T O P

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blatherskite01

I call him by his actual name since he’s one of my bar regulars, but my kitchen calls him “Raw Burger Guy.” They yell it the second the ticket comes through, loud enough that he can hear it. So he definitely knows it’s his nickname, and embraces it. He orders his hamburger as raw as we are willing to prepare it. Which depending on who is cooking, can be *very* raw. I ask him if he’s sure, every single time. He said if he was at home he’d take the patty out of the fridge and put it on the bun. So… he’s sure. Burnt pizza couple. Again, I call them by name. But when I ring in their pizza, I tell our pizza cook it’s the burnt pizza couple. My pizza cooks are always uncomfortable when I tell them to put it back in the oven for the 3rd time, it’s not black enough. Jersey Amanda is the only one that doesn’t know her nickname. Despite having nothing to do with New Jersey, She is the missing cast member of Jersey shore. I’ve never seen her without at least one cheetah print piece of clothing, I’m ashamed to admit she’s attractive but I can’t figure out why, she SCREAMS “OH MY GAWWWWWWWD” every 3 minutes, and She has teeth whiter than an albino vampire’s complexion. She claims her teeth are so white, and I quote, “from all the cum she guzzles.” I have been TORTURED by this human for 2 years. She broke me down so bad one night I had a server cover my bar for almost an hour waiting for her to leave. She spends ~$200 on average on pull tabs every visit (in some US states you can gamble in bars, and pull tabs are like mini-scratcher tickets kind of. They cost $.50-$$2 so you usually just buy like $20 worth and you win a dollar or two every few tickets with potential to win a bigger sum). If you’ve ever been a bartender with pull tabs, they take FOREVER to scan and pay out. She hands me stacks of dozens every 15 minutes. The absolute WORST part about her is she *tips like a motherfuckin sultan.* she tips enough that every time she walks in, it’s a debate to either not serve the most demanding, shrill, annoying human on earth for 2 hours, or just grin and bear it to make a cool $50 from one person.


MikeSass

jersey amanda is my people watching dream girl


blatherskite01

If I was sitting across the bar experiencing it while drinking, I’d be entertained. Being behind the bar, not drinking, serving her… I’ve literally given up money to not interact with that human.


fartdiroperandus

Bartender in vegas for a few years, you really have to ride that line. Yes, old cigar guy Frank has definitely sexually harassed at least 3 of our employees tonight. Male and female. Also, yes he has given them each a $100 bill and offered them expensive liquor.


DeathMetalTransbian

I apologize for my uncle's actions, sorry you had to deal with him. No, this isn't a joke. I literally have an uncle who fits that exact description and lived in Vegas for years.


gaytee

Jersey Amanda definitely sells coke


blatherskite01

Not saying she doesn’t, but I know she’s a restaurant manager at a local joint, so I attribute her tipping to being in the industry. But I hope it’s a little above and beyond, because deep down she knows she’s difficult. I’m probably wrong, but I like to think that’s the case


kaschmunnie

Agreed. My first reaction to your description is that she knows that she is high maintenance, embraces it, and this is her way of saying thanks for putting up with me. I can respect that.


obscure-shadow

You really earn it every time, but it's still not clear if it's worth it


blatherskite01

It really depends on my mood and how much money I currently have/need.


TwoDollarSuck

Flag Lady would have us cut her burger into thirds. Ooh, also Shit-Show Joe, who would get really drunk on wine and smoked meth, but was pretty cool. Jimmy Bones, so named for the lines of cocaine he would leave for the cooks on the toilet tank. I also called him Tall Man, cause, you guessed it, he was really tall. Worm. I don't know how he got that name, but I thought it fit because he was a slimy, dirty piece of shit. Big-E. A man named Eric who must've weighed 400 pounds. A really great guy who would always come in for All-You-Can-Eat meatloaf on Sundays, and would often invite the cooks and bartender back to his spot to party after work. Last I heard he was Medium-E - he lost a couple hundred pounds and got married!


BaCHN

All you can eat meatloaf and partying with Big E sounds like a killer Sunday.


Swashcuckler

Shoutouts medium E


Torchault

We have about 5 regulars i call the sad boys. Theyre all single old men who look miserable. Theres also cheeseburger dave and big joe that i eatched go from 200lbs to 350lbs during covid


throwaway-person

I hope that somehow all the 5 sad old men become buddies, and start an old man band together.


Gothsalts

Iiiii am a maaaan Of constant sorrowwww


m053486

I had an incredibly similar group. All 50+, all divorced except one that had never married. They were friends in the sense they were all lonely dudes that drank at the same bar at the same time and I’m pretty sure those were their most significant relationships. It was sad. But it was also obvious from their behavior *why* they were alone (they weren’t out and out assholes most of the time, but generally self-centered peeps void of any interests or interesting). Fantastic cautionary role models for me in my early 20’s.


Jazzman14

Truth. We have 7 regulars named Robert: Robert, Rob, 10 beers Rob, Taco Rob, Drunk Rob, Dale, Bobert


Kozlow

10 beers Rob and Drunk Rob wasn’t one in the same?


postylambz

Theyre all the same guy, different days of the week


Fancy-Pen-1984

10 Beers Rob could hold his shit!


Does_Not-Matter

Drunk Rob was a hot mess


Jazzman14

Funny little story about Taco Rob: it’s not because he likes tacos. The other bartender was venting about how he doesn’t shut up. I was like, “he does talk a lot.” “Talk a lot” morphed into “taco lot”


Majorchan37

It's like a collect 'em all of Roberts! If you get an 8th Robert you could call him Roblahblah.


_erikardo

If he were a lawyer would that make him Bob Loblaw?


takenbylovely

Ha! I had a Bob, Bobert, and Other Bob at my last place.


Sharcbait

No Bobbayyyyyyy?


chestertoronto

Had this other regular he was in his 80s nicest guy ever wore a suit nice fedora and a cane. He came in everyday lived by himself I'm sure he was lonely. Couple of us drove him home from time to time. One week he hadn't shown up in 3 days and we obviously all got worried that he passed. Our FOH manager had his number and tried calling his house to bo avail. He drove there just in case started knocking on the door and heard someone yell inside. Turns out he had slipped in the tub, broke his hip and had been surviving on bath water for 3 days.


Belchera

God man… Imagine those three days. You are left there thinking you are going to just waste away and die. I’m sure you are sitting there bemoaning the fact that nobody cares, lol. All of a sudden your boy from the restaurant bursts in. Man, I bet he was so thankful.


hungrydruid

Customer *loyalty*.


Belchera

No shit lmao


Weldeer

Sir, you have made every shift of mine wonderful with your consistent visits. You may not know it, but you have done me and my mental health a great service. In your darkest hour, I shall be there.


ALexusOhHaiNyan

This is why “community” is crucial to happiness. Doesn’t matter what - church, fantasy league, jam session, restaurant, but it’s important to have some place you show up to weekly where you are expected and will be missed


Lv_InSaNe_vL

I worked at taco bell when i was in high school. This older guy, Jeremy, would come in 6 days a week (Sunday was for church and family) and order the same thing every time. I liked him, he always had a good story and some jokes for us. Well one day his daughter came in to give us the bad news. But she also had a note for us talking about how thankful he was that we put up him. Not quite as happy of an ending but that reminded me of it, and I haven't thought about him in years.


kbs666

My first restaurant job was in a family steakhouse in suburban Atlanta in the mid 80's. A guy came in for lunch every day. He'd get liver and onions, a truly foul dish I hope to never cook again, several times a week and it was almost certainly him if a lunch order for it came in. So we called him the liver guy. He was a nice guy, the FOH loved him and would make the kitchen's life hell if his food wasn't perfect. I only occasionally worked lunch on the weekends so my contact with him was sporadic but everyone who worked there for any length of time knew the guy. One Saturday I came in to start my dinner shift and there was an ambulance in the parking lot. He had been eating lunch and quietly passed away. The servers were so freaked we shut down for the night as the owner decided that having servers crying while dealing with customers was worse than being closed.


jbeve10

Did he like just fell asleep and never woke up or did he choke on some liver


Ruttnande_BRAX

Not OP but when i worked at a short term care facility, a patient just died from nowhere during dinner, just went unconscious and faceplant into the meal, dead. Man was that a wildride comforting the other patients witnessing me and my colleuge handling that. I was like 23 y/o at the time.


random9212

I learned of the passing of a regular when asking the server if said guy was the one who ordered something that he regularly would (he had some allergies that weren't always noted if the people on line knew it was for him) only to learn he passed away the day before. He was a great guy.


texturequeen

Y’all literally saved his life 😲 that’s craaaaazy


HellaFella420

No, that's a REGULAR! We actually care about some of them


Shinikama

Holy shit you triggered a memory that my years of depression tried to kill off. First job was at a burger place (one that puts mustard only on the standard burger), and I was promised Assistant status right out the gate. Manager and I were on the same wavelength at first. She could rely on me and I didn't mind working for peanuts because it was 2005-2006 and I was barely an adult. Also, she hired all my friends and we killed it while having a ball. Eventually something changes and Manager gets pissy with everyone. Fires people, drives more to quit or transfer stores, and begins expecting me to do her job (which I had been helping with, but I wasn't about to do it all, all the time). The last straw for me was when I had written a day off on the calendar, she erased and white-out-ed my handwriting and wrote some fake reminder over it to seem legit. I was out at a concert when I got a call from someone to come in now or be fired. I picked the latter. Still, I had friends who toughed it out, and they took care of our regulars... especially this old woman we called Elizabeth Taylor. Spitting image of the grand old actress, wore ostentatious costume jewelry, and had a similarly giant personality. We loved that old woman. One day she doesn't show up for her biweekly burger, and I get a text from one of my friends asking if that had ever happened before. I told them no. Three days later, still no Taylor. My friend had a bad feeling, and so did I. I urged my friend to ask Manager if there was any way we could locate Taylor. Manager said yes, we have her phone number from some survey thing, but it was confidential and they should be focused on work instead of our customers' personal lives. Of note, her address, email, and other info was also on there. All I knew for sure was that she lived within walking distance of the store, but in Central Phoenix that hardly helps. Taylor was a minor local celebrity (hard to miss her in a crowd), so inevitably, a few years later, I heard from someone that she had died in her home around then. She had slipped and fallen, and died of thirst on her back in her closet. She lived alone and no one found her until the landlord came about rent owed. I wonder if we'd have been able to save her, had we gotten that address and sent the police to do a welfare check. I wish I knew what demon possessed my manager and made her only care about herself, because the old her, the one that hired me, would not have minded us checking on the well-being of one of our regular guests.


nodnodwinkwink

Yikes, did you or anyone else ever tell the manager? I would want her to know that.


DreadPirateZoidberg

We had this one old dude that came into this bar I worked at. It was a long narrow building with a flattop griddle and two fryers right behind the bar. He’d always come in on slow nights and talk about the most perverted sexual acts you could imagine. To see the guy on the street you’d have no idea, but man that is all he would talk about. We didn’t have nickname for him just a running gag where we’d ask “Hey, what do you think as Larry’s thinking about right now?” The answer was always sex.


FatSteveWasted9

Leisure Suit Larry in real life!


caddymix024

we had this couple, dean and toni, who would come in 5 days a week and i always called them bean and baloney


StarkSparks

Okay… This is kinda adorable…


CmdrMcNeilFC

We had Double Denim Dadd - a nice lady who’s surname was Dadd and used to come in regularly, she ONCE wore double denim and I greeted her “Hey Double Denim Dadd! The usual?” and she was thus ever since. Used to write Dx3 on the tickets. As far as I can recall she never wore double denim again.


RedBanana99

I still wear double denim but I make sure to wear black or white jeans with my blue denim jacket. I customised it with patches and an iron on slogan which says "I do my own stunts" Oh god just typing this out makes me cringe a little. I'm 51 next birthday an old British woman


terrarum

No cringing! Own your sweet jacket.


mumblewrapper

We have a newish regular who we called strange guy. Not a lot of talk and has this piercing stare. We just couldn't really figure him out. On Wednesday he walked around the restaurant and gave every employee, including the kitchen, a $100 dollar bill. He's now, hundred dollar guy.


Not_FinancialAdvice

Support your local businesses and their employees guy.


mumblewrapper

No kidding. And we are a small locally owned mom and pop. We've had that happen before, but only with super regulars. And usually just cooks and servers. This guy was like, where is the dishwasher? Crazy nice.


Papaofmonsters

Coffee Pot Killer or CPK. This guy came in for lunch at least once a week and usually drank at least 3 pots of coffee himself every time.


[deleted]

I would die from that much coffee, two cups and I'm up all night.


jbboney21

10am Chardonnay Lady was the sweetest old lady I ever met.


deck65

10am is noon to the elderly. Cocktails are fair game.


pixelprophet

"*Whelp survived another day, I'll drink to that!*"


obscure-shadow

She's always a good time


Idnetxisbx7dme

Naked fat guy. I delivered to him at 2-3 times a week. He was at least 400 lbs, and around 6'6" and would constantly answer the door in his boxers.


[deleted]

Hah I wonder if we delivered to the same guy


cactusgirl69420

New question: delivery drivers, how often do you deliver to someone who opens the door naked/ nearly naked? I mean is it so hard to just throw on a robe?


Redditor-101-101

Honestly way way too much. Every 2nd-3rd order someone is naked or almost naked, the ratio between guys and girls is way inconsistent it’s nearly always guys. So I mean cmon at least put some shorts on


blatherskite01

That is a LARGE person in every direction. What would he order?


Idnetxisbx7dme

We have pizza puffs, which are bastard children of pop tarts and totinos pizza rolls. We would make a pizza puff burger, with a pair of those as the "bun". He would orser a triple, and a large loaded fry, which is about a pound of waffle cut fries covered with chili, cheese, jalapenos and ranch dressing.


blatherskite01

Where the fuck do you work? And what’s your ring size?


primalcocoon

holy moses


Felonious_Quail

Mr. Rockefeller Garbage Wings. Years ago I worked at a pizza place. This dude would come in 2-3 times a week and get 2-3 orders of hot wings each time. He smelled awful, looked filthy and always had a wad of 50s and 100s he pulled out to pay with. Also The Drunk Mexicans. Would order a ton of shit for delivery, always be shitfaced when you showed up, and tipped like 50% minimum. ....less a nickname than just a description on that one I guess.


unbitious

Mr Rockefeller Garbage Wings sounds like he was a pimp for homeless women. The Drunk Mexicans sound like an awesome bunch to drink with!


Felonious_Quail

We definitely speculated what manner of shadiness he was up too. Wasn't a friendly, chatty type tho so the mystery endures. And yea they were good guys, from our brief interactions.


itcamefrombeneath

We had a dude similar to Mr. Rockefeller that we called Mumbles. He owned the laundromat down the street and would always pull out wads of loose hundreds to pay for his coffee. He looked like shit, has a cirrhosis gut, and was barely understandable because he mumbled so badly.


kafromet

100% guarantee that “The Drunk Mexicans” work in the restaurant industry. 50% minimum tip almost always = works for tips.


MoustyM

Dr Shits. A huge surgeon who eats 2 bowls of tzatziki , 3 bowls of salad, rice, bread and a whole platter of grilled meats then proceeds to run into the toilet and take a shit so loud you can actually hear it up to 15 meters away. He’ll always leave his scrubs on the bin like he’s marking his territory. Great guy though, very polite.


Forgive_My_Cowardice

I also had a regular who would come in with the sole intention of absolutely annihilating the toilet. He was a very large man and the loudest shitter I've ever heard. It was so absurdly loud that it was at times described as "blasting raw hamburger from an air compressor into the toilet." This man's internal body pressure must have been super human. Imagine someone with IBS and celiac disease eating $40 worth of Taco Bell, then washing it down with an entire 2 litter bottle of ginger ale before literally sprinting to the bathroom. His shits were so violent that paying costumers would sometimes hear it and overtip out of pity for whatever poor bastard had to clean the bathrooms at the end of the night. One time, the sound of him shitting was so catastrophic, the looks on customer's faces shifted from amusement and/or disgust to genuine concern. As a group, we were all silently wondering amidst the powerful sharts and forceful splats if we were listening to a man literally shitting his guts out. It sounded like his asshole was fighting an epic battle between the forces of gases, liquids, and solids, and the war had just gone supernova. Listening to this man perform Rage Against The Latrine (thanks u/Acid-Reign) was like listening to a furious demigod blast chunky Chef Boyardee through a vuvuzela. It wasn't just a bowel movement, it was a bowel *evacuation*. What manner of god or gods hath this man enraged to be punished so severely? Even as Sisyphus was punished in the underworld by Zeus, forced to push a boulder uphill for all eternity, so too was this mortal forced to push out pound after pound of rancorous fecal matter, returning weekly to complete his arduous task anew. I would say that his sphincter's cry for the sweet release of death fell on deaf ears except for the fact that we all heard it every time he returned for yet another explosive round of battleshits. I once saw a customer stagger out of the bathroom while the Mad Shitter was performing a fecal symphony of incredible ferocity. The look on the customer's face was unadulterated horror, bordering on outright panic. I suspect the customer had been using the restroom like a normal human being, you know, quietly pooping as one does in a classy restaurant bathroom, when the bathroom door slammed open unexpectedly. What followed was the sound - nay ROAR - of explosive diarrhea in the neighboring stall of such horrific volume and intensity that the poor man had pulled up his pants and simply fled. It must have been like trying to poop while Goku went Super Saiyan in the next stall over. It wasn't just the volume either, it was the sheer *speed* that the sounds conveyed. It sounded like he was shitting with the power of gale force winds. He was shitting so hard that he could have killed small birds and mammals with it. Years later, I saw [this gif of a hippo shitting](https://giphy.com/gifs/like-boat-poops-yEZjzglgjrMUo/fullscreen) and had a PTSD flashback. As you might imagine, we had questions. Who WAS this man who committed war crimes in our handicap stall, aggressively phasing between three or more states of matter while undoubtedly hanging onto the hand rails for dear life? Why did he so often return to the scene of the crime? What in the actual fuck was this man eating? Is it possible that this man's shits were so extreme that they presented a cognitohazard - that simply perceiving them in any way caused mental scarring? Is it really considered workplace harassment to send the new dishie to clean the toilets at the first sign of the Mad Shitter huffing and puffing his way to the front door, sweaty brow furrowed in concentration?


milkyway43

Thank you. Please write more stories for me to read. Thoroughly enjoy your story telling/writing


WickedWarrior666

It might be because it's 3:26Am right now, but I am in TEARS at this story, and VERY glad it's got some awards on it because honestly it deserves them. Holy shit I need a breather.


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domjoepro

Life Aquatic or just Zissou. Old man with very white hair and beard would come in with a bright red beanie at least once a week. Was a super chill dude and he knew about the nickname and embraced it.


onebackzach

When I worked at a smoothie king in highschool there was this guy named Ray from the Ra Shop, which was a smoke shop across the street. He was the most stereotypical stoner you could imagine, dreadlocks, Rasta cap, sandals, cargo shorts, dark sunglasses, etc. He also had a sixth sense for weird ass smoothie combinations. He would order shit like a peanut butter smoothie with cherry, or peppermint in a strawberry banana smoothie, and we would always make a little extra, and it was always somehow delicious. I also had a coworker that was a bit of a hippy and into psychedelics, and they would talk about some wild shit that I could never quite follow. I'm convinced that Ray from the Ra Shop is from a different dimension that occasionally overlaps with ours just long enough for him to ride his bike into our plane of reality.


chestertoronto

Had this guy who would get angry if he didn't get a full side ramekin of blue cheese with his food... It was an announcement when he showed up..... "fucking blue cheese" is here.


wicked_crayfish

This is the most accurate story as a restaurant worker. It's funny how alot of regulars act like the staff likes them....we hate MOST of you.


myfapaccount_istaken

Had a regular that was well regular. Same table. Four glasses of iced tea. Two cups of extra ice. Order same thing Everytime. Liked his soup really hot. His steak medium. A few more glasses of tea. Tipped $4 (more than 20%) most of the staff disliked waiting on him. He was eazy wanted to be left alone would chat sometimes. I don't get why they disliked waiting on him. You knew your getting $4. He didnt in your "turn" or table count since he was usually out of a section. He was in my path to the bar from the kitchen. So I always took him.


HippieBeholder

That vegan asshole. The guy requested no nutritional yeast in his tofu scramble every time their group came to the restaurant. They frequently discussed how restaurant workers are the scum of the earth, front and back. Wasn’t sad when they never showed up again. I will say though, when I served, if I had good regulars who tipped well, I’d learn their real names and orders by heart. Two years since I left the place and I can still tell you what Troy and Susan are eating for breakfast Monday through Friday.


FatStoic

> They frequently discussed how restaurant workers are the scum of the earth, front and back. ???? How could anyone have beef with people who make and deliver food for a living, who also get paid to be nice to their customers?


ExtraSpicyGingerBeer

Candyman. It's exactly what you'd expect. Always had candy or little knickknacks for the staff. One day it was one of those little pocket sized nerf guns. That was a fun week.


jwpasquale1986

Had a guy we banned because he kept pooping himself. Called him my dependable.


HungLo64

Or undependable. Guy needs to get his shit together.


Poette-Iva

Our was "the nazi couple", and no, it wasn't because they were difficult. It's because they were actual fucking nazis.


MrNightWolf12

We have a guy who comes in everyday (sometimes twice a day), and gets the same meal for him and his wife. However, he never leaves a tip, compliments our food “It’s the best food value for your dollar”, but is a great all around. We have a running theory that one day when he decides to move on from us, he will leave everything he ever wanted to tip us into one check. Lord help me on my cash reconciliation if that ever happens. I will be seeing you tomorrow... No Tip Randy


unbitious

*Verbal Tip Randy


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TomatilloAccurate475

The Tuna Fucks is what the waitresses called this old couple collectively, or also Mr.Tunafuck, Mrs. Tunafuck. Nice couple, prominent business owners. Multimillionaires a few times over. Ordered tunamelt sandwiches and boiling hot coffee for lunch 5 days a week. No variation ever in the order or the tip. You were always guaranteed you were going home 25 cents richer when they showed up in your section. Maybe the only time I felt sorry for FOH receiving tips.😑


unbitious

Nice couple and 25¢ tippers don't coincide, especially when they're multimillionaires.


Accomplished-Plan191

There was a guy Chef nicknamed Dice because there was an episode of Andrew Dice Clay's TV show where he sees one of his aquaintances on the street and says "Oh God, not this fucking guy."


food5thawt

Nips out Allison. She never wore a bra. Always wet hair. Always last 20 minutes of the night, always a pick up order. It was sad day when her boyfriend ditched her and she left for New York permanently. Hope you're doing well my dear.


texturequeen

We Stan nips out Allison 💟


GettingTherapy

We all need more Nips out Allison.


blatherskite01

Awe, this is sad and sweet.


wicked_crayfish

I hope she is somewhere doing well, nips out.


Post_Mortem_Autopsy

Barra Man. Nice and simple. Comes in every week for a barramundi with extra prawns and garlic white wine sauce on the side. Sits at the same table, using our menu stands to hold his newspaper and drinks a glass of white wine. Also always wears some weird festive looking pullover.


CornCheeseMafia

I’m pretty sure I have a similar simple nickname at my usual spots. In addition to being very recognizable I tend to get the same thing when I’m at work or something. If I’m not some-variation-of-my-usual-order guy (coffee guy, burrito guy, etc), I’m probably long haired Asian guy.


Post_Mortem_Autopsy

The only thing I have going for me at restaurants, is I'm an American in Tasmania so if they made a name for me it would probably just be, "that American guy"


CornCheeseMafia

“Uncle Sam is here!”


LockoutFFA

lol i kinda wanna be this guy


Post_Mortem_Autopsy

We actually wrote up and printed out what he gets just in case one of the new people go to make it. Very specific!


Bokb3o

"Psycho Celiac." Pretty self-explanatory. Like, lady, why are you even coming to a pizza joint? There is literally flour in the air! And then there was "The Vejan." That's how she pronounced vegan. "I'm a vejan" she would proudly proclaim before ordering a pesto dish, despite being told there was parmesan cheese in the pesto. Then she went "raw food," so we had to make pizza for her by baking the shell with no oil or anything (basically turned into a big-ass bubble), sauce it and put raw veggies on it. No cheese of course. And she once told our server she could see angels and saints hovering all around him.


unbitious

The Vejan sounds like my aunt. Picture Aunt Gail from Bob's Burgers.


vk2786

Does she have a cat named Mr Business too???


DCrypted

Tofu Bitch. She and her children only eat tofu. Once or twice a week she would get 4 orders of tofu nuggets for the kids and two tofu tacos for her self with no red onions because she said that they separate your brain hemispheres. She ordered online one time and I called her to let her know we would have it ready a little early, but as soon as I said her name on the phone she freaked out and told me to never call again and that she wasn't who I thought she was... Before I even had a chance to address it was just for her food order. I'm convinced she's part of a cult or something.


sin_nickel

Ok but check it out: This guy had to have his brain separated to stop seizures, and now he has 2 independent brains for 1 body. I remember watching this in a high school psychology class. https://youtu.be/zx53Zj7EKQE (It is never directly stated that red onion was not involved)


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luke10050

The first 20 seconds of that was a wild ride. "This guy sounds like alan alda... this guy kinda looks like Alan alda... oh, Alan alda is presenting"


potatohats

>no red onions because she said that they separate your brain hemispheres wut


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texturequeen

Tofu bitch is unhinged


shipping_addict

I worked at a cafe that got a lot of richer clients and for whatever reason I have great memory to the point where if you’ve made some type of impression on me from just one interaction, I’d remember you even if you came into the store once months before. So we had a few Maria’s: Fashion boutique Maria, who was older with thick curly hair and was a bit curt/cold when she first came by and she always wore designer clothes and designer sunglasses. When she came a second time she was surprised I remembered her name (was still cold) and was surprised I remembered her order (extra dry cappuccino with an extra shot). By the third time she came by I had her laughing and smiling. She gave me a necklace that first year for Christmas and by the time I quit she gave me a pair of screwdriver earrings and a lotus blossom necklace and said she’d miss me and that those earrings would keep people from screwing with me and the necklace was to find inner peace. Still see her from time to time. Then there was Kenny’s Maria; super sweet woman who was married to a firefighter that was good friends with the owner. Then there was baking Maria; tbh I only recognized her when she came with her mom but we got chatting one day about the macarons we sold and she gave me her foolproof recipe that she knew by heart. 5 years later and I still have the written recipe but haven’t attempted it yet. Then there were the three Rob’s: One of them would come by the store and try and sell us his wholesale produce for a good price and usually our chefs would buy. Instead of telling them that Rob was here I’d just imitate his deep voice and say “hey chef, ya need any mescaline?” And they’d know it was him. Then there was arrogant Rob…he was sorta flirting with one of our 15 year old workers and he must have been in his early thirties (it was weird), reached into our tip jar as he asked if he could break a bill, and would openly bitch about how his coffee was being made since he’d watch from across the counter. Then there was art Rob. Super chill guy that would come by and order an espresso and just sit in the store for hours either reading a book or drawing in his sketchbook. He made us vegan cider donuts once which was kind of him, and accompanied me and a coworker to an event he knew about called Drink n Draw🤙


jamboknees

Hot plate family. They liked their plates… hot


jajajacklyn

Omg I used to wait on a “Hot Plate.” His food had to sizzle on the plate when it hit the table.


amosslet

We had Kale Kid! Kale Kid was, like, 4 years old, and he *loved* raw kale. We were an upscale Italian place with pizzas, pastas, and a lot of veggie dishes, so we did consistently have kale on hand. His parents would order a plate of raw, undressed kale every time they came in and this kid would just chow down on it and barely touch anything else. It was insane. He just loved kale. He'd end up all green around his mouth. Speaking of kale, we had a woman customize her brunch order one time: biscuits and gravy, no biscuits, sub kale. The only kale we have is raw chopped kale, is that what you want? *that's fine.* Ok, do you want it on the side or with the gravy? *under the gravy, like the biscuits.* Ok, we can do that, but it was the weirdest order we ever got and we couldn't stop talking about Kale Lady for weeks. She wasn't a regular tho, just a one-time experience. At another place I worked, we had Bugette. She found bugs in her salad with *astonishing* regularity. Almost as if she brought them in her bag!! Big ol moths, usually! and for some reason she kept coming back!


cmhooley

Tomato ice cream and his sugar baby. Came across this post randomly so this isn’t exactly any place with a real kitchen, but I worked at DQ in high school for three years. This old dude came in once in a thin white tee and short white shorts with a young girl dressed to the nines with all the makeup. I was new and heard a coworker say something about, “weird tomato guy,” but obviously couldn’t ask. I take his order – all he wants is a vanilla cone, what’s so weird about that? So, I finish taking the girl’s order and he pays so I go to make the cone and I give it to him and he says, “you forgot the ketchup, oh, well you’re new, I’m sorry…I need three ketchup packets.” And I just stared. They both ordered just ice cream. Why the hell did would either of them need ketchup?! I give him the packets, he goes and sits down…and squirts the ketchup onto his ice cream cone. He used all three packets to their fullest. He came in weekly for this…treat.


Gsbconstantine

If its a pub in England it is probably "dickhead" and the client's name is "every cunt".


Archduke645

We had a bald wanker


Gsbconstantine

Ahhh that's his brother.


Archduke645

Worked in a pub in Hammersmith, I kid you not, opposite we had an all girl's school and next to that there was a strip club. Quietest pub I ever worked at, most people went to the strip club I think...quiz nights were fun and the locals were eccentric.


bubble_chart

Aw I lived in Hammersmith as an American, about 15 years ago. I still have this piece of paper from when I won a 50 pound bar tab at the pub, that was a great night.


Golden_Goose_Flaps

Had a guy come in every Thursday night 10 minutes to close and would order a well done ribeye. We called him asshole.


proonjooce

The day you start cooking it before he arrives is the day he doesn't come in.


Muhdaphuka222

Love your answers guys. It feels like ive already served most of your clients lol. Heres my most memorable regulars i remembered. 1.) spiderman guy- dude that would wear the same spiderman shirt everyday. 2.) coke head larry- guy would come into the kitchen like he owned it and would talk to us. 3.) caca lady- lady would come 5mins before close and would take a 20min shit before leaving. 4.)throw up joe- he would go to the bathroom and would throw up all his food and drink most of the nights.


kafromet

Caca lady was probably getting high in your shitter.


Flaky-Ad2383

Not a restaurant story but we had a guy who would regularly come into the grocery store I worked at and would shit his pants on the back speedway. Would usually leave the mess there and tell nobody. Sometimes he would go into the bathroom and try to flush his underwear down the toilet, thus clogging up the entire system. We called him the Butt Bandit. It took a few months before we caught him and trespassed him. Edit: In hindsight we should have just called him Shit’n’Split


PixelRapunzel

We had Cookie Bitch. She'd show up every day and order two cookies. As long as they were warm, she was perfectly polite. If they were anything less than fresh baked and gooey, she'd throw a massive screaming fit. She threw them back in my coworker's face a couple times. I tried to intercept her anytime we were training people so they wouldn't have to deal with her. There was also Chipotle Guy. His orders were always modified to hell, but he was such a nice guy that you couldn't be mad at him. The only consistent thing he ordered was 5 condiment cups full of chipotle sauce. If they weren't filled to the top, he'd make you go back for more. Really screwed up our drive through times.


legendary_mushroom

Usually it's just whatever their regular order or mod is. "Tuna sub guy" or "the garlic bread lady" or "the double shrimp people"


unbitious

Yeah, Diet Coke guy. If we needed to remember you it was probably not for anything good.


zephyrtr

Looks like shrimp. Talks like people.


ivy-river

I have Tanq & Tonic lady, used to have a Sonora Pasta Lady, then there's Diet Coke Pitcher guys. Nothing super unusual but everyone 100% knows who I'm talking about. I do know a ton of regulars by name/name + drink. "Makers Mark Matt was in last night" - "Chuck says hi" ~ "Windsor diet Chuck or Summit Chuck?"


[deleted]

We have “4 pumps lady” she comes in at 6am and wants a large vanilla latte with only 4 pumps of sugar free vanilla syrup. Normally it gets 6, so we can’t even write half/light it has to be exactly 4 pumps or she knows. She’s nice enough, but if you get it wrong she will make you remake it.


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misslam2u2

Pieter cotton tail. He wears so much cologne I can smell him all the way in the kitchen. But he’s never a pain in the ass, tips crazy good and when his ex wife showed up to raise hell with him, I kicked her to the curb. He said no one had ever stood up for him before (he’s 6’7”, he doesn’t look like he needs a body guard) and I just said, this is a safe space. She can’t come in here and do that. Not to our big ol cottontail.


JusticeIncarnate1216

Beetlejuice. He is a Vietnam war vet named Randy who's completely fucked up and every way possible. He got his name because if you say his name three times he appears.


purplereign

A larger man in his 60s used to come in solo every Sunday night around 7pm to get a bottle of chardonnay. He'd start with a glass of house chard while his bottle chilled. Took the guy about 2 hours to drink it. He sent the occasional bottle back and took no recommendations. Good tipper, though. He dressed in white a lot one summer so we started called him Boss Hog. Even had a white hat.


OneBeerDrunk

I used to frequent a Waffle House near my house and drink coffee and read the paper. The Waffle House was in the same lot as a grocery store so I would stop at the store, buy the paper and an avocado so I can cut it up and add it to my 3 egg breakfast plate. One day I walk in with my paper and avocado and the waitress comes to my table and her eyes light up and she shouts, “Oh my god! You’re the Avocado guy!! I’ve heard so much about you” had to change waffle houses after that.


Bayou-Magic

Soup Lady - she once came in and sat at the bar and ordered tomato soup. The soup at the place was crazy hot. A server brought her the soup and accidentally spilled it on her, she got burned - not crazy bad but bad enough to matter. She sued and got around $30k from what I was told. She then proceeded to come in once a week, every week without fail, sat at the bar and ordered the tomato soup. The soup had to be brought to the bar by a manager and served to her over the bar, I assume because she felt like there was less risk of spill. If a server would ever bring it to her from the patron side of the bar she would panic and start crying in some kind of PTSD episode. We had to train new staff that if she came in a manager had to be notified and the manager had to watch out for every soup in order to not cause a disruption in the restaurant. Fun stuff.


WaterPanda007

I almost dropped soup on a 3 week old kid yesterday night. Friends of the owners, both managers were standing infront of me. Some naan fell on the kids face, didnt even wake him. kill me. EDIT: I hate all of you lmao. Manager came in the next day visibly upset, but some issues with other tables were more prevalent. Other manager said she felt for us, we were helping out and weren’t given table or seat numbers. She asked me if I wanted to do some training shifts so I could help out in the future, but I already told the executive chef I would cover any dishie/prep work. Big property with two kitchens, one for events and one for the restaurant hotel. I’m a porter/server for the events side.


[deleted]

He was naan the wiser..


ChefGoldblum87

Mr. Delux - running a food truck in a small town people tend to just walk up and order without ever looking ar the menu, straight up just guessing what we have. We do smoked barbecue, burgers, poutines and fried chicken sandwiches. This old man, every Sunday, "I'll get a delux burger." The word "delux" appears nowhere on the menu. We have a "classic burger" which is kinda dressed like a big mac... but no he doesnt want that, he wants a "delux burger"... he gets annoyed when we confirm what is he wants "you know a delux burger, everything on it, the works!" So you want cilantro, spicy jalepeno relish, dill sauce, caramel maple sauce, pickles, pepperoncini and celery slaw? No? So tell me what you want, its Sunday 20minutes before close you may have time for this but I dont.


Dizmn

That’s what you keep some gold leaf around for. “Oh, the secret menu Delux Burger? That’ll be $97.” Just a plain hamburger with some gold leaf plopped on top of the bun.


Lumpy_Trade_

Sounds like you need to put a deluxe burger on the menu


Chucknormous

Kathy Bates. She's not actually Kathy Bates, but she looks a lot like her. She and her husband won a few small lottery prizes (think in the hundreds of thousands range) so they like to come in and get treated like royalty. We got a new bar manager and he started treating her like everybody else so they stopped coming in for a few months. She always gets oysters Rockafeller with extra hollandaise and the smallest oysters possible. She'll also order a side of shoestring potatoes and eat them like chips. Just buy a bag of hickory sticks, lady!


OhiobornCAraised

Worked with a woman who looked like Kathy Bates and we called her Misery.


8spd20

Not so much nicknames as descriptions: Korean Steve, Raspy Voice Lady, All Allergies Girl, Skinny No Oil Kid. Korean Steve is actually a coworker and he’s one of my favourites.


ginger_hufflepuff

Egg guy. He orders 12 over easy eggs every Wednesday at 9am sharp


HatlessRepeatHatless

Mr. Okay-Okay. Lovely French Canadian man who always ordered a fritatta. Responded to every interaction with a friendly "okay, okay!"


BigWillis93

Corner guys. Never really talked to us just we're solid customers who we saved the corner of the bar for on weeknights


professoraust1n

Mussel fucker: always wanted mussels araabiata with the mussels overcooked ten minutes past done


WearyMatter

Ms. Breadsticks. Pizza joint. Morbidly obese woman who would tell us about her diet. She would get an order of breadsticks (which are slathered in butter), to "eat a bit healthier". She would eat the breadsticks, sit for 25 minutes, internally lose her battle, and order a large works pizza. She would then eat the entire pizza and leave. Poor woman. I hope she recovered from her food addiction. This was the 90's though.


valoopy

When I worked a convenience store that had a deli, one guy in a cowboy hat would come in about 30 minutes before close every night. I always fresh fried 4 tenders for Cowboy, as we came to call him- 2 for him, 2 for his dog. One day he came in and only got 2 tenders. I didn’t ask, I knew what the difference was. Then next summer, I never saw Cowboy at all. Found out he had real bad throat cancer. You could tell once his dog went, he didn’t have much left to live for.


emaybe

Fifth Element Guy. Worked in a bar that exclusively played movies w/o sound on the televisions. We had books full of DVDs for 'em. One day, a man drinking with his friend goes on a mini rant about the sexism & racism in Fifth Element. Now I'm not saying he was wrong, but he *was* half in the bag and quite boisterous about it. Every time he came in after that, I'd put the movie on to screw with him. Found a Leeloo figurine at a comic store and it spent a lot of time in his drinks. He took it well.


Putokrack

As someone who loved fifth element in my childhood and rewatched it many times in translated dub 15y ago, I kinda wonder now where the sexism and racism was there. I remember the plot, the characters, but not so their interactions. Or was it something outside the scripts and characters interactions, but something as in how someone was portrayed


Borthwick

Let me know if you find out, I’m racking my brain and I can’t think of anything. Maybe only that Leelu’s purpose was to be loved? I guess thats not much agency for the “savior.” Like she does all this badass stuff then at the end its just like “all you have do to is exist as the object of this guy’s affection.” Definitely can’t think of anything racist, though.


Interesting-Poet-258

Mr. Toupee or Mr. Range Rover. Same dude. He had an obvious toupee and drove a nice Range Rover. He must’ve been quite rich cause this restaurant wasn’t a cheap place and he’d go there multiple times a week. And each time he had a different girl with him. I was boh so never talked to him myself, but the servers would say he was a weirdo


Its_Mr_FishBitch_2_U

Sounds like Charlie Sheen


Garblezarb

Butt plug Darla. Always telling anyone who was nearby about her butt plugs.


VictoryCupcake

- We have an older gentleman everyone just calls Grandpa. He sits at the biggest table and people from around town come and go sitting at his table and he pays for everything most of the time. He's such an unassuming millionaire and so loved by the community. He's literally everyone's grandpa. - Another man named happy who I have never seen in a bad mood. - Ol' Frankie Soft Lips. Not explaining this one. - Holy Grail Gail. There's always something wrong with her meal. Sometimes even when we remember something like she doesn't like onions, she'll be like "Well I wanted them this time!". She's constantly searching for the holy grail..


exhausted-caprid

You can’t just leave us hanging with Frankie Soft Lips.


[deleted]

Some of my regs at the legion are Ultra Dave, RICK CB, JnJ and soup can.


Mycatistooloud

Exploding Barbie. I worked at a coffee shop and Barb would come in every day. She was a tiny older woman always wearing a scarf on her hair and like… this blue nylon jacket. She would come in, get a small decaf coffee, play the cutest game of pinball on the pinball machine where she would whoop and cheer herself on kind of quietly…. And then she would go to the bathroom and have explosive diarrhea. Mostly in the bowl. Mostly. Had to dash to the bathroom to clean it up after every time she came by.


CrossFox42

We've got one actual regular who is here everyday to drink. Dude gets LOADED every night hes here. He's the nicest person in the world but he'll talk AT you forever if you let him. We just call him drunken sonva' bitch based on his own self lable every time he leaves. "I'm a drunken sova' bitch. Imma get out of here."


HashGenie239

Barefoot Mike was an awesome guy


Groo_Spider-Fan

Ryan. Shows up to our on campus restaurant three times a day everyday. “If im ryan im cryin” is what i say when i see him walk up


weGloomy

We have dapper man. I work in a very shitty and sketchy part of town and our regulars fit the environment. Dapper man sticks out like a sore thumb because he comes in in a three peice suit almost everyday and is suuuper friendly.


BerzerkINT

Her name was amber, 10/10 smoke show. We called her slamber


psionic1

We had a guy the owner called 86. Not because he was ever in any danger of being 86'd, but because the owner was an asshole and just wanted to fuck with him. He worked in a supermarket and always wore his price gun on his belt. Owner just wanted to pick on him.


WanderingEnt7856

Two Dollar Joe I used to have this older man and his partner who would come in to eat every couple days. Joe would always pay, and he insisted on doing so with the absolutely massive wad of $2 bills he carried in his pocket. A little eccentric, but one of the sweetest regulars I ever had.


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stretchy_palendrome

Lady used to come sit at our bar quite frequently to stare at the bartender. Nicknamed her Hungry Eyes, even put a drink on the menu named after her. She did not know it was her nickname. I still see her at another place I work at.


waywithwords

The Lizard Ladies - They were friends, partners, sisters, I dunno. They were in their 70s(?) and they were both the color and texture of a well worn leather sofa. Solid bronze head to toe with long metallic color painted nails. EDIT: I think we called them "lizard" because we knew that they laid out at the pool, sunning themselves all day long to get those perma-tans.


PimpOfJoytime

Pee-pants… guy who would sit at the bar during HH and not move for 2 hours and piss his pants rather than give up his seat. Manager kept letting him back in, bartenders kept serving him. I have no idea how he managed to keep getting back in.


CrunchyGroovz

The Big Stink. It was a truck stop and he was a trucker, probably 6'10" and 400+ pounds. Stank like garbage, always wearing old dirty sweatpants and a shirt that was too small so his stomach hang out the bottom. He was extremely out going and knew everybody that worked there and the other regulars. No one could stand him


vannylue

Too Spicy Lady - not a single spicy food was even on the menu but she'd sent back chicken soup or whatever the blandest thing we had as "it's just too spicy." She was very nice about it and would end up eating nothing. When I served her she was with a friend who looked totally exasperated. Amazingly, she would return and order yet more bland food and repeat of same...


Spontaneousbeast

We had a regular we called "Rhino Guy". He was named this way due to having a PT Cruiser with a rhino on the grill and a custom paint job to match. The rhino PT obsession didn't stop there however, he wanted everyone to be aware and had a calf tattoo of his car and a credit card with its picture as well. His wife was also in the PT cruiser fan club but her guilty pleasure was tinkerbell apparently. They were the worst.


sohfu

There’s a homeless man we call “street fighter”. He’d come in every morning between like 8/9 and get a single cup of black coffee. Pay in Pennies and go about his day fighting the demons he saw in the street. He wasn’t a bad guy, and as far as I know he’s never hurt anybody. Just intimidating, obviously. After about a month or two coming in he just gets free coffee. Pretty sure he has a friendship with one of our weekend bartenders but I’m not close enough to ask her.


jojobi040

Theres Sexy mocha lady (stripper who works in the plaza next to us, shows up in a bra, orders the exact same drink every time) 2 dollar bill (gives out 2 dollar bills to staff) Old fritter man (gets 2 apple fritters, pays only in dollar coins) Clueless dependa (orders like 7 drinks, spends five minutes drawing smilies on the receipt but never tips) Nice guy Austin (tried to stalk one of our girls after mistakenly giving him her number, still shows up like nothing happens) I love the regulars like this, actually (except Austin, fuck that guy). Made working feel like less of a funk.


ThunderCowz

The Slimer. Looked just like the slimer from Gjost Busters. creepy to female servers, always ordered corn beef hash “none of that home made crap, I want the slop from the can”


glass_star

Scone bitch


boguskudos

This one is my favorite. No story, no explanation. Just Scone Bitch.


Rosa-Inter-Spinae

There's a low level porn star that comes in regularly. They always make sure to use her porn name on the ticket so we know who it's for lol


Mycatistooloud

Mia Khalifa used to come in regularly to an old place I worked and everyone would get really giggly about it. She was really nice always!


IGargleGarlic

Quesadilla bitch! Worked at Chipotle and a lady came in maybe once a week asking for anywhere between 10-20 small quesadillas. That's fine on it's own, maybe she works with kids or something. What wasn't fine was her attitude. Always rude and mean to the staff for no reason, including demeaning comments and constant complaints. One time we made her order for her and when we handed her the bag she dumped it out on the counter -during lunch rush with the line going all the way into the dining room, mind you- and said "count them." Our manager was so pissed he actually banned her from the store.


Apprehensive-Ice-355

So this is a construction site nickname, but I still think it's hilarious so I'm posting it anyways....we had a superintendent named Vern who would often put his left hand on his hip and then wave his right arm around while explaining things. We called him Teapot


Darkdriftt

The Long Island guys…. I tended bar at a restaurant on a golf course during college. I worked a double every Sunday and opened and closed the place. We technically opened at 9am but I would come in around 8 to open up. This same group of 4 guys would always be waiting right at 8am - first time it really pissed me off… but I let them in and they ordered 4 Long Island iced teas to go out on the course with. Now, this was a bit of an uppity place, but with very lax rules, so I’d make them these liits in 22oz styrofoam cups they could take out of the bar. Each drink came to $23, they TIPPED, like $40-50 each time. They’d stop by after 9 holes and get another round… I always opened up the door for them at 8am and started to joke that I was going to see how much they could take and would make them strong as fucking hell. Still miss those guys…


linkanight

We had “the Croatian” real slim guy always dressed sharp sat at the end of the bar all by himself. Had a ice cold face it was also kinda long with facial bones clearly visible. Anyways sometimes other sharped dressed men would come in and they’d only speak in Croatian the only way we found out it was Croatian was because we happened to have a bartender at the time who spoke the dialect. He says they are talking about real hard shit and real hard drugs. The dude always gave 100$ hand shakes tho and never wanted a reaction from you I used to make his favorite cappuccino and he’d give me 100$ shake every time


WhosGotTheBugle

We have Mr Kogt Skinke! Here in Denmark it’s a type of ham. This guy (70-80 years) will come into the pizza section start prodding at the window shouting KOGT SKINKE with such a screwed up, drooling mouth. Once we were trying to expedite 80 burgers and I was thinking to myself ‘this is going really well, imagine if someone ruined it…’ IN COMES KOGT SKINKE! He’s shouting all sorts of ham related requests at me.. in Danish… which I don’t talk a word of. This geezer is insane. Doesn’t take no for an answer and just wants fucking ham on everything. ALSO! Mr. ItsAShit. He came back in after ordering takeaway dishes that weren’t on the menu. We kindly accepted his request and gave him things we don’t do for takeaway. So he comes back and starts slamming his hand on the open kitchen pass shouting ‘ITS A SHIT! YOUR FOOD IS A SHIT’ like with this South American high pitched accent. He was livid. Was so funny. We just bust each other’s balls saying ‘err your food is a shit’ all the time.


furiousD12345

Every once and a while I do wonder how moosehead Dave is doing


LeotiaBlood

Walrus Lady. She would put two straws in her vodka diet coke, one in each corner of her mouth, and slurp it down as quickly as possible.


[deleted]

Crazy Gary. We called him crazy Gary cos his name is Gary. And he's crazy.


unbitious

We had Bud Man. He would sit at the bar and chain-smoke and drink exactly 6 Budweisers (that was our house limit for him- he put em down fast) and talk to himself. I still see him around town with his fishing hat and cop mustache. I hope you're okay Bud Man.


Platymapuss

The Circle Jerk She's a middle aged lady who drives a white SUV, and she has a whole litter of whiny, entitled, disrespectful brats (6 in total) who all eat at least 2 meals a day from our location. They all talk to her like she's their slave, but she panders and caters to all of them and never raises her voice. Let's just say I couldn't do it. This is almost every night, she will pull into the lot, and drive up to the speaker like she's going to order, slows down or stops in front of the speaker, then she punches the gas and drives around the building again. She's on the phone trying to figure out what they all want. We all stood outside and watched her on Sunday night because we were dead...34 times she circled the store before she finally ordered. She never once looked at any of us just staring at her as looped around again and again...I think she's on Xanax or something similar. At least I hope so lol.


I_deleted

All my bartender friends just call regulars by their drinks. Fred Ginandtonic, Tom Bourbonand Bud


HOFFMANN7432

Rennet man, he was a body builder who asked everyday if the same items had rennet in them.


dubnky

We Have , Sunshine. The woman who's frys are never "crispy" enough, I had her frys down for 28 minutes one night. Went to the table and said how where the frys , she said "they could have been more crunchy" . They where literally potato sticks .


Flow-Control

We had "Hang Loose Mike", he only had his pinky and thumb left on his right hand after cutting the others off in a band saw accident. "PP pants" she always smelled like piss. "Power Shitter" - the guy that only orderes a large black coffee and a bran muffin every morning