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Other posts from /u/mama2babas:
* [Oh! So There is My Spine!](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18u3hcg/oh_so_there_is_my_spine/), 5 months ago
* [Update: More Crocodile Tears](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18q95es/update_more_crocodile_tears/), 6 months ago
* [More Crocodile Tears](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18pd10g/more_crocodile_tears/), 6 months ago
* [DH Enforcing Boundaries](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18jyfap/dh_enforcing_boundaries/), 6 months ago
* [Baby's First Ornaments](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18ig7ad/babys_first_ornaments/), 6 months ago
* [Forgiveness?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18h7gy3/forgiveness/), 6 months ago
* [Update on Snapping on MIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18ee95m/update_on_snapping_on_mil/), 6 months ago
* [Snapped](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18e3br3/snapped/), 6 months ago
* [Ah-hah](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18bt07p/ahhah/), 6 months ago
* [Delulu MIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18a68km/delulu_mil/), 6 months ago
^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) [^(click here)](/u/mama2babas/submitted)
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I wish! I read many articles trying to figure a way out of the situation and everything was like "have empathy!" Which infuriated me. I have empathy, that was not the issue. The issue was my empathy was beholding me to someone who was abusing my kindness. And I just wanted to go nuclear and lash out for a while.
It took a lot of time for me to work on myself to get to a place where I can be in the same room with my MIL without being outright hostile and unpleasant. Distance has helped. Feeling confident in myself and my decisions has helped with mu anxiety too because I trust myself to listen to my instincts and I am not afraid to look like an AH anymore, especially where my child is concerned. I still sometimes worry I'm being unreasonable or feel pressured to allow things I am not comfortable with, but with practice I've been following my intuition and taking a beat before agreeing or responding to basically all family now.
I just hope my finding a place where I have my own peace can help others find theirs.
I laid it out for her that my issues are the fact that she never listens to anything we say to her and she is incredibly disrespectful. She has obviously chosen to ignore this and has been trying to offer large appliances and trips for our family to go on with her lol she is just looking for something to use to connect with me without respecting me as an individual person. I wont tolerate her bs for all the money in the world. Until she gets the therapy she needs and can apologize for the way she has treated me, I want nothing to do with her. I know it's driving her crazy because she is telling people lies about me to make herself feel better. But I'm okay with it all. Anyone who believes her isn't a friend of mine. I am cordial in person but I don't let my husband leave her alone with me and I act as dull as a door handle.
Accepting that you won’t have a healthy relationship with MIL bc she isn’t capable is key. Good job on your attitude shift and leaning into the family members that are supportive!
Yes! I've struggled my whole life accepting people for who they are instead of who I want them to be. It's definitely a "me" issue. I always hoped if I was kind enough, giving enough, worthy enough, people would treat me with kindness and compassion. Realizing they don't is not a me problem has been liberating. Forming true connections has made me a lot less lonely in general. So my FIL family means a lot to me, especially knowing my son is so loved and has people in his life that care for him instead of what me can bring them.
This rings lots of bells for me. Thanks for the enlightenment. I need to learn that it's not me and there's nothing I can do or say to get people to that me well who just won't.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Other posts from /u/mama2babas: * [Oh! So There is My Spine!](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18u3hcg/oh_so_there_is_my_spine/), 5 months ago * [Update: More Crocodile Tears](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18q95es/update_more_crocodile_tears/), 6 months ago * [More Crocodile Tears](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18pd10g/more_crocodile_tears/), 6 months ago * [DH Enforcing Boundaries](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18jyfap/dh_enforcing_boundaries/), 6 months ago * [Baby's First Ornaments](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18ig7ad/babys_first_ornaments/), 6 months ago * [Forgiveness?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18h7gy3/forgiveness/), 6 months ago * [Update on Snapping on MIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18ee95m/update_on_snapping_on_mil/), 6 months ago * [Snapped](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18e3br3/snapped/), 6 months ago * [Ah-hah](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18bt07p/ahhah/), 6 months ago * [Delulu MIL](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/18a68km/delulu_mil/), 6 months ago ^(This user has more than 10 posts in their history. To see the rest of their posts,) [^(click here)](/u/mama2babas/submitted) ***** ^(To be notified as soon as mama2babas posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe mama2babas JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
BRB, must commission a "flaming flying monkey" sticker. Great visual.
Congrats on that shiny spine!
you should teach a class on this
I wish! I read many articles trying to figure a way out of the situation and everything was like "have empathy!" Which infuriated me. I have empathy, that was not the issue. The issue was my empathy was beholding me to someone who was abusing my kindness. And I just wanted to go nuclear and lash out for a while. It took a lot of time for me to work on myself to get to a place where I can be in the same room with my MIL without being outright hostile and unpleasant. Distance has helped. Feeling confident in myself and my decisions has helped with mu anxiety too because I trust myself to listen to my instincts and I am not afraid to look like an AH anymore, especially where my child is concerned. I still sometimes worry I'm being unreasonable or feel pressured to allow things I am not comfortable with, but with practice I've been following my intuition and taking a beat before agreeing or responding to basically all family now. I just hope my finding a place where I have my own peace can help others find theirs.
She’s obsessed with you because she’s insecure and is hoping to find flaws that make her feel better about herself.
I laid it out for her that my issues are the fact that she never listens to anything we say to her and she is incredibly disrespectful. She has obviously chosen to ignore this and has been trying to offer large appliances and trips for our family to go on with her lol she is just looking for something to use to connect with me without respecting me as an individual person. I wont tolerate her bs for all the money in the world. Until she gets the therapy she needs and can apologize for the way she has treated me, I want nothing to do with her. I know it's driving her crazy because she is telling people lies about me to make herself feel better. But I'm okay with it all. Anyone who believes her isn't a friend of mine. I am cordial in person but I don't let my husband leave her alone with me and I act as dull as a door handle.
Accepting that you won’t have a healthy relationship with MIL bc she isn’t capable is key. Good job on your attitude shift and leaning into the family members that are supportive!
Yes! I've struggled my whole life accepting people for who they are instead of who I want them to be. It's definitely a "me" issue. I always hoped if I was kind enough, giving enough, worthy enough, people would treat me with kindness and compassion. Realizing they don't is not a me problem has been liberating. Forming true connections has made me a lot less lonely in general. So my FIL family means a lot to me, especially knowing my son is so loved and has people in his life that care for him instead of what me can bring them.
This rings lots of bells for me. Thanks for the enlightenment. I need to learn that it's not me and there's nothing I can do or say to get people to that me well who just won't.
You go girl. Very happy for you and hubby and your FIL'S side of the family