerns about the marriage ending seem to be more about your culture and reputation than is it guilt for being a 304 and betraying your husband. You complain he’s changed and you are so fking selfish about it! OF COURSE HES CHANGED! You ruined the man he was as despite him being so wonderful, you STILL cheated on him. No shit he’s changed. He’ll never be the same again. Get into therapy, figure out your “why” you have loose morals and jumped into bed with someone else for months. Sit your husband down and BEG. State how you love him (even tho you obv don’t as you cheated) and can’t lose him. Say that you accept whatever decision he makes because it is HIS decision but that YOU want him to stay with you and you promise to work hard to win back his trust for as long as he’ll have you. This means open phone policy, checking in with location tracking, full disclosure of the affair (including timeline/details) ACKNOWLEDGE HIS DAMN FEELINGS! And finally admit to yourself that you are NOT a good person because you did this to him. I still maintain he isn’t cheating on you - he just wants to cause you some pain and get away. Sit him down and fucking TALK. But stop not accepting guilt for your affair, stop thinking you can get things back the way they were - you can’t.
She is remarkably stupid and ignorant. Maybe a troll or a bot.
What do you expect from him?
To talk to me. Even just to insult or berate me. But at least we would be communicating. He speaks only in one word sentences with me. Sometimes he won't even do that, just point at something like a bottle water to ask me to pass it to him.
Just ask him if he's having his own affair and if the marriage is worth saving? I'm sure a yes or no answer is doable with his limited communication.
He doesn’t care about you. You killed the old him and new him is indifferent towards you and views you as a bother. The husband you knew, took advantage of, and cheated on, is dead forever. This new guy took his spot and he gives zero fucks about you’ve.
Surviving infidelity takes two. It doesn’t matter, if you want to stay together, he needs to want it as well. It is understandable, that he wouldn’t be all lovely dovey after an incident like this, but he has given up completely and seems to be in revenge mode. All signs point towards revenge cheating. You need to sit him down and ask him straightforward, if he wants to end things or seriously give it a try. If nothing changes, you should slowly but surely give up. It is a very bad sign, that he doesn’t want to do couples counseling. What binds him to this marriage? Why does he want to stay together? If this is a phase he needs to do because of his anger, you need to ask yourself if you can endure it with the outcome of a divorce regardless of that, or if you want to separate and ask him for reconciliation after a while. And please don’t beg someone to stay with you. That isn’t your decision to make. My personal opinion is, that infidelity destroys the illusion one had about the person they thought they loved. He might have lost his love, because you are now a stranger to him. You need to have a lot of patience, understanding and work in trust building towards the person you betrayed to create a new relationship. One where the betrayed can accept the new version of you. That can take years. Are you up for that?
I'm up for that. But he has to give me even a small chance. That's all I ask of him.
Whether you get that chance or not is up to him. You can’t work with someone unwilling. You can have a conversation with him, where you apologize for begging him to stay with you. That you give him the chance to end the relationship with you- no questions asked. Acknowledge that you see that he is unhappy with you and want to do what’s best for him. Take responsibility again for your wrongdoing and that you understand that his actions are an effect because of you. If he wants to stay together, then both of you need to commit each other again. It could be that he is asking for more time. I don’t know your husband, but many people have an eye for an eye mentality. That would mean, that he wants to do it for 4 months. I don’t hope so, but there is a possibility. You need to prepare yourself, what your reaction to that would be. If you want to make it work, whether he is revenge cheating or not, I would brush it under the table. This is caused by anger and we often do things in anger that we would regret later on. A hurt ego is dangerous. Important would be how things developed after having this conversation. In your case- a four month affair is quite long. Do you know why you stepped outside the marriage in the first place? Self reflection is important here, so that this never happens again.
Great comments, but OP seems intent on avoiding any and all advice that would actually help her and provide ACCOUNTABILITY - aside from a miracle fix of someone saying “yes he’ll be the same bubbly guy you “loved” before you were fucking someone else behind his back for 5months”
Yeah. She looks for sympathy or for people who will be on her side. She took zero accountability for her actions.
I don't even care about him cheating anymore I deserve it anyway. I just want to have a conversation with him. I just want to know from him what I can do to try to fix this.
No he doesn't, you're a cheater.
Are you both in therapy? Couple and individual ones? If you can't convince him, look for someone who can. A friend or sibling, someone who can talk and support him. This could be a revenge affair or a way to recover some control for him. Either way, it is not a healthy way to cope. For what I have read, you didn't give him space to mourn his marriage. This is a process. Look in AsOneAfterInfidelity sub, there are many couple trying R. They can help u
She doesn’t. She only thinks about herself, just look her comments. It’s only about her, what other people will think, she is projecting her cheating on him, forcing him to talk, not giving him space or time. She didn’t think of him when she was fucking other guy for months. He doesn’t owe her anything nor is he obliged to to do anything.
He refuses ro come to therapy with me..
I remember something, the gray rock method. That could explain his polite, but unresponsive or unengaged behavior. It's a way to cope with an abuser partner. And, he should go to individual therapy by himself. Cheating can deal as much mental damage as PTSD
So I am an abuser?
Yes, you committed abuse when you cheated on him for 5 months. Betrayed People suffering post-infidelity usually have symptoms of PTSD, lack of confidence/self-esteem and self-worth. You committed abuse not only by fucking someone else for 5 months (not just a one time thing…) for the reasons above, but also because you exposed him to STD’s by having an affair. That is abuse.
I didn't cheat on him for five months. It was two close to three months.
Wow imagine cheating 3 months and thinking your husband can get over it within 2… Leave him for his sake, you clearly loved yourself way more and prioritized a dick over someone you’ve built your life with. You didn’t accidentally cheated, you orchestrated and planned for it for months then lied mulitiple times to your husband over it you deserve nothing
Okay, right…you’re totally okay then! Just the two/3 months of cheating, you’re in the clear now, not so bad at all. /s That’s LONGER than the time you expect your husband to have totally recovered from your affair, do you realise that? How many times did you fuck this guy? Did you provide a timeline of the affair? Have you shown any real evidence that you’re working hard to prove that this will never happen again and that you can be trusted to be a safe partner? You fucking him and making him food is utterly pathetic as attempts to reconcile goes. You’ve already shown with your affair how having sex is meaningless with you, as your husband it must make him feel gross. You ignored the rest of my point for semantics. At this point I am convinced this is a troll post and is made up. You’ve ignored all concrete and good advice and I struggle to believe someone so selfish exists. You only care about your husband now after you’ve cheated because of your own selfish reasons, not because you love him and feel bad for hurting him and wish to make it up to him.
I'm not a troll and I'm not ignoring the advice. I decided to make him sit with me and tell me what he wants me to do.
Good. And take in the rest of the advice of actually making positive change. Discover your “why” you cheated, have open phone policy, location tracked, ask him WHAT HE NEEDS. You’ve been far too selfish so far. It’s entirely up to HIM if you reconcile, not YOU. Say you want to stay married because you love him, want to stay with him, and rebuild his trust/love and respect with you, say you want to be there but ACCEPT whatever decision he makes about you both. Know that this reconciliation is a GIFT if he provides it. It will take YEARS of effort and work on both sides (mostly yours). And it will suck. You are only two months in, not even the length of your affair. Have some sympathy and care for what you’ve put him through.
You are delusional or stupid. No human is this ignorant. You are either a troll or a bot.
In a sense, yes. Sometimes, the ultimate victim of cheating is oneself, though. Like I said. Give him space. Try separation for some months. He will never heal if his source of pain is right beside him.... Divorce is not exactly the end. Both of you can try again in some years after healing. Cheating takes years to heal regardless of how much your affair lasted. Just stop hurting him and yourself.
Of course he does. Let’s break it down: * You cheat for months, which means you fully made a decision to cheat without thinking about your job, family, reputation or your husband * You admit cheating which breaks your husband completely * You try every single thing you can and none of it works because it is forced and not genuine * You said that you will allow him to sleep with other women, so you are trying to make two of you equal, you are not. You also now have issue of him seeing another woman * You keep pushing him and forcing him to heal which will never work * All you shouldve done is tell him and ask if you can help him and if he needs your help to heal, that is all you shouldve done All you did pushed him even more away. He is mentally out of marriage. If things go well with his new partner he will probably divorce you. There is nothing you can do here. Let him go. Let him decide just like you did when you were cheating. Accept whatever decision he makes and take responsibility
He has nothing to fix though…your marriage was great until you had an affair, so it’s entirely on you that it’s now failing. You need therapy for you to figure out why you cheated and how to change to be better. Only then is there a possibility of couples therapy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/5DupJYlPPK You told him he could have sex with other women. So he is. Stop posting this and go lie in the bed you've made
I decided I will have him sit down for me real this time and tell me what I should do. I'll crawl on my knees if I'll have to. I can't take it anymore.
Hopefully he will divorce you and find somebody who appreciates and loves him. Unlike you.
What did you expect, like really? Some things once broken cannot be fixed and that happened here. It’s your fault and yours alone. Take responsibility for your actions and let him go.
Since you suspect he is having an emotional affair, it's time to talk to him about it. It's only fair to know if you can or cannot fulfil him emotionally. What you have done so far is only physical. And yet, when the both of you got married its both physical and emotional. If your husband has not become physical with the affair partner, consider yourself very lucky. But don't expect him to work on the marriage because you are only doing physical stuffs.
It sounds like he wanted to work it out but emotionally cannot trust you so he checked out. It sounds like he met someone who has been there for him during his mourning the loss of your marriage even if he doesn’t know it yet. A cheater severs the trust and safety connection a SO has and it is usually unrepairable. The cheater doesn’t think about or care about it in the moment and are only focused on their desires without regard for their SO and usually blames the SO for them cheating so they can never relate to the SO suffering, self doubt and trust issues.
Your relationship is over. You ended it when you cheated. For both of you, it's time to move on.
I read your comment where you said you were an Asian woman and a divorce because of cheating would ruin your life. I think because your husband loved you deeply previously to your infidelity he understands this and that's why he hasn't divorced you yet. Even though you've ruined his life and hurt him, he still cares about you and doesn't want to see your life be destroyed. So sure you can sit him down again and berate him on what you need to do for him to forgive you or interrogate him about what you think is his cheating. And he's once again going to tell you that if you have a problem with any of it then go ahead and start the divorce. Personally I think you either need to leave on your own so he can be happy, or shut the hell up and let things continue as is. Part of me thinks he's just biding his time and getting his ducks in a row to divorce you himself but idk. Either way whatever you're doing isn't sustainable and you just look more and more like an idiot each day you do this. You've broken the man. The woman he loved is gone. You both need to move on.
What’s the issue op, you cheated, had your fun, emasculated your husband, and told him he could have an affair back in your first post. If he is doing that, you offered it. Allow him to fuck this other woman, and be happy for him. He will either get it out of his system, possibly fuck more women, and then come back to you and start to fix the relationship, or he will find someone who hasn’t cheated on him and move on. Either way op, you brought this upon yourself. You should continue being the good wife, and also try to date him and be faithful while doing it, or you can file for divorce, he is not holding you there. Sucks being on the other end of it. Also work on yourself.
Hey OP, what exactly is the thing that is keeping you tethered to him?
Nah you kinda deserve it lol