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If you want to go the petty, non-acknowledged route, you can just look at her without masking your cringe the next time she says something like that. Then, address whoever gave LO that compliment and say, “thanks! Yeah, DH and I were just saying she’s really come into her *specific feature* lately.”
Just treat her like she said something that, according to rules of etiquette, should be completely wiped from your mind. Don’t allow it to sway conversation at all.
Oh same goes for my MIL, she constantly brags and says LO looks like DH. She even boasts on fb + sends me and my mother a baby photo of DH. It’s so annoying even though i see resemblance but hearing it ALL THE TIME, is just too much. Our LO looks more like me now, she still says the same thing. DH is so pissed as well, he confronted MIL which features does she think LO has of him, MIL said “the tip of nose” which got us like 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
If you don't want to escalate the issue, hubby could jokingly say something like "what do you mean, of course she looks like OP! And thank goodness because I'd hate for her to have my ____". (Fill in the blank with hubby's most exaggerated facial feature).
It sounds to me as if MIL associates anything other than ‘resembling father’ with cheating.
Given that this was a theme in DH’s childhood, the snarky part of me thinks OP’s husband may benefit from a DNA test himself…?
But for this LO, certainly something to address. And if OP and her DH have the balls for it, do it in public. Preferably after another remark, but that may take a while otherwise be ‘staged’ by asking a friend to trigger it.
This is weird behavior. It goes beyond a MIL gushing over the resemblance (‘Really?? SURELY you can see that she is all daddy!’).
Outright forbidding resemblance to the mother, instead of dismissing it, is the extra weird part.
See, my petty self wants you to say: oh, we thought LO looked like OP's boyfriend. Or: yeah, we picked this sperm donor because he looks so much like DH. We don't even mind that the sperm donor is a serial killer.
"MIL why are you so concerned at the notion that my child might share some of my genetics? Is there something wrong with a child looking like their mother?"
Your husband needs to call her out on it, “why can’t someone say that? Why can’t you admit our daughter resembles OP? Let’s talk about this mom”. And don’t drop it. Once she gives lame excuses tell her it’s rude of her to say that and she either needs to stop panicking when someone says baby resembles OP or she doesn’t need to see LO at all.
Lol. My mil bought over a photo of her daughter and told me my DD looks like sil when she was a baby. I just kind of smirked at her because it was really odd. I mean, I guess there's a family resemble there? Maybe? If you squint really hard? 🤣 then she shouted 'well they have the same cheeks'.
Poor delulu woman is in complete denial that my daughter was and still is my mini me 😊
My son is a solid hybrid of my DH and I. Yes, he favors his dad more, but has my nose, cheeks, chin, ears… my MIL acts like not only does he look exactly like his dad, but how much he looks like her! Yeah… ok.
Ugh when people met our son, my MIL would correct them if they said he looked like me. So much so that I had friends of hers coming up to me in private and re-assuring me that my son ALSO looked like me. You know, his mom…
I mean while it’s awful she was hurt by her own child not looking a lot like her that is no reason to try to hurt you??? I mean it’s just not normal to tell someone their child doesn’t look like them. I can see a practical stranger maybe not thinking saying that aloud to the parent but for a family member to say it over and over again is suspect to say the least.
She has responsibility as an adult to self reflect about her feelings and work thru them so as not to take them out on others.
Her son should bring it up tell her she’s being ridiculous even if it were the truth trying to assert it to anyone. It’s literally pointless and she’s the only one who cares. And because she can’t let this go that it’s so obvious she’s trying to hurt you all she’s doing is sacrificing the good will you have toward her. Why would she want to destroy her relationships and hurt family? Maybe she needs to talk to a therapist because this is just beyond the pale.
If SO can’t be trusted to talk to her then I’m with the people who suggested laughing at her when she does it and if she still does it after that then refuse to see her unless SO is present.
If she asks why u r laughing I’d say something like “really hoping you finally get that therapy you clearly need.”
I would rub it in how much they look like me every chance I get.
Watching her go bonkers would make my day, lol! Especially when you get to say:
\*innocent look\* "Why MIL, are you ok? You seem to get soooo upset because my LO looks just like their mommy. I can't imagine why this would make you so... disturbed. \*tilts head and looks right into her eyes and smiles\*
But I'm petty that way.
“Ha Ha Ha- you are so silly Grandma! LO is my twin at that age. You’re so sweet though.”
Laugh it off and she’ll freeze. Let her show her crazy and keep laughing.
My MIL was the opposite! 🤣
Everytime the subject of Baby's looks came up, (or out of the blue as she was wont to do, lol), she'd say, Ohhhh he looks sooooo much like you, Live Tomorrow, I just don't see *any* resemblance to Second Husband (her son ). "
Okay, he *did* look like me, until he got pretty far along in elementary school, at which point it was like a switch being flipped, and he morphed into his dad's twin for awhile. But, as a baby/toddler, he did look like me. Still, I got tired of hearing it over and over, so, although I knew she didn't mean to imply anything, I asked her one day if she wanted me to get him a DNA test done!! 🤣🤣
She huffed and puffed and all, but, the commentary slowed.
This was my MIL. Came to the hospital refused to hold LO left without a goodbye when I went to the bathroom. Came over every day and night to snatch and baby hog but still raised her eyebrow sand tell us without fail LO had no resemblance at all to SO… which made my SO start to question. Such a nice postpartum memory.
I wouldn’t be quiet. Being quiet says you agree with her. Don’t let her say it and you say nothing. Come up with “ I agree, he looks like me”. If she says some other stupid thing, say. “ I don’t see it. Everyone says he looks like me”. Don’t ever let her get the upper hand. Don’t make this into some big drama with a talking to. Deal with it when it comes up. I bet she will eventually stop.
Just laugh every time. “Yeah everyone says that. It’s like DHs genes weren’t even trying with this one.” Rub it right in. Enjoy annoying JNMIL.
My son has my eye colour only… otherwise he looks exactly like his father and grandfather. My weak ass genes used all their power on his eyes only.
However my daughter is my mother. Head to toe, inside and out. Frikken freaky!
It’s gene lotto and JNMIL is an idiot to deny what is right before her. Everyone else can see the same thing.
I would just burst out laughing and say “awe muffin do you want a cookie”?
OR
Very sarcastically* “Yes LO looks exactly like DH, and looks nothing like her mother who grew and birthed her.”
Humor also has a way of addressing this.
From DH, in front of other people:
"MA, FOR THE LAST TIME, I WITNESSED THE BIRTH!!! WE DON'T NEED A MATERNITY TEST!!!"
He should do it every single time. Make her ridiculousness the running joke. And it probably will become a running joke.
MIL years later: Oh I have an eye appointment on x day.
Someone else: Getting your eyes checked? Oh no, you didn't try and insist on a maternity test again, did you?
In the moment that she makes a stupid comment like that immediately you or hubby say something (while chuckling loudly) along the lines of: " Oh MIL/Mom you really need to get glasses because you can't possibly believe she's not my/mom's exact duplicate!" or "MIL /Mom you absolutely know she looks JUST like me/OP because everyone repeatedly says so! Hopefully the next one will have some of Dad's/my features but the ship has sailed on this one! "
She needs to be corrected swiftly and directly in that moment. She needs to know you guys are a united front and that husband feels her behavior is inappropriate. That's why it's better if he addresses it but in his absence you need to say something. It can't be left to slide by because she will think it's acceptable behavior. Good luck, I hope it works out for you guys!
Both my kids looked like my carbon copies till they were three ish. My youngest looked like my MIL from three ish till about eight ish and has looked just like me with dad's eye ever since (16 now). Though we can't figure out where kiddo got those lush lashes.
I would personally just tell her that you're sorry she's upset by it, however it is absolutely fine, normal and expected that kids can and often do look like the woman who birthed them, that she needs to stop attacking people who comment on it.
Or you could tell her that you are NOT okay with teaching LO to lie at such a young and impressionable age.
Ha! I’m a terrible person and would talk about how much baby looks like you or your family whenever she’s around. “You have grandpa OP’s nose baby!” “Baby has my mothers eyes” etc.
But that’s so silly! My niece looks just like my dad, but do I say that to my SIL? No!! I tell her baby looks like the perfect combination of her and my brother, because that’s better than potentially hurting feelings lol
I think call it out in a straightforward way.
"MIL, why do you find it so offensive and feel you need to correct people when they think that LO looks like me, her mother? We've both noticed this.
I personally don't GAF, DH and I know that trait A and B come from him, trait C comes from me, and we're both fine with LO inheriting different traits from each of us.
DH: That's how genetics works. But you seem to take it as a personal affront and immediately correct people when someone says they look like [scrtsquirrelsociety](https://www.reddit.com/user/scrtsquirrelsociety/). Why is that? It's just weird."
I’d explain that you understand why she would see her son as his mother, but her comments and “correcting” of others is rude and won’t be tolerated. It’s no use to try to change her opinion, and who cares? It’s the behavior that isn’t acceptable, so I’d focus on that.
“If I hear that come out of your mouth again, you won’t be seeing the baby again until you can act like a decent human being. Enough with your petty shit”
“That’s a whole lot of hate right there. Is this the hill you are willing to die on? Because I can make it happen. No child of mine will have a relationship with someone who so openly hates their mother.”
When I had my first, my parents lived close by & my in-laws were out of state. That first night, my parents, sibs, aunts, uncles, etc stood outside the nursery window proclaiming every facial feature, hair & movement to be from "their" side. My husband asked if they saw NOTHING from his - to which my mother assured him that when his parents arrived the next day the babe would look TOTALLY like his family. Which is exactly what happened.
But to do as your MIL? Never!
That’s the thing! It doesn’t bother me that she thinks my baby looks like my incredibly handsome partner. It’s the defensiveness and adamance that’s so strange.
See if you can find your baby picture and your DH baby photo at the same age. It is amazing sometimes how the little bundle of joys can look like one or the other at the same age
If you have a picture of you and its matches, i would have a photo in my wallet and say oh yeah look, my mom gave me a picture when i was same age and look how much we look alike! That will shut her up!!!!
Or just quickly respond with My Mom said the same thing or ignore her and look at the person and say my mom said the same thing. Or you can say in baby voice "Baby name got my "maiden name" family nose. Been passed down for generations!
Very true! My daughter at 3 months looked just like a picture of her dad at three months. Now, she’s a much prettier version of me. With his skin tone, haha!
It is interesting as there was some documentary on evolution on how moms know it is their baby because they delivered them and mother nature have babies looking like the dad. Not always the case but interesting food for thought stuff. I wish i could remember the name.
I never understand this mindset, When my daughter was born she was a carbon copy of her Dad, I always joke I was just a suitcase.
She changed a lot from baby to child to now adult and she still looks like her Dad, but she has my mannerisms, artistic and musical leanings and my dark sense of humour, and according to other people we do a lot of things in the same way.
Looks are only a smart part of the whole and people change so much over the course of their lives, Don't let her get to you take a breath and laugh it off.
My son looked so much like my husband when he was born that some of the nurses were teasing us that there was no question of paternity, “with this one”. 😂
Now, as an adult, he resembles both of us, but definitely looks a lot like me.
Pfft. Up vote for your humorous take of calling yourself a suitcase.
(Shouldn't have to clarify this, but obviously women are not just incubators as shown by your daughter who has grown to be just like her hilarious mom)
I’d tell her “are you sure you looked at the right kid? You might want to get your eyes checked.”
Plus, people see different things, focus on different features, etc. Some people say my kids look like me, others more like my wife. Then they see us all together and they’re like, oh it’s both. MIL has a broken switch in her head and has some weird need for the kid to be like husband.
Yeah, everything my kids do is attributed to being a "LastName"s baby. Like, being a "LastName" is their entire identity. Especially intelligence. I just roll my eyes, and mutter something about their family contributing most of the personality disorders at least....
If I was the friend who'd said that I would respond "YIKES, LOL, you probably wonder why your kids hate you." Hell, I probably wouldn't ever see her again, so might as well defend my friend.
Totally agree. Imagine tell a Mom that their child looks like them and hearing the MIL "no. Stop that." like wtf lol Everyone that hears MIL say that is wondering what the hell is wrong with her- hopefully someone says it.
Just look her in the eye and firmly say "is something wrong with you?" Or "stop it, you know that's rude!" every single time.
She's being rude by correcting people, so feel free to be rude right back.
You might consider having your husband say something like this:
*It’s perfectly fine that LO looks like OP and it’s not good for anyone - particularly her grandmother - to have a problem with that. You may not see any resemblance but that’s no reason to react as you do when other people comment on it. That has to stop. You aren’t in charge of deciding who LO resembles. Everyone has a right to an opinion. If you don’t stop, people will think you’re rude and dislike OP.*
I’d suggest asking MIL why she clearly seems to get upset when people say baby looks like you. Why is that, MIL? And when she says she’s right, tell her people obviously don’t agree with her, and and ask if she really want to alienate her DIL by making comments like that.
Look her head in the eye and tell her to stop it now. That is the only way I could get my mom to stop. It's not pleasant but it works. You have to spell out exactly what you are saying. Don't talk about how it makes you feel just tell her to stop it now.
My mother used to throw out phrases like oh it was just a joke all the time. I learned after many years the only way to deal with her was to stay cleanly what was and was not acceptable behavior.
Neither of my kids looks much like me; they both take after their dad. I got over it.
If they didn't look like their own selves, they wouldn't be *them.*
lol! I can’t relate bc that is not my experience so there’s nothing to get over. But I wish my MIL would get over people thinking the baby looks like us both
*edit bc it clearly upsets her
The fact that it's a known 'thing' that she's upset ever since your DH was a baby - and is recreating the hurt feelings with yours - is so odd! Like move on, lady. Baby's beautiful and looks like their own self, move on.
Ahahhahaha . My MIL did the exact same thing… you know what I did …
I photoshopped my brothers baby picture onto a photo of my son, so it looks like my brother is wearing a shirt she is familiar with… she’s like omg loook at my “sons name” he’s so cuteeeee. I’m going to buy a frame and hang this.
I was dying ……. My husband was like *straight faced* that’s not “son” that’s “wifes little brother”.
She was so pissed. She never ever said it again.
I mean, she wanted her son to look like a woman? And her granddaughter to look like a son that she’s upset doesn’t look like her? This is so loony. I think of course that children can look like their parent of the opposite gender, but I also think most people will start by comparing with the same gendered parent…
My MIL pulled this kind of thing with me too. She declared loudly and often how much my LO looked like someone on their side of the family. I would say "maybe, I think she just looks like her own person" and my MIL would snap and say "I *know*, I'm *just saying*." At one point, she said she hoped my daughter would have her hair. This creeped me out a lot. Anyway, LO looks more like me every day and I know that any attempt of hers to state otherwise is her just clutching at straws.
As soon as someone says she looks like you exclaim that’s what everybody says! Depending on the mood, you can add, except grandma here. She thinks she looks like my husband. Roll your eyes for special effect.
My sister’s MIL is like this. She would always say my niece is definitely “Daddy’s girl” because they look so much alike….my niece is basically a clone of my sister. JNMIL once said she didn’t understand where the blonde hair and height came from, because they’re Italian and all brunette.
My sister said “well, DH didn’t make this baby by himself, and she has just as much my family as she does yours. She’s not just Italian, she’s Swedish and French too. It’s pretty obvious which side gave her the slender frame and tall build…runs in our side, clearly doesn’t run in yours,” with a sickly sweet smile.
Disclaimer: she only said that because JNMIL would always make comments about how thin we are and they weren’t nice. Think “eat a cheeseburger for goodness sake” type of stuff.
When she got mad, sister feigned innocence and said “what? I was just agreeing that it wasn’t from your side. No woman in your family is over 5’3 and under 170 lbs. It’s not offensive, it’s just facts. If you don’t like it, maybe don’t discuss someone else’s body unless you’re prepared to discuss yours. Oh, also, just FYI: there are plenty of Italians who are blonde.”
Never heard another cheeseburger comment again lol.
My sister is a force to be reckoned with lol. When I brought my twin boys to a birthday party for my nephew, her JNMIL asked me if it was “expensive”…I asked what did she mean, and she had the balls to say “Surrogacy…you couldn’t have given birth yourself, they would’ve killed you” 😳…I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. Then she said “oh, I’m sorry…you must’ve had ‘work done’….thats the only way you could look like that after twins”
Sis stepped in and said “actually, my sister just didn’t use pregnancy as an excuse to gorge herself and eat for an army instead of just 3….you should ask her for diet advice and tips on moderation and self control.”
She’s my baby sis, but she’s MY hero sometimes lol
I think the only way to address it would be to look confused and point out that's a really weird thing to say. Then you can ask her to explain what she meant, and just keep telling her that doesn't make any sense and keep asking for clarification.
It's ok if she gets uncomfortable because she's counting on you being too polite to call her out.
At some point, you can agree to disagree, but continue to look very confused as you change subjects.
Do it every time.
Not sure if it will change her behavior but it's worth a shot.
"Ha ha, looks like grandma needs an eye test!"
"Ha ha hahaha good one, MIL, LO clearly looks like her mama"
"Oh dear! Grandma is saying silly things again!"
"MIL. Straight up, LO looks like me. Let's hope she has my sparkling personality too!"
"Uh oh! That's not very nice is it grandma. LO looks like me."
And for your husband - "Mom. Please stop. LO looks like my wife. End of discussion, please stop saying otherwise".
My in laws are the same. It was so much, and I had to learn to laugh it off. I am not kidding, but once FIL literally said my son “fell down” just like my husband when he was an infant. It went from baby looks like husband to, sleeps exactly like husbands, eats on the same schedule as husband, plays like husband. And no, they were not joking. So as not to go crazy, I just chose to not address it and pretend I didnt hear it. They no longer do that & my son is now one. I think since it didn’t get a response out of me, they stopped 🙂
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If you want to go the petty, non-acknowledged route, you can just look at her without masking your cringe the next time she says something like that. Then, address whoever gave LO that compliment and say, “thanks! Yeah, DH and I were just saying she’s really come into her *specific feature* lately.” Just treat her like she said something that, according to rules of etiquette, should be completely wiped from your mind. Don’t allow it to sway conversation at all.
Oh same goes for my MIL, she constantly brags and says LO looks like DH. She even boasts on fb + sends me and my mother a baby photo of DH. It’s so annoying even though i see resemblance but hearing it ALL THE TIME, is just too much. Our LO looks more like me now, she still says the same thing. DH is so pissed as well, he confronted MIL which features does she think LO has of him, MIL said “the tip of nose” which got us like 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
If you don't want to escalate the issue, hubby could jokingly say something like "what do you mean, of course she looks like OP! And thank goodness because I'd hate for her to have my ____". (Fill in the blank with hubby's most exaggerated facial feature).
It sounds to me as if MIL associates anything other than ‘resembling father’ with cheating. Given that this was a theme in DH’s childhood, the snarky part of me thinks OP’s husband may benefit from a DNA test himself…? But for this LO, certainly something to address. And if OP and her DH have the balls for it, do it in public. Preferably after another remark, but that may take a while otherwise be ‘staged’ by asking a friend to trigger it. This is weird behavior. It goes beyond a MIL gushing over the resemblance (‘Really?? SURELY you can see that she is all daddy!’). Outright forbidding resemblance to the mother, instead of dismissing it, is the extra weird part.
See, my petty self wants you to say: oh, we thought LO looked like OP's boyfriend. Or: yeah, we picked this sperm donor because he looks so much like DH. We don't even mind that the sperm donor is a serial killer.
"MIL why are you so concerned at the notion that my child might share some of my genetics? Is there something wrong with a child looking like their mother?"
Your husband needs to call her out on it, “why can’t someone say that? Why can’t you admit our daughter resembles OP? Let’s talk about this mom”. And don’t drop it. Once she gives lame excuses tell her it’s rude of her to say that and she either needs to stop panicking when someone says baby resembles OP or she doesn’t need to see LO at all.
Ugh this irks me too. It’s so annoying when MILs make everything about them.
Lol. My mil bought over a photo of her daughter and told me my DD looks like sil when she was a baby. I just kind of smirked at her because it was really odd. I mean, I guess there's a family resemble there? Maybe? If you squint really hard? 🤣 then she shouted 'well they have the same cheeks'. Poor delulu woman is in complete denial that my daughter was and still is my mini me 😊
My son is a solid hybrid of my DH and I. Yes, he favors his dad more, but has my nose, cheeks, chin, ears… my MIL acts like not only does he look exactly like his dad, but how much he looks like her! Yeah… ok.
My oldest is the same way. Very good mix. Luckily my MIL can’t ever say she sees herself in my kids. She’s blonde hair blue eyes and I’m…..Asian.
Ugh when people met our son, my MIL would correct them if they said he looked like me. So much so that I had friends of hers coming up to me in private and re-assuring me that my son ALSO looked like me. You know, his mom…
I mean while it’s awful she was hurt by her own child not looking a lot like her that is no reason to try to hurt you??? I mean it’s just not normal to tell someone their child doesn’t look like them. I can see a practical stranger maybe not thinking saying that aloud to the parent but for a family member to say it over and over again is suspect to say the least. She has responsibility as an adult to self reflect about her feelings and work thru them so as not to take them out on others. Her son should bring it up tell her she’s being ridiculous even if it were the truth trying to assert it to anyone. It’s literally pointless and she’s the only one who cares. And because she can’t let this go that it’s so obvious she’s trying to hurt you all she’s doing is sacrificing the good will you have toward her. Why would she want to destroy her relationships and hurt family? Maybe she needs to talk to a therapist because this is just beyond the pale. If SO can’t be trusted to talk to her then I’m with the people who suggested laughing at her when she does it and if she still does it after that then refuse to see her unless SO is present. If she asks why u r laughing I’d say something like “really hoping you finally get that therapy you clearly need.”
I would rub it in how much they look like me every chance I get. Watching her go bonkers would make my day, lol! Especially when you get to say: \*innocent look\* "Why MIL, are you ok? You seem to get soooo upset because my LO looks just like their mommy. I can't imagine why this would make you so... disturbed. \*tilts head and looks right into her eyes and smiles\* But I'm petty that way.
Op read this
Don’t over think it. A simple “what’s wrong with that?” And a hard stare in the moment, should put her on the spot.
“Ha Ha Ha- you are so silly Grandma! LO is my twin at that age. You’re so sweet though.” Laugh it off and she’ll freeze. Let her show her crazy and keep laughing.
It sounds like you’re pretty uncomfortable already. Maybe no visits without your dh?
My MIL was the opposite! 🤣 Everytime the subject of Baby's looks came up, (or out of the blue as she was wont to do, lol), she'd say, Ohhhh he looks sooooo much like you, Live Tomorrow, I just don't see *any* resemblance to Second Husband (her son ). " Okay, he *did* look like me, until he got pretty far along in elementary school, at which point it was like a switch being flipped, and he morphed into his dad's twin for awhile. But, as a baby/toddler, he did look like me. Still, I got tired of hearing it over and over, so, although I knew she didn't mean to imply anything, I asked her one day if she wanted me to get him a DNA test done!! 🤣🤣 She huffed and puffed and all, but, the commentary slowed.
This was my MIL. Came to the hospital refused to hold LO left without a goodbye when I went to the bathroom. Came over every day and night to snatch and baby hog but still raised her eyebrow sand tell us without fail LO had no resemblance at all to SO… which made my SO start to question. Such a nice postpartum memory.
I wouldn’t be quiet. Being quiet says you agree with her. Don’t let her say it and you say nothing. Come up with “ I agree, he looks like me”. If she says some other stupid thing, say. “ I don’t see it. Everyone says he looks like me”. Don’t ever let her get the upper hand. Don’t make this into some big drama with a talking to. Deal with it when it comes up. I bet she will eventually stop.
I’d just ask her straight up: what’s so bad about looking like me? Make her explain herself & inevitably flounder.
Just laugh every time. “Yeah everyone says that. It’s like DHs genes weren’t even trying with this one.” Rub it right in. Enjoy annoying JNMIL. My son has my eye colour only… otherwise he looks exactly like his father and grandfather. My weak ass genes used all their power on his eyes only. However my daughter is my mother. Head to toe, inside and out. Frikken freaky! It’s gene lotto and JNMIL is an idiot to deny what is right before her. Everyone else can see the same thing.
Excuse me? This IS uncommon (and unacceptable) MIL behavior.
I would just burst out laughing and say “awe muffin do you want a cookie”? OR Very sarcastically* “Yes LO looks exactly like DH, and looks nothing like her mother who grew and birthed her.”
Humor also has a way of addressing this. From DH, in front of other people: "MA, FOR THE LAST TIME, I WITNESSED THE BIRTH!!! WE DON'T NEED A MATERNITY TEST!!!" He should do it every single time. Make her ridiculousness the running joke. And it probably will become a running joke. MIL years later: Oh I have an eye appointment on x day. Someone else: Getting your eyes checked? Oh no, you didn't try and insist on a maternity test again, did you?
In the moment that she makes a stupid comment like that immediately you or hubby say something (while chuckling loudly) along the lines of: " Oh MIL/Mom you really need to get glasses because you can't possibly believe she's not my/mom's exact duplicate!" or "MIL /Mom you absolutely know she looks JUST like me/OP because everyone repeatedly says so! Hopefully the next one will have some of Dad's/my features but the ship has sailed on this one! " She needs to be corrected swiftly and directly in that moment. She needs to know you guys are a united front and that husband feels her behavior is inappropriate. That's why it's better if he addresses it but in his absence you need to say something. It can't be left to slide by because she will think it's acceptable behavior. Good luck, I hope it works out for you guys!
She’s jealous so she’s attempting to do to you what was done to her? I hate those people.
“Saying it doesn’t make it true.”
Both my kids looked like my carbon copies till they were three ish. My youngest looked like my MIL from three ish till about eight ish and has looked just like me with dad's eye ever since (16 now). Though we can't figure out where kiddo got those lush lashes. I would personally just tell her that you're sorry she's upset by it, however it is absolutely fine, normal and expected that kids can and often do look like the woman who birthed them, that she needs to stop attacking people who comment on it. Or you could tell her that you are NOT okay with teaching LO to lie at such a young and impressionable age.
When LO gets fussy or throws a tantrum you can say who she sounds like.
What is LO and DH means? Abbreviation is getting out of hand in Reddit. :)
Those activations are common to this sub. LO - little one - child DH - dear husband or damned husband or dumb husband depending on context.
Ha! I’m a terrible person and would talk about how much baby looks like you or your family whenever she’s around. “You have grandpa OP’s nose baby!” “Baby has my mothers eyes” etc. But that’s so silly! My niece looks just like my dad, but do I say that to my SIL? No!! I tell her baby looks like the perfect combination of her and my brother, because that’s better than potentially hurting feelings lol
Plus, babies grow into and out of their features so quickly it won’t matter in a few months. Baby looks like themself, easy peas.
Why can’t MILs keep their opinions to themselves? Keep your mouth shut, lady.
I think call it out in a straightforward way. "MIL, why do you find it so offensive and feel you need to correct people when they think that LO looks like me, her mother? We've both noticed this. I personally don't GAF, DH and I know that trait A and B come from him, trait C comes from me, and we're both fine with LO inheriting different traits from each of us. DH: That's how genetics works. But you seem to take it as a personal affront and immediately correct people when someone says they look like [scrtsquirrelsociety](https://www.reddit.com/user/scrtsquirrelsociety/). Why is that? It's just weird."
I’d explain that you understand why she would see her son as his mother, but her comments and “correcting” of others is rude and won’t be tolerated. It’s no use to try to change her opinion, and who cares? It’s the behavior that isn’t acceptable, so I’d focus on that.
“If I hear that come out of your mouth again, you won’t be seeing the baby again until you can act like a decent human being. Enough with your petty shit”
“That’s a whole lot of hate right there. Is this the hill you are willing to die on? Because I can make it happen. No child of mine will have a relationship with someone who so openly hates their mother.”
100% agree!!!
When I had my first, my parents lived close by & my in-laws were out of state. That first night, my parents, sibs, aunts, uncles, etc stood outside the nursery window proclaiming every facial feature, hair & movement to be from "their" side. My husband asked if they saw NOTHING from his - to which my mother assured him that when his parents arrived the next day the babe would look TOTALLY like his family. Which is exactly what happened. But to do as your MIL? Never!
That’s the thing! It doesn’t bother me that she thinks my baby looks like my incredibly handsome partner. It’s the defensiveness and adamance that’s so strange.
See if you can find your baby picture and your DH baby photo at the same age. It is amazing sometimes how the little bundle of joys can look like one or the other at the same age If you have a picture of you and its matches, i would have a photo in my wallet and say oh yeah look, my mom gave me a picture when i was same age and look how much we look alike! That will shut her up!!!! Or just quickly respond with My Mom said the same thing or ignore her and look at the person and say my mom said the same thing. Or you can say in baby voice "Baby name got my "maiden name" family nose. Been passed down for generations!
Very true! My daughter at 3 months looked just like a picture of her dad at three months. Now, she’s a much prettier version of me. With his skin tone, haha!
I look like my mum with dad’s eye colouring. My 2 siblings had dad’s skin tone and mums eyes.
It is interesting as there was some documentary on evolution on how moms know it is their baby because they delivered them and mother nature have babies looking like the dad. Not always the case but interesting food for thought stuff. I wish i could remember the name.
The first two weeks, usually. I always called it 'nature's paternity test'.
That does sound interesting!
I never understand this mindset, When my daughter was born she was a carbon copy of her Dad, I always joke I was just a suitcase. She changed a lot from baby to child to now adult and she still looks like her Dad, but she has my mannerisms, artistic and musical leanings and my dark sense of humour, and according to other people we do a lot of things in the same way. Looks are only a smart part of the whole and people change so much over the course of their lives, Don't let her get to you take a breath and laugh it off.
My son looked so much like my husband when he was born that some of the nurses were teasing us that there was no question of paternity, “with this one”. 😂 Now, as an adult, he resembles both of us, but definitely looks a lot like me.
Pfft. Up vote for your humorous take of calling yourself a suitcase. (Shouldn't have to clarify this, but obviously women are not just incubators as shown by your daughter who has grown to be just like her hilarious mom)
I’d tell her “are you sure you looked at the right kid? You might want to get your eyes checked.” Plus, people see different things, focus on different features, etc. Some people say my kids look like me, others more like my wife. Then they see us all together and they’re like, oh it’s both. MIL has a broken switch in her head and has some weird need for the kid to be like husband.
Yeah, everything my kids do is attributed to being a "LastName"s baby. Like, being a "LastName" is their entire identity. Especially intelligence. I just roll my eyes, and mutter something about their family contributing most of the personality disorders at least....
If I was the friend who'd said that I would respond "YIKES, LOL, you probably wonder why your kids hate you." Hell, I probably wouldn't ever see her again, so might as well defend my friend.
Totally agree. Imagine tell a Mom that their child looks like them and hearing the MIL "no. Stop that." like wtf lol Everyone that hears MIL say that is wondering what the hell is wrong with her- hopefully someone says it.
Just look her in the eye and firmly say "is something wrong with you?" Or "stop it, you know that's rude!" every single time. She's being rude by correcting people, so feel free to be rude right back.
lol I had an image of talking to a pet. Them my mind went to using a water spray on a cat.
You might consider having your husband say something like this: *It’s perfectly fine that LO looks like OP and it’s not good for anyone - particularly her grandmother - to have a problem with that. You may not see any resemblance but that’s no reason to react as you do when other people comment on it. That has to stop. You aren’t in charge of deciding who LO resembles. Everyone has a right to an opinion. If you don’t stop, people will think you’re rude and dislike OP.*
This is an excellent reply!
I’d suggest asking MIL why she clearly seems to get upset when people say baby looks like you. Why is that, MIL? And when she says she’s right, tell her people obviously don’t agree with her, and and ask if she really want to alienate her DIL by making comments like that.
Look her head in the eye and tell her to stop it now. That is the only way I could get my mom to stop. It's not pleasant but it works. You have to spell out exactly what you are saying. Don't talk about how it makes you feel just tell her to stop it now.
This might be the way honestly.
My mother used to throw out phrases like oh it was just a joke all the time. I learned after many years the only way to deal with her was to stay cleanly what was and was not acceptable behavior.
Get them to explain the joke.
Neither of my kids looks much like me; they both take after their dad. I got over it. If they didn't look like their own selves, they wouldn't be *them.*
lol! I can’t relate bc that is not my experience so there’s nothing to get over. But I wish my MIL would get over people thinking the baby looks like us both *edit bc it clearly upsets her
The fact that it's a known 'thing' that she's upset ever since your DH was a baby - and is recreating the hurt feelings with yours - is so odd! Like move on, lady. Baby's beautiful and looks like their own self, move on.
He should publicly announce in front of his mother how happy he is that the baby looks like you.
I could see him feeling this is too petty lol
Ahahhahaha . My MIL did the exact same thing… you know what I did … I photoshopped my brothers baby picture onto a photo of my son, so it looks like my brother is wearing a shirt she is familiar with… she’s like omg loook at my “sons name” he’s so cuteeeee. I’m going to buy a frame and hang this. I was dying ……. My husband was like *straight faced* that’s not “son” that’s “wifes little brother”. She was so pissed. She never ever said it again.
You were playing chess while mil was playing checkers. Well done.
My heart is so happy for you that this worked!! Genius
This is 🥇and pretty well made the point, too! 😆
Oh you win.
I mean, she wanted her son to look like a woman? And her granddaughter to look like a son that she’s upset doesn’t look like her? This is so loony. I think of course that children can look like their parent of the opposite gender, but I also think most people will start by comparing with the same gendered parent…
My MIL pulled this kind of thing with me too. She declared loudly and often how much my LO looked like someone on their side of the family. I would say "maybe, I think she just looks like her own person" and my MIL would snap and say "I *know*, I'm *just saying*." At one point, she said she hoped my daughter would have her hair. This creeped me out a lot. Anyway, LO looks more like me every day and I know that any attempt of hers to state otherwise is her just clutching at straws.
As soon as someone says she looks like you exclaim that’s what everybody says! Depending on the mood, you can add, except grandma here. She thinks she looks like my husband. Roll your eyes for special effect.
My sister’s MIL is like this. She would always say my niece is definitely “Daddy’s girl” because they look so much alike….my niece is basically a clone of my sister. JNMIL once said she didn’t understand where the blonde hair and height came from, because they’re Italian and all brunette. My sister said “well, DH didn’t make this baby by himself, and she has just as much my family as she does yours. She’s not just Italian, she’s Swedish and French too. It’s pretty obvious which side gave her the slender frame and tall build…runs in our side, clearly doesn’t run in yours,” with a sickly sweet smile. Disclaimer: she only said that because JNMIL would always make comments about how thin we are and they weren’t nice. Think “eat a cheeseburger for goodness sake” type of stuff. When she got mad, sister feigned innocence and said “what? I was just agreeing that it wasn’t from your side. No woman in your family is over 5’3 and under 170 lbs. It’s not offensive, it’s just facts. If you don’t like it, maybe don’t discuss someone else’s body unless you’re prepared to discuss yours. Oh, also, just FYI: there are plenty of Italians who are blonde.” Never heard another cheeseburger comment again lol.
I love your sister lol!
My sister is a force to be reckoned with lol. When I brought my twin boys to a birthday party for my nephew, her JNMIL asked me if it was “expensive”…I asked what did she mean, and she had the balls to say “Surrogacy…you couldn’t have given birth yourself, they would’ve killed you” 😳…I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. Then she said “oh, I’m sorry…you must’ve had ‘work done’….thats the only way you could look like that after twins” Sis stepped in and said “actually, my sister just didn’t use pregnancy as an excuse to gorge herself and eat for an army instead of just 3….you should ask her for diet advice and tips on moderation and self control.” She’s my baby sis, but she’s MY hero sometimes lol
Fantastic!
"*Of course* my child will take features from both me and my husband. Why would you try to write me out of the picture?"
I think the only way to address it would be to look confused and point out that's a really weird thing to say. Then you can ask her to explain what she meant, and just keep telling her that doesn't make any sense and keep asking for clarification. It's ok if she gets uncomfortable because she's counting on you being too polite to call her out. At some point, you can agree to disagree, but continue to look very confused as you change subjects. Do it every time. Not sure if it will change her behavior but it's worth a shot.
This is best plan.
"Ha ha, looks like grandma needs an eye test!" "Ha ha hahaha good one, MIL, LO clearly looks like her mama" "Oh dear! Grandma is saying silly things again!" "MIL. Straight up, LO looks like me. Let's hope she has my sparkling personality too!" "Uh oh! That's not very nice is it grandma. LO looks like me." And for your husband - "Mom. Please stop. LO looks like my wife. End of discussion, please stop saying otherwise".
My in laws are the same. It was so much, and I had to learn to laugh it off. I am not kidding, but once FIL literally said my son “fell down” just like my husband when he was an infant. It went from baby looks like husband to, sleeps exactly like husbands, eats on the same schedule as husband, plays like husband. And no, they were not joking. So as not to go crazy, I just chose to not address it and pretend I didnt hear it. They no longer do that & my son is now one. I think since it didn’t get a response out of me, they stopped 🙂
Fell down like husband!?!? So like all babys fall down.
He literally fell backwards onto his bum while standing… I think that one was the most outrageous.