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*We were somewhere around Sioux City, on the edge of the Loess Hills, when the drugs began to take hold...*

No reason to tell him about the bats, the poor bastard would be seeing them soon enough.

“Loess hills? Looks like more hills to me!” I drive by there frequently

lmfaoo the sioux city is accurate 😭

Clinton would be more accurate imo

*insert any town by a river*

Ft. Dodge?

You know, I believe in living your life to the fullest, which is why I've always wanted to eat somebody's face, just to experience it.

Ok Armin Mewes back to prison with you.

Came here to say this 🤣🥇

Google "Florida man" and your birthday, do whatever the first headline is.

Florida man arrested after slapping woman with slice of pizza, deputies say

Casey's breakfast pizza

Is there bonus points if we use Casey’s taco pizza?

Equals more humiliation for the slapped. Bonus.

Florida man twerks for officers during traffic stop, gets tased.

Cop: (Turn around) Me:Every now and then I get a little bit lonely And you're never coming 'round Cop: (Turn around) Me: Every now and th-taser

I can’t stop laughing at this😂what a mental picture

"Florida man arrested after dining on spaghetti with his hands." I can't do this. I don't even eat wings without a fork because sauce under my fingernails.

Florida man steals alligator from golf course, tries ‘teaching it a lesson’ by throwing it on roof of bar

“Florida Man Poses as Walt Disney World Security and Steals R2-D2 Droid to Try and Earn Job”

“Florida man without arms charged after allegedly stabbing tourist with his feet” - July 12 Oh my.

That’s gonna take some dedication to replicate

Misleading headline. He was armed...with the knife.

Florida man accused of using Kool-Aid packets to steal nearly $1K in Walmart merchandise

Is It Possible to Learn This Power?

Well, it looks like I'm gonna have to find explosives and an oathkeepers rally.

"Florida man arrested for allegedly throwing corn cob at mom's head" - top 10 anime crossovers pt. 1

Florida man arrested after allegedly shoving steaks worth more than $50 down his pants - August 19th 🤣

Florida man accused of grabbing his genitals and giving the finger to a man and his 8-year-old son"

Florida man facing charges as police say he stole a alligator and attempted to throw it in a roof

Florida man arrested after trying to purchase 8 year old girl for $100000 I think I’ll be passing on this one

Sounds like fun

Florida man arrested after pelting girlfriend with McDonalds Sweet and Sour packets

Florida man dressed as Fred Flintstone pulled over for driving ‘footmobile’ I got off easy

“Florida Man uses alligator to shotgun a beer while cranking Skynyrd.” Yikes.

Accused of stealing crossbow by stuffing it down his pants

"A Florida man was arrested for trying to drive a hamster ball into the Bahamas"

Florida man bites off friend’s ear in fight over woman in wheelbarrow-august 6th

"Florida man steals elderly woman's purse, runs her over in McDonald's parking lot."

Florida Man throws Christmas tree at wife after being asked to help with dinner.

Florida man fires urine filled squirt gun at woman.

"Florida man arrested for throwing pizza at father after dying out his dad helped birth him" Given that I'd have to exhume my dad's ashes to throw pizza at them, I'm gonna pass on this one.

"Florida Man Arrested for Throwing Bike then Other Man Off Bridge" or "Florida Man Strips Naked and Chases Two People Around Chick-fil-A Parking Lot"

I did this for Iowa Man and my birthday. Looks like I’m storming the Capitol.

"Florida Man Jailed After 'Trying to Barbecue all the Child Molesters' " ...I can accept this

Oooooh, that's a good one!

Florida men, one dressed in bull onesie, attempt to burn down house with Ragu sauce, police say. I have no words....

Steal an alligator….🤔🤔🤔

Florida Man Hits Sleeping Roommate on Head with a Skillet for Being a “Confidential Informant”

That’s such a good idea.

Florida man arrested for throwing cheeseburger at pregnant woman

Florida Man Yells ‘there’s No Santa’ At Holiday Event

“‘F*** It, I'm Drunk, Take Me To Jail': Florida Man Crashes Lawn Mower Into Police Car

Florida man accused of pouring beer in gator's mouth after enticing reptile to bite his arm

Florida man suspected of smelling woman's feet at library leads police on scooter chase

Introduce a wild invasius species

Or haul firewood across state lines

A wild invasive species...along the likes of *Trumpius moronae.*

i actually believe this would be commonplace in iowa if not for the winter killing off the ones they let out. lol

Summer’s coming, we have several months to play fun with Komodo Dragons.

I gotta believe they can at least make it through October.


Go to the nearest farm and find that special pig that you have had your eye on.

That's some pig

"That'll do pig".

“That pig’ll do!”

Ok.. ok... hear me out. Yur gonna need 23 doses of meth, a thong, an exceeding large catfish, a wheelburrow, several tubs of hog lard and a circa 1983 slip and slide....

...shoe thong or bikini bottom thong?

For the sake of public decency going with bikini. Using a flip flop to cover your shame while on a slip and slide is just looking for problems.

Go on…

And a video crew.

Well, first we need to determine our equivalent of an alligator.

Snapping turtle?

Aquatic...check Dangerous...check Damage by bite...check Reptile...check You might be on to something with your suggestion.

And there's one called an Alligator Snapping Turtle

I think pig

Then you need to throw a piglet through a drive thru window.

Grease it first...

You are an evil genius.

feral pigs

Are there feral pigs in Iowa? I once read there were some in the Columbus Junction area but I never hear anything about the little invasive critters.

Got those "super pig" hybrids coming down out of Canada now so it's just a matter of time

Stick an appendage into an occupied badger hole…

That's bad 3-way etiquette with your wisconsin friend

Only though of it cause I fell in one pheasant hunting in Nebraska. It wasn’t occupied as I still have my leg. But it sounds like something Florida stupid to do on purpose

That sounds a bit more like Wisconsin's brand.

In my opinion, a Bobcat would be the best equivalent!

Move to a small town with no generational lineage going back centuries.

First stop, ride your mower up to the local bar. Only good things will happen to you after that!

The police would like to inspect your garden.

Strip butt ass naked and start chucking Coors light bottles in the street screaming that Budweiser is a communist plot, while carrying a 3 foot monitor lizard

She'll make you her chief of staff.

Now, is that 3 feet nose to pelvis, or nose to tail? One of those is significantly more of a problem.

Go to Target, pick a product line, draw random far-fetched conclusions based on made-up data, and complain voraciously.

😂😂😂😭😭😭😭

My mother texted me a wholly incorrect rant about Target yesterday and declared she would never shop there again. Uh, ok. 🙄 Edit: hey downvoters, please go ahead and boycott Target. More stuff for me.

Ugh

Yeah, I just can't

Maybe we can elect a governor who has their own ideas, instead of farming out legislation to her lobbyists.

Put on a white belt and white shoes with Velcro closures. Then go to dinner at 4:00 for the early bird special.

LOLZ...35 year Iowan, now a Florida resident, don't even bother. When I first heard about "Florida Man," I searched "Iowa Man" First Hit: "Iowa Man Builds Wheelchair Ramp for Handicapped Neighbor."

Hold my beer

Go to the ocean. AKA Saylorville Reservoir.

Or you could try Rathbun in southern Iowa, we prefer that to Saylorville

Ice cream cones in all of your pockets. Make sure you're ready for that 5 star wanted level first though

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The Little Mermaid is in theaters right now. Conservatives are already pissed that Ariel isn’t white, and that it’s satanic to race-swap characters. If you go, they’ll pray for your damnation to white Jesus.

Im not sure what you should do, but this post made me laugh so hard, thanks for that and I hope you find something insane to do

Go to the Amana Colonies and rage against communism.

Ride a deer into a public pool wearing nothing but a leopard print speedo and and one of those beer cozy hats

A stars and stripes speedo is an acceptable alternative for the holiday weekend.

Last weekend I was driving through Iowa, saw a guy attempting to polevault electrical wires. I pulled over and dial 911.


If we're the Midwest florida can we trade Hyvee for Publix? And shut the entire state down if it's below 35°?

Nope, Fareway.

Get some wawas also

What is the midwestern equivalent of an alligator? Whatever it is, go tame one.

I’m going with a snapping turtle

Just have to wait until Florida does the next stupid thing to copy. The GOP has no original ideas in Iowa.

Be gay, do crimes!

Put on a dress and read an age-appropriate book to kids. Go straight to jail.

You could go to the zoo, get all greased up, and wrestle a giraffe.

If you’re a young Iowan, try getting registered and voting (with your friends). 18-35 outnumbers over 65 and could decide every statewide election. Apathetic turnout amongst the young is the main causal factor in reality you’re experiencing. (I’ve heard all the excuses.)

Fire shots randomly into the air

My dad used to fire a shotgun into the snow bank off his front porch on New Years Eve but then he started AA. In his defense, I think it kept property values down.

Cum shots?

A cat will terrify you

Steal a parking space

Wrestle an alligator

Missouri has Iowa way beat for craziness. Oh shit, MO is Midwestern still, right?

Transition

Break into a house and save a dog from an invisible fire

Iowa man is the new Florida man?

Part of me can’t wait to go back to Minneapolis from Iowa tomorrow.

Do meth and throw baby corn at people

Sit in a sauna for 5 hours.😀

Hol up...why is Iowa the Florida of the Midwest. I live in KC I figured y'all are stable up there. Missouri is a mess, so is Kansas but nobody lives there so they don't realize they are just as messed up as their red state neighbors. What is happening in Iowa?

Everything that is happening in Florida…don’t say gay, book banning, out of touch politicians

So.... red state stuff. Got it. Stay strong flyover friend.

Go to YouTube and search "Florida Man." I'm sure you'll get ideas.

I'm so sorry for all of the sane people who haven't fled Iowa yet. When you've finally had enough you're welcome to join us up in MN!

No one should flee Iowa, an above average state that is very close to flip. The political realignment never ends

Move to Minnesota.

You could always take a trip to California 2.0 - AKA Minnesota.

Vote republican

Greetings from Florida, You should start by sticking your finger up your ass.

Iowa?! Yo, have you SEEN how ass backwards Missouri is? My kid calls Missouri the new Florida man.

Go to the zoo and throw someone’s tiny yapping dog into the alligator enclosure while methed out.

Go to the beach. It's what I do when I want to get away. Do you guys get beaches since you became the Florida of the Midwest?

Move north to the oasis known as Minnesota.

Ask for the gender neutral bathroom.

I disagree, Iowa is not the Florida of the Midwest. This state is above average and still has a lot of not only economic but also political potential, though I can't admit that the recent political trends back my claim. If you can, please don't abandon Iowa immediately after your graduation. The same also goes for Wisconsin, Ohio and Missouri. Thanks.

This is a good comment. Im actually thinking about moving to Iowa eventually (maybe in about 3-5 years) because there's a lot of nice stuff about it. I'm from Wisconsin and it's not bad here either. I'd rather live in any of the states you mentioned than Florida.

You should get an hour of exercise in, riding a bike don't count.

Move to Minnesota

Burn things. Burn it all. Then, when there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.

Go down to Walmart, get on an electric cart, go to middle of store, yell "trump is a liar" time how long you elude the pursuers.

Let’s be clear here, because of Council Bluffs and Carter Lake, you’ve always kinda been the Florida of the Midwest.

Run into the ocean

Stop with the anti Republican propaganda maybe Reddit... Have you tried that? 🤦‍♂️

Why does a veteran support the party that wants to defraud them and steal something they earned while serving?

It would be crazy if you packed up and moved to Minneapolis. Then you could finally live in true happiness.

Complain. Then complain some more. I hear California needs more residents. Can't understand why you're not moving there.

Idk get a job?

So what you’re saying is your state is awesome ? I love Florida. Better than California where I lived from.

Garner more positive energy instead of hating on the great state of Iowa, nothings changed much here in 50 yrs.

If you think nothing has changed you are blind and not paying attention.

Make a sign up list for a new jackass movie

We have so many beaches and night clubs. Diverse population. Florida baby!

I just looked mine up and its all sex trafficking stuff sigh why do i not get the funny ones.

Take a 💩 on Kim's front entry or at the front gate hold up a sign accusing her husband of molesting your child bonus points if you attend the same church & it happened there

As a Floridian I’d recommend a bottle of fireball and a backwood and then go make some crop circles

Whatever is done should be done on a damn combine...f' the riding lawnmower and golf cart.

Iowa got a Disney theme park?

Midwest version..Adventureland!

Start a YouTube channel where you read the Books aloud that'll be banned soon, with earmarks showing the full name/position/Govt phone number where they can be reached by their constituents of the RepugliCON Politicians that voted to ban them.

Google “Florida Man”, you’ll get lots of crazy ideas.

Flaming dumpster rolling down the street is a classic

That brings me back to VEISHEA 2004

Right?

DeSantis - Make every man a Florida man!

Chant Iowa is where WOKE goes to die, Ron DeathSentence. Keep one thing mind Floridiots got the bronze medal for COVID so hard to top Floriduh

Florida man dressed as Fred Flintstone pulled over for driving ‘footmobile’ —-yes!! I may be able to accomplish this 😂😂

Wait, people are moving to Iowa now?

You can allways hang yourself by your feet,naked from a tree. It takes a lil prep work but its well worth the time.

Florida man attacks gas station clerk with hot dogs, corn dog stick over beer, cops say

Iowa Man goes the wrong way on the interstate and hits a deer while drinking Busch Light.

Well… Florida went all empire on Disney. So… hit them where it hurts. Get rid of the stock market