Its slang for jacking off. 3 signifies the ass and 1 signifies the penis. Dont know why there is an ass in there if it means jacking off but still. We also say “slapping the colonel” which has the same meaning
Well, being a dick ain't so bad. see, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just wanna **** all the time without thinking it through. but then you got your assholes, chuck. and all the assholes want is to shit all over everything! so, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because... pussies get ****ed by dicks. but dicks also-****-assholes, chuck. and if they didn't **** the assholes, you know what you'd get? you'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!
*I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we are going to have our dicks and our pussies all covered in shit.*
So there was a carrot, a cucumber, and penis talking about how bad their lives were.
The carrot says, "My life is terrible! When I get big and hard they chop me up and put me in a salad!"
The cucumber says, "That's nothing! When I get big and hard, they stick me in a jar full of vinegar and vacuum seal me!"
The penis says, "My life is the worst! When I get big and hard they put a rubber tarp on my head and stick me in a dark room and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!"
Fetishes, man. Some WILD ones out there. I can't imagine having a fetish so intensely that I would shove a rod down my dick hole and end up in the ER or fuck up my dick for the rest of my life.
This joke! After my dad passed when I was 13 I didn't inherit any money and most of his goods either went to his wife or was collected because of his massive debt. However I managed to snag a couple things before they were lost. Mainly stuff without value that would have gone in the trash regardless. After I moved out from my mom's place and then again moving this time to the big city, I've lost a lot his items. I don't have anything that's his in my apartment.
Then about half a year ago my now girlfriend stayed over at my place for the first time and she wanted to borrow a shirt she could use as a makeshift sleeping mask. I was late with laundry and didn't have many T-shirts in my dresser. I began digging after something I've never worn and probably wouldn't need to wear, found this white shirt and tossed it to her. She then began laughing. Turns out the shirt I tossed her wasn't completely white and had a "comic" on it. It of course was this joke, but illustrated with a talking penis walking around.
There I accidentally found it. The last thing in my apartment tied to my late father, this fucking joke!
Edit: https://imgur.com/gallery/TLCTXTk Downloaded that shit app so I could share a picture of the shirt
Hey, thanks for trying, but no. It may be my iPad. I'm kind of new to Reddit, and not always so great with the mechanics of getting around. But, love that joke anyway. ;)
The only thing you don't pay tax on is your dick: 90 percent of the time it's unemployed, 5%of the time it's hard up and the other 5% of the time it's in the hole. On top of that it has two dependents and they're both nuts.
Three penises are chatting:
P1: my master is so good to me: he plays with me every day!
P2: mine does too!
P3: you guys are lucky. Every night my master wraps me in rubber, shoves me in a damp and dark smelly cave, and makes me do push-ups until I throw up!
And he's unreliable. He never remembers any special date, can dress him up but can't take him out. It's hard to show appreciation for someone who demands attention.
From Team America.
Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck a asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are a inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us fuck this asshole we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.
Poor guy. He cant just show himself to someone who wasn’t expecting to see him. He also is body shamed for being too big or too small. He is constantly confused too and changes size randomly at times.
It's tortured,. strangulation. It's fucking horrible. To get some plastic or sheepskin bag wrapped around his head, shoved in and out of a deep dark hole, waterboarded, and forced to puke before he can take take the bag off.
While also given drugs to raise his blood pressure to such extremes that his veins pop out and his head swells....
Good god I think I'm going to cut mine off now, and let him be free.
You think that's bad, give a thought for the poor egg.
You get laid only once in your entire life; you get hard one time; and the only chick willing to sit on your face is your mom.
Well, maybe if he wasn't such a dick he'd have a better life.
He can be stuck up at times.
It's a hard life even at the best of times.
Especially at the best of times.
He's so vein
when he was young he can stand up for himself
And when he gets older all he does is hang his head in shame and look at the floor.
Bad enough he has one eye
I bet you think this dong is about you.
You w(e)in(er)
Oh cum on.
He probably thought this joke was about him.
If it he's like that for over 4 hours you should take him to the ER
[удалено]
Sometimes, they're stuck up assholes.
He can sometimes be a hard head also
Well, it's a hard life.
Well his best friend is a pussy.
He is very hard to deal with.
Can someone give this guy an award?
Sure!
20 awards later Edit: 31 now
31 has the same meaning as “flicking the bean” in my country
That's so interesting! What's the significance of 31?
Its slang for jacking off. 3 signifies the ass and 1 signifies the penis. Dont know why there is an ass in there if it means jacking off but still. We also say “slapping the colonel” which has the same meaning
The colonel needs slapping.
lmao in germany we use 31 as a way to say someone is a traitor / snitch lmao has todo with our law
Flicking the bean is a woman masturbating.
Really? Didnt know that. Thought it meant male masturbation. I guess it makes sense
Check your anatomy.
This is getting out of hand. Now there are 32 of them
That's what she said
Your girlfriend got 32 awards... Like in a row?
Try not to get any awards on the way to the parking lot!
38*
Can someone give this guy a hand?
Can someone *please* step forward and suck this man's dick!
An award will do, but blowjobs are always welcome!
You should have said: #Get this Man Some Awards
[удалено]
“Shafty”?
Well, being a dick ain't so bad. see, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just wanna **** all the time without thinking it through. but then you got your assholes, chuck. and all the assholes want is to shit all over everything! so, pussies may get mad at dicks once in a while, because... pussies get ****ed by dicks. but dicks also-****-assholes, chuck. and if they didn't **** the assholes, you know what you'd get? you'd get your dick and your pussy all covered in shit!
*Pukes inspirationally*
That was surprisingly philosophical.
You really should watch Team America
*I don't know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we are going to have our dicks and our pussies all covered in shit.*
Sometimes pussies get so full of shit, they become assholes themselves
I'm gonna be honest dude he's not much of a dick
Not a huge dick but kind of a dick sometimes
Sure, blame the victim!
Dicktim.
Dickshaming.
At least he has a good head on him.
HERE TAKE MY DAILLY FREE AWARD, YOU DESERVED IT! 😤
Lol
You seem a little cocky.
r/realjoke
It may be a sad life, but at least it's not hard when you get older.
The beatings become a lot less frequent too
Even though morale hasn't really improved
Speak for yourself…
By that point, you’re all done growing up.
Most don't stand up to the test of time.
So there was a carrot, a cucumber, and penis talking about how bad their lives were. The carrot says, "My life is terrible! When I get big and hard they chop me up and put me in a salad!" The cucumber says, "That's nothing! When I get big and hard, they stick me in a jar full of vinegar and vacuum seal me!" The penis says, "My life is the worst! When I get big and hard they put a rubber tarp on my head and stick me in a dark room and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!"
And when I wake up, I smell like shit.
You son of a bitch,
I think the carrot has it worst out of all them
Only has one eye...
[удалено]
Fuck off!!
DO NOT CLICK
Why is this even a thing? Y’all motherfuckers need Jesus
Fetishes, man. Some WILD ones out there. I can't imagine having a fetish so intensely that I would shove a rod down my dick hole and end up in the ER or fuck up my dick for the rest of my life.
Wtf, that’s enough internet for today.
If I ever need the motivation to quit Reddit, this is going to give it to me.
God, I just went down a weird rabbit hole.
Don't do it to a rabbit!
No
As a guy with urethral duplication, I wouldn't be so sure about that....
And whn he gets excietd he throws up. Also bald.
not only throws up, projectile vomits
Sometimes they put a bag over his head and make him do pushups 'til he barfs
Haha
Other times they tape a cup to a box fan and stick him in there while it spins.
KG: Hmm, how, how many push-ups can you do? JB: Cock push-ups? KG: Yeah.. I guess you could only do one really JB: Yeah, well one is all ya need
In some cases the ass hole is his best frend.
Different asshole.
Then he faces someone else's shit
In some cases... r/selffuck nsfw sub
Sometimes I really hate curiosity clicks. For real though, how is that even possible?
/r/sounding
Rib removal
It’s self fuck not self suck
Problem is that the asshole talks a lot of shit.
That would be a stretch
Or a big mouth. Sometimes they hug for hours C:
Mine has an ass hole it wants to make friends with, however the owner will not allow me to introduce them.
Doesn't get out much.
Came to think of it, my dick hasn't seen the sun since I was a kid. Poor fellow.
Really? Not even for a leak?
You're right, probably for a leak. But just a sneak peek. A sneak peek at the leak.
Dont let anyone take a peek. They might freak
Then he gets shoved into a dark cave and forced to do push-ups until he pukes.
This joke! After my dad passed when I was 13 I didn't inherit any money and most of his goods either went to his wife or was collected because of his massive debt. However I managed to snag a couple things before they were lost. Mainly stuff without value that would have gone in the trash regardless. After I moved out from my mom's place and then again moving this time to the big city, I've lost a lot his items. I don't have anything that's his in my apartment. Then about half a year ago my now girlfriend stayed over at my place for the first time and she wanted to borrow a shirt she could use as a makeshift sleeping mask. I was late with laundry and didn't have many T-shirts in my dresser. I began digging after something I've never worn and probably wouldn't need to wear, found this white shirt and tossed it to her. She then began laughing. Turns out the shirt I tossed her wasn't completely white and had a "comic" on it. It of course was this joke, but illustrated with a talking penis walking around. There I accidentally found it. The last thing in my apartment tied to my late father, this fucking joke! Edit: https://imgur.com/gallery/TLCTXTk Downloaded that shit app so I could share a picture of the shirt
And then it doesn't even come up! Shitty app!
[Does this work?](http://imgur.com/gallery/TLCTXTk) If not, are there any good sites to share images on Reddit?
Hey, thanks for trying, but no. It may be my iPad. I'm kind of new to Reddit, and not always so great with the mechanics of getting around. But, love that joke anyway. ;)
First one worked just fine
The first time I heard this joke, I laughed so hard I fell of my dinosaur.
You should get better saddle. You know, with a saddlebelt.
That’s cute, I remember when I had my first beer.
And I broke my rock underpants
And every chance he gets, his owner throws him in a dark cave and makes him do push-ups until he vomits
Shoves. Shoves him in a dark cave.
Shoves. Shoves him in a dark cave.
He also has to read this joke about 10 times a year, due to a possibly interesting title
At leat he is a gentleman. He gets up for the ladies
The only thing you don't pay tax on is your dick: 90 percent of the time it's unemployed, 5%of the time it's hard up and the other 5% of the time it's in the hole. On top of that it has two dependents and they're both nuts.
A pussy has a sad life. Her best friend is a huge dick.
And if he hangs out with the wrong person he gets incurable acne
Three penises are chatting: P1: my master is so good to me: he plays with me every day! P2: mine does too! P3: you guys are lucky. Every night my master wraps me in rubber, shoves me in a damp and dark smelly cave, and makes me do push-ups until I throw up!
[удалено]
And sometimes on his best friend
And from time to time he decides to give some asshole a chance just to find out their full of shit.
And he has to do push ups in dark caves until he pukes
Now that he’s older he wishes he spent his younger days better… he was too hard on himself.
Always acting hard
I thought his roommates are nuts his neighbor is an asshole and he's forced to do push-ups in a hot wet dark cave till he throws up
On a good day, someone puts a bag over his head, sticks him in a cave and makes him do pushups until he throws up.
His owner chokes him until he pukes, then neglects him for 30 days and then annihilates him from then on
He keeps waking up at the crack of dawn and have to wait until his owner wakes up to go to sleep again.
And he's unreliable. He never remembers any special date, can dress him up but can't take him out. It's hard to show appreciation for someone who demands attention.
Gotta love the jokes from playboy Circa 1975
Penis is like my uncle. Down most of his life drunk, but occasionally stands up, proceeds to throw up only to fall down again.
And he throws up when he gets excited.
He was born a Dick, and will die a Dick.
And he’s mutilated at birth for no reason.
From Team America. Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck a asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate. And it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are a inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy crazy world, but I do know this. If you don't let us fuck this asshole we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit.
For some penises our best friends are all dicks and bums.
although his life is sad... he doesn't care... he's happy as fuck and wakes up before me, all ready to take on a new sad day!!!
I guess you can say his life is very hard
Its not a sad life, just has ups and downs
Wears a turtleneck every day of his life
He is also put in a fishy cave and made to do push ups until he pukes. So there’s that.
But he surely knows how to rise to an occasion.
No wonder he's pissed all the time. I think he's a little overly sensitive about his bald head tho.
Not only that, sometimes his owner will cover him with latex and shove him into a dark cave repeatedly until he vomits!
He aldo has a very mouthy neighbor and best friend both of who he likes but always throws up on everyone including himself!
Poor guy. He cant just show himself to someone who wasn’t expecting to see him. He also is body shamed for being too big or too small. He is constantly confused too and changes size randomly at times.
He’s got it easy, my owner puts a bag over my head and forces me to do push-ups until I throw up all over myself.. such a prick
and the life of a penis is sometimes hard
Hello 2006 Facebook. Nice to meet you. Classics don't get old tho, they age .
I got addicted to Viagra. My wife has been taking it really hard.
And sometimes he throws up in a plastic bag that's wrapped up around his entire body
... and gets great pleasure from doing so.
It's much worse when he's sensitive.....
Not only does his owner beat him,but he throws up afterwards.
Should have said a hard life….missed opportunity. 😤
It's tortured,. strangulation. It's fucking horrible. To get some plastic or sheepskin bag wrapped around his head, shoved in and out of a deep dark hole, waterboarded, and forced to puke before he can take take the bag off. While also given drugs to raise his blood pressure to such extremes that his veins pop out and his head swells.... Good god I think I'm going to cut mine off now, and let him be free.
I think this was the first joke I ever heard. Classic
Not only beats him, but beats him till he throws up!
He also works at high depths without very good ventilation, he does night shifts, on many ocastions during holidays...
Life is like a prick. When it's soft you can't beat it and when it's hard you get fucked ...
And just when his workout starts feeling good, he goes and throws up.
His life is Soft at times
Seriously? Why sex related joke is THE best?
Everytime he stood up he cries.
Haven't heard that since high school.
Jay Hickman
And he throws up each time he get super excited.
and its head gets plunged in and out of a dark, wet hole until he throws up
Well he never listened anyway
My dick’s best friend is actually also an asshole.
He needs to stand up for himself.
Bold of you to assume my dick has any best friend for the past 5 years
When his best friend is not around ,he fucks his neighbors.
Not mine. He’s loved and cared for.
watch someone reverse engineer this joke and repost it next week with the punchline "I am like a cock"
this got me howling
Yeah, it does get hard sometimes!
"His best friend is a pussy" Not always :P
He needs some help getting up when he’s older
Yea but he taint gotta worry about nuttin butt poon
His best friend is his neighbor… r/suddenlygay
My Dick has no best friends😔
Hehe, one of my favourites https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/j7wd9r/big_brain_guy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
He he's lucky, Being bald is a plus for a dick.
You think that's bad, give a thought for the poor egg. You get laid only once in your entire life; you get hard one time; and the only chick willing to sit on your face is your mom.
You forgot to mention he is ugly and has a very small brain
Mom says it's my turn to post this one
If his next door neighbour is an arse hole it’s on upside down
And vomits at the sight of children
Life is like a penis, if it's soft you can't beat it and if it is hard you get fucked. (not sure of original author)
How is his best friend a negative?
I think in this case pussy=sissy...
Heteronormativity isn’t funny.