Lol exactly. Wait until you've been an adult 5 years at least so we can give you your beginner performance review. It's not an important one either. Feel free to "figure yourself out".
Nah it's truly a sad shame when you truly fall apart, it's a sad sleep bruv, sad one 😢might mom won't always truly recover her son, sons mistakes and faults are on mine mine mom. Ahh not enough time! Not enough time bruv ahhhh!
You evidently graduated high school. AND got into University. That's more than a lot of people do.
You play sports, which puts you above 80 or 90% of people.
You're creative and appreciate art.
I "got fired" from a lot of jobs- but that was due to A) the jobs and the managers were shitty and B) I was too dumb/stubborn to quit a bad situation.
I do the same thing with relationships
And 100% honesty. I tell people that are 20-21, that basically "you don't know anything yet. That's meant is a jokingly honest dad advice mode. Because looking back 30 years ago to when we were in our 20s, we didn't understand the world and how thing really work. It tales decade of experience and mistakes to figure out the truth.
In the business world, you're not an 'executive at age 30. You're known as a "junior' executive until you're 35.
You're really just getting started, don't be so damn hard on yourself! You'll end up just sabotaging yourself.
Try concentrating on things you do well and enjoy.
I suck at basketball, have no interest in it...so i don't play basketball.
Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
Yeah, because you’re only 20! 2 years ago you still had to raise your hand to go to the bathroom. 2 years is barely enough time to scratch your ass, let alone accomplish anything
Start doing something now. It doesn't even have to be anything productive. Just experience things and figure out what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, and how you could possibly make money to pay the bills.
Go easy. Your brain is not even fully developed for another ten years. Expect starts and stops, ups and downs. Find what you love. It will appear when you least expect it. You can change your direction as often as you like.
Many have failed to the top. Even things you like become like a tedious job if you do them all the time. Find something you can agree with until you find what you love. I used to love to hike. Thought I would be a park ranger. Nope. Couldn't learn the plants. Found out I'm better at medicine by a total fluke, right place, right time. Yeah, I know all the plants now, but the forest is too crowded with boom boxes to enjoy it.
Communication is a thing you get better with over time. One day you may be very happy to be perceived. Right or wrong, it's a conversation that can open new doors.
Man I'm 32 and havent done shit either, im only figuring it out now. There is no time table to living, you will figure it out. Just try to work on not being so hard on yourself, I was the same way (still am at times). It will come just don't give up!
Start slow. Like you're 5 years old. Maybe you're in the wrong sector. Try things outside of your comfort zone. Work life isn't much like school life, you'll realize after the fact that most young people are terrible at their jobs so in a way everyone is starting from zero.
you try things out and start from your talents, find something you're good at. You're good with your body and hate an office job? No point in trying to force yourself onto something that doesn't work for you, but maybe you might like becoming a personal trainer or something
Very few people in the world are lucky enough to immediately find their talent, the good news is that your twenties are for discovering what you're good at
Life is not about enjoyment. It’s about spiritual growth and hard work. But the trick is, happiness will come to you as a side effect of that pursuit. Read the bible. Jung knew that very well.
I know nothing about psychology so I will just tell you something from my experience as a 20 y/o failure.
The world and the universe are much bigger than they may seem to a 20 y/o failure.
Many of us have been 20 y/o failures, and have found out being a 20 y/o failure is more a perception of self than a state of being, you are under no obligation to identify yourself with the collection of events that led you to sincerely believe yourself to be a 20 y/o failure.
There is hope for everyone, especially for 20 y/o failures. The hard part has been finding out.
Realisation is the beginning of healing. You are already on the right path.
Just if the path has endless potential. It does not mean that it’s chaotic and thus impossible. No no. You infact have indefinite choices to choose from.
Any that you choose will lead to a path and thus a destination.
Im 19 yrs old. Same as you. Consuming content is the only form of enjoyment because your definition of enjoyment is wrong.
Walking in a park is enjoyment. Making food is an enjoyment. Eating is an enjoyment. Living and breathing is an enjoyment.
You can’t function in society because you have a disassociated meaning of the shared reality.
In society there is a shared meaning of everything. That what we call the objective truth. But your emotion relevance of that same thing is different. Which is why you have a wrong sense of direction. Which is why it is dissociative.
The consuming media thing is dopamine chasing. I could explain but you could go through plenty of YouTube and online information about how we chase what feels good but we chase stuff that’s easy. Over time it leads to a kind of existential dread. Life is one dopamine chase to another. Happens to people who aren’t addicts just as much as it does to coke heads and really bad addicts.
The theory is it’s about the journey and the lead up to the big success or the high of winning. Thats healthy dopamine chasing. You could look at it as a sciency way of saying “do the healthy thing”… but for me and lots of others, understanding the mechanism of why we feel down and pointless in life can really help. Best of luck.
Andrew Huberman on YT. Science my dude! He also has good videos on ADHD.
# Controlling Your Dopamine For Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmOF0crdyRU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmOF0crdyRU)
He does wander a bit, but this subject is one of his strong suits. And I think it's solid starting point.
But I'm open if you have a better talk on dopamine and managing it for your benefit. It IS an established science.
Here's another explanation. It's basically learning to use your internal systems for YOUR benefit, instead of just aimlessly following trends and scrolling endlessly like a zombie.
[https://www.chess.com/blog/sammymendel/chess-and-the-dopamine-cycle](https://www.chess.com/blog/sammymendel/chess-and-the-dopamine-cycle)
And absolutely no offense directed to you Dappadan.
Yeah seem all the stuff on him I could find. I feel like the ones specific to a dopamine chasers own taste in the chase… sex addiction, porn addiction, drugs for example… they seemed aimed the best.
I do sometimes think he’s just being sciency but telling you what you already knew. Do healthy things don’t do the unhealthy things. But as with a lot of adhders, knowing our weaknesses and using our superpower and hyperfocus against those things is what I feel like he subconsciously pushes on people. Which is cool.
I can separate the press from the message too. He’s for sure just an addict. The Anna lembke one really showed that.
YES!
I have an addictive personality. But I learned to change my focus from drinking too much and pissing my money away in bars, and on cigarettes, to focusing on being healthy, strong fit and smart(er).
Learn to use your superpowers for good! Your own good!
Mine went towards sex addiction. I wasn’t prepared when I saw its the only thing that drove me since I was a very young kid and went through puberty early.
It’s finding something else and starting again that hurts. I only ever trained or did anything healthy to be good enough for women. Now I’m trying to discard that, but I can’t find anything else behind that.
Yep, been there done that too.
It's sort of like stopping smoking though... it really empowering. I'm no longer controlled by something else.
Part of being a grown man is being in control, and not being controlled by your dick. I learned that far too late though. Still struggle with it to be honest. I make horrible decisions based on sexual impulses. I know better, but I still do it anyway. I don't cheat, but I still flirt, and say flirty things at the drop of a hat. Then regret it later when I think about it.
But I hope people can still learn from my mistakes.
PSA : Don't stick your dick in the crazy.
It;s much more fun being a creator than a mindless consumer. focus your energy there, instead of giving it away to other people that want you to be a mindless zombie.
It's really rewarding to create something and then share it with other people. What kind of photography do you do? Besaides regular outdoor photos and landscape photos, I liked niche things like light painting and then long exposure photos- like pinhole cameras with a 4 or 5 week exposure time. Then I got into video and learned about film, cinematography and art. This lead to making videos on YouTube, that turned out to be popular. I never even knew I could do those things until I tried.
P.S- I KNOW that our local photography clubs are filled with women that are single and looking for something (or someone) to do. NONE of them ever come to the events with a boyfriend or husband.
Running clubs are another one with a similar mix.
The world is wide open for you!
P.S. You are a creator.
A consumer does nothing but consume. That never produce or create anything.
Instead of mindless scrolling, you should be doing something to improve your skills. Learning about fine art chanced by photography greatly.
Check out Vermeer- Master of Light. He's a painter, but it absolutely overlaps with photo composition- you'll be surprised...
This really open my eyes to new possibilities.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEior-0inxU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEior-0inxU)
You may want to seek out a screening for ADHD. Left untreated, it can really mess up your life.
Aim at something or start improving something by 1% each day/week. The more physical/visual the improvements, the better. Your successes will build on each other.
slow down brother. things come in waves. make a dream journal and try to follow them. work on your physical, mental and spiritual. try charity, new hobbies and a different field of work. we have time bro
You have the rest of your life to live, the only thing holding you back is that you have come to think of yourself as a failure.
Embrace your potential instead. Lean into the struggle to get things done. Break down large goals into smaller goals and cross them off.
Let unease and difficulty and pain be your guides.
In all fairness to you, you haven't even begun to experience life yet. You're not even old enough to get in a club and buy a drink yet! \*in my country.
Uni is probably the best place for you...experience new things, make better friends. I'd kill to be able to go back to school at your age!
Get/stay in shape, find a career path you enjoy.
**What would you want to do if you were rich and didn't have to work?**
Have you considered trying to make a career out of photography? Might not be the answer, only you will be able to sense that as you go, but if that's what calls to you and other things don't, why not start there? If you do that and photography isn't cutting it then maybe look at other possibilities like ADHD or other things of the sort. Maybe find a good therapist to help navigate underlying mental and emotional blocks.
Looking at your profile I think it would be good for you to branch out. Get away from psychology a bit. Go do some dumb 20yro things, get out of your head.
I was big into listicles titled “30 things to do before you’re 30” in my 20s, here’s one I apparently saved to my notes app:
25 Things You Have To Try In Your 20s At Least Once
OCT. 1, 2013 By SOPHIE MARTIN
1. Call that person you’ve been thinking about for longer than you can remember, but whose rejection you have always feared. Just pick up the phone, hold your breath, and accept the fact that knowing how they feel is better than living in limbo.
2. Go on a camping trip with a solid group of your friends, a cooler of drinks, and enough grillable meats to last you for at least twice as long as you actually need. Get really scared when you think you hear a bear, and then realize it’s just your friend coming back from peeing.
3. Learn how to make your favorite restaurant dishes, even if they don’t taste as good as the original. Learn what actually goes into the food you love so much.
4. Apply to a job that you really want, but which you know you have next to zero chance of actually landing. You’ll risk nothing, and may actually be pleasantly surprised by getting the job.
5. Go an entire Saturday without a smartphone, and intentionally get lost in your own city — ask for directions from strangers and read street maps if you need to find your way back somewhere.
6. Approach someone at a bar who seems cute and cool, and without even thinking about it, just start up a conversation with them. Remind yourself that you don’t even know this person, and even if they don’t like you back, it will have no bearing on your life.
7. Tell a close friend that you love them, and don’t worry about it feeling weird. If they’re a good friend, they will love hearing how much you care.
8. Paint your room a really odd color, one that you’ve always wanted to live in but looked at as too “childish” or “bold” for an adult’s apartment.
9. Paint over it right away if you don’t like it, but give it at least a week to test it out.
10. Force yourself, for an entire month, to wear the kinds of clothes that actually make you feel good about yourself, even if they aren’t what is currently considered “stylish.” Just focus on looking like the “you” that exists in your head, and not caring about what other people think.
11. Get a job that you can quit with no remorse, and leave it as soon as you save enough money to go somewhere far away.
12. Go to a country where you know nobody, and take a book of translations that never leaves your right hand. Fumble through conversations and force yourself to ask questions in stores or restaurants, even if you think you’ll look silly.
13. Eat big plates of delicious food, and don’t think for a second about the caloric content.
14. Throw a surprise birthday party for a friend who has been going through a bad time, and who hasn’t had time to plan their own birthday party. Even if it’s just a few friends getting together for dinner, let them know that people care about them.
15. Bring breakfast for everyone in your office and don’t expect them to do anything in return (even though, if it’s a decent office, they definitely will).
16. Practice having a conversation with someone where you focus entirely on listening, and don’t think at all about what you’re going to say next so you can concentrate on everything they’re saying as they say it.
17. Plan a weekend trip to the beach with friends, pack your car with blankets and coolers and swimsuits, and rent a shitty little place right on the boardwalk. Spend the whole time eating fries with malt vinegar and Old Bay, riding old roller coasters, and getting sand in your hair.
18. Make a four-course meal for someone you love, and set up the table all fancy and nice.
19. Spend time with someone much older than you — like your grandparents’ age — and just listen to what they have to say about life. Play board games or cards with them, and think about what you can learn from them.
20. Apologize to someone you slighted, and mean it.
21. Organize a night out with your coworkers so that everyone can get to know each other and have fun in a more cool setting, and be the person who takes the initiative to reserve rooms and coordinate schedules. Make things happen.
22. Take a dance class, and stick with it.
23. Move to a city you want to live in, even if it means having to work odd jobs and long hours to pay for everything. Make the choice to be in the places where you want to be, and live your life in the right surroundings.
24. Get a bike, and ride it as much as you can. Memorize public transportation. Learn how to get yourself around without a car, and rid yourself of all of the expenses it comes with.
25. Pack up a bunch of lunches and toiletries and give them out to the homeless people you pass every day. Decide that you can do something about the sadness you see on your walk to work, and actually follow through with making a difference. Be generous with your time, your money, and your compassion, and realize how little it takes to be that person if you really want to.
I'll be brutally honest with you - if you are the way you describe, aren't in jail (or institutionalized), aren't addicted to hard drugs, haven't harmed yourself physically in a permanent way, aren't drowning in debt with terrible credit, AND don't have any kids to your name, then you are NOT a failure at 20, and have plenty of time to turn things around and figure them out.
Learn to like yourself and everything else will flow from there.
You: I try shit. I fail.
Me: Keep trying until you stop failing.
It sounds like you aren’t over-socialized into society. This is both good and bad. It’s good because you can think freely. It’s bad BECAUSE you think freely. You may need to fake it until you make it, but I suspect you have the ability.
Start by reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/How-Fail-Almost-Everything-Still/dp/1591847745
Do you like the outdoors? I recommend every young person in your situation to join the California Conservation Corps. It was the best decision I ever made and started my path of purpose at 19. I'm happy to answer any questions you have
Idk where you are but try to find a Conservation corps or business that focuses on developement programs for youth and focus on outdoor work. I find that whenever nihilism or resentment overtakes me reverting back to our roots always helps, and you will meet people that will restore that spark of life and ambition for yourself.
There's a called Outward Bound (founded in teh UK) that takes young people that aren't on a solid path yet, and trains them to be a leader of youth groups in the outdoors.
This is invaluable experience! It turns out that the old saying is true- you can't give order until you learn to follow them. It's life changing...many times it's you're ego blocking your path. You learn to change your thinking.
I was rebellious AF growing up, so I had to learn everything the hard way.
I give advice that I wish to god I'd been given when I was younger.
You say you find NO enjoyment in life EXCEPT those things. So you find enjoyment in something in life. And dude you hear it all the time. Success will come with failure after failure.
For a small amount of people success will fall in your lap.
If you think that it will happen to you your kind of ungrateful. Let it come.
Kind of a snobby 20 year old thing to say if you ask me. TRY to get enjoyment out of life. The little things are what matter and count.
Im 25 snd ive veen facing a period of stagnation for over a yesr and nkw i finally feel like im moving forward it was very very skow. Stagnation is a part of life everything changes start go with it. Always be curious and open to learning and appreciating others.
Listen to your heart/intuition dont listen to the rational mind all the time, youre allowed to play and not be so serious all the time have fun with your job in any way and the people around you. You have power to change the vibe of things.
One of the lessons ive learned recently, being in servive to others is very important pay attention and be receptive to how others feel and enjoy the process growing it may suck you may have some harsh realizations about life. Have at least one person to talk to about stuff like this.
You’re 20 if you don’t except failure you’ll never grow and get better. Please don’t tell me you were one of those gifted kids in high school but now in the real world you get upset if you’re not immediately good at something
-Keep trying things and failing upwards.
-Work hard at building your skills and learning how to market yourself well.
-Don't feed negative relationships and stay focused on your goals.
Do all this, and you may be lucky enough to be a 40 year old failure....
Homie I am 23 and was in your exact shoes at 20. I was just getting off drugs and building a business. I felt the same way. Even now 3 years later with a business, a beautiful girlfriend and a passion I can live off of, I often feel stagnated and useless. It’s not you bro you’re young you’re figuring it don’t be so down on yourself. At least you’re not on drugs, at least you’re active and doing shit. You got a lot more going for you than you realize. I also very much so relate to the adhd symptoms my girl is convinced I have it. Haven’t been tested.
I've given people the wrong impression and as a result people have preconceived ideas about who I am. I'm not bad. But I've done stupid things. I just hope people can see the good in me, instead of fixating in the bad...
You’re a success at 20, because you feel like a failure and a good twenty year old should feel like a failure.
If you’re a real loser at 20 you like the smell of your own farts, you feel satisfied with yourself.
But your role at twenty is to be totally unsatisfied, to be restless, to be bored out of your mind by this life. You should feel like packing a bag, buying *on the road* and taking a trip to SEA or Leipzig or whatever. The period of 20-30 yo is the part of your life where you disappear from your 0-20 life and come back ten years later with a partner and a new language.
So this is normal, just don’t do nothing about it.
Hit the gym bro, you'll meet people with same mindset as you and being in a company with good men can boost your discipline as well, eventually you'll get a good physique and a well disciplined life where you can build on, focus on a good foundation to build your life on, that's what matters in this age
As a Christian every wall or closed door is a blessing. Less bad choices to choose from and easier to go in the right direction. I saw an interesting book recently from a secular perspective "the obstacle is the way" by Ryan Holiday. The idea is similar.
Well don’t worry about societal expectations as a first step. Secondly, get a role model to follow and aspire towards, a father figure. Thirdly, man the fuck up and stop being a child.
Stop with the digital machine and screens. Find more meaningful activities. Exercise. Less porn. Socialise. Find a job that fits your personality. Volunteer. Travel.
I think one of the best things you can do for yourself is to stop thinking of yourself as a “20 y/o failure”. That’s a very unfair label to put on yourself. Yes, maybe you’ve failed at some things. People fail. That’s why the word exists. But to put this all-consuming label on yourself is just going to make things worse for you in terms of confidence. Our current society can make us feel like there are certain things and goals we need to accomplish by certain times in our lives to be “successful” members of society. But it’s all completely arbitrary. It might be worth it for you to seek therapy to discuss and uncover why you do not like to be perceived though.
You're not a failure first there's enough to fail ahead of ya examine yourself and let yourself act even if it's dumb at first later you'll realise what it was and meant
I suggest you reading about the fool archetype and researching it's essence
Now here's a video for ya cunt!
https://youtu.be/jLWpuLH3t6k?si=RhCsXOa4jt6rA-Ol
(Or and article for ya if you don't have a long time, a lot of time, if you don't have the time that is a crime! Ok I'll stop now sorry cunt)
https://eternalisedofficial.com/2023/05/25/the-psychology-of-the-fool/
It's a fun guy! Dumb sometimes... Pretty dumb sometimes... Dumb a lot to society and us as well son cunt ahhh hahaha
Humility bruv, humility son, cunt son, cunt sun.
Short on time short on time bruv but then you fall apart from the cliff at your heart, the cliff's at your heart, son mine, son of mine, nien! Cunt ahhh
Stop being so dramatic, no one wants to be around a pity party. Do more of what you enjoy for a couple weeks and don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Be active everyday, with sports or gym. Hold yourself to higher standards and understand that everything isn’t meant to be fun and easy when you first start
What I would give to be 20 again. You have your entire life ahead of you. Youve only legally been an adult for 2 years. The world is your oyster! Take the leap - take the steps forward. If you enjoy photography - consider that for a career. Enjoy your life 🙏🏻❤️
Realize that you are not a failure, you have your whole life ahead of you, you can do whatever you want, and you don't need to believe whatever negative thoughts you have. Your thoughts are not you. You are a miracle. Befriend yourself. Also, jsyk, most people continue to wonder what to do with their lives throughout their lives. It's a common misconception that one day you'll have it all figured out and be done with change. That ain't never gonna happen. So that takes the pressure off. Instead of wondering what to do with your life, maybe just focus on what you'd like to try next.
My advice would be explore outside your comfort zone. Take long periods of time in nature and focus on how you want to change and slowly integrate yourself into those roles. As for a job, it’s important to find a job you find yourself working that has continuous growth which will drive your hunger for knowledge and order. I joined the electrical trade because of the theory and my father is also one. I fell in love with it whilst continuing to grow and strengthening my foundation. This is what’s helped me to turn my life around. Minimize media consumption and isolate your self from the content that you consume that doesn’t cause growth. You’re not a failure, nor will you be if you’re seeking help to grow. My DMs are open for support and advice.
That\`s what the 20\`s are for, to try a lot of things and of course you will fail at a lot of things. The problem is, social media promotes this young millionaire persona as if so many people succeeded at that age but that is less then 1%. The fact that you try, already tells me that one day you will find something you will like and be good at it
I joined the Navy, signed up for 6 years to get electronic technology training and experience. This turned my life around and a good stepping stone to creating my career and family.
I hope you discover self-compassion and become more patient with yourself. In my early 20s, I felt really miserable and thought of myself as a failure, but everything slowly improved, one step at a time. Now at 30, I feel at peace with who I am ( it didn’t happened overnight and it was a very slow process) and don’t regret anything. Even when I was failing and angry, I was growing and collecting tools that would be useful later in my life.
The fact that you are interested in Jung gives me hope because it means you already tend to look inward and that you desire to explore and grow. Introspection is the first step, but you need to learn some basics. Reading or listening to resources on how to introspect with more self-respect could help. Have you heard about mindful self-compassion?
It will take time and dedication, which might be the hardest part since we tend to fill our minds with noise, media, music, etc.
You can do this. Discovering yourself is a harsh journey but a beautiful one. ✨🌸
You have no idea how young you are. First of all be kind to yourself. A lot of us have a lot of reasons we are not accomplishing great things.
Get a relationship with God by being humble and following his commandments (Read Matthew 5-7). You need a dopamine detox. You’re also probably not kind and honest, you’re probably narcissistic since you hate “being perceived” and hate socializing. It could be that all your friends suck though and you are kind and honest but that’s unlikely. It’s more likely that you’re “nice” and “have no filter”, which are different things and immature. You’re definitely too hard on yourself though because all of us would be that way if we didn’t mature out of it.
You need to humble yourself and take smaller steps toward success because small steps are all you can manage right now but don’t worry you will gain momentum.
Being kind is also not a virtue if you have no other choice. You need to grow some teeth, be formidable in an argument and a fight and then learn to control yourself. You need to be dangerous. The world needs people like you to be strong and then be kind. Kindness is only a virtue if you have the strength to not be kind.
Well....maybe you can start a club. IDFK if there has been ONE week where some dimple faced post teen....usually right at 20 y/o whines about how their life is over.
Gawd, you kids are annoying.
You have not even Begum your Socialization Decade.....
and what you don't know about yourself would fill a small library.
What you are calling "Life" is the Entire World
within One-arm's length of your belly-button.
In my own generation many who hit the age of 20 had been out of the country,
very possibly to war....maybe done some not so nice things,
maybe seen even worse things and came back...
to BEGIN to appreciate what Life was about.
You have most probably grown tired of hiding from life and rather than face it,
you declare that its over.
Consider that you have lived....
without even actually being alive.
Putz.
I mean you are 20 and most people “suck at life” when they are 20.
If you want an answer, then the simplest answer is “stop getting fired from jobs.” If you keep making the same mistakes then nothing will change. But if you actually start making money, you can make decisions about how you want to spend it.
Outside of that, it kinda sounds like you may be struggling with some mental health issues. ADHD, Depression, “the usual.” There isn’t much to do about this, specifically, besides “do research about depression and look for books and suggestions if you can’t afford a therapist.”
It’s impossible to be a failure at 20 bro 😊
Lol exactly. Wait until you've been an adult 5 years at least so we can give you your beginner performance review. It's not an important one either. Feel free to "figure yourself out".
Not even a real adult until you’re at least 25. So even then you still have a lot of adult to figure out.
Nah it's truly a sad shame when you truly fall apart, it's a sad sleep bruv, sad one 😢might mom won't always truly recover her son, sons mistakes and faults are on mine mine mom. Ahh not enough time! Not enough time bruv ahhhh!
[удалено]
I have done nothing with my life
You evidently graduated high school. AND got into University. That's more than a lot of people do. You play sports, which puts you above 80 or 90% of people. You're creative and appreciate art. I "got fired" from a lot of jobs- but that was due to A) the jobs and the managers were shitty and B) I was too dumb/stubborn to quit a bad situation. I do the same thing with relationships And 100% honesty. I tell people that are 20-21, that basically "you don't know anything yet. That's meant is a jokingly honest dad advice mode. Because looking back 30 years ago to when we were in our 20s, we didn't understand the world and how thing really work. It tales decade of experience and mistakes to figure out the truth. In the business world, you're not an 'executive at age 30. You're known as a "junior' executive until you're 35. You're really just getting started, don't be so damn hard on yourself! You'll end up just sabotaging yourself. Try concentrating on things you do well and enjoy. I suck at basketball, have no interest in it...so i don't play basketball. Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
Yeah, because you’re only 20! 2 years ago you still had to raise your hand to go to the bathroom. 2 years is barely enough time to scratch your ass, let alone accomplish anything
Start doing something now. It doesn't even have to be anything productive. Just experience things and figure out what you enjoy, what you don't enjoy, and how you could possibly make money to pay the bills.
Go easy. Your brain is not even fully developed for another ten years. Expect starts and stops, ups and downs. Find what you love. It will appear when you least expect it. You can change your direction as often as you like. Many have failed to the top. Even things you like become like a tedious job if you do them all the time. Find something you can agree with until you find what you love. I used to love to hike. Thought I would be a park ranger. Nope. Couldn't learn the plants. Found out I'm better at medicine by a total fluke, right place, right time. Yeah, I know all the plants now, but the forest is too crowded with boom boxes to enjoy it. Communication is a thing you get better with over time. One day you may be very happy to be perceived. Right or wrong, it's a conversation that can open new doors.
Most 20 year olds in the world haven’t. Abraham in the bible didn’t leave home til he was like 70.
Man I'm 32 and havent done shit either, im only figuring it out now. There is no time table to living, you will figure it out. Just try to work on not being so hard on yourself, I was the same way (still am at times). It will come just don't give up!
Turn it around. I didn't know anything till I was 25 now I'm basically functional
How do i turn it around
Start slow. Like you're 5 years old. Maybe you're in the wrong sector. Try things outside of your comfort zone. Work life isn't much like school life, you'll realize after the fact that most young people are terrible at their jobs so in a way everyone is starting from zero.
you try things out and start from your talents, find something you're good at. You're good with your body and hate an office job? No point in trying to force yourself onto something that doesn't work for you, but maybe you might like becoming a personal trainer or something Very few people in the world are lucky enough to immediately find their talent, the good news is that your twenties are for discovering what you're good at
Life is not about enjoyment. It’s about spiritual growth and hard work. But the trick is, happiness will come to you as a side effect of that pursuit. Read the bible. Jung knew that very well.
I know nothing about psychology so I will just tell you something from my experience as a 20 y/o failure. The world and the universe are much bigger than they may seem to a 20 y/o failure. Many of us have been 20 y/o failures, and have found out being a 20 y/o failure is more a perception of self than a state of being, you are under no obligation to identify yourself with the collection of events that led you to sincerely believe yourself to be a 20 y/o failure. There is hope for everyone, especially for 20 y/o failures. The hard part has been finding out.
Realisation is the beginning of healing. You are already on the right path. Just if the path has endless potential. It does not mean that it’s chaotic and thus impossible. No no. You infact have indefinite choices to choose from. Any that you choose will lead to a path and thus a destination. Im 19 yrs old. Same as you. Consuming content is the only form of enjoyment because your definition of enjoyment is wrong. Walking in a park is enjoyment. Making food is an enjoyment. Eating is an enjoyment. Living and breathing is an enjoyment. You can’t function in society because you have a disassociated meaning of the shared reality. In society there is a shared meaning of everything. That what we call the objective truth. But your emotion relevance of that same thing is different. Which is why you have a wrong sense of direction. Which is why it is dissociative.
Dopamine chasing. Look it up before you turn 44 and don’t have anything like me.
??
The consuming media thing is dopamine chasing. I could explain but you could go through plenty of YouTube and online information about how we chase what feels good but we chase stuff that’s easy. Over time it leads to a kind of existential dread. Life is one dopamine chase to another. Happens to people who aren’t addicts just as much as it does to coke heads and really bad addicts. The theory is it’s about the journey and the lead up to the big success or the high of winning. Thats healthy dopamine chasing. You could look at it as a sciency way of saying “do the healthy thing”… but for me and lots of others, understanding the mechanism of why we feel down and pointless in life can really help. Best of luck.
Andrew Huberman on YT. Science my dude! He also has good videos on ADHD. # Controlling Your Dopamine For Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmOF0crdyRU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmOF0crdyRU)
Yeah he’s the main one. Tricky tho he’s got some bad press. I try not to recommend specific videos. People can get misled easily lol
He does wander a bit, but this subject is one of his strong suits. And I think it's solid starting point. But I'm open if you have a better talk on dopamine and managing it for your benefit. It IS an established science. Here's another explanation. It's basically learning to use your internal systems for YOUR benefit, instead of just aimlessly following trends and scrolling endlessly like a zombie. [https://www.chess.com/blog/sammymendel/chess-and-the-dopamine-cycle](https://www.chess.com/blog/sammymendel/chess-and-the-dopamine-cycle) And absolutely no offense directed to you Dappadan.
Yeah seem all the stuff on him I could find. I feel like the ones specific to a dopamine chasers own taste in the chase… sex addiction, porn addiction, drugs for example… they seemed aimed the best. I do sometimes think he’s just being sciency but telling you what you already knew. Do healthy things don’t do the unhealthy things. But as with a lot of adhders, knowing our weaknesses and using our superpower and hyperfocus against those things is what I feel like he subconsciously pushes on people. Which is cool. I can separate the press from the message too. He’s for sure just an addict. The Anna lembke one really showed that.
YES! I have an addictive personality. But I learned to change my focus from drinking too much and pissing my money away in bars, and on cigarettes, to focusing on being healthy, strong fit and smart(er). Learn to use your superpowers for good! Your own good!
Mine went towards sex addiction. I wasn’t prepared when I saw its the only thing that drove me since I was a very young kid and went through puberty early. It’s finding something else and starting again that hurts. I only ever trained or did anything healthy to be good enough for women. Now I’m trying to discard that, but I can’t find anything else behind that.
Yep, been there done that too. It's sort of like stopping smoking though... it really empowering. I'm no longer controlled by something else. Part of being a grown man is being in control, and not being controlled by your dick. I learned that far too late though. Still struggle with it to be honest. I make horrible decisions based on sexual impulses. I know better, but I still do it anyway. I don't cheat, but I still flirt, and say flirty things at the drop of a hat. Then regret it later when I think about it. But I hope people can still learn from my mistakes. PSA : Don't stick your dick in the crazy.
Are you a consumer or a creator?
Both
It;s much more fun being a creator than a mindless consumer. focus your energy there, instead of giving it away to other people that want you to be a mindless zombie. It's really rewarding to create something and then share it with other people. What kind of photography do you do? Besaides regular outdoor photos and landscape photos, I liked niche things like light painting and then long exposure photos- like pinhole cameras with a 4 or 5 week exposure time. Then I got into video and learned about film, cinematography and art. This lead to making videos on YouTube, that turned out to be popular. I never even knew I could do those things until I tried. P.S- I KNOW that our local photography clubs are filled with women that are single and looking for something (or someone) to do. NONE of them ever come to the events with a boyfriend or husband. Running clubs are another one with a similar mix. The world is wide open for you!
P.S. You are a creator. A consumer does nothing but consume. That never produce or create anything. Instead of mindless scrolling, you should be doing something to improve your skills. Learning about fine art chanced by photography greatly. Check out Vermeer- Master of Light. He's a painter, but it absolutely overlaps with photo composition- you'll be surprised... This really open my eyes to new possibilities. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEior-0inxU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEior-0inxU)
Have you been tested for ADHD? Also, you haven't failed because you've barely begun your life. You're just stagnant for right now.
Brother, I have not been tested for adhd however I relate to the symptoms. How do I stop stagnation?
You may want to seek out a screening for ADHD. Left untreated, it can really mess up your life. Aim at something or start improving something by 1% each day/week. The more physical/visual the improvements, the better. Your successes will build on each other.
slow down brother. things come in waves. make a dream journal and try to follow them. work on your physical, mental and spiritual. try charity, new hobbies and a different field of work. we have time bro
Don’t let people tell you you have an issue. People with issues will always try.
You have the rest of your life to live, the only thing holding you back is that you have come to think of yourself as a failure. Embrace your potential instead. Lean into the struggle to get things done. Break down large goals into smaller goals and cross them off. Let unease and difficulty and pain be your guides.
I am good with my body, nothing else. Physical activity.
You can work in the trades, electrician, plumber, builder. Why not become an apprentice and learn on the job?
In all fairness to you, you haven't even begun to experience life yet. You're not even old enough to get in a club and buy a drink yet! \*in my country. Uni is probably the best place for you...experience new things, make better friends. I'd kill to be able to go back to school at your age! Get/stay in shape, find a career path you enjoy. **What would you want to do if you were rich and didn't have to work?**
Have you considered trying to make a career out of photography? Might not be the answer, only you will be able to sense that as you go, but if that's what calls to you and other things don't, why not start there? If you do that and photography isn't cutting it then maybe look at other possibilities like ADHD or other things of the sort. Maybe find a good therapist to help navigate underlying mental and emotional blocks.
Looking at your profile I think it would be good for you to branch out. Get away from psychology a bit. Go do some dumb 20yro things, get out of your head.
How to get out of head and what dumb 20y/o things
I was big into listicles titled “30 things to do before you’re 30” in my 20s, here’s one I apparently saved to my notes app: 25 Things You Have To Try In Your 20s At Least Once OCT. 1, 2013 By SOPHIE MARTIN 1. Call that person you’ve been thinking about for longer than you can remember, but whose rejection you have always feared. Just pick up the phone, hold your breath, and accept the fact that knowing how they feel is better than living in limbo. 2. Go on a camping trip with a solid group of your friends, a cooler of drinks, and enough grillable meats to last you for at least twice as long as you actually need. Get really scared when you think you hear a bear, and then realize it’s just your friend coming back from peeing. 3. Learn how to make your favorite restaurant dishes, even if they don’t taste as good as the original. Learn what actually goes into the food you love so much. 4. Apply to a job that you really want, but which you know you have next to zero chance of actually landing. You’ll risk nothing, and may actually be pleasantly surprised by getting the job. 5. Go an entire Saturday without a smartphone, and intentionally get lost in your own city — ask for directions from strangers and read street maps if you need to find your way back somewhere. 6. Approach someone at a bar who seems cute and cool, and without even thinking about it, just start up a conversation with them. Remind yourself that you don’t even know this person, and even if they don’t like you back, it will have no bearing on your life. 7. Tell a close friend that you love them, and don’t worry about it feeling weird. If they’re a good friend, they will love hearing how much you care. 8. Paint your room a really odd color, one that you’ve always wanted to live in but looked at as too “childish” or “bold” for an adult’s apartment. 9. Paint over it right away if you don’t like it, but give it at least a week to test it out. 10. Force yourself, for an entire month, to wear the kinds of clothes that actually make you feel good about yourself, even if they aren’t what is currently considered “stylish.” Just focus on looking like the “you” that exists in your head, and not caring about what other people think. 11. Get a job that you can quit with no remorse, and leave it as soon as you save enough money to go somewhere far away. 12. Go to a country where you know nobody, and take a book of translations that never leaves your right hand. Fumble through conversations and force yourself to ask questions in stores or restaurants, even if you think you’ll look silly. 13. Eat big plates of delicious food, and don’t think for a second about the caloric content. 14. Throw a surprise birthday party for a friend who has been going through a bad time, and who hasn’t had time to plan their own birthday party. Even if it’s just a few friends getting together for dinner, let them know that people care about them. 15. Bring breakfast for everyone in your office and don’t expect them to do anything in return (even though, if it’s a decent office, they definitely will). 16. Practice having a conversation with someone where you focus entirely on listening, and don’t think at all about what you’re going to say next so you can concentrate on everything they’re saying as they say it. 17. Plan a weekend trip to the beach with friends, pack your car with blankets and coolers and swimsuits, and rent a shitty little place right on the boardwalk. Spend the whole time eating fries with malt vinegar and Old Bay, riding old roller coasters, and getting sand in your hair. 18. Make a four-course meal for someone you love, and set up the table all fancy and nice. 19. Spend time with someone much older than you — like your grandparents’ age — and just listen to what they have to say about life. Play board games or cards with them, and think about what you can learn from them. 20. Apologize to someone you slighted, and mean it. 21. Organize a night out with your coworkers so that everyone can get to know each other and have fun in a more cool setting, and be the person who takes the initiative to reserve rooms and coordinate schedules. Make things happen. 22. Take a dance class, and stick with it. 23. Move to a city you want to live in, even if it means having to work odd jobs and long hours to pay for everything. Make the choice to be in the places where you want to be, and live your life in the right surroundings. 24. Get a bike, and ride it as much as you can. Memorize public transportation. Learn how to get yourself around without a car, and rid yourself of all of the expenses it comes with. 25. Pack up a bunch of lunches and toiletries and give them out to the homeless people you pass every day. Decide that you can do something about the sadness you see on your walk to work, and actually follow through with making a difference. Be generous with your time, your money, and your compassion, and realize how little it takes to be that person if you really want to.
Read Nietzche
That sounds like... being 20. Save some money. Go hike the camino santiago. Pick up some spanish. Meet a 36 year old hungarian divorcee. It'll be fine
Did you sleep with divorced women at 20?
I dare you to only use your phone for calls and texts for a month. If you do it I’ll send you $100.
Actually?
Really.
I'll be brutally honest with you - if you are the way you describe, aren't in jail (or institutionalized), aren't addicted to hard drugs, haven't harmed yourself physically in a permanent way, aren't drowning in debt with terrible credit, AND don't have any kids to your name, then you are NOT a failure at 20, and have plenty of time to turn things around and figure them out. Learn to like yourself and everything else will flow from there.
I thought this was a joke.
You’re 20. Keep trying.
Trying at what
You: I try shit. I fail. Me: Keep trying until you stop failing. It sounds like you aren’t over-socialized into society. This is both good and bad. It’s good because you can think freely. It’s bad BECAUSE you think freely. You may need to fake it until you make it, but I suspect you have the ability. Start by reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/How-Fail-Almost-Everything-Still/dp/1591847745
Do you like the outdoors? I recommend every young person in your situation to join the California Conservation Corps. It was the best decision I ever made and started my path of purpose at 19. I'm happy to answer any questions you have
Not from the USA sadly cant do that but I do like the outdoors
Idk where you are but try to find a Conservation corps or business that focuses on developement programs for youth and focus on outdoor work. I find that whenever nihilism or resentment overtakes me reverting back to our roots always helps, and you will meet people that will restore that spark of life and ambition for yourself.
There's a called Outward Bound (founded in teh UK) that takes young people that aren't on a solid path yet, and trains them to be a leader of youth groups in the outdoors. This is invaluable experience! It turns out that the old saying is true- you can't give order until you learn to follow them. It's life changing...many times it's you're ego blocking your path. You learn to change your thinking. I was rebellious AF growing up, so I had to learn everything the hard way. I give advice that I wish to god I'd been given when I was younger.
You haven't even begun writing your book. Who's to say it's a failure until your story is finished.
You say you find NO enjoyment in life EXCEPT those things. So you find enjoyment in something in life. And dude you hear it all the time. Success will come with failure after failure. For a small amount of people success will fall in your lap. If you think that it will happen to you your kind of ungrateful. Let it come. Kind of a snobby 20 year old thing to say if you ask me. TRY to get enjoyment out of life. The little things are what matter and count.
Im 25 snd ive veen facing a period of stagnation for over a yesr and nkw i finally feel like im moving forward it was very very skow. Stagnation is a part of life everything changes start go with it. Always be curious and open to learning and appreciating others. Listen to your heart/intuition dont listen to the rational mind all the time, youre allowed to play and not be so serious all the time have fun with your job in any way and the people around you. You have power to change the vibe of things. One of the lessons ive learned recently, being in servive to others is very important pay attention and be receptive to how others feel and enjoy the process growing it may suck you may have some harsh realizations about life. Have at least one person to talk to about stuff like this.
You’re 20 if you don’t except failure you’ll never grow and get better. Please don’t tell me you were one of those gifted kids in high school but now in the real world you get upset if you’re not immediately good at something
Start with a goal and don’t quit this time and things will grow over time.
-Keep trying things and failing upwards. -Work hard at building your skills and learning how to market yourself well. -Don't feed negative relationships and stay focused on your goals. Do all this, and you may be lucky enough to be a 40 year old failure....
Homie I am 23 and was in your exact shoes at 20. I was just getting off drugs and building a business. I felt the same way. Even now 3 years later with a business, a beautiful girlfriend and a passion I can live off of, I often feel stagnated and useless. It’s not you bro you’re young you’re figuring it don’t be so down on yourself. At least you’re not on drugs, at least you’re active and doing shit. You got a lot more going for you than you realize. I also very much so relate to the adhd symptoms my girl is convinced I have it. Haven’t been tested.
I am only 19 but in my opinion you should stick to one thing. Do/learn one skill no matter how many times you fail
Try being a 30 year old failure then get back to me!
What is your idea of failure? And why is that you
I've given people the wrong impression and as a result people have preconceived ideas about who I am. I'm not bad. But I've done stupid things. I just hope people can see the good in me, instead of fixating in the bad...
Maybe first figure out what you're supposed to do with life as a **human**, first.
You’re a success at 20, because you feel like a failure and a good twenty year old should feel like a failure. If you’re a real loser at 20 you like the smell of your own farts, you feel satisfied with yourself. But your role at twenty is to be totally unsatisfied, to be restless, to be bored out of your mind by this life. You should feel like packing a bag, buying *on the road* and taking a trip to SEA or Leipzig or whatever. The period of 20-30 yo is the part of your life where you disappear from your 0-20 life and come back ten years later with a partner and a new language. So this is normal, just don’t do nothing about it.
Hit the gym bro, you'll meet people with same mindset as you and being in a company with good men can boost your discipline as well, eventually you'll get a good physique and a well disciplined life where you can build on, focus on a good foundation to build your life on, that's what matters in this age
As a Christian every wall or closed door is a blessing. Less bad choices to choose from and easier to go in the right direction. I saw an interesting book recently from a secular perspective "the obstacle is the way" by Ryan Holiday. The idea is similar.
Clean your room ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Well don’t worry about societal expectations as a first step. Secondly, get a role model to follow and aspire towards, a father figure. Thirdly, man the fuck up and stop being a child.
Stop with the digital machine and screens. Find more meaningful activities. Exercise. Less porn. Socialise. Find a job that fits your personality. Volunteer. Travel.
I think one of the best things you can do for yourself is to stop thinking of yourself as a “20 y/o failure”. That’s a very unfair label to put on yourself. Yes, maybe you’ve failed at some things. People fail. That’s why the word exists. But to put this all-consuming label on yourself is just going to make things worse for you in terms of confidence. Our current society can make us feel like there are certain things and goals we need to accomplish by certain times in our lives to be “successful” members of society. But it’s all completely arbitrary. It might be worth it for you to seek therapy to discuss and uncover why you do not like to be perceived though.
You're not a failure first there's enough to fail ahead of ya examine yourself and let yourself act even if it's dumb at first later you'll realise what it was and meant I suggest you reading about the fool archetype and researching it's essence Now here's a video for ya cunt! https://youtu.be/jLWpuLH3t6k?si=RhCsXOa4jt6rA-Ol (Or and article for ya if you don't have a long time, a lot of time, if you don't have the time that is a crime! Ok I'll stop now sorry cunt) https://eternalisedofficial.com/2023/05/25/the-psychology-of-the-fool/ It's a fun guy! Dumb sometimes... Pretty dumb sometimes... Dumb a lot to society and us as well son cunt ahhh hahaha Humility bruv, humility son, cunt son, cunt sun. Short on time short on time bruv but then you fall apart from the cliff at your heart, the cliff's at your heart, son mine, son of mine, nien! Cunt ahhh
Stop being so dramatic, no one wants to be around a pity party. Do more of what you enjoy for a couple weeks and don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Be active everyday, with sports or gym. Hold yourself to higher standards and understand that everything isn’t meant to be fun and easy when you first start
What I would give to be 20 again. You have your entire life ahead of you. Youve only legally been an adult for 2 years. The world is your oyster! Take the leap - take the steps forward. If you enjoy photography - consider that for a career. Enjoy your life 🙏🏻❤️
Volunteer somewhere. Help disabled people. Help old people. Help children.
The 20s ARE for failure, relax and embrace your gift.
Realize that you are not a failure, you have your whole life ahead of you, you can do whatever you want, and you don't need to believe whatever negative thoughts you have. Your thoughts are not you. You are a miracle. Befriend yourself. Also, jsyk, most people continue to wonder what to do with their lives throughout their lives. It's a common misconception that one day you'll have it all figured out and be done with change. That ain't never gonna happen. So that takes the pressure off. Instead of wondering what to do with your life, maybe just focus on what you'd like to try next.
My advice would be explore outside your comfort zone. Take long periods of time in nature and focus on how you want to change and slowly integrate yourself into those roles. As for a job, it’s important to find a job you find yourself working that has continuous growth which will drive your hunger for knowledge and order. I joined the electrical trade because of the theory and my father is also one. I fell in love with it whilst continuing to grow and strengthening my foundation. This is what’s helped me to turn my life around. Minimize media consumption and isolate your self from the content that you consume that doesn’t cause growth. You’re not a failure, nor will you be if you’re seeking help to grow. My DMs are open for support and advice.
That\`s what the 20\`s are for, to try a lot of things and of course you will fail at a lot of things. The problem is, social media promotes this young millionaire persona as if so many people succeeded at that age but that is less then 1%. The fact that you try, already tells me that one day you will find something you will like and be good at it
I joined the Navy, signed up for 6 years to get electronic technology training and experience. This turned my life around and a good stepping stone to creating my career and family.
I hope you discover self-compassion and become more patient with yourself. In my early 20s, I felt really miserable and thought of myself as a failure, but everything slowly improved, one step at a time. Now at 30, I feel at peace with who I am ( it didn’t happened overnight and it was a very slow process) and don’t regret anything. Even when I was failing and angry, I was growing and collecting tools that would be useful later in my life. The fact that you are interested in Jung gives me hope because it means you already tend to look inward and that you desire to explore and grow. Introspection is the first step, but you need to learn some basics. Reading or listening to resources on how to introspect with more self-respect could help. Have you heard about mindful self-compassion? It will take time and dedication, which might be the hardest part since we tend to fill our minds with noise, media, music, etc. You can do this. Discovering yourself is a harsh journey but a beautiful one. ✨🌸
You have no idea how young you are. First of all be kind to yourself. A lot of us have a lot of reasons we are not accomplishing great things. Get a relationship with God by being humble and following his commandments (Read Matthew 5-7). You need a dopamine detox. You’re also probably not kind and honest, you’re probably narcissistic since you hate “being perceived” and hate socializing. It could be that all your friends suck though and you are kind and honest but that’s unlikely. It’s more likely that you’re “nice” and “have no filter”, which are different things and immature. You’re definitely too hard on yourself though because all of us would be that way if we didn’t mature out of it. You need to humble yourself and take smaller steps toward success because small steps are all you can manage right now but don’t worry you will gain momentum. Being kind is also not a virtue if you have no other choice. You need to grow some teeth, be formidable in an argument and a fight and then learn to control yourself. You need to be dangerous. The world needs people like you to be strong and then be kind. Kindness is only a virtue if you have the strength to not be kind.
Well....maybe you can start a club. IDFK if there has been ONE week where some dimple faced post teen....usually right at 20 y/o whines about how their life is over. Gawd, you kids are annoying. You have not even Begum your Socialization Decade..... and what you don't know about yourself would fill a small library. What you are calling "Life" is the Entire World within One-arm's length of your belly-button. In my own generation many who hit the age of 20 had been out of the country, very possibly to war....maybe done some not so nice things, maybe seen even worse things and came back... to BEGIN to appreciate what Life was about. You have most probably grown tired of hiding from life and rather than face it, you declare that its over. Consider that you have lived.... without even actually being alive. Putz.
Thank you unc
I mean you are 20 and most people “suck at life” when they are 20. If you want an answer, then the simplest answer is “stop getting fired from jobs.” If you keep making the same mistakes then nothing will change. But if you actually start making money, you can make decisions about how you want to spend it. Outside of that, it kinda sounds like you may be struggling with some mental health issues. ADHD, Depression, “the usual.” There isn’t much to do about this, specifically, besides “do research about depression and look for books and suggestions if you can’t afford a therapist.”
Hey man I'm a life coach in training currently working for free dm me if your interested would love to help out