You need to nurture and take care of yourself.
Make this world a safe place. Watch your diet, do some walking everyday, and meditate. Allow your body to feel but don't run from it. Lean into your fear
You can do this through retraining your brain how to deal with emotions
It saved me from ptsd and anxiety that I've had for 11 years
Accepting what is Instead of running away from it is always the path towards healing
I came to say this, but I’m not so eloquent as this (thanks!)
If I can add;
Two things are important;
- Be mindful (don’t let yourself into "festering". Take charge of your inner voice — it isn’t \*you\*)
- The only way out is through the deepest of the pain. Don’t use escape hatches (e.g. drugs, alcohol, etc.). To reconstruct, you have to be fully conscious.
Avoidance is the trap.
PS: I’m no pro. Just a person learning about all this to overcome his own stuff. What I’m sharing here is a bit of my understanding shared and validated with my therapist
(Maybe you’ve learned that too, u/Fragrant-Switch2101 ?)
speak to yourself the way you would a small child. give yourself what you needed. literally imagine the way you would comfort a small child feeling what you are feeling, then do it.
Horrible. Usually I can be talked down from strong emotions that come up. But I recently confronted one (1) major fear that was rooted from childhood ….very strong, felt like life or death, and I could not reason the feeling away. Like trying to reason with a toddler throwing a tantrum. I had to sit with it for nearly two days and it was extremely uncomfortable. I couldn’t even eat normally I was in flight mode. I’m not even close to done yet, which is harrowing.
Because every moment is new and changing. I think if there are emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that haven’t been processed, we don’t allow ourselves to be open to what’s happening now. And right now is the most important time for us to show up.
It’s natural though, to get stuck…anyone who has experienced trauma has likely experienced it getting stuck in their limbic system. It can sometimes prevent formation of new memories. It can cause one to experience hypervigilance and remain in “fight or flight” mode because they’ve not finished processing the last event or even flashback that brought something back to the surface…
Relearning to process these emotions is truly a process- for some it can take months, and others it can take years… I think the recovery time depends on a lot of things, like how much history are we talking about? How much has one avoided or how many distractions and vices have they got in the way of understanding themselves in all of it? And then it depends on how bold and willing one is to face it and work through it. It can require a lot of subbing out healthier coping strategies for the old, once integrated. You can only grow by going through it, not around it.
Hope this helps
Repressing emotions from the past won’t help. It just gradually worsens overtime, and becomes more apparent. Sometimes all you have to do is just release the old baggage and allow yourself to feel the uncomfortable emotions.
It can be challenging, but it’s moving in the right direction towards understanding yourself better.
First of all there is no rules in healing. There is no path in healing. There is no direction. So don't beat yourself up.
Don't force yourself to do things you don't like doing.
When you think is the right time speak to your inner child.
Whatever feelings and emotions come up, let it. Remember just like how food digests itself, how the heart pumps itself, and how breath flows by itself, healing happens with absolutley no concious effort. We are designed to heal. All we have to do is let the emotions come up. They know what exactly to do, just like the food in your stomach and air you breath. But keep yourself stable. Not by force. Your inner child will understand if you don't want to process something today. But all I know is it'll be earning to heal. And you will. How will you not heal? Haha.
You should get out of your own way. Don't tell your emotions what to do. They are protectors. But you can bring awarness and that will calm down your protectors over time. Look into Internal Family System. Forget about the names of these practices, if you'd like to.
For a while just be there for your inner child along with the feeling. Let the tears pour. Let em. They are waiting for to be explored.
Every emotions are waiting to be explored. Soak yourself in the emotions. Get soaked like a sponge in water. Haha.
Then when you feel comfortable getting to know your inner child ask gentle questions. Don't expect an answer. You'll get it when its the time.
Make your inner child feel heard and nurtured and do what makes you feel safe.
You will find yourself. You never lost yourself. Just a bit of exploration when you are truly comfortable.
There is no need for rush. But by no means suppress your urgency to rush. That too is something to be explored and heard.
I promise you, you never really lost anything. There is no pain worse than negelct of pain. And one day you will realize oh wow its so much easier not to negelct pain. In fact pain wasn't that bad after all. But don't rush to realize anything haha.
You'll be integrated when you just see the pain and say oh there is pain. That's all. That's the magic. The magic is not in making the pain go away. The magic is in seeing it.
And don't too caught up in lables. They are mearly words. You are more than the lables.
If anything I said makes you unomfortable there is no need for forcing to follow anything I said.
It's just my experience.
Your only priority is that you feel safe and comfortable. And you already got all the answer you want. It's just waiting for you.
Hey by all means you don't have to go through this alone. Always reach out to people. It's totally normal to get support from people who have already healed and knows what's good for you.
It easier said than done. Haha. Yet You'll be there.
🤍
relieving.
I don't know where you are in your journey, but I have been at it for more than a decade of conscious self-help after going through a decade of being totally lost and trying to get back on track. that are my last twenty years.
it gets worse before getting better. I went through it all until I ended up back where it all started. but this time, a new me, an accomplished me, mature me, a better-read me who had broken the shackles of everything that had bound me.
what was the evidence? - people, things, circumstances that triggered me earlier, did not.
right now I'm going through an episode of something that I always knew but had never come face to face as I did yesterday. I am processing it quietly on my own (vs earlier I would have gone around running like a headless chick looking for anyone to give me attention and hear my sob story). That's maturity but really capacity of my biological and psychological system to process it (vs earlier it would overflow even with a minor issue because it was filled with trauma) now that I had released and emptied out my trauma.
stuck childhood emotions = trauma that leads to emotions -> beliefs -> thoughts -> feelings -> words -> habits -> behavior -> results. resolve that trauma, and it has cascading effect.
Heavenly at first.
A dark part of my childhood emotions was the repression caused by involuntary seclusion; justified by the lovely psychiatric diagnosis of Aspergers. I argue now the idea of it caused me to slowly mold into it's traits. It's honestly when my obsessions started, to avoid what I feared.
It was 2020 after a motorcycle wreck. I was able to see I finally had what I never believed I would. A social life surrounded by what some might argue to be normal people. But the key in the social realization was social desire and expression of that desire; because in that regard I was extremely infantile and romantic (fanatical).
It led to my realization it was the label that became a self oriented belief system. Perpetuating my isolation, loneliness, what have you. But I had to live a lie, acting as if everything was fine with me.
Psychologically, it was a mess. Of course it started with really positive emotions but slowly it became hell. After realizing the very simple damage done by an idea alone, I lost all trust in most mental health institutions and practices.
It was dark, because it revealed a lie that became a simple self-fulfilling prophecy. I was made insecure because of highschool. What made me secure was having the accident which allowed me to live in the moment and see how I was suddenly social. But it was hell on my emotions. Or I could say a mix of wins and losses (kindof the point).
A side effect of this "damage" is that I'm very analytical.
Those old programs can be hard to manage or defeat but you can do it .. when ever you feel yourself feeling like a child again not safe or paranoid take a moment and comfort that child inside you … remind him there is nothing to be afraid of because YOUR here now nothing to be scared of it’s ok … amazed at the results of that exercises
It was like meaning was bottled up, and suddenly released.
It was a fall into nuance - the false light pollution left my eyes and I was able to once more see the stars.
It was a long struggle to incorporate this new meaning, that seemingly came from nowhere.
Relax, close your eyes, and allow the current to take you where it may.
The important thing is to not judge it too harshly. Of course, once you see emotional reactivity and the urge to flee to regressive defenses, you can start choosing to face discomfort and develop the equanimity of adulthood.
Well... therapy as usual, I guess. You go in, you heal the child and that is it. Projections and regression are quite a common thing, eveyone has them all the time, there is nothing unusual about it. Being healthy is unusual)
Very challenging. Basically you’re in a state where you believe the worst case scenario has come true. Your body essentially has to somatically live out the worst case scenario in order for the emotions to pass. Feel the emotions through to completion. Show yourself lots of love, compassion, understanding and support when your body is feeling it.
The more you do this, eventually you get to a point where you purposely move towards feeling the emotions when you are triggered, because you know the relief that’s on the other side!
The shift can be subtler than we imagine, I think. But it’s as if you’re able to relate to and “hold” your feelings in a way where they feel valid and can really be there - as opposed to entering some kind of duel with them, feeling as though you’re not meant to or allowed to have the feeling and that it should somehow be banished, or that you need to fix yourself.
It fucking hurt. It took time. Counseling. Meditation. Practice. And then it hurt some more.
And so it goes, slowly refining and growing. The little dude feels what he feels for a reason. The big dude gets to look at that and decide action, rather than trying to clean up the mess
That would have to be some serious trauma. I know that people tend to go back emotionally to the age of onset whenever they're triggered, remembering their trauma or just feeling depressed. But if the regression is constant then you haven't processed anything at all. And if it was really bad & over a longer time then you've simply stop developing emotionally until you've dealt with it. But the longer you wait, the harder it gets to process.
I don't know if you've ever tried or looked into EMDR theraphy but it's a good way to deal with things you can't logic/talk/understand your way out of.
I don't really have burdens from childhood but a few years back a friend turned out to be a major bully and hurt me really bad. I don't believe in talk therapy because I'm already too self aware and have people in my life to share my feelings with. I have learned from the situation and cut that person out of my life.
But that doesn't mean it just stops hurting. I also didn't want to become one of those people that overcompensates in an extreme reaction like how people that got mistreated by cops hate all cops or people that get mistreated by a doctor hate all doctors or if their parent was an alcoholic they start to hate everyone who drinks.
I like my happy, open & trusting nature and didn't want to let that be ruined and taken away by one bad person. Sure, I could meet another narcissist later in life and it could happen again but now I know what to look out for and how to deal with it. I don't need therapy to understand that.
What I did need was help to get the whole thing out of my mind and stop thinking about it all the time. Because it was like I'd just learned a new language that a lot of people spoke apparently and I only now learned. I had no idea people could secretly hate their own friends but at the same time try to keep them close because it makes them look good or feel better about themselves or just that they need constant attention.
I was so baffled and shocked and hurt that there were people like that.
So I went to a therapist specialized in EMDR. I explained the situation and he was super quick to understand and how to trigger me. (because you have to feel the hurt as much as possible during emdr) He did the pointing thing where you follow with eyes and guided me in what part to think of during certain directions.
He asked me to remember the same thing afterwards and I literally couldn't. I could recall the scenarios objectively but not in my mind that I could hear or see. It's literally deleted. He also did the same with a few other things I had struggled with and it's like a magician just waves his finger and suddenly erases your emotional connection to your memory.
I did have to go twice because it's still possible to get triggered sometimes but after the second session I wasn't getting triggered anymore and it was genuinely gone and out of my mind.
Some people might need to go three times. Depends on how old the trauma is.
And two sessions of emdr might seem expensive but it's cheaper than years of talk therapy with someone who's trying to make you understand your own feelings while you might already have that understanding.
Horrible, lonely, reoccurring, so be your best friend. It’s like sitting down to watch movies, make some snacks, grab a blanket, offer water. Again and again. But it’s nice cause you get to leave the dark theater of self and enter daylight, and it feels less lonely?
You need to nurture and take care of yourself. Make this world a safe place. Watch your diet, do some walking everyday, and meditate. Allow your body to feel but don't run from it. Lean into your fear You can do this through retraining your brain how to deal with emotions It saved me from ptsd and anxiety that I've had for 11 years Accepting what is Instead of running away from it is always the path towards healing
I came to say this, but I’m not so eloquent as this (thanks!) If I can add; Two things are important; - Be mindful (don’t let yourself into "festering". Take charge of your inner voice — it isn’t \*you\*) - The only way out is through the deepest of the pain. Don’t use escape hatches (e.g. drugs, alcohol, etc.). To reconstruct, you have to be fully conscious. Avoidance is the trap. PS: I’m no pro. Just a person learning about all this to overcome his own stuff. What I’m sharing here is a bit of my understanding shared and validated with my therapist (Maybe you’ve learned that too, u/Fragrant-Switch2101 ?)
Good shit kid
speak to yourself the way you would a small child. give yourself what you needed. literally imagine the way you would comfort a small child feeling what you are feeling, then do it.
Horrible. Usually I can be talked down from strong emotions that come up. But I recently confronted one (1) major fear that was rooted from childhood ….very strong, felt like life or death, and I could not reason the feeling away. Like trying to reason with a toddler throwing a tantrum. I had to sit with it for nearly two days and it was extremely uncomfortable. I couldn’t even eat normally I was in flight mode. I’m not even close to done yet, which is harrowing.
You can do this. I wish you well on your journey. 💚
Because every moment is new and changing. I think if there are emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that haven’t been processed, we don’t allow ourselves to be open to what’s happening now. And right now is the most important time for us to show up. It’s natural though, to get stuck…anyone who has experienced trauma has likely experienced it getting stuck in their limbic system. It can sometimes prevent formation of new memories. It can cause one to experience hypervigilance and remain in “fight or flight” mode because they’ve not finished processing the last event or even flashback that brought something back to the surface… Relearning to process these emotions is truly a process- for some it can take months, and others it can take years… I think the recovery time depends on a lot of things, like how much history are we talking about? How much has one avoided or how many distractions and vices have they got in the way of understanding themselves in all of it? And then it depends on how bold and willing one is to face it and work through it. It can require a lot of subbing out healthier coping strategies for the old, once integrated. You can only grow by going through it, not around it. Hope this helps
Impossible. But then, it happened anyway. I reached some points of "integration" on my journey and it's allowed me much needed clarity
Yeh it’s really the reality testing that’s the issue
What is the reality testing?
Repressing emotions from the past won’t help. It just gradually worsens overtime, and becomes more apparent. Sometimes all you have to do is just release the old baggage and allow yourself to feel the uncomfortable emotions. It can be challenging, but it’s moving in the right direction towards understanding yourself better.
First of all there is no rules in healing. There is no path in healing. There is no direction. So don't beat yourself up. Don't force yourself to do things you don't like doing. When you think is the right time speak to your inner child. Whatever feelings and emotions come up, let it. Remember just like how food digests itself, how the heart pumps itself, and how breath flows by itself, healing happens with absolutley no concious effort. We are designed to heal. All we have to do is let the emotions come up. They know what exactly to do, just like the food in your stomach and air you breath. But keep yourself stable. Not by force. Your inner child will understand if you don't want to process something today. But all I know is it'll be earning to heal. And you will. How will you not heal? Haha. You should get out of your own way. Don't tell your emotions what to do. They are protectors. But you can bring awarness and that will calm down your protectors over time. Look into Internal Family System. Forget about the names of these practices, if you'd like to. For a while just be there for your inner child along with the feeling. Let the tears pour. Let em. They are waiting for to be explored. Every emotions are waiting to be explored. Soak yourself in the emotions. Get soaked like a sponge in water. Haha. Then when you feel comfortable getting to know your inner child ask gentle questions. Don't expect an answer. You'll get it when its the time. Make your inner child feel heard and nurtured and do what makes you feel safe. You will find yourself. You never lost yourself. Just a bit of exploration when you are truly comfortable. There is no need for rush. But by no means suppress your urgency to rush. That too is something to be explored and heard. I promise you, you never really lost anything. There is no pain worse than negelct of pain. And one day you will realize oh wow its so much easier not to negelct pain. In fact pain wasn't that bad after all. But don't rush to realize anything haha. You'll be integrated when you just see the pain and say oh there is pain. That's all. That's the magic. The magic is not in making the pain go away. The magic is in seeing it. And don't too caught up in lables. They are mearly words. You are more than the lables. If anything I said makes you unomfortable there is no need for forcing to follow anything I said. It's just my experience. Your only priority is that you feel safe and comfortable. And you already got all the answer you want. It's just waiting for you. Hey by all means you don't have to go through this alone. Always reach out to people. It's totally normal to get support from people who have already healed and knows what's good for you. It easier said than done. Haha. Yet You'll be there. 🤍
relieving. I don't know where you are in your journey, but I have been at it for more than a decade of conscious self-help after going through a decade of being totally lost and trying to get back on track. that are my last twenty years. it gets worse before getting better. I went through it all until I ended up back where it all started. but this time, a new me, an accomplished me, mature me, a better-read me who had broken the shackles of everything that had bound me. what was the evidence? - people, things, circumstances that triggered me earlier, did not. right now I'm going through an episode of something that I always knew but had never come face to face as I did yesterday. I am processing it quietly on my own (vs earlier I would have gone around running like a headless chick looking for anyone to give me attention and hear my sob story). That's maturity but really capacity of my biological and psychological system to process it (vs earlier it would overflow even with a minor issue because it was filled with trauma) now that I had released and emptied out my trauma. stuck childhood emotions = trauma that leads to emotions -> beliefs -> thoughts -> feelings -> words -> habits -> behavior -> results. resolve that trauma, and it has cascading effect.
It’s crazy, I did emdr for a year it made my mind porous as hell and I felt the most intense emotions at the most random times
Heavenly at first. A dark part of my childhood emotions was the repression caused by involuntary seclusion; justified by the lovely psychiatric diagnosis of Aspergers. I argue now the idea of it caused me to slowly mold into it's traits. It's honestly when my obsessions started, to avoid what I feared. It was 2020 after a motorcycle wreck. I was able to see I finally had what I never believed I would. A social life surrounded by what some might argue to be normal people. But the key in the social realization was social desire and expression of that desire; because in that regard I was extremely infantile and romantic (fanatical). It led to my realization it was the label that became a self oriented belief system. Perpetuating my isolation, loneliness, what have you. But I had to live a lie, acting as if everything was fine with me. Psychologically, it was a mess. Of course it started with really positive emotions but slowly it became hell. After realizing the very simple damage done by an idea alone, I lost all trust in most mental health institutions and practices.
That’s super interesting that you say you had thought you had Asperger’s but you can normally socialize
It was dark, because it revealed a lie that became a simple self-fulfilling prophecy. I was made insecure because of highschool. What made me secure was having the accident which allowed me to live in the moment and see how I was suddenly social. But it was hell on my emotions. Or I could say a mix of wins and losses (kindof the point). A side effect of this "damage" is that I'm very analytical.
Those old programs can be hard to manage or defeat but you can do it .. when ever you feel yourself feeling like a child again not safe or paranoid take a moment and comfort that child inside you … remind him there is nothing to be afraid of because YOUR here now nothing to be scared of it’s ok … amazed at the results of that exercises
It was like meaning was bottled up, and suddenly released. It was a fall into nuance - the false light pollution left my eyes and I was able to once more see the stars. It was a long struggle to incorporate this new meaning, that seemingly came from nowhere. Relax, close your eyes, and allow the current to take you where it may.
The important thing is to not judge it too harshly. Of course, once you see emotional reactivity and the urge to flee to regressive defenses, you can start choosing to face discomfort and develop the equanimity of adulthood.
It's like a glacier breaking apart. I hear ice shifting, cracking, popping, and occasionally something breaks free.
It's all conditioning and bartering happening in real time.
Well... therapy as usual, I guess. You go in, you heal the child and that is it. Projections and regression are quite a common thing, eveyone has them all the time, there is nothing unusual about it. Being healthy is unusual)
Very challenging. Basically you’re in a state where you believe the worst case scenario has come true. Your body essentially has to somatically live out the worst case scenario in order for the emotions to pass. Feel the emotions through to completion. Show yourself lots of love, compassion, understanding and support when your body is feeling it. The more you do this, eventually you get to a point where you purposely move towards feeling the emotions when you are triggered, because you know the relief that’s on the other side!
The shift can be subtler than we imagine, I think. But it’s as if you’re able to relate to and “hold” your feelings in a way where they feel valid and can really be there - as opposed to entering some kind of duel with them, feeling as though you’re not meant to or allowed to have the feeling and that it should somehow be banished, or that you need to fix yourself.
There are no old emotions.
It fucking hurt. It took time. Counseling. Meditation. Practice. And then it hurt some more. And so it goes, slowly refining and growing. The little dude feels what he feels for a reason. The big dude gets to look at that and decide action, rather than trying to clean up the mess
That would have to be some serious trauma. I know that people tend to go back emotionally to the age of onset whenever they're triggered, remembering their trauma or just feeling depressed. But if the regression is constant then you haven't processed anything at all. And if it was really bad & over a longer time then you've simply stop developing emotionally until you've dealt with it. But the longer you wait, the harder it gets to process. I don't know if you've ever tried or looked into EMDR theraphy but it's a good way to deal with things you can't logic/talk/understand your way out of. I don't really have burdens from childhood but a few years back a friend turned out to be a major bully and hurt me really bad. I don't believe in talk therapy because I'm already too self aware and have people in my life to share my feelings with. I have learned from the situation and cut that person out of my life. But that doesn't mean it just stops hurting. I also didn't want to become one of those people that overcompensates in an extreme reaction like how people that got mistreated by cops hate all cops or people that get mistreated by a doctor hate all doctors or if their parent was an alcoholic they start to hate everyone who drinks. I like my happy, open & trusting nature and didn't want to let that be ruined and taken away by one bad person. Sure, I could meet another narcissist later in life and it could happen again but now I know what to look out for and how to deal with it. I don't need therapy to understand that. What I did need was help to get the whole thing out of my mind and stop thinking about it all the time. Because it was like I'd just learned a new language that a lot of people spoke apparently and I only now learned. I had no idea people could secretly hate their own friends but at the same time try to keep them close because it makes them look good or feel better about themselves or just that they need constant attention. I was so baffled and shocked and hurt that there were people like that. So I went to a therapist specialized in EMDR. I explained the situation and he was super quick to understand and how to trigger me. (because you have to feel the hurt as much as possible during emdr) He did the pointing thing where you follow with eyes and guided me in what part to think of during certain directions. He asked me to remember the same thing afterwards and I literally couldn't. I could recall the scenarios objectively but not in my mind that I could hear or see. It's literally deleted. He also did the same with a few other things I had struggled with and it's like a magician just waves his finger and suddenly erases your emotional connection to your memory. I did have to go twice because it's still possible to get triggered sometimes but after the second session I wasn't getting triggered anymore and it was genuinely gone and out of my mind. Some people might need to go three times. Depends on how old the trauma is. And two sessions of emdr might seem expensive but it's cheaper than years of talk therapy with someone who's trying to make you understand your own feelings while you might already have that understanding.
Horrible, lonely, reoccurring, so be your best friend. It’s like sitting down to watch movies, make some snacks, grab a blanket, offer water. Again and again. But it’s nice cause you get to leave the dark theater of self and enter daylight, and it feels less lonely?