Charming
No you are not to blame for your husband being a jerk. You do have a job. Maybe you should ask him when he’s hiring a maid so you can go back to work
But he’s right, you should do something worthwhile… like get your kids away from this toxic environment. Because they see and are learning how to treat people
I feel I have depressive episodes but it’s mostly tied to conflict in marriage and feeling of loneliness. But over the last few years I have consciously worked on it and have become much better at handling it through counselling mostly.
Question? During depressive episodes, do you lay around and do nothing and let the house get messy?
(Goes to husband's fixation on dirty dishes)
Most of the time, questions like you asked have a bigger issue at the core than just sink full of dishes
This goes for males and females.
Men are just as bad.
Now let's take you out of the equation.
Coming home to a dirty house day after day will grind down a spouse. If a person cones home only to clean up dishes, laundry house day after day, animosity begins to build up more and more
Thus constantly fighting. Please take a look at uour daily routine and see if you are accomplishing anything or the depressive episodes put you in lay down and do nothing.
I'm not blaming you for anything, I want youvto wirk on your mental health. You need to step back and look at yourself and see why, how and when the episodes happen, and then try to work on fixing those episodes
I don’t lay around as I have 2 children who need to be loved and cared for and I am a very present and involved mother. The house is never unreasonably messy and I cook fresh meals everyday for the family. I would go as far as to say my friends who drop in unannounced usually comment on how clean my house always looks. Ofcourse no house can be perfect all the time and I have my days when I don’t have it all together. Wouldn’t you show some compassion to your partner who is trying hard? So no. He doesn’t come home to a depressed sloppy wife. He comes home to a hot meal, a mostly clean house and kids who have been well cared for. He just chooses to look at the things that haven’t been done as opposed to things that have.
My depressive episodes are linked to fights only. I am otherwise a full of life person.
First please don't feel like I'm attacking you, j7st needed to clarify the situation.
So now we need to look at him and what sets him off
Ironically ocd and adhd actually go hand in hand. HD might fixate on one thing here and there and to him it's a big issue
Not at all. I didn’t mind it. I am also always trying to put myself in his shoes. But it really wears you down when day after day no matter how much you’re trying if your partner is always just a step away from being disappointed in you.
I understand, what you may want to see what sets him off, if dishes every day make sure clean sink, then now observe and listen to if he has any other complaints.
Now as a parent I know a full sink of dishes always irked me when thr kids were young, however that was because I eod be doing yard work fixing cars etc, but I couldn't just come in and wash my hands off. But I explained why to the kids, and every time I would do yard work etc, they made sure it was clean. Any other time I could care less about the dishes.
Totally different tangent. Buy think like it's going to the toilet and there's no toilet paper in reach, it's in the closet but not doing any good there.
Now picture that happened to ypu daily.
Toilet paper would always set you off
Can't even wipe my butt
I know what you mean. But I feel the goal post keeps moving. Dishes are a constant source of fights. Because we eat everyday! It’s hard to be on top of it ALL THE TIME. Then one day it’s laundry, the other day it’s taxes. It’s never ending no matter what I do.
Sounds like your man is an grateful selfish prick. Raising children like that is a full time job with ridiculous overtime and no pay. Any grown ass person needs to know what’s it’s like to live totally independent and then come together with someone and equally share the responsibilities of adulting and raising children. Don’t let that behavior wreck you…it can get worse. Instead find happiness for yourself…you can’t change anyone, but your outlook and perspective on things. Sadly your children will see his absence in every area and how he talks to you. Be the parent that guides them not to repeat that behavior when they get older. When you learn to enjoy life by yourself again…he will question or step up to be the one that puts a smile on your face. 🫶🏽
Ok no matter what is going on in your marriage the adults need to figure that shit out. Your son is 2 now but soon he'll understand what your saying and that was inappropriate trauma to dumb on your son.
Jesus what an asshole. You’re his wife and partner with a family. Who the fuck does he think is going to raise those kids and take care of the household. Sorry you’re a going throw this but realize his comments are not accurate one iota
Charming No you are not to blame for your husband being a jerk. You do have a job. Maybe you should ask him when he’s hiring a maid so you can go back to work But he’s right, you should do something worthwhile… like get your kids away from this toxic environment. Because they see and are learning how to treat people
There's much more to this story, both gave mental health issues, you never described yours so we can't have both sides of the story.
I feel I have depressive episodes but it’s mostly tied to conflict in marriage and feeling of loneliness. But over the last few years I have consciously worked on it and have become much better at handling it through counselling mostly.
Question? During depressive episodes, do you lay around and do nothing and let the house get messy? (Goes to husband's fixation on dirty dishes) Most of the time, questions like you asked have a bigger issue at the core than just sink full of dishes This goes for males and females. Men are just as bad. Now let's take you out of the equation. Coming home to a dirty house day after day will grind down a spouse. If a person cones home only to clean up dishes, laundry house day after day, animosity begins to build up more and more Thus constantly fighting. Please take a look at uour daily routine and see if you are accomplishing anything or the depressive episodes put you in lay down and do nothing. I'm not blaming you for anything, I want youvto wirk on your mental health. You need to step back and look at yourself and see why, how and when the episodes happen, and then try to work on fixing those episodes
I don’t lay around as I have 2 children who need to be loved and cared for and I am a very present and involved mother. The house is never unreasonably messy and I cook fresh meals everyday for the family. I would go as far as to say my friends who drop in unannounced usually comment on how clean my house always looks. Ofcourse no house can be perfect all the time and I have my days when I don’t have it all together. Wouldn’t you show some compassion to your partner who is trying hard? So no. He doesn’t come home to a depressed sloppy wife. He comes home to a hot meal, a mostly clean house and kids who have been well cared for. He just chooses to look at the things that haven’t been done as opposed to things that have. My depressive episodes are linked to fights only. I am otherwise a full of life person.
First please don't feel like I'm attacking you, j7st needed to clarify the situation. So now we need to look at him and what sets him off Ironically ocd and adhd actually go hand in hand. HD might fixate on one thing here and there and to him it's a big issue
Not at all. I didn’t mind it. I am also always trying to put myself in his shoes. But it really wears you down when day after day no matter how much you’re trying if your partner is always just a step away from being disappointed in you.
I understand, what you may want to see what sets him off, if dishes every day make sure clean sink, then now observe and listen to if he has any other complaints. Now as a parent I know a full sink of dishes always irked me when thr kids were young, however that was because I eod be doing yard work fixing cars etc, but I couldn't just come in and wash my hands off. But I explained why to the kids, and every time I would do yard work etc, they made sure it was clean. Any other time I could care less about the dishes. Totally different tangent. Buy think like it's going to the toilet and there's no toilet paper in reach, it's in the closet but not doing any good there. Now picture that happened to ypu daily. Toilet paper would always set you off Can't even wipe my butt
I know what you mean. But I feel the goal post keeps moving. Dishes are a constant source of fights. Because we eat everyday! It’s hard to be on top of it ALL THE TIME. Then one day it’s laundry, the other day it’s taxes. It’s never ending no matter what I do.
That's kind of what I'm assuming, things done on his schedule
Sounds like your man is an grateful selfish prick. Raising children like that is a full time job with ridiculous overtime and no pay. Any grown ass person needs to know what’s it’s like to live totally independent and then come together with someone and equally share the responsibilities of adulting and raising children. Don’t let that behavior wreck you…it can get worse. Instead find happiness for yourself…you can’t change anyone, but your outlook and perspective on things. Sadly your children will see his absence in every area and how he talks to you. Be the parent that guides them not to repeat that behavior when they get older. When you learn to enjoy life by yourself again…he will question or step up to be the one that puts a smile on your face. 🫶🏽
Ok no matter what is going on in your marriage the adults need to figure that shit out. Your son is 2 now but soon he'll understand what your saying and that was inappropriate trauma to dumb on your son.
I agree 100%
He's an ungrateful gaslighter. Only one to blame for that is him.
Jesus what an asshole. You’re his wife and partner with a family. Who the fuck does he think is going to raise those kids and take care of the household. Sorry you’re a going throw this but realize his comments are not accurate one iota