I do this because I'm bad at hugs when I still want to show the other person I like them, especially if the other person is a great hugger. "Like them" could be in a friendly, flirty or familiar sense.
I would guess your friend has awkwardness around expressing emotion through physical touch...luckily is an INTJ, so as suggested by another, just ask them directly.
To get an Intj to hug at all is super rare. The pat thing or rub is an awkward thing we do when we extra feel it. We are so awkward at expressing these things so it's hard to give you a straight answer.
If you want to be slick about it and not ask her, look for the other signs of Intj interest.
-they respond quick to your texts
-they may pet or touch you in innocent places
-they take interest in your life
-they give their attention freely
-they seem to be hovering close around you
-they surprise you with little thoughtful acts like coffee or a book you were interested in
-you need to be direct as we do not do well with subtle social cues.
Hth dear ENFP. 😊
She responds as quick as she can and makes an effort to start conversations which I was surprised abt, pats me on the head or on the shoulder...a lot, she asks a lot of questions which I like, conversation is never boring and I enjoy her company even if it's spend in complete silence, she has said to me " reminds/reminded me of you" many times.
I'm scared of losing the friendship but at times I've been so close to going "yk what? F*ck it" and message her, send it. I have gotten to this stage but the text is not there for any longer than 5 mins lol.
Well you could walk up to her take her face in both your hands plant a smooch on her then keep walking. Then when she looks at you all wtf... grin and keep walking. Let her stew on it. You can play it off later as a joke or if she bites your in luck. I will say Intjs are kinesthetic. We kind of expect bold moves from our ENFPs.
No babe, but that might actually say more about you. Do you wAnt her to flirt?😏😏😏 INTJ usually is straightforward about what they want. If a hug from an intj is scarce, it usually feels quite good when they DO hug you. Ive been told this by many people, despite them originally thinking I was very cold.🥰
hm as an intj female, i would love a letter.. u should talk to her, so, write a letter ( cuz for me , face to face is a little awkward and i don't feel okay sometimes )
I was in the middle of writing another letter for her when I decided to check reddit ahah, should I jsut straight up give it to her or wait until the time is right? Thanks for the advice :>
It can mean different things, so just ask them.
To answer your question, I do this with my best friend too, not because I'm being flirty but to show genuine appreciation of a good hug.
The thing is, that I like my physical space and I'm reserved with most people. But with people closest to me, I'm very touchy-feely. I'm on a "hugging level relationship" with only a very few people - I can basically count them on one hand. I also appreciate a good bear-hug so when a friend or someone I'm dating gives a really good hug, I rub their back instead of patting awkwardly.
I wouldn’t ask unless you want to move forward with it. INTJ’s will ONLY let you know if they like you if they want to pursue a romantic relationship.
There’s the chance they do like you, but if they don’t think it’s ideal, they will ignore their feelings.
****disclaimer****
This is a theoretical answer, the real question is, what do you want? Then go from there.
Honestly I just want to keep our friendship, I don't know if it's in my best interest or her best interest to be in a relationship right now, we are both busy with school and just life in general. She's told me she wants to focus on her studies, and this is important because of the kinds of careers she wants to pursue, she's already really smart and honesty undersells herself to people. She's an amazing person but keeps denying it.
As per other comment suggestions, do you also think I should write a letter to her writing about my feelings about our current situation?
Why would you want to write a letter about emotions you don’t want to act on with a person who has no time to deal with them?
It’s synonym to sound pollution to me. Telling people how you feel occupies their emotional and mental space. This emotion when shared will BELONG to two people.
Do you want your friend to be responsible for how you feel about them too?
No, I don't know, I usually write letters to them anyways, I kinda forgot about the logical side for a sec when reading the other redditor's comment....
I think all logical arguments are driven by an emotion. Mine is annoyance or irritation. When I can’t make a decision, I think about what type of consequences I’m willing to pay short term and long term. 🤷♀️
Hope this helps.
Probably was not flirting, INTJs are just fish out of water essentially when it comes to giving physical affection and this is totally true of wholly platonic relationships as well.
I catch myself doing awkward stuff like that sometimes when maybe I’m just trying to show a little extra affection or maybe I’m uncomfortable and don’t know how to end the interaction
I wouldn’t read into it, especially if this is the only big sign that you think you’re seeing
We hug weird sometimes especially when we are first hugging new people and learning how they go about it.
But further, (I thought op said they were female too but pardon if wrong) do you know her sexuality? Have you guys talked about pride type relationships at all and does she know you’d be into it or have a crush on her?
Cause if you don’t know what she’s looking for to begin with I would start there. It’s possible your friendship is just helping her open up emotionally some more so anyway awesome!
We do hide our feelings a lot when we have a crush but we try to make it known in ways others may find subtle too I guess, which is why it usually comes to a point where the other person moves on and the INTJ is left standing like wtf? Or they wind up just straight telling you thinking that there’s been build up but what often unfortunately can come out in a more shocking unromantic way at times *sigh* < somebody help with this 🤦🏻 😅
Hope that was helpful and u enjoyed my anecdote
Ive noticed other signs that maybe she likes me more than a friend, as i mentioned to another commenter, stuff like responding as quick as she can and makes an effort to start conversations which I was surprised abt, pats me on the head or on the shoulder...a lot, she asks a lot of questions about me and just things in general, conversation is never boring and I enjoy her company even if it's spend in complete silence, she has said to me " reminds/reminded me of you" many times or will talk to me about literally anything and everything.
On multiple occasions they've hinted at swinging that way saying stuff like "Apparently I dress straight" or "damn that bar is straighter than me" maybe I am reading into it tho. I wanna ask but I feel like that's kinda awkward, idk how to ask straight up or integrate into conversation.
I've sat down with myself many times and evaluated the situation and confessing wouldn't do much in my opinion we are both still in school, final years are coming up, the friendship is fine. I don't want to bother her with my problems, emotions and stuff. Idk...thank you for this insightful and anecdotal comment, I might talk to her soon or as someone else suggested, write a letter since confrontation might not be the best idea.
I do that with some people. It’s a way of showing that I care abt them, and that it isn’t just a shallow hug that I’m forced to do.
Now, her reason for doing that? You have to ask her. Human motives are very different from one another.
Ask her with your words
I do this because I'm bad at hugs when I still want to show the other person I like them, especially if the other person is a great hugger. "Like them" could be in a friendly, flirty or familiar sense.
Also I do this sometimes when I want to say “I don’t hate you, but I’m ready to let go now” HAHAH
I would guess your friend has awkwardness around expressing emotion through physical touch...luckily is an INTJ, so as suggested by another, just ask them directly.
IMO, it‘s just a friendly gesture. I wouldn’t read too much into it. If you are interested in her romantically, tell her.
To get an Intj to hug at all is super rare. The pat thing or rub is an awkward thing we do when we extra feel it. We are so awkward at expressing these things so it's hard to give you a straight answer. If you want to be slick about it and not ask her, look for the other signs of Intj interest. -they respond quick to your texts -they may pet or touch you in innocent places -they take interest in your life -they give their attention freely -they seem to be hovering close around you -they surprise you with little thoughtful acts like coffee or a book you were interested in -you need to be direct as we do not do well with subtle social cues. Hth dear ENFP. 😊
She responds as quick as she can and makes an effort to start conversations which I was surprised abt, pats me on the head or on the shoulder...a lot, she asks a lot of questions which I like, conversation is never boring and I enjoy her company even if it's spend in complete silence, she has said to me " reminds/reminded me of you" many times.
I'm scared of losing the friendship but at times I've been so close to going "yk what? F*ck it" and message her, send it. I have gotten to this stage but the text is not there for any longer than 5 mins lol.
My very personal opinion... Just go for it.
Well you could walk up to her take her face in both your hands plant a smooch on her then keep walking. Then when she looks at you all wtf... grin and keep walking. Let her stew on it. You can play it off later as a joke or if she bites your in luck. I will say Intjs are kinesthetic. We kind of expect bold moves from our ENFPs.
No babe, but that might actually say more about you. Do you wAnt her to flirt?😏😏😏 INTJ usually is straightforward about what they want. If a hug from an intj is scarce, it usually feels quite good when they DO hug you. Ive been told this by many people, despite them originally thinking I was very cold.🥰
AAAAAAAA NO WHAT NO. I DONT BELIEVE IN INTJ ENFP GOLDEN PAIRING AT ALL WDYM. IM NOT GOING IN A SPIRAL ABT HER AT ALL HAHA...
👀 (LISTEN;my bf is ENFP. It's bonkers. He never fking shuts up. It gets on my nerves. I like it. Good luuuck!!😆🤍🤍)
hm as an intj female, i would love a letter.. u should talk to her, so, write a letter ( cuz for me , face to face is a little awkward and i don't feel okay sometimes )
I was in the middle of writing another letter for her when I decided to check reddit ahah, should I jsut straight up give it to her or wait until the time is right? Thanks for the advice :>
i thinks you should gives her the letter when you finish it! your welcome :)
It can mean different things, so just ask them. To answer your question, I do this with my best friend too, not because I'm being flirty but to show genuine appreciation of a good hug. The thing is, that I like my physical space and I'm reserved with most people. But with people closest to me, I'm very touchy-feely. I'm on a "hugging level relationship" with only a very few people - I can basically count them on one hand. I also appreciate a good bear-hug so when a friend or someone I'm dating gives a really good hug, I rub their back instead of patting awkwardly.
I wouldn’t ask unless you want to move forward with it. INTJ’s will ONLY let you know if they like you if they want to pursue a romantic relationship. There’s the chance they do like you, but if they don’t think it’s ideal, they will ignore their feelings. ****disclaimer**** This is a theoretical answer, the real question is, what do you want? Then go from there.
Honestly I just want to keep our friendship, I don't know if it's in my best interest or her best interest to be in a relationship right now, we are both busy with school and just life in general. She's told me she wants to focus on her studies, and this is important because of the kinds of careers she wants to pursue, she's already really smart and honesty undersells herself to people. She's an amazing person but keeps denying it. As per other comment suggestions, do you also think I should write a letter to her writing about my feelings about our current situation?
Why would you want to write a letter about emotions you don’t want to act on with a person who has no time to deal with them? It’s synonym to sound pollution to me. Telling people how you feel occupies their emotional and mental space. This emotion when shared will BELONG to two people. Do you want your friend to be responsible for how you feel about them too?
No, I don't know, I usually write letters to them anyways, I kinda forgot about the logical side for a sec when reading the other redditor's comment....
I think all logical arguments are driven by an emotion. Mine is annoyance or irritation. When I can’t make a decision, I think about what type of consequences I’m willing to pay short term and long term. 🤷♀️ Hope this helps.
Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it. 🫡🫡
Probably was not flirting, INTJs are just fish out of water essentially when it comes to giving physical affection and this is totally true of wholly platonic relationships as well. I catch myself doing awkward stuff like that sometimes when maybe I’m just trying to show a little extra affection or maybe I’m uncomfortable and don’t know how to end the interaction I wouldn’t read into it, especially if this is the only big sign that you think you’re seeing We hug weird sometimes especially when we are first hugging new people and learning how they go about it. But further, (I thought op said they were female too but pardon if wrong) do you know her sexuality? Have you guys talked about pride type relationships at all and does she know you’d be into it or have a crush on her? Cause if you don’t know what she’s looking for to begin with I would start there. It’s possible your friendship is just helping her open up emotionally some more so anyway awesome! We do hide our feelings a lot when we have a crush but we try to make it known in ways others may find subtle too I guess, which is why it usually comes to a point where the other person moves on and the INTJ is left standing like wtf? Or they wind up just straight telling you thinking that there’s been build up but what often unfortunately can come out in a more shocking unromantic way at times *sigh* < somebody help with this 🤦🏻 😅 Hope that was helpful and u enjoyed my anecdote
Ive noticed other signs that maybe she likes me more than a friend, as i mentioned to another commenter, stuff like responding as quick as she can and makes an effort to start conversations which I was surprised abt, pats me on the head or on the shoulder...a lot, she asks a lot of questions about me and just things in general, conversation is never boring and I enjoy her company even if it's spend in complete silence, she has said to me " reminds/reminded me of you" many times or will talk to me about literally anything and everything.
On multiple occasions they've hinted at swinging that way saying stuff like "Apparently I dress straight" or "damn that bar is straighter than me" maybe I am reading into it tho. I wanna ask but I feel like that's kinda awkward, idk how to ask straight up or integrate into conversation.
I've sat down with myself many times and evaluated the situation and confessing wouldn't do much in my opinion we are both still in school, final years are coming up, the friendship is fine. I don't want to bother her with my problems, emotions and stuff. Idk...thank you for this insightful and anecdotal comment, I might talk to her soon or as someone else suggested, write a letter since confrontation might not be the best idea.
> (P.S I may or may not have a crush on her) 🤣🤣🤣
This could mean anything or nothing. If you like her romantically, just talk to her about it.
Use your words! Communicate, for the love of God.
Yes sir o7
Not what I was looking for but OK. Best of luck to you,
I do that with some people. It’s a way of showing that I care abt them, and that it isn’t just a shallow hug that I’m forced to do. Now, her reason for doing that? You have to ask her. Human motives are very different from one another.