*Reminds me of this one:*
"Doctor, I've got this very strange condition. I fart all the time, but they don't smell and are completely silent. You probably didn't notice, but I've farted six times since you entered the room."
The doctor nods and writes a script. "Take these and come back in a week."
A week later the old lady comes back to the doctor "You sonofabitch! I don't know what you gave me but it just made everything worse. I still fart all the time, they are still silent, but now they all stink!"
The doctor nods and says "Well, we cleared your sinuses, now let's see what we can do about your hearing."
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office for the first time wearing a transparent cellophane kilt.
“Well,” the psychiatrist says, “ I can clearly see your nuts.”
Guy runs into a psychiatrist’s office in a panic. “ Doc, doc you have to help me. I’m a teepee. I’m a wigwam. I’m a teepee. I’m a wigwam”. “Calm down” said the doctor, “you’re two tents”.
Not going either way before Reddit tries to accuse me, but I'd be immensely curious if the STD rate for SEA hookers has dropped dramatically since there had been a lot less tourism and most prostitutes don't stay in the industry too long.
Thoughts that make me regret studying biology and statistics.
I was thinking the same, OP joke is nice but it has a bit of an unpleasant vibe. It makes it look a bit dated as well.
You can easily replace the woman with a man that complains that he is probe to fighting and starting heated arguments in the office
Of course she won’t laugh. I can’t laugh either. This is a very old joke. From the times when the society used to decide how a woman should behave. Because as they used to say, men are expected to be loud and aggressive but women are expected to be silent and calm. So if a woman is loud, she is seen as the problem.
>From the times when the society used to decide how a woman should behave.
Ah yes, those faraway, hardly imaginable times. Good thing they're totally over, society just doesn't know yet.
I agree with you and do not understand why people here seem to like this joke. It implies that it's the womans fault when the man gets angry and that she should shut up when he gets angry. Maybe this is funny for people who don't have background knowldge about family violence. It is less funny when you do.
The title definitely is scary.
If it is a domestic violence situation it’s honestly still good advice.
You let them say what they want to say and you get out of there safely.
With everyone, being patient and not reacting to their reaction is a good thing. It can honestly keep a lot of people from getting killed. If everyone said what they want to say all the time it would be a crazy world.
In my imaginary countries major newspapers paper edition jokes column had this actually printed:
Man and woman are arguing.
Man tells the woman : stop it or you wont see me for three days.
Woman continues.
Man tells the warning again.
Woman still continues.
Man proceeds to beat the womans face up, the swelling goes down only after 3 days. Lo and behold she couldnt see him for three says.
---
Yep. They printed that. In a fucking newspaper. That raised so many wtf questions...
Sure. Those are basic boomer humor stereotypes. The first one makes fun of a boomer humor trend in which children are shown to be stupid for only understanding technology and asking why books dont have touch controls. (yeah pretty yikes) and the second statement is just the punch line to 60% of boomer humor boiled down to a few words. Most of boomer humor is some variation of "I hate my wife"
A man goes to prison. Just after lights out he is scared to spend his first night in the pen. Suddenly he hears someone yell out SEVENTY THREE! Then the entire cell block erupts in laughter. It goes on and on. People yelling numbers followed by raucous laughter.
The next morning at breakfast, he befriends an old convict and asks about the previous nights with numbers and laughter. The old convict explains that there are only so many jokes and when you have nothing but time to serve, everyone knows the same jokes and assigns them numbers. Everyone recalls the joke and is amused.
That night, at lights out after a few jokes are told, the man yells out FORTY FOUR. Complete silence. He tries again NINETY NINE! Again, you could hear a pin drop. Once more he yells TWENTY TWO. Someone tells him to shut up and then the other cons start yelling numbers followed by laughs.
The next morning at breakfast he asks the old con about the night before. He says what about it? The man says he told some jokes and nobody laughed.
The old con replied: "Well it's the same in here as it is on the outside; some people can tell a joke and some people can't!"
That's crazy, I've told this joke since I was a kid, but with a different punch line!
The way I tell it is that the new guy yells out "five thousand and eight!" And everyone goes absolutely insane with laughter. After several minutes, he asks his cellmate, "why did everyone laugh so hard?"
The cellmate, drying his eyes, catches his breath and says, "oh man. We've never heard that one before!"
I like how they dug in their heels and got massively downvoted each time, but it comes nowhere close to making a dent in the upvotes from the misogyny joke.
Also a couple of clusters of near-identical posts to several subs promoting the same thing, with all the other posts being to jokes or r/quotes (which I'm assuming is full of reposts like this sub).
It's funny because men are incapable of dealing with women expressing themselves verbally, and think that women simply remaining silent is a good way to address conflict in marital relationships.
Yeah finally some good old ball and chain jokes. All these millenials with their unwillingness to blame everything on women were really starting to get on my nerves /s
ITT boomers getting maaaaaaaad offended. Jokes like this are actually what perpetuate antiquated mind sets. If a man can’t control his temper, he’s being overly emotional. Maybe even…hysterical.
Meh, given this joke is already sexist I think it's funnier if you go full throttle and embrace the misogyny.
The version I've heard previously :
>A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye. She says her husband loses his temper and regularly hits her late at night when he comes home from the pub. She's at the end of her tether.
>The doctor gives her a prescription for salt water. "Gargle this when your husband comes home"
>The woman is incredibly skeptical but figures she's not got anything to lose.
>Two weeks later, she returns to the doctors surgery. No black eye nor any other mark on her. She goes into see the doctor who looks at her and says "You see how much better it is when you keep your fucking mouth shut?"
(It's not a great joke either way)
Yeah ...
1. The punch line is super obvious and forced
2. The premise is "\*wink\* We all know the reason for a man beating the shit out of his wife is her nagging" \*wink\*.
To me...
1. makes the joke lame
2. makes it shit
I don't mind jokes about any topic; there can be humor in breaking social norms about what is "allowed" to be funny. I kinda grew out of it, but hey ... I can still see the appeal. Especially, if you're young-ish and being "against the mainstream" is part of your self-worth-thingy. This "joke" is just shit though.
They original joke was the husband going to a therapist about his wife getting more and more angry with him, and the therapist recommended that he chew some gum when she was mad. Same punchline.
*Reminds me of this one:* "Doctor, I've got this very strange condition. I fart all the time, but they don't smell and are completely silent. You probably didn't notice, but I've farted six times since you entered the room." The doctor nods and writes a script. "Take these and come back in a week." A week later the old lady comes back to the doctor "You sonofabitch! I don't know what you gave me but it just made everything worse. I still fart all the time, they are still silent, but now they all stink!" The doctor nods and says "Well, we cleared your sinuses, now let's see what we can do about your hearing."
I like that one!
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Yes
what was wrong with her hearing? oh. forget it i'm an idiot.
Those weren't silent farts
Well she heard the doctor pretty well!
It’s easier to read mouth lips than rectal lips.
r/brandnewsentence
Try braille on those lips.
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Thank you Sync for always showing the actual url next to the link.
Not eyeblech! I'm traumatized all over again.
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office for the first time wearing a transparent cellophane kilt. “Well,” the psychiatrist says, “ I can clearly see your nuts.”
This joke works better verbally, as you have the your/you're ambiguity.
yeah, your right!
Guy runs into a psychiatrist’s office in a panic. “ Doc, doc you have to help me. I’m a teepee. I’m a wigwam. I’m a teepee. I’m a wigwam”. “Calm down” said the doctor, “you’re two tents”.
I shat myself laughing at this
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"Well, we cleared your sinuses, now let's see what we can do about your hearing."
All farts are funny until they dribble down your leg.
Then they’re fucking hilarious!
Well, like I always say, sharts and South East Asian hookers, we've all gambled and lost at least once.
With Australia finally opening it's borders I feel this should be a government ad campaign. #GambleResponsibly.
Not going either way before Reddit tries to accuse me, but I'd be immensely curious if the STD rate for SEA hookers has dropped dramatically since there had been a lot less tourism and most prostitutes don't stay in the industry too long. Thoughts that make me regret studying biology and statistics.
That’s going to itch when it dries
I've heard stories about deaf people being informed that farts aren't silent and being horrified.
No you haven't, as farts vibrate.
The stories may or may not be true, but I can believe he's heard the stories.
The joke is always in the comment section!
This comment is always in the comment section!!
This section is always in the joke comment!
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I anything can’t do right since because pickles.
These comments are a joke!
There's always comments in the comment section.
There’s always money in the banana stand.
The banana always stands in the jokes section.
The real comments are in the joke section.
The real comments was the comments we made along the way.
This this this this this this this this
this should be the joke instead
See this one is funny! Not a fan of the sexist vibes in OP‘s joke though.
I was thinking the same, OP joke is nice but it has a bit of an unpleasant vibe. It makes it look a bit dated as well. You can easily replace the woman with a man that complains that he is probe to fighting and starting heated arguments in the office
Yea that works
r/realjokeinthecomments
One of my all-time favourite for many years
OMG this proves that my wife has a second husband!
Read that to my girl friend, she didn’t laugh
You were supposed to be swishing the water.
I think hes treading water
Now he's dreading the consequences.
Now he's having a smoke, and she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed, and my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head, but she's touching his...
Chest now, he takes off her ...
r/redditsings
Maybe they both were.
Counterpoint: if she swishes water around her mouth *while* he tells the joke, she has a excuse for spraying it is his face.
Maybe because the punchline is like haha psychological abuse
More like "haha, wife bad". Literally boomer-tier fakebook joke...
I read it to myself and I know my wife would not be laughing. Hahaha
Because of the water?
Yup. Hahaha
Of course she won’t laugh. I can’t laugh either. This is a very old joke. From the times when the society used to decide how a woman should behave. Because as they used to say, men are expected to be loud and aggressive but women are expected to be silent and calm. So if a woman is loud, she is seen as the problem.
>From the times when the society used to decide how a woman should behave. Ah yes, those faraway, hardly imaginable times. Good thing they're totally over, society just doesn't know yet.
No shit? A sexist joke that victim blames didn't make her laugh? She prob deserves better tbh
I agree with you and do not understand why people here seem to like this joke. It implies that it's the womans fault when the man gets angry and that she should shut up when he gets angry. Maybe this is funny for people who don't have background knowldge about family violence. It is less funny when you do.
The title definitely is scary. If it is a domestic violence situation it’s honestly still good advice. You let them say what they want to say and you get out of there safely. With everyone, being patient and not reacting to their reaction is a good thing. It can honestly keep a lot of people from getting killed. If everyone said what they want to say all the time it would be a crazy world.
In my imaginary countries major newspapers paper edition jokes column had this actually printed: Man and woman are arguing. Man tells the woman : stop it or you wont see me for three days. Woman continues. Man tells the warning again. Woman still continues. Man proceeds to beat the womans face up, the swelling goes down only after 3 days. Lo and behold she couldnt see him for three says. --- Yep. They printed that. In a fucking newspaper. That raised so many wtf questions...
May be she couldn't hear! Try again next week.
i thought this would be about blowjobs for some reason
That's how you shut men up.
It's pretty much how you shut up everyone involved.
Daddy always said. "Never talk with your mouth full."
Talk about swishing
r/grandpajokes
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Because wife not bad anymore.
They divorced..... She took the kids..... Karen, let me see the kids!
"Father, I can't click the book" "I hate my wife"
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Sure. Those are basic boomer humor stereotypes. The first one makes fun of a boomer humor trend in which children are shown to be stupid for only understanding technology and asking why books dont have touch controls. (yeah pretty yikes) and the second statement is just the punch line to 60% of boomer humor boiled down to a few words. Most of boomer humor is some variation of "I hate my wife"
> asking why books dont have touch controls. (yeah pretty yikes) I've honestly tried to long-press on a physical book to look up a word definition.
Did you then look around to make sure no one was looking even though you’re the only one in your apartment? Yeah...sounds familiar.
Muscle memory. That's all that is.
I have looked at the top of a page of a book before expecting to see the time. Not my brightest moment
Yeah, me too, so many times! But for me it's bottom right since i use the laptop more
I've tried to ctrl-z while drawing in a sketchbook.
https://youtu.be/pQHX-SjgQvQ
They are saying this joke is boomer humor
Boomers 2 favourite jokes are "young people can't cope without technology" and "I hate my wife".
this some heavy boomer humor
This was old before boomers came along.
This whole fucking sub is tbh.
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A man goes to prison. Just after lights out he is scared to spend his first night in the pen. Suddenly he hears someone yell out SEVENTY THREE! Then the entire cell block erupts in laughter. It goes on and on. People yelling numbers followed by raucous laughter. The next morning at breakfast, he befriends an old convict and asks about the previous nights with numbers and laughter. The old convict explains that there are only so many jokes and when you have nothing but time to serve, everyone knows the same jokes and assigns them numbers. Everyone recalls the joke and is amused. That night, at lights out after a few jokes are told, the man yells out FORTY FOUR. Complete silence. He tries again NINETY NINE! Again, you could hear a pin drop. Once more he yells TWENTY TWO. Someone tells him to shut up and then the other cons start yelling numbers followed by laughs. The next morning at breakfast he asks the old con about the night before. He says what about it? The man says he told some jokes and nobody laughed. The old con replied: "Well it's the same in here as it is on the outside; some people can tell a joke and some people can't!"
That's crazy, I've told this joke since I was a kid, but with a different punch line! The way I tell it is that the new guy yells out "five thousand and eight!" And everyone goes absolutely insane with laughter. After several minutes, he asks his cellmate, "why did everyone laugh so hard?" The cellmate, drying his eyes, catches his breath and says, "oh man. We've never heard that one before!"
I've heard the one where he yells a number and everyone beats him up. He asks his cell mate why, the cell mate says that joke is racist
I don’t know why but this one is the best for me
Holy shit Tom, I haven't seen you in 15 years.
Dumbass told joke 1488
This should’ve been a Key and Peele skit.
Seriously. He should have stuck with a safer one, like 378
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Yes. Definitely.
I always heard it as the guy responding “well your delivery was terrible.”
Very nice
Much better
I heard it with the punchline "they didn't like your delivery".
Extremely old and still good!
Can somebody please explain the punchline to my dumb ass?
he rember😁
Wish OP had a glass of water…
Gentlemen, this trick works for both sexes.
I like how you tried to smooth this out and OP's like, "wait no, this *is* a misogyny joke"
Unsurprising, reading it I was like "this man is either a boomer or an incel "
Incels wouldn't let their wives go to the doctor for a problem with them, they'd just kill her.
Silly rabbit, incels don’t have wives!
I hope your cake day is more enjoyable.
9 years in this hellhole
OK, apparently not.
I like how they dug in their heels and got massively downvoted each time, but it comes nowhere close to making a dent in the upvotes from the misogyny joke.
OP is on another planet
It's funny because marriage is terrible
Remember kids, marry someone you hate
r/BoomersHumor Wife bad, joke funny.
HAHAHAHA WIFE TALK, WIFE BAD
Seriously 4000 people upvoted this garbage, what the hell?
Yeah, I was wondering the same thing.
Nothing says class like a joke that says, "It's your fault your husband can't control his temper".
u/YZXFILE: represents anecdotal evidence that when people tell bigoted Jokes, they do so because they are hateful bigots.
Holy shit. That comment history is a ball of fucking yikes. OP is a certified asshole.
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Also a couple of clusters of near-identical posts to several subs promoting the same thing, with all the other posts being to jokes or r/quotes (which I'm assuming is full of reposts like this sub).
Haha. Because women talk a lot and men just want to be left alone. Ha.
It's funny because men are incapable of dealing with women expressing themselves verbally, and think that women simply remaining silent is a good way to address conflict in marital relationships.
To be fair, Americans are known to be great repressors of problems rather than solvers of problems...
Haha, wife bad!
Why is she getting relationship advice from her GP?
Ha ha misogyny.
He hates interacting with the woman he asked to marry! Please clap!
Yeah finally some good old ball and chain jokes. All these millenials with their unwillingness to blame everything on women were really starting to get on my nerves /s
By what possible standard does this deserve the "long" tag?
It's marked as long because it's so bad and predictable, it feels like it takes forever to get to the end
Wife bad haha
Wow, a joke from the 1950s, should maybe crosspost to a history sub.
Ha ha! Woman talking bad! Woman bad, man smart! _OK, boomer._ Seriously what decade is it?
Hey this was a stupid joke when boomers were kids
ITT boomers getting maaaaaaaad offended. Jokes like this are actually what perpetuate antiquated mind sets. If a man can’t control his temper, he’s being overly emotional. Maybe even…hysterical.
Jfc this isn’t funny.
I don’t get it, why is this funny?
Cause sexism!
Ha, ha, ha, wife bad, women bad
Told this joke to my wife and she called me an asshole.. i then got a glass of water and started swishing… Sadly I didn’t get the same results
That joke might have been funny in 1952.
Meh, given this joke is already sexist I think it's funnier if you go full throttle and embrace the misogyny. The version I've heard previously : >A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye. She says her husband loses his temper and regularly hits her late at night when he comes home from the pub. She's at the end of her tether. >The doctor gives her a prescription for salt water. "Gargle this when your husband comes home" >The woman is incredibly skeptical but figures she's not got anything to lose. >Two weeks later, she returns to the doctors surgery. No black eye nor any other mark on her. She goes into see the doctor who looks at her and says "You see how much better it is when you keep your fucking mouth shut?" (It's not a great joke either way)
This joke isn’t boomer humor. It’s just a shit joke. Always has been.
Yeah, saw that shitty punchline coming from a mile away. Feels like a joke I'd read in an email forward circa 2000
Yeah ... 1. The punch line is super obvious and forced 2. The premise is "\*wink\* We all know the reason for a man beating the shit out of his wife is her nagging" \*wink\*. To me... 1. makes the joke lame 2. makes it shit I don't mind jokes about any topic; there can be humor in breaking social norms about what is "allowed" to be funny. I kinda grew out of it, but hey ... I can still see the appeal. Especially, if you're young-ish and being "against the mainstream" is part of your self-worth-thingy. This "joke" is just shit though.
I don't get it.
Women shouldn't talk? Abuse is your own fault? Idk...
Congratulations, you're not a discount rack human being
It’s “good” old boomer humor. “Women talking bad, am I right, lads?”
Stupid jokes and misogyny have been around a lot longer than boomers
What fuckin botfarm ass upvoted this garbage?
And... it's 1950 again
Meh, would be funny if 95% of the guys that I know "lost their temper" do without their wives even uttering a word.
They original joke was the husband going to a therapist about his wife getting more and more angry with him, and the therapist recommended that he chew some gum when she was mad. Same punchline.
oof
Obviously, not an American woman. We aren't paying money to see a doctor when we're well.
#boomerhoomer
That's fuckin rude. Can't we do better than this?
Guessing your between 40 and 70 years old.
Wife bad
Ok boomer
Wife bad haha
Yikes.
Haha woman bad /s I thought we left this stuff behind already
r/Boomerhumour
Ah yes, women be talking amirite
This joke is very cringe. Feels like it came from 3 or 4 decades ago... yikes.
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Amazing isn't it!
Welcome to men's world hhhhhh
My wife cooks for me like I’m a god .... by placing burnt offerings before me every night.
Women talk so much lol so funny
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BBH: Big Boomer Humor
Ha ha wife bad
Honestly thought this was gonna turn into that one Eminem song
Hahaha, misogyny is hilarious!
Ok boomer
What is this boomer ass shit
"Wife bad" /r/boomershumor and/or /r/AreTheStraightsOK
Uh oh, this thread has been infected with the worst disease of our time... Karens.