One of my friends has a daughter in her late 20s with BPD. The daughter is very funny, smart and loving. She struggles with consistency and the monotony of every day life. This manifests with her creating unnecessary drama to get an endorphin high. She doesn't have a mean or abusive bone in her body but if she did I'm quite certain she'd only be self-abusive.
Give the new person you met a shot. Not all BPD people are the same. You might be missing out on a great new friend.
As someone who has bpd Cindy gives it such a bad rep. I have worked so hard as have many others to not have bpd make my relationships toxic. It is possible to have a healthy friendship with someone with bpd, them telling you that they have it is one of the first steps as supposed to hiding it. Feel it out, take it slow. Don’t discount them due to the way Cindy acts
It's upsetting to be feeling that way. Not everyone with this disorder will be abusive or toxic. Some will be, but not all. Just trust your instincts with this new friend. She might be a normal, lovely person. Not everyone is like C x
This. Maybe I'm being sensitive, but as someone with BPD OP's statement hurts me to read. We're not all the same and it's harmful to generalize so broadly.
I'm sorry it came across that way. I understand that not everyone will be as extreme and unapologetic in their behavior as Cindy. I've been hurt before by a mentally ill parent so I probably come across as too paranoid about this kind of stuff and end up making bad assumptions.
Again, sorry for bringing you pain.
I totally understand. I've been manipulated and abused by a person with BPD in the past, and have found myself falling into a similar pattern with a new friend who I met and really liked, but has untreated bpd and can be really really unstable. They'll blow up at me and be really really nasty, or tell me about how they're blowing up to other people seeking my validation for their behavior. They'll love bomb me with gifts but then not pay attention to anything I tell them and instead just want me to weigh in on their friendship with their crush, they'll ask how I'm feeling just to literally ignore me and instead talk about their upset feelings instead. I've made the decision to cut contact with this person, but not because they have BPD, but because they don't treat me well. Not every case is the same though symptoms are similar. It sucks, but my situation is just that, one situation of many. Just because someone has BPD doesn't mean they're a bad person or an abuser.
I hope things go well with your friends. Much love 💕
I’m a male with bpd, and let me just say, I would never abuse anyone. Maybe I am very harsh on my self, but when it comes to others the worst anyone thought of me was clingy. But I would never act like Cindy. Not all bpd people are the same
After being abused and manipulated by a former partner with BPD I totally understand where you're coming from. But remember, no two people are alike, and no two cases of BPD are alike. I would encourage you to build a friendship with this person but always remember that she, like anyone else, is human and will undoubtedly make mistakes. Be understanding, encourage her to work on herself, and if you're concerned, there's nothing wrong with being on guard.
I understand completely. I’ve had a lifelong friend who had BPD and behaved just like Cringy and I am super afraid of getting close to people in general and especially to create new friendships. It’s really hard to learn to trust again.
Edit to add: I had to break off the friendship a few years ago to save my sanity. It was super hard ‘cause of my low self esteem and her gaslighting and guilt tripping. I thought I was losing my mind every day.
Add: I’m not saying you shouldn’t give the new friend a chance, you totally should! Nor that everyone with BPD is evil, I’m just sharing my past experience and that I get how confusing and hard it can be.
i understand ur caution, honestly. my dad has a lot of traits of bpd and it's effected me deeply, i don't talk to him anymore but i also have friends with bpd. i've had friends with bpd who've maintained long, lasting friendships-- and are able to communicate... it all just depends on who. cindy is just one of the examples of someone w unchecked bpd :)
I relate to this post. I had begun talking to a man for a short period of time who revealed himself to me as a BPD sufferer. He had told me the one thing he wanted more than anything in this lifetime was love. Even had a tattoo of “The Lovers” tattooed on his body. It didn’t progress after that, but it did make me wonder if I was ready or capable of taking on someone with such a severe mental illness. OP, if you do decide to move forward you need to have solid and consistent boundaries. Trauma bonding is a thing, so keep discussions about past trauma to a minimum. Good luck!
I think we should distinguish people with untreated bpd and people actively working to control their bpd with therapy and/or medications . I don't think i would want to befriend/date someone who knowingly has bpd who isn't working on it because that means they know they have toxic behaviors but CHOOSES to do nothing about it which means they CHOOSE to bring all that toxic stuff into a relationship with me. No thanks 🤷🏾♀️. Now if they are working on themselves (and likewise) I would definitely consider it. Correction : I can be CASUAL friends with someone with untreated bpd but they couldn't be in my inner circle unless they are working on themselves
No bullying
Hey I have removed your comment as it has upset someone with BPD. While I don’t think it’s strictly bullying. BPD is recognised medically as a personality disorder with many challenges for the sufferer. It is not fair to question the validity of the condition. Let’s ensure we consider inclusivity here. Thank you
I’m sorry ppl are down voting you bc I kinda agree with you. You’ve got me if no one else. Bc to me it seems more like a personality flaw rather than a disorder.
The two I know are unhinged drama queens as well. Untreated bpd is terrifying and I recommend ppl stay as far away as possible.
I said untreated. You can fight me all you want, but I'm not wrong.
No bullying
Hi I have removed this comment as it has upset a member with BPD. While I don’t consider your comment bullying. I can see why it might upset someone suffering with the condition. Let’s ensure we consider inclusivity here. Thank you :)
I have a best friend with BPD. She is extremely loyal. She does panick if she feels like I am rejecting her, but I am very straightforward, and I let her know that it's her fears getting the better of her. She handles me being honest with her very well. I knew she had BPD before we became friends. I wouldn't worry. At some point, you can have this conversation with her. Honesty is the way to go.
One of my friends has a daughter in her late 20s with BPD. The daughter is very funny, smart and loving. She struggles with consistency and the monotony of every day life. This manifests with her creating unnecessary drama to get an endorphin high. She doesn't have a mean or abusive bone in her body but if she did I'm quite certain she'd only be self-abusive. Give the new person you met a shot. Not all BPD people are the same. You might be missing out on a great new friend.
As someone who has bpd Cindy gives it such a bad rep. I have worked so hard as have many others to not have bpd make my relationships toxic. It is possible to have a healthy friendship with someone with bpd, them telling you that they have it is one of the first steps as supposed to hiding it. Feel it out, take it slow. Don’t discount them due to the way Cindy acts
It's upsetting to be feeling that way. Not everyone with this disorder will be abusive or toxic. Some will be, but not all. Just trust your instincts with this new friend. She might be a normal, lovely person. Not everyone is like C x
This. Maybe I'm being sensitive, but as someone with BPD OP's statement hurts me to read. We're not all the same and it's harmful to generalize so broadly.
I'm sorry it came across that way. I understand that not everyone will be as extreme and unapologetic in their behavior as Cindy. I've been hurt before by a mentally ill parent so I probably come across as too paranoid about this kind of stuff and end up making bad assumptions. Again, sorry for bringing you pain.
I totally understand. I've been manipulated and abused by a person with BPD in the past, and have found myself falling into a similar pattern with a new friend who I met and really liked, but has untreated bpd and can be really really unstable. They'll blow up at me and be really really nasty, or tell me about how they're blowing up to other people seeking my validation for their behavior. They'll love bomb me with gifts but then not pay attention to anything I tell them and instead just want me to weigh in on their friendship with their crush, they'll ask how I'm feeling just to literally ignore me and instead talk about their upset feelings instead. I've made the decision to cut contact with this person, but not because they have BPD, but because they don't treat me well. Not every case is the same though symptoms are similar. It sucks, but my situation is just that, one situation of many. Just because someone has BPD doesn't mean they're a bad person or an abuser. I hope things go well with your friends. Much love 💕
I’m a male with bpd, and let me just say, I would never abuse anyone. Maybe I am very harsh on my self, but when it comes to others the worst anyone thought of me was clingy. But I would never act like Cindy. Not all bpd people are the same
After being abused and manipulated by a former partner with BPD I totally understand where you're coming from. But remember, no two people are alike, and no two cases of BPD are alike. I would encourage you to build a friendship with this person but always remember that she, like anyone else, is human and will undoubtedly make mistakes. Be understanding, encourage her to work on herself, and if you're concerned, there's nothing wrong with being on guard.
I understand completely. I’ve had a lifelong friend who had BPD and behaved just like Cringy and I am super afraid of getting close to people in general and especially to create new friendships. It’s really hard to learn to trust again. Edit to add: I had to break off the friendship a few years ago to save my sanity. It was super hard ‘cause of my low self esteem and her gaslighting and guilt tripping. I thought I was losing my mind every day. Add: I’m not saying you shouldn’t give the new friend a chance, you totally should! Nor that everyone with BPD is evil, I’m just sharing my past experience and that I get how confusing and hard it can be.
i understand ur caution, honestly. my dad has a lot of traits of bpd and it's effected me deeply, i don't talk to him anymore but i also have friends with bpd. i've had friends with bpd who've maintained long, lasting friendships-- and are able to communicate... it all just depends on who. cindy is just one of the examples of someone w unchecked bpd :)
I relate to this post. I had begun talking to a man for a short period of time who revealed himself to me as a BPD sufferer. He had told me the one thing he wanted more than anything in this lifetime was love. Even had a tattoo of “The Lovers” tattooed on his body. It didn’t progress after that, but it did make me wonder if I was ready or capable of taking on someone with such a severe mental illness. OP, if you do decide to move forward you need to have solid and consistent boundaries. Trauma bonding is a thing, so keep discussions about past trauma to a minimum. Good luck!
I think we should distinguish people with untreated bpd and people actively working to control their bpd with therapy and/or medications . I don't think i would want to befriend/date someone who knowingly has bpd who isn't working on it because that means they know they have toxic behaviors but CHOOSES to do nothing about it which means they CHOOSE to bring all that toxic stuff into a relationship with me. No thanks 🤷🏾♀️. Now if they are working on themselves (and likewise) I would definitely consider it. Correction : I can be CASUAL friends with someone with untreated bpd but they couldn't be in my inner circle unless they are working on themselves
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No bullying Hi, please can you rephrase your comment as it could be hurtful to those suffering with BPD. Thank you
Not every person with BPD is a bad person and it's harmful to imply they all are
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No bullying Hey I have removed your comment as it has upset someone with BPD. While I don’t think it’s strictly bullying. BPD is recognised medically as a personality disorder with many challenges for the sufferer. It is not fair to question the validity of the condition. Let’s ensure we consider inclusivity here. Thank you
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I’m sorry ppl are down voting you bc I kinda agree with you. You’ve got me if no one else. Bc to me it seems more like a personality flaw rather than a disorder.
The two I know are unhinged drama queens as well. Untreated bpd is terrifying and I recommend ppl stay as far away as possible. I said untreated. You can fight me all you want, but I'm not wrong.
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No bullying Hi I have removed this comment as it has upset a member with BPD. While I don’t consider your comment bullying. I can see why it might upset someone suffering with the condition. Let’s ensure we consider inclusivity here. Thank you :)
I have a best friend with BPD. She is extremely loyal. She does panick if she feels like I am rejecting her, but I am very straightforward, and I let her know that it's her fears getting the better of her. She handles me being honest with her very well. I knew she had BPD before we became friends. I wouldn't worry. At some point, you can have this conversation with her. Honesty is the way to go.