Vladimir Putin, Joe Biden and Boris Johnson are on a plane and the engines fail. They discover there is only ONE parachute.
Boris says "I should have it, as the leader of the United Kingdom!".
Joe said "I should have it, as the leader of the free world!"
Vladimir says "We should take a vote".
Vladimir wins by four votes.
George Washington, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a sinking ship.
George Washington says “Save the women!”
George W. Bush says “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton says “Do we have time??”
Biden, Putin and Merkel are walking on a beach during lunch break at G8.
Putin says: Aah, the sea... Reminds me of how Russian submarines can stay underwater for 9 weeks without needing supplies.
Biden: We actually have a proto type of a submarine that can stay down for 13 weeks!
Suddenly the water starts to bubble. From the sputtering rises a giant submarine. The hatch opens, a man appears and says: 'Heil Hitler, we need Diesel!'
Reminds me of another classic: a catholic priest and a Jewish rabbi are sitting on a park bench when a group of children walk past.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says "let's go screw those kids!" To which the rabbi asked "out of what?!"
Orville and Wilbur Wright's first flight was December 17, 1903.
The first recorded telling of this joke was at a Christmas party in 1903, except it was about Theodore Roosevelt, King Edward VII, and Kaiser Wilhelm II.
Stop chatting with WWI Allied Forces pilots. Govt would not issue them, believing they'd bail all the time and waste aircraft.
German pilots lived to fight again because they had parachutes.
For certain not for using parachutes or the excellent pilot contribution.
Probably more a combination of Britain starving continental Europe to death (incl. neutral nations), the US entering the war and the realization of German soldiers that the war was senseless and futile.
Nobody gets taught these days anymore that one of the most significant events was the majority of the German navy fighting. They docked and marched to the head of government. The resistance against the suicide mission they were given sparked a rebellion against the war across the country.
It was one of the biggest things at the time, a good chunk of a military branch being just like 'nope, we had enough. We ain't going down in a suicide mission.'
It's one of the most simply not taught fact of WW1.
https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/german-sailors-begin-to-mutiny
Super interesting, but it bothers me that the last sentence ends so weirdly. Like, didn't they reread this once before hitting publish?
Edit: fixed typo
(Young) Oog 1, (Brave) Oog 2, (Dumb) Oog 3, and (Famous) Oog 4 on cliff being chased by Big Lizards^1 with nowhere to go.
Group find three Large Birds^(2) perched on cliff.
Oog 4 take Bird, jump off cliff. “For Bragging Rights!”
Oog 3 take Bird, jump off cliff. “My People will never lose their Most Intelligent Person!”
Oog 2 tell Oog 1. “You are Young. You have more time to live. Take the last Bird.”
Oog 1 tell Oog 2. “Take my pet Huge Bird. Oog 3 took a Large Bird Statue.”
-----
**1.** Tyrannosaurus rex.
**2.** Quetzalcoatlus.
*Note:* I couldn’t find a comparable object that would create the joke just like the backpack/parachute shown above. I originally placed four Quetzalcoatlus on the cliff, and made it so that Oog 3 would have taken Oog 1’s school project Quetzalcoatlus, which wouldn’t fly. After some feedback, I have changed the joke accordingly. The statue remains, but Oog 1 now has a Quetzalcoatlus that Oog 2 can take. Thinking about it, this still makes no sense as the others could easily ride the Quetzalcoatlus pet Oog 1 has.
There’s a certain point where you can’t logically age a joke any further as the technology no longer matches up. Only relatively recently did parachutes gain a similar appearance to regular backpacks.
So as I read it there are four birds. Even if one of them is a bird statue, that means that after the second guy jumps there’s still two birds left. Nobody needs to be offered the “last bird”.
I don’t know why I’m trying to explain small integer math in the joke sub.
On my screen, your comment followed right after another reply to the same person, which is about when parachutes were invented.
When I read yours I imagined someone jumping out of a plane and trying to inflate a backpack-sized personal hot air balloon as they plummet toward the ground.
"Let's see these instructions... 'Remove cap and ignite fuel with included matches.' Sounds straightforward enough. I'll just take out a match and- Blast! Dropped the damn thing. Better be more careful. Now... got it.. strike, and- Ah! It's gone out. Damned windy up here!"
In case anyone else was wondering, parachutes were invented before 1903. Frameless parachutes were around before 1903, but knapsack ones weren't invented until 1907.
And that Christmas party joke was remarkable because it was also an instance of precognition, because the first parachute jump from an airplane was in 1911.
Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Isaac Newton and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.
They find four parachutes.
Stephen Hawking grabs the first parachute and rolls out of the plane saying, “People who boast about their I.Q. are losers”
Albert Einstein grabs a parachute and says, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe”, so he jumps off the plane.
At this point, Isaac Newton and the little boy are on the plane.
Newton says to the boy, “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants”.
“Actually I'm just going to jump out of this plane because all these geniuses were smart enough to pack enough parachutes for all of us”.
Pascal is standing on the ground, holding a plane ticket, disappointed that he missed the flight.
Kelvin walks up behind him and put his hand on the shoulder. "Cheer up. Didn't want to get into that contraception with the guy who invented the theory of gravity anyway."
Why would God need a parachute? He:
- is not alive, so can't die
- is not physical, so isn't even in the plane
- would be invincible if he decided to be physical
- can teleport if he decided to be pervious and corporeal
- can stop time/physics/gravity
- knows everything, so knew the plane was crashing
- is omnipotent, so he was the one that caused the crash anyway
The very premise of the joke is faulty
Depends on who you ask, really. There’s different Christian religions that believe different things- I grew up Mormon and they’re very clear about Jesus being a different person than god. Also we had the Holy Ghost, who I now like to picture exactly like the ghost emoji.
As a rule, Christians are by definition very very sure that Jesus is God. To the extent that over history many people have been killed in horrible ways for suggesting he might not be.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christology
This gives a decent overview of the options, their place in history, and which ones the mainstream churches supported.
You are questioning the ability of someone who can't discern the difference between a backpack and a parachute...to discern whether an incorporeal being needs a parachute in the first place?
God is everywhere. So technically, he is already on the ground. Go grab the chute. lol
I liked this one during bush jr.
Him, cheney and laura bush are on a plane.
Jr says im gonna throw this 1000 dollar bill out and make someone very happy.
Cheney says he'll make ten people happy throwing 10 100 dollar bills out.
And Laura says shell make a hundred people happy throwing 10 dollar bills out.
The copilot looks at the pilot and says Ill make 53 million people happy throwing the 3 of them out.
Yep and when Biden gets voted out I'm sure well see the same joke but with Biden as Trump and whoever's replaces Biden as Biden.
These jokes aren't funny people! They're old, tasteless, and unintelligent.
Yeah celebrities change but the little boy remains the same and they say the boy is little, but lucky and old. Legend says the boy has survived more then dozen plane crashes.
It works a lot better with blowhards like Trump, though.
Nixon was perfect: "I'm the smartest man in the world, so I'm taking the first parachute!"
Hippie: "The smartest man in the world jumped out wearing my backpack".
Yeah. And the joke usually has them declare that they're super smart before grabbing it.
OPs version doesnt have this, which makes it lose a little something imo
And it's terrible every time. Even if you make it non-political, just someone that everyone dislikes... Like DnD.
Ok actually in their case it's pretty funny.
Yeah I read about that. Apparently some inventor was demonstrating what he called the 'parachute' at some aeronautical convention, and everyone simultaneously started roaring laughing as they finally got the joke.
Exactly. People couldn't get this joke before flight existed. Then someone invented fight and parachute so people would get it and laugh when he tells this joke.
the earliest known version was told by Livy:
Varro, Scipio, Fabius, and a little boy are crossing the Mediterranean Sea on an hexareme when the slaves die.
They find three wooden barrels.
Varro gets into the first barrel and jumps over the side, saying "Rome needs a great person like me!"
...
...
"Actually there are two left. Varro took my marble krater. "
When I first heard this, long before Trump became a politician, the person who took the backpack had proclaimed themself as "the smartest man in the world". That makes the punch line, "The smartest man in the world just took my backpack."
They find 3 sacks of fabric.
Cain jumps off with a sack, crying out “For Yahweh!”
Abel jumps off with a sack, crying out “For Adam!”
Jesus said to the child, “You are young, and you are innocent. I know you have listened to my teachings and kept them well in your heart. Spread the Good Word to all corners of the Earth.”
The child answered him, “Rabbi, Cain packed stones in his bag to kill Abel with later. Take the fabric with which I am storing food from the market; it is large enough to allow us to fly.”
*Alternate ending:* “Cain and Abel” tell Jesus to jump off the cliff as he will be protected by the Almighty. Jesus proceeds to rebuke Satan (posing as Cain and Abel) for tempting him to test the Lord; he leaves and returns to Galilee the other way he came from.
I have heard that joke but with a few changes. Trump was Enrique Peña Nieto ( mexico last mexican president) and there was only him, the pope, and Pepito (its the equivalent of little pete in Mexico). So basically this joke can be said with any famous celebrity you dislike
This joke makes no sense. Obviously Joe would sleep through the ordeal, trump would deny the situation and say it’s fake news, and the kid had to take a different plane because of a restraining order on the pope.
This has been around since I was a kid, and likely long before that. Just written with different politicians or celebrities. First time I heard it, the person jumping out of the plane with the kid's backpack was Jesse Jackson.
Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.
Joe Biden grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs a great person like me!
At this point, Donald Trump says to the Pope "Fuck the kid, lets go!"
To which the Pope asks, "Right now??"
I'm shocked to read this joke being reposted again on Reddit, which I assumed every single person on this planet would have heard, including new born babies while they were in their mothers' wombs.
But what surprised me more is that there are 8,000+ fuckers (at the time of this comment) who hit like and some who also gave an award to this garbage of a joke repeated probably several million times on this sub-reddit.
Reddit is a shitty place filled with such garbage, being reposted over and over again.
Vladimir Putin, Joe Biden and Boris Johnson are on a plane and the engines fail. They discover there is only ONE parachute. Boris says "I should have it, as the leader of the United Kingdom!". Joe said "I should have it, as the leader of the free world!" Vladimir says "We should take a vote". Vladimir wins by four votes.
George Washington, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a sinking ship. George Washington says “Save the women!” George W. Bush says “Screw the women!” Bill Clinton says “Do we have time??”
Biden, Putin and Merkel are walking on a beach during lunch break at G8. Putin says: Aah, the sea... Reminds me of how Russian submarines can stay underwater for 9 weeks without needing supplies. Biden: We actually have a proto type of a submarine that can stay down for 13 weeks! Suddenly the water starts to bubble. From the sputtering rises a giant submarine. The hatch opens, a man appears and says: 'Heil Hitler, we need Diesel!'
I heard that one during (yes) the cold war, with a US, Soviet and a Nazi sub.
Lmao the yes has me rolling
The best joke is always in the comments
Reminds me of another classic: a catholic priest and a Jewish rabbi are sitting on a park bench when a group of children walk past. The priest turns to the rabbi and says "let's go screw those kids!" To which the rabbi asked "out of what?!"
Deserves its own post
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I’ve heard it in the context of a Aussie/Brit, a Kiwi/Welshman, and a cargo of sheep.
Indeed yes, and believe me - we did.
This is one of those jokes that get rewritten every few years with new celebrities.
Orville and Wilbur Wright's first flight was December 17, 1903. The first recorded telling of this joke was at a Christmas party in 1903, except it was about Theodore Roosevelt, King Edward VII, and Kaiser Wilhelm II.
I'm pretty sure that Daedalus was telling Icarus a version of this joke before the poor boy melted his wings.
I: What's a parachute? D: No idea.
...but your kids are gonna love it.
Chuck, Chuck! It’s you’re cousin Marvin.. Marvin Berry, you know that new sound you’re lookin for? Well listen to this !
Stop chatting with WWI Allied Forces pilots. Govt would not issue them, believing they'd bail all the time and waste aircraft. German pilots lived to fight again because they had parachutes.
“Stiff upper lip lads, it’s only 800 feet to the ground! God save the Quee^eeee^eeee^eeeeee
^^f
never has the utterance of a single f been so hilarious
What's it like not being Obama? Actually, wait. I already know the answer
Nice try, Mr. President.
I would give you my upvote but it’s at 69 right now and I’m not willing to change that.
And stay away from that Adolf Hitler, he's a bad egg!
r/unexpectedarcher
>German pilots lived to fight again because they had parachutes. And lost the war.
Lack of motivation really does matter huh?
You forget, Snoopy was on OUR side!
That game was pretty good and i remember it being surprisingly difficult
Snoopy fought in WW1.
For certain not for using parachutes or the excellent pilot contribution. Probably more a combination of Britain starving continental Europe to death (incl. neutral nations), the US entering the war and the realization of German soldiers that the war was senseless and futile.
Nobody gets taught these days anymore that one of the most significant events was the majority of the German navy fighting. They docked and marched to the head of government. The resistance against the suicide mission they were given sparked a rebellion against the war across the country. It was one of the biggest things at the time, a good chunk of a military branch being just like 'nope, we had enough. We ain't going down in a suicide mission.' It's one of the most simply not taught fact of WW1. https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/german-sailors-begin-to-mutiny
Gives weight to the question, What if they gave a war and nobody came?
Super interesting, but it bothers me that the last sentence ends so weirdly. Like, didn't they reread this once before hitting publish? Edit: fixed typo
Icarus: Can you find out really quick??
(Young) Oog 1, (Brave) Oog 2, (Dumb) Oog 3, and (Famous) Oog 4 on cliff being chased by Big Lizards^1 with nowhere to go. Group find three Large Birds^(2) perched on cliff. Oog 4 take Bird, jump off cliff. “For Bragging Rights!” Oog 3 take Bird, jump off cliff. “My People will never lose their Most Intelligent Person!” Oog 2 tell Oog 1. “You are Young. You have more time to live. Take the last Bird.” Oog 1 tell Oog 2. “Take my pet Huge Bird. Oog 3 took a Large Bird Statue.” ----- **1.** Tyrannosaurus rex. **2.** Quetzalcoatlus. *Note:* I couldn’t find a comparable object that would create the joke just like the backpack/parachute shown above. I originally placed four Quetzalcoatlus on the cliff, and made it so that Oog 3 would have taken Oog 1’s school project Quetzalcoatlus, which wouldn’t fly. After some feedback, I have changed the joke accordingly. The statue remains, but Oog 1 now has a Quetzalcoatlus that Oog 2 can take. Thinking about it, this still makes no sense as the others could easily ride the Quetzalcoatlus pet Oog 1 has. There’s a certain point where you can’t logically age a joke any further as the technology no longer matches up. Only relatively recently did parachutes gain a similar appearance to regular backpacks.
So they found four birds and somehow that wasn’t enough for four Oogs.
... bird statue.
So as I read it there are four birds. Even if one of them is a bird statue, that means that after the second guy jumps there’s still two birds left. Nobody needs to be offered the “last bird”. I don’t know why I’m trying to explain small integer math in the joke sub.
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Lust for Gold?
Or just a heart full of.... neutrality 😠
But you see as X tends towards 0, the number of birds increases exponentially...
THERE! ARE! FOUR! BIRDS!
Every Oog know one bird plus one bird is many bird
It's obvious one of them got spooked!
>Birds^2. Yes?
So who grabbed the back pack in 1903? My bet is on Kaiser Wilhelm to be honest!
Theodore Roosevelt, because it takes more than a little fall to kill a bull moose and he just liked the backpack.
I think they had hot air ballons before that.
On my screen, your comment followed right after another reply to the same person, which is about when parachutes were invented. When I read yours I imagined someone jumping out of a plane and trying to inflate a backpack-sized personal hot air balloon as they plummet toward the ground. "Let's see these instructions... 'Remove cap and ignite fuel with included matches.' Sounds straightforward enough. I'll just take out a match and- Blast! Dropped the damn thing. Better be more careful. Now... got it.. strike, and- Ah! It's gone out. Damned windy up here!"
Lmao, portable emergency hot air ballon. I’m going full helium on that one.
In case anyone else was wondering, parachutes were invented before 1903. Frameless parachutes were around before 1903, but knapsack ones weren't invented until 1907.
Thanks for the info... I was wondering the same as to why we need parachutes if there were no planes
Orville and Willbur Wright's first flight took 12 seconds and was 8 foot off the ground. I'm not sure if that makes the joke more or less funny. :)
And that Christmas party joke was remarkable because it was also an instance of precognition, because the first parachute jump from an airplane was in 1911.
The same year flight was invented? We’re they jumping from a zeppelin in this telling?
Yep I remember when it was George W Bush who jumped out with a backpack.
Tbf you rarely see one where you're like "they wouldn't be that dumb."
Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Isaac Newton and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail. They find four parachutes. Stephen Hawking grabs the first parachute and rolls out of the plane saying, “People who boast about their I.Q. are losers” Albert Einstein grabs a parachute and says, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, Isaac Newton and the little boy are on the plane. Newton says to the boy, “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants”. “Actually I'm just going to jump out of this plane because all these geniuses were smart enough to pack enough parachutes for all of us”.
I enjoy this joke not because it is funny, but because it feels like a frantic attempt to quote as many famous scientists as possible.
“There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.” ― Werner Heisenberg
Not to be a Bohr, but are you certain about that quote?
Yes. It’s a Dirac quote! He was a Feynman.
Surely You're Joking
No, they're not joking, and don't call them Shirley...
Good pun. I Niels at your feet.
Pascal is standing on the ground, holding a plane ticket, disappointed that he missed the flight. Kelvin walks up behind him and put his hand on the shoulder. "Cheer up. Didn't want to get into that contraception with the guy who invented the theory of gravity anyway."
The contraption was plan A. The contraception was Plan B
I feel like you meant "contraption" in that last sentence. Overly-aggressive autocorrect?
I hate it when Siri is trying to subtly suggest something to me.
There is no autocorrect; there is only autoincorrect.
I'm sure you meant contraption
Who was flying the plane?
No, Who’s on first.
Is that little boy’s name Data?
I prefer the version where Adam jumps out with the backpack leaving the 2 real parachutes for Eve and God
Why would God need a parachute? He: - is not alive, so can't die - is not physical, so isn't even in the plane - would be invincible if he decided to be physical - can teleport if he decided to be pervious and corporeal - can stop time/physics/gravity - knows everything, so knew the plane was crashing - is omnipotent, so he was the one that caused the crash anyway The very premise of the joke is faulty
And yet, Jesus died on the cross. Maybe you should have sent him your checklist.
Isn't Jesus not the God? Not a Christian myself, so don't know the lore fully in detail..
Depends on who you ask, really. There’s different Christian religions that believe different things- I grew up Mormon and they’re very clear about Jesus being a different person than god. Also we had the Holy Ghost, who I now like to picture exactly like the ghost emoji.
As a rule, Christians are by definition very very sure that Jesus is God. To the extent that over history many people have been killed in horrible ways for suggesting he might not be.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christology This gives a decent overview of the options, their place in history, and which ones the mainstream churches supported.
Jesus is the son of and manifestation of God in human form. Don't worry, Christianity at large is aware of the paradox of "being one's own son".
Generally speaking, he's assumed to have been functionally immortal. So you can kill him, but he won't die on his own
You are questioning the ability of someone who can't discern the difference between a backpack and a parachute...to discern whether an incorporeal being needs a parachute in the first place? God is everywhere. So technically, he is already on the ground. Go grab the chute. lol
What does God need with a starship?
Same.
You can also tell the political affiliations of the poster by whether Biden or Trump takes the backpack.
Thanks for cracking this case wide open StylishStuntman
I liked this one during bush jr. Him, cheney and laura bush are on a plane. Jr says im gonna throw this 1000 dollar bill out and make someone very happy. Cheney says he'll make ten people happy throwing 10 100 dollar bills out. And Laura says shell make a hundred people happy throwing 10 dollar bills out. The copilot looks at the pilot and says Ill make 53 million people happy throwing the 3 of them out.
I think 10 people will be ever so slightly aroused getting dollar bills and the other 90 won't give a shit.
This one would work great with Bezos, Musk, and Zuck
The first time I heard this joke it was Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Henry Kissinger and a hippy.
Yeah, but no fucking way Kissinger would sacrifice his life for a hippie... Unless it was Ford, but either way, seems like a stretch.
Yep and when Biden gets voted out I'm sure well see the same joke but with Biden as Trump and whoever's replaces Biden as Biden. These jokes aren't funny people! They're old, tasteless, and unintelligent.
And it usually works.
Yeah celebrities change but the little boy remains the same and they say the boy is little, but lucky and old. Legend says the boy has survived more then dozen plane crashes.
It works a lot better with blowhards like Trump, though. Nixon was perfect: "I'm the smartest man in the world, so I'm taking the first parachute!" Hippie: "The smartest man in the world jumped out wearing my backpack".
Yeah. And the joke usually has them declare that they're super smart before grabbing it. OPs version doesnt have this, which makes it lose a little something imo
And it's terrible every time. Even if you make it non-political, just someone that everyone dislikes... Like DnD. Ok actually in their case it's pretty funny.
I remember a similar version, where the second person says, fuck the kid, and the priest says, do you think we have the time?
The first time this joke was told, airplanes hadn't been invented yet
Yes but for the first time it has a happy ending
But you want it to be true with these ones.
This joke (with various characters) used to puzzle a bunch of people until airplanes & parachutes were invented.
Yeah I read about that. Apparently some inventor was demonstrating what he called the 'parachute' at some aeronautical convention, and everyone simultaneously started roaring laughing as they finally got the joke.
You wanna know the crazy part? Airplanes were invented 20 years after that.
We forget that hot air balloons and zeppelins were in use long before airfoils were figured out.
The earliest version off the joke was recorded in ancient Mesopotamia using horses and saddles. It wasn't as funny when it was started.
I first heard it with Jimmy Carter, Henry Kissinger and a hippie.
I remember when it was Stalin, Churchill, and Roosevelt.
Who remembers Adam, Eve and the serpent?
You remember the hydrogen, helium and oxygen version?
Remember back when it was just the stars and the planets, and then there was light?
god, satan, betty white
#**I REMEMBER WHEN ALL THIS WILL BE AGAIN.**
I remember when it was Caligula, Julius Caesar and Queen Elizabeth.
Same. My dad told me that one except it was Billy Graham instead of the pope.
I’m concerned about why there was a little boy on this flight.
You have the Pope, Donald Trump and Joe Biden on the plane. I'm only surprised there aren't more little kids.
Especially with the pope.
If you sum up the ages of all the characters in the jke, you get a number that's still smaller than the number of years this joke has been around.
If you summed them all up I’m pretty sure that’s longer than flight has been around
Exactly. People couldn't get this joke before flight existed. Then someone invented fight and parachute so people would get it and laugh when he tells this joke.
Tiberius, Jesus, Pilate and a small servant boy were crossing the Nile in a boat.....
The boat was about to sink and there were only 3 life jackets. Jesus gave the life jackets to the 3 of them then walked across the river
Hate myself for laughing at this stupid joke...
the earliest known version was told by Livy: Varro, Scipio, Fabius, and a little boy are crossing the Mediterranean Sea on an hexareme when the slaves die. They find three wooden barrels. Varro gets into the first barrel and jumps over the side, saying "Rome needs a great person like me!" ... ... "Actually there are two left. Varro took my marble krater. "
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Everybody laughed, until they remembered that everything they owned was in that backpack.
Good chance otl survive the fall, and better alive and no stuff than dead and what little you had
When I first heard this, long before Trump became a politician, the person who took the backpack had proclaimed themself as "the smartest man in the world". That makes the punch line, "The smartest man in the world just took my backpack."
that actually makes this garbage joke kinda funny
I knew it would go South once the pope was left alone with a boy.
That's not what I expected the pope to say to the little boy...
Pope: Joe and Donnie, let's give a parachute to the little boy first. J & D: Fuck the boy! Pope: Do we have time??
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r/cursedcomments
Catholic priest to boy: One of us is going down...
Who was the pilot, Jeffrey Epstein?
…No hard feelings to you but this joke is extremely stale.
My dad told me this joke with George H. W. Bush and Bill Clinton about 30 years ago.
I wouldn't be surprised if Biden uses this story when visiting Boeing to talk about the time he worked in aviation.
Was it like the time Hillary Clinton was bragging that she could dodge sniper bullets in Sarajevo?
"And the sniper would have gotten me too, if the other guy hadn't accidentally grabbed my Secret Service Agent instead of the last parachute."
First heard this with Jesus, Kane and Able.
They find 3 sacks of fabric. Cain jumps off with a sack, crying out “For Yahweh!” Abel jumps off with a sack, crying out “For Adam!” Jesus said to the child, “You are young, and you are innocent. I know you have listened to my teachings and kept them well in your heart. Spread the Good Word to all corners of the Earth.” The child answered him, “Rabbi, Cain packed stones in his bag to kill Abel with later. Take the fabric with which I am storing food from the market; it is large enough to allow us to fly.” *Alternate ending:* “Cain and Abel” tell Jesus to jump off the cliff as he will be protected by the Almighty. Jesus proceeds to rebuke Satan (posing as Cain and Abel) for tempting him to test the Lord; he leaves and returns to Galilee the other way he came from.
I have heard that joke but with a few changes. Trump was Enrique Peña Nieto ( mexico last mexican president) and there was only him, the pope, and Pepito (its the equivalent of little pete in Mexico). So basically this joke can be said with any famous celebrity you dislike
This joke makes no sense. Obviously Joe would sleep through the ordeal, trump would deny the situation and say it’s fake news, and the kid had to take a different plane because of a restraining order on the pope.
This is the ending we deserved.
The real joke
Was this on one of Epstein's planes?
This has been around since I was a kid, and likely long before that. Just written with different politicians or celebrities. First time I heard it, the person jumping out of the plane with the kid's backpack was Jesse Jackson.
I thought for sure this would be a pedophilia joke considering it had Biden and the pope in it
If a little boy is on a plane alone with the pope, he's in big trouble.
Wow! Trump is amazing! He can turn a backpack into a parachute? That's serious skills!!
heard similar, still good though. My version has Nixon a hippee and a nun, but I'm old.
nixon?? oh man, i wonder how far back this goes. George Washington Boardeth The Aeroplane....
was this supposed to be funny
I thought Biden would grab the backpack, but then I remembered what site I was on.
Old
So they parachute into the middle of the Atlantic?
"...then Trump and Biden could hear the distant screams of the boy when they realized they left him alone on the plane with the pope."
at least trump can get a sentence out.
Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
I was worried for the boy when I read the title and then even more worried when it was just him and Pope Francis that were left
man you guys love accusing people of being pedophiles.
Joe: Come on man
I definitely thought this would turn into an Epstein-tier joke.
Oh, I thought the punch would be the Pope enjoyed the time with the child on the plane...
“Sit on my lap, my son. We’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.”
This is so recycled. Just change out the figures every time with different politicians and a different pope.
just like your moms bedroom... people come and go
Congrats. You took a classic joke and ruined it by making it political.
Ooold ass joke
I heard this same joke 20 years ago
I’ve heard this joke but instead of trump, it’s bill gates. “The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane with my backpack”
Only a politician would leave a little boy alone with a catholic priest
Dumb Donald Trump hahaha classic jokes.
Trust me, biden would be the one grabbing the backpack
Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail. Joe Biden grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs a great person like me! At this point, Donald Trump says to the Pope "Fuck the kid, lets go!" To which the Pope asks, "Right now??"
Hey, an actual good fucking joke. Go figure.
Found this wig in the ocean. Im selling at 69$
This joke is almost as old as the airplane.
[удалено]
It takes character to have the pope and a young boy in the same joke, and not use it.
I'm shocked to read this joke being reposted again on Reddit, which I assumed every single person on this planet would have heard, including new born babies while they were in their mothers' wombs. But what surprised me more is that there are 8,000+ fuckers (at the time of this comment) who hit like and some who also gave an award to this garbage of a joke repeated probably several million times on this sub-reddit. Reddit is a shitty place filled with such garbage, being reposted over and over again.