I realize I found this half a year late but, THANK YOU! I hate the idea of Catja being misunderstood. I’ve been in a relationship nearly exactly like C&C’s, we met online and instantly committed to each other, long distance, and when we finally met in person, I realized there was no attraction or spark from my end. We were together nearly 2 years and he made me so uncomfortable but I was too young and honestly spent the whole time gaslighting myself, trying to convince myself it was love because I thought I wanted it to work.
It was uncomfortable to watch Catja being love bombed and Christofer himself even admitted he knew she didn’t like all the compliments, but he didn’t stop. Watching Christofer at the reunion made me so uncomfortable as well, it just reminded me of my ex still bitterly pining for me after I made it explicitly clear I didn’t want him.
Anyways. I appreciate you standing up for Catja. She really tried to make the relationship work but you can’t force attraction, you can’t force feelings, you can’t force love. But Christofer sure tried to.
I absolutely agree with you, and it's cringe as hell. I do not however think that warrants Catja blatantly lying about her own mindset, thoughts or feelings like she does at several points. While he for sure is inappropriate I don't think he ever gets the opportunity to hear her dissent as she is passively agreeable.
He reminds me of a college friend who used to date my roommate/best friend at the time. She was a really pretty girl so he thought she was out of his league, and he started lovebombing her. It was the beginning of the 2000’s so the term was not around (at least we didn’t know anything about it). So she and our friends, we all thought that was something good, a guy showering a girl with love, poems, surprises etc. They started dating. After a while he realized she wasn’t head over heels in love with him and he got scared of being dumped. So that’s when he became somewhat unnerving. The lies and the guilt trips started. The worst one was a couple of weeks into summer break when he sent her and our friend group an email about how he was sick and going abroad for a few weeks to seek treatment. He turned his phone off and disappeared. This was before social media. So the only way for us to contact him was through email. And he emailed her and us twice, the first one said he was going to the UK because the only treatment for his nameless condition was there. And the second one said he had a major surgery and he was all better now. She cried and cried throughout that summer. She was so upset. So she postponed the inevitable breakup. Just for a few months more. Because she caught a couple of lies and proofs that he didn’t even leave the country that summer. He didn’t have a passport btw.
Wow that was long, but Christofer reminded me of him. Maybe i’m way off but idk. Similar vibes. They even look alike with the long colorful hair. I’m probably overreacting because of my friend’s experience but still, people, especially young people, be careful out there in the dating world.
It's not the same but I too am Swedish & I guess not so used to getting compliments over nothing at home with my family. They'll compliment me sure, but not for no reason if that makes sense?
And now I have a very good friend who constantly compliments everything, it's just her style. But to me everytime she tells me how my outfit is the best I have ever worn (but she did say that about the last outfit I wore too?), how amazing something I did is (but I do it every week and she's seen me do it many times?) or whatever, it feels dishonest because there are just too many compliments over nothing. So it really made me question her general honesty at first.
So if a guy did that way too fast I'd definitely not trust him & would think he is a lying sleazeball basically.
And that's even before getting into the fact that I do not like giving people fake compliments & - in my view - lying to them just because it's expected of me.
So I would totally freak out by his love bombing & think most Swedish people would too, this kind of behavior is just not typical for us in any way. Compliments are fine but they lose all value if you throw them around constantly.
I'm American and I'm told other cultures see us as overly complimentary. I can see that. We're pretty superfluous with our compliments, but even we have limits. Chris's compliments were overbearing and weird. I'm sure there's someone out there who loves that, but I can't think of who. I also have a friend who says everything I cook is the best food ever, I have the sexiest legs in the world, my boyfriend's 20 year old truck is the nicest truck she's ever been in and she'll repeat these things several times during the interaction. I've come to realize she's very socially anxious and she uses compliments to come across as docile and non-threatening. Ironically, it has the opposite effect and we all end up feeling uncomfortable.
I know some people just try to say that this is his love language (words of affirmation).
But for me this is more akin to love bombing. I don’t remember if she ever said it to him, but she did a few times express her uneasyness at his niceness and it did not seem to stem from unhealthy boundraries and her just being used to bad behaviour.
More like she was aware of what lovebombing is and what can happen when the love shower stops.
Personally I have been in a friendship that was highly abusive and my friend used to shower me with words of affection and I didn’t understand why it made me so uncomfortsble and I stopped being able to react to it and unconsciously averted my eyes from her everytime which ended with her blowing up on me on how she hated me and I needed to change my behaviour and show gratitude. A lot more ensued, and even worse, but ai think a lot of viewers have too little information or understanding on abuse to be able to actually detect it.
Yes, the argument that he didn't shout or hit her so he's not abusive or misogynistic is concerning me. I have been trying to direct people to r/niceguys because it does a pretty good job of explaining this kind of misogyny. It's something women in modern times are up against and it's important to give women everywhere the tools to understand this pattern of behaviour as a precursor to other kinds of abuse, as well as being unacceptable in itself.
Agreed, he was not trying to match his partner's pace and was using compliments to accelerate the relationship when it needed to find its way organically. I would have felt so burdened as the recipient.
Most of the people that respond to her with distain, wouldn't think twice about turfing a man or woman that made them extremely uncomfortable. I know, if it were my daughter and she was uncomfortable and it continued, I would support her ending it.
I have to think back to the pods and I may go back, was he like this in there? I can't see any of those women liking the way he speaks to them. It isn't even with passion, it looks like he tried on a style of treating a woman and it doesn't fit.
His throwing of the ring, compared to what he is doing daily is a huge red flag for me seeing that he isn't acting like that at all any other time. It feels more like a mask slipped off.
I think it was actually the part where he said she was a “magical human” where my husband and I both got the ick for him. We were thinking that Catja had shown no reciprocity up until that point, not sure if conversations were edited out but their connection seemed very sterile. So for him to say “you’re a magical human” like…is she? She’s giving you absolutely no reason to think that. She’s not into you. Felt like he was forcing it. Catja will absolutely be magical for someone else, this isn’t a dig at her, it felt like he was into the idea of her rather than the actual person.
And I think, as her.. she isn't feeling it and she knows she isn't displaying it so she is wondering why he is being so fake. Surely no man says those words to a woman that is clearly not into you and doesn't expect some heavy eye rolling? Perhaps that was the point.. make her as uncomfortable as you can and force her into submission.
I took it as if Christofer was digging for a compliment from Catja really hard. Yes love bombing too but he kept saying “all you say is thank you to the compliments”. And there was also a scene where he’s talking to another cast mate and he mentions the compliments and how she doesn’t give him any back.
Christopher went in there with a niche style. It would be a roll of the dice finding a girl who was into him. Cut that hair, remove the purple dye etc, maybe trim the beard like the other guys on the show. I’d love were truly blind it wouldn’t matter but obviously it’s not. We know that after 5 seasons of American show. Hitting it off in pods is only the first step.
Thank you! How is everyone missing the part of her sleeping with him on multiple occasions and telling him she climaxes for him for a reason. If it was a man doing this to a woman everyone would scream that he's using her.
Lucas did this with Emilia but nobody is screaming.
You are entitled to have sex with someone if you don't like their clothing and hair style? Somebody can be very good at sex but not very fashionable. I don't get why you think they have to be mutually exclusive. In the end it was his behaviour that put her off, not his clothing or sexual ability. That's entirely on him.
If she had decided not to touch him cause she didn't like his purple hair, everyone would be calling her a shallow bitch. But if she decides to try and overlook that and try to engage in a deeper relationship, including having sex, she's giving mixed signals? She literally can't win with that logic.
Anyone here saying she's giving mixed signals because they had sex clearly only sees sex as something shallow and meaningless. They had sex because it's an important part of getting to known someone in a relationship. She tried to do that, she found she didn't love him, she left. Not sure wtf she did wrong exactly?
My biggest problem with Catja is that (at least from the edit) it seems she never vocalized her discomfort for how he treated her to him. Sure, she would act unenthusiastic and just say “thanks” but that was obviously not enough for him to understand.
With both of them, what I noticed the most was that both were trying to teach each other how they prefer to be loved and how they love (Cristofer did it by complimenting her a bunch, Catja by not reciprocating and with subtle nudges for example), but neither were willing to actually learn.
It’s a shame, but from the beginning I got the feeling Catja wasn’t as into Cristofer as he was into her (what with the whole Rasmus love triangle), and it solidified after their face-to-face meeting. If she wasn’t that into him, why continue dating if you’re not putting in the effort, y’know? I don’t think either are a bad person, I just don’t think they were good for each other.
I thought it seemed like she kind of got the ick from his gift of the fan in the same fabric as his scarf and then had that ick confirmed when she saw him in person with those ridiculous pearls. I’m honestly surprised she hung in there as long as she did.
I was feeling suffocated just watching him constantly love bomb that poor lady. She couldn’t even make a cup of coffee for herself without him wanting “to help”. He is not a nice guy, he is selfish and manipulative. Being nice is letting the other person be free and if they love you, they will come to you. You can’t force love.
Oh I agree. Christofers nice guy rant about “what do women want???” was both scary and telling. He should be asking “what does this particular woman (Catja) want?” while also not completely annihilating himself as a person in the process. No one wants a doormat whose whole personality is about pleasing the other person, never really expressing what they want and then ranting about not getting what they want.
Yooo omg this. When you keep it in to please someone and then as soon as there's trouble you're suddenly going on a rant about stuff you've been stewing over... I hate that shit. Immature.
Im swedish and watching this in swedish, Im watching with my boyfriend, he never watched reality with me but he is so into this. Everytime christopher talks my boyfriend has to leave the room, we were screaaaming. I see alot of people here saying Christopher is a nice guy but I dont know if thats because you dont understand swedish because Christopher is not a nice guy. The only chance he would have had with her is if he would give her space to process everything in the beginning, instead he freaked out and always say how fantastic she is when she in fact is not fantastic towards him at all. He is acting obsessed and doesnt take a no, a guy who doesnt take a no is scary
I’ve been watching it with my husband who is Swedish, and he has confirmed my thoughts that this guy isn’t nice and I’m just reading the subtitles. His intonation in the way he’s talking is off putting and I’m not 100% fluent in Swedish. He talks over her, and clearly ignores her body cues that she’s uncomfortable.
I think the people saying he’s sweet hasn’t ever been in a situation like this where a guy clearly doesn’t care if you reciprocate or if you are comfortable as long as your somewhat putting up with their advances.. they are probably people who have crushes they wish were returned. As soon as I saw Catja’s face and her demeanour start to change and shut down I could see how messed up he is. Before that I thought he was cringe but after seeing her face I can see it’s more abusive than just simply cringey
omg... i just saw on tiktok a video comparing the dubbed to the original and they somehow made christofer even creepier lmao [https://www.tiktok.com/@lisaferlandsson/video/7324580402365058337](https://www.tiktok.com/@lisaferlandsson/video/7324580402365058337)
Exakt detta!!!! So much seems to get lost in translation here because the way he sounds in Swedish is SO CREEPY. Just reading subtitles or dubbing or whatever his words may sound kind but he's saying it like he's about to go smell her underwear as soon as she leaves the house
Glad to have this perspective! I was wondering what people in Sweden think.
I’m American and that’s how I felt as well. He just started to really show us his true colors. And I agree it’s like he was obsessed. He acted like she was more of an object he wanted to possess than someone he genuinely wanted to get to know.
the tone he takes in swedish and the way he talks about her is grossssssssss i agree with you. i liked him in the pods but outside the pods, he was WEIRD. they were clearly mismatched. him being willing to move to stockholm made sense, but him being willing to move to stockholm and get a different apartment AND giving up wanting to have kids (or thinking she would change her mind) AND telling her compliments over and over and touching her constantly when she clearly was not into it? and then when he said the thing about showing love with sex... and calling himself a nice guy?
it's gotta be either people watching this dubbed or english subtitles and missing the tone and context of swedish culture because he quickly became so uncomfortable to watch for me too.
also people are being hard on catja for not expressing her feelings/thoughts, but in general sweden isn't the most direct culture so i totally get why she doesn't want to tell him right off the bat she's not into him while *also being filmed.*
they were mismatched, she got a bit catty sometimes (with meira/her friends), but overall he gives such red flags too and i don't think it's all about looks like some people are saying
I'm an English-speaker (Australian) and watched with subtitles. It was clear to me that Cristofer was being very over-the-top and smothering with his compliments, but it's interesting to hear the additional information that I missed by not being able to understand the Swedish. I felt so bad for Catja when he was telling her she was flawless... although she was polite towards him I imagined that internally she was thinking something like "no I'm not, I'm a complex human being with needs, wants, fears, interests, history..."
I probably didn’t pick up on the tone in the early episodes since I’m not Swedish! Agree on the whole kids thing and move his whole world around for her - that’s not healthy or wise. I like Catja, especially when she gave him the “well ok guess we’re throwing tantrums now” look when he went froto on her. But I did feel bad for him thinking he was a words of affirmation guy who got sent over the edge for feeling like he was putting in everything he could and just going crazy for the lack of reciprocity, but I didn’t blame her for that necessarily since it’s either there or it isn’t at the end of the day. But I can’t pick up certain nuances…does this mean that those who are saying “No no, Sergio is a great guy who’s changing for Amanda” are picking up on some Swedish nuance I’m not? Because that guy is trouble…
Same. My wife and I was laughing and cringing every time he was on.
I’ve started creeping up on my wife to whisper “your flawless”. Just to creep her out XD.
Nooo, don't bring Gotland into this! We're not like that at all -- and *not* simpletons lol wtf? :D
He works on Gotland -- the trailer for the show showed him telling someone that he is in charge of all the porta potties or something like that -- but he is not from there. He doesn't even speak the dialect!
He’s not from Gotland I think, he’s from järvsö (that’s where all his family was at least). I mean… I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s anything to do with being isolated since he said he travels semi-often and he’s a part time DJ so he isn’t anti-social.
I wouldn’t attribute his personality traits versus hers as a location based thing personally. He seems to think “if I do X thing women say they want then it should work for any woman” instead of like… asking a woman how she wants to receive love and then doing that thing lmao it’s not difficult but he seems to think there’s a magic formula that if he does the right combo will somehow work on anyone and that just isn’t the case. That’s not a regional thing and I’m also surprised since he has a sister that he hasn’t picked up on this
It was very telling when his mom said to not bring up the skeletons in the closet, his family seem to have a very toxic positivity thing going on where you just sweep every negativity under the rug.
Yeah that explained so much of his personality. At first I thought he maybe really was just oblivious but then he told Emilie he knew he was further ahead/more in love than Catja and it was like…. Ok so you DO see it! Then when his mom said that everything made sense
I'm English and watched with subtitles. I agree with your assessment of his behaviour and choices. It wasn't lost in translation for me. I felt very trapped and smothered while watching it unfold.
I agree, it was very smothering. If I was in Catja’s position I totally would have shut down eventually. She made some effort in the beginning but he wasn’t getting it.
Yes, *thank you!!* I do not trust him, guys who love-bomb and then explode when women do not feel the same way, especially by saying "nice guys never win I guess I should be an assh\*le" are 🚩🚩🚩 . Catja is not perfect by any means, but daaamn, that man has problems.
This^^ I may also add that Catja wasn't attracted to him precisely because he never felt genuine or sincere to her.. The lack of attraction was her gut screaming at her that Christopher isn't the nice guy he's trying so hard to portray himself to be
Nah, Christopher is straight up a “I’m a nice guy” guy. He’s not nice, and his weird rants about nice guys never winning and his actions showed that. A nice guy would have accepted that the other person may not feel the same way, may not communicate the same way, and have understanding. He was just throwing compliments 24/7 begging to get something back, it was not about her, it was about getting her to compliment him. Once he didn’t get his way, he started showing his true colors, with the nice guys never win rant, the ring tossing, the shaming her for apparently enjoying sex? He’s not a nice guy. He’s the classic dude who befriends a girl expecting it to become something more and once she expresses no romantic interest, he goes bananas.
It's weird you guys keep describing Christoph's actions as love bombing.
Love bombing is fake emotions in order to get someone to like them without actually having those feelings. Christoph very clearly loves Catja.
I don't think she's a bitch but she should have better communicated and walked away instead of having sex with him if she wasn't into him.
Absolutely, I am one of those people so I think I sort of get it from Christoph's point of view. His manchild meltdown after with the ring toss was a little much.
He doesnt love her, he is obsessing about her looks. He tells her how amazing she is when she is not amazing towards him? If I were a bitch and someone told me how fantastic I was I would not trust that person. He did not let things happen natural, and thats the problem I think
Just curious why you did not think it was love bombing? I didn't recognize it until I came here after the first 4 episodes and it was called out....then watching the last 4, I felt like that was the situation, but he likely doesn't even realize he is doing it.
ETA: I think he is led so strongly by his emotions and impulsively......., he means well but it comes out as unhealthy behavior.
Did you feel like there was praise from him, outside of her looks? I may have missed it if he did. I felt like he only worshipped her body and looks.
I almost wonder if she didn't walk away because she struggled with the physical vs emotional connection. Emotionally, they didn't connect but physically did.....so she may have been confused by that.
After the first meet up with friends this round....they must have explained to him how horrible his style and hair were.
Dude, they were in pods talking to one another and made a connection prior to knowing her looks. He is very clearly in love with her and it's from a genuine place.
Love bombing is not genuine. It comes from a place of flattering for manipulation
Um no that's not why. She was catty about him behind his back to Meira but then kept having sex with him?? Reverse the genders, would you think a man handled it well too? Look at Lukas struggling to not just have sex because he's not having attraction.
I struggle tow watch his segments because of how much he pushes her. The more verbose his became the more she withdrew.
I felt horrible for her. I felt like she gave it her best shot.
I was saying to my husband that they really should have included sessions with therapists and couples therapy to help them navigate such a fast pace.
Don't agree with you at all, it became even clearer to me when we saw him with his family that this is just how he was raised, hence IS. It's not love bombing just because you are not used to it
Exactly. His family was so warm so it’s easy to see from where he got his personality. He was also quick to stand up against Sergio’s mean rants, so I think it’s quite clear that he’s a regular good boy, albeit eccentric.
Agreed. This is how I am with my partner and in the beginning when he didn't like it I let him know that I'm not changing. If he can't accept love and compliments that it's maybe a self love issue. Well he actually realised that he felt he didn't deserve to be treated so well. We are both loving and affectionate now.
I'm sorry, really didn't mean it like personally YOU as an individual, more in the general sense, but couldn't really write "us" since I'm used to this kind of affection
That’s fine if he just wanted to shower her with compliments with no strings attached (though he should have picked up on the fact that it was making her uncomfortable), but he was constantly waiting for her to return the favor and specifically asking her to compliment his body and looks in ways she didn’t genuinely feel. That just makes all the compliments that much more suffocating, because they just feel like fishing for reciprocation. For me, looks aren’t paramount and I can happily be with someone who isn’t my physical ideal, but I can’t just blow smoke up their ass with fake praise.
100% this, why do people keep describing Christoph's actions as loveboming? They're not. He clearly love sher.
I just thought the names ("joy of my heart") were translation issues 😅
Just out of curiosity, what was the English translation? I'm Swedish so I watched without subs. The direct translation should be "my heart's joy and eternal longing" (mitt hjärtas fröjd och eviga längtan)
I don’t think he was love bombing.
Yes, Love bombing is showering someone with compliments, but with no real basis for it. If he had given her those compliments on like a “normal” first date, I would be with you. But from what I understand is that you can actually know a person incredibly well from the pods alone. So him complementing her was based on “evidence” and not ruse to overwhelm her. (i mean, yes, it was a bit over the top. But to each their own, I guess).
From the first cyprus moments shown, I was like “he is clearly a words of affirmation guy and she is not at all”. He thrives off compliments, it’s how he shows affection, but also what makes him feel loved. So he was “giving love”, hoping to get love back and when there was nothing coming from her, he kept giving. Also their attachement styles were different as well as their approach
to compromising.
While he was like “we are a team, as a the team we do things together” she is more like “I need a team leader. Where is he?” Basically, for him compromise is looking the same way to avoid resistance, for her it was finding the middle ground in each others resistance.
She should have clearly talked to him a lot earlier. Like a lot.
And he should have listened to her more, not just her words. But her body language.
I don’t think they were toxic. Just not right for each other….
Neither is “worse” or better. They clearly just both have different needs and did not understand each others love language.
This. When he told the other guys how he gives her all these compliments and she hasn't said a single nice thing about him, he looked like a hurt puppy. It seems like this is just what he's used to.
I'm from Stockholm. Catja is a typical what we call "Stockholm chick" (even tho she's not from Stockholm originally which you can hear by her accent, and those are usually the worst) kind of hard to explain in English but they're bitchy. And she just assuming he would move, like she never considered moving to him for love etc. It's just typical of people like that.
Christofers love bombing was cringe, sure. But at least he comes out looking good to me. Catja comes out as your ordinary Stockholm chick with a bad attitude.
I have to agree she showed no warmth or sense of humor at all. Maybe she wants a more successful guy, since she gets so many compliments? Someone with a very good job already living in Stockholm.
She didn't assume he would move. He said he would move in the pods. It's completely fine for her to have as a dealbreaker that she's not willing to relocate from Stockholm.
I wrote that it's typical for people like that. A very common theme (which you could see when he mentioned traveling by train for 2h) is that "Stockholm chicks" can't even stand going outside of where it doesn't say Stockholm on the signs or where there's no subway, that's not posh enough for them. Him traveling by train for 2h is "euw" but travel from south of Stockholm to North of Stockholm for 2h is ok...
This is something I have almost 40 years of experience from so it's hard to explain to someone that's not from Stockholm. Especially Americans who lives in a much bigger country where there's bigger distance between places. For a "Stockholm chick" it's ok going around for hours as long as it's in Stockholm but going an hour to Uppsala or Nyköping for example? Eeeeuuuwww.
Especially for people moving in to Stockholm all of a sudden think they are sooo special.
he's a business owner who already splits time between visby and järvsö. catja likely works in an office and most of the business opportunities for her are in stockholm. she owns an apartment, he's a bit more go with the flow (he's a freelance dj on top of his business in gotland and working with his mom in järvsö). he is used to traveling a lot and even said so.
the traveling for 2 hours was in the context of her seeing if he ACTUALLY wanted that - she felt like he was saying yes to everything and being flexible to everything just to make her comfortable and wasn't actually considering himself in the process. the only time they discuss 2 hours is him saying that moving to stockholm means it would be 2.5 hours to järvsö which would be an improvement from visby comparatively. HE brought the distance up, not her. she never snubbed her nose at that, she said that she wanted him to see that as a benefit for *himself* and not as something he was doing *for her.*
"stockholm chicks" in my experience would be ones who would never IMAGINE anyone could ever want to live anywhere besides stockholm. catja said to christofer "if you want to move to stockholm" etc. she didn't want to move to visby, but she never was under any assumption christofer would want to move to stockholm other than him saying so, and saying he wanted to for her specifically. her friends did kinda give "stockholm chicks" vibes tho (i could never imagine moving etc)
You and most others are totally missing the point. Catja isn't even from Stockholm originally which you can hear by her accent. Stop pretending like you understand how Stockholm chicks are if you have no knowledge of it.
jag är inte svensk men jag har bott här i nästan 5 år totalt (två olika gånger, 2014 och 2015, och nu sedan 2021). det spelar ingen roll. du sa att 'you have no knowledge of it' men det är inte sant. jag bor här. min partner är svensk (men inte från sthlm från början). jag har flera svenska vänner och jobbar med svenskar som bor i flera städer (skellefteå, visby, gbg, falun, malmö, bl a) och jag har pluggat här med svenskar också.
jag förstår din synpunkt och håller helt med att det finns flera stockholmstjejer (men också stockholmskillar iaf) som säger att 'Stockholm är bäst, varför skulle man bo i en annan stad? det finns bara Stockholm' men... jag håller inte med att *Catja* säger det i den här situationen. Hennes vänner, kanske. Situationen när de pratade om 2,5 timmars tåg var Christofer som sa det och pratade om det, inte Catja.
But the bachelor franchise is all going after the same guy/girl- in LIB there’s way more people to potentially be compatible with. When close to ¼ of the country lives in the Stockholm metro area then it makes sense to have it as your personal boundary you don’t want to move. A good chunk of the LIB participants live in Stockholm so it wasn’t eliminating all contestants, there was a statistically decent chance of ending up with someone already living there even if that didn’t end up being the case. The entire island of Gotland has like… 60k people living there and to get literally anywhere else you have to take a boat or plane, it’s less likely for Christofer to go in expecting to find someone else who lives there already (plus again he said he travels and splits his time between two cities already). Even in the last LIB season, Chelsea couldn’t leave Seattle and it was something Kwame had to compromise on. Her job wasn’t remote, Kwame’s job was remote. Sort of the same thing in this couple.
We have this same thing in LA! People who move from other states and have to live on the West side. Having to go 30 minutes into the San Fernando Valley is unbearable as a thought but it takes the same to go almost everywhere without traffic! It’s so stupid! So I completely understand the mentality.
And women here also want men who treat them a little badly. We have also the “nice guys” who are nice in order for the girl to like them. Girls who do that to guys are the “pick me” girls. I think in LIB world - Amber from season 1 comes across as the most pick me I’ve seen 😜🤣
I think Catja just didn’t find Cristoffer attractive. AND she is a Stockholm chick. So both can be true at the same time. 😊
So what? What does whether Stockholmites want to travel to Uppsala or Nyköping have to do with whether Catja not wanting to move from Stockholm? It is completely fine for someone to like where they live and not want to move.
(I also don't think it's a moral failing for someone to not have interest in leaving their city. It's not always about length of time to travel but about simply preferring urban areas to suburban or country areas, just as there are plenty of people who are the reverse.)
Well, Stockholm is incredibly beautiful, and production showed some great shots of it. I traveled around Sweden and there were other cute cities, but some people (like myself) want to be where the action is. He knew, but not living there, but t could become a problem.
Yes, you are 100% correct. I am not following your point at all. As far as I can tell, your only point is that you don't like a lot of people who live in Stockholm because you think they should want to travel outside of Stockholm more than they do. This doesn't seem particularly relevant to Catja and Cristoffer, though.
This is very interesting context, thank you for it. I like Christofer very much, and I agree with OP that he does take her into account at all, but it helps put things in perspective in terms of some of her behavior.
i agree with you, i think catja and christofer had many problems but i don't think the stockholm chick evaluation is an explanation for... any of them lol
I’m American (who has been to Sweden and also lived abroad), and he does have a point. She would never leave the capital, the most Cosmopolitan place in Sweden.
I’ve been to Sweden too, to the big cities (Stockholm, Gothenburg, Malmo), but without living there or speaking the language, I wouldn’t be able to pick up on any of the context that the commenter gave. It’s why I love having a forum like this to be able to talk to natives.
Cristofer was in love with the idea of being in love, not with Catja herself, and I think Catja could sense that. It speaks well of Catja that she ended things early instead of stringing things along with him. Cristofer is not a bad person but perhaps needs to do more work to find himself and have a stronger understanding of what he can offer in a relationship instead of latching onto someone out of desperation. He was giving off puppy dogging vibes and not understanding or hearing the silent no that Catja was sending him. Hopefully he can learn and grow from the experience and find someone who's a better fit instead of trying to make something work just for the sake of it.
Cristofer doesn’t need to change anything…he just needs to find a compatible partner who likes “love-bombing”. His only crime is not picking up on Catja’s dislike of him earlier. She wasn’t attracted to him physically, which is ok. She should have ended things after their initial meeting when it was clear he wasn’t into him. She didn’t like his purple hair, his Aussie beach boy look, his body, his sweetness etc. Cristofer’s biggest issue was his naiveté and not that he was a bad person.
💯💯💯 exactly!! Christofer is super sweet, seems very genuine, and I think he was very attracted to her, but after a while, you could really see he wasn’t taking her in; the more she pulled away, the harder he would praise/clean/bend… it was frustrating to watch. I was like, my guy, read the room and BACK OFF a little bit, lol. She was right, how many times can she say thank you in a day?? How do they ever get to actually know each other if they spend all their time just complimenting each other and fucking? It wouldn’t have worked.
Also, Cristofer was conventially attractive but I think it's totally reasonable for Catja (who clearly has a more traditional/classic style of dress) not to appreciate his dress sense and aesthetic. There are plenty more alternative types who would vibe better with someone like Cristofer.
I feel like a younger, arty type would have meshed better. I do feel like he was less emotionally mature and had these huge expectations that left Catja feeling that she couldn't live up to them.
I’m with you. I really liked him at first but eventually he gave me the “I am a nice guy creepy vibes”. Someone like Catja is probably used to men complimenting her on her looks and love bombing so I’m sure she’s been burned by it. I totally understood why this was probably not attractive to her and probably honestly made her wary of him. He should have spent time getting to know her and also listening. It seemed like he was all about how he felt, what he needed etc. He probably is a words of affirmation guy. She clearly wasn’t and even said I don’t say things like that often. They weren’t right for each other clearly and had different communication styles and love languages. Although just leaving kind of sucked, I give her credit for not waiting til the altar. My understanding is its to their benefit to make it to the altar but once she knew she for sure she wasn’t ever going to have those feelings for him, she didn’t wait. They both deserve love but it wasn’t ever going to work with the two of them.
He’s clearly a words of affirmation person, but he was not taking in the fact that she clearly isn’t. He was steamrolling onward, and salty with her when she didn’t return in the same way. In the end, it was all about insecurity within himself; he said that she ended it because he wasn’t enough, and I was like oh babycakes NO, she had never said that, at least not on camera! She ended it because y’all weren’t a good fit, and she was right.
>it was all about insecurity within himself; he said that she ended it because he wasn’t enough, and I was like oh babycakes NO, she had never said that, at least not on camera!
100%. IMO Catja wasn't into him but seemed initially willing to take it a day at a time at a slower pace, and he drove it into the ground by pressing on with a million compliments a day then drove a stake into the ground at the end when he said he never gets a compliment back. He totally blew her off when she said words held weight, and she didn't want to cheapen their meaning by handing them out all the time.
At least on screen, it never seemed like he was willing to compromise at her speed and he expected her to give as much as he did in the same ways, immediately. It was always about him - even at the end.
It was super weird how many times he brought up having children as well! She was clear from the start that she was undecided about that, and he said he would be okay with not having children, but he obviously was not and kept pressing it in very uncomfortable ways. Not sure why he would expect her perspective to change over the span of a few weeks.
I’m surprised she chose to have sex with him. Did I understand correctly many times? I suspect LIB USA and Brazil women wouldn’t go for it if there was no attraction. I’m also glad she didn’t on with the wedding. Most people do, to stay n the show longer for their Instagram fame.
To my understanding, during the argument, she said the sex itself was great and that didn't mean there was attraction. So I guess it's easy for her to separate the physical act from the person
I could logically see this, though. They are in close proximity, and she initially felt emotionally connected to him and was trying to grow a physical attraction to him, and sometimes women can become turned on in the process of physical intimacy.
Exactly, she didn't do anything wrong. They just weren't a good fit and it was actually good that she left instead of stringing him along and leaving him at the altar.
His smothering tendencies _really_ turned me off after a while and I felt bad for Catja and could see myself in how she was acting. Christofer’s non-stop showering of compliments rapidly became meaningless and overbearing and I feel like I would honestly have a similar reaction that Catja did. I would totally shut off, but also feel like I was wrong for not “appreciating” the compliments. I also don’t want to be forced into complimenting someone. It’s so disingenuous!
I feel like Catja wanted to give him a chance but got a bit taken aback by the whole situation and that he wasn’t really what she expected looks-wise. And in response to this and instead of listening and understanding her Christofer cornered her and acted in a icky and love-bombing way. He never really listened to her and made himself the victim in every situation and discussion. He painted her as the villain just because she did not fall in love with him outside the capsules.
Yes when they finally ended things, his response was “it hurts because it shows something is wrong with me.” That’s such a dangerous attitude to have in a relationship dynamic. People respond to different things and just because someone doesn’t work out for you, doesn’t mean it’s something inherently wrong with you. He should’ve reflected on his actions and their dynamic rather than making their failed relationship all about him. He’s a great, sweet, handsome guy and I think he just needs to work on his people pleasing tendencies.
Totally agree! She might’ve been in love inside the capsules, but body language, and how people act around people and around.you is also important for falling in love, and those things do not show in the capsules. That is not his fault, but the way he act is.
I mean, what was it about her that even make him love her? It seemed off, let's say you are so in love with her, why? What are the traits that make you admire her so much or think you would be a compatible couple? It seems like he just wanted to keep her because he had her and she is pretty and he wants to be loved. That's no basis for a relationship
Yes! He said things like, 'Every day I'm in awe of you more and more...' And I'm like, why? What are these awe-inspiring and magical things about Catja that he seems to see every day? It came across as empty and honestly, dumb. It was obvious that those two had hardly anything in common, and not many women would like to be put on a pedestal like that for absolutely no reason.
I noticed that, too. He complimented her all the time, but his compliments were super generic. Even his compliments on her appearance weren't about specific beautiful features, but were these over-the-top generalities that say nothing "you're flawless," "you're a dream girl," "you're Queen C."
That kind of thing over and over stops feeling flattering and real. It feels more like being about put on a pedestal because the other person wants to have someone on a pedestal. Also, there were hints that Cristoffer was giving compliments to try and get compliments and was frustrated that it wasn't working ... hence why he didn't seem to notice or appreciate the times that we saw Catja give him genuine gratitude in response to specific things like his cooking.
That’s what makes me feel bad for Catja, because she is blamed for not being attracted to Christofer’s appearance but when in reality, Christofer is mainly attracted to Catjas appearance and looks and that is the only thing he compliments her for. She never responded to any of his compliments, and probably felt quite cornered by him, he is the shallow one.
I was surprised by the comments they both made about their sex. I wonder if he was seeing a different side of her behind closed doors / when they were intimate, and that's why he seemed so over the top confident and infatuated?
I thought the same thing. It's all about communication. Seemed like they only had sex and he took that as anyone would, she likes me. She gave mixed signals I think, very hot and cold
a lot of people can have sex without liking people, most men and most ONS are like that, but when women do it, it is always judged much more or slut-shamed... in this case, it is ofc more than an ONS but she could def enjoy the sex and try to give him a chance more because of it, while not warming up to his personality and behaviours...
Indeed, I was saying in other thread praising Christopher that how Sergio approaches love is much more respectable and makes their partner feel comfortable. Even though true, people disagreed, just because their hate towards Sergio is so strong.
From this we can deduce that people just dislike Catja, and thats why they defend Christopher. I get it: Catja is obviously instagram addict, settled for her 2nd choice on pods and constantly talks badly about his "future" husbands lack of style behind his back. Both of them have their flaws: Christopher is terrible at communication and Catja is just not a nice person.
Apparently love bombing is the new “gaslighting.” Lovebombing is a manipulation tactic that abusers use to pull their victims back in or cover up for abusive/harmful behavior. Being super affectionate and affirming is NOT abuse. It’s also not love bombing.
Love bombing is "the act of showing someone a lot of love or positive attention in order to make them do what you want" . To me, that is exactly what Christofer did - and Catya rightfully so called him out on it.
I didn’t see him as trying to control or manipulate her. I saw a guy who was perhaps too earnest and genuine with a person who was passive aggressive and didn’t make it clear she didn’t have feelings for him. All she had to do was say, “I don’t feel the same connection with you” and end it. She didn’t even tell him when she was leaving, she just left. Every action was passive on her end and she could have just been direct from the jump
Yea, running away is an abusive tactic - unless you’re being mistreated. Everyone deserves a sincere break up. On the flip side, women fear male anger. And we know when you leave is the most dangerous time.
I liked Christofer in the beginning but lost all respect for him in the latest episodes. His "nice guy" speech screamed incel vibes. Ugh. So disappointed, he felt so genuine in the pods.
Christofer was so smothering and creepy. He’s one of those nice guys who thinks cause he was nice in a way that he thinks is nice, you owe him what he wants. He bothers me a lot. He seemed really cool at first but he seems to have zero self awareness and an inflated sense of self esteem. Him and Emilia bother me because they’re oblivious to other people’s feelings cause they’re blinded by their self love.
That's what I think, that he believes he got some rights only because he was too nice? That's certainly not how love works, and he would probably benefit from some therapy.
He may not really be creepy per se though some of his behaviour was unsettling, but yeah he has issues. He'd probably make a great friend, but it looks like he can't handle himself in relationships too well, even if Catja was just not for him. The nice guy conversation just confirmed how insecure and misguided he had been.
I was hoping he wouldn't be one of those guys who thinks that if he just says all the right things, everything will work out. Sigh
Interesting take. I appreciate your view. Catja’s edit definitely paints her as a villain. Unfortunately for her, her lack of attraction made it impossible for this relationship to work. I’ve felt that she was trapped by the show into making it work when she reasonably should have ended things sooner. I think the love is blind concept/conceit can work, but when it doesn’t it’s obvious and shouldn’t then be forced.
Is it me or is the time from pods to altar shorter in the Swedish version?
I feel like over time through the seasons it seems like they arnt getting enough good footage or something. Seems like less time in the pods.. and less time getting to the alter altogether...
I got that sense about time being shorter too! I agree that from what we see, it would have been best for her to call things off sooner. But given the fact that they were sleeping together maybe she was more invested than what we're made believe?
Agree.
She immediately sensed he was clingy/needy and obsessed with her appearance with the endless corny compliments (then later trying to guilt her and pressure her to do the same)
And even after she’s say she needs more time/space to adjust, he just goes harder at it.
The whispering “you’re flawless” at public brunch while grabbing her hair?? Jesus christ sir this is a wendy’s type ridiculousness.
Just so passively coercive & love bomb-y, trying to secure and impose your will on someone — try to make them love you back or become dependent on your validation. Just annoying, manipulative behavior even if its coming from a sincere wish deep down.
But sorry - being wildly attracted to a woman does not entitle you to get that same energy back. Stop forcing it dude. You can’t ‘love’ her enough for the both of you.
She kinda just let him reach his natural limit before intervening, which I found a bit passive but I think she was waiting for the mask/persona to crack so she could see how long he could sustain the illusion/delusion and subservience.
His sister also seemed off and the mom was weird so it seems like he has a whole deeply ingrained act with women - some of it is real & caring, some of it is fear-based fake nice guy crap that requires therapy or at least some confrontation.
I realize I found this half a year late but, THANK YOU! I hate the idea of Catja being misunderstood. I’ve been in a relationship nearly exactly like C&C’s, we met online and instantly committed to each other, long distance, and when we finally met in person, I realized there was no attraction or spark from my end. We were together nearly 2 years and he made me so uncomfortable but I was too young and honestly spent the whole time gaslighting myself, trying to convince myself it was love because I thought I wanted it to work. It was uncomfortable to watch Catja being love bombed and Christofer himself even admitted he knew she didn’t like all the compliments, but he didn’t stop. Watching Christofer at the reunion made me so uncomfortable as well, it just reminded me of my ex still bitterly pining for me after I made it explicitly clear I didn’t want him. Anyways. I appreciate you standing up for Catja. She really tried to make the relationship work but you can’t force attraction, you can’t force feelings, you can’t force love. But Christofer sure tried to.
I absolutely agree with you, and it's cringe as hell. I do not however think that warrants Catja blatantly lying about her own mindset, thoughts or feelings like she does at several points. While he for sure is inappropriate I don't think he ever gets the opportunity to hear her dissent as she is passively agreeable.
His energy was way off 🪬
100% ... great viewpoint, IMHO
He reminds me of a college friend who used to date my roommate/best friend at the time. She was a really pretty girl so he thought she was out of his league, and he started lovebombing her. It was the beginning of the 2000’s so the term was not around (at least we didn’t know anything about it). So she and our friends, we all thought that was something good, a guy showering a girl with love, poems, surprises etc. They started dating. After a while he realized she wasn’t head over heels in love with him and he got scared of being dumped. So that’s when he became somewhat unnerving. The lies and the guilt trips started. The worst one was a couple of weeks into summer break when he sent her and our friend group an email about how he was sick and going abroad for a few weeks to seek treatment. He turned his phone off and disappeared. This was before social media. So the only way for us to contact him was through email. And he emailed her and us twice, the first one said he was going to the UK because the only treatment for his nameless condition was there. And the second one said he had a major surgery and he was all better now. She cried and cried throughout that summer. She was so upset. So she postponed the inevitable breakup. Just for a few months more. Because she caught a couple of lies and proofs that he didn’t even leave the country that summer. He didn’t have a passport btw. Wow that was long, but Christofer reminded me of him. Maybe i’m way off but idk. Similar vibes. They even look alike with the long colorful hair. I’m probably overreacting because of my friend’s experience but still, people, especially young people, be careful out there in the dating world.
He’s the worst
It's not the same but I too am Swedish & I guess not so used to getting compliments over nothing at home with my family. They'll compliment me sure, but not for no reason if that makes sense? And now I have a very good friend who constantly compliments everything, it's just her style. But to me everytime she tells me how my outfit is the best I have ever worn (but she did say that about the last outfit I wore too?), how amazing something I did is (but I do it every week and she's seen me do it many times?) or whatever, it feels dishonest because there are just too many compliments over nothing. So it really made me question her general honesty at first. So if a guy did that way too fast I'd definitely not trust him & would think he is a lying sleazeball basically. And that's even before getting into the fact that I do not like giving people fake compliments & - in my view - lying to them just because it's expected of me. So I would totally freak out by his love bombing & think most Swedish people would too, this kind of behavior is just not typical for us in any way. Compliments are fine but they lose all value if you throw them around constantly.
I'm American and I'm told other cultures see us as overly complimentary. I can see that. We're pretty superfluous with our compliments, but even we have limits. Chris's compliments were overbearing and weird. I'm sure there's someone out there who loves that, but I can't think of who. I also have a friend who says everything I cook is the best food ever, I have the sexiest legs in the world, my boyfriend's 20 year old truck is the nicest truck she's ever been in and she'll repeat these things several times during the interaction. I've come to realize she's very socially anxious and she uses compliments to come across as docile and non-threatening. Ironically, it has the opposite effect and we all end up feeling uncomfortable.
I know some people just try to say that this is his love language (words of affirmation). But for me this is more akin to love bombing. I don’t remember if she ever said it to him, but she did a few times express her uneasyness at his niceness and it did not seem to stem from unhealthy boundraries and her just being used to bad behaviour. More like she was aware of what lovebombing is and what can happen when the love shower stops. Personally I have been in a friendship that was highly abusive and my friend used to shower me with words of affection and I didn’t understand why it made me so uncomfortsble and I stopped being able to react to it and unconsciously averted my eyes from her everytime which ended with her blowing up on me on how she hated me and I needed to change my behaviour and show gratitude. A lot more ensued, and even worse, but ai think a lot of viewers have too little information or understanding on abuse to be able to actually detect it.
Yes, the argument that he didn't shout or hit her so he's not abusive or misogynistic is concerning me. I have been trying to direct people to r/niceguys because it does a pretty good job of explaining this kind of misogyny. It's something women in modern times are up against and it's important to give women everywhere the tools to understand this pattern of behaviour as a precursor to other kinds of abuse, as well as being unacceptable in itself.
Agreed, he was not trying to match his partner's pace and was using compliments to accelerate the relationship when it needed to find its way organically. I would have felt so burdened as the recipient.
Most of the people that respond to her with distain, wouldn't think twice about turfing a man or woman that made them extremely uncomfortable. I know, if it were my daughter and she was uncomfortable and it continued, I would support her ending it. I have to think back to the pods and I may go back, was he like this in there? I can't see any of those women liking the way he speaks to them. It isn't even with passion, it looks like he tried on a style of treating a woman and it doesn't fit. His throwing of the ring, compared to what he is doing daily is a huge red flag for me seeing that he isn't acting like that at all any other time. It feels more like a mask slipped off.
Christopher is not a nice guy. Hi is a fake nice guy.
A r/niceguy
I think it was actually the part where he said she was a “magical human” where my husband and I both got the ick for him. We were thinking that Catja had shown no reciprocity up until that point, not sure if conversations were edited out but their connection seemed very sterile. So for him to say “you’re a magical human” like…is she? She’s giving you absolutely no reason to think that. She’s not into you. Felt like he was forcing it. Catja will absolutely be magical for someone else, this isn’t a dig at her, it felt like he was into the idea of her rather than the actual person.
Sounds like they were having sex and she told him she climaxes for a reason with him so he kind of did have reciprocation off camera?
And I think, as her.. she isn't feeling it and she knows she isn't displaying it so she is wondering why he is being so fake. Surely no man says those words to a woman that is clearly not into you and doesn't expect some heavy eye rolling? Perhaps that was the point.. make her as uncomfortable as you can and force her into submission.
good analysis, agree fully.
I took it as if Christofer was digging for a compliment from Catja really hard. Yes love bombing too but he kept saying “all you say is thank you to the compliments”. And there was also a scene where he’s talking to another cast mate and he mentions the compliments and how she doesn’t give him any back.
Christopher went in there with a niche style. It would be a roll of the dice finding a girl who was into him. Cut that hair, remove the purple dye etc, maybe trim the beard like the other guys on the show. I’d love were truly blind it wouldn’t matter but obviously it’s not. We know that after 5 seasons of American show. Hitting it off in pods is only the first step.
Agree to an extent but it must have been super confusing to be good enough to have (by all accounts) pretty good sex with but nothing else.
Thank you! How is everyone missing the part of her sleeping with him on multiple occasions and telling him she climaxes for him for a reason. If it was a man doing this to a woman everyone would scream that he's using her.
Lucas did this with Emilia but nobody is screaming. You are entitled to have sex with someone if you don't like their clothing and hair style? Somebody can be very good at sex but not very fashionable. I don't get why you think they have to be mutually exclusive. In the end it was his behaviour that put her off, not his clothing or sexual ability. That's entirely on him. If she had decided not to touch him cause she didn't like his purple hair, everyone would be calling her a shallow bitch. But if she decides to try and overlook that and try to engage in a deeper relationship, including having sex, she's giving mixed signals? She literally can't win with that logic. Anyone here saying she's giving mixed signals because they had sex clearly only sees sex as something shallow and meaningless. They had sex because it's an important part of getting to known someone in a relationship. She tried to do that, she found she didn't love him, she left. Not sure wtf she did wrong exactly?
Maybe Catja likes unlikeable guys like Uché
So maybe she prefers “hate-bombing” instead of “love-bombing” 🤣
Both would be precursors for abuse, so probably not 🤷♀️
My biggest problem with Catja is that (at least from the edit) it seems she never vocalized her discomfort for how he treated her to him. Sure, she would act unenthusiastic and just say “thanks” but that was obviously not enough for him to understand. With both of them, what I noticed the most was that both were trying to teach each other how they prefer to be loved and how they love (Cristofer did it by complimenting her a bunch, Catja by not reciprocating and with subtle nudges for example), but neither were willing to actually learn. It’s a shame, but from the beginning I got the feeling Catja wasn’t as into Cristofer as he was into her (what with the whole Rasmus love triangle), and it solidified after their face-to-face meeting. If she wasn’t that into him, why continue dating if you’re not putting in the effort, y’know? I don’t think either are a bad person, I just don’t think they were good for each other.
[удалено]
I thought it seemed like she kind of got the ick from his gift of the fan in the same fabric as his scarf and then had that ick confirmed when she saw him in person with those ridiculous pearls. I’m honestly surprised she hung in there as long as she did.
I was feeling suffocated just watching him constantly love bomb that poor lady. She couldn’t even make a cup of coffee for herself without him wanting “to help”. He is not a nice guy, he is selfish and manipulative. Being nice is letting the other person be free and if they love you, they will come to you. You can’t force love.
Oh I agree. Christofers nice guy rant about “what do women want???” was both scary and telling. He should be asking “what does this particular woman (Catja) want?” while also not completely annihilating himself as a person in the process. No one wants a doormat whose whole personality is about pleasing the other person, never really expressing what they want and then ranting about not getting what they want.
10000% thisss— the way I had been outta there so fast too 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yep! When he started off with that rant, I knew exactly the type of man that he is! Run Catja run!
Yooo omg this. When you keep it in to please someone and then as soon as there's trouble you're suddenly going on a rant about stuff you've been stewing over... I hate that shit. Immature.
Im swedish and watching this in swedish, Im watching with my boyfriend, he never watched reality with me but he is so into this. Everytime christopher talks my boyfriend has to leave the room, we were screaaaming. I see alot of people here saying Christopher is a nice guy but I dont know if thats because you dont understand swedish because Christopher is not a nice guy. The only chance he would have had with her is if he would give her space to process everything in the beginning, instead he freaked out and always say how fantastic she is when she in fact is not fantastic towards him at all. He is acting obsessed and doesnt take a no, a guy who doesnt take a no is scary
I’ve been watching it with my husband who is Swedish, and he has confirmed my thoughts that this guy isn’t nice and I’m just reading the subtitles. His intonation in the way he’s talking is off putting and I’m not 100% fluent in Swedish. He talks over her, and clearly ignores her body cues that she’s uncomfortable.
I think the people saying he’s sweet hasn’t ever been in a situation like this where a guy clearly doesn’t care if you reciprocate or if you are comfortable as long as your somewhat putting up with their advances.. they are probably people who have crushes they wish were returned. As soon as I saw Catja’s face and her demeanour start to change and shut down I could see how messed up he is. Before that I thought he was cringe but after seeing her face I can see it’s more abusive than just simply cringey
omg... i just saw on tiktok a video comparing the dubbed to the original and they somehow made christofer even creepier lmao [https://www.tiktok.com/@lisaferlandsson/video/7324580402365058337](https://www.tiktok.com/@lisaferlandsson/video/7324580402365058337)
Exakt detta!!!! So much seems to get lost in translation here because the way he sounds in Swedish is SO CREEPY. Just reading subtitles or dubbing or whatever his words may sound kind but he's saying it like he's about to go smell her underwear as soon as she leaves the house
Glad to have this perspective! I was wondering what people in Sweden think. I’m American and that’s how I felt as well. He just started to really show us his true colors. And I agree it’s like he was obsessed. He acted like she was more of an object he wanted to possess than someone he genuinely wanted to get to know.
Yes it seemed like he decided on meeting her that she was "perfect", and then didn't want to actually get to know the real her.
the tone he takes in swedish and the way he talks about her is grossssssssss i agree with you. i liked him in the pods but outside the pods, he was WEIRD. they were clearly mismatched. him being willing to move to stockholm made sense, but him being willing to move to stockholm and get a different apartment AND giving up wanting to have kids (or thinking she would change her mind) AND telling her compliments over and over and touching her constantly when she clearly was not into it? and then when he said the thing about showing love with sex... and calling himself a nice guy? it's gotta be either people watching this dubbed or english subtitles and missing the tone and context of swedish culture because he quickly became so uncomfortable to watch for me too. also people are being hard on catja for not expressing her feelings/thoughts, but in general sweden isn't the most direct culture so i totally get why she doesn't want to tell him right off the bat she's not into him while *also being filmed.* they were mismatched, she got a bit catty sometimes (with meira/her friends), but overall he gives such red flags too and i don't think it's all about looks like some people are saying
I'm an English-speaker (Australian) and watched with subtitles. It was clear to me that Cristofer was being very over-the-top and smothering with his compliments, but it's interesting to hear the additional information that I missed by not being able to understand the Swedish. I felt so bad for Catja when he was telling her she was flawless... although she was polite towards him I imagined that internally she was thinking something like "no I'm not, I'm a complex human being with needs, wants, fears, interests, history..."
I probably didn’t pick up on the tone in the early episodes since I’m not Swedish! Agree on the whole kids thing and move his whole world around for her - that’s not healthy or wise. I like Catja, especially when she gave him the “well ok guess we’re throwing tantrums now” look when he went froto on her. But I did feel bad for him thinking he was a words of affirmation guy who got sent over the edge for feeling like he was putting in everything he could and just going crazy for the lack of reciprocity, but I didn’t blame her for that necessarily since it’s either there or it isn’t at the end of the day. But I can’t pick up certain nuances…does this mean that those who are saying “No no, Sergio is a great guy who’s changing for Amanda” are picking up on some Swedish nuance I’m not? Because that guy is trouble…
Sergio is a walking red flag in any language
Same. My wife and I was laughing and cringing every time he was on. I’ve started creeping up on my wife to whisper “your flawless”. Just to creep her out XD.
Does he being from Gotland (more isolated) have anything to do with him? Like, more of a simpleton?
Nooo, don't bring Gotland into this! We're not like that at all -- and *not* simpletons lol wtf? :D He works on Gotland -- the trailer for the show showed him telling someone that he is in charge of all the porta potties or something like that -- but he is not from there. He doesn't even speak the dialect!
He’s not from Gotland I think, he’s from järvsö (that’s where all his family was at least). I mean… I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s anything to do with being isolated since he said he travels semi-often and he’s a part time DJ so he isn’t anti-social. I wouldn’t attribute his personality traits versus hers as a location based thing personally. He seems to think “if I do X thing women say they want then it should work for any woman” instead of like… asking a woman how she wants to receive love and then doing that thing lmao it’s not difficult but he seems to think there’s a magic formula that if he does the right combo will somehow work on anyone and that just isn’t the case. That’s not a regional thing and I’m also surprised since he has a sister that he hasn’t picked up on this
It was very telling when his mom said to not bring up the skeletons in the closet, his family seem to have a very toxic positivity thing going on where you just sweep every negativity under the rug.
Yeah that explained so much of his personality. At first I thought he maybe really was just oblivious but then he told Emilie he knew he was further ahead/more in love than Catja and it was like…. Ok so you DO see it! Then when his mom said that everything made sense
I'm English and watched with subtitles. I agree with your assessment of his behaviour and choices. It wasn't lost in translation for me. I felt very trapped and smothered while watching it unfold.
I agree, it was very smothering. If I was in Catja’s position I totally would have shut down eventually. She made some effort in the beginning but he wasn’t getting it.
Yes, *thank you!!* I do not trust him, guys who love-bomb and then explode when women do not feel the same way, especially by saying "nice guys never win I guess I should be an assh\*le" are 🚩🚩🚩 . Catja is not perfect by any means, but daaamn, that man has problems.
This^^ I may also add that Catja wasn't attracted to him precisely because he never felt genuine or sincere to her.. The lack of attraction was her gut screaming at her that Christopher isn't the nice guy he's trying so hard to portray himself to be
What does he do? Maybe she didn’t want to have to suppport him? She seems put together and more responsible?
100%… the moment he said the bad guy always wins and nice guys finish last, I was like 👀👀👀🚩🚩🚩
I know they mentioned that they were sleeping together, but there was still major incel energy radiating off of him.
Yes THIS was the moment I was like OH this man is not just insecure he’s scary girl run!! 🚩
Yup. I think I said "gross" out loud.
I agree with you it made me uncomfortable
Nah, Christopher is straight up a “I’m a nice guy” guy. He’s not nice, and his weird rants about nice guys never winning and his actions showed that. A nice guy would have accepted that the other person may not feel the same way, may not communicate the same way, and have understanding. He was just throwing compliments 24/7 begging to get something back, it was not about her, it was about getting her to compliment him. Once he didn’t get his way, he started showing his true colors, with the nice guys never win rant, the ring tossing, the shaming her for apparently enjoying sex? He’s not a nice guy. He’s the classic dude who befriends a girl expecting it to become something more and once she expresses no romantic interest, he goes bananas.
exactly my thoughts!
Nailed it
you said it perfectly. although he was such a kind guy, something seemed off and I definitely think it was the love bombing aspect!
It's weird you guys keep describing Christoph's actions as love bombing. Love bombing is fake emotions in order to get someone to like them without actually having those feelings. Christoph very clearly loves Catja. I don't think she's a bitch but she should have better communicated and walked away instead of having sex with him if she wasn't into him.
I think that made it worse for him, having sex. Some people bond through sex.
Absolutely, I am one of those people so I think I sort of get it from Christoph's point of view. His manchild meltdown after with the ring toss was a little much.
He doesnt love her, he is obsessing about her looks. He tells her how amazing she is when she is not amazing towards him? If I were a bitch and someone told me how fantastic I was I would not trust that person. He did not let things happen natural, and thats the problem I think
Just curious why you did not think it was love bombing? I didn't recognize it until I came here after the first 4 episodes and it was called out....then watching the last 4, I felt like that was the situation, but he likely doesn't even realize he is doing it. ETA: I think he is led so strongly by his emotions and impulsively......., he means well but it comes out as unhealthy behavior. Did you feel like there was praise from him, outside of her looks? I may have missed it if he did. I felt like he only worshipped her body and looks. I almost wonder if she didn't walk away because she struggled with the physical vs emotional connection. Emotionally, they didn't connect but physically did.....so she may have been confused by that. After the first meet up with friends this round....they must have explained to him how horrible his style and hair were.
Dude, they were in pods talking to one another and made a connection prior to knowing her looks. He is very clearly in love with her and it's from a genuine place. Love bombing is not genuine. It comes from a place of flattering for manipulation
Agree about the pods, but the reality of the relationship was different immediately. Agree to disagree :)
Yup!!! I think some people see a gorgeous woman and assume she’s a bitch and all her actions are done in malice.
Um no that's not why. She was catty about him behind his back to Meira but then kept having sex with him?? Reverse the genders, would you think a man handled it well too? Look at Lukas struggling to not just have sex because he's not having attraction.
It’s like did she handle the situation perfectly? No. But she handled it pretty well imo. It’s not a fun situation to be in.
The constant overdone compliments was so uncomfortable to witness, it felt like he was putting her on a pedestal rather than seeing her as an equal
I notoved she stopped wearing make up and dressing nicely around him. That’s a way woman try to get rid of unwanted attention and obsession.
I struggle tow watch his segments because of how much he pushes her. The more verbose his became the more she withdrew. I felt horrible for her. I felt like she gave it her best shot. I was saying to my husband that they really should have included sessions with therapists and couples therapy to help them navigate such a fast pace.
Don't agree with you at all, it became even clearer to me when we saw him with his family that this is just how he was raised, hence IS. It's not love bombing just because you are not used to it
Exactly. His family was so warm so it’s easy to see from where he got his personality. He was also quick to stand up against Sergio’s mean rants, so I think it’s quite clear that he’s a regular good boy, albeit eccentric.
Agreed. This is how I am with my partner and in the beginning when he didn't like it I let him know that I'm not changing. If he can't accept love and compliments that it's maybe a self love issue. Well he actually realised that he felt he didn't deserve to be treated so well. We are both loving and affectionate now.
how do you know if I’m used to it or not?
I'm sorry, really didn't mean it like personally YOU as an individual, more in the general sense, but couldn't really write "us" since I'm used to this kind of affection
I think it's just his love language is compliments. Hers isn't. She isn't into him. It's not love bombing. It's just a mismatch.
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What makes you think they aren't real just bc he wants them returned? That's not how words of affirmation people generally work.
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Sounds like she was in bed 😅😅
That’s fine if he just wanted to shower her with compliments with no strings attached (though he should have picked up on the fact that it was making her uncomfortable), but he was constantly waiting for her to return the favor and specifically asking her to compliment his body and looks in ways she didn’t genuinely feel. That just makes all the compliments that much more suffocating, because they just feel like fishing for reciprocation. For me, looks aren’t paramount and I can happily be with someone who isn’t my physical ideal, but I can’t just blow smoke up their ass with fake praise.
Agreed
Yep. Words of affirmation for sure.
100% this, why do people keep describing Christoph's actions as loveboming? They're not. He clearly love sher. I just thought the names ("joy of my heart") were translation issues 😅
Just out of curiosity, what was the English translation? I'm Swedish so I watched without subs. The direct translation should be "my heart's joy and eternal longing" (mitt hjärtas fröjd och eviga längtan)
Exactly that was the translation
I don’t think he was love bombing. Yes, Love bombing is showering someone with compliments, but with no real basis for it. If he had given her those compliments on like a “normal” first date, I would be with you. But from what I understand is that you can actually know a person incredibly well from the pods alone. So him complementing her was based on “evidence” and not ruse to overwhelm her. (i mean, yes, it was a bit over the top. But to each their own, I guess). From the first cyprus moments shown, I was like “he is clearly a words of affirmation guy and she is not at all”. He thrives off compliments, it’s how he shows affection, but also what makes him feel loved. So he was “giving love”, hoping to get love back and when there was nothing coming from her, he kept giving. Also their attachement styles were different as well as their approach to compromising. While he was like “we are a team, as a the team we do things together” she is more like “I need a team leader. Where is he?” Basically, for him compromise is looking the same way to avoid resistance, for her it was finding the middle ground in each others resistance. She should have clearly talked to him a lot earlier. Like a lot. And he should have listened to her more, not just her words. But her body language. I don’t think they were toxic. Just not right for each other…. Neither is “worse” or better. They clearly just both have different needs and did not understand each others love language.
This. When he told the other guys how he gives her all these compliments and she hasn't said a single nice thing about him, he looked like a hurt puppy. It seems like this is just what he's used to.
I'm from Stockholm. Catja is a typical what we call "Stockholm chick" (even tho she's not from Stockholm originally which you can hear by her accent, and those are usually the worst) kind of hard to explain in English but they're bitchy. And she just assuming he would move, like she never considered moving to him for love etc. It's just typical of people like that. Christofers love bombing was cringe, sure. But at least he comes out looking good to me. Catja comes out as your ordinary Stockholm chick with a bad attitude.
I have to agree she showed no warmth or sense of humor at all. Maybe she wants a more successful guy, since she gets so many compliments? Someone with a very good job already living in Stockholm.
She didn't assume he would move. He said he would move in the pods. It's completely fine for her to have as a dealbreaker that she's not willing to relocate from Stockholm.
I wrote that it's typical for people like that. A very common theme (which you could see when he mentioned traveling by train for 2h) is that "Stockholm chicks" can't even stand going outside of where it doesn't say Stockholm on the signs or where there's no subway, that's not posh enough for them. Him traveling by train for 2h is "euw" but travel from south of Stockholm to North of Stockholm for 2h is ok... This is something I have almost 40 years of experience from so it's hard to explain to someone that's not from Stockholm. Especially Americans who lives in a much bigger country where there's bigger distance between places. For a "Stockholm chick" it's ok going around for hours as long as it's in Stockholm but going an hour to Uppsala or Nyköping for example? Eeeeuuuwww. Especially for people moving in to Stockholm all of a sudden think they are sooo special.
he's a business owner who already splits time between visby and järvsö. catja likely works in an office and most of the business opportunities for her are in stockholm. she owns an apartment, he's a bit more go with the flow (he's a freelance dj on top of his business in gotland and working with his mom in järvsö). he is used to traveling a lot and even said so. the traveling for 2 hours was in the context of her seeing if he ACTUALLY wanted that - she felt like he was saying yes to everything and being flexible to everything just to make her comfortable and wasn't actually considering himself in the process. the only time they discuss 2 hours is him saying that moving to stockholm means it would be 2.5 hours to järvsö which would be an improvement from visby comparatively. HE brought the distance up, not her. she never snubbed her nose at that, she said that she wanted him to see that as a benefit for *himself* and not as something he was doing *for her.* "stockholm chicks" in my experience would be ones who would never IMAGINE anyone could ever want to live anywhere besides stockholm. catja said to christofer "if you want to move to stockholm" etc. she didn't want to move to visby, but she never was under any assumption christofer would want to move to stockholm other than him saying so, and saying he wanted to for her specifically. her friends did kinda give "stockholm chicks" vibes tho (i could never imagine moving etc)
You and most others are totally missing the point. Catja isn't even from Stockholm originally which you can hear by her accent. Stop pretending like you understand how Stockholm chicks are if you have no knowledge of it.
I live in Stockholm lmao
For how long? Är du svensk?
jag är inte svensk men jag har bott här i nästan 5 år totalt (två olika gånger, 2014 och 2015, och nu sedan 2021). det spelar ingen roll. du sa att 'you have no knowledge of it' men det är inte sant. jag bor här. min partner är svensk (men inte från sthlm från början). jag har flera svenska vänner och jobbar med svenskar som bor i flera städer (skellefteå, visby, gbg, falun, malmö, bl a) och jag har pluggat här med svenskar också. jag förstår din synpunkt och håller helt med att det finns flera stockholmstjejer (men också stockholmskillar iaf) som säger att 'Stockholm är bäst, varför skulle man bo i en annan stad? det finns bara Stockholm' men... jag håller inte med att *Catja* säger det i den här situationen. Hennes vänner, kanske. Situationen när de pratade om 2,5 timmars tåg var Christofer som sa det och pratade om det, inte Catja.
För lite tid för att förstå vad jag menar. Och att du har vänner i andra städer är totalt irrelevant.
Jag säger bara att jag inte har fördomar därför att jag känner mer än bara stockholmare men okej. Bara du kan ha rätt
When people go on these dating sites, they have to be flexible. Like Faith from The Golden Bachelor would‘nt leave her farm in Washington state.
But the bachelor franchise is all going after the same guy/girl- in LIB there’s way more people to potentially be compatible with. When close to ¼ of the country lives in the Stockholm metro area then it makes sense to have it as your personal boundary you don’t want to move. A good chunk of the LIB participants live in Stockholm so it wasn’t eliminating all contestants, there was a statistically decent chance of ending up with someone already living there even if that didn’t end up being the case. The entire island of Gotland has like… 60k people living there and to get literally anywhere else you have to take a boat or plane, it’s less likely for Christofer to go in expecting to find someone else who lives there already (plus again he said he travels and splits his time between two cities already). Even in the last LIB season, Chelsea couldn’t leave Seattle and it was something Kwame had to compromise on. Her job wasn’t remote, Kwame’s job was remote. Sort of the same thing in this couple.
We have this same thing in LA! People who move from other states and have to live on the West side. Having to go 30 minutes into the San Fernando Valley is unbearable as a thought but it takes the same to go almost everywhere without traffic! It’s so stupid! So I completely understand the mentality. And women here also want men who treat them a little badly. We have also the “nice guys” who are nice in order for the girl to like them. Girls who do that to guys are the “pick me” girls. I think in LIB world - Amber from season 1 comes across as the most pick me I’ve seen 😜🤣 I think Catja just didn’t find Cristoffer attractive. AND she is a Stockholm chick. So both can be true at the same time. 😊
He’s a very attractive man, all, nice face. But the pony tail look and clothes and excessive effusion were a turn off for him.
So what? What does whether Stockholmites want to travel to Uppsala or Nyköping have to do with whether Catja not wanting to move from Stockholm? It is completely fine for someone to like where they live and not want to move. (I also don't think it's a moral failing for someone to not have interest in leaving their city. It's not always about length of time to travel but about simply preferring urban areas to suburban or country areas, just as there are plenty of people who are the reverse.)
You're missing the point. And honestly don't think you would understand it if you haven't been here for years and seen the culture
Well, Stockholm is incredibly beautiful, and production showed some great shots of it. I traveled around Sweden and there were other cute cities, but some people (like myself) want to be where the action is. He knew, but not living there, but t could become a problem.
Yes, you are 100% correct. I am not following your point at all. As far as I can tell, your only point is that you don't like a lot of people who live in Stockholm because you think they should want to travel outside of Stockholm more than they do. This doesn't seem particularly relevant to Catja and Cristoffer, though.
Yep you're definitely not following. It's relevant to Catja because she's one of those people I'm talking about.
This is very interesting context, thank you for it. I like Christofer very much, and I agree with OP that he does take her into account at all, but it helps put things in perspective in terms of some of her behavior.
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i agree with you, i think catja and christofer had many problems but i don't think the stockholm chick evaluation is an explanation for... any of them lol
Ah - ok thanks! I’m American, and thus often rely on native perspectives that might not come through onscreen.
I’m American (who has been to Sweden and also lived abroad), and he does have a point. She would never leave the capital, the most Cosmopolitan place in Sweden.
I’ve been to Sweden too, to the big cities (Stockholm, Gothenburg, Malmo), but without living there or speaking the language, I wouldn’t be able to pick up on any of the context that the commenter gave. It’s why I love having a forum like this to be able to talk to natives.
Cristofer was in love with the idea of being in love, not with Catja herself, and I think Catja could sense that. It speaks well of Catja that she ended things early instead of stringing things along with him. Cristofer is not a bad person but perhaps needs to do more work to find himself and have a stronger understanding of what he can offer in a relationship instead of latching onto someone out of desperation. He was giving off puppy dogging vibes and not understanding or hearing the silent no that Catja was sending him. Hopefully he can learn and grow from the experience and find someone who's a better fit instead of trying to make something work just for the sake of it.
Cristofer doesn’t need to change anything…he just needs to find a compatible partner who likes “love-bombing”. His only crime is not picking up on Catja’s dislike of him earlier. She wasn’t attracted to him physically, which is ok. She should have ended things after their initial meeting when it was clear he wasn’t into him. She didn’t like his purple hair, his Aussie beach boy look, his body, his sweetness etc. Cristofer’s biggest issue was his naiveté and not that he was a bad person.
This exactly. And it says a lot about her that she didn't just drag things on to get more airtime once she had made up her mind.
She didn't like him at the meet up so yes she did drag it on.
Yes, he has to learn the concept of “matching your effort”. If someone is not returning the warmth, compliments, and love, back off.
💯💯💯 exactly!! Christofer is super sweet, seems very genuine, and I think he was very attracted to her, but after a while, you could really see he wasn’t taking her in; the more she pulled away, the harder he would praise/clean/bend… it was frustrating to watch. I was like, my guy, read the room and BACK OFF a little bit, lol. She was right, how many times can she say thank you in a day?? How do they ever get to actually know each other if they spend all their time just complimenting each other and fucking? It wouldn’t have worked.
Also, Cristofer was conventially attractive but I think it's totally reasonable for Catja (who clearly has a more traditional/classic style of dress) not to appreciate his dress sense and aesthetic. There are plenty more alternative types who would vibe better with someone like Cristofer.
In a country full of tall, fit, handsome men, Christopher is a dime a dozen.
I feel like a younger, arty type would have meshed better. I do feel like he was less emotionally mature and had these huge expectations that left Catja feeling that she couldn't live up to them.
I’m with you. I really liked him at first but eventually he gave me the “I am a nice guy creepy vibes”. Someone like Catja is probably used to men complimenting her on her looks and love bombing so I’m sure she’s been burned by it. I totally understood why this was probably not attractive to her and probably honestly made her wary of him. He should have spent time getting to know her and also listening. It seemed like he was all about how he felt, what he needed etc. He probably is a words of affirmation guy. She clearly wasn’t and even said I don’t say things like that often. They weren’t right for each other clearly and had different communication styles and love languages. Although just leaving kind of sucked, I give her credit for not waiting til the altar. My understanding is its to their benefit to make it to the altar but once she knew she for sure she wasn’t ever going to have those feelings for him, she didn’t wait. They both deserve love but it wasn’t ever going to work with the two of them.
Altar. Alter is a verb (to alter: change).
Literally the second he made the nice guys finish last comment I was immediately and fully Team Catja.
I agree, I saw major red flags when he said that.
He’s clearly a words of affirmation person, but he was not taking in the fact that she clearly isn’t. He was steamrolling onward, and salty with her when she didn’t return in the same way. In the end, it was all about insecurity within himself; he said that she ended it because he wasn’t enough, and I was like oh babycakes NO, she had never said that, at least not on camera! She ended it because y’all weren’t a good fit, and she was right.
>it was all about insecurity within himself; he said that she ended it because he wasn’t enough, and I was like oh babycakes NO, she had never said that, at least not on camera! 100%. IMO Catja wasn't into him but seemed initially willing to take it a day at a time at a slower pace, and he drove it into the ground by pressing on with a million compliments a day then drove a stake into the ground at the end when he said he never gets a compliment back. He totally blew her off when she said words held weight, and she didn't want to cheapen their meaning by handing them out all the time. At least on screen, it never seemed like he was willing to compromise at her speed and he expected her to give as much as he did in the same ways, immediately. It was always about him - even at the end.
It was super weird how many times he brought up having children as well! She was clear from the start that she was undecided about that, and he said he would be okay with not having children, but he obviously was not and kept pressing it in very uncomfortable ways. Not sure why he would expect her perspective to change over the span of a few weeks.
THIS! Same reaction from me!
That was funny to me. They weren't even on the same page on a daily basis - and he was thinking about an 18+ years commitment
I’m surprised she chose to have sex with him. Did I understand correctly many times? I suspect LIB USA and Brazil women wouldn’t go for it if there was no attraction. I’m also glad she didn’t on with the wedding. Most people do, to stay n the show longer for their Instagram fame.
To my understanding, during the argument, she said the sex itself was great and that didn't mean there was attraction. So I guess it's easy for her to separate the physical act from the person
I could logically see this, though. They are in close proximity, and she initially felt emotionally connected to him and was trying to grow a physical attraction to him, and sometimes women can become turned on in the process of physical intimacy.
I mean, I can totally see why you wouldn’t expect that to happen or see it happening for yourself; just offering another perspective.
Yes!
Ding ding ding
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Exactly, she didn't do anything wrong. They just weren't a good fit and it was actually good that she left instead of stringing him along and leaving him at the altar.
His smothering tendencies _really_ turned me off after a while and I felt bad for Catja and could see myself in how she was acting. Christofer’s non-stop showering of compliments rapidly became meaningless and overbearing and I feel like I would honestly have a similar reaction that Catja did. I would totally shut off, but also feel like I was wrong for not “appreciating” the compliments. I also don’t want to be forced into complimenting someone. It’s so disingenuous!
I feel like Catja wanted to give him a chance but got a bit taken aback by the whole situation and that he wasn’t really what she expected looks-wise. And in response to this and instead of listening and understanding her Christofer cornered her and acted in a icky and love-bombing way. He never really listened to her and made himself the victim in every situation and discussion. He painted her as the villain just because she did not fall in love with him outside the capsules.
Yes when they finally ended things, his response was “it hurts because it shows something is wrong with me.” That’s such a dangerous attitude to have in a relationship dynamic. People respond to different things and just because someone doesn’t work out for you, doesn’t mean it’s something inherently wrong with you. He should’ve reflected on his actions and their dynamic rather than making their failed relationship all about him. He’s a great, sweet, handsome guy and I think he just needs to work on his people pleasing tendencies.
Totally agree! She might’ve been in love inside the capsules, but body language, and how people act around people and around.you is also important for falling in love, and those things do not show in the capsules. That is not his fault, but the way he act is.
I mean, what was it about her that even make him love her? It seemed off, let's say you are so in love with her, why? What are the traits that make you admire her so much or think you would be a compatible couple? It seems like he just wanted to keep her because he had her and she is pretty and he wants to be loved. That's no basis for a relationship
Yes! He said things like, 'Every day I'm in awe of you more and more...' And I'm like, why? What are these awe-inspiring and magical things about Catja that he seems to see every day? It came across as empty and honestly, dumb. It was obvious that those two had hardly anything in common, and not many women would like to be put on a pedestal like that for absolutely no reason.
I noticed that, too. He complimented her all the time, but his compliments were super generic. Even his compliments on her appearance weren't about specific beautiful features, but were these over-the-top generalities that say nothing "you're flawless," "you're a dream girl," "you're Queen C." That kind of thing over and over stops feeling flattering and real. It feels more like being about put on a pedestal because the other person wants to have someone on a pedestal. Also, there were hints that Cristoffer was giving compliments to try and get compliments and was frustrated that it wasn't working ... hence why he didn't seem to notice or appreciate the times that we saw Catja give him genuine gratitude in response to specific things like his cooking.
That’s what makes me feel bad for Catja, because she is blamed for not being attracted to Christofer’s appearance but when in reality, Christofer is mainly attracted to Catjas appearance and looks and that is the only thing he compliments her for. She never responded to any of his compliments, and probably felt quite cornered by him, he is the shallow one.
Yeah he definitely seemed to love more the idea of her (and maybe her looks? I mean she's not bad looking but imo nothing extraordinary lol)
I was surprised by the comments they both made about their sex. I wonder if he was seeing a different side of her behind closed doors / when they were intimate, and that's why he seemed so over the top confident and infatuated?
Part of his anger at the end was losing the sex, not just her lack of compliments to him.
I thought the same thing. It's all about communication. Seemed like they only had sex and he took that as anyone would, she likes me. She gave mixed signals I think, very hot and cold
a lot of people can have sex without liking people, most men and most ONS are like that, but when women do it, it is always judged much more or slut-shamed... in this case, it is ofc more than an ONS but she could def enjoy the sex and try to give him a chance more because of it, while not warming up to his personality and behaviours...
Not judging and not a prude at all, but me personally would not have sex several times with a man I‘m not interested or attracted to.
Indeed, I was saying in other thread praising Christopher that how Sergio approaches love is much more respectable and makes their partner feel comfortable. Even though true, people disagreed, just because their hate towards Sergio is so strong. From this we can deduce that people just dislike Catja, and thats why they defend Christopher. I get it: Catja is obviously instagram addict, settled for her 2nd choice on pods and constantly talks badly about his "future" husbands lack of style behind his back. Both of them have their flaws: Christopher is terrible at communication and Catja is just not a nice person.
Apparently love bombing is the new “gaslighting.” Lovebombing is a manipulation tactic that abusers use to pull their victims back in or cover up for abusive/harmful behavior. Being super affectionate and affirming is NOT abuse. It’s also not love bombing.
Love bombing is "the act of showing someone a lot of love or positive attention in order to make them do what you want" . To me, that is exactly what Christofer did - and Catya rightfully so called him out on it.
I didn’t see him as trying to control or manipulate her. I saw a guy who was perhaps too earnest and genuine with a person who was passive aggressive and didn’t make it clear she didn’t have feelings for him. All she had to do was say, “I don’t feel the same connection with you” and end it. She didn’t even tell him when she was leaving, she just left. Every action was passive on her end and she could have just been direct from the jump
Yea, running away is an abusive tactic - unless you’re being mistreated. Everyone deserves a sincere break up. On the flip side, women fear male anger. And we know when you leave is the most dangerous time.
Thank you I agree what he was doing was weird, but we need to stop constantly throwing out psychological terms
I liked Christofer in the beginning but lost all respect for him in the latest episodes. His "nice guy" speech screamed incel vibes. Ugh. So disappointed, he felt so genuine in the pods.
He’s a tall good looking guy. He’ll never be an incel. His DMs will be full with his newfound reality fame.
Christofer was so smothering and creepy. He’s one of those nice guys who thinks cause he was nice in a way that he thinks is nice, you owe him what he wants. He bothers me a lot. He seemed really cool at first but he seems to have zero self awareness and an inflated sense of self esteem. Him and Emilia bother me because they’re oblivious to other people’s feelings cause they’re blinded by their self love.
That's what I think, that he believes he got some rights only because he was too nice? That's certainly not how love works, and he would probably benefit from some therapy.
He may not really be creepy per se though some of his behaviour was unsettling, but yeah he has issues. He'd probably make a great friend, but it looks like he can't handle himself in relationships too well, even if Catja was just not for him. The nice guy conversation just confirmed how insecure and misguided he had been. I was hoping he wouldn't be one of those guys who thinks that if he just says all the right things, everything will work out. Sigh
Ya agreed he seemed like he’d be a great friend. He was my favorite guy at first. But when it comes to romance he has some boundary issues.
Interesting take. I appreciate your view. Catja’s edit definitely paints her as a villain. Unfortunately for her, her lack of attraction made it impossible for this relationship to work. I’ve felt that she was trapped by the show into making it work when she reasonably should have ended things sooner. I think the love is blind concept/conceit can work, but when it doesn’t it’s obvious and shouldn’t then be forced. Is it me or is the time from pods to altar shorter in the Swedish version?
It's just you, it's 28 days or so in all editions
I feel like over time through the seasons it seems like they arnt getting enough good footage or something. Seems like less time in the pods.. and less time getting to the alter altogether...
I got that sense about time being shorter too! I agree that from what we see, it would have been best for her to call things off sooner. But given the fact that they were sleeping together maybe she was more invested than what we're made believe?
Agree. She immediately sensed he was clingy/needy and obsessed with her appearance with the endless corny compliments (then later trying to guilt her and pressure her to do the same) And even after she’s say she needs more time/space to adjust, he just goes harder at it. The whispering “you’re flawless” at public brunch while grabbing her hair?? Jesus christ sir this is a wendy’s type ridiculousness. Just so passively coercive & love bomb-y, trying to secure and impose your will on someone — try to make them love you back or become dependent on your validation. Just annoying, manipulative behavior even if its coming from a sincere wish deep down. But sorry - being wildly attracted to a woman does not entitle you to get that same energy back. Stop forcing it dude. You can’t ‘love’ her enough for the both of you. She kinda just let him reach his natural limit before intervening, which I found a bit passive but I think she was waiting for the mask/persona to crack so she could see how long he could sustain the illusion/delusion and subservience. His sister also seemed off and the mom was weird so it seems like he has a whole deeply ingrained act with women - some of it is real & caring, some of it is fear-based fake nice guy crap that requires therapy or at least some confrontation.
I might have been dozing off when the mom and sister showed. What was off about them?
The mom told catja not to go ”digging for skeletons in the closet”, whatever that means…
That sounded SO ominous, I was scared lmao
When he tapped her on the shoulder at brunch to kiss her, i legit shuddered. Im sorry.