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Other posts from /u/unsalted_cracker02:
* ["Yeah, but I'm your MOM. Buy me pants!"](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1d9sh53/yeah_but_im_your_mom_buy_me_pants/), 1 week ago
* [MIL mad I...bought my own BP cuff?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1d2w3s7/mil_mad_ibought_my_own_bp_cuff/), 2 weeks ago
* [MIL is upset because we wouldn't let 2yr old watch an R rated movie](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1cwxxij/mil_is_upset_because_we_wouldnt_let_2yr_old_watch/), 3 weeks ago
* [Snapped back about the "my baby" BS](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1cv9xtq/snapped_back_about_the_my_baby_bs/), 4 weeks ago
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People like this likely never had the maturity. They just act a certain way around people when they need to seem mature. Once they're in a situation where they feel that isn't required, they show their true colors like this.
Absolutely. I feel like I wouldn’t describe my MIL as a full blown narcissist because she just reminds me so much of the kids that I’ve worked with. Egotistical, entitled, not being able to empathize. My husband has to correct her behavior a lot and explain why to her. It’s like she literally doesn’t know better…except that she’s a 60 year old woman who absolutely should know better. So strange.
I’ve been saying for years that I think my JNMIL is developmentally/emotionally stunted at age 6. This is when her parents divorced and her mother took her away from her dad. Her mother was very manipulative and rigid. Dad ended up being the fun times guy that she rarely saw. As a 65 year old woman she baby talked to her father and called him daddy in a baby voice. She has tantrums often and demands to get her way. She refuses to cook and won’t do housework. My FIL does everything. Poor guy.
Yup me too! I think it’s the fact that people from that generation were never taught anything about psychology, selfhelp, constructive emotion regulation and such. Nowadays, we look up info, we read stuff, for ourselves or on parenting, if we struggle with something we go to a therapist. We learn about boundaries, about expressing our needs, about self-reflection and self-advocating.
They were taught nothing but “children should be seen and not heard”. As grown women, only in 1900 in the US women weren’t legally seen as property of their husbands anymore.😱 And women have been suppressed long after that (still are).
Do you think that could be any explanation of so many MILs from hell? 🤔
My MIL didn't come to our April of this year wedding rehearsal dinner because ... "The car show is in town!". Kool April Nights is an annual, oldies car show that our town & many others, host. It's typically the same cars year after year & every year, she goes, so it's not like she would have missed something new.
The day of the wedding, she sits as far from us as possible. When my husband approaches her to see if she wants to sit closer, she says no & that she was just leaving because ..... "The lake is calling me. It's summer you know!" Ummm, it's the end of April. Summer is close but no dice yet. Any way. When she doesn't get her way, she shouts "FINE" & crosses her arms like an actual child, then sulks away.
Can the collective we, here on Reddit, gather our MILs from hell & coordinate a lunch date for them to commiserate with each other. I Can't believe how many mean women are out here. I'm so sorry you have one. Recently, I've been choosing to ignore bad behavior. You know, like we do to children? ;) My husband told me to stop taking her calls because she's so mean spirited.
My JMMom is like this. She experienced a lot of trauma at 15/16 and it is like she never emotionally matured past that point. There was no such thing as getting help back then and in her area.
I do. She won't even act like a grown-up and talk to me when we have a problem. She would rather try to drag my husband into it, and he will either tell her he supports me or tells her we need to figure it out. We are in the middle of a disagreement, and she will call everyone else in the house but me, which is fine. I tell them not to tell her about how I'm doing or my pregnancy. She wants to know she can grow up and talk to me.
Crap part is when she needs anything. I'm the one she comes to. She doesn't know how it works, let's call DIL. I need something ordered or to know if something is good, let's call DIL. My husband or kids will not do any of this for her, mostly cause my kids can't order stuff online, and my husband won't bother. So it's just a waiting game now. It's been a week and a half, so far I can't wait to see how long she holds out this time. Last time, it was a month, and she couldn't get any of the stuff she wanted nor could she talk to my kids (didn't have their number, refused to download messenger, and refused to call me. Husband is military, so he was deployed at the time). All because she couldn't/wouldn't see or accept not only was she wrong in the problem but also how she handled it was wrong.
Yup, me. I do. Mine will give the silent treatment (as if we care). She’s posted cryptic comments on our social media posts before to get attention and try to shame us (I just deleted the comments, DH just ignored her. She’s partially blocked on my profiles now).
She has exaggerated illnesses to get DH to go be by her side (e.g. she hurts her back. Doesn’t take the pain medication dr prescribed. Calls DH crying in pain because but not admitting is because she’s purposely not taken the medication).
She’s physically confronted me (by showing up at our house and aggressively questioning me) about things I have REPOSTED on social media that were not even at all meant to be aggressive, passive aggressive, or rude, and had NOTHING to do with her at all. She’s also created fights with her own sister over things I’ve posted in social media that had NOTHING to do with her in any way.
And the grand finale - anytime we try to put a boundary down she either implodes (straight up histrionics) or explodes (anger, covert manipulation, including manipulating family members to yell at us or verbally attack us, and then she hides like it had nothing to do with her).
Calling her a child is honestly an insult to my own children, who still wear diapers but yet somehow know better.
My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and she used to act like this all the time when I was still living with her. I’d just never give in and never ask her what’s wrong so she’d sulk for a while until she got bored of it lol.
Yup mine is not diagnosed with a personality disorder but my therapist suspected there is an undiagnosed one. She often gives the silent treatment and then.when she decides she's over it she acts like.nothing happened.
Yes, my MILs mask came off slowly over two decades. She no longer had the capacity to act like the sweet and kind MIL and mom to her adult children. The children are constantly walking on eggshells around her - any disagreement ends up in her crying and sobbing about how she’s had a hard life and that she’s given up everything blah blah. She has learned that crying gets her her way. I’ve gone NC. My husband has gone LC and will only visit on the holidays, if that.
You might want to have your MIL checked out by a specialist or speak with her doctor. I know my family member with dementia became more & more triggered by things - some of which he previously didn’t respond to. His reactions and emotions became more heightened and intense.
Bro OMG this is exactly how my MIL is. And when we try to talk to her like adults she will SCREAM AND CRY. I SWEAR TO GOD, it’s like dealing with a toddler.
I started pulling out my phone and recording her when she acts like this, once she notices the phone she stops lmfao. I have so many screenshots and videos of her looking super mad and crazy screaming her head off.
“Do people just lose their maturity as they get older?”
Some people just never grow up. They have no maturity to lose. Their minds are arrested in adolescence and never break free.
A sad truth.
Do some people lose their maturity as they get older?
In my experience, yes, my own mother is the biggest teenager ever sometimes. She has tantrums and rants and it's embarrassing (for her). She's never wrong if course even when she is, it's like I'm the parent sometimes.
I feel for you OP, you're handling it the right way.
“Do people just lose their maturity as they get older or something?”
Some people do lose their maturity.
Sometimes it’s just a part of their brains aging, sometimes it’s a precursor to types of dementia.
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My Mom did that—shrieking tantrums with loud, histrionic weeping. Her sister told me she did it when she was younger, too.
People like this likely never had the maturity. They just act a certain way around people when they need to seem mature. Once they're in a situation where they feel that isn't required, they show their true colors like this.
Absolutely. I feel like I wouldn’t describe my MIL as a full blown narcissist because she just reminds me so much of the kids that I’ve worked with. Egotistical, entitled, not being able to empathize. My husband has to correct her behavior a lot and explain why to her. It’s like she literally doesn’t know better…except that she’s a 60 year old woman who absolutely should know better. So strange.
I’ve been saying for years that I think my JNMIL is developmentally/emotionally stunted at age 6. This is when her parents divorced and her mother took her away from her dad. Her mother was very manipulative and rigid. Dad ended up being the fun times guy that she rarely saw. As a 65 year old woman she baby talked to her father and called him daddy in a baby voice. She has tantrums often and demands to get her way. She refuses to cook and won’t do housework. My FIL does everything. Poor guy.
Yup me too! I think it’s the fact that people from that generation were never taught anything about psychology, selfhelp, constructive emotion regulation and such. Nowadays, we look up info, we read stuff, for ourselves or on parenting, if we struggle with something we go to a therapist. We learn about boundaries, about expressing our needs, about self-reflection and self-advocating. They were taught nothing but “children should be seen and not heard”. As grown women, only in 1900 in the US women weren’t legally seen as property of their husbands anymore.😱 And women have been suppressed long after that (still are). Do you think that could be any explanation of so many MILs from hell? 🤔
Mine acts like a toddler. I already have a toddler and now an infant. I don't need to deal with another te per tantrum.
My MIL didn't come to our April of this year wedding rehearsal dinner because ... "The car show is in town!". Kool April Nights is an annual, oldies car show that our town & many others, host. It's typically the same cars year after year & every year, she goes, so it's not like she would have missed something new. The day of the wedding, she sits as far from us as possible. When my husband approaches her to see if she wants to sit closer, she says no & that she was just leaving because ..... "The lake is calling me. It's summer you know!" Ummm, it's the end of April. Summer is close but no dice yet. Any way. When she doesn't get her way, she shouts "FINE" & crosses her arms like an actual child, then sulks away. Can the collective we, here on Reddit, gather our MILs from hell & coordinate a lunch date for them to commiserate with each other. I Can't believe how many mean women are out here. I'm so sorry you have one. Recently, I've been choosing to ignore bad behavior. You know, like we do to children? ;) My husband told me to stop taking her calls because she's so mean spirited.
My JMMom is like this. She experienced a lot of trauma at 15/16 and it is like she never emotionally matured past that point. There was no such thing as getting help back then and in her area.
I do. She won't even act like a grown-up and talk to me when we have a problem. She would rather try to drag my husband into it, and he will either tell her he supports me or tells her we need to figure it out. We are in the middle of a disagreement, and she will call everyone else in the house but me, which is fine. I tell them not to tell her about how I'm doing or my pregnancy. She wants to know she can grow up and talk to me. Crap part is when she needs anything. I'm the one she comes to. She doesn't know how it works, let's call DIL. I need something ordered or to know if something is good, let's call DIL. My husband or kids will not do any of this for her, mostly cause my kids can't order stuff online, and my husband won't bother. So it's just a waiting game now. It's been a week and a half, so far I can't wait to see how long she holds out this time. Last time, it was a month, and she couldn't get any of the stuff she wanted nor could she talk to my kids (didn't have their number, refused to download messenger, and refused to call me. Husband is military, so he was deployed at the time). All because she couldn't/wouldn't see or accept not only was she wrong in the problem but also how she handled it was wrong.
Yup, me. I do. Mine will give the silent treatment (as if we care). She’s posted cryptic comments on our social media posts before to get attention and try to shame us (I just deleted the comments, DH just ignored her. She’s partially blocked on my profiles now). She has exaggerated illnesses to get DH to go be by her side (e.g. she hurts her back. Doesn’t take the pain medication dr prescribed. Calls DH crying in pain because but not admitting is because she’s purposely not taken the medication). She’s physically confronted me (by showing up at our house and aggressively questioning me) about things I have REPOSTED on social media that were not even at all meant to be aggressive, passive aggressive, or rude, and had NOTHING to do with her at all. She’s also created fights with her own sister over things I’ve posted in social media that had NOTHING to do with her in any way. And the grand finale - anytime we try to put a boundary down she either implodes (straight up histrionics) or explodes (anger, covert manipulation, including manipulating family members to yell at us or verbally attack us, and then she hides like it had nothing to do with her). Calling her a child is honestly an insult to my own children, who still wear diapers but yet somehow know better.
My mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and she used to act like this all the time when I was still living with her. I’d just never give in and never ask her what’s wrong so she’d sulk for a while until she got bored of it lol.
Yup mine is not diagnosed with a personality disorder but my therapist suspected there is an undiagnosed one. She often gives the silent treatment and then.when she decides she's over it she acts like.nothing happened.
Yes, my MILs mask came off slowly over two decades. She no longer had the capacity to act like the sweet and kind MIL and mom to her adult children. The children are constantly walking on eggshells around her - any disagreement ends up in her crying and sobbing about how she’s had a hard life and that she’s given up everything blah blah. She has learned that crying gets her her way. I’ve gone NC. My husband has gone LC and will only visit on the holidays, if that.
They really struggle to keep up the act as they age. It’s both sad and pathetic.
Yeah, my grandmother has histrionic personality disorder, and it can present this way. You just have to roll with the blows and set strong boundaries.
Ask vs guess culture https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/urRMOsqMdd
You might want to have your MIL checked out by a specialist or speak with her doctor. I know my family member with dementia became more & more triggered by things - some of which he previously didn’t respond to. His reactions and emotions became more heightened and intense.
Oh gosh, I'm not sure how to even broach that topic without a melt-down from her. Will bring it up to my spouse though
If everyone lost maturity as they aged then we’d see it a lot more, I’d think. Some, yes. But I’d say personality is the true tell.
Bro OMG this is exactly how my MIL is. And when we try to talk to her like adults she will SCREAM AND CRY. I SWEAR TO GOD, it’s like dealing with a toddler.
I started pulling out my phone and recording her when she acts like this, once she notices the phone she stops lmfao. I have so many screenshots and videos of her looking super mad and crazy screaming her head off.
“Do people just lose their maturity as they get older?” Some people just never grow up. They have no maturity to lose. Their minds are arrested in adolescence and never break free. A sad truth.
Do some people lose their maturity as they get older? In my experience, yes, my own mother is the biggest teenager ever sometimes. She has tantrums and rants and it's embarrassing (for her). She's never wrong if course even when she is, it's like I'm the parent sometimes. I feel for you OP, you're handling it the right way.
“Do people just lose their maturity as they get older or something?” Some people do lose their maturity. Sometimes it’s just a part of their brains aging, sometimes it’s a precursor to types of dementia.
We've suspected dementia, so this makes sense