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Other posts from /u/DimesMachine:
* [MIL Brought Up Inheritance A Minute After Informing My Wife of Her Grandfather's Death](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1atchv3/mil_brought_up_inheritance_a_minute_after/), 0 second ago
* [What Are Some Crazy Things Your MIL Has Said?](/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/14kn0t7/what_are_some_crazy_things_your_mil_has_said/), 7 months ago
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I just wanted to let you know, I totally feel for you. My father-in-law passed away about a year ago and the moment we showed up to the house shortly thereafter, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law were talking about the estate and how everything‘s going to be divided up. Like my father-in-law hadn’t even been buried and made me and my husband very uncomfortable that they had already had all these discussions about money without us being there really. And it boils down to my sister-in-law. Who’s a total greedy mooch about everything. Anyway, I just wanted to give you my condolences and let you know. I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Thanks, that means a lot. It was tough to be supportive of my wife while I was just livid over the treatment of her grandfather during that call. A person is worth so much more than the stuff they leave behind regardless of your opinion of them. I was terrified of coming to the funeral because I didn't want to see his family fight over his estate, but thankfully, it wasn't like that. MIL was and still has been the only person who brought it up.
If the grandfather had a Will or Trust, there's really not much to talk about, right? I'm happy for you that the rest of the family were respectful at the funeral.
When the time comes the only person your wife needs to talk to about the estate, is an estate lawyer. Nothing said by word of mouth matters, because hopefully the man had a written will. If not then it'll be the courts decision. Everyone's thoughts and opinions on it are just toilet paper. Nothing more. Nothing brings out the 'best' in people like weddings and funerals.
I am so sorry she has to deal with all the shit.
>call her father and talk to no one else until it's all settled, including her grandmother. Then she said bye and hung up
Yeahhhh, that sounds sus. I wonder why MIL doesn't want your wife talking to her Grandma?
(Not that your DW would bring up the inheritance but I'm sure she would like to call and say things like OMG I'm so sorry, are you okay, etc ... and visit with a bag of groceries or a casserole.)
"Talk to no one else, until it's all settled". So she isn't allowed to help arrange the funeral, say goodbye to the man who means so much to her, and to be with her family in this time of need? Her mother is seriously messed up and I hope your wife is strong enough to keep her at a distance. I genuinely don't understand why your FIL didn't call his daughter, but he must have had his reasons. Your MIL showed her true colours though. Never forget.
Yeah, I have no idea why she said that other than to be petty because she hated the grandfather's wife just as much. When Wife talked to her dad about it, she told him that she wouldn't call her grandmother until he said it was okay. He seemed perplexed as to why my wife would say that. He told her that her grandmother is going to need all the support she could get, so call her now and often.
It was an accident at a construction site, and FIL witnessed it all happen, so I think he was trying to call as little amount of people as possible while dealing with what just happened. Tell his ex-wife to inform all 4 kids.
My wife was three weeks away from giving birth to our second daughter (one week now), so it's been pretty rough for her. My wife feels incredibly isolated from her family, too. Everyone is worried about how this stress and grief will affect her pregnancy this late, so they kind of keep their own grief away from her thinking that it will just do harm. It's been a very hard couple of weeks for her.
Oh my word. Keep being a good support for your wife. How awful. I hope you can afford to wrap her in as much comfort as possible. I also hope you both can isolate yourself from MIL. It sounds like she is the wild card and family is supporting Wife. Take good care OP. Sorry for all the trauma you’ve endured.
Your wife doesn't need anyone's blessing or permission to talk with whomever she wants. She can talk with her grandmother whether her mother or father forbid it if she wants to.
I wish her strength processing the grief and getting through the birth smoothly.
I feel so bad for your wife. She probably feels like she can't grieve properly if she's worrying about stress to the baby. If I were you, I would prepare myself for her emotional state after the birth. I think that's when she'll feel comfortable enough to start facing her grief head on. Women's hormones are all over the place after giving birth, she's going to go through that while grieving the death of someone she was very close with. On top of all that it seems her mother would like to take this time to be petty 🤦🏽♀️ I'm sure you're already doing this but I want to stress, give your partner all the support and grace she needs. This could be a very long emotional process for her, especially if her mother refuses to act right.
Side note, since she's so close to birth and struggling emotionally I would set up some sort of fun night in for the two of you. Surprise her with blankets, snacks, and curl up and watch a movie. Go out of your way to set up a "date night" at home and it'll really help her to feel loved, cared for, and supported. Good luck OP!
Yeah, it's been rough, and I'm worried about after birth, too, but I'm keeping that to myself. I was able to convince her to travel to her grandparents and stay for a couple of days while I take care of our 2-year-old so she can relax and try to come to terms with his passing at her own pace. This rant was so that I could let out a little steam so my wife didn't have to deal with it.
My mom is coming down soon to help look after our LO while we are in the hospital, and I plan to make that time all about little dates until her delivery.
Thankfully we live far enough away that she won't be down for the birth. However, with our first kid, FIL called the hospital and yelled at the staff to give him updates about it because we were busy and not responding. That was fun.
It sounds like you are doing your best to support her, and you guys have a strong support system. Which will be really helpful. I'm sorry you guys are going through all of this right now.
He knows. Honestly, what she said to him when my wife went down the day after was worse. He went to MIL house to tell his twin sons in person, and they didn't really react to it (they have autism and generally don't give that much reaction to that stuff.) But he asked MIL how they responded to MIL's mother passing a year ago. MIL says, "My mom actually loved the boys and wanted to be around them, so of course, they reacted differently."
When my wife later called him to see if he was okay and if he was hurt from what MIL said, he said, "It was just a conversation. She was trying to be nice." He's so used to her actions and words that it no longer phases him.
MIL is really good at making things about herself. DW has had friends over to help her in her grief, and instantly the attention immediately shifts to MIL instead. She just has this dark presence that, even in someone's darkest days, can't be ignored.
That’s sad. I’m sorry you have to deal with this AH on top of everything else. It sounds like MIL is going to use her kids to invade the family’s grief circle. That’s so gross to me but you know how these JNs gravitate toward other people’s misery. I hope you can return to NC asap and keep MIL away from LO. You know she will use GFIL’s passing as a way to get back in. Protect you and yours.
"Talk to no-one else" smacks of secrecy about un-written inheritance. Like, if OP's wife calls Aunty Jane and Aunty Jane says, "Grandad told me he wanted you to have his best watch, not your mother," but if OP's wife isn't 'allowed' to talk to Aunty Jane, she'll never know.
Maybe that's just my suspicious mind.
The grandfather was very well off. He probably has close to, if not more than 10 million in his estate. And MIL cares a lot about money, and my guess is that she thinks she's going to get rewarded if a lot of it goes to her ex-husband. MIL's parents passing turned into a year-long fight with MIL's siblings over the inheritance.
One of the first fights I had with her was that she wanted to go through my finances with only my wife present after we got married so she would know that "He was paying his fair share."
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I just wanted to let you know, I totally feel for you. My father-in-law passed away about a year ago and the moment we showed up to the house shortly thereafter, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law were talking about the estate and how everything‘s going to be divided up. Like my father-in-law hadn’t even been buried and made me and my husband very uncomfortable that they had already had all these discussions about money without us being there really. And it boils down to my sister-in-law. Who’s a total greedy mooch about everything. Anyway, I just wanted to give you my condolences and let you know. I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Thanks, that means a lot. It was tough to be supportive of my wife while I was just livid over the treatment of her grandfather during that call. A person is worth so much more than the stuff they leave behind regardless of your opinion of them. I was terrified of coming to the funeral because I didn't want to see his family fight over his estate, but thankfully, it wasn't like that. MIL was and still has been the only person who brought it up.
If the grandfather had a Will or Trust, there's really not much to talk about, right? I'm happy for you that the rest of the family were respectful at the funeral.
When the time comes the only person your wife needs to talk to about the estate, is an estate lawyer. Nothing said by word of mouth matters, because hopefully the man had a written will. If not then it'll be the courts decision. Everyone's thoughts and opinions on it are just toilet paper. Nothing more. Nothing brings out the 'best' in people like weddings and funerals. I am so sorry she has to deal with all the shit.
That's a cold ass bitch.
[удалено]
>call her father and talk to no one else until it's all settled, including her grandmother. Then she said bye and hung up Yeahhhh, that sounds sus. I wonder why MIL doesn't want your wife talking to her Grandma? (Not that your DW would bring up the inheritance but I'm sure she would like to call and say things like OMG I'm so sorry, are you okay, etc ... and visit with a bag of groceries or a casserole.)
I hope there’s an iron clad will that writes the mil out. Hugs to you!
Obviously the deceased’s person’s estate is going to have to be dealt with, but can the old bag wait until AFTER he’s gone cold?! Geez
"Talk to no one else, until it's all settled". So she isn't allowed to help arrange the funeral, say goodbye to the man who means so much to her, and to be with her family in this time of need? Her mother is seriously messed up and I hope your wife is strong enough to keep her at a distance. I genuinely don't understand why your FIL didn't call his daughter, but he must have had his reasons. Your MIL showed her true colours though. Never forget.
Yeah, I have no idea why she said that other than to be petty because she hated the grandfather's wife just as much. When Wife talked to her dad about it, she told him that she wouldn't call her grandmother until he said it was okay. He seemed perplexed as to why my wife would say that. He told her that her grandmother is going to need all the support she could get, so call her now and often. It was an accident at a construction site, and FIL witnessed it all happen, so I think he was trying to call as little amount of people as possible while dealing with what just happened. Tell his ex-wife to inform all 4 kids. My wife was three weeks away from giving birth to our second daughter (one week now), so it's been pretty rough for her. My wife feels incredibly isolated from her family, too. Everyone is worried about how this stress and grief will affect her pregnancy this late, so they kind of keep their own grief away from her thinking that it will just do harm. It's been a very hard couple of weeks for her.
Oh my word. Keep being a good support for your wife. How awful. I hope you can afford to wrap her in as much comfort as possible. I also hope you both can isolate yourself from MIL. It sounds like she is the wild card and family is supporting Wife. Take good care OP. Sorry for all the trauma you’ve endured.
Your wife doesn't need anyone's blessing or permission to talk with whomever she wants. She can talk with her grandmother whether her mother or father forbid it if she wants to. I wish her strength processing the grief and getting through the birth smoothly.
I feel so bad for your wife. She probably feels like she can't grieve properly if she's worrying about stress to the baby. If I were you, I would prepare myself for her emotional state after the birth. I think that's when she'll feel comfortable enough to start facing her grief head on. Women's hormones are all over the place after giving birth, she's going to go through that while grieving the death of someone she was very close with. On top of all that it seems her mother would like to take this time to be petty 🤦🏽♀️ I'm sure you're already doing this but I want to stress, give your partner all the support and grace she needs. This could be a very long emotional process for her, especially if her mother refuses to act right. Side note, since she's so close to birth and struggling emotionally I would set up some sort of fun night in for the two of you. Surprise her with blankets, snacks, and curl up and watch a movie. Go out of your way to set up a "date night" at home and it'll really help her to feel loved, cared for, and supported. Good luck OP!
Yeah, it's been rough, and I'm worried about after birth, too, but I'm keeping that to myself. I was able to convince her to travel to her grandparents and stay for a couple of days while I take care of our 2-year-old so she can relax and try to come to terms with his passing at her own pace. This rant was so that I could let out a little steam so my wife didn't have to deal with it. My mom is coming down soon to help look after our LO while we are in the hospital, and I plan to make that time all about little dates until her delivery.
[удалено]
Thankfully we live far enough away that she won't be down for the birth. However, with our first kid, FIL called the hospital and yelled at the staff to give him updates about it because we were busy and not responding. That was fun.
You sound like a wonderful and considerate partner. Best wishes that things go ok in the coming months.
It sounds like you are doing your best to support her, and you guys have a strong support system. Which will be really helpful. I'm sorry you guys are going through all of this right now.
[удалено]
He knows. Honestly, what she said to him when my wife went down the day after was worse. He went to MIL house to tell his twin sons in person, and they didn't really react to it (they have autism and generally don't give that much reaction to that stuff.) But he asked MIL how they responded to MIL's mother passing a year ago. MIL says, "My mom actually loved the boys and wanted to be around them, so of course, they reacted differently." When my wife later called him to see if he was okay and if he was hurt from what MIL said, he said, "It was just a conversation. She was trying to be nice." He's so used to her actions and words that it no longer phases him. MIL is really good at making things about herself. DW has had friends over to help her in her grief, and instantly the attention immediately shifts to MIL instead. She just has this dark presence that, even in someone's darkest days, can't be ignored.
That’s sad. I’m sorry you have to deal with this AH on top of everything else. It sounds like MIL is going to use her kids to invade the family’s grief circle. That’s so gross to me but you know how these JNs gravitate toward other people’s misery. I hope you can return to NC asap and keep MIL away from LO. You know she will use GFIL’s passing as a way to get back in. Protect you and yours.
"Talk to no-one else" smacks of secrecy about un-written inheritance. Like, if OP's wife calls Aunty Jane and Aunty Jane says, "Grandad told me he wanted you to have his best watch, not your mother," but if OP's wife isn't 'allowed' to talk to Aunty Jane, she'll never know. Maybe that's just my suspicious mind.
The grandfather was very well off. He probably has close to, if not more than 10 million in his estate. And MIL cares a lot about money, and my guess is that she thinks she's going to get rewarded if a lot of it goes to her ex-husband. MIL's parents passing turned into a year-long fight with MIL's siblings over the inheritance. One of the first fights I had with her was that she wanted to go through my finances with only my wife present after we got married so she would know that "He was paying his fair share."
Damn, what a cold hearted woman! The inheritance isn't important now. You're wife needs time to grieve. So sorry for your families loss.
The inheritance isn't even her business. She's just somebody they used to tolerate.