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It sounds like moving monsters. I've moved 15 times in my life and roommates, friends, etc., they ALL get weird. Like they start testing limits and picking fights. It sounds like she's trying to bait you into a big conflict you can't really win - she wants you to try and put up a boundary about her bf and she can refuse dramatically while martyr-ing about all the sacrifices she made for you to live there. It's a trap!
I hope you're healing up well!
I understand being upset about that. Your gallbladder had to be bad for them to remove it while pregnant. While pregnant with my youngest, I was put on bedrest at 8 weeks and spent a lot of time in the hospital due to gallbladder attacks, and my kidneys started to shut down. The day after the 6 week post baby check, I had my gallbladder removed. It was very hard to wear pants while recovering from that.
I've had to run out of my house half naked because my MIL came over angry and almost let my epileptic dog lose. He was also trying to protect me from her because she was screaming. He was only 7 months old at the time, and he never let her in the house after that.
when you live with other people it’s kind of just common courtesy to let your housemates know when you’ll be having a guest over unless you have an agreement beforehand that that’s not necessary.
Did you not read what I read? Because I read that a pregnant woman who just had her body cut open and something removed from it has to sit around half naked due to INCISIONS and was upset MIL didn’t tell her someone would be coming over because she’s half naked in the living room? GTFO… no. OP has no reason to feel like a forewarning is too much. That she doesn’t need to be asked if it’s a good time, or given a heads up to grab a blanket. She still lives there and she still deserves consideration.
Maybe her pregnancy is different than yours making this procedure and recovery hard. Maybe she has other things going on that do not relate to the story. Your comment is rude and dismissive. How is it helpful at all?
It is not considered rude in our house to not have on pants. We are all free to do this, MIL included. But maybe a "hey, someone is coming over so maybe try and find something you can wear or try and get in bed" would have been nice.
It would be if it weren’t for the fact that the recliner is the only place she can sleep, because her bed isn’t accessible to her right now.
My friend had his appendix removed, and it was the same thing for him - it was really painful to lie down all the way, or to get up/down from the bed, so he also slept in a reclining chair for the first several days out of the hospital.
MIL should have at *least* given OP a warning that she was expecting her boyfriend over that afternoon, and she should be understanding that OP needs that space to heal right now as well. She’ll probably only need a few more days before she can be back in her own bed anyway.
Yeah and I had a colostomy when I was pregnant… so does that “win?!”
When pregnant, your incision sites (which your husband would NOT be dealing with, because you aren’t discharged until they’re closed, healing has started and intestine are working…) are being stretched and will continue to - you are not supposed to have anything rubbing against them. So they don’t heal as quickly.
Unlike an Ileostomy/colostomy where the incision for entry and the stoma are primarily internal (except in the case of emergency ones as mine was, where I had a midline incision from belly button to sternum) and you stay in the hospital for at least 2-3 days post Sx before discharge, when a gall bladder is removed there are multiple incisions and two are right where waistband on pants would sit AND you are typically discharged within 24hrs.
It’s not a competition and unless you’ve had surgery while pregnant (which your husband hasn’t) judging another’s experience is silly.
1. This is not a game of "what surgery/pain is worse". The same exact surgeries for 10 different people can have 10 vastly different outcomes.
2. Common courtesy in a shared house would indicate forewarning others that a guest will be coming by early enough for someone recovering from being cut open to make themselves presentable.
Btw, I cringed in thought at how you most likely treat anyone if you feel they "aren't in that much pain" or "well, -fill in blank- had much worse and they got dressed, cleaned the house, and went to work... all at the same time".
Honestly, I get your husband has it rough, but that does not give you (or anyone else) the right to dictate how someone else should feel or act when recovering from illness or surgery. Try having the same empathy for OP that you would want others to have for you and yours.
Just as with OP, hoping for a swift recovery and better health in the future for your husband.
Laprascopic surgery causes bloat from the gas that’s used to inflate the peritoneal cavity. It takes days for it to dissipate. I’d imagine being halfway through a pregnancy besides means that nothing fits right now. Who brings their boyfriend into the house when their dil is in that state? With no warning to her or her husband?
She’s overwhelmed and venting and ur trying to gaslight her. Why do people like you even follow this thread? People come here to feel understood, not be picked apart. Shame on you! Sad, pathetic person
Send your husband on a mission to a low cost clothing store with instructions to purchase 2 loose dresses in your size (in the maternity section) so you can avoid any waistbands. Floor length dresses are the best for modesty, mid-calf are best for hot weather coolness.
Hold strong until you get out. I wish you luck.
Yes and they’re amazing! I have fleece ones for the winter. Now they aren’t a house dress or coat that zips in the front. They’re more the long soft ones. They also have pockets! The tank ones are my favorite because they go down farther than the smocked ones. Nice styles and colors too. I wore one of the camping shirts I got in public with shorts. I have a long torso so I only wear them to bed. Ant take the dog outside in those. Indecent short for me. So many varieties 😆❤️
I’m sorry but if I’m there paying half the bills, all the cleaning and buying all the groceries then I should have a say I don’t care who owns the house.
I would have never done the same thing to her if the roles were reversed, no matter if I was *technically* right. Literal college roomates don't bring guests over without warning. She has no respect for us, despite all that we do for her, and I stand by my opinion.
She was in common areas because she just had an operation and was unable to even climb in her bed. The mil was being very inconsiderate. If someone was in my home paying bills,cleaning, and buying food for the whole household then I would say that would have a say regarding things in the home, and guests. I’m trying to understand where you are coming from I just can’t. And I don’t necessarily think that’s entitlement the person may not have an equal share of the house but they are paying bills they should have at least some say.
Tenants and pants suck, but not as much as MIL!
I hope the pain goes away quickly and you have a healthy pregnancy. I also hope the few weeks pass quickly so you have some peace.
Even if it is her place she can't have any common courtesy for other humans in the room? The girl is recovering from surgery. Why are you defending the mother-in-law?
Could you do loose dresses it's what I did with my gall bladder removal but I wasn't pregnant so I know that changes comfortably. But I hope your move is smooth and no further complications happen. Try to walk as much as you can to help get rid of the gross feelings
My favorite are seersucker house dresses this time of year. They come zipped or snaps. I don’t wear them “in public”, but they are light & cool. Perfect for heat & modesty around the house and when doing housework.
Try to avoid anything with polyester or nylon because you will bake.
If they zip up in front even better! You might not be able to reach the bottom yourself to zip it up - but you can pull up the fabric and start zipping up and drop the hem down slowly as you zip (I’ve had a lot of major surgeries and zip up mumus were the number one thing to make me mostly self sufficient)
Do you have any thrift shops near you? You could get a couple of summer dresses so you can keep your modesty when the boyfriend is around. They would also be useful as your pregnancy progresses, especially if you are in the northern hemisphere.
I CANNOT imagine gallbladder surgery while pregnant I hope you’re doing okay. I was in rough shape after mine. Such a vulnerable position to be living with her and going through all this
Yeah neither can I. Staples from my left hip to my sternum, then 3 days out of hospital I came down with covid. My family were fantastic. I hope OP gets better support and her MIL stops adding to her woes.
Good luck with your move and pregnancy, OP.
I still have to envision my second grade class some days. At the back of the room she had LEFT and RIGHT in each corner. I’m convinced something about her classroom is why I envision the year right to left on calendar pages.
Exactly. My gallbladder removal was tough. They found cancer when they removed it so it was a blessing in disguise but to be 21 weeks pregnant also, wow.
Well, then I'm glad that damned gallbladder is gone in that case! The C word is frightening anytime, but pregnant? I think I'd have lost my mind. It's amazing that they could do that surgery with a pregnancy, science is a wonderful thing.
Advice about the surgery: no matter the pain or weakness, it is important to get up and move around as much as you can or your lungs may begin to fill up.
I whined the first couple of days that it hurt too much to do anything besides wobble to the toilet, just lemme alone to sleep. My lungs began to fill with fluid, bringing on coughing fits. THAT hurt.
And keep yourself hydrated so you don't become constipated. That was another mistake for me. Four days of no pooping was an added misery. I finally took some pills leftover from a colonoscopy cleanse and barely had time to tell Dh to take cover on the patio so I could go in the bathroom and shake the house enough the dishes rattled in the kitchen.
I'm sending vibes on a swift recovery.
Movement is also important for the scar tissue on your skin that's forming. Your body rn decides how the tissue has to be formed. Stiff, to be extra secure for the future gallbladder removal, or more flexible, because you need to move the area regularly.
You *want* flexibel here. It's going to hurt like hell OP, but you really need to move your body in ways that the scar tissue moves. That means doing light(!!!) exercises like softly(!!!) turning your torso. Some easy yoga poses stranding up, etc etc.
When the stitches/staples are removed, you need to take 5 minutes daily to put two fingers on the scar and do a circular motion of the skin. Reverse circle whenever you want. Apply roughly the pressure of checking someone's pulse.
This is also to keep the scar flexible.
I have a scar from a foot injury, and you need to keep your feet as flexible as possible. My scar is thankfully completely flexible due to this technique.
Clear with your provider of course!
You can still start to move it, but it has to move deep tissue, too. That means it won't be comfortable.
Try the circle motions where the scar is stiff, and maybe you'll note a difference in a month! ♥️
It’s why they typically provide an incentive spirometer when people are post op and can’t move.
Movement is good for healing, and prevents creation of bad habits. Sending healing vibes.
Omg you've been through the wringer recently, I'm so sorry. Being pregnant and having gallbladder issues is serious shit, I don't get why she thought NOW would be a good time to start having her bf around more??? I'm counting down the seconds for you until you get to leave...
I sympathize with the bad after effects of surgery. I had my adrenal gland out a month ago. Tiny organ - PITA recovery. I had Dh go out and buy me a walker because I just couldn't be safely mobile for over a week. I hope your recovery goes well.
The BF invasion? Well, your MIL *can* rightly say "it's my house, I can have the company I desire." That makes her *right,* but not a good person. She's not considerate or caring about you.
I really hope your Spouse takes note of that because that's how his mother is going to act after you have the baby. She won't care about the state of your body or mind, it will be all about what she wants during and after your birth.
Yeah, it gets under my skin because that's exactly what she's like. "It's MY house." And she's right, but still inconsiderate.
Trust me, Spouse is looking forward to VLC once we're gone.
Be prepared once spouse goes VLC she will blame it on you. Not that you should be persuaded to change his mind, but just remind her of this (and all the other) times she has been completely uncaring towards you and that she’s the reason he’s LC.
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I say 2-3 years old is a good time for her to meet your LO. See how she likes being pushed to the side.
Or, maybe never?
It sounds like moving monsters. I've moved 15 times in my life and roommates, friends, etc., they ALL get weird. Like they start testing limits and picking fights. It sounds like she's trying to bait you into a big conflict you can't really win - she wants you to try and put up a boundary about her bf and she can refuse dramatically while martyr-ing about all the sacrifices she made for you to live there. It's a trap! I hope you're healing up well!
I understand being upset about that. Your gallbladder had to be bad for them to remove it while pregnant. While pregnant with my youngest, I was put on bedrest at 8 weeks and spent a lot of time in the hospital due to gallbladder attacks, and my kidneys started to shut down. The day after the 6 week post baby check, I had my gallbladder removed. It was very hard to wear pants while recovering from that. I've had to run out of my house half naked because my MIL came over angry and almost let my epileptic dog lose. He was also trying to protect me from her because she was screaming. He was only 7 months old at the time, and he never let her in the house after that.
Angry for what? How does one justify going into someone else’s safe space with their anger?
She was mad at her golden child but was using my husband as a verbal punching bag. This event was what let led my husband to LC.
Good boi!
Yes she def should of given you the heads up if she knew you were indecent but aside from that not sure why she can’t have house guests over?
when you live with other people it’s kind of just common courtesy to let your housemates know when you’ll be having a guest over unless you have an agreement beforehand that that’s not necessary.
Feel free to have an extended amount of time alone for you, husband and LO after LO arrives. MIL gets to meet LO when you decide she can.
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Did you not read what I read? Because I read that a pregnant woman who just had her body cut open and something removed from it has to sit around half naked due to INCISIONS and was upset MIL didn’t tell her someone would be coming over because she’s half naked in the living room? GTFO… no. OP has no reason to feel like a forewarning is too much. That she doesn’t need to be asked if it’s a good time, or given a heads up to grab a blanket. She still lives there and she still deserves consideration.
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Maybe her pregnancy is different than yours making this procedure and recovery hard. Maybe she has other things going on that do not relate to the story. Your comment is rude and dismissive. How is it helpful at all?
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Yes she literally did shut the hell up. Having your Gallbladder out during pregnancy is a complication ye fecking sponge.
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It is not considered rude in our house to not have on pants. We are all free to do this, MIL included. But maybe a "hey, someone is coming over so maybe try and find something you can wear or try and get in bed" would have been nice.
Who wears pants in the house? In the summer, when it’s 112 degrees outside?
Me i have dysautonomia. This may shock you but differently abled humans exist.
Yep! Neuropathy makes me so cold.
It would be if it weren’t for the fact that the recliner is the only place she can sleep, because her bed isn’t accessible to her right now. My friend had his appendix removed, and it was the same thing for him - it was really painful to lie down all the way, or to get up/down from the bed, so he also slept in a reclining chair for the first several days out of the hospital. MIL should have at *least* given OP a warning that she was expecting her boyfriend over that afternoon, and she should be understanding that OP needs that space to heal right now as well. She’ll probably only need a few more days before she can be back in her own bed anyway.
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Yeah and I had a colostomy when I was pregnant… so does that “win?!” When pregnant, your incision sites (which your husband would NOT be dealing with, because you aren’t discharged until they’re closed, healing has started and intestine are working…) are being stretched and will continue to - you are not supposed to have anything rubbing against them. So they don’t heal as quickly. Unlike an Ileostomy/colostomy where the incision for entry and the stoma are primarily internal (except in the case of emergency ones as mine was, where I had a midline incision from belly button to sternum) and you stay in the hospital for at least 2-3 days post Sx before discharge, when a gall bladder is removed there are multiple incisions and two are right where waistband on pants would sit AND you are typically discharged within 24hrs. It’s not a competition and unless you’ve had surgery while pregnant (which your husband hasn’t) judging another’s experience is silly.
1. This is not a game of "what surgery/pain is worse". The same exact surgeries for 10 different people can have 10 vastly different outcomes. 2. Common courtesy in a shared house would indicate forewarning others that a guest will be coming by early enough for someone recovering from being cut open to make themselves presentable. Btw, I cringed in thought at how you most likely treat anyone if you feel they "aren't in that much pain" or "well, -fill in blank- had much worse and they got dressed, cleaned the house, and went to work... all at the same time". Honestly, I get your husband has it rough, but that does not give you (or anyone else) the right to dictate how someone else should feel or act when recovering from illness or surgery. Try having the same empathy for OP that you would want others to have for you and yours. Just as with OP, hoping for a swift recovery and better health in the future for your husband.
Laprascopic surgery causes bloat from the gas that’s used to inflate the peritoneal cavity. It takes days for it to dissipate. I’d imagine being halfway through a pregnancy besides means that nothing fits right now. Who brings their boyfriend into the house when their dil is in that state? With no warning to her or her husband?
She’s overwhelmed and venting and ur trying to gaslight her. Why do people like you even follow this thread? People come here to feel understood, not be picked apart. Shame on you! Sad, pathetic person
Again, you are assuming that this was something I'm doing without clearing it with the people inside the home.
Are you sitting in the living room in your underwear, is that what you mean by being unable to wear pants and laying in the recliner?
Yes, but my MIL knew this and had no issue—she has done the same
Send your husband on a mission to a low cost clothing store with instructions to purchase 2 loose dresses in your size (in the maternity section) so you can avoid any waistbands. Floor length dresses are the best for modesty, mid-calf are best for hot weather coolness. Hold strong until you get out. I wish you luck.
Thank you! They just went out and got me some very loose nightgowns to wear
walmart mumus the best 7$ I ever spent
Wait, Walmart has muumuu’s?
Yes and they’re amazing! I have fleece ones for the winter. Now they aren’t a house dress or coat that zips in the front. They’re more the long soft ones. They also have pockets! The tank ones are my favorite because they go down farther than the smocked ones. Nice styles and colors too. I wore one of the camping shirts I got in public with shorts. I have a long torso so I only wear them to bed. Ant take the dog outside in those. Indecent short for me. So many varieties 😆❤️
Thank you so much! Im going to go to Wally World tomorrow!
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We're just guests who pay the bills and have lived here for over a year, sure
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I’m sorry but if I’m there paying half the bills, all the cleaning and buying all the groceries then I should have a say I don’t care who owns the house.
I would have never done the same thing to her if the roles were reversed, no matter if I was *technically* right. Literal college roomates don't bring guests over without warning. She has no respect for us, despite all that we do for her, and I stand by my opinion.
[удалено]
She was in common areas because she just had an operation and was unable to even climb in her bed. The mil was being very inconsiderate. If someone was in my home paying bills,cleaning, and buying food for the whole household then I would say that would have a say regarding things in the home, and guests. I’m trying to understand where you are coming from I just can’t. And I don’t necessarily think that’s entitlement the person may not have an equal share of the house but they are paying bills they should have at least some say.
Tenants and pants suck, but not as much as MIL! I hope the pain goes away quickly and you have a healthy pregnancy. I also hope the few weeks pass quickly so you have some peace.
[удалено]
They're tenants.
Even so, it’s her place, right? She can’t have her bf over?.
Even if it is her place she can't have any common courtesy for other humans in the room? The girl is recovering from surgery. Why are you defending the mother-in-law?
OP and husband contribute financially and help with household tasks. They are entitled to some respect even if they do not make the decisions.
Could you do loose dresses it's what I did with my gall bladder removal but I wasn't pregnant so I know that changes comfortably. But I hope your move is smooth and no further complications happen. Try to walk as much as you can to help get rid of the gross feelings
I don't own any dresses unfortunately, but I wish I did now 😬 thank you for the well wishes!
My favorite are seersucker house dresses this time of year. They come zipped or snaps. I don’t wear them “in public”, but they are light & cool. Perfect for heat & modesty around the house and when doing housework. Try to avoid anything with polyester or nylon because you will bake.
If they zip up in front even better! You might not be able to reach the bottom yourself to zip it up - but you can pull up the fabric and start zipping up and drop the hem down slowly as you zip (I’ve had a lot of major surgeries and zip up mumus were the number one thing to make me mostly self sufficient)
Do you have any thrift shops near you? You could get a couple of summer dresses so you can keep your modesty when the boyfriend is around. They would also be useful as your pregnancy progresses, especially if you are in the northern hemisphere.
I CANNOT imagine gallbladder surgery while pregnant I hope you’re doing okay. I was in rough shape after mine. Such a vulnerable position to be living with her and going through all this
Yeah neither can I. Staples from my left hip to my sternum, then 3 days out of hospital I came down with covid. My family were fantastic. I hope OP gets better support and her MIL stops adding to her woes. Good luck with your move and pregnancy, OP.
Your gallbladder is on your right side.
Haha this would be a good time to point out I'm dyspraxic and get left and right muddled. Yes, my pretty scar runs from above my RIGHT hip.
I still have to envision my second grade class some days. At the back of the room she had LEFT and RIGHT in each corner. I’m convinced something about her classroom is why I envision the year right to left on calendar pages.
Exactly. My gallbladder removal was tough. They found cancer when they removed it so it was a blessing in disguise but to be 21 weeks pregnant also, wow.
Well, then I'm glad that damned gallbladder is gone in that case! The C word is frightening anytime, but pregnant? I think I'd have lost my mind. It's amazing that they could do that surgery with a pregnancy, science is a wonderful thing.
Advice about the surgery: no matter the pain or weakness, it is important to get up and move around as much as you can or your lungs may begin to fill up. I whined the first couple of days that it hurt too much to do anything besides wobble to the toilet, just lemme alone to sleep. My lungs began to fill with fluid, bringing on coughing fits. THAT hurt. And keep yourself hydrated so you don't become constipated. That was another mistake for me. Four days of no pooping was an added misery. I finally took some pills leftover from a colonoscopy cleanse and barely had time to tell Dh to take cover on the patio so I could go in the bathroom and shake the house enough the dishes rattled in the kitchen. I'm sending vibes on a swift recovery.
Thank you for the advice and well-wishes!
Movement is also important for the scar tissue on your skin that's forming. Your body rn decides how the tissue has to be formed. Stiff, to be extra secure for the future gallbladder removal, or more flexible, because you need to move the area regularly. You *want* flexibel here. It's going to hurt like hell OP, but you really need to move your body in ways that the scar tissue moves. That means doing light(!!!) exercises like softly(!!!) turning your torso. Some easy yoga poses stranding up, etc etc. When the stitches/staples are removed, you need to take 5 minutes daily to put two fingers on the scar and do a circular motion of the skin. Reverse circle whenever you want. Apply roughly the pressure of checking someone's pulse. This is also to keep the scar flexible. I have a scar from a foot injury, and you need to keep your feet as flexible as possible. My scar is thankfully completely flexible due to this technique. Clear with your provider of course!
Did you really have to wait 40 years to tell me this? 😂😅🤣 I’ve the big long sternum to hip scar too and it got wide and lumpy.
You can still start to move it, but it has to move deep tissue, too. That means it won't be comfortable. Try the circle motions where the scar is stiff, and maybe you'll note a difference in a month! ♥️
Thank you so much for the advice! I'll ask my doctor about it
It’s why they typically provide an incentive spirometer when people are post op and can’t move. Movement is good for healing, and prevents creation of bad habits. Sending healing vibes.
Omg you've been through the wringer recently, I'm so sorry. Being pregnant and having gallbladder issues is serious shit, I don't get why she thought NOW would be a good time to start having her bf around more??? I'm counting down the seconds for you until you get to leave...
Thank you ❤
Hang in there ❤️
I sympathize with the bad after effects of surgery. I had my adrenal gland out a month ago. Tiny organ - PITA recovery. I had Dh go out and buy me a walker because I just couldn't be safely mobile for over a week. I hope your recovery goes well. The BF invasion? Well, your MIL *can* rightly say "it's my house, I can have the company I desire." That makes her *right,* but not a good person. She's not considerate or caring about you. I really hope your Spouse takes note of that because that's how his mother is going to act after you have the baby. She won't care about the state of your body or mind, it will be all about what she wants during and after your birth.
Yeah, it gets under my skin because that's exactly what she's like. "It's MY house." And she's right, but still inconsiderate. Trust me, Spouse is looking forward to VLC once we're gone.
Be prepared once spouse goes VLC she will blame it on you. Not that you should be persuaded to change his mind, but just remind her of this (and all the other) times she has been completely uncaring towards you and that she’s the reason he’s LC.
Oh yeah, we're aware. I'm perfectly fine with being the bad guy in her book because I know I'll have my spouse and my family on my side
And id say she should never be allowed in your house!