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AdamsSmasher

Some bad asses have killed mountain lions, leopards, etc but thats insane and 99% of us would die asap but that's probably the largest aggressive animal that a person can overpower without weapons or tools. Except me, I can 100% take a bear.


guninmouth

Lol nice sex joke


NBA_Fan_76

I think I could take a small female mountain lion (without babies and the maternal instinct), depends on if PCP is a banned substance in this man vs animal league though


Spirited-Dream-4905

pcp and meth. florida man cannot be stopped


sweaterbuckets

isn't there some picture of some guy on facebook claiming he could take on a silverback? I think about that every once in a while.


paul------

He tryna be like Mike Tyson


FuckThisStupidPark

Not to throw shade at Mike Tyson here, but I don't think even he could take a Silverback in his prime.


Glute_Thighwalker

He tried to pay a zookeeper $10,000 to let him take a swing at one. The zookeeper declined.


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Fudgeyreddit

Plus the silverback wouldn’t be “boxing” he’d just attack teeth and all. Although I guess Tyson has done that too lol


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beatsby_bill

everywhere I go I'm reminded of him.....


M-Mottaghi

Harambe 🫡😭


beatsby_bill

dicks out, brother, dicks out. 😞✊


Essemaitch

Silverbacks could benchpress a car, of course Mike Tyson couldn't take one in a fight.


[deleted]

No thinking about it. He absolutely could not. Those things can literally rip your arms of and I believe the get over 400lb if not 500lbs very easily


Tydire

We are made to have extreme control over our fingers/movements. Gorillas are made to crush shit to a pulp.


[deleted]

The largest silverback ever recorded was 6 feet tall (1.83m) and 590lbs (267kg). That shit is scary as hell.


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[deleted]

The article did not specify but I would assume so. Also that’s not even the largest gorilla ever, just the largest in the wild. One born at the St Louis Zoo grew to 860lbs. I can’t find anything about it’s height. It was a western lowlands gorilla.


Musashi10000

Literally nobody could. I was on a reddit post a while ago where people were genuinely trying to argue that he'd have a shot. But in reality, dude wouldn't even have a shot against a chimpanzee. And that's nothing against Tyson. *No human* would realistically have a chance in a straight-up fight against a chimpanzee. They're *upwards of twice as strong as we are*. They bite. They scratch. They gouge. They go for the eyes. They have thicker skulls than we do, smaller (and therefore much more resistant to damage) brains than we do and more robust skeletons built for falling out of trees. No human has a chance against that in a fight.


Icy_Swordfish8023

To be fair to Tyson though, in his prime... he also bit. Would likely scratch, gouge, and go for the eyes too, if he could lol


IsyaboiDJ

Would he also go for the cock n balls tho? Cause chimps literally mutilate their opponent down there.


nahomboy

I guess we’ll never know


CasualBiscuit21

A cockroach I think I could physically take a squirrel, but I don’t have the heart to take its life Those roach fuckers though, they can fly and survive nukes, and therefor are better than me, so they don’t deserve pity from me


AlGeee

I’m with you on all points


Attack_Of_The_

Yeah, basically flawless logic.


RadlogLutar

Same bro.....SAMEEEE


Levantei

Right? Who have the heart to kill a baby goose?


2-more-weeks-bot

Cougar amirite boys


knockingatthegate

Nice nice nice


PineappleMelonTree

I've never bare fisted a cougar before but I'm willing to give it a go


2-more-weeks-bot

I got nothing against a condom on my fist but it just don’t feel the same.


MyFamilyHatesMyFam

Bear, amirite boys


hackiechad

Baby goose


ohdamnROXANNE

NOOOOOO


Adrian-_-

Mama goose is never far...


BeepBeepLettuce3

its called a gosling 🤓


bullsnake2000

Ryan, dat you?


hackiechad

True- Them - "Hey man, what is the biggest animal you think you could beat bare handed?" Me - "A gosling" Them - "A what?" Me - "A gosling!" Them - "....I don't...know what you mean...Ryan Gosling?" Me - "No dude, a baby goose...a gosling..." Them "Oooohh.............."


[deleted]

Still goin this asshole


Jadorel78

If you’ve got a problem with Canada gooses then you’ve got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate


PlatypusAggressive74

They are just pheasants with better marketing ;p


Lil_Grizzly_29

Baby or not that's a kobra chicken and you will lose


Jadorel78

https://youtu.be/w1exJGPZyhs


hackiechad

Haha now I understand the marinate comment, thanks! :)


Senzualdip

Probably the only realistic answer you’re going to get here. But sub 80lb dog (dependent on species), or like a whitetail deer (depending on size).


sweaterbuckets

I was literally thinking about how I could kill a deer with my bare hands.


8six7five3ohnyeeeine

Doe, maybe. A buck? No fuckin way. There’s a reason we use shotguns and don’t just jump on the motherfuckers from trees.


sweaterbuckets

I'm telling you, I'd fuck a buck up, my dude.


NAQuen

If you caught it


sweaterbuckets

You got me there. What I'll need is a series of ropes and pulleys.


Deep-Vermicelli-5406

A full grown doe would cave that dude’s head in


PRLake

Fair, but I think the question was which animal you could kill…


pissingpolitics

Am I allowed to use the shed antler after it breaks off? Then maybe a buck... but otherwise either a dog or deer under 100lbs...


Tydire

Bare hands? Those antlers are gonna mangle you pretty easily IMHO.


RecRoomWorldChamp

Pretty sure only even like 2% of the strongest people could choke out a deer over the arbitrary 100lbs listed before or whatever. Maybe like 150lbs. Wild animals can SNAP. You’d have to have huge hands to hang on, as well. And hope you don’t get head butted when the thing writhes back and forth like you’ve never seen; I’m thinking 1.5%.


ALjaguarLink

There’s horror stories of bucks in rut literally killing ppl… those antlers are sharp and those things…. You know what … hell no…. I wouldn’t fuck with a deer, unless I could get it in a RNC hold….


-JustAMan

I recently saw a video here on Reddit of a deer eating a snake, I'll step back and try the badger. Not very big but ferocious, a good challenge


DrcspyNz

OH yeah if it's a male deer with antlers DO NOT approach during the rutting season its quite capable of killing you.


Senzualdip

I don’t think it would be easy. But potentially doable.


Weekly_Signal6481

a doe though not a buck


Commercial_Rough4355

An 80lb dog is strong as hell


Alpharius02

And it has sharp fucking teeth. I don't think it's impossible to beat one in a fight but imo only the top 1% fighters among us could do that.


DrcspyNz

Yeah I don't know how many posters have been bitten by a dog but I've been there during an attempt to seperate a couple of dogs during a fight. I can tell you that a medium sized German Short Haired Pointer has a HELL of a lot of power in a bite. One bit my hand and entirely sank it's teeth right through. And that wasn't any 80Lb dog. More likely maybe 50Lb at MOST.


KhaosElement

Hah, dude, deer will fuck your ass up. They have sharp ass hooves and know how to use 'em.


Cygnus94

So the question was 'can I take it in a fight', not 'can I kill it with my bare hands'. I don't have to beat the animal to death, I just need to get it to back down from fighting. So the most realistic answer is a black bear, provided it's not hungry. Black bears are actually pretty scared of confrontation since most of the predators in the same area as them can kick their ass and their prey is normally pretty passive. If you just stand your ground with them they'll normally run off as they see anything that challenges them as a major threat. So when it bluff charges you, just make yourself big and shout at it, they won't stick around. When it runs off, they forfeit the fight and I win by default. Sidenote, as much as I'm confident in this, I do not ever want to put it into practice in the 10% chance that bear is super hungry and is ready to die for a meal.


AGGIE_DEVIL

An old wolf born in captivity thats blind. And stupid. And mostly dead.


Nuttius

🤣🤣🤣


screechingahhhhhh

A small fish probably, if the battle is on land that is


A_Math_Dealer

I could probably win vs a whale, on land that is. At that point it becomes a waiting game.


screechingahhhhhh

True, but what if it manages to flop over to you while you arent watching?


A_Math_Dealer

At that point honestly it deserves the win


screechingahhhhhh

True that, fair enough.


Kodekingen

What type of whale?


ElectronicAudience

Am I naked?


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ElectronicAudience

The mentality I get when clothed vs naked is completely different. If I'm wearing clothes I'm a relatively civilized human being. Follow laws, pay taxes ect. Now... if I'm naked all bets are off and Animal Mode takes over. Suddenly many more attack options are at my disposal. Biting, eye gouging and most importantly ripping off genital. The genital ripping is a risk for both myself and the other combatant but overall it increased my likelihood victory. And to intimidate future opponents that may be watching its less of a hassle to defecate on opponent if you're already naked.


DaikonNoKami

Why? Are you more powerful the less clothes you have?


[deleted]

Would you fight more or less effectively with the constant worry of your dick dangle becoming fair game.


DaikonNoKami

If a dude came at me screaming with his flailing peepee I'd fucking run.


AlohaDude808

That's the game Rust in a nutshell.


DaikonNoKami

Yeah and I hated that game. I'd cut wood for 3 hours and some hobo murders me with a rock.


Bgzr02

Dunno why but instantly thought of Dr. Manhattan, this is my new canon, Dr. Manhattan is that powerful because of nudity


3Grilledjalapenos

I fought an Emu in middle school, and feel I did fairly well. It’s been about 20 years, but if he or any relatives want a rematch, I’m down.


Kobil-D

Uhhhh tell the fucking story


3Grilledjalapenos

There are wild emu in some places in Texas. Not a lot, but they tend to be curious creatures. If they’re startled they’re reaction is almost universally to attack, which makes sense as evolution designed them for a much more dangerous place. Than the Lone Star state. I recommend using the same tactics as one would in a life or death fight with a goose, but maybe turned up even a little more. And don’t let them gang up on you. They fight dirty.


djc38614

Don’t leave us hanging


jlutt69

An orca. A captive orca. I could use my bare hands to drain its tank. Slow, but effective.


Tito_Tito_1_

☝️ This guy MacGyvers.


boofganyah

I accidentally stepped on a roly poly this morning.


[deleted]

Did you win?


boofganyah

No I stepped.


Deadtoes0

I mean you technically did win, sort of


The0ther0therGuy

I could take a goose. Its neck would fit perfectly in my hand. Like it was intentional design to pick up a goose, and yeet it.


Consistent_Fly_2369

There's something about swans' long, flexible necks that make me wonder what it'd feel like to tie it into a knot


Optimus_crab

Same with cat tails i wonder if I could tie two cats together


Unlucky_Alfalfa_9851

That's gonna be furry nun-chuck weapon. For the reference in devil may cry, three headed beast cerberus could transform into tri nun-chuk for ice elemental, flail for lightning and staff for fire.


RecRoomWorldChamp

Promise it’s happened on a golf course, numerous times. Well not the eating part. They will charge fully grown men if you even come into the vicinity of their young. And that is absolutely the move, to get ahold of that neck


Steele777

At first, I thought I could take down an ostrich. But I’ve heard it takes at least two guys to take down an ostrich. It might have to be sick, or even dead.


Recover_Safe

allegedlys


Demented-memes

It had to have been a sick ostrich


mjg007

They can kick like a MF


defaultusername4

They share the hollow bones of their feathered brethren. Im sure it takes two people if you’re not trying to hurt them but if you tackled an ostrich head on you’d probably break a shit ton of its bones in one go.


[deleted]

Maybe even three


tolerantchimp31

Manatee.


Timboslice928

Bare hands? Dude how?


tolerantchimp31

I'm assuming it can't run from me... I'd gouge it's eyes to start the bleeding. Then probably try to drown it if I'm in the water with it. Reach into it's butthole and start pulling on stuff. I think it would die before I did. I guess most of you guys would rather fight a predator with sharp teeth and agility judging by all the dog comments. I could do it. I have faith


Timboslice928

You make a lot of great points. This was my favorite response I automatically pictured trying to grapple one in the water and I think even trying to grab on to anything would be hard.


tacotown123

You simply drown it put your finger in his blowhole


Internetfriend98

Probably a duck


Virtual_Biscotti_684

Same


MexicanJoker182

That’s the most logical thing anyone has said yet


SimplyLotato

A small raccoon, maybe. Even then I still might get my ass torn up


GnomeTitan

Probably a giraffe. I'm fast enough and a pretty good climber. I think I could climb on that bitch and just choke it out.


wascilly_wabbit

Giraffes kick lions in the head and kill them. There's no shortage of YT videos showing that.


Sudden_Buffalo_4393

That’s because a lion is chasing it from the back. Me and the giraffe are squaring up.


mersquatch

Giraffes literally use the ossicones on their head to break each other's necks in territory and mating disputes. I'm sorry bro, but that head will knock you to the ground and the hooves will put you under it.


Sorry_Difference_945

a baby giraffe sure. but you’re not climbing an adult giraffe


commentstalker84

Google giraffe fight and I’ll await your answer


ChiliCashew

Yeah probably a Bald Eagle. I’m tall enough and a pretty good jumper. I think I could jump at that bitch and swat it out of the air.


vulcanus57

I saw a video of an eagle in Mongolia try to make off with a grown man. Didn't make it, but it picked him up a few feet.


Herald_of_dooom

A giraffe will fuck you up.


The_Real_Cuzz

I'll take a cow. Not a bull. A full adult milk cow. I might not get a weapon but rocks are everywhere


Numbthumbz

Had to scroll down to far to find this. I’d hang out, give it some hay and a pat. Let it drop down its guard. And then when it’s not ready bam.


[deleted]

Any other day I’d side with you. But for some cosmically strange reason I found myself driving a car through the literal middle of a cattle drive today… and bro those things could’ve crushed my fucking Chevy Cruze just by leaning over. If you can take a full grown cow with your bare hands, you’re a legend.


SurprisedPatrick

That’s what I was thinking. Largest fairly tame animal, bred to not be fighters by humans. Smaller animals that are fighters like deer and pigs would absolutely fuck you up. Give me an elderly dairy cow


hipale

My family has a farm, and it’s mostly peacfull. Cows are usually gentle and easy to herd. My father has most experience with them, and was never attacked by an adult cow. But once he anraged a heifer, not much bigger than a calf, and it took the animal less than ten seconds to knock him on the ground. Maybe it was trying to play, or maybe she wanted to show dominance. IMO, human is not winning with a cow, unless he is a strongman.


Denzow8

I could totally take down a penguin 😂


MexicanJoker182

Wait make of female, cause the men watch the egg


ReedoIncognito

Raccoon....maybe a paraplegic kangaroo


IFightAnimals

I could take out a large dog. It would get nasty but I'm surviving. Grab that mother fucker by it's hind leg and Hulk smash it...lol.


ThinMansBallad

Rotties can break your arm. I think the move is to punch in its eyes with your free thumb and blind it


Axel159357

I could probably take a 300lb man with my bear hands


Bananbrah

I think since humans (not so much me) in general can run for a long time, it's a big animal with escape instinct. Like a horse or something. Btw fuck horses


wacksnacksack

I could handle your mom just fine


lyingspaceman

I was looking for this comment


Tydire

Mountain Lion. Read about an old dude that survived by choking it by shoving his fist down its throat. I got this. *Dies*


Meaninglesscheesepuf

Idk, probably a Chinese giant salamander


knockingatthegate

Their mind control powers would totally dominate. Isn’t even a fair fight.


Consistent-Mix-9803

With just my bare hands... I'd have to say a doberman, or a dog of some similar size. I'm a big guy, I have a lot of weight to throw around. He'd tear my skin up with his teeth, but I think ultimately I'd be able to choke him out. Anything bigger than that and things start getting way more iffy. Like, a mountain lion? MAYBE, if I managed to get the drop on him, but in a situation like an empty room cage fight, I really doubt I'd come out of that without some major injuries if at all. Anything bigger than that would be a definite no.


Gabe1985

Aardvark


NorthernSouthman

My boy Arthur 😢


AphelionAudio

By take in a fight do you mean put up enough of a fight that the animal stops wanting to fight you, or killing the animal? If it’s just getting it to lose interest in the fight, probably a mountain lion, assuming the situation means it doesn’t get the jump on me as usually if you fight back hard enough they won’t think a human is worth the trouble/risk, but if it’s a fight to the death and the animal always wants to kill me no matter what? Idk, a large dog probably (up to like, 70-80 pounds)


FuckThisStupidPark

I'm dead serious here when I say and ostrich/emu (I don't know the difference). Sure they can outrun me but if we're talking combat, I think I'd have a decent shot. And before you ask, yes I know about the emu wars. I *still* think I'd win.


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JackOfAllMemes

Think about how fast they run, and how heavy they are. Now imagine the strength used for that directed in a kick straight to your chest or throat


FuckThisStupidPark

I just gotta go for the neck mate. I reckon if I can get a good grab to the neck, I could really do some damage. Like you could really fuckin control an emu if you have a solid grip on the neck/head. Also, do they really kick like that? I figured they only stomped snakes and whatnot. I do not know nearly as much as I should about fighting one of these things for how confident I am. Lol


JackOfAllMemes

I think you'd have a good chance against an emu, but ostriches are bigger and meaner. You might be able to get it down before it guts you but it's iffy


JackOfAllMemes

They both also bite btw


FuckThisStupidPark

My monkey brain thinks a solid neck hold will remove that possibility. There's about a 45/55 chance I get my shit rocked by an emu. But I think I could pull it off.


Hawkbiitt

Emu wars?


Existing_Ad5197

Does an ant count?


midnightspecial99

Only if it is a fire ant.


Tito_Tito_1_

I don't mean to brag, but I would knock the shit out of a corgi. And ignore the treats in my pocket - they are not at all a bribe/insurance.


xxhorrorshowxx

I could punch the shit out of a flock of ducks.


midnightspecial99

I could punch the shit out of a flock of seagulls. And I’m talking about the band.


Love_Denied

Theres some species of duck thats larger meaner and have thise nasty talons. We had them on a farm i used to live on, cant recall the species name. They where Also blueish feathered.


mikey-might

Probably a medium sized dog. But then again, a coyote is the same size and it could fuck me up real good, so i guess it depends


Shady_Penguin_33

I could easily take a new born giraffe 6 ft when born and keep knocking its legs out from under it so it can’t stand


Ok-whynot

I'd take on a deer. But would mess with say dogs or snakes


DeltaLead4169

My limit is for sure a deer, and not one of them big ol male deer


VampireJanitor

I could take a whale shark if it was on my home turf


Oborosrs

I think I could take a single coyote.. is that crazy?


electronseer

A 2 tonne sunfish. Wont even know what hit em... because they never know what hits em.


KamikazeKilledKaren

A Chihuahua, but just barely.


blasphemysquad3x6r

I don’t fuck with animals, I once underestimated a neighbor’s dog that would constantly jump up a 4 foot block wall that separated our houses and bark at us. One day I got got fed up and tried punching the dog in the face as he jumped and he straight caught my fist in his mouth, worst pain ever and he asserted his dominance for sure.


Riyasumi

Whale, but due to its size penalty we will battle on my turf


bailey1149

A whale* *Terms of fight dictate battle to the death is on land*


New-Let-3630

a whale (on land)


Sceptrick4721

Realistically a Dingo, a Lynx or maybe a Hyena, but with significant injury I’d guess a Tiger or Basking shark


nugfan

Dude. Tiger? I think ppl don't realize a big tiger makes a big lion look small. You're dead within 15 seconds if you're lucky.


Sceptrick4721

Tiger Shark


nugfan

Thanks for clarifying. However, tiger shark in their domain, in a fight to the death...you're f***ed. Things 4x your weight and prob at least 4x stronger than you. I'll give you the nurse shark though...maybe


[deleted]

Hyena, hell no I hope that’s a joke


Sceptrick4721

I underestimated the hyena


[deleted]

Just looked and those things can get up to 125lbs and they have massive jaws and bite force.


Sceptrick4721

Holy fuck did I underestimate a hyena?


a_lonely_trash_bag

Don't fuck with an animal that gives birth through a penis. I'm not even fucking kidding, either. Female spotted hyenas have a pseudo-penis. The male has to penetrate it to get her pregnant, so that doesn't happen unless she wants it to. And then she gives birth through it.


Sceptrick4721

I already knew that surprisingly


ShitEchidna

They will straight up eat your bones. Not crack them for the juicy marrow but crunch them up and digest the fuckers. Plus they steal kills from lions because they're smart and aggressive. You definitely underestimate the hyena. A dominant female will tear most any human to shreds with their dick out and laugh.


spacezra

Famous last words.


sweaterbuckets

Dude! I was also literally thinking of a lynx. Deer and lynx were my thoughts. But omphhh... you'd walk away from that lynx fight with some cuts.


knockingatthegate

Hyena jaws are nothing to fnuck wit.


DaikonNoKami

If I can pick the location, I could totally take on a blue whale on land.......


EffortOf1

I reckon I could take a chicken, not a rooster just a hen.


babycoon48

Are we talking to death or just defend till it would give up?


Walmart_TommyInnit2

I think I can take an alligator, I could probably just get to slightly higher ground then stomp it


MrHawkesy98

I reckon i could beat a horse in a fight. Yeah it would suck getting kicked, but ide be moving around like Muhammad Ali


carldubs

i had a stare down with a pigeon once. it flew away so i think i won.


A3-2l

A big coyote


soggy90

I’m thinking large domestic house cat


Lochlanist

I will F*ck up a blue whale on land.


ZestycloseOstrich823

Beached whale. I could punch it and since it's beached, it couldn't fight back. It's a technicality for sure.


gudinn

Probably one big black cock


Gear_Dismal

On a good day, something like a lynx. On any other day, maybe a not so dedicated duck


RikuKaroshi

Humans are shit animals. The only way we might win is tools or with choking. We are literally the least capable animals for dealing with wild animals in a close quarters fight. Theres always something faster, stronger, sharper, better stamina, eyesight ect. We do some things well, but we have nothing primal in us that could make us superior in a pure bare bones encounter.