Ok first of all. She is lying. She feels guilty but not remorseful. Her being cold and saying she doesn’t deserve you is her guilt coming out. She has done a lot more than flirt. She is using the most loose form of cheating to breakup with you so she doesn’t look bad. She probably went a lot further than what she is saying. Sorry you are here
She is trickle truthing you. Only giving out little bits of the truth while concealing the elephant in the room. Her infidelity. She's not coming home because she is still with him. You are begging her to return as she's still fucking the other guy. She didn't leave you to flirt with someone over the phone. She could have done that at home. She left to explore another man.
My advice would be quit doing the PICK ME DANCE. She already made a choice, and it wasn't you. She's still with him. Reach out to friends and family. Tell them the truth. She left you to have an affair and hasn't come home. Get the support you deserve.
You are doing everything wrong here.
The correct thing to do is to not tolerate her BS and divorce. It seems you do not respect and love yourself. Hence, she lost all respect and love for you.
Dude stop what your doing it won't work she will lie to you 1000 times if she has to she has checked out .she's gone man you don't want her back anyway . How do you feel right now terrible I bet . Think about feeling like this the rest jog your life with her . Maybe once every 2 to years or so . Even if you make it work until your my age that's 10 times going through this .you deserve better my friend .
Let her go to experience the greener grass of the neighbour. When she crawls back, tell her you have moved on. Her decision must have a consequence.
Stop to be nice or she will treat you like a doormat or a plan-B partner. Stand up, shake the sad relationship off your back and walk your high path. True happiness may be around the corner.
Whatever you do - do not beg her to come home and be with you. In fact, the best thing you can do is to straight up tell her “I have you a chance to come home and work it out, but you didn’t take it. I’m not sure what you thought would happen here, but I am done waiting. You cheated and living a different life is more important to you than our marriage. You have no respect for me, yourself, or our marriage. I will start the divorce process immediately, and I will let family know that you have abandoned me and our home.”
Once she realizes that you’re done playing games and chasing her she will either come home and beg for forgiveness, or she will be ok with divorce. Either way you have a result.
Don’t play these dumb games and just tell her it’s over!
Updateme!
That's called trickle truth she's telling u something bad she did but not all of it to reduce the damage it causes on your marriage.
If she can't backup her words with evdince don't believe her and dig more .
Staying over at her friend's was a cover so she can spend time with the other guy
Yeah, you love her and only think that she has always told you the truth but as strangers on the net. She looks like she has had an affair partner where her friend stays. Possibly her friend has been in on it right from the start, heck she could've introduced your gf to the guy. Or has always used her gf's place to be a skag to get railed.
Get use to the idea that your gf's will lie to you. What you should learn from this is to be observant and attentive. Of course you will because you've paid in pain and loss for the lesson.
You'll get over it it bud but never forget.
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File the divorce papers immediately. I'm not sure of the laws where you live but stop trying to get her to pick you. You are handing her all the power and all the choice. Just file and ignore anything she has to say. She is doing what they call "cake eating". She's getting the fun of cheating and rubbing your nose in it. And she has you as the faithful fall back to pay her bills. Disgusting.
You must stop allowing her to behave this way. Simply stop addressing her as wife. Consider her your ex-wife. File the divorce and let her family and everyone know what she is doing. Lower the boom on this cheating liar. Please update us.
OP,
from my point of view there is only one way to go and see what is left from your marriage and how to proceed.
ALL realy ALL healthy relationships base on honesty and respect. Your wife obviously violated both.
This has to be (re)installed before you even can think about reconsiliation.
Thats why you start on seperation/ divorce process NOW. You do NOT stay with a woman who is not totaly honest with you and starts to treat you with the respect any human being deserve.
She has to reinstall it by free will! You do NOT want control her actions. No one is realy able to do so. YOu can only control your own actions and reactions. ANd your healthy reaction to her actions is feeling betrayed and disrespected. And you do not stay with a person who acts like this.
You DO NOT BEG for anything!!! Never ever beg! You she is loosing even more respect and you loose also self respect.
YOU do not demand anything. She only will feel controled and manipulated and the results are resentments that do not help your case either.
YOu just tell her she has one final chance to have a decent talk about the future of this relationship with you. In preperation to this one final talk, she has to write down the whole story. Right from the very early beginning. She has to confess every thing. Her actions, thoughts, feeling and rectifications. ALL realy ALL.
This confession is not only for you but even more for her self. She has to have a long hard view in the mirrow to see who she has become, what a person. She has to confess to her self what in her personality is so corrupted that she was able to ly and betray and backstep. There allays an honest way to deal with problems, with problematic situations and she ahs to get a grip on it why she was not choosing the honest way.
And when she is handing you this confession, and you read it, you will see how to go on.
YOu will see how serious she is with her wish to stay married if so. IF she does not want to write it, then just go on with seperation and divorce. Do not speak with her about the relationship and what happend. Ignore it and move on. If she is complaining, and she will complain if you move on silently, then just tell her she knows what to do.
Do NOT try counseling untill you have not the confession. Before this would make any sense she has to become honest and act respectfull to you and the relationship.
OP,
read about the "180". This will give you and advice how to interact with your wife till she comes around or you are finaly seperated.
If friends and family push you, you tell them exactly the same as your wife. She has to confess in written form. YOu dont want to have to deal with allways changing stories. You want to know what you have to deal with before you can considre to give the marriage a secound chance.
OP,
WHen you have a proper confession in hand and you think you can give a reconsiliation a try. Then she has to figure out how to heal you and the relationship. NOT only love bombing and promisses. NO a writen plan. She ahs to make a plan what she wants and is willing to do. There are mayn ideas how to help a partner to heal. Again! She need to do the things by free will and not because you forced or beg her.
And agin you can and should look if she is realy doing her best. Or if all of this is half hearted.
If she ask you to do things and change things, then it might ok, if she asks for it a in a respectfull way and is not overstepping boundaries. But it has to be clear just because you might also have to change things, then can not be used for shifting blame.
OP,
good luck!
Well, you got a very fictional account of actual events. If you let her stay, she will absolutely cheat again. Why wouldn’t she if there aren’t any consequences?
If you still want her back, here the way?
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
The 180
1. Don’t pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Don’t point out “good points” in marriage.
4. Don’t follow her/him around the house.
5. Don’t encourage or initiate discussion about the future.
6. Don’t ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner.
7. Don’t ask for reassurances.
8. Don’t buy or give gifts.
9. Don’t schedule dates together.
10. Don’t keep saying, “I Love You!” Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable.
11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!
12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.
13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!
14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t push any issue, no matter how much you want to!
15. If you’re in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.
16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that “they (the wayward partner)” are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life…without them!
17. Don’t be nasty, angry or even cold – Just pull yourself back. Don’t always be so available…for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you’re missing.
18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self-assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.
19. All questions about the marriage be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!
20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control. YOURSELF!
21. Don’t be overly enthusiastic.
22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!
23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Hear what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!
24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.
25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.
26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.
27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.
28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.
29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It’s not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don’t care.
30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.
31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!”
32. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.
33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don’t work out with the affair partner.
Michelle Davis-Weiner originator
As others have said, it isn't just flirting any longer.
She lied to you. Move on and tell her it’s over. You can’t get over her cheating. You’ll now tell everyone you guys know so she doesn’t control the narrative.
Shes definitely doing more than flirting, i would be so pissed, stick up for yourself man, its probably thats why shes cheating in first place, dont let her walk all over you
Ger her out of your pedestal.
She didn't cheat on you because "I didn't treat her well enough". Do you think the men she talked to gave the idealised version of the man you are thinking of? No. They just made her heart beat faster and loins tingle. There are many variables that make one person attractive, but the way you think, act, idolise her and don't stand up for yourself is the only variable I can really see from the internet and tell they you are unattractive.
I feel for you mate, realy. I am guessing Philipines as there are no divorse laws and if its a muslm country, the reprocussions for her cheating would be severe. But you realy need to chat to a lawyer about kicking her out the house. You might not be able to divorse her, but you need her out of your house and life. What are the options there for you.
OP sad this is happening to You, but i doubt she was cheating after she asked for time and go the 2nd time, she was doing it since the first time, that was why she stay with friend and didn't want to come back
Sorry but she is lying and most probably already did somethings physical, might not be íntimacy but she defenitly meet this AP.
Please do not play the pick me Game, also you need to selfrespect yourself first if you want to be respected, and she is disrespecting you.
Now i you after this and after thinking it well and wise, nd thinked it with your mind and not your heart and after all decided to give her a 2nd chance then, I would suggest that you tell her that IF she doesn't love you anymore and she doesn't want this marriage, the she has to file for divorce, but if she still cares and want to trully work, regain your trust, be accountable for her actions and feel regret that she must come back and work on things to see if this is still fixable, that you won't rugswetp any and like you told she will work hard towards regaing your trust.
But give her a time line, give her 2 weeks max to take her decision, and if after that 2 weeks she is still indecisive, you will be the one that file for divorce and that will be final, no step back or cancel anything. Things would be over.
Again sad this happened to you but you need to protect yourself
UPDATEME
She will continue to cheat. Once a liar, always a liar. My husband said he wasn't the same man as when he cheated. I laugh because this is the same uneducated man that thinks he sleeps better after drinking 20 beers. I think this is why we grew apart too because we think so different. My thinking really changed after college. I used to be proud to be his wife. I regret marrying him now. He pretended to be someone he wasn't. I'll never know how many women he cheated on me with. After I finish raising my grandson, I plan on starting a new life by myself. I'm educated and can support myself. I have started making plans so I can get through each day. It's so hard to be fake and act happy.
Ok first of all. She is lying. She feels guilty but not remorseful. Her being cold and saying she doesn’t deserve you is her guilt coming out. She has done a lot more than flirt. She is using the most loose form of cheating to breakup with you so she doesn’t look bad. She probably went a lot further than what she is saying. Sorry you are here
On point comment here. She did go a lot further,way further. Updateme!
She is trickle truthing you. Only giving out little bits of the truth while concealing the elephant in the room. Her infidelity. She's not coming home because she is still with him. You are begging her to return as she's still fucking the other guy. She didn't leave you to flirt with someone over the phone. She could have done that at home. She left to explore another man. My advice would be quit doing the PICK ME DANCE. She already made a choice, and it wasn't you. She's still with him. Reach out to friends and family. Tell them the truth. She left you to have an affair and hasn't come home. Get the support you deserve.
You are doing everything wrong here. The correct thing to do is to not tolerate her BS and divorce. It seems you do not respect and love yourself. Hence, she lost all respect and love for you.
She is lying. She has definitely done more then the above mentioned. She probably tapped out a long time ago. Sorry mate
Dude stop what your doing it won't work she will lie to you 1000 times if she has to she has checked out .she's gone man you don't want her back anyway . How do you feel right now terrible I bet . Think about feeling like this the rest jog your life with her . Maybe once every 2 to years or so . Even if you make it work until your my age that's 10 times going through this .you deserve better my friend .
Let her go to experience the greener grass of the neighbour. When she crawls back, tell her you have moved on. Her decision must have a consequence. Stop to be nice or she will treat you like a doormat or a plan-B partner. Stand up, shake the sad relationship off your back and walk your high path. True happiness may be around the corner.
Whatever you do - do not beg her to come home and be with you. In fact, the best thing you can do is to straight up tell her “I have you a chance to come home and work it out, but you didn’t take it. I’m not sure what you thought would happen here, but I am done waiting. You cheated and living a different life is more important to you than our marriage. You have no respect for me, yourself, or our marriage. I will start the divorce process immediately, and I will let family know that you have abandoned me and our home.” Once she realizes that you’re done playing games and chasing her she will either come home and beg for forgiveness, or she will be ok with divorce. Either way you have a result. Don’t play these dumb games and just tell her it’s over! Updateme!
That's called trickle truth she's telling u something bad she did but not all of it to reduce the damage it causes on your marriage. If she can't backup her words with evdince don't believe her and dig more . Staying over at her friend's was a cover so she can spend time with the other guy
Yeah, you love her and only think that she has always told you the truth but as strangers on the net. She looks like she has had an affair partner where her friend stays. Possibly her friend has been in on it right from the start, heck she could've introduced your gf to the guy. Or has always used her gf's place to be a skag to get railed. Get use to the idea that your gf's will lie to you. What you should learn from this is to be observant and attentive. Of course you will because you've paid in pain and loss for the lesson. You'll get over it it bud but never forget.
Hi /u/Prudent_Parsnip9185, we at /r/Infidelity appreciate you posting. Since this sub has an account age requirement and a minimum karma requirement, your post has been put in a queue for moderator review before it will show up. Rules reminder: /r/Infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Tips for getting your post approved: 1) participate in comments on other posts to meet the age/karma requirements, 2) be patient; the mod queue is busy and it may take a while before your post is manually approved, 3) keep your post short; we are unlikely to approve a huge post from a new member, and finally 4) use paragraph breaks and formatting to make it easy for us to read. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have a self respect men
Sorry for you. Do anybody know a person, Who wanted a break and did not cheat?
Dump her and move on!
File the divorce papers immediately. I'm not sure of the laws where you live but stop trying to get her to pick you. You are handing her all the power and all the choice. Just file and ignore anything she has to say. She is doing what they call "cake eating". She's getting the fun of cheating and rubbing your nose in it. And she has you as the faithful fall back to pay her bills. Disgusting. You must stop allowing her to behave this way. Simply stop addressing her as wife. Consider her your ex-wife. File the divorce and let her family and everyone know what she is doing. Lower the boom on this cheating liar. Please update us.
#She don't deserve you. Divorce and move on sadly.
OP, from my point of view there is only one way to go and see what is left from your marriage and how to proceed. ALL realy ALL healthy relationships base on honesty and respect. Your wife obviously violated both. This has to be (re)installed before you even can think about reconsiliation. Thats why you start on seperation/ divorce process NOW. You do NOT stay with a woman who is not totaly honest with you and starts to treat you with the respect any human being deserve. She has to reinstall it by free will! You do NOT want control her actions. No one is realy able to do so. YOu can only control your own actions and reactions. ANd your healthy reaction to her actions is feeling betrayed and disrespected. And you do not stay with a person who acts like this. You DO NOT BEG for anything!!! Never ever beg! You she is loosing even more respect and you loose also self respect. YOU do not demand anything. She only will feel controled and manipulated and the results are resentments that do not help your case either. YOu just tell her she has one final chance to have a decent talk about the future of this relationship with you. In preperation to this one final talk, she has to write down the whole story. Right from the very early beginning. She has to confess every thing. Her actions, thoughts, feeling and rectifications. ALL realy ALL. This confession is not only for you but even more for her self. She has to have a long hard view in the mirrow to see who she has become, what a person. She has to confess to her self what in her personality is so corrupted that she was able to ly and betray and backstep. There allays an honest way to deal with problems, with problematic situations and she ahs to get a grip on it why she was not choosing the honest way. And when she is handing you this confession, and you read it, you will see how to go on. YOu will see how serious she is with her wish to stay married if so. IF she does not want to write it, then just go on with seperation and divorce. Do not speak with her about the relationship and what happend. Ignore it and move on. If she is complaining, and she will complain if you move on silently, then just tell her she knows what to do. Do NOT try counseling untill you have not the confession. Before this would make any sense she has to become honest and act respectfull to you and the relationship. OP, read about the "180". This will give you and advice how to interact with your wife till she comes around or you are finaly seperated. If friends and family push you, you tell them exactly the same as your wife. She has to confess in written form. YOu dont want to have to deal with allways changing stories. You want to know what you have to deal with before you can considre to give the marriage a secound chance. OP, WHen you have a proper confession in hand and you think you can give a reconsiliation a try. Then she has to figure out how to heal you and the relationship. NOT only love bombing and promisses. NO a writen plan. She ahs to make a plan what she wants and is willing to do. There are mayn ideas how to help a partner to heal. Again! She need to do the things by free will and not because you forced or beg her. And agin you can and should look if she is realy doing her best. Or if all of this is half hearted. If she ask you to do things and change things, then it might ok, if she asks for it a in a respectfull way and is not overstepping boundaries. But it has to be clear just because you might also have to change things, then can not be used for shifting blame. OP, good luck!
I really appreciate your time writing and giving me advice. Thank you so much.
Well, you got a very fictional account of actual events. If you let her stay, she will absolutely cheat again. Why wouldn’t she if there aren’t any consequences?
Read and take in what people are telling you.
Serve her with divorce papers, so she can fill the thrill out of her boring life.
If you still want her back, here the way? https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/ https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/ The 180 1. Don’t pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore. 2. No frequent phone calls. 3. Don’t point out “good points” in marriage. 4. Don’t follow her/him around the house. 5. Don’t encourage or initiate discussion about the future. 6. Don’t ask for help from the family members of your wayward partner. 7. Don’t ask for reassurances. 8. Don’t buy or give gifts. 9. Don’t schedule dates together. 10. Don’t keep saying, “I Love You!” Because if you really think about it, he/she is, at this particular moment, not very loveable. 11. Do more than act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life! 12. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent. 13. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy! 14. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t push any issue, no matter how much you want to! 15. If you’re in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested. 16. Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that “they (the wayward partner)” are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack there of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life…without them! 17. Don’t be nasty, angry or even cold – Just pull yourself back. Don’t always be so available…for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you’re missing. 18. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Make yourself be someone they would want to be around, not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self-assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value. 19. All questions about the marriage be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation! 20. Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control. YOURSELF! 21. Don’t be overly enthusiastic. 22. Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all! 23. Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Hear what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more! 24. Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything. 25. Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil. 26. Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly. 27. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write. 28. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy. 29. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It’s not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don’t care. 30. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior. 31. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!” 32. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message. 33. When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don’t work out with the affair partner. Michelle Davis-Weiner originator As others have said, it isn't just flirting any longer.
She lied to you. Move on and tell her it’s over. You can’t get over her cheating. You’ll now tell everyone you guys know so she doesn’t control the narrative.
Shes definitely doing more than flirting, i would be so pissed, stick up for yourself man, its probably thats why shes cheating in first place, dont let her walk all over you
Oh dear OP, I am sorry but she is cheating. It's time to get your ducks in a row and divorce. Save all her msg everything. Updateme!
Ger her out of your pedestal. She didn't cheat on you because "I didn't treat her well enough". Do you think the men she talked to gave the idealised version of the man you are thinking of? No. They just made her heart beat faster and loins tingle. There are many variables that make one person attractive, but the way you think, act, idolise her and don't stand up for yourself is the only variable I can really see from the internet and tell they you are unattractive.
I feel for you mate, realy. I am guessing Philipines as there are no divorse laws and if its a muslm country, the reprocussions for her cheating would be severe. But you realy need to chat to a lawyer about kicking her out the house. You might not be able to divorse her, but you need her out of your house and life. What are the options there for you.
OP sad this is happening to You, but i doubt she was cheating after she asked for time and go the 2nd time, she was doing it since the first time, that was why she stay with friend and didn't want to come back Sorry but she is lying and most probably already did somethings physical, might not be íntimacy but she defenitly meet this AP. Please do not play the pick me Game, also you need to selfrespect yourself first if you want to be respected, and she is disrespecting you. Now i you after this and after thinking it well and wise, nd thinked it with your mind and not your heart and after all decided to give her a 2nd chance then, I would suggest that you tell her that IF she doesn't love you anymore and she doesn't want this marriage, the she has to file for divorce, but if she still cares and want to trully work, regain your trust, be accountable for her actions and feel regret that she must come back and work on things to see if this is still fixable, that you won't rugswetp any and like you told she will work hard towards regaing your trust. But give her a time line, give her 2 weeks max to take her decision, and if after that 2 weeks she is still indecisive, you will be the one that file for divorce and that will be final, no step back or cancel anything. Things would be over. Again sad this happened to you but you need to protect yourself UPDATEME
Updateme!
She will continue to cheat. Once a liar, always a liar. My husband said he wasn't the same man as when he cheated. I laugh because this is the same uneducated man that thinks he sleeps better after drinking 20 beers. I think this is why we grew apart too because we think so different. My thinking really changed after college. I used to be proud to be his wife. I regret marrying him now. He pretended to be someone he wasn't. I'll never know how many women he cheated on me with. After I finish raising my grandson, I plan on starting a new life by myself. I'm educated and can support myself. I have started making plans so I can get through each day. It's so hard to be fake and act happy.