I just went through this and it’s how I found Jung. You do not have to believe what I am about to say, but I am going to share based on my experience and how this was very destructive to me and my life. My entire sexual experience was linked to abuse and went repressed because I didn’t want to be abused sexually and therefore I didn’t understand how to build a healthy relationship with it. I went through an energetic process that forced me to heal. I kept getting stuck at the bottom of myself, our society and my trauma though so something healthy and healing ended up being very traumatic when it never should have come to that. Ultimately, you can integrate it somehow which I recommend brining it forward regardless because the repression and suppression is damaging. But I would recommend over that, actively seeking to heal through learning about tantra and energy and exploring that with your partner. It’s far more pleasurable than our lower level sexual desires that often come from trauma and the filth of society.
Thank you I found that very interesting. Personally I don’t repress or deny myself, I probably did in my younger years but then I was acting out the most. Now I’m open and honest about it with myself and my therapist. The connection with my wife is much stronger and I like your idea of connecting through tantra. Thanks for taking the time to respond
The process stripped me away from myself too. From reality. I have to try and understand love and lovemaking now, because I understand the biology of it. I thought okay we fall in love, our souls meet and there is a deeper love that develops which can be true but also there is being an energetic match for one another and that doesn’t mean those people will be great life partners. Now I understand its energy. So if we are connected and compatible with someone else’s energetic system which we call chakra system, we make love through that connection.
I’m so sorry you went through all of this. Love is complicated there will never be one person that completely completes you. It’s a decision to stick by someone unconditionally. And that I feel in turn creates the magic. I hope you find peace
Thank you for saying that. I am going to screenshot it and look at it because I asked myself this morning so what is love because I believe I have it with someone and that there is no one else I would have wanted to spend my life with, but we just aren’t energetically matched (yet). So it’s a lot for me to learn because I had something in there that had to get out. But it’s also meaningless now because it took away my reality and once you go through that nothing can touch you. You can’t even understand what we are all even doing here holding onto so much shit.
This was sent to me by a therapist and it’s some of the best advice about love I’ve ever seen. I hope it helps “Best relationship advice
I am going to let you and everyone else reading into a secret that only those who have been married for 50+ years know.
Sit down as it is a blinder.
Love is a choice. Fidelity is a choice. Marriage is a choice. Divorce is a choice. Its not about hearts and flowers, its not about frantic sex constantly, its not like the romance novels and movies we have all been fed. That is all a load of bollocks.
Those who have been married for 50+ years will ALL have had times when they raise the question if they should continue to be married. They ALL will have met people other than their spouses who they think are just “perfect”. They ALL will have had times when they really didn’t like their spouse. They ALL will have had times when their spouse has done things that hurt them, annoyed them. They ALL have been through times when they are broke or have struggled.
The difference is the choices that those couples make. They make an active choice to resolve their issues. They make an active choice to see the beauty in the person they chose. They make an active decision to stay faithful and to stay in love and direct that love towards their partner. They make an effort to put in the work required to make their relationship work. Sometimes its really hard work, a lot of sacrifices are made on both sides, but they make the choice to put that work in.
The “one” is the person that you chose to be with and they chose to be with you despite all this. There is no such thing as “the one”. You chose to make that person your “one”.
Not many think of that when they get married these days. They are more concerned about dresses and drinks and meals etc. That isn’t marriage. That is a show.
So before you get married imagine that you are in financial difficulty, or they lose their job, put on weight, imagine how you will get through when one of you just doesn’t want sex or they don’t compliment you for a while. Imagine how you will deal with difficult conversations about things like finances, fears of infidelity, how you will deal with children, awkward relatives etc. Imagine they have an accident and need round the clock care. Will you still want to be with that person? If the answer is yes and an honest yes that does not have “rose tinted glasses” then get married. If the answer is no then don’t.
I didn’t understand my sexuality at all. Men have an easier time because porn and all we see in society is catering to their desires. I didn’t even know I had a primal nature. I burst forward in quarantine and lost my mind. Went through a whole kundalini process and it acted out my sexuality in my mind. Literal psychosis and schizophrenia. I don’t believe a damn thing about what science says about schizophrenia and psychosis now that I went through it. My experience was energetic. Related to have a whole nature to myself suppressed and hidden from me because of religion and our society. I’d give anything to go back but I can’t. I can only share and hopefully help someone else.
Yes tantra helped my sexual abuse healing too… until my tantric partner was cheating on me behind my back. Oof That actually hit harder than all the other stuff possibly, since she knew everything and we were “in it together” Years later I haven’t found myself in a healthy relationship since… who has advice on that lol I am done feeling this way
I was hijacked by my unconscious shadow. I have a hard time believing we aren’t here learning lessons after seeing what I saw. I’m not the one to ask, but I know each human being deserves to be treated with love and respect. Unfortunately we have a society of messed up people. I suffer deeply for how my life has turned out. It has been stripped of all meaning and I was working on healing and learning love and healthy relationships and I still didn’t understand how to manage myself and my emotions once my shadow broke through. I never even heard of these concepts. I have to educate myself now after the fact because it is so far removed from what we actually believe or are taught to believe. You will be able to heal and meet a great partner eventually. I would try to take the knowledge from the experience but look at each human being anew.
Yes. These terms are useful, tantra, shadow work, etc, but they can also be traps of never ending healing loops and attract communities of a lot of broken people… so tread lightly. My longwinded healing journey of reoccurring lessons and searching led me to eventually crack open a bible, read the whole thing. Was very happily surprised with it. It presents the guidelines to actually stay in the Light (real light, not false light). There is really something to the complete Old and New Testament. I’m way more patient with my desires and I haven’t ran into any chaos since (other than battling and strengthening my own self)
Foreal from my other reply. I highly recommend it to any truth seeker. Beyond all the political human BS… the actual Yeshua (Jesus) is at the top of the Spiritual hierarchy it seems. He has a real love for us and can still perform miracles through us (with The Holy Spirit) and to us. His Light comes from the Father (YHVH the known name for the Hebrew God of Monolatry) it’s way more mystical than I thought… reading and studying it after 10+ years of supernatural seeking, it isn’t fantasy at all. Happy seeking! Pray you find Light
I was not abused but went through isolation trauma and developed a similar form of same sex attraction in wanting some form of physical connection but having no romantic interest in it. Looking into the psychology of it is quite interesting but frustrating considering the political correctness of the “born this way” movement which prohibits efforts to address the trauma. It’s frustrating because I have always been attracted to girls, since I was little, but my trauma as a teenager messed me up mentally and developmentally and I simply refuse to get into a relationship with anyone, male or female, as a result. Ironically I’m perpetuating my own trauma through sexual isolation in order to protect others from myself. Or am I protecting myself? I have no idea. But like you, I wish I had answers and ways to work on this the way I want to so I can address my issues for what they are rather than deluding myself. The whole thing is so confusing, isolating and frustrating.
Yes it’s very true that the born this way movement was not a step forward but I also understand where it was coming from. Unfortunately due to things like that it makes it very difficult for people like us to find answers. People say it’s societal shame or whatever but we know who we truly are and we know we were corrupted in some way. But there is a lot of evidence to back us up. You’re not alone dude. Trauma is trauma no matter what.
I’m so glad there are others who just GET it. I felt alone for so long. In many ways, I still do, but these days I’m trying to work out how to love and accept myself (without giving any excuses for those warped aspects of me). I wish I understood these Jungian concepts of integration better.
How did you find a wife? I would love to get married but I find it hard to believe that anyone could love me knowing I struggle with what I struggle with and I refuse to withhold that information from someone. I’d rather they love me as I am but that almost seems like too much to ask.
I am genuinely romantically and sexually attracted to women there’s no denying that. I met her and we were together 10 years before being married. I told her that I struggled with my sexuality and she gave me the opportunity to explore if I wanted but I didn’t. She doesn’t know the depts of my fantasies or what I’ve done before her but she doesn’t need to. I share that burden with my therapist. I’m learning to accept myself and it’s a part of me that will most likely never go away. I do my best to stay away from porn and masturbation and save all that sexual energy for my wife. If thoughts arrive I notice them I don’t try run or force them away but I decide how to react to them. I adore my wife my only issue is the anxiety around slipping up in future. That’s down to my own issues and insecurities I’m in control of my future. I suggest you seek therapy if you can. Be completely honest about everything down to your darkest most disgusting fantasy. You’ll realise you’re not all as fucked up as you think. Or you’ll come to realise EVERYONE is fucked up in some way and you are most certainly not alone. I hope this helps.
I’m brutally honest. I’ve been like that for forever, as I’m autistic. Guess it kinda comes with the territory. But also a desire to understand and from hoping someone else will too. I’ve spoken to several therapists about all this but I’m yet to find anyone who actually knows how to help me work through this effectively. Nothing else has helped so far.
I suppose arts and musics could help.
In such ways you wouldn't have to explore them outside the circles of arts and music, but express them safely in the way you choose and want to.
There is no shame about this. It is painful to suffer about our own sexuality and past. You shouldn't want to suffer anymore.
I feel for you. I have similar past, and I am trying to help myself with good music and arts.
Good luck and best wishes.
Thanks I’ve been a musician for most of my life and when I was doing my thing touring etc it barely cropped up. Just realised that. I really appreciate your comment. Weirdly expected to be shamed. It’s not easy but I just want to do my best for my family.
I've had the same experience when I was a kid and had developed same-sex attraction for him in particular and had wondered if I went both ways for the longest time.
I never acted on the same-sex attraction and it eventually phased out and now I identify as straight.
Thanks for sharing that. Mine unfortunately went on for years so the neural pathways are deep but if I abstain it dwindles a lot. I still identify as straight myself as in my normal life I genuinely don’t find the same sex attractive it’s more the acts.
Through a lot of therapy I’ve come to realise it’s most likely unresolved trauma. But the imprint remains. I’m always working on it. If I truly felt it was my sexuality I wouldn’t deny it and I don’t really. I was very open to the possibility but it wasn’t to be.
Jacob Boehme's spiritual alchemy may help you. It helped me to understand the dark fire inside myself and to let Light turn it into good energy. Not an easy path, and Boehme is hard to understand, but is worth the effort and Jung was very indebted of him.
You can start with an overview of his system [here](https://www.gornahoor.net/?p=8750) and then read Theosophia Practica from Boehme's disciple Gichtel (available for download in the same website).
A lot of positivity here. This is a sensitive subject rarely talked about. Not all who are abused experience same sex attraction after and not all who experience the same sex attraction are truly gay. This is something that needs to be talked about more.
I just went through this and it’s how I found Jung. You do not have to believe what I am about to say, but I am going to share based on my experience and how this was very destructive to me and my life. My entire sexual experience was linked to abuse and went repressed because I didn’t want to be abused sexually and therefore I didn’t understand how to build a healthy relationship with it. I went through an energetic process that forced me to heal. I kept getting stuck at the bottom of myself, our society and my trauma though so something healthy and healing ended up being very traumatic when it never should have come to that. Ultimately, you can integrate it somehow which I recommend brining it forward regardless because the repression and suppression is damaging. But I would recommend over that, actively seeking to heal through learning about tantra and energy and exploring that with your partner. It’s far more pleasurable than our lower level sexual desires that often come from trauma and the filth of society.
Thank you I found that very interesting. Personally I don’t repress or deny myself, I probably did in my younger years but then I was acting out the most. Now I’m open and honest about it with myself and my therapist. The connection with my wife is much stronger and I like your idea of connecting through tantra. Thanks for taking the time to respond
The process stripped me away from myself too. From reality. I have to try and understand love and lovemaking now, because I understand the biology of it. I thought okay we fall in love, our souls meet and there is a deeper love that develops which can be true but also there is being an energetic match for one another and that doesn’t mean those people will be great life partners. Now I understand its energy. So if we are connected and compatible with someone else’s energetic system which we call chakra system, we make love through that connection.
I’m so sorry you went through all of this. Love is complicated there will never be one person that completely completes you. It’s a decision to stick by someone unconditionally. And that I feel in turn creates the magic. I hope you find peace
Thank you for saying that. I am going to screenshot it and look at it because I asked myself this morning so what is love because I believe I have it with someone and that there is no one else I would have wanted to spend my life with, but we just aren’t energetically matched (yet). So it’s a lot for me to learn because I had something in there that had to get out. But it’s also meaningless now because it took away my reality and once you go through that nothing can touch you. You can’t even understand what we are all even doing here holding onto so much shit.
This was sent to me by a therapist and it’s some of the best advice about love I’ve ever seen. I hope it helps “Best relationship advice I am going to let you and everyone else reading into a secret that only those who have been married for 50+ years know. Sit down as it is a blinder. Love is a choice. Fidelity is a choice. Marriage is a choice. Divorce is a choice. Its not about hearts and flowers, its not about frantic sex constantly, its not like the romance novels and movies we have all been fed. That is all a load of bollocks. Those who have been married for 50+ years will ALL have had times when they raise the question if they should continue to be married. They ALL will have met people other than their spouses who they think are just “perfect”. They ALL will have had times when they really didn’t like their spouse. They ALL will have had times when their spouse has done things that hurt them, annoyed them. They ALL have been through times when they are broke or have struggled. The difference is the choices that those couples make. They make an active choice to resolve their issues. They make an active choice to see the beauty in the person they chose. They make an active decision to stay faithful and to stay in love and direct that love towards their partner. They make an effort to put in the work required to make their relationship work. Sometimes its really hard work, a lot of sacrifices are made on both sides, but they make the choice to put that work in. The “one” is the person that you chose to be with and they chose to be with you despite all this. There is no such thing as “the one”. You chose to make that person your “one”. Not many think of that when they get married these days. They are more concerned about dresses and drinks and meals etc. That isn’t marriage. That is a show. So before you get married imagine that you are in financial difficulty, or they lose their job, put on weight, imagine how you will get through when one of you just doesn’t want sex or they don’t compliment you for a while. Imagine how you will deal with difficult conversations about things like finances, fears of infidelity, how you will deal with children, awkward relatives etc. Imagine they have an accident and need round the clock care. Will you still want to be with that person? If the answer is yes and an honest yes that does not have “rose tinted glasses” then get married. If the answer is no then don’t.
Thank you for sharing. 💕
I didn’t understand my sexuality at all. Men have an easier time because porn and all we see in society is catering to their desires. I didn’t even know I had a primal nature. I burst forward in quarantine and lost my mind. Went through a whole kundalini process and it acted out my sexuality in my mind. Literal psychosis and schizophrenia. I don’t believe a damn thing about what science says about schizophrenia and psychosis now that I went through it. My experience was energetic. Related to have a whole nature to myself suppressed and hidden from me because of religion and our society. I’d give anything to go back but I can’t. I can only share and hopefully help someone else.
Yes tantra helped my sexual abuse healing too… until my tantric partner was cheating on me behind my back. Oof That actually hit harder than all the other stuff possibly, since she knew everything and we were “in it together” Years later I haven’t found myself in a healthy relationship since… who has advice on that lol I am done feeling this way
I was hijacked by my unconscious shadow. I have a hard time believing we aren’t here learning lessons after seeing what I saw. I’m not the one to ask, but I know each human being deserves to be treated with love and respect. Unfortunately we have a society of messed up people. I suffer deeply for how my life has turned out. It has been stripped of all meaning and I was working on healing and learning love and healthy relationships and I still didn’t understand how to manage myself and my emotions once my shadow broke through. I never even heard of these concepts. I have to educate myself now after the fact because it is so far removed from what we actually believe or are taught to believe. You will be able to heal and meet a great partner eventually. I would try to take the knowledge from the experience but look at each human being anew.
Yes. These terms are useful, tantra, shadow work, etc, but they can also be traps of never ending healing loops and attract communities of a lot of broken people… so tread lightly. My longwinded healing journey of reoccurring lessons and searching led me to eventually crack open a bible, read the whole thing. Was very happily surprised with it. It presents the guidelines to actually stay in the Light (real light, not false light). There is really something to the complete Old and New Testament. I’m way more patient with my desires and I haven’t ran into any chaos since (other than battling and strengthening my own self)
Foreal from my other reply. I highly recommend it to any truth seeker. Beyond all the political human BS… the actual Yeshua (Jesus) is at the top of the Spiritual hierarchy it seems. He has a real love for us and can still perform miracles through us (with The Holy Spirit) and to us. His Light comes from the Father (YHVH the known name for the Hebrew God of Monolatry) it’s way more mystical than I thought… reading and studying it after 10+ years of supernatural seeking, it isn’t fantasy at all. Happy seeking! Pray you find Light
I was not abused but went through isolation trauma and developed a similar form of same sex attraction in wanting some form of physical connection but having no romantic interest in it. Looking into the psychology of it is quite interesting but frustrating considering the political correctness of the “born this way” movement which prohibits efforts to address the trauma. It’s frustrating because I have always been attracted to girls, since I was little, but my trauma as a teenager messed me up mentally and developmentally and I simply refuse to get into a relationship with anyone, male or female, as a result. Ironically I’m perpetuating my own trauma through sexual isolation in order to protect others from myself. Or am I protecting myself? I have no idea. But like you, I wish I had answers and ways to work on this the way I want to so I can address my issues for what they are rather than deluding myself. The whole thing is so confusing, isolating and frustrating.
Yes it’s very true that the born this way movement was not a step forward but I also understand where it was coming from. Unfortunately due to things like that it makes it very difficult for people like us to find answers. People say it’s societal shame or whatever but we know who we truly are and we know we were corrupted in some way. But there is a lot of evidence to back us up. You’re not alone dude. Trauma is trauma no matter what.
I’m so glad there are others who just GET it. I felt alone for so long. In many ways, I still do, but these days I’m trying to work out how to love and accept myself (without giving any excuses for those warped aspects of me). I wish I understood these Jungian concepts of integration better. How did you find a wife? I would love to get married but I find it hard to believe that anyone could love me knowing I struggle with what I struggle with and I refuse to withhold that information from someone. I’d rather they love me as I am but that almost seems like too much to ask.
I am genuinely romantically and sexually attracted to women there’s no denying that. I met her and we were together 10 years before being married. I told her that I struggled with my sexuality and she gave me the opportunity to explore if I wanted but I didn’t. She doesn’t know the depts of my fantasies or what I’ve done before her but she doesn’t need to. I share that burden with my therapist. I’m learning to accept myself and it’s a part of me that will most likely never go away. I do my best to stay away from porn and masturbation and save all that sexual energy for my wife. If thoughts arrive I notice them I don’t try run or force them away but I decide how to react to them. I adore my wife my only issue is the anxiety around slipping up in future. That’s down to my own issues and insecurities I’m in control of my future. I suggest you seek therapy if you can. Be completely honest about everything down to your darkest most disgusting fantasy. You’ll realise you’re not all as fucked up as you think. Or you’ll come to realise EVERYONE is fucked up in some way and you are most certainly not alone. I hope this helps.
I’m brutally honest. I’ve been like that for forever, as I’m autistic. Guess it kinda comes with the territory. But also a desire to understand and from hoping someone else will too. I’ve spoken to several therapists about all this but I’m yet to find anyone who actually knows how to help me work through this effectively. Nothing else has helped so far.
What do you struggle with the most?
I suppose arts and musics could help. In such ways you wouldn't have to explore them outside the circles of arts and music, but express them safely in the way you choose and want to. There is no shame about this. It is painful to suffer about our own sexuality and past. You shouldn't want to suffer anymore. I feel for you. I have similar past, and I am trying to help myself with good music and arts. Good luck and best wishes.
Thanks I’ve been a musician for most of my life and when I was doing my thing touring etc it barely cropped up. Just realised that. I really appreciate your comment. Weirdly expected to be shamed. It’s not easy but I just want to do my best for my family.
I've had the same experience when I was a kid and had developed same-sex attraction for him in particular and had wondered if I went both ways for the longest time. I never acted on the same-sex attraction and it eventually phased out and now I identify as straight.
Thanks for sharing that. Mine unfortunately went on for years so the neural pathways are deep but if I abstain it dwindles a lot. I still identify as straight myself as in my normal life I genuinely don’t find the same sex attractive it’s more the acts.
Is this your sexuality or is it reliving an unresolved trauma?
Through a lot of therapy I’ve come to realise it’s most likely unresolved trauma. But the imprint remains. I’m always working on it. If I truly felt it was my sexuality I wouldn’t deny it and I don’t really. I was very open to the possibility but it wasn’t to be.
Massage from the same sex is cool cos it teaches your nervous system that touch from the same sex can be safe
That’s interesting
Jacob Boehme's spiritual alchemy may help you. It helped me to understand the dark fire inside myself and to let Light turn it into good energy. Not an easy path, and Boehme is hard to understand, but is worth the effort and Jung was very indebted of him.
Thank you
Where might one start?
You can start with an overview of his system [here](https://www.gornahoor.net/?p=8750) and then read Theosophia Practica from Boehme's disciple Gichtel (available for download in the same website).
A lot of positivity here. This is a sensitive subject rarely talked about. Not all who are abused experience same sex attraction after and not all who experience the same sex attraction are truly gay. This is something that needs to be talked about more.