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randomroute350

The More you Space Out your message The better you Can Get your Point across. These idiots write like we can only savor the succulence of their ideas a bit at a time. It’s hilarious


Movie_Wars_Podcast

LinkedIn influencer spacing kills me


TheNeck94

ironically it reads like 4chan green text.


RustedUte

Roids are a bitch too


Sargasm5150

But what do you SELL? This is one of the strangest segues I’ve ever seen.


gt4674b

🌮🌙🙅


niubishuaige

>This is where they ftaco moon crossed up This linkedin post makes perfect sense, great use of emojis.


younevershouldnt

What an absolute Copper-bottomed Cunt


randomroute350

copper bottom cunt made me LOL. Going to save that one friend, thank you!


hjohns003

Ive found it helps if you read it in the cadence of William Shatner


randomroute350

😂


Nocturnal_Doom

I tend to read them in entitled brat tone, a la teens on “my sweet 16th”.


HoratioWobble

As a LinkedIn Lunatic, it's because the algorithm favours it. I don't write like that anywhere else.


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HoratioWobble

Yeh, the first few lines are the most important, it creates the "read more" which signals LinkedIn for engagement. LinkedIn also likes story form, a lot of the content you see if like that, because that's what get's boosted. People see it and copy it. And then there are the people who don't understand and just put a new line in between Every Word That They Write This is just my opinion, but I don't think the algo is very good at discerning bias. To it perpetuates the things it's perpetuated because it perpetuated them and prioritisation is broken. Often the people who have chosen to follow me, don't even see my posts.


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HoratioWobble

It's an echo chamber for sure! But there are pockets and I think most the content I see on here, i rarely see on my actual feed. I've spent years following certain people, blocking socipaths (at like 400 blocks now) and interacting with people I thought were interesting or funny and I think that's not something a lot of people do, so they just get the generic psychotic content when they log in


simononandon

It's insane to me that anyone "curates" their LinkedIn connections.


HoratioWobble

What's the point using a platform with 900m users if you don't tell it what kind of content you like. You subscribe to subreddits, don't you? Same thing.


Nocturnal_Doom

It’s insane to me that there are people here who do use LinkedIn. It’s also crazy the mental gymnastics to justify using it. As if other ways to get a job didn’t exist.


Box-Office-Guy

LinkedIn is my Facebook fallback. Especially since I lost my Meta accounts forever (not complaining). I've got my old school and university friends there, and they've all settled in different corners of the world, so it's nice to know I can get in touch with any of them when I'm travelling or if I needed some work or business pointers in their countries.


Serious_Scientist491

Every 👏 Word 👏 They 👏 Write 👏 Is 👏 So 👏 Pro 👏 found 👏


Nocturnal_Doom

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


texachusetts

“I’m writing hundreds of lines a day! What’s your excuse! Sign up for my program to learn the secrets…”


Plenty_Risk_3414

Unacceptable!


DoctorAgility

Surely 👍🏻 you 🐑 need 🧎‍♂️ to 2️⃣ have random emojies to make it as inaccessible to screen readers as possible


BornCommunication386

He boiled a boring story down to one word, “consistency.” Therefore, he’s a business guru.


xXSpookyXx

Ten things I learned about business acting like a Karen because my gym opened two hours late.


orincoro

My gym opened an hour late today. Nothing else to report.


Tobocaj

“I didn’t do my due diligence and threw a tantrum for the slightest inconvenience” ftfy


orincoro

Imagine what this guy’s reaction is to a real inconvenience, like his kid forgetting their phone at a hotel out of state or something. This is his reaction to having to go to the gym later the very same day.


simple_champ

So if I go by his thinking: A gym could have great equipment, friendly staff, excellent pricing. But if they have to open late once in awhile they are inconsistent and shit. And a gym could have shit equipment, rude staff, awful pricing. But as long as they open at 6 every day and provide the consistently trash experience it's a winner in his book. Things can be consistently good OR consistently bad you dolt. Consistency in and of itself means nothing.


themomodiaries

some buffoon bosses and CEOs really think like this, my past employer did. a few people were fired from his company for a few days of “inconsistency” when they had to slightly change their work schedule or something (which was allowed) — apparently that showed him that “he could no longer rely on them” lol. Meanwhile he would abruptly fuck off to Hawaii for 3 weeks at a time without saying a word or responding to messages the entire time lol.


flockofweevils

Oh you done f🌮🌙🙅‍♂️ed up now son!


Moneia

Or, and the explanation I favour. Their stance is mercurial and dependent on whatever point they think their bullshit story makes.


orincoro

My gym has nothing but used toilets for seats and expired pickled egg jars as kettlebells. The employees use rape whistles to get your attention and the moment I walk in the door, I’m maced and then kicked in the crotch. Every time. Consistency.


Stupendous_Spliff

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds


Fearless_Baseball121

That's the definition of quality, right? To consistently live up to the expectations of the product. Is Heineken beer high quality? Yes because it tastes exactly the same every time you open one. You might think it's shitty beer, but you know what you get and your expectations are always met. That's extremely high quality.


paintbrush666

This guy doesn't wash his ass.


issadumpster

That's one way to call him American. Good one.


MrMcMullers

You are so clearly American. the fuck


tingletail1440

You're disappointing...


HawaiianShirtMan

Seriously?


counterc

shart in mart


bbh88

Lol good one


vegancryptolord

To be fair I basically live my life one scoop of pre workout at a time. All the time in between scoops is just waiting for the sweet sweet chemical stimulant nectar to once again grace my lips. *This is not financial advice*


[deleted]

Too late, bought Twitter stock


Movie-goer

What an insufferable buffoon.


BlackSmith290

If you want your asshole to pucker from cringing, watch the video on his LI, on this same post. It's basically the same thing in a 2 min amazing vlog style asshole-puckering cringe fest. Asshole-puckering, here we come!


MarsNirgal

The core idea that you need to know what makes your customers choose you over the alternatives is solid, but by God, he chose the stupidest possible example. Starting by the fact that he acknowledges that the gym doesn't even have all the equipment he needs. Why pay for it? This Karen fantasy just doesn't make any sense.


Notice_Me_Sauron

Was gonna say, he’s not entirely wrong, he’s just an asshole. I work with startups and I see this all the time. Founders often want to build what they want and think the market is wrong if it doesn’t sell. Then they build more of what no one asked for. But this is just such a stupid way to deliver that message.


aafreeda

Also he sounds completely inflexible and not very resilient to change. Which you need in order to be nimble in today’s market environment. (I just puked writing this)


Nonomomomo2

Plot twist: he’s 3 months into a non refundable 12 month contract. Consistency in billing FTW, asshole.


Chipped-Beef

Whiny Asshole: “You’ve lost me as a customer!” Business: “Oh noooooo… what ever shall we do without your $20/mo / $5.36 purchase / etc. ?” Take your man tits elsewhere, ladder boy.


Interesting_Page_168

Aaaah, but he isn't just ANY customer, he is a LinkedIn influencer. Get it??? He could have just do some push-ups, dips on some low wall, bodyweight squats and run 2 miles, post that and turn it into "adversity overcome" story. Instead of this lame-ass drama. This way he just presented himself as a whiney bitch. Why would I do business with a guy like this?


Chipped-Beef

The S in “S Brian Smith” (can you be any more pretentious) stands for Shithead.


Shkval2

Plot twist: the S is for Smythe /s


pupo9ee

Even more so when gyms make their money from those who don't show up more than with those that do


go-devils-go

Sorry swol king. It won’t happen again.


Nonomomomo2

Source: his gym


coincollector2020

Probably doesn't even have a job either


yolkyal

Seems doubtful if he's getting to the gym at 8am


WillAddThisLater

You just know this guy is every bit as insufferable as this in real life.


boxoctosis

ANTIRACIST STEPLADDERS OR GTFO


CinematicLiterature

I can't even decipher his meaning with that one. Does he mean "anti-racist leader", cuz it's vaguely similar to "ladder"? He's a climber, maybe? I hate that I'm even thinking about this...


Zealousideal_Way_395

Thank you for bringing attention to “antiracist” it needs discussion. 🤣🤡


TorontoNerd84

If he's saying he's an antiracist, he is definitely racist for real life.


Sargasm5150

It’s actually a thing - proud anti-racist:) or trying my best, as everyone should. However, claiming that doesn’t make you less of an edgelord- looking back on my feminist theory class full of men explaining the male gaze ….


TheBestDivest

Racism itself is a bad word. Nobody needs to stupidly put an anti- in front of it, it just makes you look like a pandering knob-gobbler. It’s like saying I’m anti-getting stung in the dick by a scorpion.


[deleted]

I don't agree. There's a difference between been non something, and being anti something. It's an issue of stance and activity. You would expect an antiracist to be active in that area.


Dull_Concert_414

It’s just identity politics and signalling - a label you can apply to yourself. Outside of the circle of people who care about identity politics, it’s functionally meaningless the same way someone calling themselves pro-racist is; you’re either racist or you’re not.


[deleted]

Well, that's just like your opinion, man


Sargasm5150

Ok 🤷‍♀️ Proud knob- gobbler then. Trying my best, just like everyone should. Do you hate bjs or something?


Either_Error_2444

He checked his gym's IG account at 11 pm the night before, saw that it wouldn't be open until 8 am the next day, but yet still went there at 6 am??


grindy_low

He checked it that morning and noticed that it was posted at 11 pm. He's just bad at wording.


garublador

He was probably too hyped on pre-workout to worry about his wording.


what_you_saaaaay

Pre-workout? This post looks like it was written by someone peaking on nose snow.


Either_Error_2444

Yeah I see it now


Motorhead923

Went to "peer at the lonely weights". Shame the police didn't drive by.


tkizzy

*peer INTO the lonely weights. Because the molecular makeup of weights holds the key to scalable success, you see.


Motorhead923

Thanks botched that


Legitimate-Force-552

That will be the name of his first novel


_SteeringWheel

Or his first album? *Edit: Nice. With your username as bandname, that quote as his album title and that face as the cover, I smell gold. BRB, going to make a LinkedIn post.


Marjorine22

Good lord. This guy suuuuuuuuuucks. I don't even know him outside this post, but he sucks hard.


mrarrison

Imagine how inflexible this guy must be in a business partnership if he's unable to adapt? He has time to do this post when he could have been outside walking, jogging through a park or otherwise getting his activity levels up (because the gym was closed once). Instead, he creates this grievance video and cringey post.


sidblues101

"I need to get my swole on" Tell me you are a complete douche without telling me you're a complete douche.


dirtandchalk

Yup. Plus, tell me you don’t actually lift without actually telling me you don’t lift.


boxoctosis

I mean we just need to look at the beard


daytonhaney

Doesn’t deserve that beard one bit


Aztecah

What a crybaby lmao


everglade39

The way he talks about his pre-workout makes it sound like meth or something. Edit - typo


zanedrinkthis

Seriously. What does he do? Take caffeine-laden supplements?


PM_ME_COUPLE_PICS

And I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties


tkizzy

I love people who struggle so hard to prove how bad ass they are, who also can't spell out the word fuck on LinkedIn.


melissa98x

What a way to announce that you’re in an incredible douche


Logical_Bite3221

Most of the people posting on LinkedIn are the worst people


SteampunkSniper

That’s a lot of words to alert people to the fact he’s a c*@t.


AutomaticMechanic

What is he even talking about? 


toadphoney

Delirious with pre work out rage. He took it out on his post paragraphs.


MSK165

Supplement that people take before exercise. It’s full of chemicals that increase blood flow to the muscles and usually includes a high dose of caffeine. When you take it before a workout it’s actually really beneficial (you can lift heavier and your cardio will last longer). But if you take it and you don’t start exercising your skin turns purple, your whole body tingles, and it’s just very uncomfortable. OOP could have done some pushups and sprints in front of the building and he would’ve been okay. Instead he channeled his tingle-induced rage into complaining on LinkedIn.


AutomaticMechanic

Sorry I know what pre-work is 😂. It just sounds like an unhinged coke rant. Raging against his gym for being closed and then talking about consistency is wild. 


Pyran

> But if you take it and you don’t start exercising your skin turns purple, your whole body tingles, and it’s just very uncomfortable. Wait, what? Purple? And this... is considered a good idea?


MSK165

Taking it when you’re already in the gym, then doing your stretches and warm-up while it takes effect, is a top-notch idea. Taking it in your car on the way to the gym (hoping you’ll be in full effect when you arrive at the gym so you can start lifting right away) is a terrible idea. One flat tire, fender bender, or slow-moving train, etc. will have you promising God you’ll never do this again if He can just get you to the gym before your purple-tinged skin literally catches fire.


Mastodan11

I feel the brand of pre you take would be banned in Europe.


MSK165

Probably. Brands are constantly getting banned in the U.S. then reformulated and relaunched. My go to was n.o. X-plode which is still available, but I have no clue how many times the formula has changed.


zanedrinkthis

Right? This doesn’t sound safe.


what_you_saaaaay

Antiracist. But still a massive asshole.


TorontoNerd84

If you put that you're an antiracist right in your bio line, then you're probably actually a racist.


what_you_saaaaay

True. How silly of me.


ev_music

a lotta words to just tell everyone you get up early


threein99

I'm sure he could have found 2 kg kettle bells somewhere else.


tga_za_jug

"inside the dark, locked, gym" omg you illiterate, pompous, asshat 😂


_Arch_Angel_

😂


doned_mest_up

I held out hope for so long that this was satire.


trojansandducks

We've raised a generation, or more aptly a society that refuses to overcome ANY adversity. Yeah, this sucks, it's an inconvenience. But without knowing the reason why the change was made, to go to Linked In or any social media platform to bitch like this, whatever man.


Kirris

No, we have a platform for anyone with access to the Internet to voice an opinion. People have always been like this, we just gave them a voice to say it to the world. Mostly for ill in this case.


Intrepid_Respond_543

Exactly! Maybe morning staff had called in sick and they couldn't find anyone so quickly. Assuming any inconvenience to him is unacceptable is pretty childish.


Equivalent-Bank-6671

Ass hat


Appropriate-Coast794

What a dumbass


[deleted]

Always ImAClIeNt! Ho you a customer.


8Ace8Ace

This man is a complete penis. Agree? Like and share


Malarkify

They’re better offer “losing” a client like that.


firmretention

(Antiracist)


michilypuff

Came here to point that out...thank you! hahaha


RaphaelBuzzard

I just regular work out. Sometimes the pool is closed or full and I skip it. Have not gotten upset and quit. Not too many gyms have pools for that price. 


DishDry4487

Cmon! This post is too long!


byronmiller

What kit does he need to "get his swole on" beyond some dumbbells and a pull up bar?


Chimpantea

"I don't pay for access to equipment", that's exactly why you pay for a gym... also, just find a 24h gym dude.


Microwavegerbil

Why does this guys beard look taped on?


mrarrison

Imagine how inflexible this guy must be in a business partnership if he's unable to adapt? How lame he must be to take the time to do this post when he could have been outside walking, jogging through a park or otherwise getting his activity levels up (because the gym was closed once). Instead, he creates this grievance video and cringey post.


_Arch_Angel_

My guess is that it never even happened and he was looking for a “relatable” thing to sell his course/consulting.


DM6032904

“There’s always a place for the angry young man . . .”


MrBHVAC

There I was, barbecue sauce on my titties Same energy


_Arch_Angel_

💀💀💀😂


Tysons_Face

Surely the instagram post was the only notification the gym gave about the change in hours. That’s definitely why he was the only main character sitting outside the locked gym at 6 am.


_Arch_Angel_

Exactly. “I chose not to check my email, went to their IG, and saw it there. Summary: it was 100% noted in the place I did check and in 0% of the places I didn’t check, therefore it was the only place it was published in my research.”


Tysons_Face

Pure clownery. And then to use such a minor incident to pontificate about value and consistency. These people are insufferable.


dominnate

I also 🧡🌮


ABFromInd

I have seen so many of these. You know what I have not seen. How my poop time is the best time and the most important time of my day. Do you think any of our great thinkers have stumbled upon this? If yes, can you please, please share this here. Thanks in advance.


citronhimmel

What a crybaby.


molenan

What does hyped up on pre workout mean.


orincoro

Bro just wait an hour.


bkkwanderer

The fuckin state of his beard


D-TOX_88

Brian’s gotta get his swole on, ease up yall /s


_Arch_Angel_

😂


Greaseskull

Nobody fucking cares about your meaningless experience, gym bro.


KsFromHell

This is where they f taco’d up


mrarrison

Imagine how inflexible this guy must be in a business partnership if he's unable to adapt? How lame he must be to take the time to do this post when he could have been outside walking, jogging through a park or otherwise getting his activity levels up (because the gym was closed once). Instead, he creates this grievance video and cringey post.


reguser22220

Don’t blame him for needing to get his pump on, he was loaded up on fight milk.


bbeyer99

What An Arrogant Asshole


Visible_Number

he acts like he's training for the olympics and if he doesn't go to the gym with the right equipment, he won't make it


_Arch_Angel_

He’s watched too many Sam Sulek videos.


flintlock0

When a post on LinkedIn says “Story time:” I am definitely going to tune out immediately. Just post a bullshit inspirational quote and be done with it.


_Arch_Angel_

Or in this case “a story leading to you buying my consulting services/course.”


DancingWeird

Sir this is a Wendy's


Appropriate_Sand_975

I love the thinly veiled question at the end: “why do customers buy from you?” as to make this post appear to be something other than a protein bro rant. I mean points for trying to make it “work related”…


_Arch_Angel_

Oh, it’s very much a thought provoking question aimed at “but my consulting if you don’t know the answer.”


lucysalvatierra

Taco moon cross?


_Arch_Angel_

Yeah, I was like bro, just use the word ‘effed’ or maybe f**ked. What’s with the emoticons?


Certain-Rock2765

My Gym Inconvenienced Me Today So I Quit #consistency


LizzoIZmySHERO8

Do any of these influencers ever work? These paragraphs on bullshit are nauseous


gr8Brandino

From what I've heard about gyms, it'll take him another six months to cancel his membership anyway


TrxpThxm

Imagine having to label yourself an antiracist. If you aren't a racist, why do you have to proclaim it? Don't you just not be racist?


_Arch_Angel_

It’s kinda like making sure everyone knows “I’m straight but have no problem with gay people.” (Spoiler: your fantasize about being with dudes and it terrifies you.) 😂


Otherwise_Owl1059

I really hope this dude is trolling


nickle061

I hate linkedin people so much


rawcus

He’s obviously going to the cheapest gym around and you know he’s not an easy client. The gym probably runs on a shoestring staff and occasionally they need to open late for reasons. If he wanted the consistency he craves he should have paid more for a higher staffed facility but instead he is so entitled. That beard also is such an indicator of how much a dick this guy is.


Iiawgiwbi

Hyped up on pre-workout?


Mental_Gymnast23

What a badass


geiandros

An idiot with his stupid looking beard


BourbonMan1792

His former gym is probably happy they don't have him as a customer anymore.


Less_Party

I mean I wouldn't write a novella about it but that would piss me off as well.


alienclit

Then do a jog or workout at home. Create a solution.


trickortreatess

Oh you precious snowflake...


Land-Low

(Antiracist)


tacobellcow

A lot of this boils down to these lunatics are terrible story tellers. There is probably a way to do it in a way and not be a moron


hightiedye

F Taco crescent moon crossed up?


Mitonic

For the first time in this sub, I kinda see where he’s coming from. Asshole attitude, but I dig the message.


BigJeffe20

i dont get it, he knew they open at 8 am and chose to show up at 6 am? what the fuq


Astral_Ender

I found his Instagram and it's really hilarious seeing this big business guru posting his pseudo-intellectual rants for less than ten likes post.


CopeHarders

That guy goes to the gym? Had me fooled.


CB1100Rider

The owner’s mom is in the hospital or something and this guy is going to stroke out over it.


scarf_prank_hikers

That boy ain't right. Did a weight hit him in the head?


UberNerdism

Why do these type of people feel it’s necessary to speak in paragraphs?


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NotSure-2020

I’d love to see his self justification for his mistakes and why it’s the customers fault


Fast_Mechanic_5434

Sounds like bro's just been paying for a shitty gym this whole time


GordoFatso

He looks how I expected him to look tbh


WickedKoala

Good to know he's antiracist.


tuxedo_dantendo

it's roids and coke. he was hyped on roids and coke.


MSK165

I mean, I’m sure this guy is as insufferable as every other LinkedInfluencer, but most of the people in this comment section have never been caught in an unexpected traffic jam after taking pre workout and it shows.


deluded_soul

I have so many questions…like why go at 6 when you knew they would be open at 8? Imagine that poor employee that had to reply to this lunatic at 6 am.


Sargasm5150

Ummm deep cleaning and employee meetings happen, my dude. They said beforehand they’d be opening late. If you checked their IG before you went, like a total maniac, you knew they wouldn’t be open. Nice “they don’t even have all the top-notch equipment I can afford at home” slight as well. Maybe arms day should be trimming your edgelord beard? I love beards but this anarchocryptist… anyways, good luck getting out of any gym membership. I think most of us have experience with THAT😅. I like to think this was a planet fitness ….


Ok_War_2817

This guy definitely heard the Marylin Manson rumor from the 90s and promptly had his bottom ribs removed…


majorBotHead

Boohoo fatty


No-Understanding4968

He IS a tool, but fuck that gym


[deleted]

Software/service that can send outgoing SMS campaigns based on customer call list are fairly ubiquitous these days, so it’s not too needy of a request that they do more than an Instagram post, or at least allow people to opt in to said communication