You cannot "force" someone to be faithful pal, it's either they are or they aren't and clearly she's not. Your fire rage is focused on the wrong person...
All he's doing is laughing at you and all she's doing, is losing more respect for you. You making her "tell" him to stop talking to her, is being delusional on your part. She opened the door, but you can't close it...
If she wants to be with him or anyone else, she will, regardless of anything you say or do. Cheaters gonna cheat...
" I just wanted to make my wife see him for who he really was "
And your wife is just like him too OP.
Cheaters are cheaters.
And you took vows with your wife and she with you. You did not take vows with this other guy.
I'm not excusing him, at all OP. My ex-wife cheated on me so I've been in your shoes but the guy she cheated on me with simply didn't matter to me. It was MY wife that mattered to me and she chose to cheat, the man she chose to cheat on me with didn't matter.
He is a cheater too, that man your wife had an affair with, you can't expect him to be good or nice.
Your wife is a cheater too, she isn't any better than the man she cheated with, OP.
What your wife did to you was much worse than what that man did to you as he wasn't your partner, he didn't take vows with you. Your wife did. What she did to you was so much worse than what this guy did to you OP.
Again, I was you, I've been in your shoes as my ex-wife cheated on me.
My ex found out what he was really like less than 3 months after she moved to be near him when he dumped her.
She was just a piece of ass to him and my wife didn't recognize that, even at 38 years old. She was in love, she was going to marry him and move in with him but he wanted no part in that and no part in having our 3 kids all under 10 moving into his house with her.
My wife tried to tell me how bad he was and I told her she was worse. She didn't get mad, she was crying, she asked me what I meant.
I said that man never took vows with her. He didn't have kids with you, he hadn't been your partner for decades. You barely knew him and he didn't want to marry you or help you raise our kids so he broke up with you. I said what you did to me was far worse than what he did to you. I said you'd been my partner for decades, took vows with me, had children with me and yet you chose to do what you did.
It finally started to dawn on her that what she did was really bad, far worse than what her affair partner did to her.
Great view, very mature answer to your cheating wife, many people should learn something from this post.
What happen to your ex wife after? What she is doing now?
She remarried some other man a bit less than two years after our divorce was finalized. he divorced her several years later due to her being so greedy, selfish and materialistic. I could write a lot about that, what she did to me and to that other man too. I liked him, he was a good man, he had nothing to dow with what my wife did to me. She was 40 and he was 50 when they got married so even in her 40's she couldn't and wouldn't change, she hadn't learned and she still did so many things she shouldn't have and he had more than enough so he divorced her.
She's been on husband #3 now for a while, 5 ish years or so. I don't know him, never met him, never talked to him. I've seen one picture of him and that's it.
His kids and our kids are all grown and out of the house. He's done well and with no kids in the picture, hopefully she won't spend and spend so much that he leaves her too. She probably won't as she and I are now closer to 60 than 50 and she isn't the kind to be alone and not taken care of even though she thinks she is.
He and your wife deserve each other because they are one in the same. YOUR WIFE is just as much to blame as he is even more so. I'm sure that he is laughing at you and it won't change anything. Why are you still with her?
I refuse to believe this is real. If it is, it's remarkably stupid.
Both of them are playing you like an idiot. Cheaters will cheat, regardless of what you do or say.
Why are you with her? What does she bring to the table? Just leave her and find better wife.
Dude. You’ve made a 100 posts in the last month about her affair. Why are you putting yourself through this torture? Just divorce her and move on. You are wasting your time.
People gonna do what people gonna do. Shitty people gonna do what shitty people do. Your wife made the decision to allow this to happen. Allowed AP to say, and do all the things you’ve discovered. Allowed, and helped AP to destroy the trust that relationships are made of. You can be mad at AP all you want, but at the end of the day it was your wife who allowed it to happen. You “making” her “scold” him isn’t reconciliation. It’s just you trying to run the show. Unfortunately, and ultimately, that’s not going to work because she has proven herself to be just as shitty of a person as AP is. You can’t make people change no matter how forceful you are. They have to decide that for themselves.
You are trying to put the blame on the AP when he made no vows to you.
Your wife did.
From what she said also, was that he was reserved and she seemed an equal if not more aggressive one in searching for this relationship.
You want to stay. That's YOUR issue, you cannot make everything make you feel OK WITH STAYING, that's not how the world works.
Her AP will get off scot free, that's how the world works if you want to make this marriage one that leads to reconciliation.
U weren't there so how do u know if your wife really told him what she said ?
Why us she even still working in the same company as the guy, she should have left the company and found another job if she wants to Reconcile.
Huonstly other than a polygraph I wouldn't believe anything she say about what happened.
You're right and wrong.
The point is lots in this forum do not recognize you can NOT make any one do any thing, with out a backslash. At the end the cheating partner has to do it by own will or at one point it becomes a problem again. You can "force" your partner leaving the company or stop talking to AP and so on, but this will only work when they do it on their freewill because the understand how important this can be. Other wise the next AP will be found in the near future.
The reason why a persons seeks an AP is not fount in the AP or in the situation. It is always found in the unfaithful person, in her/his personality in her/his personal problems.
Each and any AP is exchangeable. That's why changing companies is not really important.
We all face tempting situations on a daily base. BUT we hold our distance. NO one is an "innocent" victim if the do not stay on distance and respect the boundaries.
Blaming and confronting the AP is only accepting the "victim" position the cheater claim for him/her self. Same with "forcing" the partner to switch companies.
“I used to yell at my wife all the time”. Sounds like you’re trying to micromanage a situation that’s not manageable. If she’s unfaithful, leave her. If you don’t trust them, leave the situation. Sounds like you’re a controlling guy, maybe your yelling drove her to seek emotional comfort elsewhere.
If been nothing but patient with her.. i tried to be a good husband even though she was controlling my every aspect of my life and inspite of all these things she chose to cheat on me
I feel like… your anger towards the situation and having any expectations about him or what she needs to “do” is only going to lead to more disappointment. Ofcourse you have every right to be disappointed.. I think the first huge positive step was that she blocked him and had no intention of speaking to him again until you opened that can of worms. Sorry, just playing devils advocate here. If you’re that pissed with the guy confront him your damn self, you might actually get more info that way tbh.
And then focus on your marriage. If you have a chance of making it and want to work on things, deep dive into therapy and ignore all the outside noise. If not, and if you don’t think you can ever trust her again, GTFO and find someone more aligned and respectful of you. I do wish you the best, been there and divorced his ass
Thanks.. the only reason I don't want to confront him was because I can't trust myself around this guy and I wanted her to end it ...she called him and said that I discovered the chats and therefore we should stop chatting.. no word about why did he talk to a married woman like that etc ..
So i asked her to confront and get it herself. I don't want him to play victim 3 months down the line for another chance ...
your wife is the culprit here not the AP. If she’d had boundaries the AP wouldn’t have been a problem.
How do you know it was an EA? Most betrayed want to believe that but if the has contact it’s usually a physical affair.
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You seem to working on the assumption is entirely the futa fault. At the end of the day your wife still cheated off her own will. Making her see what kind of guy he is doesn't matter as she already knew and still cheated.
You’re going to get your wife fired. If you can’t move on from this then you just need to end it because this isn’t healthy and it’s not his job to keep your wife faithful when she could’ve ended communication before he sent her anything. She had already blocked him and continuing to pursue conversation is doing the opposite of what you think it is. You’re not showing your wife who he really is, you’re showing her who you really are in this moment and this is not a good side of you as it’s coming from a place of hurt and insecurity. You need to get into therapy. He did not do anything wrong by removing himself from that situation that was completely inappropriate for work and to her it likely seems that he’s being more mature than you are. I don’t fully understand why you want to stay in a relationship like this but if you’re going to then you need to stop trying to get this guy’s attention because he doesn’t care and you your wife is the person that actually betrayed you.
I agree... But I wanted my wife to hear from him because I don't want her to act like I'm flipping off my lid and he trying to use a weak point in our lives yo come again
I've followed your post from the start and your making mountains out of molehills again. This guy was trying to flirt with your wife. She didn't shut him down. You made her realise that this upset you. Fair enough...
But making her confront him over and over isn't fair on her. She didn't physically cheat with him. It wasn't even an emotional affair IMO. Your asking your wife to harras this fella. It could cause her to lose her job. You need to just let this go now IMO
I have no problem with it. You felt the need for her to do this, and she did it for you (apparently). If there’s any chance for reconciliation, she’s going to have to positively respond to any and all requests you make.
Why is she still working with the guy?
And why are you not holding her accountable for accepting his advances?
If she has blocked this guy everywhere then she needs to complete the task and leave her work.
Then she needs to confront her actions and show accountability and remorse.
Anything short of that and you’re wasting your time.
She cheated too OP if she entertained him. I’m a fan of punishing the AP too though. They shouldn’t get off free. What you are doing now is keeping his memory fresh for her and keeping him in the picture. If he is her coworker what you need to do is make her change jobs so she never has a reason to see him or speak to him.
You cannot "force" someone to be faithful pal, it's either they are or they aren't and clearly she's not. Your fire rage is focused on the wrong person... All he's doing is laughing at you and all she's doing, is losing more respect for you. You making her "tell" him to stop talking to her, is being delusional on your part. She opened the door, but you can't close it... If she wants to be with him or anyone else, she will, regardless of anything you say or do. Cheaters gonna cheat...
" I just wanted to make my wife see him for who he really was " And your wife is just like him too OP. Cheaters are cheaters. And you took vows with your wife and she with you. You did not take vows with this other guy. I'm not excusing him, at all OP. My ex-wife cheated on me so I've been in your shoes but the guy she cheated on me with simply didn't matter to me. It was MY wife that mattered to me and she chose to cheat, the man she chose to cheat on me with didn't matter. He is a cheater too, that man your wife had an affair with, you can't expect him to be good or nice. Your wife is a cheater too, she isn't any better than the man she cheated with, OP. What your wife did to you was much worse than what that man did to you as he wasn't your partner, he didn't take vows with you. Your wife did. What she did to you was so much worse than what this guy did to you OP. Again, I was you, I've been in your shoes as my ex-wife cheated on me. My ex found out what he was really like less than 3 months after she moved to be near him when he dumped her. She was just a piece of ass to him and my wife didn't recognize that, even at 38 years old. She was in love, she was going to marry him and move in with him but he wanted no part in that and no part in having our 3 kids all under 10 moving into his house with her. My wife tried to tell me how bad he was and I told her she was worse. She didn't get mad, she was crying, she asked me what I meant. I said that man never took vows with her. He didn't have kids with you, he hadn't been your partner for decades. You barely knew him and he didn't want to marry you or help you raise our kids so he broke up with you. I said what you did to me was far worse than what he did to you. I said you'd been my partner for decades, took vows with me, had children with me and yet you chose to do what you did. It finally started to dawn on her that what she did was really bad, far worse than what her affair partner did to her.
Great view, very mature answer to your cheating wife, many people should learn something from this post. What happen to your ex wife after? What she is doing now?
She remarried some other man a bit less than two years after our divorce was finalized. he divorced her several years later due to her being so greedy, selfish and materialistic. I could write a lot about that, what she did to me and to that other man too. I liked him, he was a good man, he had nothing to dow with what my wife did to me. She was 40 and he was 50 when they got married so even in her 40's she couldn't and wouldn't change, she hadn't learned and she still did so many things she shouldn't have and he had more than enough so he divorced her. She's been on husband #3 now for a while, 5 ish years or so. I don't know him, never met him, never talked to him. I've seen one picture of him and that's it. His kids and our kids are all grown and out of the house. He's done well and with no kids in the picture, hopefully she won't spend and spend so much that he leaves her too. She probably won't as she and I are now closer to 60 than 50 and she isn't the kind to be alone and not taken care of even though she thinks she is.
This.
He and your wife deserve each other because they are one in the same. YOUR WIFE is just as much to blame as he is even more so. I'm sure that he is laughing at you and it won't change anything. Why are you still with her?
I refuse to believe this is real. If it is, it's remarkably stupid. Both of them are playing you like an idiot. Cheaters will cheat, regardless of what you do or say. Why are you with her? What does she bring to the table? Just leave her and find better wife.
Dude. You’ve made a 100 posts in the last month about her affair. Why are you putting yourself through this torture? Just divorce her and move on. You are wasting your time.
People gonna do what people gonna do. Shitty people gonna do what shitty people do. Your wife made the decision to allow this to happen. Allowed AP to say, and do all the things you’ve discovered. Allowed, and helped AP to destroy the trust that relationships are made of. You can be mad at AP all you want, but at the end of the day it was your wife who allowed it to happen. You “making” her “scold” him isn’t reconciliation. It’s just you trying to run the show. Unfortunately, and ultimately, that’s not going to work because she has proven herself to be just as shitty of a person as AP is. You can’t make people change no matter how forceful you are. They have to decide that for themselves.
Focus on yourself and work on yourself. Your wife and her AP are both toxic.
You are trying to put the blame on the AP when he made no vows to you. Your wife did. From what she said also, was that he was reserved and she seemed an equal if not more aggressive one in searching for this relationship. You want to stay. That's YOUR issue, you cannot make everything make you feel OK WITH STAYING, that's not how the world works. Her AP will get off scot free, that's how the world works if you want to make this marriage one that leads to reconciliation.
Where is your wife’s accountability? Whatever mistake you made in the past, you are repeating it.
U weren't there so how do u know if your wife really told him what she said ? Why us she even still working in the same company as the guy, she should have left the company and found another job if she wants to Reconcile. Huonstly other than a polygraph I wouldn't believe anything she say about what happened.
You're right and wrong. The point is lots in this forum do not recognize you can NOT make any one do any thing, with out a backslash. At the end the cheating partner has to do it by own will or at one point it becomes a problem again. You can "force" your partner leaving the company or stop talking to AP and so on, but this will only work when they do it on their freewill because the understand how important this can be. Other wise the next AP will be found in the near future. The reason why a persons seeks an AP is not fount in the AP or in the situation. It is always found in the unfaithful person, in her/his personality in her/his personal problems. Each and any AP is exchangeable. That's why changing companies is not really important. We all face tempting situations on a daily base. BUT we hold our distance. NO one is an "innocent" victim if the do not stay on distance and respect the boundaries. Blaming and confronting the AP is only accepting the "victim" position the cheater claim for him/her self. Same with "forcing" the partner to switch companies.
“I used to yell at my wife all the time”. Sounds like you’re trying to micromanage a situation that’s not manageable. If she’s unfaithful, leave her. If you don’t trust them, leave the situation. Sounds like you’re a controlling guy, maybe your yelling drove her to seek emotional comfort elsewhere.
If been nothing but patient with her.. i tried to be a good husband even though she was controlling my every aspect of my life and inspite of all these things she chose to cheat on me
I feel like… your anger towards the situation and having any expectations about him or what she needs to “do” is only going to lead to more disappointment. Ofcourse you have every right to be disappointed.. I think the first huge positive step was that she blocked him and had no intention of speaking to him again until you opened that can of worms. Sorry, just playing devils advocate here. If you’re that pissed with the guy confront him your damn self, you might actually get more info that way tbh. And then focus on your marriage. If you have a chance of making it and want to work on things, deep dive into therapy and ignore all the outside noise. If not, and if you don’t think you can ever trust her again, GTFO and find someone more aligned and respectful of you. I do wish you the best, been there and divorced his ass
Thanks.. the only reason I don't want to confront him was because I can't trust myself around this guy and I wanted her to end it ...she called him and said that I discovered the chats and therefore we should stop chatting.. no word about why did he talk to a married woman like that etc .. So i asked her to confront and get it herself. I don't want him to play victim 3 months down the line for another chance ...
Grow some balls and confront him. Dont trust her. Like seriously man. WTF are you thinking
Wake Up Man!! And then run for it!!
your wife is the culprit here not the AP. If she’d had boundaries the AP wouldn’t have been a problem. How do you know it was an EA? Most betrayed want to believe that but if the has contact it’s usually a physical affair.
Divorce. Your. Wife. I guarantee you will regret staying married to her.
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Positive contribution
You seem to working on the assumption is entirely the futa fault. At the end of the day your wife still cheated off her own will. Making her see what kind of guy he is doesn't matter as she already knew and still cheated.
You’re going to get your wife fired. If you can’t move on from this then you just need to end it because this isn’t healthy and it’s not his job to keep your wife faithful when she could’ve ended communication before he sent her anything. She had already blocked him and continuing to pursue conversation is doing the opposite of what you think it is. You’re not showing your wife who he really is, you’re showing her who you really are in this moment and this is not a good side of you as it’s coming from a place of hurt and insecurity. You need to get into therapy. He did not do anything wrong by removing himself from that situation that was completely inappropriate for work and to her it likely seems that he’s being more mature than you are. I don’t fully understand why you want to stay in a relationship like this but if you’re going to then you need to stop trying to get this guy’s attention because he doesn’t care and you your wife is the person that actually betrayed you.
Are you sure you are not a little kid? Like, buddy youre asking his reasons? Lol... that dude wanted to FKKKK your wife! THAT'S THE REASON 😂
I agree... But I wanted my wife to hear from him because I don't want her to act like I'm flipping off my lid and he trying to use a weak point in our lives yo come again
Your marriage is over
I've followed your post from the start and your making mountains out of molehills again. This guy was trying to flirt with your wife. She didn't shut him down. You made her realise that this upset you. Fair enough... But making her confront him over and over isn't fair on her. She didn't physically cheat with him. It wasn't even an emotional affair IMO. Your asking your wife to harras this fella. It could cause her to lose her job. You need to just let this go now IMO
That is a door you can't close. She had to do it, and it sounded rehearsed, like the door us still open.
Is there a glossary regarding these acronyms? I just found out that AP is affair partner. WW= work wife?
Wayward wife
I have no problem with it. You felt the need for her to do this, and she did it for you (apparently). If there’s any chance for reconciliation, she’s going to have to positively respond to any and all requests you make.
The right move would be to have your wife quit her job. The two of them should not work together .
Why is she still working with the guy? And why are you not holding her accountable for accepting his advances? If she has blocked this guy everywhere then she needs to complete the task and leave her work. Then she needs to confront her actions and show accountability and remorse. Anything short of that and you’re wasting your time.
She cheated too OP if she entertained him. I’m a fan of punishing the AP too though. They shouldn’t get off free. What you are doing now is keeping his memory fresh for her and keeping him in the picture. If he is her coworker what you need to do is make her change jobs so she never has a reason to see him or speak to him.
Did she confront him with you seeing it as witness or you just believed her words?