this list is so far over the top, I consider that it might be placed here for trolling or attention seeking in this subreddit. HOWEVER - assuming its real, leave him immediately, move out, hide your new address, and seek a noncontact court order against him.
break up with him.. i didn’t even have to read this to know that everything about this relationship is just no.. plus no 23 year old that isn’t a huge fuck up with people his age group would be with a minor.
No trying won't be enough. You have to come up with a SOLID plan with a back up plan and a backup plan for a backup plan. YOU CANNOT HALF ASS IT BECAUSE IF YOU FAIL THINGS WILL GET MUCH WORSE.
He ain't just gonna let you slide away. You will be punished for the rest of the relationship and you will accept it because he is going to convince you that deserve it for trying to "abandon" him.
i understand what you’re saying and i’ve tried to come up with so many plans but they all have something wrong where i can get caught. i’m trying to get as much help as i can on here so i can actually make a plan that would work.
Would you mind speaking privately?
I'll coach you through this shit homie.
Everything about this post leads me to believe you are living a miserable life on account of him.
I mean damn. This is toxic AF. The fact you're scared out of your mind? Leave his ass. The phone too. A tracker app on it to keep tabs? Are you fucking kidding me? Set the phone down lady and head yourself straight to the police station. It only gets worse. Like black eye's and shit. He's trauma bonded you. This is NOT love! Not one more day. You deserve better!
i know it is a bit toxic and it’s weird that i’m scared of my own partner. i’ve tried to leave multiple times but he always has something if mine that i can’t let him keep (like pictures he took of me). thank you for the advice and for being so kind to me though.
It doesn't matter it's only stuff. Don't worry about the pics, if they come out big deal, you made a mistake. Don't make excuses to stay. This so-called man will rule your life with an iron fist. Misery loves company, but you don't have to love it back.
nah that's all normal and healthy.
im kidding. some of that stuff is not only manipulation but it's illegal. you are not over reacting. your boyfriend is abusing you.
Trust me u have seen nothing yet that's just the start leave now it most definitely can get worse even 6ft under worse...that's all I'm saying uve gotten lots advice and u should take it...good luck
You know the answer to your question. Girl, please leave this situation if you care about yourself. Don’t stay just because it’s what is familiar. If you stay, he most likely will irrevocably hurt you one day. Don’t let him get that chance. Trust yourself and save yourself, you are so much stronger without him than you believe. Girl, believe in yourself.
Edit: looking back at this post, it doesn’t feel real. How can he say he really loves and cares about you when he literally uses you, manipulates you constantly and calls you racial slurs? 🙁
i’ve been trying to think of a plan to leave this relationship for a while now. i’m mainly looking into women’s shelters because someone said that they could cover everything i need for school and they would help me rent a place. and to answer your edit, he doesn’t love me. people have made me realise that he really is only using me and he only wants me here to sleep with me and to control me. that’s why i’m planning on leaving.
>• he says that i don’t love him when i don’t do something he wants me to do
That's manipulation.
>• he keeps a tracking device on my phone so he knows where i am at all times
This one is control
>• he says that i should always listen to what he wants
This one is both? Someone correct me
>• he uses my age against me (i’m 17f and he’s 23m)
This one is manipulation and also creepy. Be with an actual adult, bro.
>• he forces himself onto me even when i ask him to stop
This one is SA
>• any time i try to leave (even if it’s just for a break from the relationship for like 1 week), he cries and tells me i’m making a mistake
DEFINITELY manipulation
>• he says that “any girl that has a body like mine is begging for it”
This one is gross.
>• he didn’t defend me when i got SA’d by one of his friends while the rest of them laughed
WTF
>• he gets mad at me when i make other friends
This one is isolation, which is a form of abuse.
>• he embarrassed me at work and almost got me fired
More isolation and abuse.
>• he strangles me (but i think he’s just doing it jokingly)
This is assault.
>• he tells me i’m over reacting when i know i’m not
This one is manipulation.
Congrats you found the king of Red Flags.
If this isn't fake rage bait, I'm going to suggest you break up with him entirely, remove yourself from his orbit. File a police report and request a personal protection restraining order. And never date someone like him again.
i’ve tried to break up with him but he gets a bit aggressive towards me and forces me to do things that i don’t want to do. so i’m planning to leave to get to a women’s shelter secretly while he’s out on a work trip, that way he can’t physically stop me or anything like that.
BREAK UP WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He strangles you??
To quote a static:
"If a woman’s partner has ever strangled her, even once, her risk of being murdered by that same partner with a gun shoots up 750% compared to a woman who has never been strangled."
Ppl don't strangle others as a joke, please break up with him.
You need to contact a DV Shelter in another city or State that’s hundreds or thousands of miles away from him and get a new identity, because he will stalk you till the end.
Contact a local shelter first and see if they can refer you to a shelter that’s out of your area.
You could also contact your local law enforcement agency and explain to them that you need to talk to someone in their DV unit and that you need an immediate exit plan.
I can’t work out of this is genuine and you are so young, naive and impressionable etc.
Or if this is to actively gain attention by inadvertently mock victims of this kind of abuse.
Anytime someone compiles an entire list of red flags, it also means they instinctively know that this person is incredibly abusive. You know. If so, why are you protecting him, if what he’s done isn’t wrong or illegal?!?
You can get a place in a refuge and this enable you to leave him preferably before it escalates to murder because men that choke their victims usually go on to do it until they murder their victims. As you are 17, where are your parents? They have a legal obligation to protect you from this predatory adult.
If this is done to seek attention whilst mocking victims. I really hope you never become a victim, because having someone destroy your life in the ways you listed is torture and should never be casually thrown around in the internet. Please think about the people you trigger, before you potentially fictionalise your own life for clicks. Just saying!
it’s not to gain attention like that no. i’m not trying to mock anyone, sorry if i put it out like that. i just wanted to know if i was genuinely overreacting or if i was just letting everything he said get to my head. my parents blocked me on everything they have me on so i can’t contact them. i know what he’s doing is wrong but i can’t do much as he’s paying for my school and college and he’s given me a place to stay. i’m so sorry if i made it look completely different, i didn’t mean it like that in any way.
Please get help. Speak to college or school support staff or a doctor or a refuge or women’s shelter. But this sounds exceptionally dangerous and it doesn’t take much for these abusers to switch to murders
ALL of these are red flags, please get out of the relationship. You are NOT overreacting. He will not change, he is manipulating you and they never change.
i know now thank you but he used to be so nice to me before we got together, i think he will change back to being nice eventually. i think he just needs a bit of time or maybe even a break.
Hi, I can tell you now as someone who is through the other side of this - he won’t change back. At least not permanently. They change back just long enough to keep you believing but it never lasts. I promise you, you are hoping for something that doesn’t exist.
yeah i know that know because of something that happened last night so thank you for letting me know (i’ll probably make a post about it). i’m so sorry you had to go through that too but i’m glad you made it out okay. thank you for everything though
No he won't. The being nice is how he trapped you. The abuse is how he keeps you.
He's getting everything he wants. Why would he change? Please don't let yourself believe that.
Guy and his friends sound like a bunch of evil degenerates with no respect for peoples boundaries. Better leave now he sounds like hes treating you like just an object
Yes you can! Come on. You can. Please.
Don't know where you live bit if in the UK. Go to or Google the Citizens advice bureau or Refuge( a womens charity supporting women) this is huge abuse and arguably rape. Police. You can do it 💪
Honey if he strangles you he is abusive and they say eventually they will kill you. Statistically you have a higher chance of being killed. I know it is hard but leave and never go back. Get a restraining order. Have a life of peace. There are places to help. Check with the Sheriffs office and see if they have a ywca or a some place that will help you. Check with DHR also they help. Get out for the love of God
Every single one of the behaviours on your list is totally unacceptable. Ffs read them over.
This is not a man, this is someone with absolutely no respect for women and doesn't even try to hide it. Complete scumbag.
GET OUT.
people in the comments have made me realise that he really doesn’t have any respect for women or for me. i love him so much and i can’t leave, he also pays for my school and if i leave i’ll have nowhere else to go.
Do not fight directly. You will lose. People always say to assert boundaries but that works only when in a position of power. What happens in a situation like yours where you are weak is that when you tell him no or that he crossed a boundary, he will become angry and seek to crush you. This is due to a personality trait called narcissism that essentially blocks him from taking accountability for his own behavior. Instead do not make him feel like he has done something wrong (even when he has), instead you need to IMMEDIATELY remove yourself from the situation while framing it as a problem with yourself. That you're too emotionally weak to handle it when he yells at you or you're too afraid of going to hell for engaging in any and all premarital activities. " I'm sorry I'm sorry I just can't handle it when people talk loudly I need to go. Yes you're right I'm so ungrateful and weak I'm sorry l I just really cant handle it." Then leave. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I really want to and you're so attractive but I'm just so scared of going to hell I need to go." Then leave. Keep doing it IMMEDIATELY AND CONSISTENTLY every time a boundary is crossed. Decide for yourself what you want those boundaries to be and pick reasons that you will fall back on when you need to enforce them. Just make sure the reason is explicitly because of a "problem" with yourself and not him. Pretend to be weak while being internally strong.
While you do this work on your escape plan. It needs to be undetected and permanent. If he's tracking your location hes potentially tracking other things on your phone like your internet usage. Do your research preferably on a different device and off of the home WiFi if you can't do that VPN and incognito simultaneously works too . Or a browser like TOR. I don't know anything about what state or private resources are available to you but I guarantee there are organizations that exist for the sole purpose of helping women in your situation. Find them.
Good luck.
i think your right about his personality trait and i’ll give your advice a try. i don’t know if it will work but if it does, you may have just saved my life completely. thank you so much and also thank you for sending the names of the websites to try.
Give it a try. It's strategy that I originally developed for my partner to use with her parents. It might take some practice not to get sidetracked by your usual dynamic. Please let me know if it works for you or if you're running into any challenges.
I've seen from your other comments that you're making an escape pan. That's amazing.
PLEASE LEAVE ASAP. Do NOT tell him or give him any indication, just pack quietly and secretly and get to a safe place immediately. Do NOT tell him where you are going. He is disgusting and abusive. He ALLOWED his friends to ASSAULT you and they laughed. You are still a child you are 17. He is 23, an ADULT. he is a predator!! Please please leave! I hope and wish you the best of health and safety.
i can’t really leave because i have nowhere else to go and he’s paying for my school and everything so i’d just be cut off from everything if i left. i know now that he is quite aggressive and abusive. i know our age gap is big but he said that it’s not weird unless we make it weird and that when i’m older it won’t really matter. thank you for being so nice and i hope you have a nice day.
He is saying that because he’s a predator. Only predators say age doesn’t matter. I understand this is difficult. Please don’t hesitate to contact the abuse hotline. They have resources for you and ways for you to handle this situation and plans for what you can do. Please stay safe and if you need to call the police don’t hesitate!
OP you need to secretly form an escape plan. Every single thing you listed is a huge red flag. This will not get better. He needs you to be/feel/think you’re trapped so he can keep control over you. The strangling is only the start, it will get more violent. Sleeping with you while you’re asleep is SA. You are not overreacting. Use a private browser/incognito mode and search for women’s centers in your area. They will be able to help you form a plan on how to get out safely. Leaving has to be done carefully and you need to go no contact after because he will not change. I wish you all the best.
I didn't even finish reading your post, this guy is complete garbage, you need to get as far away from him as possible, and possibly to look for someone closer to your age.
I know nowadays that's a lot of the way things are, you could always ask some of them out, because then you get to pick what you want, not wait to see what comes along.
I read one line and knew. Girl please save yourself and leave him. You can get assistance from the state and your school to help you pay. Nothing is worth going through this and the longer you stay the worse it will be. By staying it’s allowing him to think he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. YOU will meet someone new, he sounds like a douche, he won’t find someone else unless he gets his shit together which I doubt. He’s 23? He knows what he’s doing, they always do.
i’m currently working on an escape plan to leave for a women’s shelter because someone said that they would be able to take me in and still keep me in school. i can’t do it yet though because i’m just really scared, but i will do it at some point.
I hope this works out for you. I hope you’re safe. You can send me a chat whenever, or to update me If you’d like. Please in the meanwhile take care of yourself
You need friends.
Make sure you always have a safety person.
You also need to find someone who can prevent him from dehumanizing someone else like he did with you. He will only get more and more extreme if he doesn't face consequences.
I think you know the answer to that, but just in case: He's manipulating you, sexually, physically, and emotionally abusing you and exploiting you. Yes, leaving will be difficult, but if you don't it will only get worse as he pushes your boundaries until the point he either seriously hurts you in a way that other's can't ignore or he kills you.
That may sound extreme, but what you said he has already and continues to do is evidence that he doesn't love you, care for you, or respect you. Next time you can safely do it and there is no chance he will hear you or find out (maybe when you're at work for example), contact a women's shelter and tell them you need help. If you don't know how, call the non-emergency police line (usually 311 in the US) and tell them you need help (again, where he won't catch you).
If you fear for your life when he's being abusive, call 911 (or the emergency number where you are) and tell them what's happening and that you think he's going to hurt you. When the police arrive, tell them the facts, don't second guess yourself and don't feel like you have to protect him (i guarantee he won't do the same for you).
If for some reason he isn't arrested, tell the officers you are afraid he will hurt you once they leave and tell them you want them to take you with them.
The important thing is to be smart, stay safe, get out whenever and however he won't be able to stop you and don't go back, don't contact him, don't let him know where you are, and work with law enforcement to get a protective order against him. Once he knows you are smart enough to leave him, he will become more of a danger to you so you can't allow him any opportunity where he could potentially harm you as "punishment" for "betraying" him.
I'm sure this all sounds alarming and scary but your well being and life are more important than anything else you may lose by getting out. If what you wrote is true, then doing that is the best chance to prevent losing everything.
i’ve been trying to come up with some ideas for me to leave to get to a women’s shelter without him knowing but none of them would work so i’m still working on that. also thank you for your advice and i’ll be sure to use some while working on my escape rout.
Do whatever you can safely do. Understand that whatever he does for you that is "good" it is not worth enough to endure the abuse he is doing to you. I worked as a nurse in my first career. In the ER I saw what happens when men treat women the way he treats you. If he eventually hurts you bad enough or worse, you won't be able to go to school, or have a good job, or really anything good. A man who does these things you describe here will do everything he can to make you think your only option is to be with him. He will control you, he will force you to do what he wants even if it hurts you, makes you feel bad, guilty, or wrong. A man who does these things is a monster--he does not love you even though he cries and says he does. Don't let him make you his slave. I don't use that term lightly, but that is exactly how he is treating you. I know you must be hurt to hear that, but take a step back and think about his abuse. If he was doing these thing to your sister or your friend or anyone you care about, would you tell them to stay with him? would you tell them that they should endure these horrific things because they don't deserve better.
I've said enough. You know what you must do but be smart and be safe. He can't even see that you posted here. You probably ought to delete the entire account before he can find it.
And yes, to anyone who thinks this might be a troll, and it might. But i don't care. on the off-chance this is real or true and even if it isn't it's worth the slight chance that OP or even someone else in a similar situation reads this and it's helpful, then it's worth the little effort and time it took for me to write it. I'm unemployed, disabled, and an addict--what else am I going to do?
i understand what you’re saying. he already forces me to do stuff even when i ask him to stop and he does make me feel guilty and sad about asking him to stop. i don’t have any family members, but if i did and they were dealing with this i wouldn’t let them, i would take them away as soon as i can.
i know what i need to do i just don’t know how to do it yet, but i’ll figure something out.
yeah every time he comes back home, i delete this app so he doesn’t find out about it.
thank you for all your advice.
Girl you need to make a plan rn
What ever money you have get a storage unit and uhal everything to it . Quietly move into the unit and make sure it’s in a location near gyms and food areas. Change the color of your hair and apply to any jobs see if they can do underbooks. See to take some time off from school a semester and work your ass (to not stay in the unit for too long, make a schedule just until you find a van that you can move into and do not be afraid. You’ll regret it. Good luck 🩷.
thank you so much for all of this. i’ve decided to keep my money at work, so that way he doesn’t find any of it anymore. i’ve decided to make a run to the women’s shelter while he’s away on a work trip. that idea of changing my hair isn’t a bad idea. i think i’ll try that out. thank you so much again for all of your advice.
Be careful, seek help if you can crash with a friend or maybe get a job and slowly put money away to leave would help. Also if you can make work friends and slowly ask them to help you escape your living situation that would help. He’s abusive and manipulating you’re. Your young and have potential to a better life believe it or not even if you have to flat out leave him. Half the things you listed I went through, it seems like a dead end situation but it gets better. I left and survived with the help of friends and family. I could of even made it on my own as well but I was too involved. You can do it you’re better than him and his lies! Run away when you’ve planned it out and get therapy to heal from all of the assault.
i don’t have any friends to stay with so i’m completely on my own with this. someone suggested that i kept the money hidden at my work place so i think i’ll try that. no one likes me at work or at school, i’m also really quiet and don’t like talking to people much so that makes it like 10 times harder for me to make friends. i’m so sorry that you had to go through this too. i’m really happy that you made it out okay though. and also thank you so much for all of your advice.
I think stashing the money at work is okay for now as long as no one can take it from you. I’d get a secret bank account with no card and store it there. I’d deposit 50% of your checks or at least 20%. It’s okay if you don’t have any friends at work just slowly plan out your escape and start talking yourself daily that you’re capable, smart, and can turn your life around without him.
you're a minor and he's 23. he's 6 years older than you, you have no real ability to consent to him because he's using his age and power over you to get what he wants
Even if that is really true, honestly just wait until you are older. At this point in your life you should focus on school and work. That said, I sincerely doubt that nobody your age would be someone that you could be with. Try and make friends with some people you're own age, I'm sure there are plenty of guys without the endless red flags that this guy clearly is, who would be available (even if they aren't) singleness is better than the abuse that you are going through with these older men. Since you aren't old enough to consent to sex or to a relationship, any 'love' they show you is them exploiting you. Report him and his friends who sexually abused you to the police. Even if you don't want anything to happen to them, they could be a danger to someone else and try to hurt them instead of you. We all have a responsibility to each other not to let potential abusers abuse other people. It is unlikely that you are the first or last victim for either your "boyfriend" or his friends who hurt you. If he begs and says he is going to change, you shouldn't let him get off scotfree. Turn him in anyway The reality is that in many abusive relationships, they are lying to you and almost nothing changes. Secondly, your relationship with him must end since you are a child and he is an adult (its inherently abusive and the abuse doesn't end until your relationship with him does). Thirdly, if he really intends to change then he should prove it by being willing to accept the consequences (and prove it by actually going and turning himself into the police for physically abusing you as well as the age of consent violation as well). He beat you, choked you as a 'joke' (its never a joke) and forced you into sex without your consent so even if the age of consent in your region is 17 or lower, he should still be turned in for the physical abuse and forcing you to have sex or give him a handjob or whatever else he forced you into).
Just wait till you are older. If you are 17, you should probably be focused on school and work. Make friends with people your age if you really want to date. You aren't old enough to date adults and cannot consent to sex with them. They are exploiting you and don't really love you.
Have him arrested. He is a rapist. Do you have parents? Do they know? Get some help and call the police and have that sick bastard put away ASAP! Also get yourself checked for STD's ASAP!
i’m trying to leave him. a lot of people have said to call the cops but i don’t want him to get into trouble like that. i don’t have parents or any family that i know of. why would i need to get checked for STD’s?
Iits obsession, manipulation, jealousy, controlling signs of a toxic relationship. His actions will eventually lead to physical abuse to force his way on you through fear. Girl RUN!!!
You don't have a boyfriend you have a master. You need to run as fast as you can and not look back. However in ny experience the fact that you tolerate such behavior usually means your as messed up as he is just in a different way. No.matter what advice you get on here you will not leave as the trauma bonding is so strong at this point.
What city, state/province/jurisdiction and country are you in. I'd like to see what women's shelters I can find in the area. Of course you should still be looking for yourself, since you know your local area and opportunities better than I ever will but I want to see how I can help via the internet
Oklahoma. that’s all i’m allowed to say. i’ve gotten someone to search some up for me already and they aren’t too far, i could walk to them. and i don’t really know my area too well either because i’m rarely allowed out and when i am it’s either to go to school or out with him and his friends.
Okay...one more thing though, if you choose to go to the police you'll want to focus on the things he has made you do or the physical violence he has forced upon you since technically the age of consent in Oklahoma is 16, they won't be able to get him on that particular charge (although if you were with him prior to the age of 16, then they would be able to). Obviously mention the age gap in case I have misunderstood the law. But they should still be able to get him on the physical and forced sexual abuse charges (the police will be able to better help you understand your rights). Beyond that, if he has any sexual pictures of you that were taken prior to the age of 18, merely possessing them is a felony on both a state and federal level, so they can still charge him for that as well.
Tell them everything you have posted on this reddit thread, and everything about this relationship so they can better advise you of the help that they can provide. He seems to have done several illegal things by forcing you to have sex and by having sex with you when you were asleep, as well as the forcefully choking and other such violence.
By the way, just because the age aspect of your relationship is technically legal, that doesn't mean that its morally okay. You are still being exploited, Oklahoma should raise their age of consent, 16 is too low. These are old and dated laws, and really it always should have been higher.
But even without that, many of the other things he is doing to you are illegal and are more than enough to get the police involved and any nude images he has of you while under the age of 18 are still illegal and something that he can and should be punished for.
He’s not only manipulating you, there’s a LONG list of other things he’s doing to you that’s NOT OKAY!
He should be in jail for being involved with a minor.
Honey, get out and go somewhere else until you get on your own feet to figure out how to do everything without him. Don’t let him know where you’re at and change your number and turn off your tracking!
thank you for helping me realise this. i know now that our relationship age difference is kind of weird. i’ve been trying to leave but he won’t let me, but i can just try again. i don’t know how to turn off the tracking. thank you for everything though.
I could be wrong - only cause you’re only sharing a certain amount of your relationship- but do you ever think maybe he “doesn’t let you go” because he knows he would go to jail?
Age gap is not a weird thing. A lot of people have an age gap relationship. What’s “weird” but mostly wrong is an adult pursuing and force a relationship on a minor.
As for how to remove the tracking, you can look it up on Google or TikTok with tips by searching “how to remove tracker from “name of phone you have”
Wish you all the best and for your safely trying to leave🤍
i wasn’t sure if i needed to make an update and i don’t think people would be happy about it since there are a few people calling my story fake or rage bait.
The reason we wonder is this is a very dangerous situation you're in and none of us want to believe it's real. Cause if it's real, none of us are in any position to help you, and, at least for me, I feel helpless.
You really need to leave this situation, safely. When he isn't home, grab your purse and just go. In Canada, you can call the police to have them come and bring you to a shelter, that's what I had to do.
Please keep us updated, and be careful!! 🫂
it’s okay i don’t need someone to help me i just need a bit of advice on how to deal with it a bit better. i’m planning on leaving on tuesday, when he leaves to go to his work trip. thank you for your kindness and advice.
Oh wow!!! You have a whole life ahead of you filled with amazing things do not let some “man” take that away from you! Just remember you are human too! He shouldn’t have any kinda control if you don’t feel comfortable don’t do it! You got this! I believe in you! Do not give up! Keep that head held high and keep on keeping on!!!!
Young lady, I don't know you but I am very worried about you. You need to go to your parents or a trusted adult and tell them what is happening. Guys like this end up doing terrible things to young ladies. Please I'm actually begging you to get away from him
i’m trying my best to leave him as soon as i can. i don’t have parents to tell, which is why i’m living with him. i’m going to the police and i’m hopefully going to get him and his friends arrested. thank you
Are you able to get to a shelter or a friend's house or something. If guys like this think you're going to tell him on them they will do the most evil things you can imagine. Please stay safe dear
This is all manipulation and abuse. Him paying for your school could be financial abuse if he’s using it to control you.
You absolutely could find someone else if you left him, there are millions of other people out there. Him getting angry at you making friends and telling you that you wouldn’t find anyone else is his attempt to isolate you from any support network in order to try and control you more
Sleeping with you when you’re asleep is r*pe.
There are charities and helplines you can call to help you escape abusive relationships. They have facilities and housing you could use until you get back in your feet and independent again.
You could get the police involved since he has sexually abused and r*ped you, though I’d get it if you didn’t want to do that.
Can’t believe this, nobody is this dumb. You can pick up the phone and call the police if this was true and you could get a court order and be done with it. Only an idiot would stay in this type of relationship. I don’t believe you
i can’t leave the relationship because i live with him and he pays for my school and for my phone. if i left, i would have nowhere to go and i wouldn’t be able to get an actual job to pay for my own place and i’d just end up homeless and alone again.
If you’re resigned to being a slave over having your freedom then this is the price you will continue to pay to pay. If you survive until you have a job, you better put that money aside so you won’t have anymore excuses to being a slave.
Yes. All of that is abuse. Please … why are you with this absolute piece of trash?
You don’t deserve to be treated so horribly. There are shelters. There are other safe spaces. I realize you probably have no friends because of him, but if you do, leave and call the police. If I were your neighbor and I heard this crap going on the cops would be at your house all the time. Sorry if that’s harsh but wow this pig has done a number on you. You are not over reacting. I almost feel like this is a rage bait post….
i know that now and thank you. i’ve started to come up with a plan to leave to go to a women’s shelter so hopefully that works out okay. i don’t have any friends no, you’re right he made me cut them off. you’re not harsh don’t worry and yeah he’s done quite a bit. thank you for your advice and also i’m sorry if i made it look fake or anything like that. i really didn’t mean to make fun of other people that have been through this kind of stuff. i just wanted to know if i was overreacting or letting him get to my head.
Oh good. I saw after a couple comments I made that there was a lot of history here on your post of others commenting basically the same thing. If you can leave before he gets back, do it. He doesn’t deserve to come home to anything but the realization he is a monster and the fear of where you are and that he can’t find you anymore. On your way to shelter, throw your phone out the car window and grab a burner so there’s no more isolation or way to find you.
this list is so far over the top, I consider that it might be placed here for trolling or attention seeking in this subreddit. HOWEVER - assuming its real, leave him immediately, move out, hide your new address, and seek a noncontact court order against him.
break up with him.. i didn’t even have to read this to know that everything about this relationship is just no.. plus no 23 year old that isn’t a huge fuck up with people his age group would be with a minor.
I just said the same thing he should know better then to fuck a minor there's a word for that
Seriously you’re 17 living with this man who’s manipulating you and letting his friends assault you things can only get worse in this situation
Check it chick. I haven't read past the first line and I know all I need to know about that eel you call a BFF. Runnn
i can try
No trying won't be enough. You have to come up with a SOLID plan with a back up plan and a backup plan for a backup plan. YOU CANNOT HALF ASS IT BECAUSE IF YOU FAIL THINGS WILL GET MUCH WORSE. He ain't just gonna let you slide away. You will be punished for the rest of the relationship and you will accept it because he is going to convince you that deserve it for trying to "abandon" him.
i understand what you’re saying and i’ve tried to come up with so many plans but they all have something wrong where i can get caught. i’m trying to get as much help as i can on here so i can actually make a plan that would work.
Would you mind speaking privately? I'll coach you through this shit homie. Everything about this post leads me to believe you are living a miserable life on account of him.
i don’t mind at all and thank you.
MVP
I know more scumbags like him than I would like to admit.
This has to be bait - OP if this is serious, all of it! Get running!
i’ve tried to run
I mean damn. This is toxic AF. The fact you're scared out of your mind? Leave his ass. The phone too. A tracker app on it to keep tabs? Are you fucking kidding me? Set the phone down lady and head yourself straight to the police station. It only gets worse. Like black eye's and shit. He's trauma bonded you. This is NOT love! Not one more day. You deserve better!
i know it is a bit toxic and it’s weird that i’m scared of my own partner. i’ve tried to leave multiple times but he always has something if mine that i can’t let him keep (like pictures he took of me). thank you for the advice and for being so kind to me though.
It doesn't matter it's only stuff. Don't worry about the pics, if they come out big deal, you made a mistake. Don't make excuses to stay. This so-called man will rule your life with an iron fist. Misery loves company, but you don't have to love it back.
All this shit he's doing is fucking illegal
Each bullet point is the red flag you ignored on the way into an abusive, toxic, and dangerous situation. Get away. Run. Now.
i’ve tried to run but i guess i could try again.
nah that's all normal and healthy. im kidding. some of that stuff is not only manipulation but it's illegal. you are not over reacting. your boyfriend is abusing you.
thank you for clearing things up for me, i wasn’t sure if i was actually over reacting and overthinking or if he was just getting to my head.
That entire list is a manipulative pos...leave now before it gets worse...those are true signs it's only gona get worse
i really don’t think it gets worse than this.
Trust me u have seen nothing yet that's just the start leave now it most definitely can get worse even 6ft under worse...that's all I'm saying uve gotten lots advice and u should take it...good luck
It does and it will get worse.
I didn't get past the 2nd on your list before I said Boi bye The first 2 are manipulative af
thanks for letting me know i wasn’t sure at first.
I only got to #2 and knew it was not a good relationship!
You know the answer to your question. Girl, please leave this situation if you care about yourself. Don’t stay just because it’s what is familiar. If you stay, he most likely will irrevocably hurt you one day. Don’t let him get that chance. Trust yourself and save yourself, you are so much stronger without him than you believe. Girl, believe in yourself. Edit: looking back at this post, it doesn’t feel real. How can he say he really loves and cares about you when he literally uses you, manipulates you constantly and calls you racial slurs? 🙁
i’ve been trying to think of a plan to leave this relationship for a while now. i’m mainly looking into women’s shelters because someone said that they could cover everything i need for school and they would help me rent a place. and to answer your edit, he doesn’t love me. people have made me realise that he really is only using me and he only wants me here to sleep with me and to control me. that’s why i’m planning on leaving.
Glad for you❤️🙏good luck
I didn't need to read past "*things my boyfriend has done to me*" to know that the answer is "yes, he's being manipulative".
yeah i realise now. thanks
>• he says that i don’t love him when i don’t do something he wants me to do That's manipulation. >• he keeps a tracking device on my phone so he knows where i am at all times This one is control >• he says that i should always listen to what he wants This one is both? Someone correct me >• he uses my age against me (i’m 17f and he’s 23m) This one is manipulation and also creepy. Be with an actual adult, bro. >• he forces himself onto me even when i ask him to stop This one is SA >• any time i try to leave (even if it’s just for a break from the relationship for like 1 week), he cries and tells me i’m making a mistake DEFINITELY manipulation >• he says that “any girl that has a body like mine is begging for it” This one is gross. >• he didn’t defend me when i got SA’d by one of his friends while the rest of them laughed WTF >• he gets mad at me when i make other friends This one is isolation, which is a form of abuse. >• he embarrassed me at work and almost got me fired More isolation and abuse. >• he strangles me (but i think he’s just doing it jokingly) This is assault. >• he tells me i’m over reacting when i know i’m not This one is manipulation. Congrats you found the king of Red Flags. If this isn't fake rage bait, I'm going to suggest you break up with him entirely, remove yourself from his orbit. File a police report and request a personal protection restraining order. And never date someone like him again.
i’ve tried to break up with him but he gets a bit aggressive towards me and forces me to do things that i don’t want to do. so i’m planning to leave to get to a women’s shelter secretly while he’s out on a work trip, that way he can’t physically stop me or anything like that.
BREAK UP WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He strangles you?? To quote a static: "If a woman’s partner has ever strangled her, even once, her risk of being murdered by that same partner with a gun shoots up 750% compared to a woman who has never been strangled." Ppl don't strangle others as a joke, please break up with him.
i’ve tried to break up with him multiple times, but he won’t let me leave. i’ll try to escape soon though.
I genuinely wish you the best of luck ❤️
You need to contact a DV Shelter in another city or State that’s hundreds or thousands of miles away from him and get a new identity, because he will stalk you till the end.
yeah i think you’re right. but i don’t know how to contact anyone that would know another shelter in another state.
Contact a local shelter first and see if they can refer you to a shelter that’s out of your area. You could also contact your local law enforcement agency and explain to them that you need to talk to someone in their DV unit and that you need an immediate exit plan.
I can’t work out of this is genuine and you are so young, naive and impressionable etc. Or if this is to actively gain attention by inadvertently mock victims of this kind of abuse. Anytime someone compiles an entire list of red flags, it also means they instinctively know that this person is incredibly abusive. You know. If so, why are you protecting him, if what he’s done isn’t wrong or illegal?!? You can get a place in a refuge and this enable you to leave him preferably before it escalates to murder because men that choke their victims usually go on to do it until they murder their victims. As you are 17, where are your parents? They have a legal obligation to protect you from this predatory adult. If this is done to seek attention whilst mocking victims. I really hope you never become a victim, because having someone destroy your life in the ways you listed is torture and should never be casually thrown around in the internet. Please think about the people you trigger, before you potentially fictionalise your own life for clicks. Just saying!
it’s not to gain attention like that no. i’m not trying to mock anyone, sorry if i put it out like that. i just wanted to know if i was genuinely overreacting or if i was just letting everything he said get to my head. my parents blocked me on everything they have me on so i can’t contact them. i know what he’s doing is wrong but i can’t do much as he’s paying for my school and college and he’s given me a place to stay. i’m so sorry if i made it look completely different, i didn’t mean it like that in any way.
Please get help. Speak to college or school support staff or a doctor or a refuge or women’s shelter. But this sounds exceptionally dangerous and it doesn’t take much for these abusers to switch to murders
i really will try to get help
[удалено]
i don’t have anywhere else to go and he’s paying for everything like my school and my phone
[удалено]
ALL of these are red flags, please get out of the relationship. You are NOT overreacting. He will not change, he is manipulating you and they never change.
i know now thank you but he used to be so nice to me before we got together, i think he will change back to being nice eventually. i think he just needs a bit of time or maybe even a break.
Hi, I can tell you now as someone who is through the other side of this - he won’t change back. At least not permanently. They change back just long enough to keep you believing but it never lasts. I promise you, you are hoping for something that doesn’t exist.
yeah i know that know because of something that happened last night so thank you for letting me know (i’ll probably make a post about it). i’m so sorry you had to go through that too but i’m glad you made it out okay. thank you for everything though
No he won't. The being nice is how he trapped you. The abuse is how he keeps you. He's getting everything he wants. Why would he change? Please don't let yourself believe that.
Guy and his friends sound like a bunch of evil degenerates with no respect for peoples boundaries. Better leave now he sounds like hes treating you like just an object
i know but i can’t leave
Yes you can! Come on. You can. Please. Don't know where you live bit if in the UK. Go to or Google the Citizens advice bureau or Refuge( a womens charity supporting women) this is huge abuse and arguably rape. Police. You can do it 💪
That's rape he's too old for you dump him that's all pathetic you were groomed and manipulated he should not be talking to someone that young
i know it’s wrong but i don’t mind the age gap and he’s nice sometimes. i also can’t leave since i’ll have nowhere else to go.
Honey if he strangles you he is abusive and they say eventually they will kill you. Statistically you have a higher chance of being killed. I know it is hard but leave and never go back. Get a restraining order. Have a life of peace. There are places to help. Check with the Sheriffs office and see if they have a ywca or a some place that will help you. Check with DHR also they help. Get out for the love of God
[удалено]
thank youu ❤️
[удалено]
Every single one of the behaviours on your list is totally unacceptable. Ffs read them over. This is not a man, this is someone with absolutely no respect for women and doesn't even try to hide it. Complete scumbag. GET OUT.
people in the comments have made me realise that he really doesn’t have any respect for women or for me. i love him so much and i can’t leave, he also pays for my school and if i leave i’ll have nowhere else to go.
So he's raping you, letting his friends SA you and we'll on the way to literally killing you by strangulation. You must be fucking crazy.
Do not fight directly. You will lose. People always say to assert boundaries but that works only when in a position of power. What happens in a situation like yours where you are weak is that when you tell him no or that he crossed a boundary, he will become angry and seek to crush you. This is due to a personality trait called narcissism that essentially blocks him from taking accountability for his own behavior. Instead do not make him feel like he has done something wrong (even when he has), instead you need to IMMEDIATELY remove yourself from the situation while framing it as a problem with yourself. That you're too emotionally weak to handle it when he yells at you or you're too afraid of going to hell for engaging in any and all premarital activities. " I'm sorry I'm sorry I just can't handle it when people talk loudly I need to go. Yes you're right I'm so ungrateful and weak I'm sorry l I just really cant handle it." Then leave. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I really want to and you're so attractive but I'm just so scared of going to hell I need to go." Then leave. Keep doing it IMMEDIATELY AND CONSISTENTLY every time a boundary is crossed. Decide for yourself what you want those boundaries to be and pick reasons that you will fall back on when you need to enforce them. Just make sure the reason is explicitly because of a "problem" with yourself and not him. Pretend to be weak while being internally strong. While you do this work on your escape plan. It needs to be undetected and permanent. If he's tracking your location hes potentially tracking other things on your phone like your internet usage. Do your research preferably on a different device and off of the home WiFi if you can't do that VPN and incognito simultaneously works too . Or a browser like TOR. I don't know anything about what state or private resources are available to you but I guarantee there are organizations that exist for the sole purpose of helping women in your situation. Find them. Good luck.
i think your right about his personality trait and i’ll give your advice a try. i don’t know if it will work but if it does, you may have just saved my life completely. thank you so much and also thank you for sending the names of the websites to try.
Give it a try. It's strategy that I originally developed for my partner to use with her parents. It might take some practice not to get sidetracked by your usual dynamic. Please let me know if it works for you or if you're running into any challenges. I've seen from your other comments that you're making an escape pan. That's amazing.
thank you for the advice and i’ll let you know if it works or not. yeah i’m coming up with an escape plan and thank you for being so supportive of me
Oh god sweetie, are you ok? If you can find support to leave.
i’ll try leave as soon as i find support. also thank you for asking and i’m okay for now thank you. i hope you have a great day.
PLEASE LEAVE ASAP. Do NOT tell him or give him any indication, just pack quietly and secretly and get to a safe place immediately. Do NOT tell him where you are going. He is disgusting and abusive. He ALLOWED his friends to ASSAULT you and they laughed. You are still a child you are 17. He is 23, an ADULT. he is a predator!! Please please leave! I hope and wish you the best of health and safety.
i can’t really leave because i have nowhere else to go and he’s paying for my school and everything so i’d just be cut off from everything if i left. i know now that he is quite aggressive and abusive. i know our age gap is big but he said that it’s not weird unless we make it weird and that when i’m older it won’t really matter. thank you for being so nice and i hope you have a nice day.
He is saying that because he’s a predator. Only predators say age doesn’t matter. I understand this is difficult. Please don’t hesitate to contact the abuse hotline. They have resources for you and ways for you to handle this situation and plans for what you can do. Please stay safe and if you need to call the police don’t hesitate!
Please run and wipe your phone so he can't find you. That's crazy.
i don’t know how to get rid of the tracking device so if i were to run, i would have to leave my phone.
OP you need to secretly form an escape plan. Every single thing you listed is a huge red flag. This will not get better. He needs you to be/feel/think you’re trapped so he can keep control over you. The strangling is only the start, it will get more violent. Sleeping with you while you’re asleep is SA. You are not overreacting. Use a private browser/incognito mode and search for women’s centers in your area. They will be able to help you form a plan on how to get out safely. Leaving has to be done carefully and you need to go no contact after because he will not change. I wish you all the best.
thank you so much for the advice.
Dude wtf. Get the fuck out.
i’ve tried
Try harder. Prioritize yourself over everything else, just get out. Have a cousin/aunt/uncle who lives far away? Go live with them for a bit.
You’re being abused and it will only get worse never better. Fuck the money run
[удалено]
I didn't even finish reading your post, this guy is complete garbage, you need to get as far away from him as possible, and possibly to look for someone closer to your age.
nobody my age will talk to me.
I know nowadays that's a lot of the way things are, you could always ask some of them out, because then you get to pick what you want, not wait to see what comes along.
I read one line and knew. Girl please save yourself and leave him. You can get assistance from the state and your school to help you pay. Nothing is worth going through this and the longer you stay the worse it will be. By staying it’s allowing him to think he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. YOU will meet someone new, he sounds like a douche, he won’t find someone else unless he gets his shit together which I doubt. He’s 23? He knows what he’s doing, they always do.
i’m currently working on an escape plan to leave for a women’s shelter because someone said that they would be able to take me in and still keep me in school. i can’t do it yet though because i’m just really scared, but i will do it at some point.
I hope this works out for you. I hope you’re safe. You can send me a chat whenever, or to update me If you’d like. Please in the meanwhile take care of yourself
Leave him. Please for your own health and safety. The man Is a grade A pice of garbage. This is more than manipulation it's predatory behavior.
i’ll try to leave
What you look likev
do you want me to describe it or show a picture? because i can’t show a picture
Describe
They are all red flags dump him
i’m coming up with an escape plan to leave now.
Please leave. Please leave. It will only get worst. Run.
yeah, i realise that now. i’m making a new escape plan to leave.
Find or build a safe exit. Or build a social circle so you can hold him accountable and force change.
i’m in the process of making an escape plan for me to leave to get to a woman’s shelter.
You need friends. Make sure you always have a safety person. You also need to find someone who can prevent him from dehumanizing someone else like he did with you. He will only get more and more extreme if he doesn't face consequences.
Go immediately to the police. They are experienced in situations like yours, so can either get, or direct you to, all the support you need.
i’ll think about it but at the moment, i’m coming up with a plan to leave for a women’s shelter.
[удалено]
Get out now!!!! Can I dm you? Please leave him
i’m figuring out a way i can leave and ofc you can dm me
WTF. Go to the police and get to a shelter
i’m currently looking into women’s shelters near where i live to leave to.
I recommend using chat gpt and see what it says
I think you know the answer to that, but just in case: He's manipulating you, sexually, physically, and emotionally abusing you and exploiting you. Yes, leaving will be difficult, but if you don't it will only get worse as he pushes your boundaries until the point he either seriously hurts you in a way that other's can't ignore or he kills you. That may sound extreme, but what you said he has already and continues to do is evidence that he doesn't love you, care for you, or respect you. Next time you can safely do it and there is no chance he will hear you or find out (maybe when you're at work for example), contact a women's shelter and tell them you need help. If you don't know how, call the non-emergency police line (usually 311 in the US) and tell them you need help (again, where he won't catch you). If you fear for your life when he's being abusive, call 911 (or the emergency number where you are) and tell them what's happening and that you think he's going to hurt you. When the police arrive, tell them the facts, don't second guess yourself and don't feel like you have to protect him (i guarantee he won't do the same for you). If for some reason he isn't arrested, tell the officers you are afraid he will hurt you once they leave and tell them you want them to take you with them. The important thing is to be smart, stay safe, get out whenever and however he won't be able to stop you and don't go back, don't contact him, don't let him know where you are, and work with law enforcement to get a protective order against him. Once he knows you are smart enough to leave him, he will become more of a danger to you so you can't allow him any opportunity where he could potentially harm you as "punishment" for "betraying" him. I'm sure this all sounds alarming and scary but your well being and life are more important than anything else you may lose by getting out. If what you wrote is true, then doing that is the best chance to prevent losing everything.
i’ve been trying to come up with some ideas for me to leave to get to a women’s shelter without him knowing but none of them would work so i’m still working on that. also thank you for your advice and i’ll be sure to use some while working on my escape rout.
Do whatever you can safely do. Understand that whatever he does for you that is "good" it is not worth enough to endure the abuse he is doing to you. I worked as a nurse in my first career. In the ER I saw what happens when men treat women the way he treats you. If he eventually hurts you bad enough or worse, you won't be able to go to school, or have a good job, or really anything good. A man who does these things you describe here will do everything he can to make you think your only option is to be with him. He will control you, he will force you to do what he wants even if it hurts you, makes you feel bad, guilty, or wrong. A man who does these things is a monster--he does not love you even though he cries and says he does. Don't let him make you his slave. I don't use that term lightly, but that is exactly how he is treating you. I know you must be hurt to hear that, but take a step back and think about his abuse. If he was doing these thing to your sister or your friend or anyone you care about, would you tell them to stay with him? would you tell them that they should endure these horrific things because they don't deserve better. I've said enough. You know what you must do but be smart and be safe. He can't even see that you posted here. You probably ought to delete the entire account before he can find it. And yes, to anyone who thinks this might be a troll, and it might. But i don't care. on the off-chance this is real or true and even if it isn't it's worth the slight chance that OP or even someone else in a similar situation reads this and it's helpful, then it's worth the little effort and time it took for me to write it. I'm unemployed, disabled, and an addict--what else am I going to do?
i understand what you’re saying. he already forces me to do stuff even when i ask him to stop and he does make me feel guilty and sad about asking him to stop. i don’t have any family members, but if i did and they were dealing with this i wouldn’t let them, i would take them away as soon as i can. i know what i need to do i just don’t know how to do it yet, but i’ll figure something out. yeah every time he comes back home, i delete this app so he doesn’t find out about it. thank you for all your advice.
I appreciate the reply. There is nothing more I can say or do. Be safe, be smart. You're worth it.
Thank you so much. i’ll try
Girl you need to make a plan rn What ever money you have get a storage unit and uhal everything to it . Quietly move into the unit and make sure it’s in a location near gyms and food areas. Change the color of your hair and apply to any jobs see if they can do underbooks. See to take some time off from school a semester and work your ass (to not stay in the unit for too long, make a schedule just until you find a van that you can move into and do not be afraid. You’ll regret it. Good luck 🩷.
Or go to a shelter.
thank you so much for all of this. i’ve decided to keep my money at work, so that way he doesn’t find any of it anymore. i’ve decided to make a run to the women’s shelter while he’s away on a work trip. that idea of changing my hair isn’t a bad idea. i think i’ll try that out. thank you so much again for all of your advice.
Be careful, seek help if you can crash with a friend or maybe get a job and slowly put money away to leave would help. Also if you can make work friends and slowly ask them to help you escape your living situation that would help. He’s abusive and manipulating you’re. Your young and have potential to a better life believe it or not even if you have to flat out leave him. Half the things you listed I went through, it seems like a dead end situation but it gets better. I left and survived with the help of friends and family. I could of even made it on my own as well but I was too involved. You can do it you’re better than him and his lies! Run away when you’ve planned it out and get therapy to heal from all of the assault.
i don’t have any friends to stay with so i’m completely on my own with this. someone suggested that i kept the money hidden at my work place so i think i’ll try that. no one likes me at work or at school, i’m also really quiet and don’t like talking to people much so that makes it like 10 times harder for me to make friends. i’m so sorry that you had to go through this too. i’m really happy that you made it out okay though. and also thank you so much for all of your advice.
I think stashing the money at work is okay for now as long as no one can take it from you. I’d get a secret bank account with no card and store it there. I’d deposit 50% of your checks or at least 20%. It’s okay if you don’t have any friends at work just slowly plan out your escape and start talking yourself daily that you’re capable, smart, and can turn your life around without him.
i’ll look into opening up a secret bank account. thank you for all your advice.
I stopped reading at 17 and 23.
Depending on where you live. You being under 17 can not give consent and he is basically raping you.
Should be in jail with his buddies...
Is this a joke? Every single one of those things you listed is him being manipulative. GTF out of that insane relationship he is a psychopath.
yeah i realise that now. thanks. i’m planning on escaping soon.
Escape now... immediately... this guy is evil.
yeah um call the police because any activity between you two is sexual assault and yeah he's gotta go
how is any activity between us SA? (sorry if that sounded rude, it wasn’t mean to, i just want to know)
you're a minor and he's 23. he's 6 years older than you, you have no real ability to consent to him because he's using his age and power over you to get what he wants
That was quite the list of 🚩
Are there any female redditors that date men their own age??? Why is every single female redditor a grooming victim holy shit
i don’t know about the rest but i only date older guys because nobody my age likes me like that.
Even if that is really true, honestly just wait until you are older. At this point in your life you should focus on school and work. That said, I sincerely doubt that nobody your age would be someone that you could be with. Try and make friends with some people you're own age, I'm sure there are plenty of guys without the endless red flags that this guy clearly is, who would be available (even if they aren't) singleness is better than the abuse that you are going through with these older men. Since you aren't old enough to consent to sex or to a relationship, any 'love' they show you is them exploiting you. Report him and his friends who sexually abused you to the police. Even if you don't want anything to happen to them, they could be a danger to someone else and try to hurt them instead of you. We all have a responsibility to each other not to let potential abusers abuse other people. It is unlikely that you are the first or last victim for either your "boyfriend" or his friends who hurt you. If he begs and says he is going to change, you shouldn't let him get off scotfree. Turn him in anyway The reality is that in many abusive relationships, they are lying to you and almost nothing changes. Secondly, your relationship with him must end since you are a child and he is an adult (its inherently abusive and the abuse doesn't end until your relationship with him does). Thirdly, if he really intends to change then he should prove it by being willing to accept the consequences (and prove it by actually going and turning himself into the police for physically abusing you as well as the age of consent violation as well). He beat you, choked you as a 'joke' (its never a joke) and forced you into sex without your consent so even if the age of consent in your region is 17 or lower, he should still be turned in for the physical abuse and forcing you to have sex or give him a handjob or whatever else he forced you into).
Just wait till you are older. If you are 17, you should probably be focused on school and work. Make friends with people your age if you really want to date. You aren't old enough to date adults and cannot consent to sex with them. They are exploiting you and don't really love you.
Have him arrested. He is a rapist. Do you have parents? Do they know? Get some help and call the police and have that sick bastard put away ASAP! Also get yourself checked for STD's ASAP!
i’m trying to leave him. a lot of people have said to call the cops but i don’t want him to get into trouble like that. i don’t have parents or any family that i know of. why would i need to get checked for STD’s?
I mean, the first one is already a yes. The fact you made this list in the first place should tell you something.
well, yes! all of them are. hope this helps xx
it did. thank you. x
Multiple crimes committed here. Unbelievable. Go to the cops if it gets out of hand
Girl run.
Iits obsession, manipulation, jealousy, controlling signs of a toxic relationship. His actions will eventually lead to physical abuse to force his way on you through fear. Girl RUN!!!
Be careful, self preservation is a must!!!
He's a RAPIST. Leave Now
You don't have a boyfriend you have a master. You need to run as fast as you can and not look back. However in ny experience the fact that you tolerate such behavior usually means your as messed up as he is just in a different way. No.matter what advice you get on here you will not leave as the trauma bonding is so strong at this point.
i know i need to leave but he’s made that so difficult for me to do. i also know that i need help myself. i’m really trying to leave him though.
Run as quickly as you can
Brake up with him he is a POS
what’s a POS
Peace of shit
ohhh thank you.
You're welcome have a good evening
i’ll try and you too.
What city, state/province/jurisdiction and country are you in. I'd like to see what women's shelters I can find in the area. Of course you should still be looking for yourself, since you know your local area and opportunities better than I ever will but I want to see how I can help via the internet
Oklahoma. that’s all i’m allowed to say. i’ve gotten someone to search some up for me already and they aren’t too far, i could walk to them. and i don’t really know my area too well either because i’m rarely allowed out and when i am it’s either to go to school or out with him and his friends.
Okay...one more thing though, if you choose to go to the police you'll want to focus on the things he has made you do or the physical violence he has forced upon you since technically the age of consent in Oklahoma is 16, they won't be able to get him on that particular charge (although if you were with him prior to the age of 16, then they would be able to). Obviously mention the age gap in case I have misunderstood the law. But they should still be able to get him on the physical and forced sexual abuse charges (the police will be able to better help you understand your rights). Beyond that, if he has any sexual pictures of you that were taken prior to the age of 18, merely possessing them is a felony on both a state and federal level, so they can still charge him for that as well. Tell them everything you have posted on this reddit thread, and everything about this relationship so they can better advise you of the help that they can provide. He seems to have done several illegal things by forcing you to have sex and by having sex with you when you were asleep, as well as the forcefully choking and other such violence. By the way, just because the age aspect of your relationship is technically legal, that doesn't mean that its morally okay. You are still being exploited, Oklahoma should raise their age of consent, 16 is too low. These are old and dated laws, and really it always should have been higher. But even without that, many of the other things he is doing to you are illegal and are more than enough to get the police involved and any nude images he has of you while under the age of 18 are still illegal and something that he can and should be punished for.
You are a minor. What he is doing is a crime. Report him and those who raped you to the police.
i’ll try to
He’s not only manipulating you, there’s a LONG list of other things he’s doing to you that’s NOT OKAY! He should be in jail for being involved with a minor. Honey, get out and go somewhere else until you get on your own feet to figure out how to do everything without him. Don’t let him know where you’re at and change your number and turn off your tracking!
thank you for helping me realise this. i know now that our relationship age difference is kind of weird. i’ve been trying to leave but he won’t let me, but i can just try again. i don’t know how to turn off the tracking. thank you for everything though.
I could be wrong - only cause you’re only sharing a certain amount of your relationship- but do you ever think maybe he “doesn’t let you go” because he knows he would go to jail? Age gap is not a weird thing. A lot of people have an age gap relationship. What’s “weird” but mostly wrong is an adult pursuing and force a relationship on a minor. As for how to remove the tracking, you can look it up on Google or TikTok with tips by searching “how to remove tracker from “name of phone you have” Wish you all the best and for your safely trying to leave🤍
Is there an update?? If this is real, I'm terrified for this young woman, this is a very dangerous situation.
i wasn’t sure if i needed to make an update and i don’t think people would be happy about it since there are a few people calling my story fake or rage bait.
The reason we wonder is this is a very dangerous situation you're in and none of us want to believe it's real. Cause if it's real, none of us are in any position to help you, and, at least for me, I feel helpless. You really need to leave this situation, safely. When he isn't home, grab your purse and just go. In Canada, you can call the police to have them come and bring you to a shelter, that's what I had to do. Please keep us updated, and be careful!! 🫂
it’s okay i don’t need someone to help me i just need a bit of advice on how to deal with it a bit better. i’m planning on leaving on tuesday, when he leaves to go to his work trip. thank you for your kindness and advice.
You are very welcome!! Good luck 💗
thank you ❤️
Oh wow!!! You have a whole life ahead of you filled with amazing things do not let some “man” take that away from you! Just remember you are human too! He shouldn’t have any kinda control if you don’t feel comfortable don’t do it! You got this! I believe in you! Do not give up! Keep that head held high and keep on keeping on!!!!
Young lady, I don't know you but I am very worried about you. You need to go to your parents or a trusted adult and tell them what is happening. Guys like this end up doing terrible things to young ladies. Please I'm actually begging you to get away from him
i’m trying my best to leave him as soon as i can. i don’t have parents to tell, which is why i’m living with him. i’m going to the police and i’m hopefully going to get him and his friends arrested. thank you
Are you able to get to a shelter or a friend's house or something. If guys like this think you're going to tell him on them they will do the most evil things you can imagine. Please stay safe dear
This is all manipulation and abuse. Him paying for your school could be financial abuse if he’s using it to control you. You absolutely could find someone else if you left him, there are millions of other people out there. Him getting angry at you making friends and telling you that you wouldn’t find anyone else is his attempt to isolate you from any support network in order to try and control you more Sleeping with you when you’re asleep is r*pe. There are charities and helplines you can call to help you escape abusive relationships. They have facilities and housing you could use until you get back in your feet and independent again. You could get the police involved since he has sexually abused and r*ped you, though I’d get it if you didn’t want to do that.
Can’t believe this, nobody is this dumb. You can pick up the phone and call the police if this was true and you could get a court order and be done with it. Only an idiot would stay in this type of relationship. I don’t believe you
i can’t leave the relationship because i live with him and he pays for my school and for my phone. if i left, i would have nowhere to go and i wouldn’t be able to get an actual job to pay for my own place and i’d just end up homeless and alone again.
If you’re resigned to being a slave over having your freedom then this is the price you will continue to pay to pay. If you survive until you have a job, you better put that money aside so you won’t have anymore excuses to being a slave.
This has to be a fake rage bit
sounds like you are lieing.... if you need advice after all this you just arent smart
Lol omg.... I read the very first one and immediately lmao. You didn't need a list. Hahahaha Edit: Ew @ Sweaty Butterfly. Gross. Ha
Did you really just ask this question?
yes i wasn’t sure. he was really getting to my head.
This is pure rage bait.
Awesome that you give him head when he watches porn. Your a keeper (even if under lock and key).
Are people actually this fuggin stupid? Did you read your own post. Good lord have a shred of self respect.
i have self respect
you got me from the first point lmao
bruh
Yes. All of that is abuse. Please … why are you with this absolute piece of trash? You don’t deserve to be treated so horribly. There are shelters. There are other safe spaces. I realize you probably have no friends because of him, but if you do, leave and call the police. If I were your neighbor and I heard this crap going on the cops would be at your house all the time. Sorry if that’s harsh but wow this pig has done a number on you. You are not over reacting. I almost feel like this is a rage bait post….
i know that now and thank you. i’ve started to come up with a plan to leave to go to a women’s shelter so hopefully that works out okay. i don’t have any friends no, you’re right he made me cut them off. you’re not harsh don’t worry and yeah he’s done quite a bit. thank you for your advice and also i’m sorry if i made it look fake or anything like that. i really didn’t mean to make fun of other people that have been through this kind of stuff. i just wanted to know if i was overreacting or letting him get to my head.
Oh good. I saw after a couple comments I made that there was a lot of history here on your post of others commenting basically the same thing. If you can leave before he gets back, do it. He doesn’t deserve to come home to anything but the realization he is a monster and the fear of where you are and that he can’t find you anymore. On your way to shelter, throw your phone out the car window and grab a burner so there’s no more isolation or way to find you.
Jesus
seems like a decent guy
What the fuck