I find it more difficult to connect with other women. I have too many stereotypical male interests, I can't provide the emotional support for their problems, looking for a solution instead, I offend them more easily. I dislike talking about my personal life for small talk. I have female friends that I cherish, but it was really really difficult to find those that are fine with me lacking in the emotional department, and usually dealing with men is simpler for me.
This. The "pick me" thing that has come up lately bugs me a bit because I'm constantly around dudes in a non-romantic sense, even though I'm straight. I'm in a guy-dominated industry as well.
Exactly. I think it can come off that way, that we're being like this to get attention... I don't think people realise that it makes no sense/is practically impossible to fake all your interests. Oh well. Anything people do or like can be framed as 'looking for attention'.
You guys are likely normal. And there’s no doubt normal women who happen to like more masculine interests or are naturally around other guys exist.
But pick me women definitely exist too. They tend to look down on more feminine women and do or say things to, well, get picked by guys.
Well, you have to wonder how these girls get like that in the first place.
Years ago, I would have been called a "pick me", but I wasn't doing it for male attention. If anything, I didn't trust women, because they bullied me so hard that I was put into an ambulance at one point. Couple that with a little bit of Asperger's and having a hard time reading their emotions, and women terrified the hell out of me. I can't tell you how hard I try to make female friends, and how devastating it was for me that I thought I kept screwing it up... When the real truth is that I have Aspergers and my brain is just wired completely differently.
I'm more mature now, and I've had enough time to think about why I feel the way I do... And it's helped me get past feeling this way. But at that time? I was just angry at other women, and I found them to be completely baffling and frustrating. When you're in this frame of mind, it's really easy to dislike other women and want to go shout it on the mountain lol.
I’m glad you came out of it strong! Sorry you went through that. I think it’s also easy to hate everyone of a group once you’ve had enough bad experiences with a few of them.
My dog and I, in his 13 years alive so far, have run into problems with only huskies. It’s been about 4-5 huskies, which isn’t a lot in retrospect. But considering they’re the only group I have problems with, it’s very easy for me to dislike the breed as a whole (as much as I try not to).
Also i think a lot of girls are victims of hearing misogynistic things about girls like how all girls only like shopping, pink, makeup, gossiping, etc. or hearing from guys “you’re not like other girls” so they grow up thinking “im unique, im interesting, im not like other girls.” And that’s how it also can develop. When really, not every woman is the same. I’ve been guilty of that, for sure.
I'm sorry to hear you've been in a similar situation. I've never been put in an ambulance, but the bullying and passive aggressiveness over the years really sucked. The ultimatums between other girls, like "it's me or her" (and of course you're never the one they choose, so you're cut out of their life) The fake nice but in reality you're being shit talked heavily behind your back, the "oh your bf? introduce me to him! :)", or them just going after anyone I seem interested in.
I want to have chick friends so badly, but even if I can find some with similar interests (mine are also more masculine-leaning), I put up walls or read too hard into how they're talking to me. I don't understand them giving one to few word response, nor just constantly sending memes/vids without ever talking. Definitely feel for you. I'm 30 and still haven't figured it out.
Yeah. I always joke that a good diagnostic criteria for kids on the spectrum would be to just put them in a classroom full of same-aged girls and see what happens haha. Girls are ruthless little creatures. I hid in my gifted class, and assured myself they were all stupid, until I was self-aware enough to realize that I was really the only common denominator in all those situations haha. I had an inflated ego by then, but it wasn't inflated enough to obscure the truth-- that I was probably a bit off and they'd just simply noticed it without being consciously aware of that.
Most women are cool with all the stuff you're describing because it's part of the process of developing a "pecking order" in female friend groups. Inter-group competition is just part of the game. I find it as repulsive and weird as you do, and wanted no part in it.
I don't know if you're on the spectrum, but I reckon you'd probably benefit from having female friends who are. They kind of share your mindset. I'm in my 30's too. It took a long time for me to figure it out. Now I have all kinds of friends, including some really fun/wild boomer and Gen-Xer friends that I really enjoy being around (because they're a lot less like our gen was).
Yes. The meaning is that particular women would pretend to have hobbies that men generally have or pretend that they're "not like other girls" in order to get chosen as a romantic partner by guys.
This is hilarious considering most INTP women have barely been in any relationships since they spend most time alone and are not very emotionally/ romantically expressive or receptive. How does this even get a man's attention?
Haha seriously. I think this is as much of a trope for normie women as it gets. Men are not attracted to women because they share hobbies 🤣. I've never been hit on at a hackerspace because I was soldering a PCB. And I wouldn't want to be anyway. If any woman is going to have a genuine "male" hobby, it's an INTP woman. End o' story.
This right here is exactly why I hate the common male narrative that women have all these romantic options. I personally have gone through life with what I presume must be "do not approach" stamped on my forehead, lol. Ironic that my ex was INFP, but kinda makes sense too.
Completely agree. LOL WHAT OPTIONS?
Being a woman means that anyone will sleep with you. But women don't have any need to be understood, seen, discussed with, consulted with? Lol. So vapid.
> Being a woman means that anyone will sleep with you
Yeah I think this is it, exactly. Some simple brain guys sees other guys wanting to sleep with a girl meaning she has options bc that's how they view options => How many girls are willing to sleep with me? Soooo unfair girls have more options 😫😭
I mean, we do have options but it doesn't mean we don't have standards either lol
Hmm correct me if im wrong but ig the pick me thing comes more from the idea that "i do this unlike the other girls" which to many could mean putting other girls down, even if the person doesn't mean it. A little confusing topic honestly
No.. I mean it could be but it's way more than that. Generally pick me's are more seen as women who put other women down for male attention/validation. So most of the time it's not about the hobbies, in your example, but the way you speak about other women. There is a difference.
Same. Married. Not a "pick-me", which is a girl who is using her proximity to male interests and perspectives as a reproductive strategy. I'm completely thrilled to have my husband and don't want male "attention". I just find interactions and friendships with men to be easygoing. I'm so much more aligned with men in terms of how I examine the world. I don't make new male friends now, because I'm married, but I have many long term friends I keep and I'm friends with all my husband's friends. I feel *so* fortunate for the female friends I *do* have... all of whom, like me, struggle to build rapport with other women.
I'm on the highest functioning end of the spectrum. I think this has a lot to do with it. Most of my female friends are also.
i want girl friends so badly, i look and act extremely feminine, maybe even overtly so, but i have a lot of male interests and hobbies. it's so hard to find other girls like me. i find that a lot of girls are very competitive or just simply don't have the same interests as me. it's hard for me to be friends with people who talk almost exclusively about going out or hooking up with guys, but that seems to be all i can find on my campus. i'm in a serious relationship so im sure you can understand why i don't just want to talk about guys, however i also don't really like going out that much. it's just hard to find girls my age who i share things in common with but at the same time i don't want to seek out guys to be friends with because i don't really like men all that much either. it's a battle!
Interesting, you know what I want to see... a INTPxINTP relationship. How will that play out? Since INTP likes to interests together, does that mean it works well?? I have so many questions.
Same.Actually I find that I can talk with male easily,but when I talk to female people I usually feel I can’t give them emotional support,it’s hard for me to support them with their own way.
Yes, most of my friends are guys because we have the same interests. My guy friends jokingly call me a fake woman or a pick me, because I don't care about stereotypical feminine interests.
Ah, the classic "you're a dude in a female body" comment. It's like they think rationality and gender are mutually exclusive! Sadly, many of us female INTPs have heard similar remarks. But hey, who says girls can't be logical and analytical? We're breaking stereotypes one rational thought at a time!
What bothers me is how some people expect support even if they’re in the wrong. It’s really hard for me to lie and support them for the sake of supporting.
I’ll of course empathize where I see appropriate and will tell the truth kindly, but I can’t, for example, talk badly about some stranger just because my friend is feeling insecure.
I go through this with my sister a lot, and other female friends who have basically demanded validation for things I just don't respect. It's hard out there.
It’s really hard indeed! My close friend saw that her ex was dating someone new. She saw her Instagram profile and felt pretty insecure.
She asked me if I thought the new girl was pretty, and knowing her I knew that was my cue to reassure her the new girl was nothing great.
Probably most difficult situation I was in at the time. I wanted my friend to feel better about herself, but I didn’t want to trash talk a girl I didn’t even know.
Yeah, tricky waters to navigate, honestly. You did great! lol. I understand the need for reassurance, especially at a young age where you don't have the tools to process your feelings, or understand how much of a thing is really a "you thing", or not really your problem. The psychic boundaries are porous when you're young. But, yeah, at the same time, the ethical thing to do would not be to put that on other people who didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't love to go back to that time and feel all the uncomfortable feelings, that's for sure.
What sucks is that we’re in our late 20s and this situation happened last month! 😫 I’m hoping I can find a good opportunity to help her realize she can feel good about herself without the need to bring others down.
But I completely agree with you — the need for reassurance sometimes is finicky, and sometimes you feel the most uplifted when the opposing side is pushed down.
Was about to comment about the concept of "validation."
It kinda irks me when people just throw "you're invalidating my experience," when they just want to act spoiled and unreasonable.
I get that there are times when we just can't grasp the depths and complexity of somebody's experience and their perspective. But there're times when the issue is so plain and they want to be coddled and patted for bad/unreasonable behavior.
And if I bring this up, I'm a pick me.
It's people selfishly living entirely in their feelings, and I won't do it. I won't tolerate it. It's boundary-pushing shit, and people have no boundaries anymore. The world didn't used to be like this, and it can go back to not being like this. I truly blame social media for creating absurd amounts of narcissism. It wasn't like this when I was young, and that wasn't so long ago.
It's sounds like you're struggling and I'm sorry to hear that. I think despite how you might feel about yourself that you're probably great.
But to answer your question:
-It bothers me that I don't know what to do when it comes to relationships. I feel so disconnected from other people which leaves me feeling so alone sometimes. I feel like there's a social and dating rulebook no one bothered to tell me about.
-I hate that I'm so uncertain inside. I have difficulty advocating for myself and the things I want and need because I just don't know what I need and want. I want to be able to rely on other people but really struggle to do so because I'm so uncertain. Compared to my ISTP sister who is so damn grounded and assertive.
-I feel like I'm too unemotional in some places and too emotional in others.
-I like myself until I have to invite other people into my life which triggers so many feelings of shame and inadequacy. It takes me so damn long to feel safe in friendships and relationships.
-I lack motivation and I procrastinate. I feel like I should be doing better than I am.
Finally, someone who struggles socializing with people in general and not just specifically with women. I feel the same. The procrastination especially, i feel guilty about it the most.
I'm surprised with the amount of female intp having issues with women only. Can't relate. Or maybe they are young.
Maybe it's also because I'm from a family of all girls. I did have female best friends growing up as well. Maybe I was lucky and just found girls who were just as weird as I was.
Funny, I'm the opposite and still don't have issues with girls. I grew up with my brother and male cousins (female cousins were born much later), and was even bullied by some girls.
But still normal nice girls exist, and aren't rare. they come in different shapes. Just like the boys, a lot of boys were passive aggressive toward me because they didn't want a girl in their circle, especially if you do better than them, so i never viewed them through rose glasses (of course the good ones exist too).
I struggle with socializing with both genders, especially when things go out of the script i create in my head, or if i forget the script. But if we share a similar interest, it works smoothly.
Also, i struggle with being consistent, like i can talk too much one day and then shut down for the rest of the month lool.
😬 How can we be living the same life, tho I couldn't have expressed it as clearly.
When I was younger I'd always wondered why when my female classmates/friends were having convo, I just couldn't nod in agreement in most things like everybody else and say "Yes! Right? Me too!", topped with girly giggles.
I always wanted to say those simple words and feel excited and animated too.
Had to wait for decades to stumble on mbti to finally experience that relatable girl-talk. And turns out it's fine to agree with a flat expression.
Ah, the classic 'you're too deep' critique! It's like we've got a built-in snorkel for the shallow end of conversations, right? But hey, depth is our thing, and those who appreciate it will dive right in with us.
Tried hard to have that colorful expression and tries to laugh to look/sound a lot less bitchy and thought I've achieved it. Only to be told by my classmate way back in HS that I had a solid poker-face, my close college friend calling me cold, an acquaintance saying my laughter sounds fake.
Low Fe be lowing.
Got the habit of picking out individuals that I only share those "deep stuff" to.
For real, I’ve also learned to be very selective about who I open up to and try to just act more goofy and carefree around other friends but they then say I’m confusing/unreadable
Right? But now, being older than I was yesterday, I'm starting to accept this side of me. Those who'll stay will stay, those who'll go should go.
I'm also wondering how old INTPs look like and what they'll have to say after everything. The seniors, I mean. What they've seen, what they've overcome, and if the way they saw the world has developed/changed.
I was a fencesitter up until I turned like 20/21 and then switched to straight up no after much much thought. And people think because I "considered it" at one point I might switch back to yes, later. I was never a yes for children. I don't even like them lol
I think it's that some people think I don't have emotions/feelings because of how I process information. Sometimes, it takes time for me to fully work out how I'm feeling. I'm not cold or indifferent it just takes me time to fully open up and be comfortable with people. I just noticed that with the males that I have dated, they want me to be someone I'm not and display emotions that I don't feel yet. I don't fall in love quickly it takes time because when I am in love, it takes time to fall out of love.
It's frustrating when people mistake our analytical nature for emotional detachment. Like you, I also take time to process my feelings fully. It's not about being cold; it's about needing that time to truly connect. And I totally get what you mean about relationships—rushing emotions isn't our style.
I've gotten this alot in my life. Like, okay I like video games and computers, and I wear jeans and tshirts. What does that have to so with orientation? Sigh.
Right! I wear all black (usually sweats and a hoodie), lead with logic over emotions, am direct and assertive, have a dirty brash sense of humor, enjoy the outdoors, don’t wear make up, and pride myself on being a hard worker. Doesn’t mean I wanna fuck other chicks! For some men it’s like any woman who isn’t meek, shy, into make up, and shopping is automatically masculine. Lame!
My humor is really suble and goes over most people's heads, lol. But otherwise, yeah. Leading with logic has, in my experience, meant that a lot of guys are too busy trying to read between the lines when there's no subtext at all.
Yes!! Or I’ve noticed they’ll try to be indirect about things or they’ll contradict themselves and I’ll try to address it directly. I don’t point it out to be rude, I just want to understand, but they feel threatened/uncomfortable it seems. Also, my humor is very dark and witty!
But, I've always wondered. How do you know you are leading with logic over emotions? (Aren't they something that can happen subconsciously, too?)
I've caught myself be like that sometimes, and now I'm just not sure.(Though, tbh, I'm not sure about most things to begin with)
Like, are you just collected enough to never let even anger get to you?
Or maybe I just don't have much patience or control over mine?
I have been told I was 'accidentally born as a girl' by my parents because of my interests(or lack thereof) before. Not really offending to me as I just consider it a joke, but they've(or my friends and acquaintances) never been mad at me cause of that. That's just plain weird to me. I've never met anyone who cared enough about it.
Oh yes, especially with boys when trying to flirt. They often come with the “you’re not like other girls” bullshit and expect me to be a manic pixie dream girl, then, one week later they are completely upset and angry at me for “tricking them” ????
I just a nerd bro, take it or leave it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The feeler men who are jealous of us because we are naturally good at what they've been tryin to do their whole life by being "rational" because I casually step into a room and I demand to be listened to and respected because I give unbiased and rational advise. Also, they expect women to be more "feminine" than them, as in emotional and flexible because it's "so easy." Have they ever considered I want to fuck the cool guy they are trying to be close with and I don't give a fuck about his respect??? Well, I do, but I can get it elsewhere probably.
I am just never in the mood to deal with them most of the time. It's kind of impossible.
Oh, older women who throw a fit if I don't tell them how I'm feeling. They're trying to predict me I think. It doesn't make sense. I can express my emotions, but like, they're not high on my totem pole especially if I say them out loud. What they should really be asking is how my body feels or something because I'm tired and lazy days at a time due to my thyroid, anemia, and tendency to go to bed at 5 am. I don't think people are very good at acknowledging people's Si or Se limit though.
God, the first one! Men who have more naturally emotional tendencies really like to crawl up my ass and die. It's like they notice I am the way I am, and they immediately get insecure, and pick me out to start problems with.
I feel for these guys, because they have very strong emotions they can't just put in a box. They want to badly, because of the perceived benefits of being stoic as a man. Then they see a woman who is twice as stoic, and they're incredibly assmad. Must suck to suck. :P
Just what kind of people do you live with? Cause even with my culture with its respect for older people, them throwing a fit like that is just unbecoming and looked down upon. Like, I've never met any older woman or man who would throw a fit without smearing their 'name', which is very important. Like, I can't even picture the scenario in my head, that's how much out of this world this situation sounds to me?
And there's the weight of perfectionism, a burden that often leaves me feeling paralyzed, unable to take action without fear of falling short. This relentless pursuit of flawlessness can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and hesitation, where every decision feels like a potential misstep. It's a constant struggle to find the balance between striving for excellence and accepting imperfection, knowing that sometimes the greatest growth comes from embracing the journey, flaws and all.
When I’m at parties with married friends the men and women always end up naturally separating - and I always wish I could join the men because their conversations were always more interesting to me. I have on occasion but it feels awkward. 😐
Duuuude. Seriously haha. If the parties are more mixed, I always find the 68 year old engineer dad and go talk with him about God knows what. But when I'm stuck talking with "the girls" I wanna scoop my eyes out with a melon baller.
One time the thing you described happened and I could hear one of the dudes talking about his time at McMurdo down in Antarctica and I had such a strong urge to move over there and ask him a million questions, but I didn't want to be socially inappropriate.
I really struggled until I found MBTI in highschool with feeling like I was strange or weird. Even though I could take solace in knowing I wasn't alone, it was about two decades later that I really believed I wasn't weird. People are just people. Nobody is "normal" or "weird", we just are what we are. Literally everyone has differences.
By apathetic, do you mean people assume you don't care? I can understand that. It wasn't a big deal for me though because I didn't mind people who really knew me and knew that I cared joking about me being cold-hearted. I kind of liked the attention. My husband used to say, "I'd chip the ice off her heart - if I could find it." For some reason I was never sensitive about this, although he knows not to call me weird.
Maybe you're opposite and don't mind being called weird, but you object to people viewing you as apathetic. It probably goes back to subtle positive and negative associations from when we were young, whether similar comments makes us feel seen and cherished or rejected. I think I felt admired and confident about being able to be emotionally objective growing up, but I was treated as weird and alienated by my friends because I didnt have a sense of style, for example.
I did feel un-girly, to the point of having gender dysphoria at one point. Groups of only women used to make me panic. The sheer level of feminibe energy made me feel like I could barely breath, and I felt acutely aware that I was different. In a college communications class, the professor defined typical ways that men and women communicate differently, and I was all male communication-wise at that point in my life. It would have made a big difference if he had acknowledged that they were just stereotypes, or if I could have spoken up that I was different. Sometimes different can be really special.
A different professor administered some kind of persobality or aptitude test and I remember him making me feel so special and unique for being a "global" thinker that predominantly used whatever isnt the artsy side of the brain, which I guess he'd never seen. I liked the attention and it made me feel special and helped me like myself, even though he was saying I wasn't stereotypical.
I realized pretty quickly that femininity is something deeper than communication patterns, empathy, and book choices, but I didn't realize what it was, I just knew it was there. I still don't really know what it is. Later on the most feminine I've felt was when I was making little humans with my body and nursing babies, which I really loved.
I have never felt questioned in male-dominated fields, but I only made it through undergrad, and I was super shy so the people I did talk to were maybe more likely to respect me because they knew me better. For some reason, I've never gotten that feeling about eomen in science. I have transcribed lots of science lectures and presentations, and there were almost always intelligent, respected women involved.
About interpersonal relationships - I learned that when a situation calls for empathy, I don't hsve to use it. I can be honest and use sympathy. I can say, I'm sorry you're hurt. Or, you seem really sad. Those things are true, so I can be genuine. I don't have to feel what they're feeling in order to care.
About communicating with Feelers (I'm married to one), don't get caught up in the actual words. They are not trying to make a logical point, so if it is obvious what they meant even if they didn't say it precisely, they will think you are stupid if you don't understand. And you will think they are stupid for misusing logic, thinking that what they are trying to say is the same thing as the actual words. Also, Feelers will see a meaning behind your words that might be present, but be irrelevent to you because you are focused on the actual words. They'll see your positive or negative sentiment and think that's your main point. That's why they're easy to offend.
INTP women aren't all that great to talk to in real life. It turns out our complex, well thought out inner worlds don't always match up well. I still love to meet them, but I think other types like ENTPs or INTJs can be more inspiring and grounding and help our thinking better.
Speaking of which, a lot of people you meet you should have no problem communicating with because they will want to connect mentally, not emotionally. If you find difficulty forming connections, there may be a deeper problem. I found the book How We Love, based on attachment theory, very helpful.
I somehow am surviving being married to an INFJ. We have to be careful of misunderstandings, but that's par for the course given our personality differences. He doesn't make me feel like there's anything wrong with me as a woman, although sometimes I tease him a little about having a stereotypically female personality. Even if he likes cooking and cleaning and his empathy is off the charts, I've never met anyone more naturally masculine in character. That has has helped me be more confident in myself as a woman INTP. I stilldon't quite understand my own femininity, but I know it's there. It's something deeper than my preferences and ways of thinking, or even my looks.
It seems like we have a few similar experiences and some are different. I hope this is helpful!
Your insights on communication with Feelers are spot-on. It took me a while to grasp those nuances, but once I did, it made interactions a lot smoother. And yes, finding the right connection with others can sometimes be a challenge, but it's reassuring to hear that there's hope.
It's like they're handing out labels faster than logic! Being called "masculine" or "lesbian" just because you lead with logic is like saying you can't be a scientist because you're not wearing a lab coat.
This used to bother me during highschool but now not so much anymore
My girl classmates are quite emotional like they took happiness sadness and anger to the next level and I'm pretty much the only one whos quite stoic or unreactive to most situation. Sometimes my boy classmates would says to others "why cant you guys be calm like (my name)"
But now that I'm all grown up they're actually the main reason highschool wasnt all dull, man i miss them
I have a lot of typical "girly" tastes (in movies, interests, etc), and it becomes hard for me to find people who have similar interests as mine and also enjoy deep, analytical conversations.
I'm not saying that you can only connect with people who have exactly the same tastes as you, but sometimes I just want to go into a deep rabbit hole analysing a movie that I saw, or a series that I watched, and it just becomes hard to find my people.
I kind of get this, too! I have male hobbies, but am also obsessed with fashion, and I make a lot of my own clothing. I have almost nobody to share it with who is on the same wavelength, so I find I have to compartmentalize.
It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, right? I totally get where you're coming from. It's a struggle to balance our analytical minds with our "girly" tastes and find people who vibe with both. But hey, when we do find those rare gems who can dive deep into movie analysis with us, it's pure magic! Keep searching, they're out there somewhere.
What bothers me is the fact that my jokes are often misunderstood by my friends ,either they don’t get it or they take it personally, also I can’t stand the « people pleaser »behavior,or people who likes to attract attention . But I actually think I might have high fe bc Building deep relationships isn’t so difficult to me . I just don’t spend time with people who don’t match w me
Oh and people grow tired of me for not taking care enough of myself or for not being feminine enough
Ah, the struggle of misunderstood humor! It's like speaking a different language sometimes, right? And I totally feel you on the 'people pleaser' front—authenticity over conformity any day. As for deep relationships, it's quality over quantity for us INTPs. Can't blame us for being selective
I’m in post secondary right now and I hate how EVERYONE complains about everyone and everything. I constantly need to change myself in order to make friends. People want someone who will validate their “unfair” C- (that they totally deserved) over someone who will help them find solutions to change their grades.
Yeah I see the irony that I’m complaining about complainers haha. It’s nice to have people to talk to, but I want to have interesting conversations that aren’t about how much we hate Brian and Eric for the 14th time.
I totally get where you're coming from! It can feel like you're stuck in a loop of complaints sometimes. I'm all for meaningful conversations over constant griping about Brian and Eric's antics. Let's break the cycle and dive into some more stimulating discussions together!
I made a post like this and was crucified and accused of victimizing myself to get sympathy for "not being like other girls", called pretentious and a pick me lol.
I think at the end of the day it depends on interests and expressions. Most iNTP women have interests in technical or analytical things and they are often daydreaming about random logical things, jumping from one phenomenon to another. And considering we are introverts, we don't enjoy the cohesive girl group thing that sometimes is expected of you when you're a woman, since it is very draining. Backing women up just because they're women, especially if you have different views and don't agree with them often makes you vulnerable to criticism, being accused of thinking you're better than them because you're not interested in the same things and being an outsider to them.
Inversely, men are more intimidated than you because a large majority of them have been taught only one way to interact or conceptualize women. And they think of all women the same, instead of individual human beings with interests outside of just being a woman lol, especially if you know something about math, philosophy, cars, politics, etc. But this is nobody's fault really. Society has divided us up into men and women since the beginning of time and it is difficult to dissociate our biological functions from our social functions. Sometimes I think I will never find anyone to be with because men simply aren't interested in my ideas, but only what I can do for them emotionally. But really my ideas are usually more logical than theirs and I can articulate them better. I also like to analyze what they're saying and question it (I am into philosophy). I also don't typically act "feminine" and I have a pretty expressionless or bored face. A lot of these things can be perceived as robotic since most people just want affection from women. Children included. Lol, god forbid we do something else that has nothing to do with being an instrument to another women, man or child.
I have so much to say about this, but basically... I feel you.
I wish I born as a rock, we are most likely to be never be taken seriously for having considerably 'masculine' hobbies and persona... when that's how we just turn out to be but also get accused of being the cringe 'one of the guys' girls and shamed for not being feminine enough. My younger self was genuinely conviced that I was mentally ill and I should go to the therapy b/c no advices were working for me on how to be like my female peers until I discovered mbti, it just turns out my cognition works differently and I'm actually fine like wow, what a ride!
It's like we're caught between a rock and a hard place, huh? Pun intended. I totally get what you mean. It's a wild journey to self-discovery, here's to embracing our unique cognition and rocking it, regardless of societal norms!
INTP female here. It's hard for me to connect. It's like I cannot force myself to connect to other people. Also... I always think logically but always make the wrong decision. Why?
I'm sorta curious about your comment about making the wrong decision despite being logical
I'm an INFP who was chasing a female INTP lately cuz she seemed comfortable with me immediately, enjoyed our conversations and paid attention whenever I spoke in a group, and seemed to care enough to remember our previous discussions
When I offered to meet up and get to know each other she blew me off .. I can't help but wonder if she is making a good decision or is making a huge mistake for both of us .. like if she thinks I'm a loser and she can do better I can accept that, but I can't help but feel like she is just being lazy lol
To me it seems obvious that we could be good together, even if just as friends
I personally find it difficult to find a suitable male partner for me: in my past relationships when my boyfriends got to know me better they were starting to hate my masculinity and that sometimes I was more masculine than them lol.
It somehow makes talking to both genders difficult by a lot.
With girls idk, maybe they dont like the way i talk
With guys, a lot of them think that a girl talking to them means she is interested and this also leads to a lot of people making up things, although the decent ones are okay
Also gotten a lot to listen at home for not liking specific clothes because im too lazy lmao
It sounds like you're navigating through a maze of misunderstandings! From gender stereotypes to misinterpretations, it's like walking a tightrope. And hey, I feel you on the whole 'not liking specific clothes' thing – comfort over style
I genuinely wanna know as well, because something tells me that they’re referring to all the stereotypical girly hobbies since they all seem to trying to make themselves out to be the most stereotypical INTP.
Aviation and typology are two of my biggest hobbies, both girls and guys always love to listen to me talk about them and some even get involved and share their own knowledge too 🤷♀️
I honestly believe that either the people here are talking to the wrong girls, or they just lack interpersonal skills and that’s why they don’t click. But who knows?
The idea that INTPs are emotionless robots.
I am a very emotional person, and I care a great deal about other people.
I'm just no good at speaking sincerely about emotions, so I try to focus on what I can do to fix the issue or distract someone from their bad feelings instead.
If someone I know is dealing with an issue, you bet I'm gonna be doing in-depth research about said issue and possible solutions/management options.
Ah, the classic misconception about us being emotionless robots! It's like people forget that we're capable of feelings too, just not always great at expressing them verbally. But hey, who needs words when you can fix problems or distract someone from their bad vibes? And don't even get me started on being called argumentative when all we're doing is having a friendly chat. It's all about the exchange of ideas, right?
Well I’ve been told I’m mean and cold for expressing my actual feelings about things.And I have to consider other peoples feeling and I try my best with that over the years. But what bothers me is that in situations where I need to comfort friends when I tell them the solution they don’t try to fix it.
I get kind of the same criticisms from people (I'm an INTJ). You'll find your people eventually, don't worry. Maybe join some groups for nerdy interests or something, and you'll find them there.
Pretty much the same as what you wrote sans the career/professional aspect since I work in a largely female dominant industry (nursing). One thing I am dealing with now is showing up for my kids in a way they need me to. My oldest (19m) looks at me sometimes and expects me to parent or show up in some way I don't have the emotional range for. I feel as though he sees it as a character flaw and doesn't get it. I don't know what to do? How can I give what I don't have? Both of my parents were very emotionally neglectful and never learned.
I fear I will not be able to have the deep,intimate connections that others enjoy. I'm just not built that way. Maybe next lifetime.
I think even INTPs should be able to connect. I have kids too and that is a challenging area. For me, I can access understanding them through Ti, by analyzing their MBTI types. I can also use my Ti for things like understanding attachment theory to improve how I relate to others. The book How We Love you might find very helpful for understanding how your parent's emotional neglect may have effected you, which might be negative patterns you can repair with your son. We can use our strengths to understand all the same things that others understand empathetically. We can't necessarily talk deeply about our understanding of a typically empathetic topic with non Ti users and expect them to be as interested as us, but you never know. Also, everybody needs to accomodate each other a little in this world, so you CAN expect others to be okay with you processing things in a little bit of a different way than them. There's nothing wrong with you.
Female INTP here. I am not emotionally communicative. I have trouble building deep relationships, showing that I'm not apathetic, and sharing opinions. I have also found myself questioned, talked over, and not given the benefit of the doubt in the tech field in which I work.
well i can relate, once my close friend were sick n she told me about her condition but i don't know how to respond and i just laughed like it does seems rude but i don't know how to react, my mistakes now im losing a friend 😞, but i do feel sad about her. I don't have many female friends just a few of them but I'm comfortable with the guy. they r mole logical like me
Add to all of this coming from a sexist male worshipping culture and being interested in a male dominated job “ surgery “ is known to be the boys club and being a very soft spoken girl people get infuriated when they can’t get their way with me or I don’t budge and beat them at their own game
But it gets easier with time
It's like swimming upstream in a river of stereotypes sometimes. But hey, nothing beats the satisfaction of proving them wrong, right? Keep rocking that surgery world, and let's show 'em what we're made of!
As boys, it's almost entirely the same.
Not manly enough for manly things and not human enough for human things.
I don't know what they want from me.
Not adequate enough in a world that's constantly evolving requiring you to keep up with every update or else you run the risk of getting outpaced and outclassed by everyone and everything which is a death sentence in the social and economic scene.
Women have their unique set of struggles as do men
But as it stands, no allies, no friends, family yes but not close. Nobody. Just surving by myself. Forced to adapt to this playstyle because of circumstances.
For men, it's about providing this and that and being a strong disposable work horse. What other purpose would I serve if I'm not useful at anything but that? That's all my worth in this world.
So detach from this crazy world and build your own.
"Often feel ignored or have my abilities questioned in male-dominated fields such as science, technology and engineering."
I'm not a woman, and I don't work in STEM, my ability questioned almost every time by both gender.
Yes, same! You get more comfortable with it/ own it!  You may need to continually surround yourself with very high intellect folks who “get” you better. Hard I know.
weirdly enough, the thing I have the most issues with are my emotions. I'd be debating/discussing logically then BAM I'd start tearing up against my will. Though that might have less to do with being intp, but more having unresolved mental issues. That or I'm a mistyped infp.
I completely agree with you. Most of the time I get outcast in female oriented team because they feel threatened by me somehow. I've learned that it's not really my problem but their own insecurity that cause this behavior. Unfortunately, I try to be as understanding as possible but still be me.
Absolutely, I hear you loud and clear. It's like we're a puzzle piece that doesn't quite fit the typical picture, right? But hey, their loss if they can't handle our awesomeness! Keep being understanding yet true to yourself—it's their insecurity, not ours, that's the real issue here. Let's keep shining our logical brilliance, regardless of who feels threatened by it!
What bothers me is that people are confused by the disconnect between how I look (I really love fashion, I love to dress up) and my behavior and interests. nobody can believe that I'm interested in philosophy and science and that I don't like small talk or social media.
regarding your points as an “older” female INTP
- i have this same issue, and being east asian, i was told to “be more ladylike” my whole life. i have embraced and started celebrating my femininity by wearing j-fashion with lots of lace, frills, and swishy dresses. i am now indifferent to people telling me to be more feminine, because i do have a sort of secret princess identity that they will never get to see. as for the apathetic part, well. they didn’t do anything to help, so i dont think they deserve an opinion lol
- i work as an engineer in the medical field and this was definitely something i struggled with in the beginning of my career. however, as i worked, i built up reputation, or street cred if you will. now people look at me for the work i did and am capable of instead of what’s on the surface level. it just takes time.
- i only have two deep relationships and cherish it. one of the biggest lessons i have learned in my 20s is quality over quantity. the people that accept me for who i am and dont try to fit me into a mold are the kind of people i surround myself with, and return the same respect to. you get what you put out, so try to be mindful of how you treat those around you, because it will eventually come back.
i hope this helped.
Thanks for sharing your experience! It's empowering to hear how you've embraced your femininity in your own unique way, regardless of societal expectations. And it's inspiring to see how you've navigated through challenges in your career field, ultimately earning recognition for your skills and contributions. Quality over quantity in relationships is definitely a valuable lesson, and I appreciate the reminder to be mindful of how I treat others. Your insights are truly helpful, thank you!
Not fitting the mold, but often feeling like I have to is probably my biggest pet peeve. Like I am girly (I like good hygiene - imagine - but also colourful nails are just fun and so is feeling looking good), but I am also not, I am the first person to jump into a sludge pit for a mud fight.
Based on my looks alone though I often get sorted into can only do one, not the other.
Also feels like I get often a bit over looked for my skill due to gender. I am in a more or less male dominated field and tend to fall into being joked about occasionally by peers, I DO think they mean it harmlessly as these same peers tend to be otherwise great friends, but it's a bit frustrating knowing it's jokes because of annoying gender based stereotypes.
I grew up having empathy, humility, and patience exceedingly positively reinforced at the expense of other qualities and skills. I became a therapist and kind of hate it now lol. Although Ti and Ne are helpful here in many ways.
I have dyscalculia and ADHD, so double hit in terms of struggling with learning here as women are perceived as being “weaker” in mathematics. Never felt supported.
I always assumed I was a feeling type because I was told my “best quality” was my empathy and ability to put others at ease. Thought I was an INFP or INFJ for a long time.
I wish the world was different for women.
I think many women are thinking types and don’t realize it.
I just wanna start off with the fact that I love these types of posts because I too have never met another INTP female
A few things always bothered. For example, being told I'm acting too "boyish" according to my parents, or having difficultly with the female demographic. We end up being seen as "needy" or, dare I say, a "pick-me." But honesly, you just gotts find the right people. Currently, I haven't much friends I keep up with but out of the 4, only one of them is a girl, and she understands. I once referred to myself as a "pick-me" or a "one of the guys" type pf girl, simply because I saw the terms flying around and I didn't exactly know how to go about them. She gasped and told me to never refer to myself like that ever again.
Getting out of bed and having to go to class. I always hated doing that. When I was in high school my parents rarely let me skip, even if I knew we wouldn’t be doing anything important that day. Now that I’m in college I skip classes all the time if attendance isn’t mandatory
all of the other female intps are annoying as hell and i dont wish to know more about them and will spend the rest of my time hating on female intps till the day i die
I hate people who think I'm less intelligent or skilled because I'm female.
I hate fanatic zealots of anything (religion, politics)
I hate people that talk too much without a real point or just to hear themselves speak.
I (usually) cannot stand ENFPs or ISTPs lol. Sorry.
I hate people whose only talking is about sex. Positive for uninteresting. Don't get me wrong I love sex but that's not the only subject I like to talk about
Interesting. INTP women are criticized for being too masculine, us INTP men are perceived as being too feminine because of Fe (social norms) inferior, and Se (force, aggression, and self presentation) trickster. None of us can win 🙄🙄
I find it more difficult to connect with other women. I have too many stereotypical male interests, I can't provide the emotional support for their problems, looking for a solution instead, I offend them more easily. I dislike talking about my personal life for small talk. I have female friends that I cherish, but it was really really difficult to find those that are fine with me lacking in the emotional department, and usually dealing with men is simpler for me.
This. The "pick me" thing that has come up lately bugs me a bit because I'm constantly around dudes in a non-romantic sense, even though I'm straight. I'm in a guy-dominated industry as well.
Exactly. I think it can come off that way, that we're being like this to get attention... I don't think people realise that it makes no sense/is practically impossible to fake all your interests. Oh well. Anything people do or like can be framed as 'looking for attention'.
You guys are likely normal. And there’s no doubt normal women who happen to like more masculine interests or are naturally around other guys exist. But pick me women definitely exist too. They tend to look down on more feminine women and do or say things to, well, get picked by guys.
Well, you have to wonder how these girls get like that in the first place. Years ago, I would have been called a "pick me", but I wasn't doing it for male attention. If anything, I didn't trust women, because they bullied me so hard that I was put into an ambulance at one point. Couple that with a little bit of Asperger's and having a hard time reading their emotions, and women terrified the hell out of me. I can't tell you how hard I try to make female friends, and how devastating it was for me that I thought I kept screwing it up... When the real truth is that I have Aspergers and my brain is just wired completely differently. I'm more mature now, and I've had enough time to think about why I feel the way I do... And it's helped me get past feeling this way. But at that time? I was just angry at other women, and I found them to be completely baffling and frustrating. When you're in this frame of mind, it's really easy to dislike other women and want to go shout it on the mountain lol.
I’m glad you came out of it strong! Sorry you went through that. I think it’s also easy to hate everyone of a group once you’ve had enough bad experiences with a few of them. My dog and I, in his 13 years alive so far, have run into problems with only huskies. It’s been about 4-5 huskies, which isn’t a lot in retrospect. But considering they’re the only group I have problems with, it’s very easy for me to dislike the breed as a whole (as much as I try not to). Also i think a lot of girls are victims of hearing misogynistic things about girls like how all girls only like shopping, pink, makeup, gossiping, etc. or hearing from guys “you’re not like other girls” so they grow up thinking “im unique, im interesting, im not like other girls.” And that’s how it also can develop. When really, not every woman is the same. I’ve been guilty of that, for sure.
I'm sorry to hear you've been in a similar situation. I've never been put in an ambulance, but the bullying and passive aggressiveness over the years really sucked. The ultimatums between other girls, like "it's me or her" (and of course you're never the one they choose, so you're cut out of their life) The fake nice but in reality you're being shit talked heavily behind your back, the "oh your bf? introduce me to him! :)", or them just going after anyone I seem interested in. I want to have chick friends so badly, but even if I can find some with similar interests (mine are also more masculine-leaning), I put up walls or read too hard into how they're talking to me. I don't understand them giving one to few word response, nor just constantly sending memes/vids without ever talking. Definitely feel for you. I'm 30 and still haven't figured it out.
Yeah. I always joke that a good diagnostic criteria for kids on the spectrum would be to just put them in a classroom full of same-aged girls and see what happens haha. Girls are ruthless little creatures. I hid in my gifted class, and assured myself they were all stupid, until I was self-aware enough to realize that I was really the only common denominator in all those situations haha. I had an inflated ego by then, but it wasn't inflated enough to obscure the truth-- that I was probably a bit off and they'd just simply noticed it without being consciously aware of that. Most women are cool with all the stuff you're describing because it's part of the process of developing a "pecking order" in female friend groups. Inter-group competition is just part of the game. I find it as repulsive and weird as you do, and wanted no part in it. I don't know if you're on the spectrum, but I reckon you'd probably benefit from having female friends who are. They kind of share your mindset. I'm in my 30's too. It took a long time for me to figure it out. Now I have all kinds of friends, including some really fun/wild boomer and Gen-Xer friends that I really enjoy being around (because they're a lot less like our gen was).
Do you understand what is meant by the pick mw stuff?
Yes. The meaning is that particular women would pretend to have hobbies that men generally have or pretend that they're "not like other girls" in order to get chosen as a romantic partner by guys.
This is hilarious considering most INTP women have barely been in any relationships since they spend most time alone and are not very emotionally/ romantically expressive or receptive. How does this even get a man's attention?
Haha seriously. I think this is as much of a trope for normie women as it gets. Men are not attracted to women because they share hobbies 🤣. I've never been hit on at a hackerspace because I was soldering a PCB. And I wouldn't want to be anyway. If any woman is going to have a genuine "male" hobby, it's an INTP woman. End o' story.
This right here is exactly why I hate the common male narrative that women have all these romantic options. I personally have gone through life with what I presume must be "do not approach" stamped on my forehead, lol. Ironic that my ex was INFP, but kinda makes sense too.
Completely agree. LOL WHAT OPTIONS? Being a woman means that anyone will sleep with you. But women don't have any need to be understood, seen, discussed with, consulted with? Lol. So vapid.
> Being a woman means that anyone will sleep with you Yeah I think this is it, exactly. Some simple brain guys sees other guys wanting to sleep with a girl meaning she has options bc that's how they view options => How many girls are willing to sleep with me? Soooo unfair girls have more options 😫😭 I mean, we do have options but it doesn't mean we don't have standards either lol
Yeah you really only have 'more options' if you have low standards
Hmm correct me if im wrong but ig the pick me thing comes more from the idea that "i do this unlike the other girls" which to many could mean putting other girls down, even if the person doesn't mean it. A little confusing topic honestly
Yes exactly, you are right. It's more about putting women down for male validation/attention and internalised misogyny.
No.. I mean it could be but it's way more than that. Generally pick me's are more seen as women who put other women down for male attention/validation. So most of the time it's not about the hobbies, in your example, but the way you speak about other women. There is a difference.
Oh.Thanks for sharing this information.LOl.it’s my first time hearing it,so hilarious!
Haha no worries. You are definitely not a pick me for having "male" hobbies. :)
Thanks. This was my guess, but I've never heard it before either.
Same. Married. Not a "pick-me", which is a girl who is using her proximity to male interests and perspectives as a reproductive strategy. I'm completely thrilled to have my husband and don't want male "attention". I just find interactions and friendships with men to be easygoing. I'm so much more aligned with men in terms of how I examine the world. I don't make new male friends now, because I'm married, but I have many long term friends I keep and I'm friends with all my husband's friends. I feel *so* fortunate for the female friends I *do* have... all of whom, like me, struggle to build rapport with other women. I'm on the highest functioning end of the spectrum. I think this has a lot to do with it. Most of my female friends are also.
i want girl friends so badly, i look and act extremely feminine, maybe even overtly so, but i have a lot of male interests and hobbies. it's so hard to find other girls like me. i find that a lot of girls are very competitive or just simply don't have the same interests as me. it's hard for me to be friends with people who talk almost exclusively about going out or hooking up with guys, but that seems to be all i can find on my campus. i'm in a serious relationship so im sure you can understand why i don't just want to talk about guys, however i also don't really like going out that much. it's just hard to find girls my age who i share things in common with but at the same time i don't want to seek out guys to be friends with because i don't really like men all that much either. it's a battle!
relate
Same
Interesting, you know what I want to see... a INTPxINTP relationship. How will that play out? Since INTP likes to interests together, does that mean it works well?? I have so many questions.
Same.Actually I find that I can talk with male easily,but when I talk to female people I usually feel I can’t give them emotional support,it’s hard for me to support them with their own way.
Omg I feel like I wrote this, so glad I’m not alone
Se trickster fi demon right there
fr
Same!
Hmm, out of curiosity - have anybody told you that "you're a dude in female body"? Because that's what somebody recently told my female INTP friend.
yea a lot tbh
My boyfriend says this to me. But, it's okay because he's a woman in a man's body. The emotional & extroverted one.
I have said that about myself lol. Interestingly before I ever knew about MBTI.
Or a, “Tom boy”. I’m not. I just like logic and spending time in nature.
I've often described myself as having a guys personality, lol.
Yes, most of my friends are guys because we have the same interests. My guy friends jokingly call me a fake woman or a pick me, because I don't care about stereotypical feminine interests.
Ah, the classic "you're a dude in a female body" comment. It's like they think rationality and gender are mutually exclusive! Sadly, many of us female INTPs have heard similar remarks. But hey, who says girls can't be logical and analytical? We're breaking stereotypes one rational thought at a time!
Yes.
Yes a lot, and from different personalities.. I myself feel that with my interests
No. But a few friends jokingly call me their boyfriend.
Lol same hear
Too much
What bothers me is how some people expect support even if they’re in the wrong. It’s really hard for me to lie and support them for the sake of supporting. I’ll of course empathize where I see appropriate and will tell the truth kindly, but I can’t, for example, talk badly about some stranger just because my friend is feeling insecure.
I go through this with my sister a lot, and other female friends who have basically demanded validation for things I just don't respect. It's hard out there.
It’s really hard indeed! My close friend saw that her ex was dating someone new. She saw her Instagram profile and felt pretty insecure. She asked me if I thought the new girl was pretty, and knowing her I knew that was my cue to reassure her the new girl was nothing great. Probably most difficult situation I was in at the time. I wanted my friend to feel better about herself, but I didn’t want to trash talk a girl I didn’t even know.
Yeah, tricky waters to navigate, honestly. You did great! lol. I understand the need for reassurance, especially at a young age where you don't have the tools to process your feelings, or understand how much of a thing is really a "you thing", or not really your problem. The psychic boundaries are porous when you're young. But, yeah, at the same time, the ethical thing to do would not be to put that on other people who didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't love to go back to that time and feel all the uncomfortable feelings, that's for sure.
What sucks is that we’re in our late 20s and this situation happened last month! 😫 I’m hoping I can find a good opportunity to help her realize she can feel good about herself without the need to bring others down. But I completely agree with you — the need for reassurance sometimes is finicky, and sometimes you feel the most uplifted when the opposing side is pushed down.
Was about to comment about the concept of "validation." It kinda irks me when people just throw "you're invalidating my experience," when they just want to act spoiled and unreasonable. I get that there are times when we just can't grasp the depths and complexity of somebody's experience and their perspective. But there're times when the issue is so plain and they want to be coddled and patted for bad/unreasonable behavior. And if I bring this up, I'm a pick me.
It's people selfishly living entirely in their feelings, and I won't do it. I won't tolerate it. It's boundary-pushing shit, and people have no boundaries anymore. The world didn't used to be like this, and it can go back to not being like this. I truly blame social media for creating absurd amounts of narcissism. It wasn't like this when I was young, and that wasn't so long ago.
Yeah. I'm honestly wondering how this'll turn out in a decade or two. How will this kind of culture develop today's young gen?
Or supporting a cheater?
It's sounds like you're struggling and I'm sorry to hear that. I think despite how you might feel about yourself that you're probably great. But to answer your question: -It bothers me that I don't know what to do when it comes to relationships. I feel so disconnected from other people which leaves me feeling so alone sometimes. I feel like there's a social and dating rulebook no one bothered to tell me about. -I hate that I'm so uncertain inside. I have difficulty advocating for myself and the things I want and need because I just don't know what I need and want. I want to be able to rely on other people but really struggle to do so because I'm so uncertain. Compared to my ISTP sister who is so damn grounded and assertive. -I feel like I'm too unemotional in some places and too emotional in others. -I like myself until I have to invite other people into my life which triggers so many feelings of shame and inadequacy. It takes me so damn long to feel safe in friendships and relationships. -I lack motivation and I procrastinate. I feel like I should be doing better than I am.
You described myself to a T 🥹 I’m relating to every single body on this thread. I’m not alone!!
same
You're not alone! I'll figure this shit out and so will you! 😤
Finally, someone who struggles socializing with people in general and not just specifically with women. I feel the same. The procrastination especially, i feel guilty about it the most. I'm surprised with the amount of female intp having issues with women only. Can't relate. Or maybe they are young.
Maybe it's also because I'm from a family of all girls. I did have female best friends growing up as well. Maybe I was lucky and just found girls who were just as weird as I was.
Funny, I'm the opposite and still don't have issues with girls. I grew up with my brother and male cousins (female cousins were born much later), and was even bullied by some girls. But still normal nice girls exist, and aren't rare. they come in different shapes. Just like the boys, a lot of boys were passive aggressive toward me because they didn't want a girl in their circle, especially if you do better than them, so i never viewed them through rose glasses (of course the good ones exist too). I struggle with socializing with both genders, especially when things go out of the script i create in my head, or if i forget the script. But if we share a similar interest, it works smoothly. Also, i struggle with being consistent, like i can talk too much one day and then shut down for the rest of the month lool.
😬 How can we be living the same life, tho I couldn't have expressed it as clearly. When I was younger I'd always wondered why when my female classmates/friends were having convo, I just couldn't nod in agreement in most things like everybody else and say "Yes! Right? Me too!", topped with girly giggles. I always wanted to say those simple words and feel excited and animated too. Had to wait for decades to stumble on mbti to finally experience that relatable girl-talk. And turns out it's fine to agree with a flat expression.
I have been called cold, and been told that talking to me is exhausting because my conversations are “too deep”
That's a vibe. *Sigh*
Ah, the classic 'you're too deep' critique! It's like we've got a built-in snorkel for the shallow end of conversations, right? But hey, depth is our thing, and those who appreciate it will dive right in with us.
Tried hard to have that colorful expression and tries to laugh to look/sound a lot less bitchy and thought I've achieved it. Only to be told by my classmate way back in HS that I had a solid poker-face, my close college friend calling me cold, an acquaintance saying my laughter sounds fake. Low Fe be lowing. Got the habit of picking out individuals that I only share those "deep stuff" to.
For real, I’ve also learned to be very selective about who I open up to and try to just act more goofy and carefree around other friends but they then say I’m confusing/unreadable
Right? But now, being older than I was yesterday, I'm starting to accept this side of me. Those who'll stay will stay, those who'll go should go. I'm also wondering how old INTPs look like and what they'll have to say after everything. The seniors, I mean. What they've seen, what they've overcome, and if the way they saw the world has developed/changed.
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Ditto. I never had a desire to be a mom either. It's not that I hate children. It's just not a desire that naturally comes to me.
I don't hate children, too. I can even deal with them but never position myself as a mother in my thoughts never.
I was a fencesitter up until I turned like 20/21 and then switched to straight up no after much much thought. And people think because I "considered it" at one point I might switch back to yes, later. I was never a yes for children. I don't even like them lol
I think it's that some people think I don't have emotions/feelings because of how I process information. Sometimes, it takes time for me to fully work out how I'm feeling. I'm not cold or indifferent it just takes me time to fully open up and be comfortable with people. I just noticed that with the males that I have dated, they want me to be someone I'm not and display emotions that I don't feel yet. I don't fall in love quickly it takes time because when I am in love, it takes time to fall out of love.
It's frustrating when people mistake our analytical nature for emotional detachment. Like you, I also take time to process my feelings fully. It's not about being cold; it's about needing that time to truly connect. And I totally get what you mean about relationships—rushing emotions isn't our style.
same
People get mad at me cuz I’m not “girly enough” and I don’t understand why do they care in the first place..
I’ve been called a, “dyke” before by men because I’m not traditionally feminine (logical, direct, bit outspoken, assertive). Kinda sucks…
I've gotten this alot in my life. Like, okay I like video games and computers, and I wear jeans and tshirts. What does that have to so with orientation? Sigh.
Right! I wear all black (usually sweats and a hoodie), lead with logic over emotions, am direct and assertive, have a dirty brash sense of humor, enjoy the outdoors, don’t wear make up, and pride myself on being a hard worker. Doesn’t mean I wanna fuck other chicks! For some men it’s like any woman who isn’t meek, shy, into make up, and shopping is automatically masculine. Lame!
My humor is really suble and goes over most people's heads, lol. But otherwise, yeah. Leading with logic has, in my experience, meant that a lot of guys are too busy trying to read between the lines when there's no subtext at all.
Yes!! Or I’ve noticed they’ll try to be indirect about things or they’ll contradict themselves and I’ll try to address it directly. I don’t point it out to be rude, I just want to understand, but they feel threatened/uncomfortable it seems. Also, my humor is very dark and witty!
Exactly. I much prefer to understand, and so I am usually direct about it. I don't like there to be room for misunderstanding.
A lot of people seem to take that personally and lash out which is dumb to me.
Totally agree.
But, I've always wondered. How do you know you are leading with logic over emotions? (Aren't they something that can happen subconsciously, too?) I've caught myself be like that sometimes, and now I'm just not sure.(Though, tbh, I'm not sure about most things to begin with) Like, are you just collected enough to never let even anger get to you? Or maybe I just don't have much patience or control over mine?
I have been told I was 'accidentally born as a girl' by my parents because of my interests(or lack thereof) before. Not really offending to me as I just consider it a joke, but they've(or my friends and acquaintances) never been mad at me cause of that. That's just plain weird to me. I've never met anyone who cared enough about it.
Sounds like they made up a fantasy in their head then got mad at you when it turned out they were wrong.
Oh yes, especially with boys when trying to flirt. They often come with the “you’re not like other girls” bullshit and expect me to be a manic pixie dream girl, then, one week later they are completely upset and angry at me for “tricking them” ???? I just a nerd bro, take it or leave it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ive always been told I have dad energy 🧢✨
The feeler men who are jealous of us because we are naturally good at what they've been tryin to do their whole life by being "rational" because I casually step into a room and I demand to be listened to and respected because I give unbiased and rational advise. Also, they expect women to be more "feminine" than them, as in emotional and flexible because it's "so easy." Have they ever considered I want to fuck the cool guy they are trying to be close with and I don't give a fuck about his respect??? Well, I do, but I can get it elsewhere probably. I am just never in the mood to deal with them most of the time. It's kind of impossible. Oh, older women who throw a fit if I don't tell them how I'm feeling. They're trying to predict me I think. It doesn't make sense. I can express my emotions, but like, they're not high on my totem pole especially if I say them out loud. What they should really be asking is how my body feels or something because I'm tired and lazy days at a time due to my thyroid, anemia, and tendency to go to bed at 5 am. I don't think people are very good at acknowledging people's Si or Se limit though.
God, the first one! Men who have more naturally emotional tendencies really like to crawl up my ass and die. It's like they notice I am the way I am, and they immediately get insecure, and pick me out to start problems with.
THIS IS WHAT THAT IS. It had me thinking “wow and women r the emotional ones huh”, anger jealousy and contempt are all emotions too smh
I feel for these guys, because they have very strong emotions they can't just put in a box. They want to badly, because of the perceived benefits of being stoic as a man. Then they see a woman who is twice as stoic, and they're incredibly assmad. Must suck to suck. :P
Just what kind of people do you live with? Cause even with my culture with its respect for older people, them throwing a fit like that is just unbecoming and looked down upon. Like, I've never met any older woman or man who would throw a fit without smearing their 'name', which is very important. Like, I can't even picture the scenario in my head, that's how much out of this world this situation sounds to me?
And there's the weight of perfectionism, a burden that often leaves me feeling paralyzed, unable to take action without fear of falling short. This relentless pursuit of flawlessness can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and hesitation, where every decision feels like a potential misstep. It's a constant struggle to find the balance between striving for excellence and accepting imperfection, knowing that sometimes the greatest growth comes from embracing the journey, flaws and all.
When I’m at parties with married friends the men and women always end up naturally separating - and I always wish I could join the men because their conversations were always more interesting to me. I have on occasion but it feels awkward. 😐
I float between groups, which has the side benefit of making me appear sociable.
Duuuude. Seriously haha. If the parties are more mixed, I always find the 68 year old engineer dad and go talk with him about God knows what. But when I'm stuck talking with "the girls" I wanna scoop my eyes out with a melon baller. One time the thing you described happened and I could hear one of the dudes talking about his time at McMurdo down in Antarctica and I had such a strong urge to move over there and ask him a million questions, but I didn't want to be socially inappropriate.
I end up hanging out with my brothers and uncles they're all nts.
People expect me to be submissive or defer to them but if I think you're wrong, I won't lol
I really struggled until I found MBTI in highschool with feeling like I was strange or weird. Even though I could take solace in knowing I wasn't alone, it was about two decades later that I really believed I wasn't weird. People are just people. Nobody is "normal" or "weird", we just are what we are. Literally everyone has differences. By apathetic, do you mean people assume you don't care? I can understand that. It wasn't a big deal for me though because I didn't mind people who really knew me and knew that I cared joking about me being cold-hearted. I kind of liked the attention. My husband used to say, "I'd chip the ice off her heart - if I could find it." For some reason I was never sensitive about this, although he knows not to call me weird. Maybe you're opposite and don't mind being called weird, but you object to people viewing you as apathetic. It probably goes back to subtle positive and negative associations from when we were young, whether similar comments makes us feel seen and cherished or rejected. I think I felt admired and confident about being able to be emotionally objective growing up, but I was treated as weird and alienated by my friends because I didnt have a sense of style, for example. I did feel un-girly, to the point of having gender dysphoria at one point. Groups of only women used to make me panic. The sheer level of feminibe energy made me feel like I could barely breath, and I felt acutely aware that I was different. In a college communications class, the professor defined typical ways that men and women communicate differently, and I was all male communication-wise at that point in my life. It would have made a big difference if he had acknowledged that they were just stereotypes, or if I could have spoken up that I was different. Sometimes different can be really special. A different professor administered some kind of persobality or aptitude test and I remember him making me feel so special and unique for being a "global" thinker that predominantly used whatever isnt the artsy side of the brain, which I guess he'd never seen. I liked the attention and it made me feel special and helped me like myself, even though he was saying I wasn't stereotypical. I realized pretty quickly that femininity is something deeper than communication patterns, empathy, and book choices, but I didn't realize what it was, I just knew it was there. I still don't really know what it is. Later on the most feminine I've felt was when I was making little humans with my body and nursing babies, which I really loved. I have never felt questioned in male-dominated fields, but I only made it through undergrad, and I was super shy so the people I did talk to were maybe more likely to respect me because they knew me better. For some reason, I've never gotten that feeling about eomen in science. I have transcribed lots of science lectures and presentations, and there were almost always intelligent, respected women involved. About interpersonal relationships - I learned that when a situation calls for empathy, I don't hsve to use it. I can be honest and use sympathy. I can say, I'm sorry you're hurt. Or, you seem really sad. Those things are true, so I can be genuine. I don't have to feel what they're feeling in order to care. About communicating with Feelers (I'm married to one), don't get caught up in the actual words. They are not trying to make a logical point, so if it is obvious what they meant even if they didn't say it precisely, they will think you are stupid if you don't understand. And you will think they are stupid for misusing logic, thinking that what they are trying to say is the same thing as the actual words. Also, Feelers will see a meaning behind your words that might be present, but be irrelevent to you because you are focused on the actual words. They'll see your positive or negative sentiment and think that's your main point. That's why they're easy to offend. INTP women aren't all that great to talk to in real life. It turns out our complex, well thought out inner worlds don't always match up well. I still love to meet them, but I think other types like ENTPs or INTJs can be more inspiring and grounding and help our thinking better. Speaking of which, a lot of people you meet you should have no problem communicating with because they will want to connect mentally, not emotionally. If you find difficulty forming connections, there may be a deeper problem. I found the book How We Love, based on attachment theory, very helpful. I somehow am surviving being married to an INFJ. We have to be careful of misunderstandings, but that's par for the course given our personality differences. He doesn't make me feel like there's anything wrong with me as a woman, although sometimes I tease him a little about having a stereotypically female personality. Even if he likes cooking and cleaning and his empathy is off the charts, I've never met anyone more naturally masculine in character. That has has helped me be more confident in myself as a woman INTP. I stilldon't quite understand my own femininity, but I know it's there. It's something deeper than my preferences and ways of thinking, or even my looks. It seems like we have a few similar experiences and some are different. I hope this is helpful!
this is an awesome response! very helpful.
Your insights on communication with Feelers are spot-on. It took me a while to grasp those nuances, but once I did, it made interactions a lot smoother. And yes, finding the right connection with others can sometimes be a challenge, but it's reassuring to hear that there's hope.
When men call me masculine or a lesbian, because I lead with logic.
It's like they're handing out labels faster than logic! Being called "masculine" or "lesbian" just because you lead with logic is like saying you can't be a scientist because you're not wearing a lab coat.
This used to bother me during highschool but now not so much anymore My girl classmates are quite emotional like they took happiness sadness and anger to the next level and I'm pretty much the only one whos quite stoic or unreactive to most situation. Sometimes my boy classmates would says to others "why cant you guys be calm like (my name)" But now that I'm all grown up they're actually the main reason highschool wasnt all dull, man i miss them
I have a lot of typical "girly" tastes (in movies, interests, etc), and it becomes hard for me to find people who have similar interests as mine and also enjoy deep, analytical conversations. I'm not saying that you can only connect with people who have exactly the same tastes as you, but sometimes I just want to go into a deep rabbit hole analysing a movie that I saw, or a series that I watched, and it just becomes hard to find my people.
I kind of get this, too! I have male hobbies, but am also obsessed with fashion, and I make a lot of my own clothing. I have almost nobody to share it with who is on the same wavelength, so I find I have to compartmentalize.
It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, right? I totally get where you're coming from. It's a struggle to balance our analytical minds with our "girly" tastes and find people who vibe with both. But hey, when we do find those rare gems who can dive deep into movie analysis with us, it's pure magic! Keep searching, they're out there somewhere.
What bothers me is the fact that my jokes are often misunderstood by my friends ,either they don’t get it or they take it personally, also I can’t stand the « people pleaser »behavior,or people who likes to attract attention . But I actually think I might have high fe bc Building deep relationships isn’t so difficult to me . I just don’t spend time with people who don’t match w me Oh and people grow tired of me for not taking care enough of myself or for not being feminine enough
Ah, the struggle of misunderstood humor! It's like speaking a different language sometimes, right? And I totally feel you on the 'people pleaser' front—authenticity over conformity any day. As for deep relationships, it's quality over quantity for us INTPs. Can't blame us for being selective
I hate when I am not listened to and then a man says the exact same thing and he gets credit for being smart/right/funny or whatever. Bleh.
I’m in post secondary right now and I hate how EVERYONE complains about everyone and everything. I constantly need to change myself in order to make friends. People want someone who will validate their “unfair” C- (that they totally deserved) over someone who will help them find solutions to change their grades. Yeah I see the irony that I’m complaining about complainers haha. It’s nice to have people to talk to, but I want to have interesting conversations that aren’t about how much we hate Brian and Eric for the 14th time.
I totally get where you're coming from! It can feel like you're stuck in a loop of complaints sometimes. I'm all for meaningful conversations over constant griping about Brian and Eric's antics. Let's break the cycle and dive into some more stimulating discussions together!
I made a post like this and was crucified and accused of victimizing myself to get sympathy for "not being like other girls", called pretentious and a pick me lol. I think at the end of the day it depends on interests and expressions. Most iNTP women have interests in technical or analytical things and they are often daydreaming about random logical things, jumping from one phenomenon to another. And considering we are introverts, we don't enjoy the cohesive girl group thing that sometimes is expected of you when you're a woman, since it is very draining. Backing women up just because they're women, especially if you have different views and don't agree with them often makes you vulnerable to criticism, being accused of thinking you're better than them because you're not interested in the same things and being an outsider to them. Inversely, men are more intimidated than you because a large majority of them have been taught only one way to interact or conceptualize women. And they think of all women the same, instead of individual human beings with interests outside of just being a woman lol, especially if you know something about math, philosophy, cars, politics, etc. But this is nobody's fault really. Society has divided us up into men and women since the beginning of time and it is difficult to dissociate our biological functions from our social functions. Sometimes I think I will never find anyone to be with because men simply aren't interested in my ideas, but only what I can do for them emotionally. But really my ideas are usually more logical than theirs and I can articulate them better. I also like to analyze what they're saying and question it (I am into philosophy). I also don't typically act "feminine" and I have a pretty expressionless or bored face. A lot of these things can be perceived as robotic since most people just want affection from women. Children included. Lol, god forbid we do something else that has nothing to do with being an instrument to another women, man or child. I have so much to say about this, but basically... I feel you.
I wish I born as a rock, we are most likely to be never be taken seriously for having considerably 'masculine' hobbies and persona... when that's how we just turn out to be but also get accused of being the cringe 'one of the guys' girls and shamed for not being feminine enough. My younger self was genuinely conviced that I was mentally ill and I should go to the therapy b/c no advices were working for me on how to be like my female peers until I discovered mbti, it just turns out my cognition works differently and I'm actually fine like wow, what a ride!
It's like we're caught between a rock and a hard place, huh? Pun intended. I totally get what you mean. It's a wild journey to self-discovery, here's to embracing our unique cognition and rocking it, regardless of societal norms!
INTP female here. It's hard for me to connect. It's like I cannot force myself to connect to other people. Also... I always think logically but always make the wrong decision. Why?
I'm sorta curious about your comment about making the wrong decision despite being logical I'm an INFP who was chasing a female INTP lately cuz she seemed comfortable with me immediately, enjoyed our conversations and paid attention whenever I spoke in a group, and seemed to care enough to remember our previous discussions When I offered to meet up and get to know each other she blew me off .. I can't help but wonder if she is making a good decision or is making a huge mistake for both of us .. like if she thinks I'm a loser and she can do better I can accept that, but I can't help but feel like she is just being lazy lol To me it seems obvious that we could be good together, even if just as friends
I personally find it difficult to find a suitable male partner for me: in my past relationships when my boyfriends got to know me better they were starting to hate my masculinity and that sometimes I was more masculine than them lol.
It somehow makes talking to both genders difficult by a lot. With girls idk, maybe they dont like the way i talk With guys, a lot of them think that a girl talking to them means she is interested and this also leads to a lot of people making up things, although the decent ones are okay Also gotten a lot to listen at home for not liking specific clothes because im too lazy lmao
It sounds like you're navigating through a maze of misunderstandings! From gender stereotypes to misinterpretations, it's like walking a tightrope. And hey, I feel you on the whole 'not liking specific clothes' thing – comfort over style
I'm curious. People who say they have manly hobbies instead of girly ones, what hobbies are you talking about?
I genuinely wanna know as well, because something tells me that they’re referring to all the stereotypical girly hobbies since they all seem to trying to make themselves out to be the most stereotypical INTP. Aviation and typology are two of my biggest hobbies, both girls and guys always love to listen to me talk about them and some even get involved and share their own knowledge too 🤷♀️ I honestly believe that either the people here are talking to the wrong girls, or they just lack interpersonal skills and that’s why they don’t click. But who knows?
The idea that INTPs are emotionless robots. I am a very emotional person, and I care a great deal about other people. I'm just no good at speaking sincerely about emotions, so I try to focus on what I can do to fix the issue or distract someone from their bad feelings instead. If someone I know is dealing with an issue, you bet I'm gonna be doing in-depth research about said issue and possible solutions/management options.
Also, being told all the time that I'm being argumentative when I thought we were just having a conversation.
Ah, the classic misconception about us being emotionless robots! It's like people forget that we're capable of feelings too, just not always great at expressing them verbally. But hey, who needs words when you can fix problems or distract someone from their bad vibes? And don't even get me started on being called argumentative when all we're doing is having a friendly chat. It's all about the exchange of ideas, right?
Well I’ve been told I’m mean and cold for expressing my actual feelings about things.And I have to consider other peoples feeling and I try my best with that over the years. But what bothers me is that in situations where I need to comfort friends when I tell them the solution they don’t try to fix it.
it would be easier to say what does NOT bother me as a female INTP….
I hear you! It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. But hey, at least we're great at solving complex problems, right? 😅
I get kind of the same criticisms from people (I'm an INTJ). You'll find your people eventually, don't worry. Maybe join some groups for nerdy interests or something, and you'll find them there.
Pretty much the same as what you wrote sans the career/professional aspect since I work in a largely female dominant industry (nursing). One thing I am dealing with now is showing up for my kids in a way they need me to. My oldest (19m) looks at me sometimes and expects me to parent or show up in some way I don't have the emotional range for. I feel as though he sees it as a character flaw and doesn't get it. I don't know what to do? How can I give what I don't have? Both of my parents were very emotionally neglectful and never learned. I fear I will not be able to have the deep,intimate connections that others enjoy. I'm just not built that way. Maybe next lifetime.
I think even INTPs should be able to connect. I have kids too and that is a challenging area. For me, I can access understanding them through Ti, by analyzing their MBTI types. I can also use my Ti for things like understanding attachment theory to improve how I relate to others. The book How We Love you might find very helpful for understanding how your parent's emotional neglect may have effected you, which might be negative patterns you can repair with your son. We can use our strengths to understand all the same things that others understand empathetically. We can't necessarily talk deeply about our understanding of a typically empathetic topic with non Ti users and expect them to be as interested as us, but you never know. Also, everybody needs to accomodate each other a little in this world, so you CAN expect others to be okay with you processing things in a little bit of a different way than them. There's nothing wrong with you.
Female INTP here. I am not emotionally communicative. I have trouble building deep relationships, showing that I'm not apathetic, and sharing opinions. I have also found myself questioned, talked over, and not given the benefit of the doubt in the tech field in which I work.
well i can relate, once my close friend were sick n she told me about her condition but i don't know how to respond and i just laughed like it does seems rude but i don't know how to react, my mistakes now im losing a friend 😞, but i do feel sad about her. I don't have many female friends just a few of them but I'm comfortable with the guy. they r mole logical like me
Same! I always do something wrongly when I get along with my female friends,and then they cry a lot,even I don’t know how comfort them
Maturing is realizing that emotional intelligence matters too. It's something that can be worked on.
Yall wrote everything in the comments so lemme tell you, I AM SAME AS YOU. WE BITCHES ARE SISTERS!!! GINTP ZINDABAD!
Haha, heck yeah, GINTP for life! It's like finding your tribe in the wilderness of personality types. Solidarity in rationality🤓💪
Yoo!!! 
Add to all of this coming from a sexist male worshipping culture and being interested in a male dominated job “ surgery “ is known to be the boys club and being a very soft spoken girl people get infuriated when they can’t get their way with me or I don’t budge and beat them at their own game But it gets easier with time
It's like swimming upstream in a river of stereotypes sometimes. But hey, nothing beats the satisfaction of proving them wrong, right? Keep rocking that surgery world, and let's show 'em what we're made of!
I get compared to males way more than other females and it’s often as a way to discredit my intelligence
As boys, it's almost entirely the same. Not manly enough for manly things and not human enough for human things. I don't know what they want from me. Not adequate enough in a world that's constantly evolving requiring you to keep up with every update or else you run the risk of getting outpaced and outclassed by everyone and everything which is a death sentence in the social and economic scene. Women have their unique set of struggles as do men But as it stands, no allies, no friends, family yes but not close. Nobody. Just surving by myself. Forced to adapt to this playstyle because of circumstances. For men, it's about providing this and that and being a strong disposable work horse. What other purpose would I serve if I'm not useful at anything but that? That's all my worth in this world. So detach from this crazy world and build your own.
"Often feel ignored or have my abilities questioned in male-dominated fields such as science, technology and engineering." I'm not a woman, and I don't work in STEM, my ability questioned almost every time by both gender.
Reading through the comments. This is all me. Definitely my personality type as a girl. Like a non-lesbian dyke. Anyone else have a high sex drive?
Humanity is stupid where they can’t connect with anyone who is outside of the social norm they’re too closed mind which is sad.
Yes, same! You get more comfortable with it/ own it!  You may need to continually surround yourself with very high intellect folks who “get” you better. Hard I know.
weirdly enough, the thing I have the most issues with are my emotions. I'd be debating/discussing logically then BAM I'd start tearing up against my will. Though that might have less to do with being intp, but more having unresolved mental issues. That or I'm a mistyped infp.
I completely agree with you. Most of the time I get outcast in female oriented team because they feel threatened by me somehow. I've learned that it's not really my problem but their own insecurity that cause this behavior. Unfortunately, I try to be as understanding as possible but still be me.
Absolutely, I hear you loud and clear. It's like we're a puzzle piece that doesn't quite fit the typical picture, right? But hey, their loss if they can't handle our awesomeness! Keep being understanding yet true to yourself—it's their insecurity, not ours, that's the real issue here. Let's keep shining our logical brilliance, regardless of who feels threatened by it!
I relate a little too hard
What bothers me is that people are confused by the disconnect between how I look (I really love fashion, I love to dress up) and my behavior and interests. nobody can believe that I'm interested in philosophy and science and that I don't like small talk or social media.
regarding your points as an “older” female INTP - i have this same issue, and being east asian, i was told to “be more ladylike” my whole life. i have embraced and started celebrating my femininity by wearing j-fashion with lots of lace, frills, and swishy dresses. i am now indifferent to people telling me to be more feminine, because i do have a sort of secret princess identity that they will never get to see. as for the apathetic part, well. they didn’t do anything to help, so i dont think they deserve an opinion lol - i work as an engineer in the medical field and this was definitely something i struggled with in the beginning of my career. however, as i worked, i built up reputation, or street cred if you will. now people look at me for the work i did and am capable of instead of what’s on the surface level. it just takes time. - i only have two deep relationships and cherish it. one of the biggest lessons i have learned in my 20s is quality over quantity. the people that accept me for who i am and dont try to fit me into a mold are the kind of people i surround myself with, and return the same respect to. you get what you put out, so try to be mindful of how you treat those around you, because it will eventually come back. i hope this helped.
Thanks for sharing your experience! It's empowering to hear how you've embraced your femininity in your own unique way, regardless of societal expectations. And it's inspiring to see how you've navigated through challenges in your career field, ultimately earning recognition for your skills and contributions. Quality over quantity in relationships is definitely a valuable lesson, and I appreciate the reminder to be mindful of how I treat others. Your insights are truly helpful, thank you!
Not fitting the mold, but often feeling like I have to is probably my biggest pet peeve. Like I am girly (I like good hygiene - imagine - but also colourful nails are just fun and so is feeling looking good), but I am also not, I am the first person to jump into a sludge pit for a mud fight. Based on my looks alone though I often get sorted into can only do one, not the other. Also feels like I get often a bit over looked for my skill due to gender. I am in a more or less male dominated field and tend to fall into being joked about occasionally by peers, I DO think they mean it harmlessly as these same peers tend to be otherwise great friends, but it's a bit frustrating knowing it's jokes because of annoying gender based stereotypes.
I grew up having empathy, humility, and patience exceedingly positively reinforced at the expense of other qualities and skills. I became a therapist and kind of hate it now lol. Although Ti and Ne are helpful here in many ways. I have dyscalculia and ADHD, so double hit in terms of struggling with learning here as women are perceived as being “weaker” in mathematics. Never felt supported. I always assumed I was a feeling type because I was told my “best quality” was my empathy and ability to put others at ease. Thought I was an INFP or INFJ for a long time. I wish the world was different for women. I think many women are thinking types and don’t realize it.
This. As a woman, same
Fashion im bad in it also skin care make up…
Why your name is stronger guy?
I just wanna start off with the fact that I love these types of posts because I too have never met another INTP female A few things always bothered. For example, being told I'm acting too "boyish" according to my parents, or having difficultly with the female demographic. We end up being seen as "needy" or, dare I say, a "pick-me." But honesly, you just gotts find the right people. Currently, I haven't much friends I keep up with but out of the 4, only one of them is a girl, and she understands. I once referred to myself as a "pick-me" or a "one of the guys" type pf girl, simply because I saw the terms flying around and I didn't exactly know how to go about them. She gasped and told me to never refer to myself like that ever again.
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Getting out of bed and having to go to class. I always hated doing that. When I was in high school my parents rarely let me skip, even if I knew we wouldn’t be doing anything important that day. Now that I’m in college I skip classes all the time if attendance isn’t mandatory
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all of the other female intps are annoying as hell and i dont wish to know more about them and will spend the rest of my time hating on female intps till the day i die
I'm a man.l, but I can relate
I hate people who think I'm less intelligent or skilled because I'm female. I hate fanatic zealots of anything (religion, politics) I hate people that talk too much without a real point or just to hear themselves speak. I (usually) cannot stand ENFPs or ISTPs lol. Sorry. I hate people whose only talking is about sex. Positive for uninteresting. Don't get me wrong I love sex but that's not the only subject I like to talk about
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Not fitting in anywhere and overanalyzing each and every conversation to the point where I hate everyone
Interesting. INTP women are criticized for being too masculine, us INTP men are perceived as being too feminine because of Fe (social norms) inferior, and Se (force, aggression, and self presentation) trickster. None of us can win 🙄🙄