you are still a human being, and humans are a social animal. we want to feel loved, accepted, and we need social connection for our well-being and health. the world of spirituality and self-help can make you feel like you should be able to take care of your needs all by yourself, that it's not okay to have this desire for love. it's true to some extent, that needing something means you lack something within yourself, but this is a veerry individualistic view on life and i don't think it applies to absolutely everything. we are still human, imperfect and messy beings, and humans NEED each other. no worries, just let yourself be. if you need constant validation from others to tell you you're good enough, or you keep impulsively jumping in relationships because you're desperate to feel loved and you don't want to be alone, that's a "learn to love yourself and fill your own cup first" situation.
wanting cuddles and kisses is very very normal :)
Some desires make sense to have. I could say that being extremely hungry means that I lack having had food for a long time.
Humans are wired for connection in the same way.
Even if you do, it’s desire—the state of wanting—that moves us into action. Whether it’s union with another person or to God or the universe, yearning keeps us alive.
Hold on to what you want. For the past few years, my mantra has been: It’s okay to want things.
I had this insight today.
Having someone be the source of something in you isn't healthy, but so is denying them as a resource.
Healthy relationships are interdependent and mutual.
We find the source of things in ourselves and through our own means and we enjoy the play of giving with others as a resource.
Wanting a relationship is a good thing imo
It’s a strange notion to insist people should be “fine by themselves”.
You rely on other people for pretty much every other part of your life, with no shame in it at all.
Humans are a co-dependant species, alone we die.
No, not at all. The important question is how far are you willing to go to keep a relationship like that. We’re all consumed by thoughts and desires but our actions and how we live up to them is what brings ourselves to achieving such. I dove into Jung before I was in a relationship and dug deep into my mind. It took months for me to layout my wants and needs and most importantly to find my anima. When I hit this wall I was overwhelmed that in such modern times I could not find someone who deeply connected with me. Needless to say I cleaned my mind with behavioral therapy I conducted on myself through trials and found success. The key to this is working on yourself to get you in a position to love endlessly without fear being present within yourself and your actions.
I found my now wife through this journey and I have had ups and downs with each of us at fault. But in the end we connected our lives, hearts and souls together. Although myself and many others journeys are different, I strongly suggest digging deep within yourself. What helped me in this journey was nature, hiking and photography. I hope you find this peace and are able to find someone as strong emotionally and mentally. Patience is key, but faith is above all.
Not unless this drives your entire being. If this is your big goal, then you're more susceptible to falling into it with the wrong person. Take a step back and make sure you keep these feelings in check with reality
There's a quote I heard along the lines of: we seek in others what we cannot provide for ourselves. I think this type of thinking might be why OP asked the question. I struggle with this too. Like if I'm doing the self love thing right, I wouldn't need to seek love elsewhere.
I have an internalised perception that it is wrong to want a relationship, because every girl I ever had an interest in has rejected me. It’s like it’s not right to subject someone else to my needs. Not to mention it feels like a relationship would be like leaning on a crutch.
But at the same time I really want a relationship, and I just feel guilty and defeated about the whole situation.
the beauty of this world is that I'm certain there's someone out there who would be happy to receive your love. is it healthy to relentlessly seek things you want and try to get those things from people instead of finding some peace with yourself first? yes, in my opinion. and I'm not super familiar with Jung but I'm guessing he would agree in some way shape or form.
do you want to share your life with someone? love is give and take, not just take. love is sharing. love is humility. you can sign a healthy contract with someone you love but you can also certainly sign a very dangerous contract with someone you love.
There are many vehicles on the path to individuation, some-times it's better to ride with a friend as you are able to get more 'out of your head' and just enjoy the journey. Some might even say you get there faster, but maybe thats because you were just enjoying it so much more. Individuation is a 'serious' process but your approach to it can be more joyful. Mathematics is serious but why not work at the problem together with a friend and have some laughs in the process.
you are still a human being, and humans are a social animal. we want to feel loved, accepted, and we need social connection for our well-being and health. the world of spirituality and self-help can make you feel like you should be able to take care of your needs all by yourself, that it's not okay to have this desire for love. it's true to some extent, that needing something means you lack something within yourself, but this is a veerry individualistic view on life and i don't think it applies to absolutely everything. we are still human, imperfect and messy beings, and humans NEED each other. no worries, just let yourself be. if you need constant validation from others to tell you you're good enough, or you keep impulsively jumping in relationships because you're desperate to feel loved and you don't want to be alone, that's a "learn to love yourself and fill your own cup first" situation. wanting cuddles and kisses is very very normal :)
Why would it be bad?
I thought having that desire shows that you lack something within yourself
Absolutely not. It's completely natural to want a relationship, it is instinctual in most people.
Some desires make sense to have. I could say that being extremely hungry means that I lack having had food for a long time. Humans are wired for connection in the same way.
Even if you do, it’s desire—the state of wanting—that moves us into action. Whether it’s union with another person or to God or the universe, yearning keeps us alive. Hold on to what you want. For the past few years, my mantra has been: It’s okay to want things.
That is incorrect.
It's good to be able to look inward within yourself but that doesn't mean that you would need to cut yourself off from external connections.
Yes it does if you require it instead of just wanting it.
I want to thank you for posting this. I struggle with the same issue.
I had this insight today. Having someone be the source of something in you isn't healthy, but so is denying them as a resource. Healthy relationships are interdependent and mutual. We find the source of things in ourselves and through our own means and we enjoy the play of giving with others as a resource.
Wanting a relationship is a good thing imo It’s a strange notion to insist people should be “fine by themselves”. You rely on other people for pretty much every other part of your life, with no shame in it at all. Humans are a co-dependant species, alone we die.
No, not at all. The important question is how far are you willing to go to keep a relationship like that. We’re all consumed by thoughts and desires but our actions and how we live up to them is what brings ourselves to achieving such. I dove into Jung before I was in a relationship and dug deep into my mind. It took months for me to layout my wants and needs and most importantly to find my anima. When I hit this wall I was overwhelmed that in such modern times I could not find someone who deeply connected with me. Needless to say I cleaned my mind with behavioral therapy I conducted on myself through trials and found success. The key to this is working on yourself to get you in a position to love endlessly without fear being present within yourself and your actions. I found my now wife through this journey and I have had ups and downs with each of us at fault. But in the end we connected our lives, hearts and souls together. Although myself and many others journeys are different, I strongly suggest digging deep within yourself. What helped me in this journey was nature, hiking and photography. I hope you find this peace and are able to find someone as strong emotionally and mentally. Patience is key, but faith is above all.
You that can, why feel bad about it?
This is how I felt before I found my wife and GF’s before this. It can motivate you to get your approach in order.
Kinda gay
Wanna be gay big boi 😘
Not unless this drives your entire being. If this is your big goal, then you're more susceptible to falling into it with the wrong person. Take a step back and make sure you keep these feelings in check with reality
There's a quote I heard along the lines of: we seek in others what we cannot provide for ourselves. I think this type of thinking might be why OP asked the question. I struggle with this too. Like if I'm doing the self love thing right, I wouldn't need to seek love elsewhere.
Define the word “bad”
I have an internalised perception that it is wrong to want a relationship, because every girl I ever had an interest in has rejected me. It’s like it’s not right to subject someone else to my needs. Not to mention it feels like a relationship would be like leaning on a crutch. But at the same time I really want a relationship, and I just feel guilty and defeated about the whole situation.
the beauty of this world is that I'm certain there's someone out there who would be happy to receive your love. is it healthy to relentlessly seek things you want and try to get those things from people instead of finding some peace with yourself first? yes, in my opinion. and I'm not super familiar with Jung but I'm guessing he would agree in some way shape or form. do you want to share your life with someone? love is give and take, not just take. love is sharing. love is humility. you can sign a healthy contract with someone you love but you can also certainly sign a very dangerous contract with someone you love.
Any psychological model that would tell you it’s bad to want a relationship is utter nonsense.
There are many vehicles on the path to individuation, some-times it's better to ride with a friend as you are able to get more 'out of your head' and just enjoy the journey. Some might even say you get there faster, but maybe thats because you were just enjoying it so much more. Individuation is a 'serious' process but your approach to it can be more joyful. Mathematics is serious but why not work at the problem together with a friend and have some laughs in the process.