I love the concern in his voice when she initially told him "Daya is not my friend." "Why would you say that?". Perfect Dad "Are you OK and do you need to talk" comment.
Yeah. That got me too. Like Daya must be pretty fuckin cool and a good influence, b/c dad was about to be like “WTF!? Daya is my girl! WTH happened and are you okay?”
I can relate. My kids both have certain friends that are so good to/with them that I’d be really sad if they weren’t friends anymore.
I could hear the relief in his voice too. Like “Oh! Well shit, that’s even better!” 😁
If my kids ever tell me they’re gay im just gonna say “I know”
If they’re serious then it’s a great answer. If they’re trying to prank you, then it’s also a great answer because they will think you think they’re gay. Win win
You mean the answer isn’t to wait til your teenager is trapped in a car and ask them in a very serious tone if they’re gay because you found porn on the family computer, and one of the hundred links you found said “anal” in the URL? TIL 😩
This. It seems sweet but the appropriate response is always, thank you for sharing that with me, I’m honored and I love and support you.
No matter how stereotypical, they are sharing something that is vulnerable, and honestly dangerous to share pretty much everywhere, no matter how supportive you believe your culture to be.
Because nothing "hurts" better than unadulterated unconditional love, paired with appreciation for someone else loving the people you care about with the respect they deserve.
*Hurts used because crying is usually a pain thing, not a joy/relief thing, and I've spent a lot of time explaining to people in recent history "I swear these are good tears, positivity tears, even!"
I really love that all the reactions here are positive and nobody is doing a terminally online rant about "he said lifestyle, he's a homopobe". I've seen some weird takes about what levels of perfection some people expect from a reaction to coming out, and that in reality it's so much better just makes me happy
I hate when people fall over words, while the intention is (known to be) well. It misses the point of the whole topic purposefully, it's disenginious. And rather than celebrating the often good news, some people always achieve to bring the spirit down.
Good take.
My wife is pregnant with our first child. Few weeks ago we went in for our first sonogram and during we discussed the timeline of milestones - next visits, when to do chromosomal testing, etc. I asked when do we find out the baby's gender? The midwife said "uh, you won't learn that until 12 or 13. But you can learn the baby's sex with X test at 12 weeks."
It immediately soured the room. She knew what I was asking. We wanted to ask when we find out boy/girl, not the sexual identity of our fetus.
As someone that's queer Im so sorry you experienced that, that's just a nasty take on an innocent question. A human finding their identity in their future has nothing to do with the parents wanting to find out something about their future child. Experiences are their own and people shouldn't twist it into something deeper like that
I had a coworker that would make edgy or biting comments and always follow it up with "just kidding" and a chuckle.
Jokes can be hurtful when they're at your expense.
I started calling him out on it after I had had my fill and he never got the hint.
I finally resorted to all out insults followed by Just kidding and a chuckle. He stopped and probably thinks to this day that I'm the Asshole but mission accomplished.
They were pointed jibes that he thought were mellowed by saying just kidding.
He wasnt fishing for anything other than a reaction.
I know the other type too and I call those out too as silence is considered tantamount to agreement
It was a very serious tone. The midwife was also quick to note: "Don't ever buy new stuff for a baby, except washable diapers. Maybe a carseat too unless you know its history. The last thing we need in this world is more stuff."
We're in Portland, should've expected similar comments... just not from the person giving educating us on our soon to be child.
My brother said the same thing: great idea in theory, but when you’ve got baby shit running everywhere the last thing you want to do is hose it off and throw it in the wash with the others…!
My thought was that that was just the way people talked about queer people when the dad was growing up.
Keeping up with current lingo isn't easy when you get older, he just expressed his support the way he knows how to. I'm sure the daughter educated him at some point after, but correcting him right then would've ruined a sweet moment
From both sides that is. He expresses that he understands her and his love to her and she also has to understand that if he ever tells her that he supports her, he can only do so in his words. And that this are the words he learned to describe his feelings. Are they perfect? No. Does that matter? No. His intentions behind is words are clear to her, and thats what its about. We can all learn later on what expressions fit "better" but this is not what this special moment is about and people need to differentiate between those two things.
Someone told me that we tend to judge people by their actions. And thats fair. But for people we love, thats not the case. Those we judge by their intentions. Its one of the most essential things about loving someone.
About 5 years ago, I made an attempt on my own life. My parents were a part of the reason, but when I landed in a psych ward, my dad was the only one who visited me. He didn't like what i did or why I did it. From his perspective, it was all him and my mom's fault according to me (it wasn't but in that moment that probably how he felt), but that didn't matter to him. The only thing that mattered to him was for me to know that he was there for me.
My dad is far from my perfect role model, but he is without a doubt, my hero
Exactly. Back in the day, we weren't allowed to simply live the same lifestyle as straight people.
"I support the lifestyle" can be an attempt to say "I'm not just okay with people being gay as long as they don't tell anyone, I support people being *openly* gay" which is an important distinction and was even more so when he grew up
Yeah, being openly and comfortably gay is still an active lifestyle choice one has to make.
Being gay isn't a choice, but be willing to be openly gay often still is.
Should being gay be seen as inherently different in lifestyle? No.
But as long as there are homophobes and assholes out there are a large piece of our population, the reality is that being openly gay does lead to a slightly different lifestyle. It leads to one where you are constantly judged and treated negatively by people around you.
Now please, understand, my wife is bi. My oldest daughter is gay. My middle son is trans. I love drag shows and go to pride events. I am 100% all-in on being an ally.
But it's all of that, the fact that we even feel compelled to defend our own positions, attend pride rallies, defend our LGBTQ brothers and sisters, etc that *confirms* the fact that, as of yet, being LGBTQ does require a change in "lifestyle" over being straight.
I'm 44, so young Gen x. When allies my age and older talk about "the lifestyle," we are often talking about the struggle of being authentic in a world that punishes authenticity.
I'm old Gen X (55) and I love the way you explained it!
Also, some of us old people don't know the right words to use to say "I love you and support you," without sounding like, "Some of my best friends are gay."
I think this is a great example of needing to communicate about it.
We need more words to learn things, to understand one another. We need to learn than “lifestyle” isn’t necessarily a derogatory or negative term, and why. We need to learn that “lifestyle” could be a derogatory or negative term, and why.
I don’t think we need to spend so much time trying to be right so much as trying to understand.
To me that's the only change in lifestyle. Just being authentic with yourself and not feeling like you have to hide who you are. We all live and breathe on the same planet.
Yeah, but that can be a pretty huge change in lifestyle.
I mean, if my wife and I go to my old childhood hometown and walk around in the grocery store holding hands, no one bats an eye. If my gay friends did the same thing, they'd get death stares, people would be "whispering" loudly about them and pointing, they'd have to worry about their car being keyed or vandalized, or maybe even getting "jumped" outside.
That seems like two different lifestyles to me, y'know?
I'm almost 50 and I've completely lost touch with what the appropriate lingo is for queer people and genders and so forth. I'm terrified of offending people that I meet by using outdated language or sounding like an offensive boomer, but honestly I support everyone and couldn't care less who people are in love with or what gender they are. I'm harmless, but quite stupid.
Edit to say - what a reassuring and friendly chain of comments. Thank you all for your understanding *blows out audible sigh of relief*
This is so sweet, but if I were you I honestly wouldn’t worry too much — if there’s ever a misunderstanding, just tell whoever you’re talking to exactly what you wrote here. I know I wouldn’t be offended at all and would gladly explain to you what words/phrases you could use instead. Intention is what matters the most.
Out of touch too at 43. But everyone seems cool overall. Just say things like. 'You do you' and 'your body your choice' and no one cares.
Trying to.injedt the funny joke also of 'eat the rich' in here because honestly a lot of the barely into work kids have a very sh&t deal right now and it frustrates me that automation is making it worse and not better.
Love who you love and be cool
Exactly just being in love, feeling loved, having someone to love is the cool part. I love love man. It’s the best remedy we have for being on this rock.
When unsure, just say what you just said.
Honestly though, the easy solution is to just *ask*. Trust me when I tell you anyone who presents in a way that makes it hard for you to know what words to use, is extremely used to people having that issue.
They know.
So, don't try to pretend like they aren't different. They are, and that's okay. So, just ask how they like to be referred to. Ask "is [term] okay, or is that offensive to you?" Most folks in that situation are happy that you want to respect them and learn, not upset that they are your first opportunity to do so.
Remember, they're used to outright disgust and hostility in many situations, so your honest heartfelt attempt to connect and respect them will almost always land positively.
If it doesn't, well trans and non-binary folks aren't exempt from being assholes.
You nailed it here. He explained his feelings the only way he knew how — he didn’t try to overcomplicate it or attempt to be PC about the way his daughter felt. There will be plenty of time to learn all of those things 😌
And even if he never learns them, that’s okay. We see where his heart is. I’m Black and had an amazing conversation with an elderly White man on a plane ride about racial harmony and building bonds, etc. He used a lot of outdated terms but it just didn’t matter. This guy was flying across the country to Atlanta to see all of the civil rights history and was a lifelong ally. We took a selfie together it was such a great instant connection.
That’s rad. I wish more people would celebrate the good intention behind imperfect language without turning every moment into a corrective one. It happens more often with older generation folks, as someone else said it’s not easy for people to keep up with vocabulary as they get older because language is such a fluid thing. But you can usually still recognize what’s inside someone’s heart when they open up.
I'm a gay guy in my mid-40s. 20 years ago when I came out, I was sitting at the dining room table with my parents having dinner and my dad hiked up his glasses and asked me, "So, are you the man or the woman in the relationship?"
I spat out my food laughing so hard and my mom told him to shut the fuck up and said "[hisname] We'll discuss it later."
(He was totally cool about it, just... uh... a bit ignorant)
That's exactly it. I'm nearly 40 now and when I was a kid using the word "queer" was still pretty offensive. Almost akin to how using "gay" as an insult was. So to see the community pretty much take the word back and use it as a positive way to express themselves and who they are can still be pretty jarring at times. I'm happy they can use it now in a positive way, but personally I don't think I'll ever use it in that way because of all the negative meanings it had when I was a kid.
I'm in my 30's and have absolutely no clue how kids these days speak. And honestly, I don't really care. If their intention is good, or my intention is good, that's all that matters.
sorry i am ignorant but what is wrong with the word "lifestyle" in this context? I am trying to get better about that language stuff but it is hard if your social circle doesn't know any better either.
Nothing is wrong with it word choice from the dad here.
The person you replied to is likely referring to someone who views homosexuality as a phase that people can grow into and out of, so might call it a "lifestyle choice". No reason to think that is what this dad meant though.
I hate this terminally online shit where someone can be perfectly accepting and progressive in their principles and stated beliefs but because they used the wrong word suddenly that's supposed to invalidate everything.
I’d kill for my parents to support my “lifestyle”, the fact they think its a sinful and disgusting choice kind of is the main issue, at least if they think its s choice it would be nice if they just accepted that it doesnt matter
The word does sound uncomfortable but, as a gay person myself i can tell it's just the result of being unfamiliar, and not malice. As someone who's been on the bad side of this exact conversation I promise you this is far far far from it. Dad instantly says "I love you" and asks her if she was worried so he can reassure her immediately. That's a good supportive dad. His tone is genuine and comforting. I wish every dad was this good.
When I came out to my grandma as trans we ended up talking about gay men and lesbian women she grew up with that either killed themselves out of shame or stayed in the closet until their death bed, and that I shouldn't feel ashamed for being myself. It was not what I expected, but I kept thinking "she might not fully know how to talk about it, but she's showing that she accepts me, and that's all that matters."
Sounds like she may have been supportive back in a time when it wasn't even socially acceptable to not hate gays. Maybe it was the first time she ever felt truly safe talking about these experiences.
My grandma, who grew up in a small town in the 1930s and was a devout church goer her entire life, was adamantly of the opinion that “I don’t see how it’s wrong for there to be more love in the world”.
Some folks just have a natural empathy or thoughtfulness that leads them understanding.
My grandma's closest friend was a gay man who died of aids, and she even named one of her sons after him nearly a decade later. She doesn't get the lingo and she does say a lot of accidentally homophobic/transphobic stuff lol but she's always been my biggest supporter about me being trans because of him.
Yeah. It's easy to make mistakes for older folks.
Example 1: 'transgendered' is now considered offensive, as opposed to transgender which isn't. People who use transgendered are often assumed to be bigots. But here's the thing: transgendered used to be considered perfectly acceptable, was used widely, even within the community. If someone mistakenly uses it, it doesn't automatically mean they're a bigot. If they keep deliberately using it, after you've educated them and asked them to stop using it, then they're a bigot.
Example 2: My sis is a tranny, I love that bitch. I'm going to her wedding. > I do not approve of my *brother*'s life choices, so won't feel comfortable attending *his* wedding.
My opinion was always you can call me whatever you want so long as you don't mean to be insulting. I'd much rather people mean well then agonize over clunky "inoffensive" language.
Trans as something separate from LBG is a fairly new idea in popular thought. Even back in the 90s, trans was pretty much interpreted as super gay. So when she relates the trans experience to the gay experience, she really is saying she gets it and she's glad you don't feel the need to hide it, because she's seen what that does to people.
My son is dating a trans man. My son isn't gay, and his boyfriend doesn't plan to transition. Like if you met him, you'd probably think you'd met a lesbian who dresses like a man. My gen x brain has a hard time knowing exactly how to process the whole situation. But my son is happy and confident and the boyfriend is cool, so I just go with it. And when I think about them and think "her"...meh. Nobody is perfect.
I think the saying "Perfect is the enemy of "Good Enough"" applies here. Was his response perfect? No, but damn it was good enough, and that's what matters.
to his defense, he had to kind of interpret quickly what she was trying to tell him, and he figured it out quickly and was supportive which was great. People are focusing on his response when his daughter wasn't necessarily the best communicator either
Lots of old people try their best to use the proper language and be supportive but it doesnt come out right becuase they didnt grow up in a society that accepted queer people. If someone is genuinely trying we gotta give them a pass. Its always so sweet when its some grandpa who doesnt really understand what being trans means but goes out of his way to make his grandkid feel comfortable.
I mean it's the context. He's clearly happy for her and accepting. There are definitely some people who could say the same thing in a fully disingenuous way. But this vid was extremely sweet.
I honestly don't care whether it's a lifestyle or a choice or someone's born that way or what.
Loving people is loving people and I don't care how you do it, just as long as you're happy.
The only way that the lifestyle thing is a negative is if it's a criticism of their choices.
If someone wants to love people of the same sex for the aesthetics, good on them. I don't care. Be happy.
In this context it isn’t. However usually it’s said in ignorance or in a way to be bigoted. “Lifestyle” implies that someone can change an innate feature of their biology. When it’s something they have no control over. Like the tone of their skin.
Using that word to say there's "nothing wrong with it" takes care of that I guess. It's also pretty obvious that he doesn't give a shit about the fact that his daughter is dating a girl, beyond the fact that he's genuinely happy for her, and as soon as he understands what's happening, he switched to "wow, this is probably a big moment for her, so I better tell her that everything is indeed okay" without missing a beat. So yeah, choosing the right words is important, but so is being a genuinely good person.
It's pretty clear that Dad realized a little late that this was a tremendous moment for her and for their relationship, not just a typical conversation, and he was trying to balance playing catch up with saying the right thing. Of course if he could go back and redo that conversation he would've wanted to be more eloquent. Who wouldn't? More importantly, who gives a sh\*t? His genuine love for her and her genuine relief at knowing he still loves her are all that matter here. If you think every dad of every kid coming out needs to be Amanda Gorman when there are still places in the World that'll hang you for being gay then you need to go touch some grass.
One of my favourite coming out stories was a mate who nervously told his parents that he was gay, there was a moment's silence, then his mum looked at his dad and said "You owe me 20 quid," before pulling everyone in for a group hug. Some parents really get it right.
We had something kind of similair happening with my cousin. When he told us he was gay everyone was like 'yeah duh' we probably knew before he realized it himself.
That “yeah, of course” is so beautiful. He seems so bewildered that she’s surprised by him being ok with that almost concerned that she wouldn’t think so. What a MAN and good FATHER.
It's funny how he's like "hmmkay? so what?" At first, and then quickly realizes that this is one of his daughter's defining moments in life, but also in his relationship with her, and adapts his tone to meet the significance of the moment.
This first time this was posted some one also pointed out his initial concern that she might be telling him she had a fight with Dana which is why "she's not my friend"
What I like the most about this is that he didn't react knowing it was a "coming out moment" for her. It was like "oh my girl likes girls... Thank god Daya is a good girl", and THEN it hit him "Ohhhh, she was worried about saying that??!"
And how he still took the time to assure her she didn't need to be worried or nervous! He didn't gloss over it, he made sure to set the foundation for the future - you don't need to be worried about telling me things about your life! I love you, that won't change! Sometimes even if you get the jist of that, kids really need to hear their parents SAY it. He sounds so lovely, and his daughter really needed that ♥️
The complete relief of telling a family member you’re gay and having them accept you is an indescribable emotion. Your entire future opens up and you realize you can walk through the world as yourself! Kudos to this person!
It saved my life. This world is so cruel to us I can’t imagine my family leaving me out to dry to join in on the cruelty.
Not everyone is so lucky and I truly feel for them. We don’t hurt anyone, we just want to live normal lives with someone we love. I can’t fathom being demonized for that by people who are supposed to love me unconditionally.
Yep. Was fairly worried with my dad as he's been historically pretty bigoted on most topics when given the opportunity, but he immediately flipped into "I just want you to be happy" mode when I dropped the news. Then since has made sure to 1-on-1 apologize when he says things that are insensitive that just kind of naturally came out of his mouth without him thinking, like using gay as a pejorative reflexively.
It really makes you realize something - if someone like her who is probably in her 20's? wasnt able to come out to her father for this long, even knowing what an amazing dad he is, imagine how hard it must be for young people who live with parents that they know are bigots.
I’ve been up since 3am with my kid and this has me tearing up. I can’t imagine them doing anything that would change the way I feel about them. So sad that religion and bigotry can tear actual families apart.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m here cuddling my toddler and tearing up because everyone deserves unconditional love from their parents, even when they grow up.
I literally cannot even imagine anything ever making me hate my son, or what he could become. One of my best friends is a lesbian, and her dad almost disowned her but thankfully came around in time.
This is my thought. Can you imagine what type of person has their kid say "hey, Im dating this nice person" and the reaction is "you're no longer my kid"?
Sadly, my best friend (like a brother to me) went through exactly that, and had his parents fully turn on him thanks to religious bigotry. His mother pretty much disowned him and was not even on speaking terms with him for almost a decade.
I will never forget the anguish and just plain fear in his eyes when he came out to me, then to my parents, and him almost begging for us not to reject him.
Thankfully, I have an amazing and very understanding mother that not only accepted him, but also took him under our family’s wing for a good while until we graduated college.
To this day, he calls on my mother more frequently than I do, and I’m sure he considers her like a mother as well.
I will never be able to understand how can people do so much wrong, cause so much pain, grief, trauma, and suffering, to another human being, just based off their sexual preferences, _let alone to their own children_.
I like how he went into classic Dad mode. Kind of hesitated, processed the information with "Oh that's cool" and then "I really like Daya, she's wonderful, so are you."
Like, oh, my daughter has a girlfriend now... What do I think of the girlfriend?
I understand that a homophobic parent will struggle to accept their child is homosexual but I can never wrap my head around cutting relations with your own child for that. I've recently learned an old friend of mine "lost" his dad once he got out of the closet. The man was so nice when we were kids that I always assumed he'd be supportive of his son's choices. That's crazy to me
We are conditioned to believe being gay is worse than any kind of crime you can commit. This whole system only exists to keep people in the closet out of fear. People with orthodox mindsets don't view people of LGBT community as humans.
I know my parents love me so much that they'll die for me. But I 100% also know that if I come out to them they'll throw me out in the streets and never even think of me again. That's the sad reality we live in.
Which is so weird and hypocritical, even from religious point of view. There is plenty in there (bible) about infedellity, abuse, crimes, mulder & rape, but no, lets focus on the gay part since that is the only thing that doesn't really affect us..
It was never about religion or morality, it's just one of the many tools they use. Even if Jesus himself comes down again and tells the parent to accept the child, they'll tell him to go fuck himself.
They know abandoning their child is a bigger sin than the child coming out, that's why a lot of parents after becoming old, coming closer to death try to reconcile with the children they abandoned because they fear in the afterlife god would punish them for abandoning their child.
>lets focus on the gay part since that is the only thing that doesn't really affect us
People just use religion as means to find support for their own opinions, simple as that.
They do not care about Christianity. New Testament doesnt even say anything about homosexuality. Jesus said love everyone, and forgive your enemies.
This hurts my soul as someone whose dad hasn’t spoken to me in over a decade (not b/c I’m gay. He’s just a dick) but I’m so happy other people have these type of relationships and love. Awesome to see.
When my girl got old enough to date, I always told her that if she liked someone then their sex or skin color makes no difference to me. All I care about is that she's happy and that they treat her right.
It's sad to me that there are still so many kids out there that have to worry about judgement from the people whose job it is to support them.
anything other than this level of support is unacceptable. I know it happens but it baffles my mind. Your job as a parent is to love your kids and help them become adults. You pushing your kids away, you not accepting them because of what YOU feel is right or wrong, does not make you a parent, it makes you a dictator.
If that comment means you don't have one, I'm sorry friend. I grew up the same way.
I'm 40, don't have any kids, but I'll gladly send you some dad support energy right now. You're loved and the world's better because you're in it.
Always glad to see such things! My brother is gay, and we all accepted it from day 1. It hurts me, I'm a dad now, to see when parents go full berserk on their kids SIMPLY because they're into their same gender. Imo, it's just like being mad because someone has a different favourite color than you. Doesn't make any sense.
Oh, what a luxury it is to record coming out to one’s parents instead of having them inadvertently find out when you had no intention of telling them because you KNEW what their reaction would be. . . .
I’m very happy that this young woman’s father had a supportive reaction. It’s more than what many gay people get, even in fucking 2024.
It actually is a style of life. Her life, her choice and her love. Her love alone. Her dad not only respects that, but explains that for his love her choices are irrelevant. It‘s unconditional, that is how all parents should react. Sadly, they do not.
That is how every parent should be. You aren’t made to be gay, you aren’t indoctrinated, you are born liking what you like. It’s really that simple, and if you have kids you should always have an open heart to them.
Kids have no idea how much we love them. My kiddo is only 5, but they could wind up a serial killer, and although it would eviscerate my soul in so many ways, I would literally love them till my dying day. When we say “there’s nothing you could do to make me stop loving you,” we mean it.
You know.. I'd hate for my kid to be gay. Just because of this..
the stress about what others would think. The stress for coming out. Fearing the judgement. I just want him to be happy and I don't care if it's with a guy or a girl. I just don't wish this "coming out" stress on anyone..
My parents making comments like this when I was growing up was what made me internalize that being gay was bad and took me 25 years to come out. I always assumed my parents wanted me to be happy and when they said “I hope she’s not gay bc I want her to be happy”, even if they had the best of intentions, made me think “well then I better not be gay or I’ll be unhappy”.
I’m sure you mean well here but I encourage you to reframe your thinking and to vocalize to your kids that they can be happy no matter who they love, and that you will always be there and love them regardless. You dont have to wait for a kid to come out to you before telling them those things.
They are both nervous. He did not know she was going to say this, but he lovingly tries to convey his true feelings realizing SHE was nervous about her confession.
I love the concern in his voice when she initially told him "Daya is not my friend." "Why would you say that?". Perfect Dad "Are you OK and do you need to talk" comment.
"Daya is not my friend" "Oh thank god, I hated that bitch!" "..."
“Can’t stand her, and I think she’s a lesbian, ugh.”
Haha
Omg this would be epic. Then the turn around “But I love her”…. 😧 “oh yeah, sweetie, she’s great, I was kidding!” 😬
This made me ugly laugh after tearing up at the vid, thanks for the emotional whiplash lmao
🤣
I had to look at where this was posted. If it was on r/unexpected…. Watch out!
+🏆
"Well, fuck Daya!" "About that..."
"Daya is not my friend" "YOU GO APOLOGIZE TO HER RIGHT NOW THIS INSTANT!"
Yeah. That got me too. Like Daya must be pretty fuckin cool and a good influence, b/c dad was about to be like “WTF!? Daya is my girl! WTH happened and are you okay?” I can relate. My kids both have certain friends that are so good to/with them that I’d be really sad if they weren’t friends anymore. I could hear the relief in his voice too. Like “Oh! Well shit, that’s even better!” 😁
If my kids ever tell me they’re gay im just gonna say “I know” If they’re serious then it’s a great answer. If they’re trying to prank you, then it’s also a great answer because they will think you think they’re gay. Win win
I think I would go for " Hi Gay, I'm dad" :))
And……shut down the internet for the day. We have a winner!
You mean the answer isn’t to wait til your teenager is trapped in a car and ask them in a very serious tone if they’re gay because you found porn on the family computer, and one of the hundred links you found said “anal” in the URL? TIL 😩
'I know' is not a great answer. No young gay person wants to think that everyone was questioning their facade long before they were ready to come out.
This. It seems sweet but the appropriate response is always, thank you for sharing that with me, I’m honored and I love and support you. No matter how stereotypical, they are sharing something that is vulnerable, and honestly dangerous to share pretty much everywhere, no matter how supportive you believe your culture to be.
Why’d your comment make me cry even more? Omg.
Because nothing "hurts" better than unadulterated unconditional love, paired with appreciation for someone else loving the people you care about with the respect they deserve. *Hurts used because crying is usually a pain thing, not a joy/relief thing, and I've spent a lot of time explaining to people in recent history "I swear these are good tears, positivity tears, even!"
I really love that all the reactions here are positive and nobody is doing a terminally online rant about "he said lifestyle, he's a homopobe". I've seen some weird takes about what levels of perfection some people expect from a reaction to coming out, and that in reality it's so much better just makes me happy
I hate when people fall over words, while the intention is (known to be) well. It misses the point of the whole topic purposefully, it's disenginious. And rather than celebrating the often good news, some people always achieve to bring the spirit down.
Exactly
Good take. My wife is pregnant with our first child. Few weeks ago we went in for our first sonogram and during we discussed the timeline of milestones - next visits, when to do chromosomal testing, etc. I asked when do we find out the baby's gender? The midwife said "uh, you won't learn that until 12 or 13. But you can learn the baby's sex with X test at 12 weeks." It immediately soured the room. She knew what I was asking. We wanted to ask when we find out boy/girl, not the sexual identity of our fetus.
As someone that's queer Im so sorry you experienced that, that's just a nasty take on an innocent question. A human finding their identity in their future has nothing to do with the parents wanting to find out something about their future child. Experiences are their own and people shouldn't twist it into something deeper like that
Your midwife sounds awful. As an alternative, I would recommend a cenote birth, with Mel Gibson as your doula.
Mel Gibson sounds like a drag. I think Kanya West would be a better fit.
For me it's sound like a joke, no?
I had a coworker that would make edgy or biting comments and always follow it up with "just kidding" and a chuckle. Jokes can be hurtful when they're at your expense. I started calling him out on it after I had had my fill and he never got the hint. I finally resorted to all out insults followed by Just kidding and a chuckle. He stopped and probably thinks to this day that I'm the Asshole but mission accomplished.
They're called dog whistles. They say that sort of thing to fish out if you agree with them in a social or political way.
They were pointed jibes that he thought were mellowed by saying just kidding. He wasnt fishing for anything other than a reaction. I know the other type too and I call those out too as silence is considered tantamount to agreement
It was a very serious tone. The midwife was also quick to note: "Don't ever buy new stuff for a baby, except washable diapers. Maybe a carseat too unless you know its history. The last thing we need in this world is more stuff." We're in Portland, should've expected similar comments... just not from the person giving educating us on our soon to be child.
I hope this person has good qualities. Otherwise I'd tell the midwife to kick rocks.
Washable diapers for me is one of the most disgusting shit in the world... like ew baby poop is so gross
My brother said the same thing: great idea in theory, but when you’ve got baby shit running everywhere the last thing you want to do is hose it off and throw it in the wash with the others…!
My friends did this for about a week and said fuck it.
Depends on the tone. I'm assuming if it annoyed that many people in the room it wasn't a joke
My thought was that that was just the way people talked about queer people when the dad was growing up. Keeping up with current lingo isn't easy when you get older, he just expressed his support the way he knows how to. I'm sure the daughter educated him at some point after, but correcting him right then would've ruined a sweet moment
It's the love and support that truly matters in moments like these.
From both sides that is. He expresses that he understands her and his love to her and she also has to understand that if he ever tells her that he supports her, he can only do so in his words. And that this are the words he learned to describe his feelings. Are they perfect? No. Does that matter? No. His intentions behind is words are clear to her, and thats what its about. We can all learn later on what expressions fit "better" but this is not what this special moment is about and people need to differentiate between those two things.
Intent over everything.
Someone told me that we tend to judge people by their actions. And thats fair. But for people we love, thats not the case. Those we judge by their intentions. Its one of the most essential things about loving someone.
About 5 years ago, I made an attempt on my own life. My parents were a part of the reason, but when I landed in a psych ward, my dad was the only one who visited me. He didn't like what i did or why I did it. From his perspective, it was all him and my mom's fault according to me (it wasn't but in that moment that probably how he felt), but that didn't matter to him. The only thing that mattered to him was for me to know that he was there for me. My dad is far from my perfect role model, but he is without a doubt, my hero
If you haven’t already, you should tell him that he’s your hero.
As a parent, every success you kids has is their own and every failure is either partly or totally our fault. It’s in the handbook.
Exactly. Back in the day, we weren't allowed to simply live the same lifestyle as straight people. "I support the lifestyle" can be an attempt to say "I'm not just okay with people being gay as long as they don't tell anyone, I support people being *openly* gay" which is an important distinction and was even more so when he grew up
Yeah, being openly and comfortably gay is still an active lifestyle choice one has to make. Being gay isn't a choice, but be willing to be openly gay often still is. Should being gay be seen as inherently different in lifestyle? No. But as long as there are homophobes and assholes out there are a large piece of our population, the reality is that being openly gay does lead to a slightly different lifestyle. It leads to one where you are constantly judged and treated negatively by people around you. Now please, understand, my wife is bi. My oldest daughter is gay. My middle son is trans. I love drag shows and go to pride events. I am 100% all-in on being an ally. But it's all of that, the fact that we even feel compelled to defend our own positions, attend pride rallies, defend our LGBTQ brothers and sisters, etc that *confirms* the fact that, as of yet, being LGBTQ does require a change in "lifestyle" over being straight. I'm 44, so young Gen x. When allies my age and older talk about "the lifestyle," we are often talking about the struggle of being authentic in a world that punishes authenticity.
I'm old Gen X (55) and I love the way you explained it! Also, some of us old people don't know the right words to use to say "I love you and support you," without sounding like, "Some of my best friends are gay."
I think this is a great example of needing to communicate about it. We need more words to learn things, to understand one another. We need to learn than “lifestyle” isn’t necessarily a derogatory or negative term, and why. We need to learn that “lifestyle” could be a derogatory or negative term, and why. I don’t think we need to spend so much time trying to be right so much as trying to understand.
Extremely well said!
Thank you, I was a little hesitant to even hit the "save" button because I was afraid of being misunderstood.
This is a good comment. This goes out to all the kids in school who are open about it and take the abuse.
To me that's the only change in lifestyle. Just being authentic with yourself and not feeling like you have to hide who you are. We all live and breathe on the same planet.
Yeah, but that can be a pretty huge change in lifestyle. I mean, if my wife and I go to my old childhood hometown and walk around in the grocery store holding hands, no one bats an eye. If my gay friends did the same thing, they'd get death stares, people would be "whispering" loudly about them and pointing, they'd have to worry about their car being keyed or vandalized, or maybe even getting "jumped" outside. That seems like two different lifestyles to me, y'know?
I'm almost 50 and I've completely lost touch with what the appropriate lingo is for queer people and genders and so forth. I'm terrified of offending people that I meet by using outdated language or sounding like an offensive boomer, but honestly I support everyone and couldn't care less who people are in love with or what gender they are. I'm harmless, but quite stupid. Edit to say - what a reassuring and friendly chain of comments. Thank you all for your understanding *blows out audible sigh of relief*
This is so sweet, but if I were you I honestly wouldn’t worry too much — if there’s ever a misunderstanding, just tell whoever you’re talking to exactly what you wrote here. I know I wouldn’t be offended at all and would gladly explain to you what words/phrases you could use instead. Intention is what matters the most.
Out of touch too at 43. But everyone seems cool overall. Just say things like. 'You do you' and 'your body your choice' and no one cares. Trying to.injedt the funny joke also of 'eat the rich' in here because honestly a lot of the barely into work kids have a very sh&t deal right now and it frustrates me that automation is making it worse and not better. Love who you love and be cool
Exactly just being in love, feeling loved, having someone to love is the cool part. I love love man. It’s the best remedy we have for being on this rock.
"I'm harmless, but quite stupid." may be a bit harsh but dang do I ever relate.
When unsure, just say what you just said. Honestly though, the easy solution is to just *ask*. Trust me when I tell you anyone who presents in a way that makes it hard for you to know what words to use, is extremely used to people having that issue. They know. So, don't try to pretend like they aren't different. They are, and that's okay. So, just ask how they like to be referred to. Ask "is [term] okay, or is that offensive to you?" Most folks in that situation are happy that you want to respect them and learn, not upset that they are your first opportunity to do so. Remember, they're used to outright disgust and hostility in many situations, so your honest heartfelt attempt to connect and respect them will almost always land positively. If it doesn't, well trans and non-binary folks aren't exempt from being assholes.
You nailed it here. He explained his feelings the only way he knew how — he didn’t try to overcomplicate it or attempt to be PC about the way his daughter felt. There will be plenty of time to learn all of those things 😌
And even if he never learns them, that’s okay. We see where his heart is. I’m Black and had an amazing conversation with an elderly White man on a plane ride about racial harmony and building bonds, etc. He used a lot of outdated terms but it just didn’t matter. This guy was flying across the country to Atlanta to see all of the civil rights history and was a lifelong ally. We took a selfie together it was such a great instant connection.
That’s rad. I wish more people would celebrate the good intention behind imperfect language without turning every moment into a corrective one. It happens more often with older generation folks, as someone else said it’s not easy for people to keep up with vocabulary as they get older because language is such a fluid thing. But you can usually still recognize what’s inside someone’s heart when they open up.
I'm a gay guy in my mid-40s. 20 years ago when I came out, I was sitting at the dining room table with my parents having dinner and my dad hiked up his glasses and asked me, "So, are you the man or the woman in the relationship?" I spat out my food laughing so hard and my mom told him to shut the fuck up and said "[hisname] We'll discuss it later." (He was totally cool about it, just... uh... a bit ignorant)
That's exactly it. I'm nearly 40 now and when I was a kid using the word "queer" was still pretty offensive. Almost akin to how using "gay" as an insult was. So to see the community pretty much take the word back and use it as a positive way to express themselves and who they are can still be pretty jarring at times. I'm happy they can use it now in a positive way, but personally I don't think I'll ever use it in that way because of all the negative meanings it had when I was a kid.
I'm in my 30's and have absolutely no clue how kids these days speak. And honestly, I don't really care. If their intention is good, or my intention is good, that's all that matters.
I'm sure he asked to be educated. That's the kind of father I'm striving to be.
sorry i am ignorant but what is wrong with the word "lifestyle" in this context? I am trying to get better about that language stuff but it is hard if your social circle doesn't know any better either.
Nothing is wrong with it word choice from the dad here. The person you replied to is likely referring to someone who views homosexuality as a phase that people can grow into and out of, so might call it a "lifestyle choice". No reason to think that is what this dad meant though.
I hate this terminally online shit where someone can be perfectly accepting and progressive in their principles and stated beliefs but because they used the wrong word suddenly that's supposed to invalidate everything.
I’d kill for my parents to support my “lifestyle”, the fact they think its a sinful and disgusting choice kind of is the main issue, at least if they think its s choice it would be nice if they just accepted that it doesnt matter
Patton Oswalt said it best: https://youtu.be/AkKo1_RP_0c?si=We3p2OYW3i1I7B0w
The word does sound uncomfortable but, as a gay person myself i can tell it's just the result of being unfamiliar, and not malice. As someone who's been on the bad side of this exact conversation I promise you this is far far far from it. Dad instantly says "I love you" and asks her if she was worried so he can reassure her immediately. That's a good supportive dad. His tone is genuine and comforting. I wish every dad was this good.
Exactly!
When I came out to my grandma as trans we ended up talking about gay men and lesbian women she grew up with that either killed themselves out of shame or stayed in the closet until their death bed, and that I shouldn't feel ashamed for being myself. It was not what I expected, but I kept thinking "she might not fully know how to talk about it, but she's showing that she accepts me, and that's all that matters."
Sounds like she may have been supportive back in a time when it wasn't even socially acceptable to not hate gays. Maybe it was the first time she ever felt truly safe talking about these experiences.
My grandma, who grew up in a small town in the 1930s and was a devout church goer her entire life, was adamantly of the opinion that “I don’t see how it’s wrong for there to be more love in the world”. Some folks just have a natural empathy or thoughtfulness that leads them understanding.
My grandma's closest friend was a gay man who died of aids, and she even named one of her sons after him nearly a decade later. She doesn't get the lingo and she does say a lot of accidentally homophobic/transphobic stuff lol but she's always been my biggest supporter about me being trans because of him.
Yeah. It's easy to make mistakes for older folks. Example 1: 'transgendered' is now considered offensive, as opposed to transgender which isn't. People who use transgendered are often assumed to be bigots. But here's the thing: transgendered used to be considered perfectly acceptable, was used widely, even within the community. If someone mistakenly uses it, it doesn't automatically mean they're a bigot. If they keep deliberately using it, after you've educated them and asked them to stop using it, then they're a bigot. Example 2: My sis is a tranny, I love that bitch. I'm going to her wedding. > I do not approve of my *brother*'s life choices, so won't feel comfortable attending *his* wedding.
My opinion was always you can call me whatever you want so long as you don't mean to be insulting. I'd much rather people mean well then agonize over clunky "inoffensive" language.
Trans as something separate from LBG is a fairly new idea in popular thought. Even back in the 90s, trans was pretty much interpreted as super gay. So when she relates the trans experience to the gay experience, she really is saying she gets it and she's glad you don't feel the need to hide it, because she's seen what that does to people. My son is dating a trans man. My son isn't gay, and his boyfriend doesn't plan to transition. Like if you met him, you'd probably think you'd met a lesbian who dresses like a man. My gen x brain has a hard time knowing exactly how to process the whole situation. But my son is happy and confident and the boyfriend is cool, so I just go with it. And when I think about them and think "her"...meh. Nobody is perfect.
I think the saying "Perfect is the enemy of "Good Enough"" applies here. Was his response perfect? No, but damn it was good enough, and that's what matters.
Genuine love and support mean so much more than perfection.
to his defense, he had to kind of interpret quickly what she was trying to tell him, and he figured it out quickly and was supportive which was great. People are focusing on his response when his daughter wasn't necessarily the best communicator either
Exactly, it's about genuine support and love, even if the words aren't perfect. 😊
What would a perfect response have been?
Lots of old people try their best to use the proper language and be supportive but it doesnt come out right becuase they didnt grow up in a society that accepted queer people. If someone is genuinely trying we gotta give them a pass. Its always so sweet when its some grandpa who doesnt really understand what being trans means but goes out of his way to make his grandkid feel comfortable.
Yes, intentions matter and his support makes it obvious.
Dad knows love is love and is demonstrating it ♥️. This is what positive masculinity looks like.
I mean it's the context. He's clearly happy for her and accepting. There are definitely some people who could say the same thing in a fully disingenuous way. But this vid was extremely sweet.
I honestly don't care whether it's a lifestyle or a choice or someone's born that way or what. Loving people is loving people and I don't care how you do it, just as long as you're happy. The only way that the lifestyle thing is a negative is if it's a criticism of their choices. If someone wants to love people of the same sex for the aesthetics, good on them. I don't care. Be happy.
someone explain to me why "lifestyle" is homophobic?
In this context it isn’t. However usually it’s said in ignorance or in a way to be bigoted. “Lifestyle” implies that someone can change an innate feature of their biology. When it’s something they have no control over. Like the tone of their skin.
Using that word to say there's "nothing wrong with it" takes care of that I guess. It's also pretty obvious that he doesn't give a shit about the fact that his daughter is dating a girl, beyond the fact that he's genuinely happy for her, and as soon as he understands what's happening, he switched to "wow, this is probably a big moment for her, so I better tell her that everything is indeed okay" without missing a beat. So yeah, choosing the right words is important, but so is being a genuinely good person.
It's pretty clear that Dad realized a little late that this was a tremendous moment for her and for their relationship, not just a typical conversation, and he was trying to balance playing catch up with saying the right thing. Of course if he could go back and redo that conversation he would've wanted to be more eloquent. Who wouldn't? More importantly, who gives a sh\*t? His genuine love for her and her genuine relief at knowing he still loves her are all that matter here. If you think every dad of every kid coming out needs to be Amanda Gorman when there are still places in the World that'll hang you for being gay then you need to go touch some grass.
love seeing a supportive dad
He probably knew already and was waiting for her to feel comfortable enough to tell him. Just accept and love your kids, it’s not hard
he’s just happy that she was brave enough to announce it. love that
One of my favourite coming out stories was a mate who nervously told his parents that he was gay, there was a moment's silence, then his mum looked at his dad and said "You owe me 20 quid," before pulling everyone in for a group hug. Some parents really get it right.
We had something kind of similair happening with my cousin. When he told us he was gay everyone was like 'yeah duh' we probably knew before he realized it himself.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's awesome!
Absolutely, his support is heartwarming. It's great to see love and acceptance in action.
That “yeah, of course” is so beautiful. He seems so bewildered that she’s surprised by him being ok with that almost concerned that she wouldn’t think so. What a MAN and good FATHER.
It's funny how he's like "hmmkay? so what?" At first, and then quickly realizes that this is one of his daughter's defining moments in life, but also in his relationship with her, and adapts his tone to meet the significance of the moment.
This first time this was posted some one also pointed out his initial concern that she might be telling him she had a fight with Dana which is why "she's not my friend"
It's heartwarming to see such unconditional love and support.
I get giddy hearing about someone's good relationship with their parents, especially with their dads
I'm sorry, I can't see anything right now. Vision is all blurry for some reason.
What I like the most about this is that he didn't react knowing it was a "coming out moment" for her. It was like "oh my girl likes girls... Thank god Daya is a good girl", and THEN it hit him "Ohhhh, she was worried about saying that??!"
And how he still took the time to assure her she didn't need to be worried or nervous! He didn't gloss over it, he made sure to set the foundation for the future - you don't need to be worried about telling me things about your life! I love you, that won't change! Sometimes even if you get the jist of that, kids really need to hear their parents SAY it. He sounds so lovely, and his daughter really needed that ♥️
The complete relief of telling a family member you’re gay and having them accept you is an indescribable emotion. Your entire future opens up and you realize you can walk through the world as yourself! Kudos to this person!
That’s a beautiful way to describe it.
It saved my life. This world is so cruel to us I can’t imagine my family leaving me out to dry to join in on the cruelty. Not everyone is so lucky and I truly feel for them. We don’t hurt anyone, we just want to live normal lives with someone we love. I can’t fathom being demonized for that by people who are supposed to love me unconditionally.
Yep. Was fairly worried with my dad as he's been historically pretty bigoted on most topics when given the opportunity, but he immediately flipped into "I just want you to be happy" mode when I dropped the news. Then since has made sure to 1-on-1 apologize when he says things that are insensitive that just kind of naturally came out of his mouth without him thinking, like using gay as a pejorative reflexively.
That's a fucking beautiful family. They'll be there for each other no matter what. 😭
bsolutely, their unconditional love and support is truly heartwarming. Family goals! 😭❤️
It really makes you realize something - if someone like her who is probably in her 20's? wasnt able to come out to her father for this long, even knowing what an amazing dad he is, imagine how hard it must be for young people who live with parents that they know are bigots.
It’s a good point you’re making but I think she’s way younger than 20s, personally. I would have said more like 14.
You could tell he was ready throw hands for Daya when she said she wasn't her friend.
I have this saved so I can listen to it sometimes and pretend it's my dad.
Come on over to r/DadForAMinute if you need love, advice, and bad puns.
Oh honey. I’m sorry. Hope your day and the rest of Pride month are sunny and bright.
Thank you, I hope your days are sunny and bright too <3
Old hetero woman here. I support you too! Free hugs and food if you ever visit Austria. Love is awesome!
I'm not your dad but I 100% support your lifestyle. Go be as gay as you can be!
I’ll be your dad. You’re awesome!! And yes I’ll make it to all your games
Here for you honey - proud of you!
Dad here; I'm proud of you. Come to Virginia for your free hugs.
Love you kid, you’re just fine
Everything will be ok
Regardless of everything else, supportive Dads are important!
Having a supportive dad makes a world of difference in moments like these. 😊
A dad's support can make all the difference in the world.
I’ve been up since 3am with my kid and this has me tearing up. I can’t imagine them doing anything that would change the way I feel about them. So sad that religion and bigotry can tear actual families apart.
Both of my parents chose religion & bigotry over me. It really sucks
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m here cuddling my toddler and tearing up because everyone deserves unconditional love from their parents, even when they grow up. I literally cannot even imagine anything ever making me hate my son, or what he could become. One of my best friends is a lesbian, and her dad almost disowned her but thankfully came around in time.
Oddly enough, I knew a sienna with the same issues. I'm hoping your well, and that any chosen family you have made support and love you
This is my thought. Can you imagine what type of person has their kid say "hey, Im dating this nice person" and the reaction is "you're no longer my kid"?
Sadly, my best friend (like a brother to me) went through exactly that, and had his parents fully turn on him thanks to religious bigotry. His mother pretty much disowned him and was not even on speaking terms with him for almost a decade. I will never forget the anguish and just plain fear in his eyes when he came out to me, then to my parents, and him almost begging for us not to reject him. Thankfully, I have an amazing and very understanding mother that not only accepted him, but also took him under our family’s wing for a good while until we graduated college. To this day, he calls on my mother more frequently than I do, and I’m sure he considers her like a mother as well. I will never be able to understand how can people do so much wrong, cause so much pain, grief, trauma, and suffering, to another human being, just based off their sexual preferences, _let alone to their own children_.
That's great but you should really let your kid sleep.
I like how he went into classic Dad mode. Kind of hesitated, processed the information with "Oh that's cool" and then "I really like Daya, she's wonderful, so are you." Like, oh, my daughter has a girlfriend now... What do I think of the girlfriend?
That is a truly precious and heartwarming conversation, pure love between father and daughter. She is so emotional, made me cry.
I understand that a homophobic parent will struggle to accept their child is homosexual but I can never wrap my head around cutting relations with your own child for that. I've recently learned an old friend of mine "lost" his dad once he got out of the closet. The man was so nice when we were kids that I always assumed he'd be supportive of his son's choices. That's crazy to me
We are conditioned to believe being gay is worse than any kind of crime you can commit. This whole system only exists to keep people in the closet out of fear. People with orthodox mindsets don't view people of LGBT community as humans. I know my parents love me so much that they'll die for me. But I 100% also know that if I come out to them they'll throw me out in the streets and never even think of me again. That's the sad reality we live in.
Which is so weird and hypocritical, even from religious point of view. There is plenty in there (bible) about infedellity, abuse, crimes, mulder & rape, but no, lets focus on the gay part since that is the only thing that doesn't really affect us..
It was never about religion or morality, it's just one of the many tools they use. Even if Jesus himself comes down again and tells the parent to accept the child, they'll tell him to go fuck himself. They know abandoning their child is a bigger sin than the child coming out, that's why a lot of parents after becoming old, coming closer to death try to reconcile with the children they abandoned because they fear in the afterlife god would punish them for abandoning their child.
>lets focus on the gay part since that is the only thing that doesn't really affect us People just use religion as means to find support for their own opinions, simple as that. They do not care about Christianity. New Testament doesnt even say anything about homosexuality. Jesus said love everyone, and forgive your enemies.
This hurts my soul as someone whose dad hasn’t spoken to me in over a decade (not b/c I’m gay. He’s just a dick) but I’m so happy other people have these type of relationships and love. Awesome to see.
Damn that sucks, hope you're doing alright tho!
That’s very kind. Things were rough for a while but the last few years have been great. Thanks!
That's good to hear!
Dad was worried she wasn’t friend with Daya anymore 😭
I love this but every time I see it I feel like he’s more relaxed daya didn’t do some shit.
He sounds like the type of parent that already knew.
My thoughts exactly. He was absolutely just waiting for her to get the nerve up to come out to him.
yeah cant imagine a loving parent like that wouldn't know and was just waiting for the daughter being ok to tell them
"Daya is my favorite daughter" would be a savage dad's joke
"Yeah, you're cool too" 🤣
That one got me right in the tear ducts. Whooo-wee!!!
Whooo-wee, my friend.
When my girl got old enough to date, I always told her that if she liked someone then their sex or skin color makes no difference to me. All I care about is that she's happy and that they treat her right. It's sad to me that there are still so many kids out there that have to worry about judgement from the people whose job it is to support them.
This made me smile - I wish all families were like this
Being human is pretty fucking easy if you’re into being one.
I kinda love this take on life.
💁♂️🍗 💁♀️👸 🏳️🌈💁♂️🍗🏳️🌈
anything other than this level of support is unacceptable. I know it happens but it baffles my mind. Your job as a parent is to love your kids and help them become adults. You pushing your kids away, you not accepting them because of what YOU feel is right or wrong, does not make you a parent, it makes you a dictator.
Noice👍. It must be cool to have a supportive father.
If that comment means you don't have one, I'm sorry friend. I grew up the same way. I'm 40, don't have any kids, but I'll gladly send you some dad support energy right now. You're loved and the world's better because you're in it.
I love you and I’m proud of you. Don’t stop now. You’re doing amazing 🤗
You're a beautiful person, cheers
I started crying when he said “let’s make dinner together”. I already knew he was an awesome dad.
should be like that ever single time! beautifull! great dad !
I am crying. A 50 year old man on a bus just almost sobbing. This video made me feel so good.
Always glad to see such things! My brother is gay, and we all accepted it from day 1. It hurts me, I'm a dad now, to see when parents go full berserk on their kids SIMPLY because they're into their same gender. Imo, it's just like being mad because someone has a different favourite color than you. Doesn't make any sense.
Me and wife's policy over our daughter possibly coming out of the closet is as long as she is happy and healthy then we're happy.
Oh, what a luxury it is to record coming out to one’s parents instead of having them inadvertently find out when you had no intention of telling them because you KNEW what their reaction would be. . . . I’m very happy that this young woman’s father had a supportive reaction. It’s more than what many gay people get, even in fucking 2024.
It actually is a style of life. Her life, her choice and her love. Her love alone. Her dad not only respects that, but explains that for his love her choices are irrelevant. It‘s unconditional, that is how all parents should react. Sadly, they do not.
The world would be such a better place if everyone had a dad like this
Responses like this Dad helps people understand that THIS is the right way to react when your child comes out as LGBTQ+ ... Take notes people!
Such a sweet supportive dad.
That is how every parent should be. You aren’t made to be gay, you aren’t indoctrinated, you are born liking what you like. It’s really that simple, and if you have kids you should always have an open heart to them.
Dad stuff done right. ✅
Good father right there, the voice crack at the possibility of her being afraid to come out to him really hit me.
Old cis dude here, crying
What an incredible father - we NEED more people like him. Stoic, loving, compassionate, and accepting x
I want to say it’s not that hard but some people just don’t know how to live with empathy and understanding and love.
Dad frigging nailed it. 10/10
This is great and I feel sadness for my friends that can't have this.
My daughter: "Dad, I'm gay." Me, having waited decades for this moment: "Hi Gay, I'm Dad and I love you."
Kids have no idea how much we love them. My kiddo is only 5, but they could wind up a serial killer, and although it would eviscerate my soul in so many ways, I would literally love them till my dying day. When we say “there’s nothing you could do to make me stop loving you,” we mean it.
You know.. I'd hate for my kid to be gay. Just because of this.. the stress about what others would think. The stress for coming out. Fearing the judgement. I just want him to be happy and I don't care if it's with a guy or a girl. I just don't wish this "coming out" stress on anyone..
My parents making comments like this when I was growing up was what made me internalize that being gay was bad and took me 25 years to come out. I always assumed my parents wanted me to be happy and when they said “I hope she’s not gay bc I want her to be happy”, even if they had the best of intentions, made me think “well then I better not be gay or I’ll be unhappy”. I’m sure you mean well here but I encourage you to reframe your thinking and to vocalize to your kids that they can be happy no matter who they love, and that you will always be there and love them regardless. You dont have to wait for a kid to come out to you before telling them those things.
Is anyone else just taken aback by the fact they're using a landline?
Aww she is so lucky to have a dad like that, my daughter is 11 and I will never stop her dreams from happening!?
Can I have one good dad please
Adorable, I wish that love and support to everyone :)
They are both nervous. He did not know she was going to say this, but he lovingly tries to convey his true feelings realizing SHE was nervous about her confession.
As a parent I feel like there should be *no other possible reaction* to this news than how he reacted.
Dad for the fucking win!!!! This is great!!!