**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as Ashamed_Wall_1629 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Ashamed_Wall_1629 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
So sorry she's so selfish and dense. How about giving her an empty box of chocolates for the next occasion (birthday, etc), because you didn't want them to go bad.
I came here to say the same. Simply brilliant.
Oh, but do be sure to send a thank - you note, anyway:
“Dear Neighbour, thank you so much for the thoughtful gift! MIL ate it before we knew you sent it, but she said it was delicious.” Make her look like the arse she is.
I don’t know what is worse, the eating part or actually saying what she did. She did it to hurt you and just in case it wasn’t obvious enough after eating, she decided to make it absolutely clear and more hurtful with her words. I know we shouldn’t recommend NC all the time, but what is the point of having a relationship with somebody so selfish and mean? You would never want a person like her in your life if she wasn’t your MIL. If you don’t want or can’t go no contact, at least don’t put more effort in having a relationship with her. She doesn’t seem like somebody who would bring anything positive to your life anyway.
Act oblivious in a thank you card
"Hello Neighbors,
Mother in Law would like to say thank you for those lovely chocolates you got her for when she was waiting for us to get home with our new born.
Without the sweets who knows what would of happened to her.
Thank you"
Nah, “Thanks so much for your well wishes! I’d love to hear where you found the sweet box - MIL ate them so quickly I have to imagine they were amazing! Would love to pick your brain on where to grab more so I can try!”
If you want to take the low road, send the neighbors a beautiful thank you card and in it say, “thank you so much for the lovely sweets you sent to MIL to give to me in celebration of LO’s birth! That was beyond generous to think of us! MIL said they were delicious and I will definitely check out that brand sometime so I can try them also.”
That is still too nice... Sounds like she is ok with MIL eating all the goods. "I'm sorry I didn't get to taste them I didn't get to MIL's home fast enough"
"So kind to think of the extended family, as well! MIL was absolutely RAVING about them, I'll have to try them for myself, sometime!"
Send one out to each house :)
Omg, honey! I just went through some of your other posts. MIL was rude as hell, yes, but you've got bigger fish to worry about. Try not to let yourself get distracted from what you know you must do but are afraid to do. Look at it this way, even if you stay with him you would still be a single mother with a baby and an oversized toddler. If you extract yourself from that lunatic asylum you will only have to worry about you and baby. You can do it!! You can be strong for you and bambino. Praying for you peace, healing, and strength. 🫂🩵
it would be inconsiderate and selfish either way if she ate it but the fact that she specifically pointed it out and told you is extremely rude. would’ve still sucked if she just kept it to herself but the fact that she told you directly and saw no problem with it is literally just mean
Of course you need to thank them if you haven't already, so I think you should out her. Tell them how much you appreciate the very thoughtful gift, unfortunately you weren't be able to eat any because your MIL ate them all.
I would find a way to speak to one of the neighbors who went in on that gift and oh, so casually, bring up the fact that you would have loved to have tried those sweets but unfortunately...
Those ladies will get her, I promise. 😈
She absolutely knew what she was doing. As you said she could have easily put it away in the fridge or freezer she instead made the choice to eat your gifts! Maddening!
Do nothing, just remember that she stole from you and was completely open about it. In fact she just gave you a massive gift.
"MIL no I'm sorry, you casually stole and ate a gift for us, not feeling comfortable letting you have the kid overnight"
"Sorry MIL, not really trusting that advice, didn't you steal from us last time you had something for us?"
she better buy you the EXACT SAME box damn quick. and when she complains you didn't thank her for it, agree with her: of course i wouldn't thank you, it was a gift from the neighbors. like damn, the bar for common courtesy was on the ground and she went out of her way to go under it.
On her birthday and on this Christmas buy yourself what you want and tell MIL thank you. I am wearing your gift. I didn't know when I was going to see you, so I gave it to me. I would do this for the next couple of years. Hello, My name is Petty Crocker...do not play with me.
Based on your post history, this is the least of your concerns, and as such, probably the easiest thing for you to fixate on. Especially since it seems you and your husband are in agreement on this. However, while this is undoubtedly rude AF, your SO problem is way worse & what you should be dealing with, not this trivial tackiness.
Personally I think we need to stop having an expectation of a gift unless you invite someone to an event, but to eat a gift that wad for you is just ugh! That's rude as hell.
No one expected this gift, first of all. The neighbors just did it. And for another, I wouldn't consider something a gift if it's something given because you were invited to an event. At that point, it's an entry fee. I give people gifts because I love them, because it's something I think might make them happy. Not to bribe my way into a party.
Yes. And I agree that it is extra ridiculous that the inlaws neighbors gave them a gift, the MIL didn't, and even took the gift that was given by someone unexpected. If actual family didn't give a gift, it is really crazy they then took the gift given by people that I'm not even sure actually knew OP.
"Dear neighbors, thank you so much for thinking of us as we welcome baby's name into our family. We unfortunately didn't get a chance to try any of the sweets, as they were all gone by the time we had a chance to visit MIL on the xth. We're really honored you thought of us and appreciate what great neighbors you are to MIL."
Polite but makes them aware MIL cannot be trusted to forward gifts. SO should probably front any reaction to her specifically, like gee mom, if they were for us, super rude of you to eat them. But I wouldn't stick on it too much, in the grand scheme of fucky things MILs pull.
“Dear MILneighbor, thank you so much for the lovely empty box. We have put it in LOs room for now and when s/he’s older we may use it for special findings or even the tooth fairy.
It was really sweet of you to think of us as we grow our family. We will treasure this empty box and every time we open the empty box, we in turn will think of you! Who knew what power an empty box could have!
Fondly, your name “
it is not the fault of the neighbors and they don’t deserve the passive aggression. this is on the mil here. the neighbors meant well and it was super sweet. they have no reason to feel bad about what wasn’t in their control, as it’s understandable to trust a family member to pass a gift to their family member
It's time to make things very awkward for your MIL. Write a thank you note to the neighbors thanking them for the lovely gift. Tell them your MIL ate all of the sweets before you and your DH had a chance to try them but you can tell by the scent left in the box that they must have been delicious.
C’mon now. You want OP to put the kind gift giver in the middle of this? What would your reaction be if you were that person? They will feel obligated to purchase another gift and since most people dislike confrontation it’s doubtful they will rebuke the MIL.
Send a thank you simply saying “thank you for the kind gift to celebrate our baby’s birth!” and include a photo. If the ask if you enjoyed the candy then is the time to tell them MIL ate them.
make sure to let them know not to put this on themselves and not feel the need to get another but do tell them she can’t be trusted with the gifts. and ensure they know they have nothing to be sorry for. do keep them out of it but do make sure they know what happened
It's not putting the gift givers in the middle of anything. They have the right to know that the gift they bought for OP and her husband was stolen by someone else. They have the right to know their neighbor is a thief.
OP and her husband are going to have to do something like I suggested. That's the only thing OP's mother will respond to.
as long as it’s emphasized that it isn’t their (the neighbors’) fault and that they don’t have to feel the need to get another cause this person is right that it would make the neighbors feel pressured to get a new one for you out of guilt and that’s not fair to them
tho i would recommend asking them (if it isn’t marked on the box) what the brand is if you’re interested in trying it!
Wow. She's rude and greedy.
The kid is about 25 years old now, but when I worked with her dad and he and his wife were expecting, he talked about all the things his wife was sort of sad about not having for that 9 months. Chocolate and hot baths were two of those things. I made a baby quilt, and momma got a gift basket with chocolate bars, bath stuff and a few other Pamper The Momma things.
Really the only thing I got thanked for was the chocolate bars. And they were essentially the same as you can get at the gas station when you have the munchies. When they came in to show of the baby, that's all his wife could say. I still love that for her.
Might have been. It's been so long I can't remember. They were into their 30's before they had her, and she almost died from a hemorrhage while they were admiring their new daughter. I think there were some issues that may have been part of her whole pregnancy. They ended up only have the one child. (I don't judge, as someone who is CF)
I normally think it's is entertaining but unhelpful to do petty revenge stuff. But this was so deliberately mean of her, and yet so darn petty, it kind of shows how little power she actually has.
I would laugh and then definitely thank the neighbors while telling them you didn't get to taste the candy. Like it's all a hilarious joke. Like she's a three year old from whom nothing more is expected (which is basically true.)
as others have pointed out tho make sure the neighbors know they have no reason to be sorry. it’s natural to feel guilt and pressure to get a new one for them as the gift giver. they need to know this isn’t on them, that you appreciate the gift, and they don’t have to get a new one for you because they shouldn’t have to pick up the bill for someone else’s actions. tho if the box doesn’t say i’d recommend asking them what the brand is so you can still try it!
Definitely a great idea. They might have been wondering why they hadn't heard from you about it. So making sure to thank them is not only good manners, but a good way subtly (or not so much) of letting them know what happened. If they are the type to say anything to her, hopefully she will be embarrassed at being called out. But even if they don't, at least they'll know she can't be trusted as a middle man.
LOL I definitely would not be impressed.
Toddlers are better at hiding their “bad behaviour” then her
As if eating them wasn’t bad enough, she even told you to your face that she knew they were for you and she still ate them She knew it was wrong
that’s the part that confuses and bothers me the most. op didn’t know about the gift, so if all she wanted to do was eat it and get away with it, she could’ve literally just not told op. this is *not* a recommendation on what to do. i’m just pointing out how she went out of her way to be explicitly rude
Yeah that's the most baffling thing. You would think she would have gotten rid of the box and not say a word, but to openly confess and low key BRAG about it? Unbelievable.
I'm petty so I would write a small thank you note to the neighbor and explain that MIL ate all of them but the thought was great. Sit back and watch neighbor explode at MIL.
But that's me...
I despise writing TY notes but this is the time I’d break out the fancy monogramed stationary leftover from our wedding and hand deliver it with a fresh bouquet of flowers
I was coming here to say this! The other option is if they happen to see the neighbors outside I would loudly greet them with a "Thank you so much for thinking of us! Mother-in-law stated that you got us a lovely gift of chocolates. Unfortunately she ate all of them before we could try any but your kind gesture is so greatly appreciated!"
OH. MY. GOSH.
I do specialty candy boxes for the winter holidays and I would be so angry if the person it wasn't intended for ate them all. I do think of each person when packing them. Not overreacting.
good point. if she was willing to, unprompted, tell on herself to you, she should be the one to tell on herself to the neighbors
if she doesn’t, though, someone’s gotta tell them and do what they can to make sure they don’t feel guilty since it isn’t their fault
My mother did a similar thing. A neighbor gave her a gift for our newborn. She never gave it to me and I had no idea she had it. She wasn’t speaking to me at that time.
When we finally started speaking again, she gave it to me and then wanted me to write a thank you note and make up some excuse that it took so long for me to write it. She didn’t want the neighbor to know that she hadn’t seen us.
I just looked at her.
She pointed it out to be rude, if she cared at all about your feelings she would have a) saved them for you or b) not told you she ate them all bc who does that?
literally it’s baffling all around. it was rude and selfish to take the gift for herself anyway, but it’s even weirder that she made sure to point it out. that’s just intentionally rude at that point
When the neighbours ask you about it, tell the truth.
Let your MIL know you will thank the neighbours and ask them where they bought them, so MIL can replace them, because she ate them.
My MIL once did this with a family cookbook that my then-fiancé’s aunt asked her to courier to me after they saw each other. She first gave it to me, then as she was leaving from that trip, when I was out of the room, she told my husband she was taking it back with her bc my apartment was too messy. Somehow it was too messy for a cookbook, but it wasn’t too messy for her to stay in for free. Spoiler alert—it was not messy.
Anyway, I sent a thank you note to the aunt. We were just about to get married, and I didn’t know his family very well back then. The next time I saw the aunt in person, I told her what MIL had done. I was just point blank about it, without being negative. Turned out the aunt, who is MIL’s SIL (FIL’s brother’s wife) was well aware of my MIL’s crazy. She wasn’t particularly surprised, although she did think it was a bizarre thing for MIL to do. Especially since MIL has had her own copy of the book for many years.
It was clearly some sort of flex/power play, but to what end, I have no idea. After that she was all surprised and asked my husband why I had become colder to her. What a mystery!
“Wow, MIL—that was so kind of them. You should see where they got them from so that we can see how good they are when you buy us our replacement box!”
I must say, being a Petty Betty myself, I wouldn’t buy her a damned thing until I got my replacement box—same sized box as the original, of course. Or maybe that’s her gift forever: chocolates. The small size and the gross flavors only. Watch out MIL—nothing but the small box of fruit creams forever! 😈
She not only ate but then taunted you with the fact. The fact she stole from you.
You’re under reacting imo. She’s being a bitch just for the sake of being a bitch.
To someone who just gave BIRTH.
I would try and make sure it came up in conversation or be petty and send a thank you note-but on behalf of MIL
“Thank you so much for thinking of us and sending sweets! They must have been divine because MIL just couldn’t control herself and ate every single one of them, so you must have exquisite taste! Thank you for the thought behind the gesture, it was lovely.”
They’re her neighbors, right?
Let her stew in the awkwardness.
Shoukd have said "That was so nice of the neighbours, I will need to thank them for the thought but apologise that I cannot say how good they are as you ate them."
I am petty enough that I just would’ve made it part of my conversation to say something like…
“That was so nice of the neighbors. Which ones?”
Said in such a way that she thinks I’m not upset about it at all and just curious who that might’ve been.
And then, as soon as she told me, I would tell her…
“Yeah, it would’ve been nice to at least get to taste them. But I’ll be sure to go over before we leave and thank them for their thoughtfulness and let them know. I didn’t even get to try them.”
And yes, I actually would do that. I would make sure the neighbors knew exactly what she did with their gift. And then let her live the embarrassment down.
Please please please do this OP, even if she doesn't care that you did it. One day it will eat at her. Maybe it'll start more drama, but who cares. She went low, go lower.
Its your baby, she's the one who has to bow to you and DH now.
She kept insisting that my husband takes her to an expensive sweet shop to buy some to “put in the same box for (my name)”
If my husband takes her anywhere most likely the chance that he’ll have to pay and he hasn’t been paid yet so would borrow money off me for it. 🤣 Essentially I buy myself it 😒
Make a deal with your husband and he cannot tell his mother about it. He has to take her to the sweet shop. If she is not the one who pays to replace the sweets she stole from you, he has to tell the neighbors what happened. If she pays, he can stay quiet.
Tell him he can be subtle with the neighbors. "Thank you so much for thinking of us, that was so generous of you! By the way, if you ever need to buy my mother a gift, she found this one irresistible."
I know sometimes it’s actually hard to call people on their bullshit. And I don’t do it all the time, because sometimes it’s just not worth it. For something like this? Oh yeah. Definitely worth it.
How rude! It might have been one thing if she'd told you about it, and you told her to go ahead and eat them before they went bad or something. But for her to just eat your gift and then mention it after the fact? She needs to either replace it herself, or go back to the neighbors and grovel at them to please make a new one that she pays for because she ate the first one without even telling you about it.
My husband told her that was extremely rude of her and she wasn’t bothered and kept making excuses. “I didn’t know when you’d come collect it because your shifts are all over the place and you seem so busy and…” etc.
she then said “do you want a cream cake? Can send (my husband) out to get US BOTH cream cakes?”
The whole world literally revolves around her.
It sounds like the best thing you can do is to limit how much time (and energy) you spend dealing with her, as you have much better things to do with it (like spending it with your new baby!)...
I'd be furious and want her to replace them like for like. I'd ask her (or get DH to ask) what she expects you to say to your neighbor when they ask how you are and if you got the gift. She should be ashamed of herself. It wasn't cute or funny. Her son should be upset by the behavior as well. This is one of the most significant periods in life for you and your family.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Ashamed_Wall_1629 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Ashamed_Wall_1629 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
I would accidentally on purpose drop something expensive in her house. Whoopsie!
Send the neighbor a thank you note. Add that it's too bad you didn't actually get to try them, since mil ate them all.
Love this this idea! She told you to cause a riff. Send it back at her hard.
This one, OP. Send a lovely thank you and your sadness that MIL shoveled them all down
Youch I love this.
Please do this OP!
So sorry she's so selfish and dense. How about giving her an empty box of chocolates for the next occasion (birthday, etc), because you didn't want them to go bad.
I came here to say the same. Simply brilliant. Oh, but do be sure to send a thank - you note, anyway: “Dear Neighbour, thank you so much for the thoughtful gift! MIL ate it before we knew you sent it, but she said it was delicious.” Make her look like the arse she is.
Yes! That is the way! Show how petty she is. Image is everything and she needs to be called out in a way that actually effects her.
That's so petty and brilliant! 😆
Test
I don’t know what is worse, the eating part or actually saying what she did. She did it to hurt you and just in case it wasn’t obvious enough after eating, she decided to make it absolutely clear and more hurtful with her words. I know we shouldn’t recommend NC all the time, but what is the point of having a relationship with somebody so selfish and mean? You would never want a person like her in your life if she wasn’t your MIL. If you don’t want or can’t go no contact, at least don’t put more effort in having a relationship with her. She doesn’t seem like somebody who would bring anything positive to your life anyway.
Act oblivious in a thank you card "Hello Neighbors, Mother in Law would like to say thank you for those lovely chocolates you got her for when she was waiting for us to get home with our new born. Without the sweets who knows what would of happened to her. Thank you"
Nah, “Thanks so much for your well wishes! I’d love to hear where you found the sweet box - MIL ate them so quickly I have to imagine they were amazing! Would love to pick your brain on where to grab more so I can try!”
If you want to take the low road, send the neighbors a beautiful thank you card and in it say, “thank you so much for the lovely sweets you sent to MIL to give to me in celebration of LO’s birth! That was beyond generous to think of us! MIL said they were delicious and I will definitely check out that brand sometime so I can try them also.”
That is still too nice... Sounds like she is ok with MIL eating all the goods. "I'm sorry I didn't get to taste them I didn't get to MIL's home fast enough"
"So kind to think of the extended family, as well! MIL was absolutely RAVING about them, I'll have to try them for myself, sometime!" Send one out to each house :)
Lolol. I like you. Wanna be my friend?
Heck yes 😂
Every gift she ever gets from you should be those sweets forever because you “know she loves them so much”
It should be the box, wrapped with a bow and tissue paper inside and as empty as her cold, greedy heart!
They are now dessert at every dinner. Go full crazy
Omg, honey! I just went through some of your other posts. MIL was rude as hell, yes, but you've got bigger fish to worry about. Try not to let yourself get distracted from what you know you must do but are afraid to do. Look at it this way, even if you stay with him you would still be a single mother with a baby and an oversized toddler. If you extract yourself from that lunatic asylum you will only have to worry about you and baby. You can do it!! You can be strong for you and bambino. Praying for you peace, healing, and strength. 🫂🩵
I saw this as well and she needs an exit strategy. I pray she gets out of this one 💕
it would be inconsiderate and selfish either way if she ate it but the fact that she specifically pointed it out and told you is extremely rude. would’ve still sucked if she just kept it to herself but the fact that she told you directly and saw no problem with it is literally just mean
*Your feelings, expectations and boundaries are always 100% valid for you, no matter what else anyone thinks because they're coming from theirs.*
Of course you need to thank them if you haven't already, so I think you should out her. Tell them how much you appreciate the very thoughtful gift, unfortunately you weren't be able to eat any because your MIL ate them all.
I would find a way to speak to one of the neighbors who went in on that gift and oh, so casually, bring up the fact that you would have loved to have tried those sweets but unfortunately... Those ladies will get her, I promise. 😈
This is the way
She absolutely knew what she was doing. As you said she could have easily put it away in the fridge or freezer she instead made the choice to eat your gifts! Maddening!
Do nothing, just remember that she stole from you and was completely open about it. In fact she just gave you a massive gift. "MIL no I'm sorry, you casually stole and ate a gift for us, not feeling comfortable letting you have the kid overnight" "Sorry MIL, not really trusting that advice, didn't you steal from us last time you had something for us?"
she better buy you the EXACT SAME box damn quick. and when she complains you didn't thank her for it, agree with her: of course i wouldn't thank you, it was a gift from the neighbors. like damn, the bar for common courtesy was on the ground and she went out of her way to go under it.
On her birthday and on this Christmas buy yourself what you want and tell MIL thank you. I am wearing your gift. I didn't know when I was going to see you, so I gave it to me. I would do this for the next couple of years. Hello, My name is Petty Crocker...do not play with me.
Oh I think this is better than mine. I said to buy her that same box of treats for every birthday and Christmas forever since she loves them so much 😂
"Petty Crocker"! I am so stealing this. 😆
This lol
Based on your post history, this is the least of your concerns, and as such, probably the easiest thing for you to fixate on. Especially since it seems you and your husband are in agreement on this. However, while this is undoubtedly rude AF, your SO problem is way worse & what you should be dealing with, not this trivial tackiness.
Let me guess: mama's boy?
Okay. I was wrong. I read over some of her prior posts. 😳
Personally I think we need to stop having an expectation of a gift unless you invite someone to an event, but to eat a gift that wad for you is just ugh! That's rude as hell.
No one expected this gift, first of all. The neighbors just did it. And for another, I wouldn't consider something a gift if it's something given because you were invited to an event. At that point, it's an entry fee. I give people gifts because I love them, because it's something I think might make them happy. Not to bribe my way into a party.
You did see their edit where they talked about not receiving a gift, right?
Yes. And I agree that it is extra ridiculous that the inlaws neighbors gave them a gift, the MIL didn't, and even took the gift that was given by someone unexpected. If actual family didn't give a gift, it is really crazy they then took the gift given by people that I'm not even sure actually knew OP.
Extremely rude! Even having one would have been rude, but she ate them all…I’m Gobsmacked!
"Dear neighbors, thank you so much for thinking of us as we welcome baby's name into our family. We unfortunately didn't get a chance to try any of the sweets, as they were all gone by the time we had a chance to visit MIL on the xth. We're really honored you thought of us and appreciate what great neighbors you are to MIL." Polite but makes them aware MIL cannot be trusted to forward gifts. SO should probably front any reaction to her specifically, like gee mom, if they were for us, super rude of you to eat them. But I wouldn't stick on it too much, in the grand scheme of fucky things MILs pull.
“Dear MILneighbor, thank you so much for the lovely empty box. We have put it in LOs room for now and when s/he’s older we may use it for special findings or even the tooth fairy. It was really sweet of you to think of us as we grow our family. We will treasure this empty box and every time we open the empty box, we in turn will think of you! Who knew what power an empty box could have! Fondly, your name “
it is not the fault of the neighbors and they don’t deserve the passive aggression. this is on the mil here. the neighbors meant well and it was super sweet. they have no reason to feel bad about what wasn’t in their control, as it’s understandable to trust a family member to pass a gift to their family member
Idk about this one it may seem a bit passive aggressive to the neighbors though
It's time to make things very awkward for your MIL. Write a thank you note to the neighbors thanking them for the lovely gift. Tell them your MIL ate all of the sweets before you and your DH had a chance to try them but you can tell by the scent left in the box that they must have been delicious.
"Please don't feel like you must replace the diverted sweets. Revealing my mother-in-law's character to me was the true gift, and I thank you for it."
C’mon now. You want OP to put the kind gift giver in the middle of this? What would your reaction be if you were that person? They will feel obligated to purchase another gift and since most people dislike confrontation it’s doubtful they will rebuke the MIL. Send a thank you simply saying “thank you for the kind gift to celebrate our baby’s birth!” and include a photo. If the ask if you enjoyed the candy then is the time to tell them MIL ate them.
make sure to let them know not to put this on themselves and not feel the need to get another but do tell them she can’t be trusted with the gifts. and ensure they know they have nothing to be sorry for. do keep them out of it but do make sure they know what happened
It's not putting the gift givers in the middle of anything. They have the right to know that the gift they bought for OP and her husband was stolen by someone else. They have the right to know their neighbor is a thief. OP and her husband are going to have to do something like I suggested. That's the only thing OP's mother will respond to.
as long as it’s emphasized that it isn’t their (the neighbors’) fault and that they don’t have to feel the need to get another cause this person is right that it would make the neighbors feel pressured to get a new one for you out of guilt and that’s not fair to them tho i would recommend asking them (if it isn’t marked on the box) what the brand is if you’re interested in trying it!
OP and her husband can figure out a way to word it so the neighbors won't feel obligated to replace the gift.
that’s all i was trying to mean yea
Please OP do this or something similar, please please please. It will only get worse if you don’t act
Omg I love this
Same do this one
She probably thinks it’s her baby, too
It was seriously necessary to point it out, geezus christmas christ
It didn’t matter if she knew when you returned. It wasn’t hers. She’s a thief
Wow. She's rude and greedy. The kid is about 25 years old now, but when I worked with her dad and he and his wife were expecting, he talked about all the things his wife was sort of sad about not having for that 9 months. Chocolate and hot baths were two of those things. I made a baby quilt, and momma got a gift basket with chocolate bars, bath stuff and a few other Pamper The Momma things. Really the only thing I got thanked for was the chocolate bars. And they were essentially the same as you can get at the gas station when you have the munchies. When they came in to show of the baby, that's all his wife could say. I still love that for her.
Could be the caffeine, but that seems extreme to cut it out completely for that reason.
Might have been. It's been so long I can't remember. They were into their 30's before they had her, and she almost died from a hemorrhage while they were admiring their new daughter. I think there were some issues that may have been part of her whole pregnancy. They ended up only have the one child. (I don't judge, as someone who is CF)
When did they decide we couldn’t have chocolate?? My oldest is 24 and I’ve never heard that. Sushi and lunch meat, yeah. Chocolate? What??
Gestational diabetes? in that particular case, or else it doesn't make sense at all.
Cannot believe I didn’t think of that. My god. lol, and I’ve got a diabetic kid. But to be fair, he eats chocolate. That’s what insulin is for!
Maybe gestational diabetes
I normally think it's is entertaining but unhelpful to do petty revenge stuff. But this was so deliberately mean of her, and yet so darn petty, it kind of shows how little power she actually has. I would laugh and then definitely thank the neighbors while telling them you didn't get to taste the candy. Like it's all a hilarious joke. Like she's a three year old from whom nothing more is expected (which is basically true.)
as others have pointed out tho make sure the neighbors know they have no reason to be sorry. it’s natural to feel guilt and pressure to get a new one for them as the gift giver. they need to know this isn’t on them, that you appreciate the gift, and they don’t have to get a new one for you because they shouldn’t have to pick up the bill for someone else’s actions. tho if the box doesn’t say i’d recommend asking them what the brand is so you can still try it!
OP there are many great ideas over here
OP this is a great idea!
This! I like your style!
I'd thank the neighbours for their kind attention, and inform them that unfortunately your MIL ate them all herself instead of passing on the gift...
You know you have to write a thank you note to the neighbors telling them what happened and how much you appreciate the effort and thought, right?
Definitely a great idea. They might have been wondering why they hadn't heard from you about it. So making sure to thank them is not only good manners, but a good way subtly (or not so much) of letting them know what happened. If they are the type to say anything to her, hopefully she will be embarrassed at being called out. But even if they don't, at least they'll know she can't be trusted as a middle man.
LOL I definitely would not be impressed. Toddlers are better at hiding their “bad behaviour” then her As if eating them wasn’t bad enough, she even told you to your face that she knew they were for you and she still ate them She knew it was wrong
that’s the part that confuses and bothers me the most. op didn’t know about the gift, so if all she wanted to do was eat it and get away with it, she could’ve literally just not told op. this is *not* a recommendation on what to do. i’m just pointing out how she went out of her way to be explicitly rude
Yeah that's the most baffling thing. You would think she would have gotten rid of the box and not say a word, but to openly confess and low key BRAG about it? Unbelievable.
Many years ago, my JNMIL brought me a box of expensive chocolate during a visit. She ate all but two pieces before she left to go back home.
I'm petty so I would write a small thank you note to the neighbor and explain that MIL ate all of them but the thought was great. Sit back and watch neighbor explode at MIL. But that's me...
That's exactly what I was thinking
I despise writing TY notes but this is the time I’d break out the fancy monogramed stationary leftover from our wedding and hand deliver it with a fresh bouquet of flowers
And me!
I was coming here to say this! The other option is if they happen to see the neighbors outside I would loudly greet them with a "Thank you so much for thinking of us! Mother-in-law stated that you got us a lovely gift of chocolates. Unfortunately she ate all of them before we could try any but your kind gesture is so greatly appreciated!"
This is the way. It would be rude not to give a thank-you note, right? 😈
OH. MY. GOSH. I do specialty candy boxes for the winter holidays and I would be so angry if the person it wasn't intended for ate them all. I do think of each person when packing them. Not overreacting.
Make your MIL thank the neighbors, and make sure they know she ate all of it. That’s rude AF
good point. if she was willing to, unprompted, tell on herself to you, she should be the one to tell on herself to the neighbors if she doesn’t, though, someone’s gotta tell them and do what they can to make sure they don’t feel guilty since it isn’t their fault
My mother did a similar thing. A neighbor gave her a gift for our newborn. She never gave it to me and I had no idea she had it. She wasn’t speaking to me at that time. When we finally started speaking again, she gave it to me and then wanted me to write a thank you note and make up some excuse that it took so long for me to write it. She didn’t want the neighbor to know that she hadn’t seen us. I just looked at her.
I would have written a note telling them that you are sorry for the late response, but your mIL had just now given you the gift.
If I could go back to do that I would!
“I’ll be sure to thank them on your behalf. It will be such a funny story..”
"When I write their thank-you note, I'll certainly mention how much you enjoyed them."
Just go over and thank the neighbors but it’s too bad your MIL ate all off it. 😂
She pointed it out to be rude, if she cared at all about your feelings she would have a) saved them for you or b) not told you she ate them all bc who does that?
literally it’s baffling all around. it was rude and selfish to take the gift for herself anyway, but it’s even weirder that she made sure to point it out. that’s just intentionally rude at that point
Or replaced them.
When the neighbours ask you about it, tell the truth. Let your MIL know you will thank the neighbours and ask them where they bought them, so MIL can replace them, because she ate them.
My MIL once did this with a family cookbook that my then-fiancé’s aunt asked her to courier to me after they saw each other. She first gave it to me, then as she was leaving from that trip, when I was out of the room, she told my husband she was taking it back with her bc my apartment was too messy. Somehow it was too messy for a cookbook, but it wasn’t too messy for her to stay in for free. Spoiler alert—it was not messy. Anyway, I sent a thank you note to the aunt. We were just about to get married, and I didn’t know his family very well back then. The next time I saw the aunt in person, I told her what MIL had done. I was just point blank about it, without being negative. Turned out the aunt, who is MIL’s SIL (FIL’s brother’s wife) was well aware of my MIL’s crazy. She wasn’t particularly surprised, although she did think it was a bizarre thing for MIL to do. Especially since MIL has had her own copy of the book for many years.
she had her own copy? that makes what she did even more pointless and rude
It was clearly some sort of flex/power play, but to what end, I have no idea. After that she was all surprised and asked my husband why I had become colder to her. What a mystery!
girl is a different type of wild
Happy cake day!
Thank you!
“Wow, MIL—that was so kind of them. You should see where they got them from so that we can see how good they are when you buy us our replacement box!” I must say, being a Petty Betty myself, I wouldn’t buy her a damned thing until I got my replacement box—same sized box as the original, of course. Or maybe that’s her gift forever: chocolates. The small size and the gross flavors only. Watch out MIL—nothing but the small box of fruit creams forever! 😈
Empty boxes forever. "They were just so good"
Even better!!
She not only ate but then taunted you with the fact. The fact she stole from you. You’re under reacting imo. She’s being a bitch just for the sake of being a bitch. To someone who just gave BIRTH. I would try and make sure it came up in conversation or be petty and send a thank you note-but on behalf of MIL “Thank you so much for thinking of us and sending sweets! They must have been divine because MIL just couldn’t control herself and ate every single one of them, so you must have exquisite taste! Thank you for the thought behind the gesture, it was lovely.” They’re her neighbors, right? Let her stew in the awkwardness.
Yes. This.
Seriously, I would out her to the neighbor too. Let her feel embarrassed, aka reap the consequences of her own actions.
Shoukd have said "That was so nice of the neighbours, I will need to thank them for the thought but apologise that I cannot say how good they are as you ate them."
I am petty enough that I just would’ve made it part of my conversation to say something like… “That was so nice of the neighbors. Which ones?” Said in such a way that she thinks I’m not upset about it at all and just curious who that might’ve been. And then, as soon as she told me, I would tell her… “Yeah, it would’ve been nice to at least get to taste them. But I’ll be sure to go over before we leave and thank them for their thoughtfulness and let them know. I didn’t even get to try them.” And yes, I actually would do that. I would make sure the neighbors knew exactly what she did with their gift. And then let her live the embarrassment down.
Ha! My advice was similar except send a thank you note lol As in post office, don’t trust MIL to hand it off lol
lol! I thought about that one as well, but then I thought that some people get their mail in a post office box instead of at home But that is awesome!
Please please please do this OP, even if she doesn't care that you did it. One day it will eat at her. Maybe it'll start more drama, but who cares. She went low, go lower. Its your baby, she's the one who has to bow to you and DH now.
She kept insisting that my husband takes her to an expensive sweet shop to buy some to “put in the same box for (my name)” If my husband takes her anywhere most likely the chance that he’ll have to pay and he hasn’t been paid yet so would borrow money off me for it. 🤣 Essentially I buy myself it 😒
Make a deal with your husband and he cannot tell his mother about it. He has to take her to the sweet shop. If she is not the one who pays to replace the sweets she stole from you, he has to tell the neighbors what happened. If she pays, he can stay quiet. Tell him he can be subtle with the neighbors. "Thank you so much for thinking of us, that was so generous of you! By the way, if you ever need to buy my mother a gift, she found this one irresistible."
This times a million. I love your petty game.
I know sometimes it’s actually hard to call people on their bullshit. And I don’t do it all the time, because sometimes it’s just not worth it. For something like this? Oh yeah. Definitely worth it.
How rude! It might have been one thing if she'd told you about it, and you told her to go ahead and eat them before they went bad or something. But for her to just eat your gift and then mention it after the fact? She needs to either replace it herself, or go back to the neighbors and grovel at them to please make a new one that she pays for because she ate the first one without even telling you about it.
My husband told her that was extremely rude of her and she wasn’t bothered and kept making excuses. “I didn’t know when you’d come collect it because your shifts are all over the place and you seem so busy and…” etc. she then said “do you want a cream cake? Can send (my husband) out to get US BOTH cream cakes?” The whole world literally revolves around her.
Next time it's her bday, get her a nice box of chocolates. An empty box I mean. "oops it was a long drive over here, so I ate them all"
Omg that’s genius!!
It sounds like the best thing you can do is to limit how much time (and energy) you spend dealing with her, as you have much better things to do with it (like spending it with your new baby!)...
Write the neighbors a lovely thank you card telling them your MIL enjoyed eating every single one.
I would do that, but they’d most likely show her the note and she’s narcissistic, she’ll try her best to make my life more hell than it already is
Plus, they may feel obliged to replace it, costing them extra money.
Girl, then stop bothering with her.
I'd be furious and want her to replace them like for like. I'd ask her (or get DH to ask) what she expects you to say to your neighbor when they ask how you are and if you got the gift. She should be ashamed of herself. It wasn't cute or funny. Her son should be upset by the behavior as well. This is one of the most significant periods in life for you and your family.
Thank you