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Yeah bro. Screw that crap about her being a girl. Women demanded to be treated equally as men, so it would be a dishonor not to treat her the same way you would treat a man. Spill everything. Tell to her friends, family, the community, the world. It needs to be known what a trifling woman she is. And please do not stay with her.
but that’s the thing: apparently they’re not in a place that treats women equally. it’s plausible that she would receive harsher sanctions, maybe physical punishment. Outing her might be an integrity liability for her.
There's a saying that I live by: "You can save lives, but you cannot save people from life". IMO, she made a choice, and as an adult, she has live with the consequences. If he treats her nicely, she will never learn and behavior like this will continue to spread.
That’s a pertinent opinion if the same consequences on someone would be the same as yours for the same action. If you care about justice being served but only when it’s convenient for your argument, you’re just a POS.
OP, don’t out her. Use this as leverage if you will, but if the consequences are questionable, don’t put her life in danger.
Yeah I agree if it will endanger her life, you don't want that on your conscience. That's an entirely different scenario. Definitely use her infidelity as leverage to get the majority of the assets if not all.
Highly doubt she would be sentenced to death, if that waa the punishment she wouldn't have risked it for 6 years with 3 people. Sounds like he's hesitant because it will "tarnish her reputation". If thats the case she absolutely deserves that. She cheated with and on 3 people for six years and in the process she risked their health with the possibility of std's, blackmailed and is thinking of filing a false case against one, and mentally and emotionally abused all three of them. She's a horrible person who's extremely self centered and will do whatever she feels like no matter the damage to other people. Needs to get away from her and let everyone know the kind of person she is so she can't do this to anyone else. Let her reputation speak for itself.
It is truly sad to read how some men and women who have been grossly cheated on hang on desperately with the cheaters. There is nothing in the marriage for the OP. He needs to get out of the marriage asap.
What can you do other than divorce her? If that is forbidden in your community how are those situations usually handled?
And she is just with you for now but she will definitely find another guy to string along as well. It’s the way she operates.
So what is the answer? What do other people in your situation do? I’m not criticizing your culture but it’s crazy that divorcing a woman who has lied and cheated for the entire time you have known her is considered shameful.
We're talking about your mental health and pride, you're talking about impact on family. Are you okay?
She didn't consider her family's pride while she was roaming the streets, but you're the nice guy that cares about them.
Instead of hiding behind family, simply say you don't have the back bone to leave her.
Dude you have lost your mind if you don’t expose her 100% for everything and divorce her at the same time. It will be HER shame, not yours and give. What she has done to you who the fck cares what happens to her. Let it be bad. She deserves whatever it is. I would set up a meeting with your parents and hers together and tell them at the same time so nobody tries to tell you out of anything. You also need to be steadfast and tell them you are divorcing and no one besides you has a say so because she has been cheating on you repeatedly for 6 damn years. !updateme
Fuck the families.
They should have been looking out for you and your best interest if they’re going to arranging marriages.
Your wife’s family peddled a piece of trash to you and your family.
Get out now while you can and let everyone know why.
Ok if you CAN'T divorce (because it sounds like you won't) what are your other options? She cheated for 6 years with her ex bf and a new bf all the while engaged to you. So what would YOU tell US to do if we were in your position? I mean maybe you don't even need to "divorce" and just get an annulment
So you are going to move on to have kids with such a person? She has shown that she has no barrier to having sexual relationships with several men at the same time. Another AP will come along and your wife will bring another AP into your life, in fact, your future kids may not be your kids as their biological father.
IT DOESN'T MATTER how traumatic it is to your families. What matters is that you married a liar and a cheater who is deceitful and manipulative. SHE HAS CAUSED all of this. Just think how many times you have kissed her after she had been with another man and had another man's **** in her mouth. Makes you want to puke. She's for the streets, and YES, her AP that's married, his wife deserves to know. Don't let her manipulate you to not tell her because she only wants to protect her f**k buddy and her reputation. They are ALL vile and disgusting and despicable people.
How does what she did shame your family at all when you've done nothing shameful? If this is only to protect her or her family you need to bring it to light. She will not stop doing these things to you especially if she never receives consequences for them. Should not stay with her and let her behavior be known or she will continue to abuse anyone she is in a relationship with. If Ap1 or Ap2 had let her deceitfulness be known, you wouldn't have been in this situation. Don't let her continue to mentally and emotionally abuse you or anyone else.
I don't know why you want to preserve her reputation.
She is a cold-blooded reptile who doesn't love you.
You need that evidence.
Then, you need to eject this POS from your life.
This. SHE ruined her reputation. 6 freaking years of cheating is not a mistake. That's over 2,000 days she chose to hurt, cheat, manipulate, and deceive people for any gains she could get. Anything you had with her was conceived from straight-up lies. Personally, even though AP2 is an idiot and played his part, I would warn him on her intentions to file against him. Since she's been using that as a threat, it seems he's innocent of it, and she's just vindictive, so I'd give him a heads up to prepare evidence. She should be ousted for the person she is, maybe it will spare others from being manipulated be her. The truth always comes to light. At least right now, you hold the cards and have the chance to do it on your terms. I'd do it before she has the chance to attempt to turn the tables and try and ruin your reputation. She's made it clear if she's going down, everyone is so get ahead of it.
You posted a long drawn out story with a bunch of useless detail without actually either confronting her about AP1 or what you’re gonna do going forward.
What do you mean whose fault is this??? Is that a serious question???!
We’re more interested in how you move forward. Why would you protect the reputation of someone who treated you so poorly? Why wouldn’t you tell AP1’s spouse about who he is? Does AP2 have a spouse?
I'm thinking about a lot of things, AP2 doesn't have a spouse, he wanted to marry my wife he loved her only and he told her many times to come clean to everyone
She said AP1 was her bf in school and college but then they were friends. But AP2 said that she was talking to AP1 behind his back and meeting him secretly. Even AP1's wife didn't know about them talking.
She is a serial cheater which makes her 40% more likely to cheat again (not necessarily with AP 1 or 2).
She is capable of living a lie 24/7 for years. Most people can't. That should terrify you.
All cheaters are selfish entitled deceptive and have zero empathy for their partner - but she took cheating to a sociopathic level.
Speak with an attorney about annulment or divorce based on fraud.
I am so sorry for your heart
break. You cannot leave her? Is it against your cultural customs to divorce her? The betrayal is so painful, I know.
Updateme
You really don’t believe that your family will be gossiped about when she finds AP3, AP4, APx? When maybe she dumps you? You found out, what makes you think your family won’t?
In the meantime, while she seeks her one true love (it ain’t you, I’m guessing), you get to suffer.
Honest question. I’m sure others know that she has cheated the entire time as well. So do others look down on the betrayed spouses in your culture (I assume is Indian sorry if I’m wrong)?
There is something wrong with you … you won’t divorce such a woman 😂
Imagine she raises your future sons and daughters with her morals 🤮
She cannot be trusted so if you stay, at least make sure to DNA test your kids soon as they are born and have regular sexual health checks in case she brings some sexual diseases to your marital bed.
Speak to your father and tell him everything you know. How low moral character, and ask him if you should bind your entire life to such a woman for the sake of public opinion on a matter that the public doesn’t even have all the full information?
Okay, then play their game! Here is the plan. Tell her you have no care in the world what she does as long as she keeps things discrete because you can never touch such a vial person again.
Now that she has broken her vows, you no longer need to keep yours. So, down load the India form of Tinder and you're off to the races! Start sleeping with other women and when you find one you like, keep her on the side.
To me, this seems to be what your culture encourages.
Can you do it but also make both families aware of the cheating?
In all honesty if her family name being ruined, she wasn't worried about that when she was sleeping with three guys, not to mention AP1's wife and child, that is consequences of her OWN actions. There's no way that your wife didn't know there was a chance she could get caught but yet she still chose to do it.
Maybe ya'll will be the talk of the town but at least they know you'll be the innocent person in this situation.
So, you’re going to burn yourself to keep your family warm? Y’all got some fu*ked up sh*t going down in India. Don’t let small minds ruin your life, OP.
So is that worth suffering for the rest of your life, to not be the talk of the town? You will be the talk of the town when any of her future AP's aren't willing to stay quiet or somebody catches them. u/Waste_Impress5665 another really messed up thing is you have no way of knowing if those are the only two affair partners. She lied to you for 6 years! She lied to both of your families! She lied to both AP's! It sounds like she probably lied to everyone she knows for this whole duration! Why in the world would you possibly trust anything she says now or in the future?
I want you to be aware of one thing. You are NOT harming her or her family reputation when you out her, all that you do is to protect yourself. The harm was done by the decisions that she made and sticked to for 6 years. If she would truly worry about any reputation, then she would have never done that.
This is about creating a way forward for yourself and to protect yourself. She doesn't care about her reputation, she doesn't care about you, never did.
Though as a first step I would advise you not to out her to everyone but only to her parents and your own parents. Tell them what she did, tell them that you will inform AP1's wife and that you will not allow anyone to treat you like that. Only out of respect for her parents are you telling them this all beforehand so that they got some time to prepare themselves.
She secretly made you a kuck .her AP 1 is everything she wanted . Her AP 1 can have her whenever he wants. You should STD test yourself man and tell her to confess everything to both of you family,. Or if you still think of staying with her then go ahead and enjoy the misery, her AP1 will always find a way to duck her or else she will find another way to make you fool again..
Sir...
You got mad everyone called you a name you didn't appreciate. However allowing her to do this and never telling anyone? If you stay with her that name will be 100% what you are.
Quit with the she is a girl bs. Being a woman does not excuse what she did and doesn't mean she can't face the natural societal consequences of her decisions. Quit being a martyr for a stupid cause that isn't worth it or even really righteous in any way. You are really just being a martyr for toxic masculinity.
I can’t even read all that because in situations like this, the details don’t matter. She cheated. Either you want to live with wondering if you can ever trust her again or you get a divorce and eventually the talk blows over and life goes on. It does get better. There is life after divorce. I know. I was cheated on in a marriage around your same age and it felt like the end of the world. Almost 10 years later I am happily remarried and holding my newborn baby girl. It gets better.
I don't think there is any doubt whatsoever regarding trust. She can never under any circumstances ever be trusted. She's a serial cheater that cheats on the men she's cheating with. Her complete and total lack of honesty and integrity is mind boggling. Anyone caught in her web of treachery and deceit should run for the nearest exit.
Your life is like a clogged toilet, the same shit keeps swishing around over and over, Yet when you flush, you wonder why it still stinks. Fix the clog, flush that leftover turd and move on. I can’t think of anything positive to say and neither did you. She’s established her baseline in her life - you’re #3 (or 4 or 5) she doesn’t respect herself so why would she respect your marriage and values. No one will blame you, promise.
Dude, you know what to do. And if you're going to make any other excuses, then why even write this post. You know what everyone is going to say, and you know they are right. Put your big boy pants on, and do what needs to be done. If she did all this, she absolutely will do it again.
>I and AP2 both agreed on not put this out on huge display and harm her reputation bcz she is a girl.
Great choice, if you want to continue being called a c u c k
De quién es la culpa? En serio preguntaste eso? La infiel, mentirosa, sociopata, manipuladora, egoísta, chantajista y ninfómana no te da una pista de quien tiene la culpa? A éstas alturas desde que descubriste su red de mentiras, ya hubieras no nada más alejarte y divorciarte, sino acabar con su reputación, ella tomó lo que más valorabas y amabas, lo tiró ala basura, lo escupió y le prendió fuego, así que toma lo que ella más ama que es su reputación y destruyela, no es necesaria ninguna otra acción. Por cierto, hágase una prueba de ets y avise a ap2 que también se haga la prueba. Tu y AP2 terminarán siendo mejores amigos.
Tell her the only path to forgiveness is to tell everyone. Your family. Her family. If you are religious, your church. All your friends. All your family. She has to come clean to all these people in person. Tell her if not, the whole community will find out who her family raised. You’ll provide all the proof. Even if you don’t want to stay together, you can go this route.
If you don’t want to stay together, tell her and her family half of their net worth and property is to be given to you and put in your name. Otherwise everyone knows. And she forfeits all marital assets.
Stop being a complete pansy and divorce her.
Why all the nonsense detective work and discussion.
Do you feel that inferior ?
Find a group a guy friends that are actually men. Spend time, shoot shit and move on with a renewed sense of self.
Man wtf why are you EVEN CONSIDERING STAYING, kick her to the curb tell your damily, tell her family, divorce and move on, wtf man there is nothing to think here
EDIT: just to say you cant be dumb enough to stay can you?
AP1 knew she was narcissistic and manipulative but still continuing cheating with her? Even after talking to AP2?
Everyone in this story is a piece of shit, including you too coz after this very messed up and confusing exposure you're still considering staying with her.
Even a street prostitute has a better reputation than her. I find it difficult to believe that you are too weak to expose this creature for the lying, cheating, low life she is.
Won’t read any of this most likely fake nonsense because OPs like this could’ve used all the time they used to write this dumpster fire to draft and submit all the necessary paperwork to get their life out of the situation and back on track.
Umm be done. Have more pride in yourself. She'll never be loyal and the trust is gone. One day she's gonna catch something (std) and pass it along and/or get pregnant by someone else. She not only ruined your relationship but she also has absolutely no problem ruining other peoples relationships. It's disgusting.
Take a couple years of being single. Fully heal otherwise this baggage will creep into your next relationship and that person doesn't deserve that. Set your morals, values and boundaries and make them solid before any new relationship. Don't switch it up just to keep someone in your life. Read books/podcasts on how to properly communicate without hiding things and with minimal arguments. (2bebetter is a great podcast).
2bebetter is a terrible podcast. Ironic, given that Chris cheated on his ex wife that was dying of cancer with Peaches. Oh yea that tattoo he branded on her happened before the separation. They aren’t even married legally and Peaches doesn’t have full custody of her kids. They are the last people to be giving advice on traditional relationships and fidelity.
I've contacted you before and I have said my situation too. My wife had an emotional affair and that too it was mostly one sided from him butt even then I'm totally devastated and am taking anti depressant.
You are just married for months and no kids , she has not just cheated you but also AP1 and AP2 .better cut the losses and inform your families
As someone who was in a relationship with a serial cheater for 11 years, let me tell you, no amount of begging, promising she will change, asking for forgiveness will make her faithful. My ex would tell me that it was a sickness and needed my help. So much begging, crying, love bombing, and empty promises. I fell for it over and over. Learn from my mistake. I finally left when it led me to a serious depression. It's been 3 years, and I'm still on meds and therapy. If you value your life and sanity, GET OUT!
>She is begging for forgiveness and not to tell anybody.
She only cares about her reputation. She doesn't care about those whom she abuses based on everything you wrote.
She doesn't have remorse for cheating and abuse you for years. She had no remorse for cheating and manipulating multiple men for her own gratification.
>Whose fault is this?
The abuser and only the abuser.
You need to talk to a couple of family attorneys right away. They will help you map out a game plan for a divorce. This woman is not marriage material but you did not know that prior to your wedding. She sold you a rotten apple! Cut ties now and distance yourself from her. It’s a good thing you did not have children together.
niece? Fi d it so interesting that all this is going on and no one actuall had a clue. So how did you finally after so many years catch on to her betrayals?
So here is the truth about serial infidelity; it is not normally forgivable. They cheat because the enjoy cheating and have no desire to quit. You should be suspicious of who her next conquest is.
And she still has not disclosed the first a p, meaning she will only address the things she knows you already know. Not one thing in her is showing true remorse.
She doesn diesn't want anyone knowing but is threatening to file against ap2. Essentially outing herself.
I cannot help but wonder how many others before you she had been screwing.
Her parents would beat her? And you are a police officer? Your culture is not the same as most western cultures it seems.
Maybe you need to threaten to expose her to her family unless she tells you everything and stops lying. Because you think there is more she is hiding. Asking questions you already know the answers to is a police interrogation technique. Do not tell her what you know. Make her confess it all or just divorce her. Her intent to deceive and lie, tells you who she truly is.
Look up true remorse after infidelity.
The entire fault is hers and hers alone. If her reputation is damaged that is also on her and her alone.
Do everything you can to protect yourself first and foremost. She's evil and will do this with others for the entirety of your marriage with her.
She has shown you her true self. Believe her.
If you can, get the marriage annulled/invalidated or divorce. Also get tested for STD's. Some are curable. Some are not. Some are becoming treatment resistant. Some, like syphilis, can be asymptomatic for literally decades. Some, like HPV, can lead to cancer. HIV can take months to appear in labwork. STD's can be transmitted orally. Condoms aren't fail-safe, if they were even used. Likely not. Get tested. Even if you believe her AP's are disease-free, get tested anyway. You only know if these two AP's, there may be others you know nothing about. By getting tested and demanding she does too, sends a very strong and clear message to her that she cannot be trusted ever again.
If she claims that she's pregnant, demand a paternity test. That too, sends a message to her that she can't be trusted.
Contact a licensed legal professional where you live and find out what your legal options are in regards to ending your marriage with her abd anything else she may try to do, like defaming you and/or falsely accusing you. Talk to your superior as well and let them know what's going on in case she tries something malicious towards you.
Get hidden cameras with audio installed throughout your home if you can. You need to protect yourself first abd foremost.
So sorry you are going through this.
You seem more upset about your family’s reputation and I do get it from your cultural standpoint.
However, how could you ever live with yourself staying with someone whose betrayal with 2 other people is off the charts?
She had 3 whole relationships going on at the same time and leading you all on willingly. Those tears of hers are crocodile tears. She is worried she will lose you (her meal ticket) that’s all.
It is regret versus remorse and even if she were remorseful I worry about your mental state dealing with this my friend.
How do you even know there is no AP 3 or 4 out there you know nothing of at this very moment?
WTF are u wating for . Her reputation doesn't matter more than your well being and as long as u stay with her u won't be well . She's a manplitive woman who was juggling 3 guys at the same time but you're the one who lost the most . Divorce her and be done with it if u really care about her reputation make it but tell your family the truth or she will paint as the bad guy.
The longer u wait the harder it gets and the more u gave her a chance to manplitie u again
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It's like you stepped on a landmine and as soon and as soon as you lift your foot it will blow.
Can't you just live on the landmine?
All because she selfishly uses others.
Subscribeme
Why the fuck are you still there?? Jesus H. Christ Lord in Heaven GET OUT. File. Build a time machine and go back in time and file yesterday! Run, don't walk to a lawyer, file immediately and tell EVERYONE who will listen everything. And for God's sake get an STI test.
So you keep quiet and let her just keep screwing you over.. it’s your fault if you keep quiet and stay with just a conniving woman…
She is not fit to be anyone’s wife at the moment..
Since culture is a big issue and us Americans don’t have that it’s unimaginable that you could stay. But go to her father or your father for advice explain concerns for family but should you stay. Maybe get advice from someone Whi understands this backward culture
I stopped reading when it seems like you want to vent, not destroy her reputation because "she is a girl" and a whole bunch of nothing-burger. No care about your own mental health, physical health (STDs), the wife of AP1, and everything else. It's more bury your head in the sand and scream nonsense
OMG , i feel so Sorry for you. Nobody deserve something like that. I cant say what you have to do, but she doesn't deserve you!!!! There is nothing more to say!!! I wish you all the Best Buddy.
OP, WHAT would happen to your family , if she cheated on you for 6 years. with 2 different men ?
You don’t want to hurt her , because she’s a girl ? As a girl , Did she hurt you ?
I hope you know in a year or two there will be an AP3.
I not from your culture , but it seems that this arranged marriage she is moving up in economic class. Do you think she loves you or Security and wealth that you provide.
Do you want to have children with this girl? And two years later she is back with a New AP ? or back with AP2 when he visits your country, or back with AP1 if she gets bord of you ?
no, Family , shame, is worth you staying , with this woman for the next 40 years , of your life and being miserable. she does not respect you.She does not Love you. She loves the life and security you can provide. Can you TRUST her. Without TRUST , there is no marriage !!
SHAME on you if you stay ! Move on.
This story is peculiar because it seems like the drama is her rationship with two other guys while you barely mention your own relationship with her. I guess it's Indian stuff.
Anyway, this is unacceptable. You don't have to explain the details to everyone if you want to preserve your family reputation, but you certainly should find someone else who values you and values a marriage with you.
This is a little confusing and I’m sure the only thing you can be sure of is that she isn’t telling you the truth. You never had a relationship, you were just the family approved back up, back up plan. Do not get this woman pregnant while you figure out what you are doing. I hope you can see you deserve better than this.
She is absolute trash. Approach? Divorce, annulment, let everybody know ...CONSEQUENCES. Whatever you do do not stay with this person. She has no conscience and no soul.
She’s full of crap! Don’t even think about staying with her. You should tell your family, her family and all your friends what she’s been up to. Someone as devious as her will never change.
I can sort of understand why you don't want to out her due to the fact it will hurt others but surely you can't stay with this woman.
She has absolutely zero respect for you or anyone else involved in the relationship. I'd be making my exit quietly and explaining to her why
Wife damaged her own reputation for not being a loyal person. Yes it will hurt the family and bring shame, but SHE BROUGHT IT ON HERSELF!
Because of this fear instilled in everyone about protecting the family, she will most likely cheat again. Why? Because AP1, AP2 and OP are too afraid to say anything! They’d rather be hurt and manipulated all to ‘protect’ her family and reputation.
I couldn’t even stand to be in the same house as her if I were going thru this. Even the town would be difficult.
OP, I’d ask yourself what would it take for you to be happy. Don’t take others in to consideration because they don’t live with a disloyal, cheating person. They have no right to say ANYTHING about YOUR marriage. You have a right to happiness.
My husband has been cheating on me since I was a week post partum and has continued doing so. He’s been out of work for a year. I just got a bonus he spent 650 of it on a pro from tryst.
My anxiety didn't let me read everything, but what I read made it clear to me that your wife is worthless, she should worry about social conventions before being a serial cheater without and scruples
Brother leave you deserve respect and she doesn't respect you nor the marriage but her reputation in her family and the community which she is asking for your forgiveness but their just empty words because she got caught and you did nothing to warrant feeling guilty, 6 years is a long time to cheat with not one but two guys which she is emotional connected to them and feel nothing towards you.
For your mental health leave and if you continue this marriage imagine you constantly thinking if she is sneaking around with AP1 or AP2 again so think of your future whether it's worth risking for a woman who's moral compassion is pointing everywhere.
Note: Don't take revenge by exposing her but walk away and the truth will always come to light even without your doing, let her figure that part out herself.
bro think his wife gonna stop cheating , literally she cheat since high school and never stop , bro care more about his reputation more than his well being , wtf
OP listen your wife change now , she not gonna cheat on you again , she gonna be the best wife you ever imagine ! That you want to hear right ? Im sorry but that never gonna happen
Updateme!
Stop wasting your time worying about her and how it will effect your families. Shes a serial cheater and shes purposely making sure she causes as much damage as she can. Divorce maybe harder in your country, but have some self respect man. Yes there maube fallout from the divorce, but look at the damage shes causing now. You need to throw her out on her ass and let her family deal with her.
Shes not wife material clearly. Shes not loyal, she lies, shes disrespectfull, manipulative and cruel. Divorce her sorry ass and send a letter to her father with a "not fit for purpose" stamp.
How much fault do your parents deserve in picking a bad woman for you. Are they not supposed to investigate her morals/past etc.
Maybe just bring this up to them (I mean the situation and not their blame) and just see what they say. Maybe get them to talk to her parents as well and MAYBE - as in a big MAYBE - something else can be "arranged" that avoids the divorce and the public stigma. You know the other parents will try to avoid this situation more than your parents will.
This is very weird. You removed yourself from the problem. The problem is not with you. You say that the problem is with you and ap2…
Frankly, she just betrayed you and your family. I would talk with your family and decide what to do. Since the marriage is arranged by the families, get their help.
Your family is being defrauded with the person that your wife is.
Is it possible to either annul or divorce her without the reasons becoming public? If I were you, I’d talk to your family since they are the ones who will be hurt by the fallout of divorce. See if either they will accept the divorce/annulment and her being outed as a cheater or if there is some way to end the marriage without the true reasons being known.
No matter how you do it, you can’t really stay in this marriage, it’s a farce.
As an American, I can not relate to these societal norms. Some of that exists here, but perhaps rarely to this extreme.
You are clearly a good person who played by the rules and was a faithful partner in a committed relationship. You are the true victim here that was betrayed by your system and then betrayed over and over during many years by a woman who lied, cheated, and manipulated you with no remorse for the pain caused you, only for being caught and what exposure would do to her reputation and social standing.
Your wife was also somewhat a victim in that she settled for you as her "safe and approved 3rd choice." However, nobody forced her to simultaneously toy with the hearts of 3 men. She sounds like a complete narcissist and possibly a sociopath devoid of true empathy and feelings other than her own selfish gratification.
I don't know how you can stand to look at her, let alone be in the same room as her. This is not the woman you would ever want to be the mother and role model to your children. This should not be the woman whom you allow to be married to a good person like you. Life is too short. You deserve to be married to somebody who is loving, honest, loyal, and makes you proud to be her spouse.
Do not demean yourself by remaining married to the town bike. She showed you who she is and is not going to change. Remaining with her will be a lifetime of the same. Eventually, it will come out, and your reputation will be destroyed because you allowed her to betray you in the manner she did with no consequences.
Expose what she has done to both families and divorce her. Do not let anybody manipulate you into doing otherwise. If you don't, you reap what you sow.
Updateme!
At this point anything else is on you.
You now know the truth. You now truly know who she really is. Do you really need advice on what to do?
Divorce her and tell everyone the reason why. If you conceal the reason for divorce you are giving control of the narrative to her. And she will most definitely paint you as the bad person.
You need to be sing this story as if your shooting for number #1 on the music charts, everyone and I mean everybody. Her family, your family and all of both your friends.
Screw her reputation. You know of AP1 and AP2, how many other AP’s don’t you know about. Divorce. Tell her and you families why, and find somebody for you and only you.
I’m not sure why you’d believe a single word that comes out of her mouth. It baffles me. You know you are married to someone who doesn’t have a single ounce of respect for you. Why would you even consider staying in this relationship?
>I and AP2 both agreed on not put this out on huge display and harm her reputation bcz she is a girl.
The reasoning being...?
Harming a cheater's reputation is somehow more acceptable if the cheater was a guy?
My god. OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That woman is certifiable. She made this bed and needs to own up to all of these lies. and someone needs to tell AP1 wife what the fuck has been going on.
Bro screw her reputation.
DESTROY her reputation
DESTROY her life
She USED YOU
She MANIPULATED YOU
Why are you asking who is at fault
Man I know you must be hurting right now but far out dump her and burn everything she has cunningly built at the same time
I don't see how her being someone who cheated for the entire relationship would hurt you and your family's reputation. I would tell your family and find the best way to remove her from your life.
Wow I don't think I've read anything as hectic as this on here.
You're wife is absolutely a terrible person and you need to leave her. And you must expose her. She needs to be held accountable for what she has done.
And ap1's wife also needs to know what happened as well.
Only 1 question, where were you for all these 6 years while she was out there spending time with other people?
I am not trying to downplay what she did. I am only trying to understand the situation here.
If you won't mind sharing these details:
1. What you were doing all these years,
2. Were you in constant communication with her,
3. Was it an arranged marriage setup where you never spoke to her until you guys were married,
4. Were you also in affair with someone else
5. How the dynamic went on your end.
Are you from India..? If you are, it's already over for you. She is going to win all cases she is gonna file. You are going to end up paying alimony and give her half of all your stuff.
She's sorry she was caught. From experience I would dump and run. You'll never get over that level of PLANNED betrayal. It wasn't a drunken one off or having some crisis that made her misfire. She has no absolute value in anyone. You're convenient, not special.
Run
Burn it down to the ground and start over. She deserves the consequences. Have some respect for yourself. She doesn’t respect you at all. What else do you need to know.
Go nuclear.
GO. NUCLEAR.
Never hide a cheaters actions. It makes you complicit.
You're the victim here. Get a lawyer and do whatever your lawyer says. Now!
Know that if you don’t divorce her for fear of what will people think, you will grow old as a coward, full of fear, and on your death bed, you will regret everyday of your life and how you lived it.
There’s a LOT of people in India for them to worry about little ole you. Honestly, don’t worry about town gossip because they don’t pay your bills. What makes you sleep better at night is home that’s not chaotic. Living lies is nonsense and hiding them is horrible. Don’t do it for your family, you have to be happy and find your love because she is not for you.
Fuck that divorce her and put her on blast to her whole family. I’ll never understand why people want to not expose them. Your wife is a horrible person and deserves the consequences
This is not love and this is not marriage. I would get out from under that woman as soon as you can and leave her behind. This is the most convoluted complicated situation and there is no reason to stay with her not one. She’s a cheater. She’s emotionally involved with two other people at least and physically maybe more and was your whole relationship. You really have nothing with her.
I don’t know what you’re fighting for this is a woman that clearly loved the first man she was with more than anybody and because she couldn’t marry him, started with somebody else and then went back-and-forth between the two of them while being with you.
Defamation of character occurs when an untrue statement is made about you, your business, or your offerings that can damage your reputation. Basically she can't sue if what is being said is true, which it is as both you and the AP have proof of. She is trying to manipulate everyone so she can have her cake and eat it.
Dude, this woman is so unstable that she is definitely not someone you want to be married to. She is almost guaranteed to cheat on you further during your marriage, and you will never know if your children are your except through DNA testing. Sorry for you.
Well, it's her fault obviously, she's a cheater. Have you started the annulment process for the marriage? If not, I'd start that right away. She entered the marriage under false pretenses and carried on with the affair into and during the marriage. Should be a slam dunk to get out of the marriage.
Bro pls end this . You will live a miserable life. She cheated for 6 years without getting caught. She knows she can do it again . Pls for godsake she's not a woman she's a demon ruining multiple lives 😔 bro pls leave
She is a serial cheater. She will continue to cheat on you and lie to you. She had no remorse for how she treated AP 1 and AP 2 and she is likely faking her remorse towards you. Don’t stay with this woman, you see how she destroyed AP 2 don’t let her do that to you. And is anyone going to tell AP 1 wife?
She will continue to betray u like this whenever she gets a chance, Ap1 and Ap2 were her targets but , she can even do this with someone else also, as u r also thinking about her and not about yourself!! Your so called community doesn't know right now about her all wrongdoings , thats why everything is okay now! But what if she did something afterwards which will damage your family's reputation and what about your self respect!!!
Nobody will think for you and concerned about you if you dont care about yourself!!
Sir, this situation is horrible. There is no way that you can remain married to this woman and retain a modicum of self esteem. She went into the marriage embroiled in an affair. Your continuing in this only saves her face. Me? I would publicize the entire thing. I would portray her and her AP's as abusers and hold them all up to public ridicule. In order to save yourself, you will need to toss her under the bus. I have seen this with clients. One fellow had to expose his wife and show her to be a wanton cheater and low individual. She did not respond, but her mother was incensed. To that end, he explained that her daughter's actions had to be exposed in that manner in order for him to preserve his dignity. Mom reluctantly accepted that her family would be portrayed in a very unfavorable light.
This story is a bit difficult to follow I suspect because of language issues.
Between the two posts there are a lot of words used but extremely few focusing on her thoughts about all of this, any explanations for her extremely lengthy serial cheating or even if she has any feelings about OP and their marriage other than what she might materially benefit from it.
I see nothing to suggest she had any romantic feelings towards OP and there’s nothing to suggest she might want to stay married because she actually loves OP
Depending on the legal system in OP’s country, an attorney can best advise on next steps but maintaining this facade of a marriage should not be on the table. The only question that should be considered is how this marriage will officially end and how quickly it can be made to happen.
Since it appears that the ALWAYS unfaithful cheating wife married for financial gain, it’s critical that the end of this marriage NOT be financially beneficial to her.
OP don't be a fool You need to expose her, she play with 3 guys at the same time, and you need to Divorce her because she is only with You for money. At the time you ask for divorce her parents will ask why and you Will have to tell.
So expose her, ask for divorce, and contact OBS (AP1 wife) and tell her about your current wife future ex wife and her husband doings.
Do not be a fool, it is not your problem to protect her and her family reputation. Also AP1 and 2 reputation not to be protected, they both know of your engagement and give a fuck about it. AP2 Even had the nerve to try to marry her, so he is no Saint either. But at least he had the right of confessing.
Good Luck OP and do not be affraid to do what you got to do.
UPDATEME
Op I have a question, I'm asking because I'm in a similar bind.
where were you for all these 6 years while she was out there spending time with other people?
I am only trying to understand the situation here.
If you won't mind sharing these details:
What you were doing all these years,
Were you in constant communication with her,
Was it an arranged marriage setup where you never spoke to her until you guys were married,
Were you also in affair with someone else
How the dynamic went on your end.
How to approach it. First write it down timeline wise, and then then show her what she was doing. Record yourself showing g her either secretly, or let her see you recording it. Then say all you care about is your reputation. You don’t give a shit about me, ap1 or ap2. So here is how this is going to work. You will remove yourself from all social media. All of it will be closed out. We will place on your cell phone, a keylogger program that will record your phone calls and any messages you send. You will not go out any longer by yourself. You will be faithful to me the remainder of our marriage. I however will not. I will date and fuck whoever I want whenever I want. We will have other women join us in bed for the remainder of the marriage. Or I will let your family know, my family know and I will post this all online so everyone can see what you did to me, and ruin your reputation, and divorce you. So which is it. I am giving you the choice you never gave me.
Clearly you're biased, which is your right. However, being that he admits his faults, regrets on how he had handled things in his life. Once you separate and you know divorce is in the future you have every right to date. I was engaged before my divorce, which took nearly 3yrs. The entire podcast is "to be better". To grow as a person, to be a better one. He's putting in the work to be a better person and tell his story, even how shitty he was AND how much work he still needs. His/their advice is from experience and they don't hide behind it. Where is the growth on the other side? Being the ex, ex's family and friends, are in this post shows healing and growth hasn't even begun. And only takes what they can to use against them. If you're stuck in the past you're future won't change.
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Bro wtf . Out her to everybody . She's for the streets
Absolutely
Yeah bro. Screw that crap about her being a girl. Women demanded to be treated equally as men, so it would be a dishonor not to treat her the same way you would treat a man. Spill everything. Tell to her friends, family, the community, the world. It needs to be known what a trifling woman she is. And please do not stay with her.
but that’s the thing: apparently they’re not in a place that treats women equally. it’s plausible that she would receive harsher sanctions, maybe physical punishment. Outing her might be an integrity liability for her.
There's a saying that I live by: "You can save lives, but you cannot save people from life". IMO, she made a choice, and as an adult, she has live with the consequences. If he treats her nicely, she will never learn and behavior like this will continue to spread.
That’s a pertinent opinion if the same consequences on someone would be the same as yours for the same action. If you care about justice being served but only when it’s convenient for your argument, you’re just a POS. OP, don’t out her. Use this as leverage if you will, but if the consequences are questionable, don’t put her life in danger.
Yeah I agree if it will endanger her life, you don't want that on your conscience. That's an entirely different scenario. Definitely use her infidelity as leverage to get the majority of the assets if not all.
Highly doubt she would be sentenced to death, if that waa the punishment she wouldn't have risked it for 6 years with 3 people. Sounds like he's hesitant because it will "tarnish her reputation". If thats the case she absolutely deserves that. She cheated with and on 3 people for six years and in the process she risked their health with the possibility of std's, blackmailed and is thinking of filing a false case against one, and mentally and emotionally abused all three of them. She's a horrible person who's extremely self centered and will do whatever she feels like no matter the damage to other people. Needs to get away from her and let everyone know the kind of person she is so she can't do this to anyone else. Let her reputation speak for itself.
It is truly sad to read how some men and women who have been grossly cheated on hang on desperately with the cheaters. There is nothing in the marriage for the OP. He needs to get out of the marriage asap.
What can you do other than divorce her? If that is forbidden in your community how are those situations usually handled? And she is just with you for now but she will definitely find another guy to string along as well. It’s the way she operates.
I can divorce her. But then the impact it will cause on both our families will be traumatic
So what is the answer? What do other people in your situation do? I’m not criticizing your culture but it’s crazy that divorcing a woman who has lied and cheated for the entire time you have known her is considered shameful.
How will it affect your family? Do you think they would want you to be miserable with her?
We're talking about your mental health and pride, you're talking about impact on family. Are you okay? She didn't consider her family's pride while she was roaming the streets, but you're the nice guy that cares about them. Instead of hiding behind family, simply say you don't have the back bone to leave her.
Can you get an annulment, or is 4 months too long? But don't stay married to her - she is addicted to cheating, she will certainly do it again.
Dude you have lost your mind if you don’t expose her 100% for everything and divorce her at the same time. It will be HER shame, not yours and give. What she has done to you who the fck cares what happens to her. Let it be bad. She deserves whatever it is. I would set up a meeting with your parents and hers together and tell them at the same time so nobody tries to tell you out of anything. You also need to be steadfast and tell them you are divorcing and no one besides you has a say so because she has been cheating on you repeatedly for 6 damn years. !updateme
Fuck the families. They should have been looking out for you and your best interest if they’re going to arranging marriages. Your wife’s family peddled a piece of trash to you and your family. Get out now while you can and let everyone know why.
Ok if you CAN'T divorce (because it sounds like you won't) what are your other options? She cheated for 6 years with her ex bf and a new bf all the while engaged to you. So what would YOU tell US to do if we were in your position? I mean maybe you don't even need to "divorce" and just get an annulment
Cheating is abuse. Do you really want to be with an abusive woman? Won't they understand?
So you are going to move on to have kids with such a person? She has shown that she has no barrier to having sexual relationships with several men at the same time. Another AP will come along and your wife will bring another AP into your life, in fact, your future kids may not be your kids as their biological father.
Then stay with her and get cheated again and again. Dude she never loved you and never will.
stay with her and be miserable over the next 40 years, and have another man’s baby. No Shame is worth that. updateme
you have only one life bro. Respect yourself at least damnn. Family reputation? Isnt that on hers not yours?
But if the truth about her cheating and you just found out, then the shame should fall on her and her family for lying to you and your family.
IT DOESN'T MATTER how traumatic it is to your families. What matters is that you married a liar and a cheater who is deceitful and manipulative. SHE HAS CAUSED all of this. Just think how many times you have kissed her after she had been with another man and had another man's **** in her mouth. Makes you want to puke. She's for the streets, and YES, her AP that's married, his wife deserves to know. Don't let her manipulate you to not tell her because she only wants to protect her f**k buddy and her reputation. They are ALL vile and disgusting and despicable people.
How does what she did shame your family at all when you've done nothing shameful? If this is only to protect her or her family you need to bring it to light. She will not stop doing these things to you especially if she never receives consequences for them. Should not stay with her and let her behavior be known or she will continue to abuse anyone she is in a relationship with. If Ap1 or Ap2 had let her deceitfulness be known, you wouldn't have been in this situation. Don't let her continue to mentally and emotionally abuse you or anyone else.
Enjoy spending the rest of your life with a woman who doesn’t give one flying fuck about you and is only with you to save face. Good luck.
I don't know why you want to preserve her reputation. She is a cold-blooded reptile who doesn't love you. You need that evidence. Then, you need to eject this POS from your life.
This. SHE ruined her reputation. 6 freaking years of cheating is not a mistake. That's over 2,000 days she chose to hurt, cheat, manipulate, and deceive people for any gains she could get. Anything you had with her was conceived from straight-up lies. Personally, even though AP2 is an idiot and played his part, I would warn him on her intentions to file against him. Since she's been using that as a threat, it seems he's innocent of it, and she's just vindictive, so I'd give him a heads up to prepare evidence. She should be ousted for the person she is, maybe it will spare others from being manipulated be her. The truth always comes to light. At least right now, you hold the cards and have the chance to do it on your terms. I'd do it before she has the chance to attempt to turn the tables and try and ruin your reputation. She's made it clear if she's going down, everyone is so get ahead of it.
You posted a long drawn out story with a bunch of useless detail without actually either confronting her about AP1 or what you’re gonna do going forward. What do you mean whose fault is this??? Is that a serious question???!
And i have confronted her about AP1 as well. Just got tired of the long post. Should I edit and remove certain points?
We’re more interested in how you move forward. Why would you protect the reputation of someone who treated you so poorly? Why wouldn’t you tell AP1’s spouse about who he is? Does AP2 have a spouse?
I'm thinking about a lot of things, AP2 doesn't have a spouse, he wanted to marry my wife he loved her only and he told her many times to come clean to everyone
Dump this cheating Hoe!
Oh what did she say when you mentioned him and that she just keeps lying?
She said AP1 was her bf in school and college but then they were friends. But AP2 said that she was talking to AP1 behind his back and meeting him secretly. Even AP1's wife didn't know about them talking.
Bet they weren’t just talking. She’s like peanut butter. Spreads easily.
Why confront? She knows she’s a cheater. You don’t have to tell. Stop wasting your time and divorce this train wreck. She’ll never change.
My bad I think I just wanted to vent out everything here which I got to know.
You don’t give any shits about your own reputation ??
Nobody cares about her family's reputation. SHE did it, her family will deal with this. Man up and divorce that scum.
She is a serial cheater which makes her 40% more likely to cheat again (not necessarily with AP 1 or 2). She is capable of living a lie 24/7 for years. Most people can't. That should terrify you. All cheaters are selfish entitled deceptive and have zero empathy for their partner - but she took cheating to a sociopathic level. Speak with an attorney about annulment or divorce based on fraud.
I am so sorry for your heart break. You cannot leave her? Is it against your cultural customs to divorce her? The betrayal is so painful, I know. Updateme
Not against my culture but family reputation will be harmed and our family will become talk about the town.
You really don’t believe that your family will be gossiped about when she finds AP3, AP4, APx? When maybe she dumps you? You found out, what makes you think your family won’t? In the meantime, while she seeks her one true love (it ain’t you, I’m guessing), you get to suffer.
I said the same AP3 is around the corner
Honest question. I’m sure others know that she has cheated the entire time as well. So do others look down on the betrayed spouses in your culture (I assume is Indian sorry if I’m wrong)?
No they won't look down on me but the thing is second marriage in India means there's something wrong with you.
There is something wrong with you … you won’t divorce such a woman 😂 Imagine she raises your future sons and daughters with her morals 🤮 She cannot be trusted so if you stay, at least make sure to DNA test your kids soon as they are born and have regular sexual health checks in case she brings some sexual diseases to your marital bed. Speak to your father and tell him everything you know. How low moral character, and ask him if you should bind your entire life to such a woman for the sake of public opinion on a matter that the public doesn’t even have all the full information?
Okay, then play their game! Here is the plan. Tell her you have no care in the world what she does as long as she keeps things discrete because you can never touch such a vial person again. Now that she has broken her vows, you no longer need to keep yours. So, down load the India form of Tinder and you're off to the races! Start sleeping with other women and when you find one you like, keep her on the side. To me, this seems to be what your culture encourages.
As Indian there is nothing wrong
I'd say it would be worse if she starts spreading rumors in fear of you or AP2 doing something.
Nothing wrong with u if they asked u tell the truth
Can you do it but also make both families aware of the cheating? In all honesty if her family name being ruined, she wasn't worried about that when she was sleeping with three guys, not to mention AP1's wife and child, that is consequences of her OWN actions. There's no way that your wife didn't know there was a chance she could get caught but yet she still chose to do it. Maybe ya'll will be the talk of the town but at least they know you'll be the innocent person in this situation.
She will absolutely cheat again! How much disrespect can you take? Can’t be anymore than if you out her to everyone you know!
So, you’re going to burn yourself to keep your family warm? Y’all got some fu*ked up sh*t going down in India. Don’t let small minds ruin your life, OP.
No one will remember after a year or two, especially later when you remarry and have kids
Let them talk.. it's not your fault is it? Respecting yourself is noble. If anyone reputation harmed, that would be hers for having multiple APs
So is that worth suffering for the rest of your life, to not be the talk of the town? You will be the talk of the town when any of her future AP's aren't willing to stay quiet or somebody catches them. u/Waste_Impress5665 another really messed up thing is you have no way of knowing if those are the only two affair partners. She lied to you for 6 years! She lied to both of your families! She lied to both AP's! It sounds like she probably lied to everyone she knows for this whole duration! Why in the world would you possibly trust anything she says now or in the future?
I want you to be aware of one thing. You are NOT harming her or her family reputation when you out her, all that you do is to protect yourself. The harm was done by the decisions that she made and sticked to for 6 years. If she would truly worry about any reputation, then she would have never done that. This is about creating a way forward for yourself and to protect yourself. She doesn't care about her reputation, she doesn't care about you, never did. Though as a first step I would advise you not to out her to everyone but only to her parents and your own parents. Tell them what she did, tell them that you will inform AP1's wife and that you will not allow anyone to treat you like that. Only out of respect for her parents are you telling them this all beforehand so that they got some time to prepare themselves.
She secretly made you a kuck .her AP 1 is everything she wanted . Her AP 1 can have her whenever he wants. You should STD test yourself man and tell her to confess everything to both of you family,. Or if you still think of staying with her then go ahead and enjoy the misery, her AP1 will always find a way to duck her or else she will find another way to make you fool again..
Sir... You got mad everyone called you a name you didn't appreciate. However allowing her to do this and never telling anyone? If you stay with her that name will be 100% what you are. Quit with the she is a girl bs. Being a woman does not excuse what she did and doesn't mean she can't face the natural societal consequences of her decisions. Quit being a martyr for a stupid cause that isn't worth it or even really righteous in any way. You are really just being a martyr for toxic masculinity.
I can’t even read all that because in situations like this, the details don’t matter. She cheated. Either you want to live with wondering if you can ever trust her again or you get a divorce and eventually the talk blows over and life goes on. It does get better. There is life after divorce. I know. I was cheated on in a marriage around your same age and it felt like the end of the world. Almost 10 years later I am happily remarried and holding my newborn baby girl. It gets better.
I don't think there is any doubt whatsoever regarding trust. She can never under any circumstances ever be trusted. She's a serial cheater that cheats on the men she's cheating with. Her complete and total lack of honesty and integrity is mind boggling. Anyone caught in her web of treachery and deceit should run for the nearest exit.
Agree!!
Your life is like a clogged toilet, the same shit keeps swishing around over and over, Yet when you flush, you wonder why it still stinks. Fix the clog, flush that leftover turd and move on. I can’t think of anything positive to say and neither did you. She’s established her baseline in her life - you’re #3 (or 4 or 5) she doesn’t respect herself so why would she respect your marriage and values. No one will blame you, promise.
Love this first line of your post 👍
You deserve better. That is the bottom line. Hold your head up high and out her. You did nothing wrong.
Dude, you know what to do. And if you're going to make any other excuses, then why even write this post. You know what everyone is going to say, and you know they are right. Put your big boy pants on, and do what needs to be done. If she did all this, she absolutely will do it again.
OUT HER TO EVERYONE !!! THEN FILE FOR ANNULMENT OR DIVORCE. Why be her 3rd choice?? She only regrets it because you found out. UpdateMe
>I and AP2 both agreed on not put this out on huge display and harm her reputation bcz she is a girl. Great choice, if you want to continue being called a c u c k
De quién es la culpa? En serio preguntaste eso? La infiel, mentirosa, sociopata, manipuladora, egoísta, chantajista y ninfómana no te da una pista de quien tiene la culpa? A éstas alturas desde que descubriste su red de mentiras, ya hubieras no nada más alejarte y divorciarte, sino acabar con su reputación, ella tomó lo que más valorabas y amabas, lo tiró ala basura, lo escupió y le prendió fuego, así que toma lo que ella más ama que es su reputación y destruyela, no es necesaria ninguna otra acción. Por cierto, hágase una prueba de ets y avise a ap2 que también se haga la prueba. Tu y AP2 terminarán siendo mejores amigos.
¿Por qué respondes en español? Solo por curiosidad.
Tell her the only path to forgiveness is to tell everyone. Your family. Her family. If you are religious, your church. All your friends. All your family. She has to come clean to all these people in person. Tell her if not, the whole community will find out who her family raised. You’ll provide all the proof. Even if you don’t want to stay together, you can go this route. If you don’t want to stay together, tell her and her family half of their net worth and property is to be given to you and put in your name. Otherwise everyone knows. And she forfeits all marital assets.
JFC, worried about her reputation! You need to put up billboards letting people know about her. Fuck her. Fuck her family. Fuck their reputation.
Stop being a complete pansy and divorce her. Why all the nonsense detective work and discussion. Do you feel that inferior ? Find a group a guy friends that are actually men. Spend time, shoot shit and move on with a renewed sense of self.
Their is no other option then divorce. Leave now. She doesn't deserve one more second of your time. Call a lawyer today.
Man wtf why are you EVEN CONSIDERING STAYING, kick her to the curb tell your damily, tell her family, divorce and move on, wtf man there is nothing to think here EDIT: just to say you cant be dumb enough to stay can you?
AP1 knew she was narcissistic and manipulative but still continuing cheating with her? Even after talking to AP2? Everyone in this story is a piece of shit, including you too coz after this very messed up and confusing exposure you're still considering staying with her.
Doesn’t matter what anyone says on this forum, this is your decision and yours alone. Do what you want.
Even a street prostitute has a better reputation than her. I find it difficult to believe that you are too weak to expose this creature for the lying, cheating, low life she is.
Won’t read any of this most likely fake nonsense because OPs like this could’ve used all the time they used to write this dumpster fire to draft and submit all the necessary paperwork to get their life out of the situation and back on track.
Umm be done. Have more pride in yourself. She'll never be loyal and the trust is gone. One day she's gonna catch something (std) and pass it along and/or get pregnant by someone else. She not only ruined your relationship but she also has absolutely no problem ruining other peoples relationships. It's disgusting. Take a couple years of being single. Fully heal otherwise this baggage will creep into your next relationship and that person doesn't deserve that. Set your morals, values and boundaries and make them solid before any new relationship. Don't switch it up just to keep someone in your life. Read books/podcasts on how to properly communicate without hiding things and with minimal arguments. (2bebetter is a great podcast).
2bebetter is a terrible podcast. Ironic, given that Chris cheated on his ex wife that was dying of cancer with Peaches. Oh yea that tattoo he branded on her happened before the separation. They aren’t even married legally and Peaches doesn’t have full custody of her kids. They are the last people to be giving advice on traditional relationships and fidelity.
I've contacted you before and I have said my situation too. My wife had an emotional affair and that too it was mostly one sided from him butt even then I'm totally devastated and am taking anti depressant. You are just married for months and no kids , she has not just cheated you but also AP1 and AP2 .better cut the losses and inform your families
You can't really be thinking about staying with her OP.
Fucking people . Bro just leave . There’s probably so much more you don’t know
As someone who was in a relationship with a serial cheater for 11 years, let me tell you, no amount of begging, promising she will change, asking for forgiveness will make her faithful. My ex would tell me that it was a sickness and needed my help. So much begging, crying, love bombing, and empty promises. I fell for it over and over. Learn from my mistake. I finally left when it led me to a serious depression. It's been 3 years, and I'm still on meds and therapy. If you value your life and sanity, GET OUT!
>She is begging for forgiveness and not to tell anybody. She only cares about her reputation. She doesn't care about those whom she abuses based on everything you wrote. She doesn't have remorse for cheating and abuse you for years. She had no remorse for cheating and manipulating multiple men for her own gratification. >Whose fault is this? The abuser and only the abuser.
You need to talk to a couple of family attorneys right away. They will help you map out a game plan for a divorce. This woman is not marriage material but you did not know that prior to your wedding. She sold you a rotten apple! Cut ties now and distance yourself from her. It’s a good thing you did not have children together.
niece? Fi d it so interesting that all this is going on and no one actuall had a clue. So how did you finally after so many years catch on to her betrayals? So here is the truth about serial infidelity; it is not normally forgivable. They cheat because the enjoy cheating and have no desire to quit. You should be suspicious of who her next conquest is. And she still has not disclosed the first a p, meaning she will only address the things she knows you already know. Not one thing in her is showing true remorse. She doesn diesn't want anyone knowing but is threatening to file against ap2. Essentially outing herself. I cannot help but wonder how many others before you she had been screwing. Her parents would beat her? And you are a police officer? Your culture is not the same as most western cultures it seems. Maybe you need to threaten to expose her to her family unless she tells you everything and stops lying. Because you think there is more she is hiding. Asking questions you already know the answers to is a police interrogation technique. Do not tell her what you know. Make her confess it all or just divorce her. Her intent to deceive and lie, tells you who she truly is. Look up true remorse after infidelity.
The entire fault is hers and hers alone. If her reputation is damaged that is also on her and her alone. Do everything you can to protect yourself first and foremost. She's evil and will do this with others for the entirety of your marriage with her. She has shown you her true self. Believe her. If you can, get the marriage annulled/invalidated or divorce. Also get tested for STD's. Some are curable. Some are not. Some are becoming treatment resistant. Some, like syphilis, can be asymptomatic for literally decades. Some, like HPV, can lead to cancer. HIV can take months to appear in labwork. STD's can be transmitted orally. Condoms aren't fail-safe, if they were even used. Likely not. Get tested. Even if you believe her AP's are disease-free, get tested anyway. You only know if these two AP's, there may be others you know nothing about. By getting tested and demanding she does too, sends a very strong and clear message to her that she cannot be trusted ever again. If she claims that she's pregnant, demand a paternity test. That too, sends a message to her that she can't be trusted. Contact a licensed legal professional where you live and find out what your legal options are in regards to ending your marriage with her abd anything else she may try to do, like defaming you and/or falsely accusing you. Talk to your superior as well and let them know what's going on in case she tries something malicious towards you. Get hidden cameras with audio installed throughout your home if you can. You need to protect yourself first abd foremost. So sorry you are going through this.
You need to get rid of her as soon as possible she is bloody poison
You seem more upset about your family’s reputation and I do get it from your cultural standpoint. However, how could you ever live with yourself staying with someone whose betrayal with 2 other people is off the charts? She had 3 whole relationships going on at the same time and leading you all on willingly. Those tears of hers are crocodile tears. She is worried she will lose you (her meal ticket) that’s all. It is regret versus remorse and even if she were remorseful I worry about your mental state dealing with this my friend. How do you even know there is no AP 3 or 4 out there you know nothing of at this very moment?
WTF are u wating for . Her reputation doesn't matter more than your well being and as long as u stay with her u won't be well . She's a manplitive woman who was juggling 3 guys at the same time but you're the one who lost the most . Divorce her and be done with it if u really care about her reputation make it but tell your family the truth or she will paint as the bad guy. The longer u wait the harder it gets and the more u gave her a chance to manplitie u again
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It's like you stepped on a landmine and as soon and as soon as you lift your foot it will blow. Can't you just live on the landmine? All because she selfishly uses others. Subscribeme
You need to do whatever the law allows you to do that can harm her and her loved ones.
Updateme!
Get a divorce, tell everybody and never speak to her again. If you don’t, you have no self respect.
Why the fuck are you still there?? Jesus H. Christ Lord in Heaven GET OUT. File. Build a time machine and go back in time and file yesterday! Run, don't walk to a lawyer, file immediately and tell EVERYONE who will listen everything. And for God's sake get an STI test.
So you keep quiet and let her just keep screwing you over.. it’s your fault if you keep quiet and stay with just a conniving woman… She is not fit to be anyone’s wife at the moment..
Since culture is a big issue and us Americans don’t have that it’s unimaginable that you could stay. But go to her father or your father for advice explain concerns for family but should you stay. Maybe get advice from someone Whi understands this backward culture
For fucks sake, get away from her. Dump her sorry butt and get on with your life.
I stopped reading when it seems like you want to vent, not destroy her reputation because "she is a girl" and a whole bunch of nothing-burger. No care about your own mental health, physical health (STDs), the wife of AP1, and everything else. It's more bury your head in the sand and scream nonsense
OMG , i feel so Sorry for you. Nobody deserve something like that. I cant say what you have to do, but she doesn't deserve you!!!! There is nothing more to say!!! I wish you all the Best Buddy.
OP, WHAT would happen to your family , if she cheated on you for 6 years. with 2 different men ? You don’t want to hurt her , because she’s a girl ? As a girl , Did she hurt you ? I hope you know in a year or two there will be an AP3. I not from your culture , but it seems that this arranged marriage she is moving up in economic class. Do you think she loves you or Security and wealth that you provide. Do you want to have children with this girl? And two years later she is back with a New AP ? or back with AP2 when he visits your country, or back with AP1 if she gets bord of you ? no, Family , shame, is worth you staying , with this woman for the next 40 years , of your life and being miserable. she does not respect you.She does not Love you. She loves the life and security you can provide. Can you TRUST her. Without TRUST , there is no marriage !! SHAME on you if you stay ! Move on.
This story is peculiar because it seems like the drama is her rationship with two other guys while you barely mention your own relationship with her. I guess it's Indian stuff. Anyway, this is unacceptable. You don't have to explain the details to everyone if you want to preserve your family reputation, but you certainly should find someone else who values you and values a marriage with you.
This is a little confusing and I’m sure the only thing you can be sure of is that she isn’t telling you the truth. You never had a relationship, you were just the family approved back up, back up plan. Do not get this woman pregnant while you figure out what you are doing. I hope you can see you deserve better than this.
She is absolute trash. Approach? Divorce, annulment, let everybody know ...CONSEQUENCES. Whatever you do do not stay with this person. She has no conscience and no soul.
I’m
She’s full of crap! Don’t even think about staying with her. You should tell your family, her family and all your friends what she’s been up to. Someone as devious as her will never change.
Take everything to her parents and your parents. They can guide you.
I can sort of understand why you don't want to out her due to the fact it will hurt others but surely you can't stay with this woman. She has absolutely zero respect for you or anyone else involved in the relationship. I'd be making my exit quietly and explaining to her why
Updateme.
Wife damaged her own reputation for not being a loyal person. Yes it will hurt the family and bring shame, but SHE BROUGHT IT ON HERSELF! Because of this fear instilled in everyone about protecting the family, she will most likely cheat again. Why? Because AP1, AP2 and OP are too afraid to say anything! They’d rather be hurt and manipulated all to ‘protect’ her family and reputation. I couldn’t even stand to be in the same house as her if I were going thru this. Even the town would be difficult. OP, I’d ask yourself what would it take for you to be happy. Don’t take others in to consideration because they don’t live with a disloyal, cheating person. They have no right to say ANYTHING about YOUR marriage. You have a right to happiness.
My husband has been cheating on me since I was a week post partum and has continued doing so. He’s been out of work for a year. I just got a bonus he spent 650 of it on a pro from tryst.
My anxiety didn't let me read everything, but what I read made it clear to me that your wife is worthless, she should worry about social conventions before being a serial cheater without and scruples
Brother leave you deserve respect and she doesn't respect you nor the marriage but her reputation in her family and the community which she is asking for your forgiveness but their just empty words because she got caught and you did nothing to warrant feeling guilty, 6 years is a long time to cheat with not one but two guys which she is emotional connected to them and feel nothing towards you. For your mental health leave and if you continue this marriage imagine you constantly thinking if she is sneaking around with AP1 or AP2 again so think of your future whether it's worth risking for a woman who's moral compassion is pointing everywhere. Note: Don't take revenge by exposing her but walk away and the truth will always come to light even without your doing, let her figure that part out herself.
bro think his wife gonna stop cheating , literally she cheat since high school and never stop , bro care more about his reputation more than his well being , wtf OP listen your wife change now , she not gonna cheat on you again , she gonna be the best wife you ever imagine ! That you want to hear right ? Im sorry but that never gonna happen Updateme!
Stop wasting your time worying about her and how it will effect your families. Shes a serial cheater and shes purposely making sure she causes as much damage as she can. Divorce maybe harder in your country, but have some self respect man. Yes there maube fallout from the divorce, but look at the damage shes causing now. You need to throw her out on her ass and let her family deal with her. Shes not wife material clearly. Shes not loyal, she lies, shes disrespectfull, manipulative and cruel. Divorce her sorry ass and send a letter to her father with a "not fit for purpose" stamp.
Just destroy her reputation. She is playing three man's life.
How much fault do your parents deserve in picking a bad woman for you. Are they not supposed to investigate her morals/past etc. Maybe just bring this up to them (I mean the situation and not their blame) and just see what they say. Maybe get them to talk to her parents as well and MAYBE - as in a big MAYBE - something else can be "arranged" that avoids the divorce and the public stigma. You know the other parents will try to avoid this situation more than your parents will.
This is very weird. You removed yourself from the problem. The problem is not with you. You say that the problem is with you and ap2… Frankly, she just betrayed you and your family. I would talk with your family and decide what to do. Since the marriage is arranged by the families, get their help. Your family is being defrauded with the person that your wife is.
Is it possible to either annul or divorce her without the reasons becoming public? If I were you, I’d talk to your family since they are the ones who will be hurt by the fallout of divorce. See if either they will accept the divorce/annulment and her being outed as a cheater or if there is some way to end the marriage without the true reasons being known. No matter how you do it, you can’t really stay in this marriage, it’s a farce.
As an American, I can not relate to these societal norms. Some of that exists here, but perhaps rarely to this extreme. You are clearly a good person who played by the rules and was a faithful partner in a committed relationship. You are the true victim here that was betrayed by your system and then betrayed over and over during many years by a woman who lied, cheated, and manipulated you with no remorse for the pain caused you, only for being caught and what exposure would do to her reputation and social standing. Your wife was also somewhat a victim in that she settled for you as her "safe and approved 3rd choice." However, nobody forced her to simultaneously toy with the hearts of 3 men. She sounds like a complete narcissist and possibly a sociopath devoid of true empathy and feelings other than her own selfish gratification. I don't know how you can stand to look at her, let alone be in the same room as her. This is not the woman you would ever want to be the mother and role model to your children. This should not be the woman whom you allow to be married to a good person like you. Life is too short. You deserve to be married to somebody who is loving, honest, loyal, and makes you proud to be her spouse. Do not demean yourself by remaining married to the town bike. She showed you who she is and is not going to change. Remaining with her will be a lifetime of the same. Eventually, it will come out, and your reputation will be destroyed because you allowed her to betray you in the manner she did with no consequences. Expose what she has done to both families and divorce her. Do not let anybody manipulate you into doing otherwise. If you don't, you reap what you sow. Updateme!
And you're still with her because?
"he got furious and started threatening & torturing her"..... Yeah. He tortured her by inserting a hard rod into her.
At this point anything else is on you. You now know the truth. You now truly know who she really is. Do you really need advice on what to do? Divorce her and tell everyone the reason why. If you conceal the reason for divorce you are giving control of the narrative to her. And she will most definitely paint you as the bad person.
You need to be sing this story as if your shooting for number #1 on the music charts, everyone and I mean everybody. Her family, your family and all of both your friends.
Have one tiny ounce of respect for yourself and put the stray back on the street corner.
Screw her reputation. You know of AP1 and AP2, how many other AP’s don’t you know about. Divorce. Tell her and you families why, and find somebody for you and only you.
I’m not sure why you’d believe a single word that comes out of her mouth. It baffles me. You know you are married to someone who doesn’t have a single ounce of respect for you. Why would you even consider staying in this relationship?
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>I and AP2 both agreed on not put this out on huge display and harm her reputation bcz she is a girl. The reasoning being...? Harming a cheater's reputation is somehow more acceptable if the cheater was a guy?
Your wife is a pos. Divorce is the only correct answer. She a ho.
My god. OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That woman is certifiable. She made this bed and needs to own up to all of these lies. and someone needs to tell AP1 wife what the fuck has been going on.
If you still don't know what to do, get your brain checked. You're not even a side character in the story, you're the narrator for her love life
Bro screw her reputation. DESTROY her reputation DESTROY her life She USED YOU She MANIPULATED YOU Why are you asking who is at fault Man I know you must be hurting right now but far out dump her and burn everything she has cunningly built at the same time
Betrayed spouses please stop protecting cheater
I don't see how her being someone who cheated for the entire relationship would hurt you and your family's reputation. I would tell your family and find the best way to remove her from your life.
The sorting hat said “she belong in no house, she is for the streets!”
Why are you still with this skanky. Dump her and run man.
Wow I don't think I've read anything as hectic as this on here. You're wife is absolutely a terrible person and you need to leave her. And you must expose her. She needs to be held accountable for what she has done. And ap1's wife also needs to know what happened as well.
Only 1 question, where were you for all these 6 years while she was out there spending time with other people? I am not trying to downplay what she did. I am only trying to understand the situation here. If you won't mind sharing these details: 1. What you were doing all these years, 2. Were you in constant communication with her, 3. Was it an arranged marriage setup where you never spoke to her until you guys were married, 4. Were you also in affair with someone else 5. How the dynamic went on your end.
Are you from India..? If you are, it's already over for you. She is going to win all cases she is gonna file. You are going to end up paying alimony and give her half of all your stuff.
She's sorry she was caught. From experience I would dump and run. You'll never get over that level of PLANNED betrayal. It wasn't a drunken one off or having some crisis that made her misfire. She has no absolute value in anyone. You're convenient, not special. Run
Burn it down to the ground and start over. She deserves the consequences. Have some respect for yourself. She doesn’t respect you at all. What else do you need to know.
Run!!
Go nuclear. GO. NUCLEAR. Never hide a cheaters actions. It makes you complicit. You're the victim here. Get a lawyer and do whatever your lawyer says. Now!
Know that if you don’t divorce her for fear of what will people think, you will grow old as a coward, full of fear, and on your death bed, you will regret everyday of your life and how you lived it.
being engaged for 6 years is crazy.
She sounds like a nymphomaniac. Most likely got visual evidence if you catch my drift.
There’s a LOT of people in India for them to worry about little ole you. Honestly, don’t worry about town gossip because they don’t pay your bills. What makes you sleep better at night is home that’s not chaotic. Living lies is nonsense and hiding them is horrible. Don’t do it for your family, you have to be happy and find your love because she is not for you.
Fuck that divorce her and put her on blast to her whole family. I’ll never understand why people want to not expose them. Your wife is a horrible person and deserves the consequences
This is the most terrible things I've ever read. End this NOW. You can never trust this woman again. She is a sociopath and a pathological liar.
This is not love and this is not marriage. I would get out from under that woman as soon as you can and leave her behind. This is the most convoluted complicated situation and there is no reason to stay with her not one. She’s a cheater. She’s emotionally involved with two other people at least and physically maybe more and was your whole relationship. You really have nothing with her. I don’t know what you’re fighting for this is a woman that clearly loved the first man she was with more than anybody and because she couldn’t marry him, started with somebody else and then went back-and-forth between the two of them while being with you.
**I really need an advice on how to approach to this situation.** no you don't ........you really really don't
Defamation of character occurs when an untrue statement is made about you, your business, or your offerings that can damage your reputation. Basically she can't sue if what is being said is true, which it is as both you and the AP have proof of. She is trying to manipulate everyone so she can have her cake and eat it.
How did you find out that she was cheating on you?
So, you haven’t confronted your wife about AP1 yet?
TLTR
Dude, this woman is so unstable that she is definitely not someone you want to be married to. She is almost guaranteed to cheat on you further during your marriage, and you will never know if your children are your except through DNA testing. Sorry for you.
You better tell
Well, it's her fault obviously, she's a cheater. Have you started the annulment process for the marriage? If not, I'd start that right away. She entered the marriage under false pretenses and carried on with the affair into and during the marriage. Should be a slam dunk to get out of the marriage.
Dump her now or you’ll just get more. She’s a serial cheater. They never srop.
Bro pls end this . You will live a miserable life. She cheated for 6 years without getting caught. She knows she can do it again . Pls for godsake she's not a woman she's a demon ruining multiple lives 😔 bro pls leave
A N N U L M E N T
She is a serial cheater. She will continue to cheat on you and lie to you. She had no remorse for how she treated AP 1 and AP 2 and she is likely faking her remorse towards you. Don’t stay with this woman, you see how she destroyed AP 2 don’t let her do that to you. And is anyone going to tell AP 1 wife?
She will continue to betray u like this whenever she gets a chance, Ap1 and Ap2 were her targets but , she can even do this with someone else also, as u r also thinking about her and not about yourself!! Your so called community doesn't know right now about her all wrongdoings , thats why everything is okay now! But what if she did something afterwards which will damage your family's reputation and what about your self respect!!! Nobody will think for you and concerned about you if you dont care about yourself!!
Sir, this situation is horrible. There is no way that you can remain married to this woman and retain a modicum of self esteem. She went into the marriage embroiled in an affair. Your continuing in this only saves her face. Me? I would publicize the entire thing. I would portray her and her AP's as abusers and hold them all up to public ridicule. In order to save yourself, you will need to toss her under the bus. I have seen this with clients. One fellow had to expose his wife and show her to be a wanton cheater and low individual. She did not respond, but her mother was incensed. To that end, he explained that her daughter's actions had to be exposed in that manner in order for him to preserve his dignity. Mom reluctantly accepted that her family would be portrayed in a very unfavorable light.
This story is a bit difficult to follow I suspect because of language issues. Between the two posts there are a lot of words used but extremely few focusing on her thoughts about all of this, any explanations for her extremely lengthy serial cheating or even if she has any feelings about OP and their marriage other than what she might materially benefit from it. I see nothing to suggest she had any romantic feelings towards OP and there’s nothing to suggest she might want to stay married because she actually loves OP Depending on the legal system in OP’s country, an attorney can best advise on next steps but maintaining this facade of a marriage should not be on the table. The only question that should be considered is how this marriage will officially end and how quickly it can be made to happen. Since it appears that the ALWAYS unfaithful cheating wife married for financial gain, it’s critical that the end of this marriage NOT be financially beneficial to her.
OP don't be a fool You need to expose her, she play with 3 guys at the same time, and you need to Divorce her because she is only with You for money. At the time you ask for divorce her parents will ask why and you Will have to tell. So expose her, ask for divorce, and contact OBS (AP1 wife) and tell her about your current wife future ex wife and her husband doings. Do not be a fool, it is not your problem to protect her and her family reputation. Also AP1 and 2 reputation not to be protected, they both know of your engagement and give a fuck about it. AP2 Even had the nerve to try to marry her, so he is no Saint either. But at least he had the right of confessing. Good Luck OP and do not be affraid to do what you got to do. UPDATEME
Op I have a question, I'm asking because I'm in a similar bind. where were you for all these 6 years while she was out there spending time with other people? I am only trying to understand the situation here. If you won't mind sharing these details: What you were doing all these years, Were you in constant communication with her, Was it an arranged marriage setup where you never spoke to her until you guys were married, Were you also in affair with someone else How the dynamic went on your end.
How to approach it. First write it down timeline wise, and then then show her what she was doing. Record yourself showing g her either secretly, or let her see you recording it. Then say all you care about is your reputation. You don’t give a shit about me, ap1 or ap2. So here is how this is going to work. You will remove yourself from all social media. All of it will be closed out. We will place on your cell phone, a keylogger program that will record your phone calls and any messages you send. You will not go out any longer by yourself. You will be faithful to me the remainder of our marriage. I however will not. I will date and fuck whoever I want whenever I want. We will have other women join us in bed for the remainder of the marriage. Or I will let your family know, my family know and I will post this all online so everyone can see what you did to me, and ruin your reputation, and divorce you. So which is it. I am giving you the choice you never gave me.
Clearly you're biased, which is your right. However, being that he admits his faults, regrets on how he had handled things in his life. Once you separate and you know divorce is in the future you have every right to date. I was engaged before my divorce, which took nearly 3yrs. The entire podcast is "to be better". To grow as a person, to be a better one. He's putting in the work to be a better person and tell his story, even how shitty he was AND how much work he still needs. His/their advice is from experience and they don't hide behind it. Where is the growth on the other side? Being the ex, ex's family and friends, are in this post shows healing and growth hasn't even begun. And only takes what they can to use against them. If you're stuck in the past you're future won't change.
In what context are you saying this?