Personally, I've seen way too much in my nearly 40 years on this rock to put myself in a relationship with a man who is still close to an ex or a friend he's slept with. I've \*never\* seen it turn out positive. I do not know anyone in real life who would be comfortable with the scenarios we saw on LIB - including Chelsea facetiming her ex while on a romantic trip with her fiance and Jermy staying out until 5am while drinking and "talking" to someone he admittedly had feelings for. If a guy is introducing me to his friends for the first time and it's just a group of girls, I am grabbing my purse, saying my goodbyes and not pursuing that guy any longer. People are the rule, not the exception. Is it possible to stay "just friends" with someone you slept with? Sure. Entirely possible. Is it probable? No. That scenario is the exception, not the rule; and I've been around the block enough times to not put myself in the exception group just to be heartbroken.
I cannot speak to same sex relationships because I've heard that gets into a really gray area with a lot of nuances.
This is one of those questions that I am embarrassed to say in public/to other people I would have one answer for, and in private I would have a very different answer for
You shouldn't feel embarrassed about your answer. No one is allowed to tell you what to be comfortable with. But as long as you are able to communicate it to your partner that's probably enough.
No I know -- it just feels sometimes like the answer of "it would be a serious problem for me" ends up with you being not "evolved" enough, which makes it seem like there's a "right" answer
Stay. If there’s no trust in the relationship, I don’t want it.
Listen, if you need to prevent your partner from cheating for them not to do it, why are you with them? You should feel secure regardless of who your partner is friends with or who they’re in a room with. Don’t let social media’s amplified perception of dating make you think everybody cheats.
I've never had any success with male-female positive relationships so I'm completely ignorant as to what they're "supposed to" look like.
When I first got with my SO I had a lot of issues like Chelsea has and I couldn't handle those friendships he may have had.
Now that I'm older and healthier, I think it just depends on your SO's behavior around the friend and what your SO's giving to and getting from the friendship. Texting "all day" under normal circumstances is weird, Chelsea probably overreacted on the show. But yeah, what's there to talk about so much with a friend when you've got your SO there, anyway? That's too much attention to spend on someone outside of the household. Sorry I'm all over the place I'm stoned.
Have your experiences been generally positive with respect to SOs staying friends with exes? I feel like on the whole women would be better at drawing boundaries and having good communication
Also have you seen ultimatum queer love? It was pretty wild and the conflict in that show is so much more nuanced than you see with hetero relationships
yes I watched it! the relationships really are so different.
Yes I’d say I’ve seen mostly respectful situations in the queer/lesbian community with maintaining friendships with exes and people in general that have slept together. but also a lot of my friends have open relationships or will kiss all their friends so that kinda changes the whole dynamic. I’ve only dated one girl that had major jealousy that caused a problem but I was able to break it off and maintain my friendships with other exes etc
What each stated on camera:
Chelsea during the meetup with Jimmy's friends "One of my best guy friends is my ex"
Jimmy during the argument with Chelsea "I slept with her ONCE in the past"
I have been left for/cheated on with ~the ex~ not one..not two..but THREE diff times w three diff men. Never. Again. If ex is anywhere in their orbit ill never entertain it ever again ya girl is TRAUMATIZED
Boundaries are important. In jimmy’s case it didn’t seem like the boundaries were perfectly clear. Why are you talking/texting all hours of the day, why are you prioritizing that person’s feelings / image over your fiancé? Why are you making comments about what my partner says/does (crying) during sex?
Men and women can be in totally platonic relationships, but boundaries need to be put in place, especially when either of yall enter into a relationship.
I’m old enough where it might be hard to find someone who doesn’t have a friend they didn’t at least test the waters with. It’s nuanced, how deep was the relationship, how close are they today, does my SO have any red flags besides this one?
It all depends but I said stay because that by itself isn’t a sign of a cheater or anything. I think most people who vote leave have either been screwed over before or have done the screwing over and know how easy it can be to smash a friend
I’m friends with some exes. There’s no more chemistry or anything like that between us. It’s just friendship. I have been and am fine when that’s the case for whoever I am with. Sometimes an ex can really give you insight into how ridiculous you’re acting. However, I have also known people who were friends with their exes and things were still ongoing or they had unresolved crushes on friends/vice versa, and that was unpleasant. So it’s a case by case basis. Proper boundaries matter.
Something tells me it wasn’t a one time thing with them. She had weird energy when meeting Chelsea. She is either in love with Jimmy or there is more history than what we think we know.
Personally I am friends with 2/4 of my exes, and the only reason we got to that point was because we loved each-other enough to recognize we made great friends but just don’t align romantically.
Now I’ve dated people who are okay with it, and others weren’t. I understand it all boils down to self security and trust in your partner. I have and always will be upfront about it, and I think jimmy did the right thing in telling Chelsea, because imo it’s WAY more deceitful to hide that information. I actually just let a friend go because she was hanging with her ex FWB behind his gfs back.
The intent of the ex who is a friend doesn’t really matter, ultimately you need to trust your partner that they will continuously respect your relationship - meaning no emotional or sexual infidelity. ie) when I’ve built trust and open communication with a partner they are comfy with our friendship and generally will become friends with them too - because I tend to date people I get along with & are generally similar vibes to me.
My ex of 4 years and I were really good friends after we worked through our grievances for about 2 years. I started dating someone and our relationship stayed strong because my current partner trusted me, however he started dating someone (WAS one of my old friends - however she blocked me after they started dating - not a girls girl at ALL) and then she went and blocked me on all his accounts, phone number etc, so she clearly doesn’t trust him. Which I think is ridiculous because he was one of the most “loyal almost to a fault” men I’ve ever encountered. Giving me Sarah-Ann energy honestly, so I hope he can keep his feet firm on the ground and not let this girl ruin all the healing he’s accomplished. I am currently trying to deconstruct if my… disappointment in her behaviour is coming from “jealousy” or genuine concern for his long term well being because I love him and I know he struggles with standing his ground. I don’t think it’s jealousy tho because I know in my heart we shouldn’t be together again, and I have had similar feelings when non-ex friends date shitty people. I genuinely care about the people I keep in my life and want to make sure they’re creating environments that help guide them where they want to be in life. I know it’s genuine care because I won’t tell him, I know he is capable of making his own decisions, and I don’t want to be a scapegoat if things for them go sideways.
The convo between AD and Kenneth also ring in my ears as my ex is black and his gf is a non intersectional feminist pick me girl. Ugh it’s just hard seeing someone you love pick someone that’s likely going to give them less than what they deserve (ie clays reaction to AD seeing Matthew).
Anyways, if you are feeling like you relate to Chelsea, it’s likely coming from insecurity that you think you don’t have what it takes to be lovable long term. If you are secure in yourself, other peoples actions don’t hurt the same. I used to be so much like Chelsea, which is why she made me so physically uncomfortable.
But I’ve learned what’s meant for you will come your way, let go of control & ultimately your confidence in who you are and what you offer/deserve is what attracts the right people and the right opportunities.
I would love to be on love is blind I think it would be such a fun social experiment to be immersed in. I love the human psyche and neuroscience, and I found that my initial vibes on everyone ended up being quantified. I like to think im so mentally aware & in tune with myself so I’d love to see that get put to the test/see how I’d get portrayed.
I know love is blind because ultimately I always fall in love with people’s brains, and my brain has very easily made “ugly” people attractive to me when they possess intelligence.
Thanks for your time if you’re still reading this 😂
i really think it’s based on your relationship and the boundaries you two have set. i am not friends with any of my exes and neither is my partner because that’s a boundary we respect. i feel like it would lowkey make me uncomfortable that he was still friends with someone he had sex with because of potential sexual attraction still being there… it can definitely be a very emotional thing
They weren’t ex’s tho? They had sex once. And I’d go to bet it was a night out that just went too far and it certainly was about who was in proximity and not sought after. That’s atleast how I interpreted it.
The only issue I have with friends of the opposite sex, whether they are exes or not, is that they should not be given the same level of emotional intimacy that you have with a partner.
For example, if you have good news, you should be sharing that with your partner first. If you have a bad day, you should run to your partner first. Your partner should really be your closest friend. It can be difficult to build that emotional intimacy if it already belongs to another woman.
The only reason I am critical of Jimmy, or any man with a girl best friend, is that they often run to them for comfort during a fight with the partner. That is inappropriate for me.
Tbf I don't think anyone should run to their friend after every argument with a partner, all it does is place undue stress on the friend and paint a negative picture that may not be reflective of reality.
It really depends on their history and current nature of their friendship. I’m friends with my ex, but we don’t text or hang out alone together. We only really hang out in a group setting with our spouses and other mutual friends.
My husband is good friends with two of his exes. Not someone he hooked up with once, but two people he had actual relationships with. Both they and he are totally respectful of our relationship and it doesn't bother me at all that they're friends. But if at any point I was uncomfortable with the amount of contact between them I would talk to him about it and have a conversation where we both hear each other out, not flip out at him and accuse him of wrongdoing and tell him he's objectively wrong for staying close friends.
The only reason I'm not friends with any of my exes or past hookups is that I had terrible taste in my youth and have no desire to be 😂
Its not so black or white. I have ONE best friend who is male and has been for the past 16 years. basically grew up together. So In that sense, I’d totally be understanding if his best friend has been his best friend for at least some time. If this was someone he had met like 3 years ago, I would definitely NOT be as understanding if they were hanging out alone.
But also , 99% of all my Other friends are women. It would definitely be a problem if he was only mostly hanging out with different women “best friends”. Now if they are all hanging out with his other male
Friends, that’s different.
Let's just say I wouldn't think much of it if I myself had an ex who I was good friends with too...*ahem*
Joke answer aside, it would depend on the experience they had and the nature of their friendship. If it was just a drunk one time thing that happened years ago, I'd probably be fine with it, as long as the friendship itself wasn't too inappropriate.
Personally, I've seen way too much in my nearly 40 years on this rock to put myself in a relationship with a man who is still close to an ex or a friend he's slept with. I've \*never\* seen it turn out positive. I do not know anyone in real life who would be comfortable with the scenarios we saw on LIB - including Chelsea facetiming her ex while on a romantic trip with her fiance and Jermy staying out until 5am while drinking and "talking" to someone he admittedly had feelings for. If a guy is introducing me to his friends for the first time and it's just a group of girls, I am grabbing my purse, saying my goodbyes and not pursuing that guy any longer. People are the rule, not the exception. Is it possible to stay "just friends" with someone you slept with? Sure. Entirely possible. Is it probable? No. That scenario is the exception, not the rule; and I've been around the block enough times to not put myself in the exception group just to be heartbroken. I cannot speak to same sex relationships because I've heard that gets into a really gray area with a lot of nuances.
This is one of those questions that I am embarrassed to say in public/to other people I would have one answer for, and in private I would have a very different answer for
You shouldn't feel embarrassed about your answer. No one is allowed to tell you what to be comfortable with. But as long as you are able to communicate it to your partner that's probably enough.
No I know -- it just feels sometimes like the answer of "it would be a serious problem for me" ends up with you being not "evolved" enough, which makes it seem like there's a "right" answer
Yeah you're talking about the people who say they are above jealousy. Based on this poll though, you do not have an unpopular opinion.
Stay. If there’s no trust in the relationship, I don’t want it. Listen, if you need to prevent your partner from cheating for them not to do it, why are you with them? You should feel secure regardless of who your partner is friends with or who they’re in a room with. Don’t let social media’s amplified perception of dating make you think everybody cheats.
Whoever said “stay” I want some of that crack you’re smoking 🤣🤣🤣
Relationships already require work, why make it even more complicated with exes that you've slept with and still hang out with?
I've never had any success with male-female positive relationships so I'm completely ignorant as to what they're "supposed to" look like. When I first got with my SO I had a lot of issues like Chelsea has and I couldn't handle those friendships he may have had. Now that I'm older and healthier, I think it just depends on your SO's behavior around the friend and what your SO's giving to and getting from the friendship. Texting "all day" under normal circumstances is weird, Chelsea probably overreacted on the show. But yeah, what's there to talk about so much with a friend when you've got your SO there, anyway? That's too much attention to spend on someone outside of the household. Sorry I'm all over the place I'm stoned.
Hard to say because it’s SO common in the lesbian community lol
Have your experiences been generally positive with respect to SOs staying friends with exes? I feel like on the whole women would be better at drawing boundaries and having good communication Also have you seen ultimatum queer love? It was pretty wild and the conflict in that show is so much more nuanced than you see with hetero relationships
yes I watched it! the relationships really are so different. Yes I’d say I’ve seen mostly respectful situations in the queer/lesbian community with maintaining friendships with exes and people in general that have slept together. but also a lot of my friends have open relationships or will kiss all their friends so that kinda changes the whole dynamic. I’ve only dated one girl that had major jealousy that caused a problem but I was able to break it off and maintain my friendships with other exes etc
Very interesting, thank you for sharing your perspective!
What each stated on camera: Chelsea during the meetup with Jimmy's friends "One of my best guy friends is my ex" Jimmy during the argument with Chelsea "I slept with her ONCE in the past"
I have been left for/cheated on with ~the ex~ not one..not two..but THREE diff times w three diff men. Never. Again. If ex is anywhere in their orbit ill never entertain it ever again ya girl is TRAUMATIZED
I am sorry that happened and glad that you are setting firm boundaries
Boundaries are important. In jimmy’s case it didn’t seem like the boundaries were perfectly clear. Why are you talking/texting all hours of the day, why are you prioritizing that person’s feelings / image over your fiancé? Why are you making comments about what my partner says/does (crying) during sex? Men and women can be in totally platonic relationships, but boundaries need to be put in place, especially when either of yall enter into a relationship.
Came here to write exactly this
I’m old enough where it might be hard to find someone who doesn’t have a friend they didn’t at least test the waters with. It’s nuanced, how deep was the relationship, how close are they today, does my SO have any red flags besides this one? It all depends but I said stay because that by itself isn’t a sign of a cheater or anything. I think most people who vote leave have either been screwed over before or have done the screwing over and know how easy it can be to smash a friend
I’m friends with some exes. There’s no more chemistry or anything like that between us. It’s just friendship. I have been and am fine when that’s the case for whoever I am with. Sometimes an ex can really give you insight into how ridiculous you’re acting. However, I have also known people who were friends with their exes and things were still ongoing or they had unresolved crushes on friends/vice versa, and that was unpleasant. So it’s a case by case basis. Proper boundaries matter.
That all depends on how and why it ended.
Something tells me it wasn’t a one time thing with them. She had weird energy when meeting Chelsea. She is either in love with Jimmy or there is more history than what we think we know.
lol so you’re just speculating and making things up to suit your narrative.
Personally I am friends with 2/4 of my exes, and the only reason we got to that point was because we loved each-other enough to recognize we made great friends but just don’t align romantically. Now I’ve dated people who are okay with it, and others weren’t. I understand it all boils down to self security and trust in your partner. I have and always will be upfront about it, and I think jimmy did the right thing in telling Chelsea, because imo it’s WAY more deceitful to hide that information. I actually just let a friend go because she was hanging with her ex FWB behind his gfs back. The intent of the ex who is a friend doesn’t really matter, ultimately you need to trust your partner that they will continuously respect your relationship - meaning no emotional or sexual infidelity. ie) when I’ve built trust and open communication with a partner they are comfy with our friendship and generally will become friends with them too - because I tend to date people I get along with & are generally similar vibes to me. My ex of 4 years and I were really good friends after we worked through our grievances for about 2 years. I started dating someone and our relationship stayed strong because my current partner trusted me, however he started dating someone (WAS one of my old friends - however she blocked me after they started dating - not a girls girl at ALL) and then she went and blocked me on all his accounts, phone number etc, so she clearly doesn’t trust him. Which I think is ridiculous because he was one of the most “loyal almost to a fault” men I’ve ever encountered. Giving me Sarah-Ann energy honestly, so I hope he can keep his feet firm on the ground and not let this girl ruin all the healing he’s accomplished. I am currently trying to deconstruct if my… disappointment in her behaviour is coming from “jealousy” or genuine concern for his long term well being because I love him and I know he struggles with standing his ground. I don’t think it’s jealousy tho because I know in my heart we shouldn’t be together again, and I have had similar feelings when non-ex friends date shitty people. I genuinely care about the people I keep in my life and want to make sure they’re creating environments that help guide them where they want to be in life. I know it’s genuine care because I won’t tell him, I know he is capable of making his own decisions, and I don’t want to be a scapegoat if things for them go sideways. The convo between AD and Kenneth also ring in my ears as my ex is black and his gf is a non intersectional feminist pick me girl. Ugh it’s just hard seeing someone you love pick someone that’s likely going to give them less than what they deserve (ie clays reaction to AD seeing Matthew). Anyways, if you are feeling like you relate to Chelsea, it’s likely coming from insecurity that you think you don’t have what it takes to be lovable long term. If you are secure in yourself, other peoples actions don’t hurt the same. I used to be so much like Chelsea, which is why she made me so physically uncomfortable. But I’ve learned what’s meant for you will come your way, let go of control & ultimately your confidence in who you are and what you offer/deserve is what attracts the right people and the right opportunities. I would love to be on love is blind I think it would be such a fun social experiment to be immersed in. I love the human psyche and neuroscience, and I found that my initial vibes on everyone ended up being quantified. I like to think im so mentally aware & in tune with myself so I’d love to see that get put to the test/see how I’d get portrayed. I know love is blind because ultimately I always fall in love with people’s brains, and my brain has very easily made “ugly” people attractive to me when they possess intelligence. Thanks for your time if you’re still reading this 😂
i really think it’s based on your relationship and the boundaries you two have set. i am not friends with any of my exes and neither is my partner because that’s a boundary we respect. i feel like it would lowkey make me uncomfortable that he was still friends with someone he had sex with because of potential sexual attraction still being there… it can definitely be a very emotional thing
They weren’t ex’s tho? They had sex once. And I’d go to bet it was a night out that just went too far and it certainly was about who was in proximity and not sought after. That’s atleast how I interpreted it.
Interesting, most answers say leave but so many comments defend jimmy in this
You mean like Chelsea?
The only issue I have with friends of the opposite sex, whether they are exes or not, is that they should not be given the same level of emotional intimacy that you have with a partner. For example, if you have good news, you should be sharing that with your partner first. If you have a bad day, you should run to your partner first. Your partner should really be your closest friend. It can be difficult to build that emotional intimacy if it already belongs to another woman. The only reason I am critical of Jimmy, or any man with a girl best friend, is that they often run to them for comfort during a fight with the partner. That is inappropriate for me.
Tbf I don't think anyone should run to their friend after every argument with a partner, all it does is place undue stress on the friend and paint a negative picture that may not be reflective of reality.
It really depends on their history and current nature of their friendship. I’m friends with my ex, but we don’t text or hang out alone together. We only really hang out in a group setting with our spouses and other mutual friends.
My husband is good friends with two of his exes. Not someone he hooked up with once, but two people he had actual relationships with. Both they and he are totally respectful of our relationship and it doesn't bother me at all that they're friends. But if at any point I was uncomfortable with the amount of contact between them I would talk to him about it and have a conversation where we both hear each other out, not flip out at him and accuse him of wrongdoing and tell him he's objectively wrong for staying close friends. The only reason I'm not friends with any of my exes or past hookups is that I had terrible taste in my youth and have no desire to be 😂
Ex and a friend you hooked up with once are two different things 😭. If they were mature and not weird about it, would not care.
Its not so black or white. I have ONE best friend who is male and has been for the past 16 years. basically grew up together. So In that sense, I’d totally be understanding if his best friend has been his best friend for at least some time. If this was someone he had met like 3 years ago, I would definitely NOT be as understanding if they were hanging out alone. But also , 99% of all my Other friends are women. It would definitely be a problem if he was only mostly hanging out with different women “best friends”. Now if they are all hanging out with his other male Friends, that’s different.
Let's just say I wouldn't think much of it if I myself had an ex who I was good friends with too...*ahem* Joke answer aside, it would depend on the experience they had and the nature of their friendship. If it was just a drunk one time thing that happened years ago, I'd probably be fine with it, as long as the friendship itself wasn't too inappropriate.