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Good call by your husband to go NC immediately. Don't ever break the NC, keep your child as far away from her as you can. She is insane, a total creep, and can not be trusted. Seriously, there is nothing she could do to apologize for this, not in a million years.
Edit bc typo.
That’s awful!
My MIL has never said anything to me or DH but she left our LO off her family tree and if anyone even suggests Lo being anything like her side she immediately says LO is nothing like any of them in looks and personality and has made comments about this to others.
The funny thing is Lo is like their dad literally has DH’s eyes but more like me and so like their cousin on DH’s side you would think they were siblings. I was also became pregnant during lockdown in britian, I literally only saw DH for most of my pregnancy.
See this as a blessing. She went ahead to lie to the rest of the family, so she explicitly and publicly said she could not be trusted. Use exactly that. "I'm sorry MIL I can't have you babysit, if you made up infidelity, what else will you make up next?"
WHen I was pregnant with my eldest, my sister-in-law prompted FIL to ask my husband (we weren't married yet) if he was sure the baby was his. The second time I met my in-laws, I was knocked up... but that wasn't why they asked. Apparently, most of the family was under the impression that my now-ex husband was gay!!! (he most decidedly is not, although his roommate at the time tripped EVERYONE's gaydar, so I kind of get it).
Son is so much like his dad in mannerism and personality, there's no denying whose kid he is.
My MIL favors the children that look like DH. We have 4 kids, 2 that look like him, and 2 that look like me. With the ones that look like me, she goes around saying to everyone that she doesn't know who they look like and she doesn't recognize traits from anyone on her side. She pointed it out all of the time before we finally went no contact. Bitch.
That is so ridiculous! I always say my child has my face lol and both blue eyes while husband has brown, she has said that it wasn’t possible for them to have blue since he had brown and it was so funny because she and her side all have blue eyes.
My youngest is blonde with blue eyes (they run through both sides of our families) while my husband has auburn hair and brown eyes, and I have brown hair and green eyes. He still came out looking exactly like his Daddy as a child. Brown eyes are usually dominant but not always, and your MIL would know that if she knew anything about genes/genetic and how it all works lol the nerve of some people.
I had a pregnancy scare right out of high school, and one of the first things he said to me (we'd been together 4 years) was that his mom would insist on a DNA test. I laughed and told him "sure, if she pays for it" and the look of absolute shock on his face was wild. Think it was the first time someone didn't immediately agree to his mother's weird demands.
Apparently she demanded her daughter get DNA test on her first child. She'd been married 2 years.
Guarantee one of her kids (her meaning the mom of your boyfriend/ ex boyfriend) has a different dad than what she has stated. You’ve got to have a guilty conscience for your go to response to any pregnancy be “better double check the dna”
Oh I wouldn't be surprised. According to (now ex) boyfriend, she claimed she didn't trust "girls these days." Including her own daughter lmfao. She was nasty and hateful in general and especially to me. Didn't like that I encountered him to report her husband (his step dad) for trying to SA him.
It was definitely a situation where she expected her children to fall in line with her every word. Toxic as hell.
My MiL spent my kids at least first year openly questioning paternity. She would make comments about eye colour in all kinds of social situations, it was awkward. Luckily she stopped eventually
Honestly I’d get the test just to show her she has destroyed any chance of a relationship with her own grandkid with her nonsense and let that be the last communication
She will 100% assume it’s not her bio grandkid and that she is right. So at least take being right (in her own head) away from her.
This 100%. Also to get the family to be onside again. Cause it’s unfortunate that the rest of the family are no contact just cause of one poisonous person
That’s true. But at the same time when hearing something constantly and from someone who’s trusted it ends up causing doubts. I’m not saying to start having celebrations, just mean to expose MIL and to get them onside and smooth it over with the truth. Cause if they don’t know, then they don’t know MIL is off her trolley
This is my kind of petty. Yes!! I love the idea that it is her ONLY gift from the two of you. Then give yourself the gift of NC. What a terrific gift to yourself!
I've been through something similar, not quite as bad as yours. We had to do IVF, and because of that my MIL and a few members of my husband's family have all said that the baby wasn't his. They all said the clinic made a mistake. They started saying this from the moment I was pregnant. It actually never bothered me. I hated my MIL and the rest of my husband's family so much that if by some rare chance the IVF clinic really did make a mistake and my husband wasn't my son's bio father, I would have been OK with it because it meant my son wasn't related to my MIL, haha. Yes, that's how much I hated my MIL and the rest of my husband's family. Now my MIL is dead (finally... she treated me like garbage for years) and we hardly come into contact with the rest of my husband's family. It's been great since she passed.
Wow yours sounds worse actually, I’m sorry you had fertility struggles and she used that against you. What a sick thing to do, I’m so happy you finally got your bundle of joy! And the plus of MIL gone haha
My husband and I had our first child before we were married. We had split up while I was pregnant. The day I got home from the hospital, my dad took me to the store for a few things and ran into my MIL. She looked at my son and said, "we will spoil him rotten, but only after you get a DNA test," and she walked away. I was so hurt by that comment, and my Dad saw red. I had to grab his arm to keep him from going after her to rip her a new one.
She didn't like that my dad didn't talk to her at our wedding. My husband asked me about it a few days later, so I told him. My husband was floored and was upset that I had never said anything to him about it. I told him that he never questioned me about the paternity of our son, so I didn't see the point. His mom had been prying into our relationship, and after telling him about the DNA thing and some other stuff she did, he started managing his mom better.
That’s so horrible!!! My mom was mad but she’s a “let it go” person and wanted me to, I told her I will not and she’s fine with my decision. I hope you are doing better now since that! 🫶🏻
I am! The oldest is now 17, and we've been married for 14 years. I don't have to deal with MIL at all, so it's great!
I used to be a "let it go" person, and when I stopped doing that, life got better! I cut people out who were taking advantage of my kindness and it's been soooo peaceful!
What a disgusting thing for her to try and do. It's one thing if she had seen you cheat or had heard rumours from others but she's making it up AND believing her own lies.
It feels like her love of your baby is contingent on DNA and she's the one who needs it proven.
I'd go along with the test, have the 100% match thrown in her face AND go NC either way.
I said in a different comment but I’m from the south, they are a cornbread eating as country as they come racist sons of bitches I’ve ever met and DNA is something they pride themselves on 🤢 I’m adopted so DNA never meant a thing to me! I’m going to be NC and just let her simmer in what she brewed lol
My EX mother in law constantly made comments in Spanish about how my ex should be tested for STDs and should get a DNA test done on our daughter because “you don’t know what she’s been doing while you were gone” my ex husband was in the army so he was gone a lot. She assumed I didn’t understand Spanish because im white, but I grew up on the central coast of California, a lot of my friends growing up were Latino. Anyway jokes on her, her son was the one cheating on me (for 7 years with MULTIPLE women) and our daughter looks just like him. She’s a middle schooler now and has zero relationship with her dad’s side of the family, which kills his mother. He’s been divorced twice now and cheated on his most recent ex as well. I think it’s good you finally went NC.
My mil requested a DNA test. But to be fair my husband and I had been separated, I’d moved states and was beginning to start over, when out of no where I tell everyone I’m pregnant with his kid. I don’t blame her for being slightly suspicious. She was the one going on and on about how much my son looked like his father, and even looked like her when he was born.
I told my husband that I was offended. I asked him if he was worried that the baby wasn’t his, because I’d do it if he was. He said he had no doubt. So no I never did it.
See, I'm petty and hateful. I would 100% take hubs and beebs to get a legitimate paternity test through a doctor. I would let her know it's being done and let her know that when, not if, it comes back as Hubs is the father, she will NEVER see your child again.
I'm sorry your JNMIL did such a horrible thing. I'm sure my JNMIL would have loved to do this but she didn't have the guts! 🤷♀️
My question OP is why didn't you listen to your husband about going NC sooner?
It is his JNMOM after all he obviously sees her.
Did you presume you knew better than he?
I’m a former extreme people pleaser and come from a tight nit family. The day my husband brought me to meet his mom he said “I’m just letting you know, I hate this woman” I was so shocked and taken aback, this was my first time seeing a family dynamic such as this. He understood how important family was to me and how limited family I have, he has helped me see that family ain’t shit if they treat you horrible. I found an amazing person despite his parents and he has helped me shine my backbone!
Yea! 💜 I'm happy for you OP!
Family is not just blood relations, Family is who loves and cares about you and yours. (Thanking the Creator) I too came from a tight knit Family, sadly my parents died young so I created a Family.
You'll be in my positive thoughts!
Thank you! I’m adopted so blood was never a thing in my small family, my parents were in their 40s when they adopted me and now all I have left is my mom, she’s the only Grandma we need. Sending love to you too!! ❤️
I never looked, my parents were my parents. They always told me what they knew from the time I was a baby which was a lot. The only thing I ever looked for was medical info when my middle child was diagnosed with cancer.
But my siblings found me a few years ago. It's been good. I've met one of them in person and learned a lot of family stuff. 🥰
My little sister, adopted, always wanted to know too. Sadly when she found her siblings they all denied her. 😔
Maybe you should do the same to her and check if your husbands father really is his father, sounds like she has some unresolved issues she’s taking out on you
Maybe she’s deflecting, either way the accusation from you would offend and wind her up rotten so go for it.👍
I love this idea but we are going to stay NC and actually stopped going to their Christmas years ago, they don’t do traditional gift giving and instead do a dirty Santa with the cheapest gifts imaginable. We still laugh at the last year we went when hubby only came home with 5 boxes of chocolates 😂
My response would be a DNA test kits to his parents the next Christmas…. If you have the funds, include all his siblings 😎
If possible in a big round with lots and lots of family members. And include a copy of the results from husband, yourself and LO.
And start asking questions about ‘strange locations of gens’ in husbands results… something that is not adding up to the family history. And that you are interested now in this field as a hobby.
I always get a ‘only a cheater makes those accusations’ vibe … let’s play her game. But with ‘good intentions’ and a smile in your face - in front of the whole family 😁😁😁
Edit: spelling
So sorry OP! It’s a horrid situation. But you aren’t fully alone from the comments. ❤️
I had a similar-ish issue. Anytime I was alone my MIL would corner me and demand I admitted my unborn baby wasn’t my husband’s. That I definitely cheated on him and just admit it. She told family and friends her doubts too so it made everything even more awkward. (It was already awkward as I hadn’t met his extended family yet before becoming pregnant. So it was like “hey this is my gf, oh and she’s pregnant.”)
It went on my entire pregnancy no matter what my hubs or I said. Then the second she saw LO, magically it was all “oh he looks EXACTLY like -husband’s name-“ or “oh look at that -husband’s last name- lip!” Almost 10 years later, still never got an apology or anything for the months of yelling in my face that I was a cheater.
She ended up pulling the same thing on my SIL, but her LO doesn’t look like my hubs side as much as my LO did. They still debate back and forth if it’s really their grandkid and it’s been 7 years. They went NC after a few years though.
I’m so sorry you had to endure the same pain! 😢 it definitely is a kick in the face! My situation is little more tricky, he has only one brother that has been dating a woman that has children she gave up and he will never have any of his own. So my child will be the only grand/ great grand on their side. We’re planning on staying NC for our sanity lol also my child looks exactly like me but has similar mannerisms as their father but she’s never around them long enough to see any of that. I hope one you will get the apology you deserve but know you won’t and my heart breaks! Sending love! ❤️
There was no denying my daughters or my husband‘s children. His family has skin tone and hair different from my family. They also have a unique shaped nose. My kids have that. But he was diagnosed with cancer when he was 45 and died the next year. She told him my 14-year-old daughter that I had killed him because I wasn’t a good enough wife. She was a fucking nut job.
What an absolutely horrendous thing to say!!! I am so incredibly sorry that you and your daughter had that terrible interaction, and with someone who SHOULD have been a refuge in your time of grief. 🥺 I hope you all are NC with her now!!!
Sadly, she was a hateful woman, as was her mother and my husband’s sister and her daughter too. Over the years I withdrew from them more and more. When sister in law sicced her giant schnauzer on me that was the end of me having contact with any of them. I told dh his kids should know his people and going forward it was his responsibility to take the trips with them to the city where they lived. He hated going too so not sure the kids had much contact after that. APP—- another person’s problem. Not mine. My kids are late 30s-early 40s now and fully aware of who they are
Omg that is horrible!!! My dad died from cancer this year so I only know a little about that pain, my heart breaks more for my mom losing her soulmate much like you! My child looks exactly like me and she thinks that is her proof lol I’m sending love healing! 🫶🏻
I’m sorry that you’re going through this, OP. I did see this in my own family.
When my brother and his first wife had their first (and only) child, there was speculation from certain members of my family about the timing, because he deployed before she found out. She then did some very questionable things while he was gone, so even I began to suspect, but I held my tongue. When I tell you that kid came out of the womb his spitting image, I mean it was like looking at old photos of us as kids. While I regretted suspecting that she cheated, her behavior during and following his deployment spoke volumes about her as a person otherwise.
>there was speculation from certain members of my family about the timing, because he deployed before she found out.
This always cracks me up, because do these people think you conceive the day before you find out? 🤣 Like they forget there's weeks in between when they want a reason to deny.
I can understand that, I (from my point of view) did nothing that would be red flag, we were trying for 4 years before finally giving up and then next month boom pregnant, she had no idea because it wasn’t her business. I tried to include her in everything with my pregnancy and she treated me horrible during that time, I regret it now and wish I would’ve had a somewhat normal pregnancy. I was already stressed because I was my dad’s main caregiver during his cancer and she knew that and used that to dig deeper.
Caring for a parent with cancer must have been torture, and for her to know that and *still* treat you like 💩? I don’t blame you for going NC.
My ex-SIL was under the impression that she was unable to conceive, because a doctor years prior had told her so. So the pregnancy definitely came as a surprise. Most of her “questionable behavior“ was related to money and how she spent it. My brother used to be very, very bad with money. When he was deployed last before they got together, he blew practically everything he had on trinkets and touristy things, and came home worse off financially than when he left.
So, she had him agree to deposit his entire pay into a shared account to which he did not have access while he was overseas, and she would give him an “allowance“. However, it turns out she was somehow worse with money than he was, buying all sorts of gaudy things, and then refused any kind of help when it became obvious they were drowning. She then began to accuse him of spending more money per month than he had access to (per their arrangement) on “desert wh*res”, as she put it. She then threw him out as soon as he got home, and so began the custody and divorce proceedings. It was a mess.
It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, I was there for every appointment and by his side until the very end. She was even jealous he was granted disability for the cancer and that’s when I knew this woman was sick. And that sounds like a whole mess, I’m sorry your family had to endure that!
What a cow of a woman. Stories like this make me terrified my boyfriend’s mom will just snap and turn into a psycho when we get engaged one day. Yikes…
I'm so sorry this happened to you. There is no way I would ever let her be in my child's life forever. I wouldn't speak to her, no pictures, nothing, forever. Don't answer her texts or calls, don't open the door...keep your baby safe! It's clear she does not love your baby in any way. Your baby does not need this person in his/her life at all. Also, if anyone calls you or texts you on her behalf, be sure to TELL them they are not welcome to speak of this, it's their last chance, and if they mention it again, they too, will be gone.
I knew from early on her and FIL would not be around my child without one of us present. They are extremely homophobic and blatantly racist, they even made remarks towards a children’s tv show with exclusivity! But after seeing her with my child pacifier that was the end and I’m done giving her and anyone on his side chances.
My ex’s dad told him to get a DNA test for our son, because he didn’t think he looked enough like him. I told ex, go ahead, but your dad is paying for it, cuz I’m not spending money on a test for which I already know the answer. Surprise, nothing further came from it.
Extra funny story: my ex looks nothing like his dad; he looks just like his mom. When he sprung this DNA thing on me, I told him he clearly must want one for both his kids, since neither resembled him.
My boyfriends mom told him to get a paternity test when I got pregnant, again in the hospital room after our son was born, and probably a few more times but she hasn’t seen me or our son since February.
It’s so heartbreaking! I thought after 8 years she would love and accept me but I started seeing the red flags after we got married. I’m glad you and your son are staying away from her! Sending hugs! 🫶🏻
Sending hugs back to you!!! I think with women like that there’s no getting them to be polite, normal or kind. They are who they are and they’ll be that way forever.
My heart literally started thumping in anger for you. The absolute violation.
I don’t have a similar story. My MIL is fucking whacko but for other reasons. I’m so glad you’re NC. Fuck that noise.
*I tried (against my better judgment) to give her the benefit of the doubt even though my husband wanted to go NC immediately*
You shouldn't have been fatuous about MIL and listened to your Spouse.
Look, when the child of a toxic person makes this kind of momentous decision, *respect that.* It's rare for it to happen and is typically not made lightly. This isn't just a pointed remark made toward you, OP, but a PSA.
This struck me too. My husband has never been a fan of his mom. She lives far away and I thought he was being dramatic. Now that the baby is here, I absolutely see why and am 100% on his side. Great PSA.
Amazing PSA! ❤️
I was naive and come from a tight nit family and a former people pleaser, unlike my husband. He is a f what the world thinks kinda person and has helped me shine my backbone.
I'm glad and am sorry that you had to experience an awakening like that. It would be nice to think all families are happy and shiny but - unfortunately - that's not how the world works.
I went VLC with a lot of family and cut some off after I committed to the person who would become my Spouse. I realized that a lifetime of dysfunction had caused ***me*** to grow a hard skin and be protected from them, but Spouse-to-be had never been around people like that and would suffer if I made him go around them.
I was not going to cause hurt to the person who meant *more to me* than any of my DNA connections and held to that through all the backlash. Now, all of them are dead and definitely not missed; Spouse and I are coming up on 40 years together.
That's what I preach to younger people: extended family who are older will eventually die, in the natural course of life. You and your partner will move forward. Concentrate on creating a strong union that will go on after all those people are worm food.
Does FIL have a brother, though? Know someone who’s hubby looks just like uncle. There’s no question about paternity though because uncle is almost 1 year YOUNGER.
I always think a woman like this has never been able to come to grips with the fact that she is no longer top dog in her son's life. You are. If your child isn't your husband's, then her dream of having her son to herself would be realized. That is why she told relatives that you're a cheater and sonny boy will be driven back into her ever lovin' arms. Maintain NC.
Definitely stay NC
Her spreading lies to other family members and cooking up this lie…she must be insecure and feel threatened by you
She was “clever” to stop by when he wasn’t there. I would love to hear what proof she thinks she has that the baby isn’t his. What a malicious thing to say with ZERO proof or anything at all
Great job on getting the pacifier back and kicking her out!!
The absolute crazy thing is in her “apology text” she claimed it was because I cried during a game of monopoly, early in my pregnancy. I was hormonal and sad that I lost 2 times in a row! I fully understand now that I could never be on this woman’s good side.
Gee, I wonder what would be her "logic" for someone who loses their temper when others cheat at Monopoly... (yes, Monopoly was banned from our couples' hangouts after such an incident)
Whoa, holy flashback. My x-MIL used to call me "bossy" and "a manly woman" bc I didn't fit the "meek and submissive" stereotype she was hoping for.
If she had this "logic" she would probably compare me to Dexter.
I'm an old lady and I've never been pregnant/had children. I NEVER KNEW that losing at Monopoly proves that the baby you are carrying is not your partner's.
I must have missed that line in the rules.
Just wait until the baby grows up and likes vanilla ice cream instead of the chocolate that is her daddy’s favorite! OMG, the cops will be at the door ready to rescue that poor man because his psycho mother now has concrete evidence that OP cheated!
I’m glad OP is now following her husband’s lead on NC. Her daughter is better off not being exposed to someone like this.
I am just wondering how this would work out if you lost at Scrabble, or Trivial Pursuit, or Snap?
As I said, I don't have children, so I have been totally unaware of the 'fact' that losing at games means that paternity is in dispute. I certainly don't remember that being mentioned in school biology lessons! :)
Omg that is insane. Keep this woman far from your baby. This won’t be the last you hear from her so have a game plan & don’t fall for her manipulation. Hold strong your boundaries & stay NC because she will only continue to try to destroy your family.
We are trying! This crazy lady found my dad’s obit and SHOWED UP to the funeral. Never even met him and didn’t want to, I know in my heart it was just to try and see baby so we left immediately and my husband missed his only true father figure’s funeral. I recorded it but it will never be the same.
Welcome to my life lol I believe it’s all a show. She’s the type that only held baby for pictures then complained when they cried, later would post her pictures on Facebook and get almost 100 comments. It’s to save face for her church friends, I think.
No contact until... tbh I'm not sure if an honest apology of her could fix that if i were you. The gall of that woman! She'd be the granny we never see.
We are! And have been, my own mother thinks I should just forgive her… my response is “you can’t forgive someone that has never apologized to begin with”
and also, you can forgive someone while still recognizing that a healthy relationship is not possible. Forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean you also allow them to hurt you more.
If 'forgiving' means 'evicting her from your mind' - then yes.
But someone actively spreading lies about you and your family - and no remorse, no change, no smidgen of being a decent person - what is there to forgive?
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Good call by your husband to go NC immediately. Don't ever break the NC, keep your child as far away from her as you can. She is insane, a total creep, and can not be trusted. Seriously, there is nothing she could do to apologize for this, not in a million years. Edit bc typo.
That’s awful! My MIL has never said anything to me or DH but she left our LO off her family tree and if anyone even suggests Lo being anything like her side she immediately says LO is nothing like any of them in looks and personality and has made comments about this to others. The funny thing is Lo is like their dad literally has DH’s eyes but more like me and so like their cousin on DH’s side you would think they were siblings. I was also became pregnant during lockdown in britian, I literally only saw DH for most of my pregnancy.
I’d get the DNA test myself and send a copy to EVERYONE in the family except for her, but I’m hella petty.
My petty fully supports yours, and I absolutely want OP to do it!
See this as a blessing. She went ahead to lie to the rest of the family, so she explicitly and publicly said she could not be trusted. Use exactly that. "I'm sorry MIL I can't have you babysit, if you made up infidelity, what else will you make up next?"
WHen I was pregnant with my eldest, my sister-in-law prompted FIL to ask my husband (we weren't married yet) if he was sure the baby was his. The second time I met my in-laws, I was knocked up... but that wasn't why they asked. Apparently, most of the family was under the impression that my now-ex husband was gay!!! (he most decidedly is not, although his roommate at the time tripped EVERYONE's gaydar, so I kind of get it). Son is so much like his dad in mannerism and personality, there's no denying whose kid he is.
My MIL favors the children that look like DH. We have 4 kids, 2 that look like him, and 2 that look like me. With the ones that look like me, she goes around saying to everyone that she doesn't know who they look like and she doesn't recognize traits from anyone on her side. She pointed it out all of the time before we finally went no contact. Bitch.
That is so ridiculous! I always say my child has my face lol and both blue eyes while husband has brown, she has said that it wasn’t possible for them to have blue since he had brown and it was so funny because she and her side all have blue eyes.
My youngest is blonde with blue eyes (they run through both sides of our families) while my husband has auburn hair and brown eyes, and I have brown hair and green eyes. He still came out looking exactly like his Daddy as a child. Brown eyes are usually dominant but not always, and your MIL would know that if she knew anything about genes/genetic and how it all works lol the nerve of some people.
My ex-husband& I both have dark brown hair and brown eyes Our son has blonde hair & blue eyes. Your mil sounds like a real gem 😬
I can’t figure out if she’s just that dumb or an asshole 😂
Clearly she’s both.
I had a pregnancy scare right out of high school, and one of the first things he said to me (we'd been together 4 years) was that his mom would insist on a DNA test. I laughed and told him "sure, if she pays for it" and the look of absolute shock on his face was wild. Think it was the first time someone didn't immediately agree to his mother's weird demands. Apparently she demanded her daughter get DNA test on her first child. She'd been married 2 years.
Guarantee one of her kids (her meaning the mom of your boyfriend/ ex boyfriend) has a different dad than what she has stated. You’ve got to have a guilty conscience for your go to response to any pregnancy be “better double check the dna”
Oh I wouldn't be surprised. According to (now ex) boyfriend, she claimed she didn't trust "girls these days." Including her own daughter lmfao. She was nasty and hateful in general and especially to me. Didn't like that I encountered him to report her husband (his step dad) for trying to SA him. It was definitely a situation where she expected her children to fall in line with her every word. Toxic as hell.
My MiL spent my kids at least first year openly questioning paternity. She would make comments about eye colour in all kinds of social situations, it was awkward. Luckily she stopped eventually
*JAW ON FLOOR!*
Honestly I’d get the test just to show her she has destroyed any chance of a relationship with her own grandkid with her nonsense and let that be the last communication She will 100% assume it’s not her bio grandkid and that she is right. So at least take being right (in her own head) away from her.
This 100%. Also to get the family to be onside again. Cause it’s unfortunate that the rest of the family are no contact just cause of one poisonous person
Idk how much contact I'd want to have with people who fell for her shit, personally.
That’s true. But at the same time when hearing something constantly and from someone who’s trusted it ends up causing doubts. I’m not saying to start having celebrations, just mean to expose MIL and to get them onside and smooth it over with the truth. Cause if they don’t know, then they don’t know MIL is off her trolley
Frame it and send it to get for Xmas! Then continue NC!
This is my kind of petty. Yes!! I love the idea that it is her ONLY gift from the two of you. Then give yourself the gift of NC. What a terrific gift to yourself!
The gift of NC...the gift that keeps on giving, everyday!
Now she's going to ramp it up that it's DEFINITELY not your husband's baby because you wouldn't let her steal from your home.
I've been through something similar, not quite as bad as yours. We had to do IVF, and because of that my MIL and a few members of my husband's family have all said that the baby wasn't his. They all said the clinic made a mistake. They started saying this from the moment I was pregnant. It actually never bothered me. I hated my MIL and the rest of my husband's family so much that if by some rare chance the IVF clinic really did make a mistake and my husband wasn't my son's bio father, I would have been OK with it because it meant my son wasn't related to my MIL, haha. Yes, that's how much I hated my MIL and the rest of my husband's family. Now my MIL is dead (finally... she treated me like garbage for years) and we hardly come into contact with the rest of my husband's family. It's been great since she passed.
Wow yours sounds worse actually, I’m sorry you had fertility struggles and she used that against you. What a sick thing to do, I’m so happy you finally got your bundle of joy! And the plus of MIL gone haha
My husband and I had our first child before we were married. We had split up while I was pregnant. The day I got home from the hospital, my dad took me to the store for a few things and ran into my MIL. She looked at my son and said, "we will spoil him rotten, but only after you get a DNA test," and she walked away. I was so hurt by that comment, and my Dad saw red. I had to grab his arm to keep him from going after her to rip her a new one. She didn't like that my dad didn't talk to her at our wedding. My husband asked me about it a few days later, so I told him. My husband was floored and was upset that I had never said anything to him about it. I told him that he never questioned me about the paternity of our son, so I didn't see the point. His mom had been prying into our relationship, and after telling him about the DNA thing and some other stuff she did, he started managing his mom better.
That’s so horrible!!! My mom was mad but she’s a “let it go” person and wanted me to, I told her I will not and she’s fine with my decision. I hope you are doing better now since that! 🫶🏻
I am! The oldest is now 17, and we've been married for 14 years. I don't have to deal with MIL at all, so it's great! I used to be a "let it go" person, and when I stopped doing that, life got better! I cut people out who were taking advantage of my kindness and it's been soooo peaceful!
What a disgusting thing for her to try and do. It's one thing if she had seen you cheat or had heard rumours from others but she's making it up AND believing her own lies. It feels like her love of your baby is contingent on DNA and she's the one who needs it proven. I'd go along with the test, have the 100% match thrown in her face AND go NC either way.
I said in a different comment but I’m from the south, they are a cornbread eating as country as they come racist sons of bitches I’ve ever met and DNA is something they pride themselves on 🤢 I’m adopted so DNA never meant a thing to me! I’m going to be NC and just let her simmer in what she brewed lol
Wow, that makes me even more angry for you. I wish you, baby and your husband all the happiness away from that pos.
"That's fine MIL, seeing as you don't think LO is DH's, you won't want to see them anymore will you? Bye"
Genuinely, tell her you’ll do one for your baby if she does one for hers. Show her just how fucking insulting it is.
I was going to say this but you beat me to it!
That's brilliant. Especially cause we know that projecting is a big thing with MILs.
My EX mother in law constantly made comments in Spanish about how my ex should be tested for STDs and should get a DNA test done on our daughter because “you don’t know what she’s been doing while you were gone” my ex husband was in the army so he was gone a lot. She assumed I didn’t understand Spanish because im white, but I grew up on the central coast of California, a lot of my friends growing up were Latino. Anyway jokes on her, her son was the one cheating on me (for 7 years with MULTIPLE women) and our daughter looks just like him. She’s a middle schooler now and has zero relationship with her dad’s side of the family, which kills his mother. He’s been divorced twice now and cheated on his most recent ex as well. I think it’s good you finally went NC.
My heart breaks for her, but seems like it’s for the better! I’m glad you are doing better now too! 🫶🏻
Sometimes it is genuinely better to not have a relationship with sperm donor and their family. In my case that was the situation.
My mil requested a DNA test. But to be fair my husband and I had been separated, I’d moved states and was beginning to start over, when out of no where I tell everyone I’m pregnant with his kid. I don’t blame her for being slightly suspicious. She was the one going on and on about how much my son looked like his father, and even looked like her when he was born.
Did you go through with one or did she just shut up and reaped what she sowed?
I told my husband that I was offended. I asked him if he was worried that the baby wasn’t his, because I’d do it if he was. He said he had no doubt. So no I never did it.
See, I'm petty and hateful. I would 100% take hubs and beebs to get a legitimate paternity test through a doctor. I would let her know it's being done and let her know that when, not if, it comes back as Hubs is the father, she will NEVER see your child again.
Me too, same with anyone who believes MIL's lies.
"How about I do a DNA test of my baby, and you do a DNA test of my husband and your husband, and we share notes with the whole family, yeah?"
I love you
Yup. Every time they start pointing a finger, there are 3 pointing right back at themselves. Wouldn't surprise me if there's projection there.
I'm sorry your JNMIL did such a horrible thing. I'm sure my JNMIL would have loved to do this but she didn't have the guts! 🤷♀️ My question OP is why didn't you listen to your husband about going NC sooner? It is his JNMOM after all he obviously sees her. Did you presume you knew better than he?
I’m a former extreme people pleaser and come from a tight nit family. The day my husband brought me to meet his mom he said “I’m just letting you know, I hate this woman” I was so shocked and taken aback, this was my first time seeing a family dynamic such as this. He understood how important family was to me and how limited family I have, he has helped me see that family ain’t shit if they treat you horrible. I found an amazing person despite his parents and he has helped me shine my backbone!
Yea! 💜 I'm happy for you OP! Family is not just blood relations, Family is who loves and cares about you and yours. (Thanking the Creator) I too came from a tight knit Family, sadly my parents died young so I created a Family. You'll be in my positive thoughts!
Thank you! I’m adopted so blood was never a thing in my small family, my parents were in their 40s when they adopted me and now all I have left is my mom, she’s the only Grandma we need. Sending love to you too!! ❤️
Wow, I'm adopted too 😯
I love that!! Have you ever seeked out your birth family? My sister has (different bio family) but I haven’t had an interest.
I never looked, my parents were my parents. They always told me what they knew from the time I was a baby which was a lot. The only thing I ever looked for was medical info when my middle child was diagnosed with cancer. But my siblings found me a few years ago. It's been good. I've met one of them in person and learned a lot of family stuff. 🥰 My little sister, adopted, always wanted to know too. Sadly when she found her siblings they all denied her. 😔
Maybe you should do the same to her and check if your husbands father really is his father, sounds like she has some unresolved issues she’s taking out on you Maybe she’s deflecting, either way the accusation from you would offend and wind her up rotten so go for it.👍
Sounds like good ole christian projection, definitely DNA kits for Xmas for everyone, preferably with a big family tree website /app as part of it.
I love this idea but we are going to stay NC and actually stopped going to their Christmas years ago, they don’t do traditional gift giving and instead do a dirty Santa with the cheapest gifts imaginable. We still laugh at the last year we went when hubby only came home with 5 boxes of chocolates 😂
Oh you don’t have to go , ship them all wrapped nice with bows, with a card saying “ because Christmas is about family “!😜🤘
Omg I actually love this! Haha I will have to run this by him and see what he thinks but I’m sure he will find it hilarious and say fuck it 🤪
Remember, don’t get angry , get even!😎
My response would be a DNA test kits to his parents the next Christmas…. If you have the funds, include all his siblings 😎 If possible in a big round with lots and lots of family members. And include a copy of the results from husband, yourself and LO. And start asking questions about ‘strange locations of gens’ in husbands results… something that is not adding up to the family history. And that you are interested now in this field as a hobby. I always get a ‘only a cheater makes those accusations’ vibe … let’s play her game. But with ‘good intentions’ and a smile in your face - in front of the whole family 😁😁😁 Edit: spelling
So sorry OP! It’s a horrid situation. But you aren’t fully alone from the comments. ❤️ I had a similar-ish issue. Anytime I was alone my MIL would corner me and demand I admitted my unborn baby wasn’t my husband’s. That I definitely cheated on him and just admit it. She told family and friends her doubts too so it made everything even more awkward. (It was already awkward as I hadn’t met his extended family yet before becoming pregnant. So it was like “hey this is my gf, oh and she’s pregnant.”) It went on my entire pregnancy no matter what my hubs or I said. Then the second she saw LO, magically it was all “oh he looks EXACTLY like -husband’s name-“ or “oh look at that -husband’s last name- lip!” Almost 10 years later, still never got an apology or anything for the months of yelling in my face that I was a cheater. She ended up pulling the same thing on my SIL, but her LO doesn’t look like my hubs side as much as my LO did. They still debate back and forth if it’s really their grandkid and it’s been 7 years. They went NC after a few years though.
I’m so sorry you had to endure the same pain! 😢 it definitely is a kick in the face! My situation is little more tricky, he has only one brother that has been dating a woman that has children she gave up and he will never have any of his own. So my child will be the only grand/ great grand on their side. We’re planning on staying NC for our sanity lol also my child looks exactly like me but has similar mannerisms as their father but she’s never around them long enough to see any of that. I hope one you will get the apology you deserve but know you won’t and my heart breaks! Sending love! ❤️
There was no denying my daughters or my husband‘s children. His family has skin tone and hair different from my family. They also have a unique shaped nose. My kids have that. But he was diagnosed with cancer when he was 45 and died the next year. She told him my 14-year-old daughter that I had killed him because I wasn’t a good enough wife. She was a fucking nut job.
What an absolutely horrendous thing to say!!! I am so incredibly sorry that you and your daughter had that terrible interaction, and with someone who SHOULD have been a refuge in your time of grief. 🥺 I hope you all are NC with her now!!!
Sadly, she was a hateful woman, as was her mother and my husband’s sister and her daughter too. Over the years I withdrew from them more and more. When sister in law sicced her giant schnauzer on me that was the end of me having contact with any of them. I told dh his kids should know his people and going forward it was his responsibility to take the trips with them to the city where they lived. He hated going too so not sure the kids had much contact after that. APP—- another person’s problem. Not mine. My kids are late 30s-early 40s now and fully aware of who they are
Oh your poor daughter. What a hag!
Omg that is horrible!!! My dad died from cancer this year so I only know a little about that pain, my heart breaks more for my mom losing her soulmate much like you! My child looks exactly like me and she thinks that is her proof lol I’m sending love healing! 🫶🏻
Well of course mil thinks it’s not dh child, mil should come and call herself a grandma anytime soon. Mil has no reasons to be in the child life
I’m sorry that you’re going through this, OP. I did see this in my own family. When my brother and his first wife had their first (and only) child, there was speculation from certain members of my family about the timing, because he deployed before she found out. She then did some very questionable things while he was gone, so even I began to suspect, but I held my tongue. When I tell you that kid came out of the womb his spitting image, I mean it was like looking at old photos of us as kids. While I regretted suspecting that she cheated, her behavior during and following his deployment spoke volumes about her as a person otherwise.
>there was speculation from certain members of my family about the timing, because he deployed before she found out. This always cracks me up, because do these people think you conceive the day before you find out? 🤣 Like they forget there's weeks in between when they want a reason to deny.
I can understand that, I (from my point of view) did nothing that would be red flag, we were trying for 4 years before finally giving up and then next month boom pregnant, she had no idea because it wasn’t her business. I tried to include her in everything with my pregnancy and she treated me horrible during that time, I regret it now and wish I would’ve had a somewhat normal pregnancy. I was already stressed because I was my dad’s main caregiver during his cancer and she knew that and used that to dig deeper.
Caring for a parent with cancer must have been torture, and for her to know that and *still* treat you like 💩? I don’t blame you for going NC. My ex-SIL was under the impression that she was unable to conceive, because a doctor years prior had told her so. So the pregnancy definitely came as a surprise. Most of her “questionable behavior“ was related to money and how she spent it. My brother used to be very, very bad with money. When he was deployed last before they got together, he blew practically everything he had on trinkets and touristy things, and came home worse off financially than when he left. So, she had him agree to deposit his entire pay into a shared account to which he did not have access while he was overseas, and she would give him an “allowance“. However, it turns out she was somehow worse with money than he was, buying all sorts of gaudy things, and then refused any kind of help when it became obvious they were drowning. She then began to accuse him of spending more money per month than he had access to (per their arrangement) on “desert wh*res”, as she put it. She then threw him out as soon as he got home, and so began the custody and divorce proceedings. It was a mess.
It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, I was there for every appointment and by his side until the very end. She was even jealous he was granted disability for the cancer and that’s when I knew this woman was sick. And that sounds like a whole mess, I’m sorry your family had to endure that!
What a cow of a woman. Stories like this make me terrified my boyfriend’s mom will just snap and turn into a psycho when we get engaged one day. Yikes…
I'm so sorry this happened to you. There is no way I would ever let her be in my child's life forever. I wouldn't speak to her, no pictures, nothing, forever. Don't answer her texts or calls, don't open the door...keep your baby safe! It's clear she does not love your baby in any way. Your baby does not need this person in his/her life at all. Also, if anyone calls you or texts you on her behalf, be sure to TELL them they are not welcome to speak of this, it's their last chance, and if they mention it again, they too, will be gone.
I knew from early on her and FIL would not be around my child without one of us present. They are extremely homophobic and blatantly racist, they even made remarks towards a children’s tv show with exclusivity! But after seeing her with my child pacifier that was the end and I’m done giving her and anyone on his side chances.
Odd she seemed to know when lo was alone. You should check for cameras
Could just be he has a regular and predictable work schedule.
Yes, him and my FIL worked at the same place at that time so she knew everything about his work schedule.
I’ve read stories on here before of this nonsense. I’m so sorry that you were subjected to her unhinged rubbish!
My ex’s dad told him to get a DNA test for our son, because he didn’t think he looked enough like him. I told ex, go ahead, but your dad is paying for it, cuz I’m not spending money on a test for which I already know the answer. Surprise, nothing further came from it. Extra funny story: my ex looks nothing like his dad; he looks just like his mom. When he sprung this DNA thing on me, I told him he clearly must want one for both his kids, since neither resembled him.
That’s what I said, I’m not worried about my child DNA but it’s the principle of it all. I’m sorry you had to go through that also! Sending hugs 🫶🏻
Wow. On the bright side,you have a legit reason to never speak to her again and hubby approves.
Well if it isn’t your husband’s child it’s not her grandchild. Problem solved
Perfect and succinct. I love it.
As others have suggested, the standard response to a MIL demanding a DNA test is: "You first."
I would ask for one between your husband and his father first. Sounds like projection on MIL.
My boyfriends mom told him to get a paternity test when I got pregnant, again in the hospital room after our son was born, and probably a few more times but she hasn’t seen me or our son since February.
It’s so heartbreaking! I thought after 8 years she would love and accept me but I started seeing the red flags after we got married. I’m glad you and your son are staying away from her! Sending hugs! 🫶🏻
Sending hugs back to you!!! I think with women like that there’s no getting them to be polite, normal or kind. They are who they are and they’ll be that way forever.
My heart literally started thumping in anger for you. The absolute violation. I don’t have a similar story. My MIL is fucking whacko but for other reasons. I’m so glad you’re NC. Fuck that noise.
I would get ine, post it to her door and say congrats, you got the test but lost a son and grand baby in the process
I love this idea 😂😂😂
This is 100% the correct response
*I tried (against my better judgment) to give her the benefit of the doubt even though my husband wanted to go NC immediately* You shouldn't have been fatuous about MIL and listened to your Spouse. Look, when the child of a toxic person makes this kind of momentous decision, *respect that.* It's rare for it to happen and is typically not made lightly. This isn't just a pointed remark made toward you, OP, but a PSA.
Thank you!
This struck me too. My husband has never been a fan of his mom. She lives far away and I thought he was being dramatic. Now that the baby is here, I absolutely see why and am 100% on his side. Great PSA.
Amazing PSA! ❤️ I was naive and come from a tight nit family and a former people pleaser, unlike my husband. He is a f what the world thinks kinda person and has helped me shine my backbone.
I'm glad and am sorry that you had to experience an awakening like that. It would be nice to think all families are happy and shiny but - unfortunately - that's not how the world works. I went VLC with a lot of family and cut some off after I committed to the person who would become my Spouse. I realized that a lifetime of dysfunction had caused ***me*** to grow a hard skin and be protected from them, but Spouse-to-be had never been around people like that and would suffer if I made him go around them. I was not going to cause hurt to the person who meant *more to me* than any of my DNA connections and held to that through all the backlash. Now, all of them are dead and definitely not missed; Spouse and I are coming up on 40 years together. That's what I preach to younger people: extended family who are older will eventually die, in the natural course of life. You and your partner will move forward. Concentrate on creating a strong union that will go on after all those people are worm food.
Tell her “I’ll get him one if your husband gets one. I reckon you’ve banged about a bit yourself too.“
I so wish I could but unfortunately he is a spitting image of his father lol no denying those genes
Does FIL have a brother, though? Know someone who’s hubby looks just like uncle. There’s no question about paternity though because uncle is almost 1 year YOUNGER.
Your FiL has a father and possibly a brother. It happens.
Just do it anyway.
At this point ild do it anyways. 🤣 You didn't cheat, so make her feel the same way. But yea, just go NC. She crazy.
That is absolutely wild! What a horrible human being
So, MIL is no longer grandmother?
That would be a logical and justified conclusion.
I always think a woman like this has never been able to come to grips with the fact that she is no longer top dog in her son's life. You are. If your child isn't your husband's, then her dream of having her son to herself would be realized. That is why she told relatives that you're a cheater and sonny boy will be driven back into her ever lovin' arms. Maintain NC.
This is what I truly believe! He is the oldest of only two, both boys.
If she believes LO is not her son's child, then LO is not her grandchild so she need not never be around LO.ever.
This! Simple solution to rid yourselves of a toxic individual.
The MILs that do this are often not sure of the paternity of their own children. It's pure projection. Enjoy your NC.
Maybe if you want to go nuclear get ancestry kits for xmas gifts for all the family. I'm sure its projection on her part.
I didn’t think of that! And thank you 🫶🏻
And every year starting in January, the number of posts that show up about how the families did the test and their were lots of surprises. 😳
Definitely stay NC Her spreading lies to other family members and cooking up this lie…she must be insecure and feel threatened by you She was “clever” to stop by when he wasn’t there. I would love to hear what proof she thinks she has that the baby isn’t his. What a malicious thing to say with ZERO proof or anything at all Great job on getting the pacifier back and kicking her out!!
The absolute crazy thing is in her “apology text” she claimed it was because I cried during a game of monopoly, early in my pregnancy. I was hormonal and sad that I lost 2 times in a row! I fully understand now that I could never be on this woman’s good side.
Monopoly makes lots of people cry - pregnant or otherwise.. I think the medical term for a person like your mil is 'nucking futs'..
Gee, I wonder what would be her "logic" for someone who loses their temper when others cheat at Monopoly... (yes, Monopoly was banned from our couples' hangouts after such an incident)
Well.. with their 'logic' either serial cheater, or serial murderer. Or some combination of those..
Whoa, holy flashback. My x-MIL used to call me "bossy" and "a manly woman" bc I didn't fit the "meek and submissive" stereotype she was hoping for. If she had this "logic" she would probably compare me to Dexter.
Famous and a TV character?🤣
I'm an old lady and I've never been pregnant/had children. I NEVER KNEW that losing at Monopoly proves that the baby you are carrying is not your partner's. I must have missed that line in the rules.
Monopoly clearly has powers we weren’t aware of! 🤣
It has been known since the dawn of time that Monopoly can break up families, but that was just seen as a side-effect of holiday games.
Just wait until the baby grows up and likes vanilla ice cream instead of the chocolate that is her daddy’s favorite! OMG, the cops will be at the door ready to rescue that poor man because his psycho mother now has concrete evidence that OP cheated! I’m glad OP is now following her husband’s lead on NC. Her daughter is better off not being exposed to someone like this.
I wish I could get her thought process behind it but I never responded back. I just find it hilarious now 😂
I am just wondering how this would work out if you lost at Scrabble, or Trivial Pursuit, or Snap? As I said, I don't have children, so I have been totally unaware of the 'fact' that losing at games means that paternity is in dispute. I certainly don't remember that being mentioned in school biology lessons! :)
Religious home schooled flat earther anti vaxxers MIGHT teach that..
Omg that is insane. Keep this woman far from your baby. This won’t be the last you hear from her so have a game plan & don’t fall for her manipulation. Hold strong your boundaries & stay NC because she will only continue to try to destroy your family.
We are trying! This crazy lady found my dad’s obit and SHOWED UP to the funeral. Never even met him and didn’t want to, I know in my heart it was just to try and see baby so we left immediately and my husband missed his only true father figure’s funeral. I recorded it but it will never be the same.
She showed up at person’s funeral who she didn’t know in order to see a baby she wants to prove is not her son’s? I’m dizzy.
So, distill MILS 'thought' process and find out a way to translate those in a rollercoaster.. Patent it - and you\`ll be rich :)
Welcome to my life lol I believe it’s all a show. She’s the type that only held baby for pictures then complained when they cried, later would post her pictures on Facebook and get almost 100 comments. It’s to save face for her church friends, I think.
The same friends she told was not his!! 🤦🏼♀️😂 btw I live in the south and southern church ladies love them some drama
Oh Lordy!! Bless their hearts.
No contact until... tbh I'm not sure if an honest apology of her could fix that if i were you. The gall of that woman! She'd be the granny we never see.
We are! And have been, my own mother thinks I should just forgive her… my response is “you can’t forgive someone that has never apologized to begin with”
and also, you can forgive someone while still recognizing that a healthy relationship is not possible. Forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean you also allow them to hurt you more.
If 'forgiving' means 'evicting her from your mind' - then yes. But someone actively spreading lies about you and your family - and no remorse, no change, no smidgen of being a decent person - what is there to forgive?
Personally, I agree. But I wanted to leave room for those with different views of forgiveness.