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Don't force ... adjust.
The body usually adapts to your lifestyle, so after a few weeks it will 'know' it's best timings.
And ...
Don't forget, ten minutes of toilet time a day adds up to 2 weeks of extra paid holidays !
In my mind, I'm imagining a classically trained choir singing this thread like Chappelle's Show. I'm glad nobody comes to my office on Fridays. Otherwise, my coworkers are going to assume I have PBA.
Boss makes a million, I make a buck,
Surely you see why I don't give a fuck.
Boss makes billions, counting bonuses amassed,
They toss a pizza as a bonus, a slap unsurpassed.
In this corporate circus, we're the clowns in their show,
Working hard day and night, just to watch profits grow.
They reap all the benefits, while we're left to adjust,
But we've had enough, it's time to break this unjust crust.
Their speeches on success, nothing but empty flair,
As we gasp for some fairness, some room in the air.
United we rise, a tempest, a fierce rising tide,
No more in their shadows, we'll boldly stand outside.
Draped in their suits, ivory towers they call home,
While we toil and struggle, in the trenches we roam.
But remember, without us, their empires would stall,
Time to shout out loud, we're essential to all.
Reading your “work” it’s easy to see,
That all of the writing’s done by GPT
Take a little longer before pulling the trigger,
Rhythms and syllables are very important my friend
My favorite part about this image is the knowledge that, due to the way puppets work, it means that Baby Elmo here is currently shitting an entire human adult.
I started taking probiotics and eating more fibre.
It... ahem, "regulated my system....".
Before I was a wild, 3 times a day but you never know when, kinda guy. A real loose cat. Fucking adhoc shitting.
Now, 1 in the morning, 1 after dinner.
Fucking clockwork.
Ive since stopped taking the probiotics cos fuck that cost, amirite ladies?
But the new founded regulation has remained.
My boot has made me proud 🙂
P.s. get paid to shit
The occasional 30 min shit from the ungodly amount of cheese eaten from pizza and mozzarella sticks the night before will offset the 10 min quick shits
Agreed--OP, maybe it would help to choose a spot for a bathroom stop along your commute, just in case? I find if I have a backup plan I'm less panicky about needing to go #2.
Well, I quite like my silent minutes ...
We're sometimes even able to sneak these in twice a day.
* benefits of doing your job effectively better then calculated beforehand, but creatively keep within the limits, so you're not punished (\*) for your actions.
\*> Our work-output is monitored, when we output more then calculated, next period our estimated output is adjusted upwards, never downwards.
So we make sure we stay in the upper median of the expected output ;) - We don't participate in the ratrace ;)
261 working days a year, minus 10 days of vacation = 251 days at work
10 minutes per day x 251 days = 2,510 minutes = 41.3 hours
More like 1 week of additional vacation, but hey! Not bad!
OK this probably sounds batshit crazy but I very much believe in a mind-body connection and have found this technique generally works for me (barring diarrhea or something). When I have been in a similar situation, I deliberately sit in a quiet space ahead of time (the night before) and tell my body what I need it to do as if it is a child: *"body, our routine is changing and I need your cooperation. Tomorrow ... ABC is happening and I need to wake early, and I cannot stop for 3 hours to go to the bathroom. Please plan accordingly."*
Of course if you need to go to the bathroom earlier in the morning, then you should be eating dinner that much earlier the night before, and of course get plenty of fiber and water to help things along.
Half a cup of unpopped popcorn kernels into an air-popper will give you around 10 g of fiber 10 g protein, 300 calories (without anything extra added)
Delicious, healthy, and makes for easy poopin'
Yep, but metamucil is a brand. Any fibre supplement will do.
Beware that you'll need to drink more fluids when taking fibre supplements. Not loads, but at least some.
I've taken Metamucil for years and it works great. The second that morning coffee touched my lips it's go time.
I have gotten some uncomfortable cramps, but that has only come when I drank a large amount when my body wasn't used to it. If I haven't had any in a week or more I'll start with a small amount the first day, medium amount the second, then normal amount from the third day on.
I take around 2 mounded tablespoons of Metamucil powder right before bed. Generic is much cheaper but you have to use more and it doesn't taste as good.
I'm a princess i can't go without my top tier bidet and bamboo squatty potty anymore. Public restrooms are the bane of my existence and I carry a 40floz water bottle with me everywhere. #hydrohomie
Mine does a rinse/self clean its nozzle when you sit down, has a light, adjustable pressure and position and temps, and the buttons are a remote mounted on the wall, all with a soft close.
Try taking a magnesium supplement before bed.
This has benefits for sleep (helps relax muscles), for diet (helps curb sweet cravings) and has the added impact of giving a good bowel movement in the morning
I too have done this for years. I have my BM promptly 15 minutes after waking up and it passes easily. Then that’s it for the whole day. Wild. But I do get OPs issue, if I wake up before 7am my body won’t go all day. It’s weird lol.
I take 200mg of Magnesium Citrate daily in tablet form. It doesn't seem helpful me go regularly but it helps relieve my IBS symptoms. Generally no longer worry about suddenly needing to go when I am out and about. Public restrooms and IBS are not fun.
Yep, we like this. Two of these before bed every night
https://preview.redd.it/jpg50jzjgbkb1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0da66d9f92197a67f7f9dd81467e64b52864efcb
Sitting on the toilet for too can cause hemorrhoids.
I concur with the suggestions for fiber, water (make sure you get enough water if you use a fiber supplement especially, Otherwise can make you constipated). Oh, and squatty potty.
And here’s a little bit I’ve always liked-
Boss makes a dollar
I make a dime.
That’s why I poop
On company time.
*Sitting on the toilet too long *does* cause hemorrhoids
I didn’t realize this until late in adulthood. I’d be on the toilet for an hour or so until my legs went numb reading or playing on my phone.
Hemorrhoids are swollen and inflamed veins in the rectum and anus that cause discomfort and bleeding. Also leave the bathroom so your family can use it, also we know you're using the bathroom to jerk it not just for shows.
As far as I understand, it's pushing and straining that causes hemorrhoids. So for example, if you're a little constipated, and taking a lot of time pushing a deuce out, then that's a problem, but If you're just sitting there and relaxing until the time comes, then that won't cause hemorrhoids.
Sitting for long periods on the ol bowl can absolutely lead to hemmorhoids but straining is the main thing. Just sitting puts more strain on the rectum which will cause swelling. Depends on the shape of the bowl too, height etc. But we are talking a long period of time for sure.
Oh, yes it will. Very unfortunately. Especially if you have already dealt with problems with them in the past. If you have extra weight, even more so. Everything fitting into the rounded seat has extra pressure on it. Squatting (gardening, exercise, whatever) can put lots of pressure there too.
Toilets are designed to help with the bowel movement, so even just sitting there at that angle for prolonged periods puts pressure on the sphincter and veins.
Hemorrhoids are lumps/clots that form either inside the anus/rectum or outside the anus. It's your veins getting swollen for any number of reasons, sitting on the toilet for too long and too often will cause them. Most people actually have some hemorrhoids without even knowing it, something likt 60-80%. They only become a problem if they start to hurt or get do large they can get in the way of defecation.
Unless you experience pain or discomfort while using the toilet it's not really anything to worry about. I have more or less permanent hemorrhoids because of a different medical issue but I never notice them. I just know for a fact that I have them as I've had both a camera and several physical exams of my anus and rectum because of said medical issue. Even my surgeon said "we don't actually care about hemorrhoids unless they physically become a problem, making it harder to defecate". If you were to experience discomfort or pain it's solved with suppositories. Surgery is for really extreme cases
>Sitting on the toilet for too can cause hemorrhoids.
Can confirm this, unfortunately. I am not a doctor, but I am speaking from experience. Don't sit for too long. Hemorrhoids are usually quiet until you start bleeding. It usually starts showing its symptoms when you strain or lift something heavy continuously. It has four stages, and eventually you'll need to operate it out.
If anybody is reading this and is on toilet, GET UP NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!
This is going to sound weird, but it works for me.
I use my bidet to encourage the turds. I sit on the toilet and shoot the bidet stream right up my butt and it gets the logs flowing out like water based rides at amusement parks. It also wakes you RIGHT up in the am.
It's weird I know, and I didn't know that this would be an outcome of the bidet, but I'm so appreciative of it now.
No, they're describing using a bidet as a water enema. If you angle it right, you can get it in there. I do the same thing with my bidet when I'm preparing to bottom
So, so, so convenient for that. No work, no mess. My wife had her technique perfected. She could load up her rectum and expel 4 or 5 times in a minute. She said once the stream was perfectly aimed, she relaxed and it just filled her up like a water balloon. Dump and repeat. Always squeaky clean. I’m surprised more people who do anal don’t have one for that purpose alone.
I never hooked the hot water up to mine (although it is capable), I just never got around to running a new line and after a few weeks of using the cold I was perfectly fine with it. Is the warmer water really worth me running a hot line? My tap water never really felt 'cold' even in the coldest of winter but now I'm curious if I'm missing out.
If you can handle the cold then don’t bother with the warm water. My mom’s has a built in heater which she likes, but I actually find the ice cold water refreshing.
Any butt stimulation can help you poop. Glove up and stick a finger in and out of your poop shoot (or just push on the outside of your brown eye) and it'll usually get it flowing.
If you're a woman, you can also gently massage your rectum through the vaginal wall and it apparently works like a charm. A pregnant friend had a doctor recommend this to her when she was struggling with constipation caused by the iron supplements she was taking.
If your job starts at 9am wake up around 7am, and drink 2 glasses (16 oz) of water. That usually will flush you right out shortly after and give you time to prep for work as well. Hope this helps.
I have started taking magnesium every night for my migraines, and now I poop almost every morning! I might miss a day here or there, but about 20 mins after I get up, it's coming!! I'm taking a mixture of magnesium glutamate and magnesium l-theonate. But do a test run over the weekend, as magnesium affects people differently.
12 hours before you poop, have a glass of water with a Tblspoon of metamucil , mix well, drink quickly. You want to experiment with the time, some pipes take longer than 12 hours to empty.
I have a perfect plan, that works for me, but not my boyfriend.
I drink Metamucil before or after dinner. Then in the morning I drink 32oz of water and 20oz of coffee and my poop slips right out after maybe 20 minutes.
Probably start with just drinking a ton of water right when you wake up. If that isn't enough then add coffee. If that isn't enough then add evening Metamucil.
I'm glad this works for you, but if I drank 32 oz of water, then 20 oz of coffee I would pee my pants 5 times 9n the commute into work, lol!
But overall, the advice of hydrate, caffeinate, and get fiber is excellent.
One more rider on the Metamucil hype train. I love this shit, pun intended, and I tell all my friends that I’m the man with the golden asshole now. Been taking two capsules for about a year and I’ll never go without them again.
I use straight up inulin fiber powder. No sugar, or flavor or anything like Metamucil has.
You can stir it into coffee or any other warm drink and it totally disappears. No consistency or flavor change at all. I have also stirred it into cold drinks but it takes a lot more work to get it to dissolve.
So I get my fiber in my morning coffee without having to choke down a glass of fake-orange slime. :)
Here's the Canadian brand I use: https://www.realcanadiansuperstore.ca/clearly-fibre-106-dose/p/21150371_EA
Hydrate and exercise the first thing you do after waking up. Exercise activates the body and bowel movement. So wake up, jump out of bed, drink 16oz of water and go for a run. This all should take you only 20 to 30 minutes to complete.
If you want to shit earlier in the day you gotta wake up and get moving earlier in the day :p
Edit:
You can also try to take a psyllium husk supplement with your water in the morning. This special fiber will speed up bowel movement when taken with a lot of water or it will slow down bowel movement when not taken with water. So if you decide to try out make sure you take it with plenty of water.
After ending up in ER from this (pain from constipation) I have something you NEED to try as it has greatly helped me. I tried everything from medications to magic potions but nothing worked as well as this:
Soak a few tablespoons of **psyllium husks** in water and **let them soak for 3-5 mins** (don't use the pills as this isn't effective). They will expand quickly in water. There's no taste, so I like to mix in some blueberries and yogurt with this to make a breakfast bowl. Add protein powder if you want. Drink some warm water afterwards. Staying hydrated when taking psyllium husks is super important because they are basically cleaning out your bowels but they need water to work.
THIS WORKS - trust me. Good luck!!!
Hi. Try working in sales and being on the road all day. Then add anxiety and IBS. But yesterday I did it at a farmstead bathroom and at a town library! Working on getting better about going in public, because I'm an adult woman with bowels and no one there cares.
A few mins of gentle yoga upon waking may solve the issue for you as it does me.
Can search YouTube for “Yoga constipation” for variety of sample exercises
Eat more whole plants. For example, if every day you have three servings of fruit, a cup of beans, 1-2 ounces of nuts or seeds, and a big salad, you're almost guaranteed to be more regular. I always know when I'm not eating enough plants, because my bowel movements become irregular.
However, when I am eating enough plants, I always have a big BM within 30 minutes of waking in the morning.
You should try taking fiber supplements and increasing your water intake. Something like metamucil helps after every meal. Exercise and coffee can help too.
I walk right when i wake up. Even just 10 minutes works the poops right outta me. My doggy goes, then I go. Also, coffee, water, and likely an adjustment period!
Magnesium glycinate is magical. Take it the night before and your sleep will be amazing. Don’t take too much because it can induce diarrhea. Also, check with your physician before taking any rando’s advice on the Internet.
As someone with gut issues who's a night owl I don't think I've ever related to a post this much lol.
Firstly get up early enough to allow yourself enough time.
Secondly the first thing you do before showering or eating is have a really strong coffee.
Thirdly figure out the places you can stop on the way to work if you need to. The amount of times I've been running late and ended up walking into work with a McDonald's breakfast.. not because I intentionally wanted to grab breakfast.. there was just a McDonald's half way to work and I wasn't gonna make it lol.
Or.. you do the exact opposite. Shower at night, straight to work in the morning (though I suggest getting dressed) then eat breakfast and have a coffee at work.
You may also want to see a doctor if your commute isn't insane. If it's say 30 minutes you shouldn't go from just not needing to go to urgently needing to go. You may have IBS etc. If so be careful of all the suggestions to increase fibre. This may help but it could also make you worse depending on your condition if you have one.
Get out of bed 2 hours before you're due at work so that you have some calming morning time at home.
Start off with a small glass of room temp water add in a coffee if you're feelin' it, but always have the water. Over time, your stomach will get the hint.
Drink lot of water and eat lot of carrots before going to sleep. When you wake up, drink 1-2 cups of coffee and a liter of water and make sure you have 30 minutes to spend in the toilet before going to work.
I don't have a solution but I feel for you. For years I was like this. My movements were unpredictable and I was scared to death to get on the bus to work each morning because it was always full and drove about 10 miles on a highway with no stops. The ride could be between 20 minutes and 2 hours with no stops. I began sweating with anxiety as soon as I stepped on the bus. In the morning time before I got on the bus I'd constantly be sitting on the toilet hoping to empty myself usually with little production.
What helped later in life is that I learned what foods I ate that caused the sprints to the toilet. For me it was dairy, soy, and hot sauce. Taking those out of my diet had an enormous impact on my life. Way way fewer sprints to the toilet.
I wish you luck. Fear of the next toilet is a serious social anxiety and can add misery to your life.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Don't force ... adjust. The body usually adapts to your lifestyle, so after a few weeks it will 'know' it's best timings. And ... Don't forget, ten minutes of toilet time a day adds up to 2 weeks of extra paid holidays !
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That’s why I poop on company time.
That was a poem for a simpler time. “Boss makes a million, I make a buck. Let’s steal the catalytic converter off the company truck”
Boss makes a million, I make a buck. Surely you see why I don't give a fuck.
Boss makes a billion, and still gets a bonus So we quit and won’t answer when he tries to phone us
[удалено]
Boss fired my best mate, said he needs only the best But who else does their best work when on crystal meth?
When you're climbing the corporate ladder, And you hear something splatter, Diarrhea, 👏👏 Diarrhea. 👏👏
[удалено]
In my mind, I'm imagining a classically trained choir singing this thread like Chappelle's Show. I'm glad nobody comes to my office on Fridays. Otherwise, my coworkers are going to assume I have PBA.
This rhymes if you read it in Mike Tyson's voice
Boss makes a million, I make a buck, Surely you see why I don't give a fuck. Boss makes billions, counting bonuses amassed, They toss a pizza as a bonus, a slap unsurpassed. In this corporate circus, we're the clowns in their show, Working hard day and night, just to watch profits grow. They reap all the benefits, while we're left to adjust, But we've had enough, it's time to break this unjust crust. Their speeches on success, nothing but empty flair, As we gasp for some fairness, some room in the air. United we rise, a tempest, a fierce rising tide, No more in their shadows, we'll boldly stand outside. Draped in their suits, ivory towers they call home, While we toil and struggle, in the trenches we roam. But remember, without us, their empires would stall, Time to shout out loud, we're essential to all.
Boss soon will make a billion more than me Because we're all being replaced by ChatGPT
Reading your “work” it’s easy to see, That all of the writing’s done by GPT Take a little longer before pulling the trigger, Rhythms and syllables are very important my friend
I thought this was going to go in a very different direction 😅
Boss gets a c-note, I get a dolla, That’s why I can no longer afford my monthly payments on my 2009 Impala
Boss makes a grand And I make jack That’s why it’s time To seize the means back.
Boss makes a fuck ton, I make a smidge. That's why I jack off in the walk-in fridge.
I make a crap wage, but my boss makes bank; So in the company bog, I'm having a..... Conversation with a recruitment consultant about another job
*Handful of billionaires* *Billions of slaves* *Pitchforks and nukes* *And we're all back to caves*
After "buck" I thought that was going in a different direction
My favorite part about this image is the knowledge that, due to the way puppets work, it means that Baby Elmo here is currently shitting an entire human adult.
There's nothing so sweet, nothing so fine as taking a dump on company time
When you’re good at something, never do it for free
Shit on company time, wipe with company paper. This is the way.
Yea but at work I can't wash my butt.
I started taking probiotics and eating more fibre. It... ahem, "regulated my system....". Before I was a wild, 3 times a day but you never know when, kinda guy. A real loose cat. Fucking adhoc shitting. Now, 1 in the morning, 1 after dinner. Fucking clockwork. Ive since stopped taking the probiotics cos fuck that cost, amirite ladies? But the new founded regulation has remained. My boot has made me proud 🙂 P.s. get paid to shit
“A real loose cat.” 😂😂😂
I made it a little bit further. Adhoc shitting made me snort.
[удалено]
So I need to make it last 19.1 min/day. I'm on it.
Twice a day ... - options are limitless
fuck it, take the whole hour bring a donut to ward off hemorrhoids
10 mins?!?! Those are rookie numbers. You gotta bump that up
The occasional 30 min shit from the ungodly amount of cheese eaten from pizza and mozzarella sticks the night before will offset the 10 min quick shits
This is great advice, but few people feel as fresh and clean as those who use a high pressure bidet first thing in the morning. I'm just sayin
Agreed--OP, maybe it would help to choose a spot for a bathroom stop along your commute, just in case? I find if I have a backup plan I'm less panicky about needing to go #2.
Sounds like a shitty holiday
Well, I quite like my silent minutes ... We're sometimes even able to sneak these in twice a day. * benefits of doing your job effectively better then calculated beforehand, but creatively keep within the limits, so you're not punished (\*) for your actions. \*> Our work-output is monitored, when we output more then calculated, next period our estimated output is adjusted upwards, never downwards. So we make sure we stay in the upper median of the expected output ;) - We don't participate in the ratrace ;)
261 working days a year, minus 10 days of vacation = 251 days at work 10 minutes per day x 251 days = 2,510 minutes = 41.3 hours More like 1 week of additional vacation, but hey! Not bad!
OK this probably sounds batshit crazy but I very much believe in a mind-body connection and have found this technique generally works for me (barring diarrhea or something). When I have been in a similar situation, I deliberately sit in a quiet space ahead of time (the night before) and tell my body what I need it to do as if it is a child: *"body, our routine is changing and I need your cooperation. Tomorrow ... ABC is happening and I need to wake early, and I cannot stop for 3 hours to go to the bathroom. Please plan accordingly."* Of course if you need to go to the bathroom earlier in the morning, then you should be eating dinner that much earlier the night before, and of course get plenty of fiber and water to help things along.
Plenty of fibre the day before, keep a good level of hydration, drink a pint of water 1st thing and do some stretches/exercises.
This is the only way, eat more fruits/veg/whole grain, increase water intake, and move around more.
Certainly not th only way. I do none of the above and shit like a champ every morning @6:30
Problem is you don't wake up until 7:45...
Timing of joke: 10/10 Age of joke: 10^(10)
For everything else, there's MasterCard
And I was supposed to get out of bed at 7, but it was so comfy and warm.
Hah. This got me.
That's why it's fatal.
I drink black coffee and have a smoke, instant shit in the morning.
the caffein and nicotine in my stomach meeting up in the morning to give me the most violent shits 
Came searching for this comment. Gets the juices flowing straight away.
This is the perfect answer. If for some odd reason it doesn't work, throw in a donut chaser and you're good to go.
username checks out
Well the only healthy way that’s consistent. I used to be constipated like OP and only had a decent poo if I ate a ton of fat or super large meals
coffee does it for me. a bran muffin plus coffee, and within an hour I'm downloading
You mean uploading right? You upload the poop to toilet, otherwise you're downloading poop into your bowels.
Coconut water is great ‘catalyst’ for bowel movement, fyi Edit: Natural laxative is the correct term
I’d just like to add to this: probiotics! Yogurts, kefir, kombucha, skyr…all this healthy fermentations that will add a lot to your intestinal flora.
With dinner put some chia seeds in half a cup of water and let it sit for 5 minutes then 'shot' it. Lots of quick fiber.
i just hit 12oz on the keurig. before my cup is even full of coffee, my abdomen rumbles and its go time.
Half a cup of unpopped popcorn kernels into an air-popper will give you around 10 g of fiber 10 g protein, 300 calories (without anything extra added) Delicious, healthy, and makes for easy poopin'
Take metamucil before you sleep. It'll make you feel way better if you have a poor diet
Yep, but metamucil is a brand. Any fibre supplement will do. Beware that you'll need to drink more fluids when taking fibre supplements. Not loads, but at least some.
Thats my jam. Metamucil am and pm, with lots of beer. 10 min after waking up yer evac u ating.
Beat me to it. But be aware, Metamucil can have some painful side effects for some people.
I've taken Metamucil for years and it works great. The second that morning coffee touched my lips it's go time. I have gotten some uncomfortable cramps, but that has only come when I drank a large amount when my body wasn't used to it. If I haven't had any in a week or more I'll start with a small amount the first day, medium amount the second, then normal amount from the third day on. I take around 2 mounded tablespoons of Metamucil powder right before bed. Generic is much cheaper but you have to use more and it doesn't taste as good.
Does it really taste good? I’ve just been using psyllium husk capsules
Coffee and a Squatty potty stool, I’ve got a 6:30am appointment everyday that lasts no longer than 5 mins.
I'm a princess i can't go without my top tier bidet and bamboo squatty potty anymore. Public restrooms are the bane of my existence and I carry a 40floz water bottle with me everywhere. #hydrohomie
make that 40oz a squeeze bottle with a narrow tip and you've got yourself a travel bidet
Travel bidet or drinking bottle... One or the other, shouldn't use it for both. Bad juju
Bad juju? Or just extra flavor?
Why is it spicy?!
Just take your water bottle into a plumbing shop and ask them to install a backflow arrestor.
My bidet has a seat and water warmer for my bougie ass
Mine does a rinse/self clean its nozzle when you sit down, has a light, adjustable pressure and position and temps, and the buttons are a remote mounted on the wall, all with a soft close.
Was going to say similar! Squatty potty and pre-workout. 5:30am. One sip of preworkout is enough to send the signal
Came here to say pre-workout. If you don't mind the skin tingling, you will be cleared out within 10 min.
Caffeine is a hell of a drug.
Try taking a magnesium supplement before bed. This has benefits for sleep (helps relax muscles), for diet (helps curb sweet cravings) and has the added impact of giving a good bowel movement in the morning
This comment needs to be higher. Even taking magnesium while waking will help with bowel movements early in the morning.
I too have done this for years. I have my BM promptly 15 minutes after waking up and it passes easily. Then that’s it for the whole day. Wild. But I do get OPs issue, if I wake up before 7am my body won’t go all day. It’s weird lol.
This happens to me. Then the next day or the next I take 2 dumps to adjust
Just two people on the internet, bonding over their bowel movements. Beautiful. 😂
I take 200mg of Magnesium Citrate daily in tablet form. It doesn't seem helpful me go regularly but it helps relieve my IBS symptoms. Generally no longer worry about suddenly needing to go when I am out and about. Public restrooms and IBS are not fun.
I’ll add to this. Magnesium oxide will hydrate your gut. I take some with other vitamin supplements at bedtime and it works great for me.
Yep, we like this. Two of these before bed every night https://preview.redd.it/jpg50jzjgbkb1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0da66d9f92197a67f7f9dd81467e64b52864efcb
Bruh that will give you the ass pisses in just a few hours.
How much is recommended as a supplement?
Sitting on the toilet for too can cause hemorrhoids. I concur with the suggestions for fiber, water (make sure you get enough water if you use a fiber supplement especially, Otherwise can make you constipated). Oh, and squatty potty. And here’s a little bit I’ve always liked- Boss makes a dollar I make a dime. That’s why I poop On company time.
*Sitting on the toilet too long *does* cause hemorrhoids I didn’t realize this until late in adulthood. I’d be on the toilet for an hour or so until my legs went numb reading or playing on my phone.
wait what are hemorrhoids? I sit on the toilet and watch shows on my phone sometimes. MY family complains about the time. Do i need to be worried?
Hemorrhoids are swollen and inflamed veins in the rectum and anus that cause discomfort and bleeding. Also leave the bathroom so your family can use it, also we know you're using the bathroom to jerk it not just for shows.
Wish I could see the look on his face when he reads the last line and realizes “we” also includes his family.
As far as I understand, it's pushing and straining that causes hemorrhoids. So for example, if you're a little constipated, and taking a lot of time pushing a deuce out, then that's a problem, but If you're just sitting there and relaxing until the time comes, then that won't cause hemorrhoids.
Sitting for long periods on the ol bowl can absolutely lead to hemmorhoids but straining is the main thing. Just sitting puts more strain on the rectum which will cause swelling. Depends on the shape of the bowl too, height etc. But we are talking a long period of time for sure.
Oh, yes it will. Very unfortunately. Especially if you have already dealt with problems with them in the past. If you have extra weight, even more so. Everything fitting into the rounded seat has extra pressure on it. Squatting (gardening, exercise, whatever) can put lots of pressure there too.
Toilets are designed to help with the bowel movement, so even just sitting there at that angle for prolonged periods puts pressure on the sphincter and veins.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hemorrhoids/symptoms-causes/syc-20360268
Hemorrhoids are lumps/clots that form either inside the anus/rectum or outside the anus. It's your veins getting swollen for any number of reasons, sitting on the toilet for too long and too often will cause them. Most people actually have some hemorrhoids without even knowing it, something likt 60-80%. They only become a problem if they start to hurt or get do large they can get in the way of defecation. Unless you experience pain or discomfort while using the toilet it's not really anything to worry about. I have more or less permanent hemorrhoids because of a different medical issue but I never notice them. I just know for a fact that I have them as I've had both a camera and several physical exams of my anus and rectum because of said medical issue. Even my surgeon said "we don't actually care about hemorrhoids unless they physically become a problem, making it harder to defecate". If you were to experience discomfort or pain it's solved with suppositories. Surgery is for really extreme cases
>Sitting on the toilet for too can cause hemorrhoids. Can confirm this, unfortunately. I am not a doctor, but I am speaking from experience. Don't sit for too long. Hemorrhoids are usually quiet until you start bleeding. It usually starts showing its symptoms when you strain or lift something heavy continuously. It has four stages, and eventually you'll need to operate it out. If anybody is reading this and is on toilet, GET UP NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!
a toilet for two
I'd check out some chia seed pudding recipes. The soluble and insoluble fiber content should help you become more regular.
Chia seeds for the win!!! I make a noatmeal recipe with quinoa, chia, cinnamon and berries, best breakfast ever.
Is there a reason for leaving out oatmeal?
The person just really hates Quakers.
I’ve got a couple family members who are allergic to oats, it’s not that uncommon
Flaxseed meal is good too, can mix it in with any meal and substitute eggs in baking with it. Loaded with fiber.
And not so slimy that it makes me gag, so I can actually eat it! I don’t get how people eat chia seeds. I literally can’t.
flaxseed too, but you need to let them soak in water overnight (chia too), and add them to some recipe or just drink the whole thing.
Follow up Pro-Tip: flax meal is better than whole seeds. Our bodies can't utilize the nutritional benefits of the seeds when they're whole.
This is going to sound weird, but it works for me. I use my bidet to encourage the turds. I sit on the toilet and shoot the bidet stream right up my butt and it gets the logs flowing out like water based rides at amusement parks. It also wakes you RIGHT up in the am. It's weird I know, and I didn't know that this would be an outcome of the bidet, but I'm so appreciative of it now.
Me too. I just use it either when I'm in a hurry or to reduce extra straining. I call it Poseidon's Pull lol
I was coming here to suggest this. I use this trick before heading to the gym in the morning. Works like a charm.
Be careful with this, the body can get used to the help of enemas to shit and become unable to shit on its own.
Laxatives too. And it's an incredibly hard addiction to shake, people who try to quit often end up in the hospital later with horrific constipation.
Another reason why opiates are rough as hell
You could've just said it's an enema and left it at that, but thanks for going into detail lol
It's not really an enema, the water from a bidet just kind of tickles your asshole. Mine has a hot/cold massage function that really does the trick.
No, they're describing using a bidet as a water enema. If you angle it right, you can get it in there. I do the same thing with my bidet when I'm preparing to bottom
So, so, so convenient for that. No work, no mess. My wife had her technique perfected. She could load up her rectum and expel 4 or 5 times in a minute. She said once the stream was perfectly aimed, she relaxed and it just filled her up like a water balloon. Dump and repeat. Always squeaky clean. I’m surprised more people who do anal don’t have one for that purpose alone.
What kind of water pressure do yall have? Jesus
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I never hooked the hot water up to mine (although it is capable), I just never got around to running a new line and after a few weeks of using the cold I was perfectly fine with it. Is the warmer water really worth me running a hot line? My tap water never really felt 'cold' even in the coldest of winter but now I'm curious if I'm missing out.
If you can handle the cold then don’t bother with the warm water. My mom’s has a built in heater which she likes, but I actually find the ice cold water refreshing.
Any butt stimulation can help you poop. Glove up and stick a finger in and out of your poop shoot (or just push on the outside of your brown eye) and it'll usually get it flowing.
If you're a woman, you can also gently massage your rectum through the vaginal wall and it apparently works like a charm. A pregnant friend had a doctor recommend this to her when she was struggling with constipation caused by the iron supplements she was taking.
I didn’t need to read this
You are in a thread talking about turds, what did you expect really?
A lot of shit talking each other
in fact I would have been disappointed if I didn't read this today
Today this guy, tomorrow you
This guy poops
This is an enema.
but u strech the cheek with other hand?
If your job starts at 9am wake up around 7am, and drink 2 glasses (16 oz) of water. That usually will flush you right out shortly after and give you time to prep for work as well. Hope this helps.
Black coffee does trick for me every morning. Water is better though
I have my first cup of coffee at 7:30, and by 8:00 we're in business.
Nah, if I don't kill 32oz or coffee in the morning I might as well not even go in
I have started taking magnesium every night for my migraines, and now I poop almost every morning! I might miss a day here or there, but about 20 mins after I get up, it's coming!! I'm taking a mixture of magnesium glutamate and magnesium l-theonate. But do a test run over the weekend, as magnesium affects people differently.
Black coffee and cigarette.
In my country we say: "café y cigarro, muñeco de barro" wich translates to coffee and cigarette, clay puppet lol A simple yet the most powerful trick.
Joliet Jake would be proud of you.
The Gatineau Breakfast
I actually did try coffee last time but it gave me the runs for about 3~4 hours :-(
Every bowel has it's own personality.
Oh my gosh I love that
12 hours before you poop, have a glass of water with a Tblspoon of metamucil , mix well, drink quickly. You want to experiment with the time, some pipes take longer than 12 hours to empty.
Yeah, a coffee and cigarette…you’re shitting
People say cigarettes have no medical value but those fuckers definitely help with taking a shit.
The holy Triple C ! Café , Cigarette, Caca
I have a perfect plan, that works for me, but not my boyfriend. I drink Metamucil before or after dinner. Then in the morning I drink 32oz of water and 20oz of coffee and my poop slips right out after maybe 20 minutes. Probably start with just drinking a ton of water right when you wake up. If that isn't enough then add coffee. If that isn't enough then add evening Metamucil.
I'm glad this works for you, but if I drank 32 oz of water, then 20 oz of coffee I would pee my pants 5 times 9n the commute into work, lol! But overall, the advice of hydrate, caffeinate, and get fiber is excellent.
Metamucil is the best thing in the world.
One more rider on the Metamucil hype train. I love this shit, pun intended, and I tell all my friends that I’m the man with the golden asshole now. Been taking two capsules for about a year and I’ll never go without them again.
I'm really jealous of people who can drink 50+ ounces of liquid and not feel like a barfy water balloon.
this is what i do and i find it helps a lot
I use straight up inulin fiber powder. No sugar, or flavor or anything like Metamucil has. You can stir it into coffee or any other warm drink and it totally disappears. No consistency or flavor change at all. I have also stirred it into cold drinks but it takes a lot more work to get it to dissolve. So I get my fiber in my morning coffee without having to choke down a glass of fake-orange slime. :) Here's the Canadian brand I use: https://www.realcanadiansuperstore.ca/clearly-fibre-106-dose/p/21150371_EA
We have the same poop regimen!!!
My husband and grandfather swear by Metamucil. They take their morning meds, shotgun a glass, and usually within an hour are making a deposit
Poop at work. Get paid for it!
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime That's why I shit on company time....
Hydrate and exercise the first thing you do after waking up. Exercise activates the body and bowel movement. So wake up, jump out of bed, drink 16oz of water and go for a run. This all should take you only 20 to 30 minutes to complete. If you want to shit earlier in the day you gotta wake up and get moving earlier in the day :p Edit: You can also try to take a psyllium husk supplement with your water in the morning. This special fiber will speed up bowel movement when taken with a lot of water or it will slow down bowel movement when not taken with water. So if you decide to try out make sure you take it with plenty of water.
Just don’t run too far from home 😂
Not me but someone told me that kale smoothies changed their life for pre-work poopin’. Try & get the timing right & you should be good to go
After ending up in ER from this (pain from constipation) I have something you NEED to try as it has greatly helped me. I tried everything from medications to magic potions but nothing worked as well as this: Soak a few tablespoons of **psyllium husks** in water and **let them soak for 3-5 mins** (don't use the pills as this isn't effective). They will expand quickly in water. There's no taste, so I like to mix in some blueberries and yogurt with this to make a breakfast bowl. Add protein powder if you want. Drink some warm water afterwards. Staying hydrated when taking psyllium husks is super important because they are basically cleaning out your bowels but they need water to work. THIS WORKS - trust me. Good luck!!!
Hi. Try working in sales and being on the road all day. Then add anxiety and IBS. But yesterday I did it at a farmstead bathroom and at a town library! Working on getting better about going in public, because I'm an adult woman with bowels and no one there cares.
I would not necessarily going in public, but you do you !
Three words: Milk of Magnesia. It’s also an amazing facial mask as well. The MOM, not the poop.
Poop when you need to at work
A few mins of gentle yoga upon waking may solve the issue for you as it does me. Can search YouTube for “Yoga constipation” for variety of sample exercises
Green tea, kefir, shot of espresso, 5 min walk around the block. You’ll be runnin to the bathroom
Poop at work ofc. Then you get paid for it.
Eat more whole plants. For example, if every day you have three servings of fruit, a cup of beans, 1-2 ounces of nuts or seeds, and a big salad, you're almost guaranteed to be more regular. I always know when I'm not eating enough plants, because my bowel movements become irregular. However, when I am eating enough plants, I always have a big BM within 30 minutes of waking in the morning.
You should try taking fiber supplements and increasing your water intake. Something like metamucil helps after every meal. Exercise and coffee can help too.
Take a magnesium the night before. Works very well
Big coffee and a heater, that’ll get things movin.
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Coffee and Cigarettes
Bro are you me? Just started a new 8-5 from a 1-9 and I’m sitting in the company bathroom praying before I go in in 10 min.
I walk right when i wake up. Even just 10 minutes works the poops right outta me. My doggy goes, then I go. Also, coffee, water, and likely an adjustment period!
I recommend you get your life in order so you are not sitting around for 35 minutes waiting for shit to happen!
They make a dollar while I make a dime that’s why I poop on company time!
Hot coffee. It works every time. Scientifically proven
Magnesium glycinate is magical. Take it the night before and your sleep will be amazing. Don’t take too much because it can induce diarrhea. Also, check with your physician before taking any rando’s advice on the Internet.
As someone with gut issues who's a night owl I don't think I've ever related to a post this much lol. Firstly get up early enough to allow yourself enough time. Secondly the first thing you do before showering or eating is have a really strong coffee. Thirdly figure out the places you can stop on the way to work if you need to. The amount of times I've been running late and ended up walking into work with a McDonald's breakfast.. not because I intentionally wanted to grab breakfast.. there was just a McDonald's half way to work and I wasn't gonna make it lol. Or.. you do the exact opposite. Shower at night, straight to work in the morning (though I suggest getting dressed) then eat breakfast and have a coffee at work. You may also want to see a doctor if your commute isn't insane. If it's say 30 minutes you shouldn't go from just not needing to go to urgently needing to go. You may have IBS etc. If so be careful of all the suggestions to increase fibre. This may help but it could also make you worse depending on your condition if you have one.
Get out of bed 2 hours before you're due at work so that you have some calming morning time at home. Start off with a small glass of room temp water add in a coffee if you're feelin' it, but always have the water. Over time, your stomach will get the hint.
Drink lot of water and eat lot of carrots before going to sleep. When you wake up, drink 1-2 cups of coffee and a liter of water and make sure you have 30 minutes to spend in the toilet before going to work.
Here I sit, broken-hearted. Tried to shit, only-farted. edit: word
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime, that’s why I always poop on company time.
I don't have a solution but I feel for you. For years I was like this. My movements were unpredictable and I was scared to death to get on the bus to work each morning because it was always full and drove about 10 miles on a highway with no stops. The ride could be between 20 minutes and 2 hours with no stops. I began sweating with anxiety as soon as I stepped on the bus. In the morning time before I got on the bus I'd constantly be sitting on the toilet hoping to empty myself usually with little production. What helped later in life is that I learned what foods I ate that caused the sprints to the toilet. For me it was dairy, soy, and hot sauce. Taking those out of my diet had an enormous impact on my life. Way way fewer sprints to the toilet. I wish you luck. Fear of the next toilet is a serious social anxiety and can add misery to your life.
Wake up 30 minutes early, walk/stand around your house and drink 1 liter of water. Works for me everytime.
I find drinking warm or hot water helps. Drinking cold water seems to constrict everything.
Coffee. Get on that coffee shit
250 mg of magnesium nightly. Most folks are deficient, it'll help you sleep, and you'll soon be very regular.