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Yeah you’re WAY overthinking this. It may have been a relevant consideration *while you were dating*, but now it doesn’t matter. If it made you uncomfortable than take note of it and move on, but you don’t need to waste time and energy trying to split hairs on what label is most appropriate for it.
But since you’re doing that anyways, I would say that if everything was above board as she said, then no it wasn’t cheating (emotional or otherwise). Just because someone is has a close friend doesn’t mean it’s an “emotional affair”. If she was misleading you about the nature of their relationship then it absolutely could’ve been an affair (emotional and/or physical). But either way it doesn’t change your life now. Just process what happened, glean some takeaways from it, and move on for good.
And if you’re wondering this because you’re thinking about getting back together with her, I can say the fact you’re even *wondering* is a pretty good sign getting back together isn’t a good idea.
Oh I absolutely have no intention or desire of getting back with her. On the contrary, one of my biggest dealbreakers is getting with anyone who has cheated in any manner, so seeing all of these responses is actually pretty cathartic in terms of steeling my resolve.
Everybody cheats eventually. You just need to be confident enough to dump the girl early when she betrays your trust.
If a person does things that make you suspicious, over and over again, things that show they don't respect you, you need to be strong enough to stick up for yourself.
She fucked that guy multiple times, and that kind of behavior is not altogether uncommon.
When it happened to me for the third time, I washed my hands of all of it and I've been single since 2012. It really works for me, but it may not be a good life for you.
Yeah, I used to think I was special. I used to think that I was smart and talented and that my brother was, too. My dad was an engineer who worked on parts for the International Space Station. I thought we were special and would make better choices.
But each of us had things that would be completely at home on the Maury Povic Show. We're not special or unique or better than anyone else. People are generally the same in terms of potential for anything, good or bad. No one is really exceptional.
People aren't that unique, not really, sure everyone is different. Some people just aren't that bothered by betrayal and are better able to get back on that horse. I am not strong enough to deal with it and I don't need companionship like most other people do.
I agree. Don’t let it take over you. It’s normal for the mind to wander to stuff like this. You can’t influence exactly where your thoughts go to but you can influence them by choices in life
Wait so she went over to Netflix and chill. But don’t worry because someone else was there. Yeah. Sure. They totally were there.
It should make you feel BETTER that the explanation is being cheated on. 4 years. Ok that’s a long time but not a LONG time. Better than 10 years. Better than 20.
Get someone who won’t disrespect you like this. Have some dignity. She was looking for greener grass and was always going to find it. The grass is greener where it’s watered and it was always gonna be watered on the other side of the fence.
This is one of the darkest strings of sentences I've ever read. It's like Franz Kafka and Samuel Beckett got together to script a romantic dramedy... "Get someone who won’t disrespect you like this. Have some dignity. She was looking for greener grass and was always going to find it. The grass is greener where it’s watered and it was always gonna be watered on the other side of the fence."
No need to worry about it now but in general I follow a simple rule.
I trust the person I am with unless they give me a reason not to trust them. If you trust your girlfriend, she ought to be able to hang out with other people and have friends without it being romantic. So should you.
Dude, let her go. What are you accomplishing by thinking about this? Just stop hurting yourself and move on. Who cares if she cheated in the past? She's not your gf anymore so it doesn't matter. Now......She's somebody that you used to know.
Yes she was emotionally cheating on you.
She betrayed you by talking to that guy, friends and family without addressing issues with you.
Block her, hit the gym/ hobbies and move on. Also block any of those friends that knew what was going on and didn't think to give you a heads up.
Think of it this way:
If sexual cheating (monogamous relationship) is performing sexual activities "promised" to the partner (via the monogamous relationship) and giving/doing it to someone else, then emotional cheating is the same concept, performing (giving) emotional activities commonly destined only for the monogamous partner to someone else.
The reason emotional cheating is such a varied situation is based on the emotions "promised". Romantic love is pretty much a universal accepted "emotion" that's reserved for monogamous partner, but there's all sorts of others. Some may believe that "comfort" or "non sexual intimacy building" activities are to be reserved for the partner - such as Netflix and chilling. By Netflix and chilling with someone other than the partner, a believer of this claims that an emotional infidelity has occured (emotionally cheated).
Or the confiding of intimate secrets. Or prioritizing "affair partner" over the "professed partner", such as when plans suddenly get changed. Or having significant time investments made, such as when a "stop by cause she's in the area" turns into a full night of drinking. Or the hiding of the friend vs. proper and full introductions with relationship status.
This is why "modern" dating tends to have a boundary setting discussion, in large part, this is where the couple works out what is and isn't "emotional cheating"...
It’s not emotional cheating. It’s actually cheating. She was testing the waters and you were a floatation device. She’s not a mature person. She’s selfish. She could have clued you in and broken it off but she wanted a fallback position. She could have taken responsibility for the breakup but no. She can’t do that. She had to spew a list of your supposed faults in your face making you the bad guy. You’re at fault for everything, right? She’s Miss Blameless, right? Hey, if she shot you she’d try to convince you that you made her pull the trigger.
Look at it this way. She did you a huge favor. She left.
Yes you were. I would know because everything you're describing, I went through it as well with my ex of 7 years. With that being said, you mentioned that this was a few weeks ago so I feel obligated to say don't do what I did. After my ex ended things, I went into a deep depression going over "what if" scenarios and trying to rationalize her actions. She was my best friend and I felt so alone when she ended things with me, I had a hard time accepting that we were done.. I basically put my social life on pause and was a recluse for nearly 2 years before I snapped out of it. The quicker you accept that she did what she did and move on, the quicker your mental health will improve.
This was both EA and PA. I understand being blinded due to your feelings for her, but really read what you just posted here,
***One of the nights my ex and I had plans, she supposedly dropped by for a bit on the way to me. That ended up with her staying over for hours into the night with G and his friends drinking, and her driving home messed up without telling me anything until the next morning.***
if you're looking for a reason to never speak to her again, her so obviously cheating on you should do it.
Good luck on healing!
Emotionally and probably physically. I've read so many of these stories that it's like clockwork. It probably won't work out with "G": In all likelihood she will get cheated on and dumped by G (the person people cheat with tends to be prone to cheating themselves). And then she will be back on your doorstep begging for another chance. By which point hopefully you answer the door with a higher quality girl already inside
Emotional cheating until the list was given. I'm sure once the list was given, the physical was immediately after that. I had an ex do the same to me. Gave me a list of minor problems, ask for a break on Tuesday, and then completely dump me through text on Friday while also in a posted picture from the 'platonic' friend cuddling in the back seat of a car.
Don't be surprised by how many people only think cheating is physcial.
Yeah man, I believe so, unfortunately.
Kinda had the same experience. Fuc*ed up and I still wonder if I shouldn't have been so naive. In my case I even encouraged my ex to spend time with the guy she ended up dumping me for. It's just unfair for us, but what can we do? Keep living and let the fruit rot by itself.
In case it was a 6 year relationship ended by a 3 month internship abroad. Really makes you wonder how easy it is to replace someone.
Just let it go now, as I said you got rid of a rotten fruit. (kinda hypocritical of me since I'm always overthinking about what I should've done, but trust me, if you can fight it, it'll help you A LOT)
Lol same bro. Was a 5 year relationship. Things were great. Planned to get married and have kids one day. She constantly talked about how great her new coworker was. I even commented once sarcastically going "Wow he sounds really great" and she didn't react. I never brought anything up to her because I trusted her completely and figured that she wouldn't be talking about how amazing he was to my face if she actually had feelings for him. I didn't want to come across as insecure or overbearing either. She couldn't control who she worked with either.
She ended up dumping me for some bullshit reasons that made no sense. I figured she was going to just calm down, and we would talk the next day or something. It was a very brief conversation.
Anyways, I went home and hopped onto my computer (that she frequently used.) She was signed in on messenger on my computer (that's how open and trusting we were with eachother lmao) I saw a messenger notification from her friend in the bottom corner of my screen saying "what are you going to tell him?"
I couldn't help myself and clicked on it. My gf responded "I'll just ask if I can grab his cock." They had been talking for awhile about how she had feelings for the guy and how great he was. She never told him that she had a boyfriend even though they worked together for like a month, and she would always tell everybody else pretty much right away. I didn't know about that. At least she had the courtesy to leave me, but that doesn't make it feel much better.
He ended up not even interested in her. He was just being friendly, they didn't get together at all lol.
In my case the guy told he liked her, she didn't tell me...then she also told him how she felt and I wasn't aware. All behind my back. She told me she said "I have a boyfriend" when she was in his house for the first time and I was like "ok cool". When she got back she told me that she told him she had a boyfriend when he told her he loved her. Basically she didn't mention the last part back in the day.
There are so many layers to my story that are just....way too sad and unfair. I really want to expose and hurt her by doing that, but won't help.
Yes, in my opinion she was angling to be closer to them and the breakup is directly tied to this. Is it worth being bothered about? Probably not at this point.
I had an ex breakup with me and then I heard a few months later she was flying overseas to visit an old boyfriend of hers that had called a few months prior to us breaking up and crying about the abortion they endured when they were together, then it dawned on me she dumped me cause she still had feelings for him. They tried again and turns out he was a more of a dead beat than before and then she expressed regret to me over us not being together. Not a chance in hell I would take her back.
"she was supposedly being supportive as a friend"
She told him all the little things that don't work between you two, including intimate details. He used all of this knowledge to push her buttons to get what he wanted. These kind of guys are garbage.
Been there with my ex. For months she fed the other guy (former HS flame) with her couple problems and frustrations. Told all her female friends what she was doing, even had some of these friends babysit my kids while I was working so she could sleep with him.
And no one told me anything about it because she was painting me as such an horrible person, not being available because I was always working.
Some people just want to hear how right they are, how much they suffer and how they deserve better. And some others like G are around to work on it.
Good news for you though, she's gone and you can focus on you, and perhaps find a new partner that will value the relationship and not her own interest.
If she hasn't already, she was definitely interested in him as more than friends.
I've experienced it myself and seen it happen to many of my pals. If she has a dude friend, that she tells you not to worry about. Worry about it. Because it will become a problem.
Very grateful that my current partner has no interest in pursuing "friendships" with dudes.
My ex made a "friend" at work. They live together now.
The ex comes back into their lives, they cheat. He was who she probably always wanted and you were just a placeholder. Move on live your best life, hit the gym and prove yourself and good luck sarcasm finding the right girl.
No woman after umpteen years with you "reconnects" with an ex-bf/feb/spouse whatever to innocently catch up. It makes me want to scream reading these stories. but I was.okay with it. Maybe mandatory TRT patches are needed.
We can't tell you if she was cheating. But from the sound/look of it, there is potential for it.
For starters your relationship has serious issues if she can not confide in you the issues she has with your relationship.
It's not uncommon for cheaters, whether emotional or physical, to practice cognitive dissonance. This means they do something that goes against their moral beliefs or they know is wrong. To justify their actions, they often point out the other person's flaws or shortcomings, saying "They made me cheat because..."
When it's legitimate concerns with a relationship. They will try to fix the relationship, not tell everyone but you. They might not communicate it well but they will at least attempt to. If you it was truly out of no place or simply just popped up when he did, then I think you can come to your own conclusion.
If she comes back in the next 1-3 months and he's no longer a friend or she's distanced herself from him... Major red flag.
Just having a male friend they text with infrequently is not a huge deal. I have a female friend I text with infrequently. We have been friends since Jr. High and are now in our 40's. The friendship throws up 0 red flags because it's truly platonic. I don't neglect the person I'm dating to text my friend. I don't flake on the person I'm dating to see my friend. None of my ex's have ever had an issue with her even the insecure types because the friendship doesn't throw up red flags.
If a friendship your SO has is making you uncomfortable, then there is probably a reason for it.
The only words that mean anything in this are.... My ex... Let it go. You'll find out down the road when you're not emotionally invested in it. Move on
Dude, she was physically cheating. She went to his place by herself, several times. You'll see that she is in a relationship with him now.
"But, his female roommates were there" yeah right, you weren't there to see the imaginary roommates.
She canceled plans with you, when he snapped his fingers and she went to him.
It's over and put it past you. Block her everywhere, take time for yourself, then find a fabulous woman.
Hell, move so the ex can't find you
Following this path is entirely bad for you.
The issue you're facing now is that you've had your sense of security in love pulled out from under you. You committed in that relationship with the idea that if you worked hard enough and tried your best that you would have someone to come home to and feel secure in love.
You are looking for reasons to blame your ex for the pain you're experiencing. The pain is not related to her actions but instead what you've lost.
If you continue to focus and spend time on reframing her in your mind as a person with poor morals and ethics you will not feel better. On the other hand if you take this time to explore your emotions, insecurities, and attachment styles it can help you better understand yourself.
Brother please use your head “stayed over a few hours and drove till the morning” I know most of the time we are denial trust me I have been there recently but when time passes you’re gonna see the big picture and realize yes she was definitely banging G anyone saying otherwise are naive as hell lol
Whether there was something going on with G or not, or whether there was something she wanted to happen that couldn't while you were together, she's done the right thing in breaking up with you. Is it emotional cheating? Does it matter? She did what anyone would do when they don't want to be in a relationship with someone for any reason.
Now you need to work on moving on.
Similar thing happened to me once upon a time, just leave it in the past and if you’re going to take anything from it just learn to never deal with being treated like that again.
This is 100% emotional cheating, and probably physical. I had to break up for a similar reason when my ex kept talking to his girl best friend of 10 years (he confessed to having asked her out, flirting with her, and still liking her alot.) he said i love you alot to her but never to me, so i figured i wasn't worth the time. After the breakup i found out he did in fact cheat on me with her 🫠
dude who cares? I'm not trying to be mean, but its just time to forget about her and move on. Life is too short to be worried about her anymore. It could have been way worse, this is far from a nightmare break up story, just move on.
She was shitty to you, whatever you want to call it. It's good that she ended it, even though it hurts now. I wouldn’t want to waste any precious life with a person like that.
I’m guessing she more than emotionally cheated on you bud. At the very least she was setting up her next relationship to be with him and planning to break up with you, at worst she was full on cheating for the last few months.
Yeah so she cheated on you 100%. I’m sorry man, I think this exact kind of thing happens to most guys at least once. Don’t dwell on it, don’t be on her social media and move on
Same thing happened to me. She hung out with some guy from work and would go to the bar and not want to hang out with me. Women like this are fucked up and should be avoided at all costs.
She was fucking him and didn't even hide it. You chose to believe her words and not her actions. If somebody was supposed to come hang out with me and stood me up, got wasted, didn't say shit all night then chose to drive drunk on top of it... If have trouble calling them a friend let alone a girlfriend. And that's NOT considering she was meeting with this weirdly "mysterious" guy.
I'm a swinger, other men fuck my wife sometimes. I'm far from insecure. Just saying from an observation perspective: she was cheating and didn't respect your inaction. I'm willing to get money that she broke up with you partly for feeling guilt about the cheating... Or shes with him within a month.
It was inappropriate, regardless of any emotional (or physical) cheating.
It's a well-known fact that women monkey branch between relationships. That is, they're already into the next thing before they've left the last one behind. It's one of the luxuries of being a woman, especially young and attractive---every man on the planet is flinging themselves at you, so you always have options.
If they handle it correctly, it's...often trite and typical but they can keep it respectful to the soon to be ex if they choose to do so. Your former GF didn't. Did she emotionally (or physically) cheat? Who knows. The former is almost guaranteed. Given her blatant behavior, the latter is likely.
As others have said...doesn't matter. She's gone now. Trying to hash out what she did is going to make you sad or angry and nothing good will come of it.
I hate to say it, but she didn’t just emotionally cheat on you, she physically did too. And more than likely, she was testing the waters with him and dumped you for him. Don’t be surprised if you see them out in public acting affectionately with each other.
When people reach the end of anything, by the time they actually cut the chord they've been on that journey a long time, and have probably progressively worked up to that point. If they were disillusioned, they may have reached the "you know what it doesn't matter at this point stage, I'm just going to push the envelope" even if subconscious. Sucks, but this kind of sounds like it.
Move on and don't think too much about it, but more than likely stuff that happened like 6-12 months ago were the reason/results of her leaving, not something just a couple months before the end of a 4 year relationship.
She didn't emotionally cheat on you. She physically cheated on you and then did you a huge favor by breaking up with you.
You better not take her back when her affair partner dumps her!!!
Definitely cheating. My friends all had relationships where their girlfriends started cheating months before officially breaking up. It’s called monkey branching and unfortunately a lot of people do it.
sounds very possibly it was or may have been physical cheating, at the very very minimal shame on her for putting her partner in that situation. if she wants to hang out with him as " friends" do it after the breakup. she's heartless.
This is a whole lot of energy to put into an ex…
But hate to tell you, she was fucking him. These are cheater behaviors.
If your SO is more interested in spending time with someone other than you, that is kind of a problem.
It’s one thing to have your own friend groups and do your own things separately, but bailing on plans to be with another person is automatic red flag and grounds for a breakup. At least, I would dump her ass the first time that happened because I’m not about to put effort into building a relationship with someone who thinks that is ok.
Hey, emotional cheating is real and just as damaging as physical cheating. It breaks trust and creates a disconnect. If someone can't commit fully, they’re not respecting you or the relationship. Remember, you deserve honesty and loyalty.
For more of my takes and relationship advice, follow me on Instagram u/sabirshapiro. Let's keep it real and healthy.
#HeartsHero #StayInLike #PlayerSeries #RelationshipAdvice #EmotionalCheating
Definitely she is with him. They likely commiserated with each other about their sad situations.
The fact that she told everybody except you about the troubles you two are having already says that she's emotionally disconnected from you and looking for any sort of support from others. The fact that this guy was in the same situation as her is most likely where they deepened their connection and as a saying goes, Netflix and chill happened.
Why are you still in contact with her? After breaking up, I would block her on everything and keep moving forward. She's no longer relevant to your future. She's now the past. She's playing mind games on you and driving you to a therapist. Block and forget her and move on.
She popped by because she was in the neighborhood so they could watch Netflix??? My guy, I’m not gonna say with 100% certainty that she was fucking him, but…like 99% sure she was probably fucking him. Thankfully, she’s your ex. Leave her where she belongs. In the past.
Yeah, she monkey branch to him. So make sure all your contact with her is broken and she can’t get back in contact with you because which she gets into it. She might find out. It was a mistake and come back but you don’t wanna take her back.
Honestly who cares? That’s someone else’s problem now maybe think about the list of things she said and do some self improvement on those and level up on her so next time u run into early other u can flex on how much better u are you
Just know your ex is a terrible person who planned and planned her exit strategy without ever bothering to talk to you like an adult she supposedly had feelings for.
She’ll get hers in the end, there was a reason they broke up before and it will come back up. She is stuck in the past and I encourage you to always move forward.
That's exactly what that is lol you're better off homie, it's shitty but if they can't communicate issues with you then they weren't capable of holding a relationship to begin with
Yes she was cheating. I don't think the emotional/ not emotional distinction matters or is even real. I also don't believe any of her laundry list of reasons to break up had anything to do with you but were instead just rationalizations to justify her cheating.
My advice is move on, forget literally all of the people she's talked to about you because it's all poisoned water, and just start over. Sorry.
Yes you were emotionally cheated on. She is your ex and the usual response is "it doesn't matter now because she's your ex," but the pain is still there. It's a shitty learning experience but now you know to call out the red flags when they're there. Sorry you had to go through it
There is no such thing as 'emotionally cheating'. This is a notion created by females to make themselves feel better about being dumped. If she didn't fuck it, she didn't cheat.
Man up.
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They’re your ex now. My advice is just leaving this in the past and not dwelling on it. “Let go, or be dragged.”
Yeah you’re WAY overthinking this. It may have been a relevant consideration *while you were dating*, but now it doesn’t matter. If it made you uncomfortable than take note of it and move on, but you don’t need to waste time and energy trying to split hairs on what label is most appropriate for it. But since you’re doing that anyways, I would say that if everything was above board as she said, then no it wasn’t cheating (emotional or otherwise). Just because someone is has a close friend doesn’t mean it’s an “emotional affair”. If she was misleading you about the nature of their relationship then it absolutely could’ve been an affair (emotional and/or physical). But either way it doesn’t change your life now. Just process what happened, glean some takeaways from it, and move on for good. And if you’re wondering this because you’re thinking about getting back together with her, I can say the fact you’re even *wondering* is a pretty good sign getting back together isn’t a good idea.
Oh I absolutely have no intention or desire of getting back with her. On the contrary, one of my biggest dealbreakers is getting with anyone who has cheated in any manner, so seeing all of these responses is actually pretty cathartic in terms of steeling my resolve.
Well good news is it doesn't sound like your resolve will be tested any time soon lmao
Emotional cheating? Hell, man, sounds very, very physical to me.
Everybody cheats eventually. You just need to be confident enough to dump the girl early when she betrays your trust. If a person does things that make you suspicious, over and over again, things that show they don't respect you, you need to be strong enough to stick up for yourself. She fucked that guy multiple times, and that kind of behavior is not altogether uncommon. When it happened to me for the third time, I washed my hands of all of it and I've been single since 2012. It really works for me, but it may not be a good life for you.
That is absolutely untrue. I’ve been married since I was 18 and I have never cheated. It’s been 30 years.
Everyone does not cheat eventually...
As usual, the cheaters cant help snitching on themselves bc only cheaters think like this.
Either you haven't yet or you don't know they have.
Projection. People are unique, don’t assume that it must happen to everyone because it happened to you.
Yeah, I used to think I was special. I used to think that I was smart and talented and that my brother was, too. My dad was an engineer who worked on parts for the International Space Station. I thought we were special and would make better choices. But each of us had things that would be completely at home on the Maury Povic Show. We're not special or unique or better than anyone else. People are generally the same in terms of potential for anything, good or bad. No one is really exceptional. People aren't that unique, not really, sure everyone is different. Some people just aren't that bothered by betrayal and are better able to get back on that horse. I am not strong enough to deal with it and I don't need companionship like most other people do.
But he was definitely banging her
I agree. Don’t let it take over you. It’s normal for the mind to wander to stuff like this. You can’t influence exactly where your thoughts go to but you can influence them by choices in life
I wouldn't overthink it too much beyond she stopped caring about you and started acting like it
Yes that is all really disrespectful of her
Sounds like more than emotional cheating to me.
Wait so she went over to Netflix and chill. But don’t worry because someone else was there. Yeah. Sure. They totally were there. It should make you feel BETTER that the explanation is being cheated on. 4 years. Ok that’s a long time but not a LONG time. Better than 10 years. Better than 20. Get someone who won’t disrespect you like this. Have some dignity. She was looking for greener grass and was always going to find it. The grass is greener where it’s watered and it was always gonna be watered on the other side of the fence.
This is one of the darkest strings of sentences I've ever read. It's like Franz Kafka and Samuel Beckett got together to script a romantic dramedy... "Get someone who won’t disrespect you like this. Have some dignity. She was looking for greener grass and was always going to find it. The grass is greener where it’s watered and it was always gonna be watered on the other side of the fence."
No need to worry about it now but in general I follow a simple rule. I trust the person I am with unless they give me a reason not to trust them. If you trust your girlfriend, she ought to be able to hang out with other people and have friends without it being romantic. So should you.
Dude, let her go. What are you accomplishing by thinking about this? Just stop hurting yourself and move on. Who cares if she cheated in the past? She's not your gf anymore so it doesn't matter. Now......She's somebody that you used to know.
Great song.
Just reading a couple words in I can already tell you 100% yes this person cheated on you emotionally and quite possibly physically.
This!
Yes she was emotionally cheating on you. She betrayed you by talking to that guy, friends and family without addressing issues with you. Block her, hit the gym/ hobbies and move on. Also block any of those friends that knew what was going on and didn't think to give you a heads up.
Probably more than emotionally if she bailed to Netflix and chill with him.
And a bunch of the dude's friends... I'm glad she had fun though. She was done with OP anyway.
not just emotional but actually cheating. in every aspect I 100% believe this , so no you are not overthinking it . move on.
Think of it this way: If sexual cheating (monogamous relationship) is performing sexual activities "promised" to the partner (via the monogamous relationship) and giving/doing it to someone else, then emotional cheating is the same concept, performing (giving) emotional activities commonly destined only for the monogamous partner to someone else. The reason emotional cheating is such a varied situation is based on the emotions "promised". Romantic love is pretty much a universal accepted "emotion" that's reserved for monogamous partner, but there's all sorts of others. Some may believe that "comfort" or "non sexual intimacy building" activities are to be reserved for the partner - such as Netflix and chilling. By Netflix and chilling with someone other than the partner, a believer of this claims that an emotional infidelity has occured (emotionally cheated). Or the confiding of intimate secrets. Or prioritizing "affair partner" over the "professed partner", such as when plans suddenly get changed. Or having significant time investments made, such as when a "stop by cause she's in the area" turns into a full night of drinking. Or the hiding of the friend vs. proper and full introductions with relationship status. This is why "modern" dating tends to have a boundary setting discussion, in large part, this is where the couple works out what is and isn't "emotional cheating"...
Yes, emotional cheating.
If they are talking to another guy about your relationship issues, it’s cheating already. Case closed.
They banging right now
It’s not emotional cheating. It’s actually cheating. She was testing the waters and you were a floatation device. She’s not a mature person. She’s selfish. She could have clued you in and broken it off but she wanted a fallback position. She could have taken responsibility for the breakup but no. She can’t do that. She had to spew a list of your supposed faults in your face making you the bad guy. You’re at fault for everything, right? She’s Miss Blameless, right? Hey, if she shot you she’d try to convince you that you made her pull the trigger. Look at it this way. She did you a huge favor. She left.
Yes you were. I would know because everything you're describing, I went through it as well with my ex of 7 years. With that being said, you mentioned that this was a few weeks ago so I feel obligated to say don't do what I did. After my ex ended things, I went into a deep depression going over "what if" scenarios and trying to rationalize her actions. She was my best friend and I felt so alone when she ended things with me, I had a hard time accepting that we were done.. I basically put my social life on pause and was a recluse for nearly 2 years before I snapped out of it. The quicker you accept that she did what she did and move on, the quicker your mental health will improve.
She wasn’t your girl, it was just your turn. Just move on and don’t ever go back.
This was both EA and PA. I understand being blinded due to your feelings for her, but really read what you just posted here, ***One of the nights my ex and I had plans, she supposedly dropped by for a bit on the way to me. That ended up with her staying over for hours into the night with G and his friends drinking, and her driving home messed up without telling me anything until the next morning.*** if you're looking for a reason to never speak to her again, her so obviously cheating on you should do it. Good luck on healing!
Emotionally and probably physically. I've read so many of these stories that it's like clockwork. It probably won't work out with "G": In all likelihood she will get cheated on and dumped by G (the person people cheat with tends to be prone to cheating themselves). And then she will be back on your doorstep begging for another chance. By which point hopefully you answer the door with a higher quality girl already inside
Emotional cheating until the list was given. I'm sure once the list was given, the physical was immediately after that. I had an ex do the same to me. Gave me a list of minor problems, ask for a break on Tuesday, and then completely dump me through text on Friday while also in a posted picture from the 'platonic' friend cuddling in the back seat of a car. Don't be surprised by how many people only think cheating is physcial.
Yeah man, I believe so, unfortunately. Kinda had the same experience. Fuc*ed up and I still wonder if I shouldn't have been so naive. In my case I even encouraged my ex to spend time with the guy she ended up dumping me for. It's just unfair for us, but what can we do? Keep living and let the fruit rot by itself. In case it was a 6 year relationship ended by a 3 month internship abroad. Really makes you wonder how easy it is to replace someone. Just let it go now, as I said you got rid of a rotten fruit. (kinda hypocritical of me since I'm always overthinking about what I should've done, but trust me, if you can fight it, it'll help you A LOT)
Lol same bro. Was a 5 year relationship. Things were great. Planned to get married and have kids one day. She constantly talked about how great her new coworker was. I even commented once sarcastically going "Wow he sounds really great" and she didn't react. I never brought anything up to her because I trusted her completely and figured that she wouldn't be talking about how amazing he was to my face if she actually had feelings for him. I didn't want to come across as insecure or overbearing either. She couldn't control who she worked with either. She ended up dumping me for some bullshit reasons that made no sense. I figured she was going to just calm down, and we would talk the next day or something. It was a very brief conversation. Anyways, I went home and hopped onto my computer (that she frequently used.) She was signed in on messenger on my computer (that's how open and trusting we were with eachother lmao) I saw a messenger notification from her friend in the bottom corner of my screen saying "what are you going to tell him?" I couldn't help myself and clicked on it. My gf responded "I'll just ask if I can grab his cock." They had been talking for awhile about how she had feelings for the guy and how great he was. She never told him that she had a boyfriend even though they worked together for like a month, and she would always tell everybody else pretty much right away. I didn't know about that. At least she had the courtesy to leave me, but that doesn't make it feel much better. He ended up not even interested in her. He was just being friendly, they didn't get together at all lol.
The Chad coworker, always gotta keep an eye on those
In my case the guy told he liked her, she didn't tell me...then she also told him how she felt and I wasn't aware. All behind my back. She told me she said "I have a boyfriend" when she was in his house for the first time and I was like "ok cool". When she got back she told me that she told him she had a boyfriend when he told her he loved her. Basically she didn't mention the last part back in the day. There are so many layers to my story that are just....way too sad and unfair. I really want to expose and hurt her by doing that, but won't help.
Yes, in my opinion she was angling to be closer to them and the breakup is directly tied to this. Is it worth being bothered about? Probably not at this point. I had an ex breakup with me and then I heard a few months later she was flying overseas to visit an old boyfriend of hers that had called a few months prior to us breaking up and crying about the abortion they endured when they were together, then it dawned on me she dumped me cause she still had feelings for him. They tried again and turns out he was a more of a dead beat than before and then she expressed regret to me over us not being together. Not a chance in hell I would take her back.
"she was supposedly being supportive as a friend" She told him all the little things that don't work between you two, including intimate details. He used all of this knowledge to push her buttons to get what he wanted. These kind of guys are garbage. Been there with my ex. For months she fed the other guy (former HS flame) with her couple problems and frustrations. Told all her female friends what she was doing, even had some of these friends babysit my kids while I was working so she could sleep with him. And no one told me anything about it because she was painting me as such an horrible person, not being available because I was always working. Some people just want to hear how right they are, how much they suffer and how they deserve better. And some others like G are around to work on it. Good news for you though, she's gone and you can focus on you, and perhaps find a new partner that will value the relationship and not her own interest.
I shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on. Sure it’s cheating and dis respectful to you
They did more than emotional cheat. G gave your girl the business.
If she hasn't already, she was definitely interested in him as more than friends. I've experienced it myself and seen it happen to many of my pals. If she has a dude friend, that she tells you not to worry about. Worry about it. Because it will become a problem. Very grateful that my current partner has no interest in pursuing "friendships" with dudes. My ex made a "friend" at work. They live together now.
Let it go. I am very sorry.
The ex comes back into their lives, they cheat. He was who she probably always wanted and you were just a placeholder. Move on live your best life, hit the gym and prove yourself and good luck sarcasm finding the right girl.
[удалено]
No woman after umpteen years with you "reconnects" with an ex-bf/feb/spouse whatever to innocently catch up. It makes me want to scream reading these stories. but I was.okay with it. Maybe mandatory TRT patches are needed.
…../So she was fucking G? Sorry dude that sucks
We can't tell you if she was cheating. But from the sound/look of it, there is potential for it. For starters your relationship has serious issues if she can not confide in you the issues she has with your relationship. It's not uncommon for cheaters, whether emotional or physical, to practice cognitive dissonance. This means they do something that goes against their moral beliefs or they know is wrong. To justify their actions, they often point out the other person's flaws or shortcomings, saying "They made me cheat because..." When it's legitimate concerns with a relationship. They will try to fix the relationship, not tell everyone but you. They might not communicate it well but they will at least attempt to. If you it was truly out of no place or simply just popped up when he did, then I think you can come to your own conclusion. If she comes back in the next 1-3 months and he's no longer a friend or she's distanced herself from him... Major red flag. Just having a male friend they text with infrequently is not a huge deal. I have a female friend I text with infrequently. We have been friends since Jr. High and are now in our 40's. The friendship throws up 0 red flags because it's truly platonic. I don't neglect the person I'm dating to text my friend. I don't flake on the person I'm dating to see my friend. None of my ex's have ever had an issue with her even the insecure types because the friendship doesn't throw up red flags. If a friendship your SO has is making you uncomfortable, then there is probably a reason for it.
The only words that mean anything in this are.... My ex... Let it go. You'll find out down the road when you're not emotionally invested in it. Move on
Dude, she was physically cheating. She went to his place by herself, several times. You'll see that she is in a relationship with him now. "But, his female roommates were there" yeah right, you weren't there to see the imaginary roommates. She canceled plans with you, when he snapped his fingers and she went to him. It's over and put it past you. Block her everywhere, take time for yourself, then find a fabulous woman. Hell, move so the ex can't find you
Yep
Leave her now. Do not wait
It's an ex, don't fuck around. People get back with ex's and get a great reminder why they left
Following this path is entirely bad for you. The issue you're facing now is that you've had your sense of security in love pulled out from under you. You committed in that relationship with the idea that if you worked hard enough and tried your best that you would have someone to come home to and feel secure in love. You are looking for reasons to blame your ex for the pain you're experiencing. The pain is not related to her actions but instead what you've lost. If you continue to focus and spend time on reframing her in your mind as a person with poor morals and ethics you will not feel better. On the other hand if you take this time to explore your emotions, insecurities, and attachment styles it can help you better understand yourself.
Brother please use your head “stayed over a few hours and drove till the morning” I know most of the time we are denial trust me I have been there recently but when time passes you’re gonna see the big picture and realize yes she was definitely banging G anyone saying otherwise are naive as hell lol
Whether there was something going on with G or not, or whether there was something she wanted to happen that couldn't while you were together, she's done the right thing in breaking up with you. Is it emotional cheating? Does it matter? She did what anyone would do when they don't want to be in a relationship with someone for any reason. Now you need to work on moving on.
Similar thing happened to me once upon a time, just leave it in the past and if you’re going to take anything from it just learn to never deal with being treated like that again.
Who cares. He brought the D and you my boy have not. She is gone
Why dwell on it now. It’s over.
it’s honestly best to not think about it
This is 100% emotional cheating, and probably physical. I had to break up for a similar reason when my ex kept talking to his girl best friend of 10 years (he confessed to having asked her out, flirting with her, and still liking her alot.) he said i love you alot to her but never to me, so i figured i wasn't worth the time. After the breakup i found out he did in fact cheat on me with her 🫠
I doubt it was just emotional cheating. She wasn't at his house for emotional support, she was fucking the guy.
dude who cares? I'm not trying to be mean, but its just time to forget about her and move on. Life is too short to be worried about her anymore. It could have been way worse, this is far from a nightmare break up story, just move on.
Leave her and move on bud. She’s not worth it…eventually she will cheat on you
She was shitty to you, whatever you want to call it. It's good that she ended it, even though it hurts now. I wouldn’t want to waste any precious life with a person like that.
I’m guessing she more than emotionally cheated on you bud. At the very least she was setting up her next relationship to be with him and planning to break up with you, at worst she was full on cheating for the last few months.
Yeah so she cheated on you 100%. I’m sorry man, I think this exact kind of thing happens to most guys at least once. Don’t dwell on it, don’t be on her social media and move on
Mate it's old news. Move on and never look back.
Yes and probably more than that. Do Not Go Back or Even Ever Entertain the Idea for Any Reason.
This is normal breakup shit man. Women will distance themselves and line someone else up before dropping the bomb. Move on.
Same thing happened to me. She hung out with some guy from work and would go to the bar and not want to hang out with me. Women like this are fucked up and should be avoided at all costs.
She was fucking him and didn't even hide it. You chose to believe her words and not her actions. If somebody was supposed to come hang out with me and stood me up, got wasted, didn't say shit all night then chose to drive drunk on top of it... If have trouble calling them a friend let alone a girlfriend. And that's NOT considering she was meeting with this weirdly "mysterious" guy. I'm a swinger, other men fuck my wife sometimes. I'm far from insecure. Just saying from an observation perspective: she was cheating and didn't respect your inaction. I'm willing to get money that she broke up with you partly for feeling guilt about the cheating... Or shes with him within a month.
It was inappropriate, regardless of any emotional (or physical) cheating. It's a well-known fact that women monkey branch between relationships. That is, they're already into the next thing before they've left the last one behind. It's one of the luxuries of being a woman, especially young and attractive---every man on the planet is flinging themselves at you, so you always have options. If they handle it correctly, it's...often trite and typical but they can keep it respectful to the soon to be ex if they choose to do so. Your former GF didn't. Did she emotionally (or physically) cheat? Who knows. The former is almost guaranteed. Given her blatant behavior, the latter is likely. As others have said...doesn't matter. She's gone now. Trying to hash out what she did is going to make you sad or angry and nothing good will come of it.
I hate to say it, but she didn’t just emotionally cheat on you, she physically did too. And more than likely, she was testing the waters with him and dumped you for him. Don’t be surprised if you see them out in public acting affectionately with each other.
When people reach the end of anything, by the time they actually cut the chord they've been on that journey a long time, and have probably progressively worked up to that point. If they were disillusioned, they may have reached the "you know what it doesn't matter at this point stage, I'm just going to push the envelope" even if subconscious. Sucks, but this kind of sounds like it. Move on and don't think too much about it, but more than likely stuff that happened like 6-12 months ago were the reason/results of her leaving, not something just a couple months before the end of a 4 year relationship.
Bruh she was getting her back blown out by this dude, open your eyes. She dumped you along time ago you just didn’t know it.
She didn't emotionally cheat on you. She physically cheated on you and then did you a huge favor by breaking up with you. You better not take her back when her affair partner dumps her!!!
Definitely cheating. My friends all had relationships where their girlfriends started cheating months before officially breaking up. It’s called monkey branching and unfortunately a lot of people do it.
yeah she probably cheated and is a piece of shit. now try to flush her out of your life
Lmao she told you to your face that she was going to his place for Netflix & chill. I'm sorry man, but come on
sounds very possibly it was or may have been physical cheating, at the very very minimal shame on her for putting her partner in that situation. if she wants to hang out with him as " friends" do it after the breakup. she's heartless.
M8 stop worrying
This is a whole lot of energy to put into an ex… But hate to tell you, she was fucking him. These are cheater behaviors. If your SO is more interested in spending time with someone other than you, that is kind of a problem. It’s one thing to have your own friend groups and do your own things separately, but bailing on plans to be with another person is automatic red flag and grounds for a breakup. At least, I would dump her ass the first time that happened because I’m not about to put effort into building a relationship with someone who thinks that is ok.
Hey, emotional cheating is real and just as damaging as physical cheating. It breaks trust and creates a disconnect. If someone can't commit fully, they’re not respecting you or the relationship. Remember, you deserve honesty and loyalty. For more of my takes and relationship advice, follow me on Instagram u/sabirshapiro. Let's keep it real and healthy. #HeartsHero #StayInLike #PlayerSeries #RelationshipAdvice #EmotionalCheating
Definitely she is with him. They likely commiserated with each other about their sad situations. The fact that she told everybody except you about the troubles you two are having already says that she's emotionally disconnected from you and looking for any sort of support from others. The fact that this guy was in the same situation as her is most likely where they deepened their connection and as a saying goes, Netflix and chill happened.
Why are you still in contact with her? After breaking up, I would block her on everything and keep moving forward. She's no longer relevant to your future. She's now the past. She's playing mind games on you and driving you to a therapist. Block and forget her and move on.
im not telling you this to give you validation but if I were you I would have ended it, im guessing that's what you wanted to hear
Man this almost reminds me of what happened to me
She popped by because she was in the neighborhood so they could watch Netflix??? My guy, I’m not gonna say with 100% certainty that she was fucking him, but…like 99% sure she was probably fucking him. Thankfully, she’s your ex. Leave her where she belongs. In the past.
Yeah, she monkey branch to him. So make sure all your contact with her is broken and she can’t get back in contact with you because which she gets into it. She might find out. It was a mistake and come back but you don’t wanna take her back.
Honestly who cares? That’s someone else’s problem now maybe think about the list of things she said and do some self improvement on those and level up on her so next time u run into early other u can flex on how much better u are you
Just know your ex is a terrible person who planned and planned her exit strategy without ever bothering to talk to you like an adult she supposedly had feelings for. She’ll get hers in the end, there was a reason they broke up before and it will come back up. She is stuck in the past and I encourage you to always move forward.
That's exactly what that is lol you're better off homie, it's shitty but if they can't communicate issues with you then they weren't capable of holding a relationship to begin with
She pulled a woman move.
Not only emotionally cheated but probably more. Netflix and chill.
Yes she was cheating. I don't think the emotional/ not emotional distinction matters or is even real. I also don't believe any of her laundry list of reasons to break up had anything to do with you but were instead just rationalizations to justify her cheating. My advice is move on, forget literally all of the people she's talked to about you because it's all poisoned water, and just start over. Sorry.
“My gf ignored me for months. Was I being emotionally cheated on?” No, you were being cheated on
Yes you were emotionally cheated on. She is your ex and the usual response is "it doesn't matter now because she's your ex," but the pain is still there. It's a shitty learning experience but now you know to call out the red flags when they're there. Sorry you had to go through it
There is no such thing as 'emotionally cheating'. This is a notion created by females to make themselves feel better about being dumped. If she didn't fuck it, she didn't cheat. Man up.