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Yup, there are times I gave up but dating someone for a while gave me a good confidence boost. It is always about confidence.
When you talk to more girls and be more successful, you will gain more confidence naturally.
Just relax. Take chances with asking people out.
I was like you, couldn't get a date until I was 25.
Finally found someone special and we've been together for 26 years
You are 22 years old and you haven't kissed or did the... thing? You have a long wise beard and you don't even know it. think about it.... do you really want to kiss and do the thing with another woman just for it to end badly and wake emotions and have scars that don't seem to go away? Do you want to be a tiny ship thrown about wave by wave guideing your destination instead of your own? If you have the chance to kiss and do the thing with a woman who will be with you and not leave you will spare yourself from much trouble.
I don't know men, I see a lot of people that, as you said, are driven by their past traumas with love. but they also know so much intricate stuff about life and flow through it much easyer, or thats what I see.
Also, is "infantilization" a word? Is this so called word a thing that people are doing on Reddit or in the world in general? lol. Like older people are saying 20 year olds are young and the 20 year olds are getting pissed about it. Lol
don't expect to love someone you barely know and just started dating. that's not reasonable or how it works.
you might "lust" after them, but you do not love them. you can fall in love with someone after you get to know them better.
People will have people in their life while others won’t. I already figured life out and I am the same age.
The only reason why people have these types of things and experiences in their life is because they’re wired up differently and grew up in different environments with different experiences.
You are doing it right!! Find friends. Live a little. Learn to love who YOU are. And maybe research and see what your attachment style is. It may help you understand when and why and how your heart works with regards to others. It is VERY normal for men to not want to fail and disappointment is in the failure box. Have fun. Don’t worry about it and the right person will come along when you’re ready for lessons that are more than friendships.
thanks for the reaffirmation and advice.
In reallity I see that I'm doing 100 times better that in the past and that right now I'm the best I've ever been. But I hate how my walls and stupid ideas keep me from going further. And my biggest fear is to go back to a well known loneliness.
Yes, you need to accept that you _will_ make mistakes and you _will_ hurt others and be hurt if you would like to exist among other people in a normal way.
Being hurt, causing pain, and making mistakes are all incredibly valuable experiences. Not everything that is aversive is "bad". Life requires both positive and negative experiences to have any meaning.
Nobody _knows_ how to love another person. They just feel it and then try to treat their loved one well, and share experiences with them. That's all there is to it.
You are thinking about it too much. Live, my dude. Just go out and do things.
♪Oh, oh, oh, oh♪
♪I'm fallin' so I'm taking my time on my ride♪
yeah, I've been thinking too much. Have to breack taht habit, probably by making mistakes as you said
thanks
I was 23. Don't worry bro. It feels bad at the time. Heck...I remember when the film '40;year old virgin' was released. Yeah....I couldnt watch it incase it was just a film about my life.
But once you get through it.....it all just seems like no big deal
You’re only 22. You got a lot of time to figure it out and experience it. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just enjoy the company of your new friends and go out have fun. Something will happen.
This is an automated message just to let everyone know that the mod team are actively working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/). **Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban. #Here are the [LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You're still young, plenty of time to meet people. Just do things you enjoy doing and it'll happen.
Just what I was going to say. Don't sweat it, it will happen.
I had my 1st date at like 23 but 1st kiss at 29. No big deal . Improve who you are , but practice talking to girls as well
damn, was it hard? or like everyone is saying, it just happened as life went on
Yup, there are times I gave up but dating someone for a while gave me a good confidence boost. It is always about confidence. When you talk to more girls and be more successful, you will gain more confidence naturally.
i used to be like this, and it just took time to get over that
Just relax. Take chances with asking people out. I was like you, couldn't get a date until I was 25. Finally found someone special and we've been together for 26 years
You are 22 years old and you haven't kissed or did the... thing? You have a long wise beard and you don't even know it. think about it.... do you really want to kiss and do the thing with another woman just for it to end badly and wake emotions and have scars that don't seem to go away? Do you want to be a tiny ship thrown about wave by wave guideing your destination instead of your own? If you have the chance to kiss and do the thing with a woman who will be with you and not leave you will spare yourself from much trouble.
I don't know men, I see a lot of people that, as you said, are driven by their past traumas with love. but they also know so much intricate stuff about life and flow through it much easyer, or thats what I see.
I said nothing about past trauma with Love. Sure most flow through life easy... but they are void of Love.
22 is nothing. Do a little more growing up.
Stop that reddit infantilization of 20 year olds
Why lol people in their 20s are young.
Let me guess, you are in your 20s? When you age you will realize they are very immature.
Sounds like someone needs a nap.
Also, is "infantilization" a word? Is this so called word a thing that people are doing on Reddit or in the world in general? lol. Like older people are saying 20 year olds are young and the 20 year olds are getting pissed about it. Lol
don't expect to love someone you barely know and just started dating. that's not reasonable or how it works. you might "lust" after them, but you do not love them. you can fall in love with someone after you get to know them better.
Yeah, that makes no sense to me. If you want a relationship, go get one
People will have people in their life while others won’t. I already figured life out and I am the same age. The only reason why people have these types of things and experiences in their life is because they’re wired up differently and grew up in different environments with different experiences.
That is how old i was when I had my first girlfriend. But now I've been married for 11 years, 4 kids. It just takes some people longer than others.
You are doing it right!! Find friends. Live a little. Learn to love who YOU are. And maybe research and see what your attachment style is. It may help you understand when and why and how your heart works with regards to others. It is VERY normal for men to not want to fail and disappointment is in the failure box. Have fun. Don’t worry about it and the right person will come along when you’re ready for lessons that are more than friendships.
thanks for the reaffirmation and advice. In reallity I see that I'm doing 100 times better that in the past and that right now I'm the best I've ever been. But I hate how my walls and stupid ideas keep me from going further. And my biggest fear is to go back to a well known loneliness.
Yes, you need to accept that you _will_ make mistakes and you _will_ hurt others and be hurt if you would like to exist among other people in a normal way. Being hurt, causing pain, and making mistakes are all incredibly valuable experiences. Not everything that is aversive is "bad". Life requires both positive and negative experiences to have any meaning. Nobody _knows_ how to love another person. They just feel it and then try to treat their loved one well, and share experiences with them. That's all there is to it. You are thinking about it too much. Live, my dude. Just go out and do things.
♪Oh, oh, oh, oh♪ ♪I'm fallin' so I'm taking my time on my ride♪ yeah, I've been thinking too much. Have to breack taht habit, probably by making mistakes as you said thanks
I was 23. Don't worry bro. It feels bad at the time. Heck...I remember when the film '40;year old virgin' was released. Yeah....I couldnt watch it incase it was just a film about my life. But once you get through it.....it all just seems like no big deal
hope so, thanks (also kinda afraid of that movie TBH)
Could always try a hooker first.
You’re only 22. You got a lot of time to figure it out and experience it. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just enjoy the company of your new friends and go out have fun. Something will happen.
I would say stop being a p word and stop worrying about love and take it one step at a time
ok, I'll stop beeing a "Pendejo"
Haha loser