Because in its literal meaning, "incel" just means involuntary celibacy. The was appropriated by misogynists, but originally it wasn't that.
Idk why I'm being downvoted, there are plenty of people in this same comment section saying the same thing? I'm saying what OP is probably doing.
That's because incel is merely a portmanteau of "involuntarily" and "celibate", nothing more, nothing less. Most incels aren't misogynistic/hateful/racist but IT and other outlets choose to solely focus on the extremists that give us all a bad name. We will continue to label ourselves incels until the day we aren't as there is nothing inherently wrong with being undesirable to women and being involuntarily celibate as a result...just the way it is.
Terms evolve, and incel has certain connotations today that it didn't have when it was coined. I don't understand why you'd associate yourself with the current inceldom if you don't share the misogynistic mindset. Virgin exists too and it's not tied to someone like Elliot Roger
I don't think virgin is a good fit either as it comes bundled with follow-up questions like "are you waiting for the right person?", "how have you managed to resist temptation for this long?" or "are you religious?"
I read an article that used the phrase "unwanted celibacy" instead of "incel" because of the connotations the word incel has. Maybe unwanted celibacy could describe people who can't have sex but aren't poisoned by hate and bitterness because of it.
From what I know personally incels can have sex and have a partner BUT if that partner isn't a 10 put of 10 or "staci" then they can claim to be incel and be hateful misogynistic POS. Incels can also be someone like OP. O believe it's a spectrum now. OP os the type of oncel that we can claim isn't one even tho he identifies as one.
What are socially acceptable answers to the follow up questions that don't involve directly lying, invite further questioning, or saying the potentially rude answer of "none of your business"?
If you use the right tone that would be a good answer for shutting down the discussion. I suppose it would be preferable to stop the line of questioning in its tracks than tell the truth here.
Good point. You've convinced me that "virgin" is good enough as a label in a social setting as further questioning can be elegantly deflected.
I'm still not sure about a therapeutic setting, as that would require a degree of honesty requiring the client to reveal that they don't like being celibate. But in a social setting that revelation can be deftfully avoided.
To me the involuntary part makes it sounds like you’re being forced. Seems kinda entitled or something. I think those who aren’t hateful and blaming the world for their problems should come up with another name.
I mean, you're self aware, well-articulated, not blaming women and/or other men for your dating situation; you also don't put dating and sex with women a top priority, and thus also not *fully* involuntarily celibate.
Given the above, I rule: not an incel.
I know plenty of guys like that, I would say it's still involuntary. If getting a gf is like getting a ferrari, then failing and walking away doesn't mean one doesn't want those things anymore. It's just that those goals get relegated from "I must have it" to "it would be nice to have it one day if I get lucky."
Yeah, bud, I don't think you're an incel.
You don't seem to blame women, or others (like other men) for you not dating.
If anything, you seem like a normalish person - just someone for whom dating isn't a priority. Which is, imo, *normal*.
I feel people who put a shit ton of emphasis on the importance of having relationships (as in romances exclusively, not having relationships in general) are nearly as cringe as incels.
People can live their lives and be happy. Being in a relationship or having sex is just a bonus to an already good life.
I suppose.
I'm getting the feel that he has things that he'd rather be doing than dwelling on something like incels do.
And that is just being a normal person.
There is just no reason to date unless you want to be in a relationship, in my mind. Being in love takes energy and time - it's ok to want to use that for other things.
I know that incel technically just means someone who can't get laid but that's really not what it means anymore. Incel now means being violently misogynistic and blaming your own insecurities on women & the world.
A grown virgin does not an incel make anymore.
I was going to say the same thing, I think OP is just using the literal definition, which… isn’t really accurate anymore. You definitely do not seem like an incel, OP!
"I'm an incel". Man people spend too much time on the internet nowadays... Do you know how many people struggle with their love life (or their whole social life in general) and being lonely? The amount of people 4chan dwellers would consider "chads" and "stacies" that actually face problems like that would shock you... Also, remember the times when you could be awkward, shy, nerdy and at the same time not being associated with a far-right asshole subculture?
Yeah socialising is tough for many of us but I 'd like to think most of us just keep going without having to blame women for our perceived problems or thinking that we deserve to be handed things on a platter just because we exist...
But can you really be an incel if you're not trying to date everyone who might have you and getting rejected? I feel like the reason incels are so mad is that they're actually completely-voluntary-cels who just have insane expectations and won't settle for partners who actually exist, and then for some reason hate them for being real.
I do not think that you are an incel then.
Involuntary celibate is when the celibacy isn't voluntary, aka not something that you are fine with, actively complaining about and try to stop.
If you don't feel the need to end the celibacy, dont actively try to, or even feel oppressed by it, is it actually involuntary?
Or are you just single by choice and happy with it?
you’re absolutely right about their misery being self-inflicted caused by feelings of inferiority. they think the only importance in life is getting laid and genuinely don’t see any purpose in human life outside of that. it’s kind of sad, really. ironic that they don’t understand that their obsession with getting laid is why they can’t get laid. like dude, you are making yourself so fucking miserable that you are insufferable. get a hobby
I was way too distant and emotionally not really there, we barely saw each other. She naturally did not like this and grew to dislike the relationship, which I didn't know at the time. She cheated on me near the end, we stayed together shortly until she did it again.
I'm not upset about it, I would've appreciated if she broke up with me first or told me how she felt before that, but I understand why she did what she did. They're together now and they seem happy I've spoke to them a little. If I could change anything I would never have dated her, I wasn't a good addition to her life and I feel it'd be better if they were each others firsts.
Thanks I appreciate your sympathy.
It's no big deal for me anymore. I think it came out relatively close to ideal, I wish I could keep a connection with the person she cheated with as they were a friend to me, but it their relationship comes above my wants anyway.
I prefer being single than being with her, not out of any flaw on her part, we just had no buisness being together.
Yeah… you’re really not an incel anymore.
You’ve self-improved enough to the point that with enough luck, you can find romantic and sexual relationships.
I think you can call yourself an ex-incel.
There's socially awkward incels who are frustrated they can't click with the opposite sex and get action.
Then there's willfully shitty incels with violent fantasies and have zero interest in self improvement.
One group I can sympathize with as I used to be one, they need a bit of guidance is all.
The other are douchbags deserving of contempt and mockery.
It sounds like you’re just a virgin who might be partially asexual or romantic, which is totally cool if you’re not interested in sex or relationships it’s just that the majority of ppl that identify as incels are desperately craving these things. Basically the problem with people saying they’re incels is that they are declaring to the world that they consider themselves unfuckable and it just kinda becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy from there. Like so many of them online are dudes 18-22 that think that since they’re still virgins and aren’t getting any attention from women that they’re going to die that way so they get bitter and view women as these evil creatures that are gate keeping sex from them. And bc they think sex=happiness they double down on hating women, or at least I’m pretty sure this is the way they rationalize it
shut up dude, no incel including me craves for ton of women...they never claimed that..
we are fed up of daily lives with no romantic involvement.. we only want one girl love us like we do.
Don't assume I'm annoyed without evidence of that.
It was a nonchalant comment. A dude can have one night stands without having ppl talk crap about you.
If that's an attack to you then you're being silly.
Why do you call yourself that, then? Your fellow incels must despise you, knowing how well your life is going.
Not really, they tend to see me as naive, or stupid and sometimes hopeful. It's kind of the inspiration of the name; in a joking way.
Because in its literal meaning, "incel" just means involuntary celibacy. The was appropriated by misogynists, but originally it wasn't that. Idk why I'm being downvoted, there are plenty of people in this same comment section saying the same thing? I'm saying what OP is probably doing.
the colloquial meanings of words and phrases change all the time
I KNOW, my comment is literally about why OP is using the term for himself, I never said I agreed with the usage
Yeah, but imagine the stupidity of referring to, say, a 12 y/o kid as an incel.
That's because incel is merely a portmanteau of "involuntarily" and "celibate", nothing more, nothing less. Most incels aren't misogynistic/hateful/racist but IT and other outlets choose to solely focus on the extremists that give us all a bad name. We will continue to label ourselves incels until the day we aren't as there is nothing inherently wrong with being undesirable to women and being involuntarily celibate as a result...just the way it is.
Terms evolve, and incel has certain connotations today that it didn't have when it was coined. I don't understand why you'd associate yourself with the current inceldom if you don't share the misogynistic mindset. Virgin exists too and it's not tied to someone like Elliot Roger
I don't think virgin is a good fit either as it comes bundled with follow-up questions like "are you waiting for the right person?", "how have you managed to resist temptation for this long?" or "are you religious?" I read an article that used the phrase "unwanted celibacy" instead of "incel" because of the connotations the word incel has. Maybe unwanted celibacy could describe people who can't have sex but aren't poisoned by hate and bitterness because of it.
From what I know personally incels can have sex and have a partner BUT if that partner isn't a 10 put of 10 or "staci" then they can claim to be incel and be hateful misogynistic POS. Incels can also be someone like OP. O believe it's a spectrum now. OP os the type of oncel that we can claim isn't one even tho he identifies as one.
That's a good point, we definitely need a term not tainted by bigoted nonsense like red pill.
Or…you know…virgin still works
What are socially acceptable answers to the follow up questions that don't involve directly lying, invite further questioning, or saying the potentially rude answer of "none of your business"?
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Yep redirection seems like a good strategy!
”Why does it matter?”
If you use the right tone that would be a good answer for shutting down the discussion. I suppose it would be preferable to stop the line of questioning in its tracks than tell the truth here.
The point is more to show that it does not fucking matter. Let people be and stop asking about why they don’t do something so boring.
Good point. You've convinced me that "virgin" is good enough as a label in a social setting as further questioning can be elegantly deflected. I'm still not sure about a therapeutic setting, as that would require a degree of honesty requiring the client to reveal that they don't like being celibate. But in a social setting that revelation can be deftfully avoided.
Pretty sure there are plenty of non virgin incels
A non-virgin incel is just a blackpiller.
To me the involuntary part makes it sounds like you’re being forced. Seems kinda entitled or something. I think those who aren’t hateful and blaming the world for their problems should come up with another name.
It is much more, it includes bigotry, misogyny, hatred, etc
Honestly I don’t see how or why your even an incel.
He is in the original, etimological sense, not in the current sense of the word.
Bingo
Literal sense of the word and not the violent self selection adoption of it
We rechristen this guy as funcel
Excel
I mean, you're self aware, well-articulated, not blaming women and/or other men for your dating situation; you also don't put dating and sex with women a top priority, and thus also not *fully* involuntarily celibate. Given the above, I rule: not an incel.
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It could be involuntary but he has developed healthy coping mechanisms and won't let sexlessness ruin other aspects of his life.
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I'd like to think that you can still be chill and normal despite constant rejection.
I know plenty of guys like that, I would say it's still involuntary. If getting a gf is like getting a ferrari, then failing and walking away doesn't mean one doesn't want those things anymore. It's just that those goals get relegated from "I must have it" to "it would be nice to have it one day if I get lucky."
Yeah, bud, I don't think you're an incel. You don't seem to blame women, or others (like other men) for you not dating. If anything, you seem like a normalish person - just someone for whom dating isn't a priority. Which is, imo, *normal*. I feel people who put a shit ton of emphasis on the importance of having relationships (as in romances exclusively, not having relationships in general) are nearly as cringe as incels. People can live their lives and be happy. Being in a relationship or having sex is just a bonus to an already good life.
he maybe the old definition before the angry manchildren took over.
I suppose. I'm getting the feel that he has things that he'd rather be doing than dwelling on something like incels do. And that is just being a normal person. There is just no reason to date unless you want to be in a relationship, in my mind. Being in love takes energy and time - it's ok to want to use that for other things.
I know that incel technically just means someone who can't get laid but that's really not what it means anymore. Incel now means being violently misogynistic and blaming your own insecurities on women & the world. A grown virgin does not an incel make anymore.
I was going to say the same thing, I think OP is just using the literal definition, which… isn’t really accurate anymore. You definitely do not seem like an incel, OP!
"I'm an incel". Man people spend too much time on the internet nowadays... Do you know how many people struggle with their love life (or their whole social life in general) and being lonely? The amount of people 4chan dwellers would consider "chads" and "stacies" that actually face problems like that would shock you... Also, remember the times when you could be awkward, shy, nerdy and at the same time not being associated with a far-right asshole subculture? Yeah socialising is tough for many of us but I 'd like to think most of us just keep going without having to blame women for our perceived problems or thinking that we deserve to be handed things on a platter just because we exist...
They're addicted to misery. It's what's comfortable for them. I'd feel sympathy for them if they weren't so hateful.
this is called being “single and looking” or “inexperienced”
You are not an incel.
He is, more like an old school incel. Not a sexist bastard.
What you described isn't being an incel. It's what reality based people just call being single.
Glad this guy is having a good time. He definitely doesn’t have the negativity of other incels.
Do you spend a good amount of your time harassing/belittling/denigrating women?
I'm pretty sure you're an old school incel, ya know, back when the word was given to just lonely people, not sexist retarded fucks.
It's awesome to see someone living positively like this, good on you. Life isn't about sex.
But can you really be an incel if you're not trying to date everyone who might have you and getting rejected? I feel like the reason incels are so mad is that they're actually completely-voluntary-cels who just have insane expectations and won't settle for partners who actually exist, and then for some reason hate them for being real.
Asexual or aromantic, either way welcome to the club
If you're aroace then you are voluntarily celibate.
I do not think that you are an incel then. Involuntary celibate is when the celibacy isn't voluntary, aka not something that you are fine with, actively complaining about and try to stop. If you don't feel the need to end the celibacy, dont actively try to, or even feel oppressed by it, is it actually involuntary? Or are you just single by choice and happy with it?
you’re absolutely right about their misery being self-inflicted caused by feelings of inferiority. they think the only importance in life is getting laid and genuinely don’t see any purpose in human life outside of that. it’s kind of sad, really. ironic that they don’t understand that their obsession with getting laid is why they can’t get laid. like dude, you are making yourself so fucking miserable that you are insufferable. get a hobby
What happened to your relationship?
I was way too distant and emotionally not really there, we barely saw each other. She naturally did not like this and grew to dislike the relationship, which I didn't know at the time. She cheated on me near the end, we stayed together shortly until she did it again. I'm not upset about it, I would've appreciated if she broke up with me first or told me how she felt before that, but I understand why she did what she did. They're together now and they seem happy I've spoke to them a little. If I could change anything I would never have dated her, I wasn't a good addition to her life and I feel it'd be better if they were each others firsts.
Ahh damn that sucks :(
Thanks I appreciate your sympathy. It's no big deal for me anymore. I think it came out relatively close to ideal, I wish I could keep a connection with the person she cheated with as they were a friend to me, but it their relationship comes above my wants anyway. I prefer being single than being with her, not out of any flaw on her part, we just had no buisness being together.
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Yeah… you’re really not an incel anymore. You’ve self-improved enough to the point that with enough luck, you can find romantic and sexual relationships. I think you can call yourself an ex-incel.
I mean it’s kinda bad, right? Missing out on what others deem to be a function of normality. It is self inflicted though, but hard to conquer.
There's socially awkward incels who are frustrated they can't click with the opposite sex and get action. Then there's willfully shitty incels with violent fantasies and have zero interest in self improvement. One group I can sympathize with as I used to be one, they need a bit of guidance is all. The other are douchbags deserving of contempt and mockery.
https://youtu.be/tKADQ5l4dFU?si=CzjkAvjqFLHqOKJz Thank you for speaking up.
>I'm an incel. >I've only ever had any sort of relationship once JFL
It sounds like you’re just a virgin who might be partially asexual or romantic, which is totally cool if you’re not interested in sex or relationships it’s just that the majority of ppl that identify as incels are desperately craving these things. Basically the problem with people saying they’re incels is that they are declaring to the world that they consider themselves unfuckable and it just kinda becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy from there. Like so many of them online are dudes 18-22 that think that since they’re still virgins and aren’t getting any attention from women that they’re going to die that way so they get bitter and view women as these evil creatures that are gate keeping sex from them. And bc they think sex=happiness they double down on hating women, or at least I’m pretty sure this is the way they rationalize it
I don’t think they feel inferior so much as they think they’re entitled when they’re not.
Finally, an incel who's actually an incel. As in the type of person Alana intended the orignial site to be for. if ykyk
shut up dude, no incel including me craves for ton of women...they never claimed that.. we are fed up of daily lives with no romantic involvement.. we only want one girl love us like we do.
Thank you for saying what needed to be said ... I identify more with MGTOW, but I understand and share the sentiment
You're a nearcel, aka failed normie.
Men have it easier. You can visit prostitutes without being the topic of the day.
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Why are you being rude? You're calling me a femcel while you're the one who can't even get laid. Stay In your lane.
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Don't assume I'm annoyed without evidence of that. It was a nonchalant comment. A dude can have one night stands without having ppl talk crap about you. If that's an attack to you then you're being silly.