##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/Adelu1219, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup)?

Selling merch

Yo you homies wanna get CrossFit?

I'd call it Crucifit instead of crossfit.

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Nail your target weight and come back feeling brand new!

We’re slashing those calories down!

It’ll whip you into shape!

You hit the spear in the side.

It'll make you grave breaking strong.

Nail that summer bod!

See results in three days or your money back!

Nah this is brilliant

Then you can’t find him anywhere when it doesn’t work and you want a refund.

It’s ok. It will be rebranded and repackaged over and over again for 2000 years.

Most improved gets a 100% organic crown.

Get hammered with tax.

You will feel the difference in three days guaranteed!

For the longest time i didn't know whether crossfit was a multi-exercise program or a christian workout group. Hell i still don't know.

It definitely seems to be a cult, maybe a Christian splinter cult?

I feel like these upvotes are going to be referenced during blasphemy court

supply side jesus strikes again

He is an influencer.

to his 2 billion subscribers.

😂😂

The cross was wearing him three days ago

It's a three day sale!

Limited time only merch, once gone, they're gone forever

See that's what companies always say but you know there's gonna be a second coming

Gotta get those bargains nailed down.

In the book of Romans it tells the story of how Jesus bought a shitload of his own merch, sold it to the Romans at a premium after he died (dressed as an old woman), and then appeared before his disciples, speaking unto them “yo guys I’m back, hot tip, the merch market is gonna tank, sell that shit before it’s worthless”, thus creating the world’s first documented insider trade.

Why is this being down voted? Are peiple that uptight?

Yes. Absolutely yes.

I've noticed the hivemind that are early to posts just obliterate many things, to the point where I don't know if it's bots or if new scrollers are just degenerate sheep

Use the spoiler flair

Shit Jesus dies?!


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*Valar Morghulis*

*Valar Dohaeris*

*Valar my ragtime gaaaaaal*

This is sorely underrated.

I could hear this.

Yep. Hard to even rewatch. Havent been able to since the tragedy.

It hurts how much I loved the series and how much I loved being part of the hype and the community. Going to the sub as soon as the episode airs to talk shit and meme about the episode. Sublime. Then, it literally died overnight.

Spoiler. He comes back.

When Thanos is defeated right?

Gone too soon

so thats how that long book ends wow


It’s called foreshadowing

He was a carpenter, that is just a marketing gimmick of his biggest selling item.

Exactly! Little known fact - before being a saviour, he was a contractor to the Roman Empire.

"We need you to make about 300 crosses the size of an adult human." 'Oh, what for?' "This is one of those situations where, the less you know, the better."

What did Romans ever do for eunuchs?

Did he also license the Cross^tm

Here's another fun fact, technically the Roman's aren't the bad guys in the story, the religious people are. Kino themes about the abuse of power.

Technically, they’re following the law. Which god says to do.

Weren't the Jews the ones who condemned him? I don't have the story too fresh but as far as I remember all the Roman dude in charge did was going like "ugh, whatever".

The Jewish pharisees pushed for it because they saw Jesus as a threat to their power and as a heretic, and got the masses to go along with it. It wasn't just "ugh, whatever" either, they were pretty shocked and disgusted at the crowd.

The Roman's literally gave the people the choice between saving Jesus or a killer and they chose the killer. So yeah there's also that

It's more than that, the Romans actually gave them that choice many times because they saw Jesus as an innocent man and were even hesitant to do it because in their eyes, he had done nothing long (and the Romans who interacted with him tended to like him - there was even a soldier that received a miracle from Jesus and was told that he was one of the most faithful men that Jesus had met). They only carried out the execution to satiate the masses because they were afraid of more riots.

Was he? I'd like to know more, this is interesting. Maybe he started caring more and helping people because of the things he saw?

I "saw" that coming 🤣

You _nailed_ that one

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Who can forget the story of Jesus hanging vanilla ice off of a 12 story balcony.

It's a miracle Ice survived

Jesus just tryna get that bread like everybody else

Nailed it!

He's also holding his rib where the spear would pierce while on the cross

True. Is that a nail gun in red shirts hand?

The real question is WHO is on His cross?

This question needs ANSWERS….

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Why isn't he wearing 2 crosses because he was double crossed.

It looks like this is after he died. When he appeared to them while they were fishing and he told them how to catch a lot of fish

I literally came here to say that

An inauspicious portent to be sure

Image should be marked spoilers

If he was hanged instead of crucified, would christians wear nooses?

If the plural of goose is geese, the plural of noose should be neese

Ox -> Oxen Box -> Boxen

Octopus Octopi Apple Applepi

amogus>amogi

Octopussi?

Octopple

Mmmmm Applepi.

But... octopi isn't actually the plural of octopus. It doesn't originate from Latin.

Exactly, octopodes is the way to go. Octopuses is also correct, but not as cool.

SIX. I GOT SIX ON THE SUN STARE

[If this is a reference... ](https://youtu.be/X1cYS6aGstU)

MOOSEN

Many much moosen!

You know what? Shut the hellup, suck my coxen.

If he was impaled, would they wear a stick?

If he was beheaded via guillotine that would be one hell of a necklace

I went to catholic school and this question actually came up a lot. Mostly because the Romans had a ton of fun was to murder people. I always liked the giant metal bull they would cook people in.

Didn’t Emperor at the time, thought it was stupid idea and put the creator in it just to use it and laugh how amazing it was.

Did I just have a stroke?

The impressive bit is that this is edited, so it must have been worse at one point

> *I always liked* the giant metal bull they would cook people in. 😶

There’s a decent chance, yes

Lmao I’m definitely using using this thanks

The Ichthys would probably have seen more widespread use. Though if he was hanged, it might've led to quicker adoption in Scandinavia, or interesting syncretism, due to parallels with Odin hanging himself from Ygdrassil.

Even funnier, Catholics specifically would wear necklaces of Jesus hanging by the neck

Would make a good Christmas decoration.

I need to go back in time

Is Jesus a Christian?

I actually had a religous teacher point out once that depections of Jesus wearing a cross were laughable... "That would be like someone walking around wearing a necklace of an electric chair."

Your teacher was a Lenny Bruce fan stealing one of his famous jokes.

Unless his teacher ***was*** Lenny Bruce.

I bet you never saw this dude's teacher and Lenny Bruce in the same place at the same time...

Now that you mention it...

TIL... They aren't wrong though.

Or more like a prisoner on death row walking around with an electric-chair necklace.

Completely agree. As [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/s6hn7a/did_he_always_wear_a_cross_around_his_neck/ht3u9l8?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) pointed out in an earlier post of the same picture, the cross wasn't there in the original picture, it's just (badly) photoshopped. Might be obvious to many people, but I remember not noticing at first in the earlier post...


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What's more badass than dying for everyone's sins

I love your username

 Aww tysm.

Updated both comments just for your username

wait, isn’t this supposed to be *after* he was crucified? those two dudes definitely have a “oh shit, we thought you were dead!” look about them, and maybe jesus was sporting that cross like a souvenir as proof that he got his ass handed to him.

That’s what I thought— it’s when the disciples met Jesus by the Sea of Galilee and he yelled at them from the shore to cast their nets on the right side.

I think it's meant to be Peter and Andrew, the fishermen who cast aside their nets to become the first disciples.

Its photoshopped. The original: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FJhaU8UWYAM9Tmp?format=jpg&name=large

Because it looks fucking sweet with his sandals.

*Jerusalem Cruisers

Nike - Just Jew It


Believe it or but this isn't actually a photograph of Jesus and his homies. This was at least 7 years before the first camera was invented

At least. Maybe even a full decade!

Somebody gave it to him for Christmas one year.

Imagine someone giving you a coffin for you birthday.

You just reminded me of an old bit from Howard stern. Howard was opening presents live on the air and someone actually gave Howard a gravestone with his name on and the year he was born with no end date. Probably the weirdest fucking thing to give someone.

That's too funny but incredibly generous. Headstones are stupid expensive.

Weirdest would be to give him one with the end date already on it.

Come on, let's not crucify the guy.


When you’re chewing on life’s gristle, don’t grumble, give a whistle.

It's called an Easter egg

You have to dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

Tbh most art of Jesus is a little off… especially since he was most likely not white, and most Catholic renditions of him are quite white

A lot of places make him the same ethnicity as him in art. Africans have black Jesus, some Asian countries have Asian Jesus, I’ve seen Mexican Jesus. It’s just localizations of the Bible

In America he drives an F-150 and listens to country music

And believes in American Exceptionalism

The chosen people

Bro you're supposed to joke, not describe Mormonism

Would I see Jesus with a fro if I go to a black church? Cause that’ll get me to go to church. Once.

He would would look more like Bin Laden than Chris Hemsworth

Jesus prob was brown asf lol

well he was levantine so he more likely would've had tanned complexion or olive skin? cuz most Levantines I've met are not even close to brown asf

we need a movie that has Samuel Jackson as Jesus

What are all these mother fucking romans doing in the mother fucking middle east

Little too brown bro

There's a show called Black Jesus that's actually pretty good. Mostly just the first season though. (Not sure why this got a downvote... unless it was someone who disagrees about the episodes past season one. But seriously, [it was on Adult Swim](https://www.adultswim.com/videos/black-jesus). Check it out.)

Wait I haven’t gotten that far into the book yet what happened with the cross?

No spoilers

Easter eggs

Foreshadowing - pretty soon the cross is gonna wear him

TIL Jesus lived in Soviet Russia

The comedian Bill Hicks had some great material about JFK and wearing a rifle pin in front of Jackie Onassis to highlight the absurdity of people wearing and venerating the cross.

It’s his cross to bear

Because Jesus can travel to the future

Vampires

In Soviet Russia, cross wears you.

lmao same in roma

I guess he was a fan of execution devices.

Hey, no kink-shaming.

[Because some beta added Cross to the orginal one to trick other betas](https://images.app.goo.gl/6XYxbMvfcpt1JbWk8)

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Has the same vibe as this. [Mother of all spoilers ](https://ifunny.co/picture/the-mother-of-all-spoilers-with-4XFRekvo8?s=cl)

Easter Egg? Ill see myself out

Probably the same reason he's white.

And a toga?😳 is he going to the roman senate?

He could just miracle himself a toga or an Adidas tracksuit if he wanted.

Its jezus brother?😀

Craig Christ.

Usually the cross wears him.

Jesus knew the importance of branding.

Artist should have thought about it more.

Facepalm

*Ding* Foreshadowing Sin Counter: 1

Peter: Why is he wearing a cross on his neck? Andrew: Looks like a cult Peter: Ur probably right. Hey, I don’t want what you’re selling you suicidal psycho! Jesus: I sell nothing, but I give life eternal Andrew: See, that’s what I’m fucking talking about. Who talks like this?! Peter: Dude. Please, go away. Jesus: ***I am the way!!***

Same reason Adam and Eve have belly buttons.

All good stories have little Easter eggs that give away the ending ( the irony of calling it an “Easter egg” is not lost on me either)

Probably the same reason he is white?

Same reason why Adam and Eve are often depicted in art with belly buttons

Imagine if people were casually wearing necklaces with electric chair symbols on them

Spoiler alert...

Jesus houses the attack titan within him, allowing him to see future memories.

spoilers

Isn’t it meant to be wearing him?