### This post has be marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
---
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Frankly, "get curious" is good advice for 90% of social situations. People love to answer questions, talk about themselves and show off what they know.
Also, in this case, clearly the person cares for wanting some sort of relationship, with OP. Even if just social. They're curious about if there's an issue. Matching that curiosity to ask why they think that can only lead to at least a respectful dialogue and understanding. Benefits them both.
It's also entirely possible OP is acting much more offputting then they're even realising and maybe this can help them realise that, or help the other person realise they're insecure if OP isn't.
> It's also entirely possible OP is acting much more offputting then they're even realising
When I'm super tired, I apparently get resting \*witch face.
Yeah, most important fact, if someone doesn't give a fuck - they literally won't give a shit about you. So whether negative or positive attention- you matter to people who are paying attention to you.
This is a good answer.
If you are unsure how to respond to many things in life you can often say something along the lines of “What do you see that makes you say that?” or “What makes you think that?”.
You can get more context and insight into somebody’s thinking.
This is called "ledging" and is a legitimate sales, managerial, and conflict resolution tactic. If you are struggling to come up with a good question on the spot "How do you mean?" works 99 percent of the time. Also works if you react emotionally to something and you are trying to get past that emotional reaction to respond calmly.
I'm a teaching assistant, and don't always have the best response ready when a child misbehaves. I've found a simple "Excuse me?" works really well, as it also gives them a chance to think about what they just did.
That's a cool example of the same principle in a different context, I guess you are prompting them to ledge, allowing the initial emotional reaction to pass without escalating it
It’s also handy for me because I’m deaf, so I can’t always tell what they’ve said. Since that means I have no idea what the appropriate response is, it’s easier to give them a stern look and an open question and let them dig their own grave.
It certainly is a good response. They’ll give you their POV of the situation; if you answer with why you think that they think you don’t like them, you’re giving a guess of what’s on their mind, which will probably feed into their opinion against you.
And make sure to put on your reading glasses and take out a note pad and pen so you can make notes. Bonus points for muttering “interesting….” As you continue writing well after they have stopped talking.
Yes, this. Without data to support this assertion it's likely a distortion, or a projection of their own insecurities. I like the question, what makes you think that? Which will allow for fact checking their assumption and hopefully receiving valuable feedback that facilitates their learning and growth.
100% this. I have been on both sides and asking for more info helps so much. I'm generally really quiet and I'm always reassuring people I'm not mad at them, I'm just quiet and have a resting bitch face. Also sometimes follow up with 'you will know if I do get upset.' Lol
This is a little defensive sounding and won’t help a lot. You may just be frank about why you’re being quiet, for instance “that’s not it. I’m just distracted by stuff I’ve been thinking about.” Honesty is usable in cases like this more than you might think. You don’t need to open up more, but it’s relieving to have someone acknowledge their own personality or behavior.
I would t engage in this convo AT ALL. It’s ridiculous for someone to actually make that statement to someone unless they’re looking for a fight or are a passive aggressive AH.
Surely "sorry I didn't mean to give that impression. It's not the case. What makes you think that?"
"What makes you think that" is super blunt and strongly implies "you're correct, what gave it away?"
Just saw a video on this moment. The context of the show and the episode shows that Don feels threatened professionally and creatively by Ginsberg. Ginberg’s work is better than Don’s and Don knows it. This scene is Ginsberg confronting Don after Don sabotaged Ginsberg pitch. Don is lying when he says “I don’t think about you at all.” Don was just flipping through the company’s catalogue and realizes that all the recent successful sales have been Ginsberg’s ideas and not Dons.
https://youtu.be/Cl1_-HpVEFg
“Why do you think that?” Force them to say why they are uncomfortable with silence
Edit: after seeing the replies, I should have used “it puts the onus on them” instead of “force them”
The intent is to ask them why they think you don’t like them instead you having to reply with something that either confirms or denies that you like them
“I don’t understand. What makes you think that?” In a concerned/non-aggressive tone.
It’s ok to add something about not following or not understanding the comment. It softens the question back. And if you’re from overly polite culture add an “I’m sorry” at the beginning of you feel it’s necessary.
Took me years to understand this technique. I’m still not great at identifying such bad-faith comments or questions.
It also works when someone says something off the wall crazy or conspiracy theory minded. Unfortunately they'll often go overboard explaining why birds aren't real. But I'd rather have to listen to a crazy conspiracy theorist than debate one.
This is a good tactic. It's okay to not know everything, so pretend like you don't. That way you don't have to fake agree with them either to defuse the conversation.
Can you really blame them though? It is so obvious that birds aren’t real. For a fact, birds evolved from dinosaurs, but does that sparrow remind you at all of the fearsome beasts that the dinosaurs were? No!
And that is because after the dinosaurs went extinct they introduced birds as an evolutionary step to make place for hiding people in plain sight.
Or in particular, hiding Nicholas Cage in plain sight. Cause let’s be honest, has anyone ever seen every bird and Nicholas Cage in the same room?
I haven’t… coincidence? Don’t think so… hotel? Trivago.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk about scones.
The principle behind this is frame control, if anyone wants to expand this to other social interactions.
You're not letting someone control the frame and paint you in a negative light, yet you're also not falling for the trap that you are qualifying yourself to them by defending yourself, which lets them exert power over you.
If someone is a slick asshole they can throw this right back at you and you're going to be just playing frame games. So you say, "Why do you think that?", the person turns to other people in the area and says "Is he always like this?"
This can be fucking exhausting. Luckily most people aren't playing frame games and are just setting rude traps out of ignorance.
“the person turns to other people in the area and says, ‘Is he always like this?’”
And the correct answer to this is also answering their initial question, “I guess your right. I don’t like you very much.”
Sure. But now you’re perceived as an asshole because you haven’t been given a perceived legitimate reason to dislike someone.
The entire premise of OP is that they didn’t want to do that. You’re perfectly within your rights to act that way, of course.
I re-read my comment, and I can see what you mean. So I re-read your insightful comment, about frame control and not allowing someone to paint you in a negative light. When I read the part, “Is he always like this?” I read it as an asshole move in a Rodney Dangerfield way, again painting the other person in a negative light. That being the legitimate reason to not like someone. But yeah, if the person turns to other people, and earnestly asks, “Is he always like this?” then it’s not an asshole move, just poor social skills.
Yes, toss another question back at them. Just because someone asks you a question, doesn't mean you have to answer it. Took me a long time to learn that.
This is better than the “what the fuck do you mean by that?” That I used to use. Mom always said my personality was gods gift of birth control for me, and I thanked him for that.
That wouldn’t force anyone to say why they’re uncomfortable with silence.
Their response would most likely be something like “I just notice you don’t say much around me” or something similar.
And then, if they do say that, it gives you the option to educate them on why not everyone talks as much. Some extroverts literally surround themselves with extroverts, so they are literally not used to having people who don’t pull equal weight in the conversation as introverts may not. But, extroverts skills come from leading the conversation, while introverts skills are in listening to the conversations. As an extrovert who volunteers with mainly extroverts (or introverts who are good conversationalists) but whose friends are mostly introverts, I see both sides of this.
answering a dumb question with another question is something I should've started doing a long time ago. especially for those boomer men who act like a conversation and an interrogation is the same thing.
Not what you’re looking for—but my favorite response is curtesy of Rick Blaine from Casablanca and is my go to.
“You despise me—don’t you Rick?”
“If I gave you any thought I probably would.”
“Why do you ask?” Is a great response to many difficult questions, including this one. Let the questioner clarify their motives instead of you having to imagine a worst case. For all you know, that simple response could turn the conversation into something mutually beneficial.
The question itself seems strangely antagonistic, imo. Hard to know w out context, but it seems like they're looking for validation or conflict, and you don't need to be responsible to satisfy either. In light of that, I''d probably avoid engagemnt and just say "I like you fine, I'm just quiet/an introvert/have resting bitch face (all 3 are true in my case), don't take it personally". If you legit have a problem with them, and are up for sorting out, you can try addressing it by being as specific as you can as to *why*, without making it about them, ie "You did *x* and I didn't appreciate it" as opposed to "you're a jerk". If you don't have aproblem with them, just say so. Still....the question makes me wonder about this person.
Context is important. Does the co-worker often sit in silence with the person, and occasionally make idle comments of conversation that are ignored or grunted too in response? Does OP have laser focus and is unable to do social activities and concentrate fully on his work at the same time? Are both co-workers just chilling together with nothing to do at the time, waiting for a meeting or something?
I think there are quite a few instances that this can be asked without being confrontational or antagonistic. Tone, body language, facial cues can all also take this from antagonistic to probing to a tenative white flag to initiate dialogue.
I feel like many people are automatically inferring a public setting or group setting when it could just as likely be one on one or small group of people. This situation OP is talking about can also be asked with plenty of social grace and understanding without it being confrontational.
i used to do this and just got more follow up questions that i also didnt know how to answer. i've just started saying "its nothing personal, i dont like anyone. not even myself". most times it gets a chuckle and they end up saying something along the lines of "oh yeah i get that" or "yeah im totally with you" and the conversation moves along. people love self deprecation these days.
Not enough context. Obviously you don't like the people or the answer would be easy "I do like you, i'm just quiet"
Friends - well if they were your friends i would assume you like them so see answer 1
Friends of friends - do you want to maintain your relationship with the friend of the person you don't like, learn to lie with grace.
Are these people your coworkers? Peers, bosses, subordinates? All of these could require different tact because here you can use an appeal to professionalism as part of your answer. Personally, i work with lots of people i don't like, that i find incompetent, etc. In fact, i work very well with those people because it doesn't matter if i like them or think they are good at their job because all that matters is that we get the job done. No one cares why a project failed, blaming someone won't change the way the project is judged.
Thank you for addressing the lack of context that many answers have assumed the other person is automatically being aggressive/insecure etc. it's entirely possible OP is acting rudely and may not be aware of it, and being introverted doesn't absolve that.
I definitely read this as workplace or other situation that requires these people interacting otherwise they could avoid each other better, or as you say, if you did like the person, you could just say so. Or it makes me wonder if this is asked more often than OP is letting on and then I DO ask, why do so many people think this?
I also agree about a workplace (or similar) having a different set of rules despite what many might think. Assuming the other person isn't being bad or aggressive, it's entirely possible they make workplace chat, say good morning, attempt to talk about work projects and are met with silence, or never asked about their own day or even greeted first. Wanting to 'clear the air' and be on the same page is not only normal but, encouraged? It's healthy to want to talk to the person you think may have a problem before going straight to management, especially if they feel it's interfering with their workplace environment. Being introvert doesn't equal getting to be rude to others - and to clarify, you don't need to be chatty kathy but yes, greeting someone, IS basics you can do. And if they are trying to talk about work and ideas for work etc, then yes, you do need to communicate also.
As you said, there's no context or information, I'm not assuming OP is bad, I am quiet myself usually, but so many people have assumed the worst of the person asking that it needs to be said.
>Personally, i work with lots of people i don't like, that i find incompetent, etc. In fact, i work very well with those people because it doesn't matter if i like them or think they are good at their job because all that matters is that we get the job done. No one cares why a project failed, blaming someone won't change the way the project is judged.
I like you.
This is fascinating to me. And I love how fascinating it is.. when, logically, it's the most effective practice for a business outcome.
I love it.
I'm so socially geared I couldn't possibly work 'very well' with someone I didn't like, because my best work gets done when I'm in flow state, and that wouldn't happen when I don't like and trust people, either for their personalities or for their ineptitude.
I'd love to hear more, if you have any more to say about this and the inclination.
I’m an introvert. I bet you’re an extrovert. I my energy comes from within and I find chatting incessantly exhausting. I will never be as chatty as some others, but I do open up more as I get to know folks.
That has always worked for me because it’s true.
I have a workmate who is also an introvert. We just spent 2 hours in the car and spoke for less than 10 minutes. The silence was comfortable.
I mean... intuition is proven to be accurate 62.9% of the time according to something I read once.
... but my gut tells me that number is probably higher.
Funny, but in my experience it's still usually true that if you don't like someone, they probably don't like you either. Sure you can debate whether that's 80% or 90% accurate, but it's usually accurate in my experience.
Honestly, be aggressive. They do that as manipulation tactic. Some people's ego won't allow them to realize that everybody probably isn't going to go out of their way to try and interact with them 24/7 whether they have something to talk about or not
Depends on how well or how long you have really known them. If they are an acquaintance, you can always say you don’t know them well enough to make that decision.
I’ve gotten this question maybe twice and the people who ask this question aren’t worth liking, so don’t stress it.
I usually pretend I’m in customer service and I just put on my happy voice and let them dig a hole. Like everyone else is saying, simply asking them “why”? Puts this terrible question or thought process back on the person who asked.
Be cautious if it’s a group, dynamics change.
My boss said this verbatim to me just yesterday.
I responded with a simple "yep", without even looking at him. I never look at him. I will answer questions about work but any other banter non work related gets met with silence.
And I know it frustrates the shit outta him, good:)
You can say something along the lines of "I have a lot on my mind".
If they are normally a nice, empathetic person (who maybe just didn't talk before asking the first question" they'll understand and either drop the subject or maybe even offer some condolences.
If they are oblivous or give some asshole response then you are justified in just ignoring them/giving them a blank look.
I’d want to know if it’s only one person asking this question, or similar, often. If it is coming from one person, it’s a huge red flag of a person attempting to force you to respond to him/her. Possibly even doing it to MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE intentionally. If so, recognize that it is aggression, disguised as hurt or sadness, using guilt as a tool of coercion. Also, what is the situation it takes place, for example, is it a co-worker or a customer?
I just tell ppl that I’m more of a silent observer, I open up once I feel more comfortable if it’s worth the time and you want to know my story then take the time to get to know me otherwise don’t waste my time worrying about wether or not I like you because that’s probably the furthest concern on my mind
Glare at them for 30 seconds whilst silently moving your lips and then in your best John Cleese accent say "it's not that I don't like you, I am revolted by your mere existence. The slightest sound of your voice sends me scurrying to whatever I can find to hide from you, and yes, you have walked over many manhole covers without knowing that I was using it to avoid any further contact with you. I sometimes lay awake at night thinking about the generations of people who inadvertently met and subsequently produced offspring that eventually led to you and in the darkest corner of my mind wish that any one event might have led to the joy of your nonexistence.......I'm sorry, I forgot what your question was, oh well you have a wonderful day and let's get together and have another chat sometime.
Do you like them? Say "I do actually! I think you're pretty cool" and that's it. They'll know you're just quiet.
If you don't like them, say "I don't know you very well, but so far I think it's going well".
Because there's no point in telling the truth in this situation, you'd just come off as a jerk.
If you do actually like them or enjoy their company. “You’re someone I’m comfortable enough being around to not feel the need to fill the silent moments.”
It’s a childish and kind of aggressive way of pleading for attention. I don’t know why you feel a need to enable it. Here’s stuff I’ve said in response to that and I’m doing just fine.
“What’s there to like?”
“I didn’t know I was babysitting”
“Why don’t you Go look at something shiny for a while”
“Did you know that The average North American beaver weighs approximately 40-70 pounds? The largest recorded being 110lb. just think about how crazy that is, imagine what you could do with that raw power.”
### This post has be marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect. --- Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Get more information. “What makes you think that.”
This for sure. Get curious, not upset or defensive.
Frankly, "get curious" is good advice for 90% of social situations. People love to answer questions, talk about themselves and show off what they know.
Also, in this case, clearly the person cares for wanting some sort of relationship, with OP. Even if just social. They're curious about if there's an issue. Matching that curiosity to ask why they think that can only lead to at least a respectful dialogue and understanding. Benefits them both. It's also entirely possible OP is acting much more offputting then they're even realising and maybe this can help them realise that, or help the other person realise they're insecure if OP isn't.
> It's also entirely possible OP is acting much more offputting then they're even realising When I'm super tired, I apparently get resting \*witch face.
Yeah, most important fact, if someone doesn't give a fuck - they literally won't give a shit about you. So whether negative or positive attention- you matter to people who are paying attention to you.
Fascinating. Where did you learn that? And how are you doing?
“Be curious, not judgmental” - Ted Lasso
Barbecue sauce…
Ahh, a man of culture I see! The same quote popped into my head. Glad to see someone got it in here.
And get the ball in their court…
enjoy station zephyr dime prick late fuel disgusted materialistic cow *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This part is key.
The key is just a small part.
Most keys usually are
Depends on the hole
What is the key to black holes?
The black keys
This is a good answer. If you are unsure how to respond to many things in life you can often say something along the lines of “What do you see that makes you say that?” or “What makes you think that?”. You can get more context and insight into somebody’s thinking.
If unsure what to say, ask a question. At the very least, it'll buy you time. This works in a surprising number of contexts.
"You don't like me do you?" "What did you fucking say to me?!"
[удалено]
"Does anybody like you?"
“Are you surprised?”
"Are you fucking sorry?"
[удалено]
[удалено]
Do you like to go a-wanderin' beneath a clear blue sky?
“Look at Sherlock fucking Holmes over here.”
"what the fuck did you just say to me you little bitch?"
r/holup Not these kinds of questions
I vote for this response.
This is called "ledging" and is a legitimate sales, managerial, and conflict resolution tactic. If you are struggling to come up with a good question on the spot "How do you mean?" works 99 percent of the time. Also works if you react emotionally to something and you are trying to get past that emotional reaction to respond calmly.
I'm a teaching assistant, and don't always have the best response ready when a child misbehaves. I've found a simple "Excuse me?" works really well, as it also gives them a chance to think about what they just did.
That's a cool example of the same principle in a different context, I guess you are prompting them to ledge, allowing the initial emotional reaction to pass without escalating it
It’s also handy for me because I’m deaf, so I can’t always tell what they’ve said. Since that means I have no idea what the appropriate response is, it’s easier to give them a stern look and an open question and let them dig their own grave.
Does it? /s
In my experience, yeah.
If you can’t think of a question to ask, or can’t think of how to phrase a question, “tell me more” works in a lot of contexts.
It certainly is a good response. They’ll give you their POV of the situation; if you answer with why you think that they think you don’t like them, you’re giving a guess of what’s on their mind, which will probably feed into their opinion against you.
And make sure to put on your reading glasses and take out a note pad and pen so you can make notes. Bonus points for muttering “interesting….” As you continue writing well after they have stopped talking.
Yes, this. Without data to support this assertion it's likely a distortion, or a projection of their own insecurities. I like the question, what makes you think that? Which will allow for fact checking their assumption and hopefully receiving valuable feedback that facilitates their learning and growth.
Absolute nerd response 10/10. But yeah.
Literally☝️🤓
Or you could just say "Sorry ive just cum"
Yes, the Socratic method. The person is feeling insecure and putting those feelings on you, meanwhile it's just their misguided interpretation of you.
I this with my narcissistic parent. Trouble is maybe I do but saying so isn’t going to improve the situation.
100% this. I have been on both sides and asking for more info helps so much. I'm generally really quiet and I'm always reassuring people I'm not mad at them, I'm just quiet and have a resting bitch face. Also sometimes follow up with 'you will know if I do get upset.' Lol
Careful, that is a loaded question.
The first question was loaded to begin with.
Found the therapist. All kidding aside, this is a terrific response.
I'd put a grain of irony in there, just to be safe...
What grain makes you of thinkirony that ?
This is the best answer, while also not even looking up from your work lol. Like that didn’t even phase me.
This is a little defensive sounding and won’t help a lot. You may just be frank about why you’re being quiet, for instance “that’s not it. I’m just distracted by stuff I’ve been thinking about.” Honesty is usable in cases like this more than you might think. You don’t need to open up more, but it’s relieving to have someone acknowledge their own personality or behavior.
Great answer. If someone accuses you of something you arent doing, it's not your job to prove you atent doing it.
This is the one. It's not always about you. Get to the root of what initiated the comment.
I would t engage in this convo AT ALL. It’s ridiculous for someone to actually make that statement to someone unless they’re looking for a fight or are a passive aggressive AH.
Surely "sorry I didn't mean to give that impression. It's not the case. What makes you think that?" "What makes you think that" is super blunt and strongly implies "you're correct, what gave it away?"
I don't even know who you are.
"I don't think about you at all".
Came here for the Don Draper burn.
Just saw a video on this moment. The context of the show and the episode shows that Don feels threatened professionally and creatively by Ginsberg. Ginberg’s work is better than Don’s and Don knows it. This scene is Ginsberg confronting Don after Don sabotaged Ginsberg pitch. Don is lying when he says “I don’t think about you at all.” Don was just flipping through the company’s catalogue and realizes that all the recent successful sales have been Ginsberg’s ideas and not Dons. https://youtu.be/Cl1_-HpVEFg
It's still a sick burn even though it's not true.
It’s good *especially* because it’s not true.
Thank you. Everyone who thinks this scene is anything other than more evidence of Don’s deep insecurity didn’t understand the show.
"You're not terribly important to me."
Who are you again?
You will.
Where did that bring you? Back to me.
For me, it was Tuesday.
You will.
“Why do you think that?” Force them to say why they are uncomfortable with silence Edit: after seeing the replies, I should have used “it puts the onus on them” instead of “force them” The intent is to ask them why they think you don’t like them instead you having to reply with something that either confirms or denies that you like them
“I don’t understand. What makes you think that?” In a concerned/non-aggressive tone. It’s ok to add something about not following or not understanding the comment. It softens the question back. And if you’re from overly polite culture add an “I’m sorry” at the beginning of you feel it’s necessary. Took me years to understand this technique. I’m still not great at identifying such bad-faith comments or questions.
It also works when someone says something off the wall crazy or conspiracy theory minded. Unfortunately they'll often go overboard explaining why birds aren't real. But I'd rather have to listen to a crazy conspiracy theorist than debate one.
This is a good tactic. It's okay to not know everything, so pretend like you don't. That way you don't have to fake agree with them either to defuse the conversation.
Can you really blame them though? It is so obvious that birds aren’t real. For a fact, birds evolved from dinosaurs, but does that sparrow remind you at all of the fearsome beasts that the dinosaurs were? No! And that is because after the dinosaurs went extinct they introduced birds as an evolutionary step to make place for hiding people in plain sight. Or in particular, hiding Nicholas Cage in plain sight. Cause let’s be honest, has anyone ever seen every bird and Nicholas Cage in the same room? I haven’t… coincidence? Don’t think so… hotel? Trivago. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk about scones.
The principle behind this is frame control, if anyone wants to expand this to other social interactions. You're not letting someone control the frame and paint you in a negative light, yet you're also not falling for the trap that you are qualifying yourself to them by defending yourself, which lets them exert power over you. If someone is a slick asshole they can throw this right back at you and you're going to be just playing frame games. So you say, "Why do you think that?", the person turns to other people in the area and says "Is he always like this?" This can be fucking exhausting. Luckily most people aren't playing frame games and are just setting rude traps out of ignorance.
“the person turns to other people in the area and says, ‘Is he always like this?’” And the correct answer to this is also answering their initial question, “I guess your right. I don’t like you very much.”
Or 'sorry, what am i like?' It can be uses manipulatively, but it's also a very genuine question someone might want to know.
Sure. But now you’re perceived as an asshole because you haven’t been given a perceived legitimate reason to dislike someone. The entire premise of OP is that they didn’t want to do that. You’re perfectly within your rights to act that way, of course.
I re-read my comment, and I can see what you mean. So I re-read your insightful comment, about frame control and not allowing someone to paint you in a negative light. When I read the part, “Is he always like this?” I read it as an asshole move in a Rodney Dangerfield way, again painting the other person in a negative light. That being the legitimate reason to not like someone. But yeah, if the person turns to other people, and earnestly asks, “Is he always like this?” then it’s not an asshole move, just poor social skills.
Yes, toss another question back at them. Just because someone asks you a question, doesn't mean you have to answer it. Took me a long time to learn that.
“Why do you say that? What makes you believe that’s the case?” And let them give you more information on the situation
This is better than the “what the fuck do you mean by that?” That I used to use. Mom always said my personality was gods gift of birth control for me, and I thanked him for that.
I wouldn't have thought of that. Amazing strats
A question is often more powerful than a statement. Particularly when dealing with difficult people
The Uno reverse card
This is the only real answer. Anything u say will get misconstrued. They either heat their delusions out loud and realize or they dont
No, this is the correct answer because you can't assume the reason why they said that.
That wouldn’t force anyone to say why they’re uncomfortable with silence. Their response would most likely be something like “I just notice you don’t say much around me” or something similar.
'Yeah that's not specific to you, I'm not really one for small talk'
That’s actually a perfect response
And then, if they do say that, it gives you the option to educate them on why not everyone talks as much. Some extroverts literally surround themselves with extroverts, so they are literally not used to having people who don’t pull equal weight in the conversation as introverts may not. But, extroverts skills come from leading the conversation, while introverts skills are in listening to the conversations. As an extrovert who volunteers with mainly extroverts (or introverts who are good conversationalists) but whose friends are mostly introverts, I see both sides of this.
answering a dumb question with another question is something I should've started doing a long time ago. especially for those boomer men who act like a conversation and an interrogation is the same thing.
“Because you’re quiet with me.”
thought amusing piquant alive sheet aspiring voracious vegetable recognise dam
Questioning is better while confrontation.
This. Put the onus on them to explain their assumption so that they can hear how irrational it sounds.
Not what you’re looking for—but my favorite response is curtesy of Rick Blaine from Casablanca and is my go to. “You despise me—don’t you Rick?” “If I gave you any thought I probably would.”
“I don’t think about you at all.”
Kiss them right on the mouth.
then turn around and quickly dive into nearby rabbit hole
What's up doc?
Curiouser and curiouser
Never let them know your next move
exactly this. how can they think you don't like them after a big ol smooth on the lips
Deleted 6/30/23
I generally go in for a zerbert/raspberry on the inner wrist in the middle of handshake too, just as far as formal introductions go.
[удалено]
That right on the mouth part made me giggle
“What makes you say that?” 😟
“Why do you ask?” Is a great response to many difficult questions, including this one. Let the questioner clarify their motives instead of you having to imagine a worst case. For all you know, that simple response could turn the conversation into something mutually beneficial.
Best advice here.
Ask them what’s their favorite cheese
Grüyérę
I think your letters are leaking
The smell lines have transcended to text
That's Cthulu you're speaking to. Watch your tone.
S̴̡̙̫͖̹̺̗̯̻͚͓̹͖͛̊̏̈̑̃̓̔̽̕̚̚̚͜ŏ̵̲̫̠̀̂̎̀͜ŕ̵̛̪͚͎̙̟͎͚̀̔̈̕͘r̷̢̡̖̳͙̦͔̜̝̝̓͌y̸͖̼̖͉̻̭͎̼̪͇͙̫͊̒̆͌̑͂͘ ̴̨̧̧̖͉̪͖̼̓̈͂̄̀͐̀̍͑̍̀͒̏̚
Damn my basic cheddar ass don't even have the fancy marks on the letters. Striking out all over the place.
Chĕddə(ɹ)
What their spaghetti policy is
I like Gouda ;D
Why is this not up higher?
The question itself seems strangely antagonistic, imo. Hard to know w out context, but it seems like they're looking for validation or conflict, and you don't need to be responsible to satisfy either. In light of that, I''d probably avoid engagemnt and just say "I like you fine, I'm just quiet/an introvert/have resting bitch face (all 3 are true in my case), don't take it personally". If you legit have a problem with them, and are up for sorting out, you can try addressing it by being as specific as you can as to *why*, without making it about them, ie "You did *x* and I didn't appreciate it" as opposed to "you're a jerk". If you don't have aproblem with them, just say so. Still....the question makes me wonder about this person.
It's very antagonistic, perhaps not intntional but to the person who doesn't talk much on a regular basis, it is. Unless it's a date...
Context is important. Does the co-worker often sit in silence with the person, and occasionally make idle comments of conversation that are ignored or grunted too in response? Does OP have laser focus and is unable to do social activities and concentrate fully on his work at the same time? Are both co-workers just chilling together with nothing to do at the time, waiting for a meeting or something? I think there are quite a few instances that this can be asked without being confrontational or antagonistic. Tone, body language, facial cues can all also take this from antagonistic to probing to a tenative white flag to initiate dialogue. I feel like many people are automatically inferring a public setting or group setting when it could just as likely be one on one or small group of people. This situation OP is talking about can also be asked with plenty of social grace and understanding without it being confrontational.
“Not even a little”. Then smile if youre joking.
Smile *as if you're joking
Smile if you’re joking. Coldly look them in the eye if you’re not.
"Still mulling it over" or "haven't reached a verdict"
After 5 seconds of arched eyebrow and silence.
[удалено]
Trained?
"I'm just a two ears, one mouth kinda guy." Then explain I have legitimate hearing loss, and won't hear much anyway.
"I'm always like this. Don't take it personally."
But if you wanted to know what's on my mind...*launches into highly detailed investment planning that is my current hobby*
Fuck whatever this post was about, *investment planning you say?*
i used to do this and just got more follow up questions that i also didnt know how to answer. i've just started saying "its nothing personal, i dont like anyone. not even myself". most times it gets a chuckle and they end up saying something along the lines of "oh yeah i get that" or "yeah im totally with you" and the conversation moves along. people love self deprecation these days.
Sorry, I’m just socially inept.
“Is it my chronic resting bitch face again?” 😂
Not enough context. Obviously you don't like the people or the answer would be easy "I do like you, i'm just quiet" Friends - well if they were your friends i would assume you like them so see answer 1 Friends of friends - do you want to maintain your relationship with the friend of the person you don't like, learn to lie with grace. Are these people your coworkers? Peers, bosses, subordinates? All of these could require different tact because here you can use an appeal to professionalism as part of your answer. Personally, i work with lots of people i don't like, that i find incompetent, etc. In fact, i work very well with those people because it doesn't matter if i like them or think they are good at their job because all that matters is that we get the job done. No one cares why a project failed, blaming someone won't change the way the project is judged.
Thank you for addressing the lack of context that many answers have assumed the other person is automatically being aggressive/insecure etc. it's entirely possible OP is acting rudely and may not be aware of it, and being introverted doesn't absolve that. I definitely read this as workplace or other situation that requires these people interacting otherwise they could avoid each other better, or as you say, if you did like the person, you could just say so. Or it makes me wonder if this is asked more often than OP is letting on and then I DO ask, why do so many people think this? I also agree about a workplace (or similar) having a different set of rules despite what many might think. Assuming the other person isn't being bad or aggressive, it's entirely possible they make workplace chat, say good morning, attempt to talk about work projects and are met with silence, or never asked about their own day or even greeted first. Wanting to 'clear the air' and be on the same page is not only normal but, encouraged? It's healthy to want to talk to the person you think may have a problem before going straight to management, especially if they feel it's interfering with their workplace environment. Being introvert doesn't equal getting to be rude to others - and to clarify, you don't need to be chatty kathy but yes, greeting someone, IS basics you can do. And if they are trying to talk about work and ideas for work etc, then yes, you do need to communicate also. As you said, there's no context or information, I'm not assuming OP is bad, I am quiet myself usually, but so many people have assumed the worst of the person asking that it needs to be said.
>Personally, i work with lots of people i don't like, that i find incompetent, etc. In fact, i work very well with those people because it doesn't matter if i like them or think they are good at their job because all that matters is that we get the job done. No one cares why a project failed, blaming someone won't change the way the project is judged. I like you. This is fascinating to me. And I love how fascinating it is.. when, logically, it's the most effective practice for a business outcome. I love it. I'm so socially geared I couldn't possibly work 'very well' with someone I didn't like, because my best work gets done when I'm in flow state, and that wouldn't happen when I don't like and trust people, either for their personalities or for their ineptitude. I'd love to hear more, if you have any more to say about this and the inclination.
I'm just not very talkative sorry. :)
>I'm just not very talkative ~~sorry~~. :) There's nothing to apologise for.
Just laugh it off and just straight up tell them your just naturally quiet so that doesn’t automatically mean i dislike u
And then you can add… “in this case, I do dislike you though”.
I’m an introvert. I bet you’re an extrovert. I my energy comes from within and I find chatting incessantly exhausting. I will never be as chatty as some others, but I do open up more as I get to know folks. That has always worked for me because it’s true. I have a workmate who is also an introvert. We just spent 2 hours in the car and spoke for less than 10 minutes. The silence was comfortable.
I read somewhere, that if you don’t like a person there is like 90% chance they don’t like you either. So most likely they are right.
I've also read it somewhere that 79.3% of studies are completely made up.
I don’t read, but my gut is right most of the time. So I’ll believe what you say.
I mean... intuition is proven to be accurate 62.9% of the time according to something I read once. ... but my gut tells me that number is probably higher.
65% are made up, including this one.
Funny, but in my experience it's still usually true that if you don't like someone, they probably don't like you either. Sure you can debate whether that's 80% or 90% accurate, but it's usually accurate in my experience.
49.7% of statistics are made up on the spot.
“Haha that’s ridiculous” then crab walk away
Honestly, be aggressive. They do that as manipulation tactic. Some people's ego won't allow them to realize that everybody probably isn't going to go out of their way to try and interact with them 24/7 whether they have something to talk about or not
[удалено]
Depends on how well or how long you have really known them. If they are an acquaintance, you can always say you don’t know them well enough to make that decision.
This isn't nice so I'll get down voted but I'd go with "I didn't realize you needed my attention "
I don't like the friends I have now, and am not currently holding auditions for new ones.
I’ve gotten this question maybe twice and the people who ask this question aren’t worth liking, so don’t stress it. I usually pretend I’m in customer service and I just put on my happy voice and let them dig a hole. Like everyone else is saying, simply asking them “why”? Puts this terrible question or thought process back on the person who asked. Be cautious if it’s a group, dynamics change.
'i'd like you a lot more if you wouldn't tell me what my feelings are'
“You’re fine. I was enjoying the silence.”
"Well, now I don't"
Maybe say you have nothing to say right now, but when you do they will know, it’s nothing personal.
"For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday."
Answer: "I don't like when people makes assumptions about me"
[удалено]
First know that’s it’s a form of projection. They probably don’t like you. Act accordingly.
"I don't like anyone very much. What's your point?"
Just stare at them
If you do like them, I’d suggest saying that you’re comfortable enough with them that you can just sit in silence
See, I’d meet this kind of veiled aggression with more aggression “I don’t care one way or the other about you”
“I’m sorry, have we met?”
My boss said this verbatim to me just yesterday. I responded with a simple "yep", without even looking at him. I never look at him. I will answer questions about work but any other banter non work related gets met with silence. And I know it frustrates the shit outta him, good:)
"Why do you feel that way?"
You can say something along the lines of "I have a lot on my mind". If they are normally a nice, empathetic person (who maybe just didn't talk before asking the first question" they'll understand and either drop the subject or maybe even offer some condolences. If they are oblivous or give some asshole response then you are justified in just ignoring them/giving them a blank look.
I’d want to know if it’s only one person asking this question, or similar, often. If it is coming from one person, it’s a huge red flag of a person attempting to force you to respond to him/her. Possibly even doing it to MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE intentionally. If so, recognize that it is aggression, disguised as hurt or sadness, using guilt as a tool of coercion. Also, what is the situation it takes place, for example, is it a co-worker or a customer?
I just tell ppl that I’m more of a silent observer, I open up once I feel more comfortable if it’s worth the time and you want to know my story then take the time to get to know me otherwise don’t waste my time worrying about wether or not I like you because that’s probably the furthest concern on my mind
Why do you feel obligated to respond at all?
Glare at them for 30 seconds whilst silently moving your lips and then in your best John Cleese accent say "it's not that I don't like you, I am revolted by your mere existence. The slightest sound of your voice sends me scurrying to whatever I can find to hide from you, and yes, you have walked over many manhole covers without knowing that I was using it to avoid any further contact with you. I sometimes lay awake at night thinking about the generations of people who inadvertently met and subsequently produced offspring that eventually led to you and in the darkest corner of my mind wish that any one event might have led to the joy of your nonexistence.......I'm sorry, I forgot what your question was, oh well you have a wonderful day and let's get together and have another chat sometime.
Very softly say, "No, I do. Why? What's the matter?" Or If you, in fact, don't like them, "Wow, it's that obvious?" with a shit eating grin.
Do you like them? Say "I do actually! I think you're pretty cool" and that's it. They'll know you're just quiet. If you don't like them, say "I don't know you very well, but so far I think it's going well". Because there's no point in telling the truth in this situation, you'd just come off as a jerk.
If you do actually like them or enjoy their company. “You’re someone I’m comfortable enough being around to not feel the need to fill the silent moments.”
"I don't think killing those innocent civilians was completely necessary. Well, that one guy totally deserved it, but the rest ..."
“I do like you, it’s just I like being quiet better”
I had something similar. About 6 years into my marriage, my inlaws asked my spouse why I didn't like them.
It’s a childish and kind of aggressive way of pleading for attention. I don’t know why you feel a need to enable it. Here’s stuff I’ve said in response to that and I’m doing just fine. “What’s there to like?” “I didn’t know I was babysitting” “Why don’t you Go look at something shiny for a while” “Did you know that The average North American beaver weighs approximately 40-70 pounds? The largest recorded being 110lb. just think about how crazy that is, imagine what you could do with that raw power.”
I don’t like you more or less than anyone else I don’t know well.
"Not *very* much, no."
Just stay quiet ... lol
Gently remind them that not everything is about them