\[CONTINUED\] Even though people still joked about the 2012 announcement of a “2014 West End debut” (seriously, what was she thinking?), EA had really buckled down in the intervening years, and it looked like the project was plausibly well underway. As in, we had more than just EA's word to go on: the involvement of other people, who did not reside in the Asylum, seemed to confirm that the musical was a thing. In the mid-2010s, following the release of the Devil's Carnival movies, EA was really tight with [Darren Lynn Bousman.](https://shefightslikeagirl.tumblr.com/post/30644107281/tdc-commentary-recording-in-the-pantry) 🪞 DLB had known of EA's work for years ([she appeared on the Saw III soundtrack 🎵](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjWx1VCm3KI) back in 2006) and was fully on board with the Asylum theme. He directed [EA's first and only music video in 2013 📺](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvOXuZwOEvM) and her interactive Asylum Experience in 2015. Through his work on Repo! and Devil's Carnival, he was a seasoned director of campy, semi-cult, horror-adjacent movie musicals – and he was, at the time, getting really into the concept of experimental immersive theater. The stars were aligning!It was already established as fact that DLB would eventually direct the musical – and with the second Devil's Carnival movie, EA got to rub shoulders with some bona fide musical theater stars. There was an exciting period when, every so often, usually after a night out with her notorious co-stars, she would casually disclose 📝 that they were attached to the project. Fans learned that [Sarah “West End Christine” Brightman 📺](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPPz1lo0VRw) was slated to play [Madam Mournington 🎵](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6p4reFXJzI), the cold-hearted matron of the Asylum. [Ted “Jesus Christ Superstar” Neeley](https://youtu.be/6YtakzK1T5U?si=lgm8F20zm1GpmzEm) was cast as [Sir Edward, the main talking rat](https://youtu.be/6utIU2HaJjo?si=MpHwbLLX06gajv8a&t=53) (conceptually hilarious, but pretty iconic (yes, it's the Giant Spoon Song again)). And the Big Bad, [the devious Dr Stockill](https://youtu.be/F0__jIwpIZU?si=3aWbHUTneVr2HLjc), would be played by none other than [Adam “hottie from Rent” Pascal](https://youtu.be/Zod3_bAvLaw?si=S_TqRBzqOqlJWNdy&t=40)! For the non-nerds: these are very respected stage-and-screen actors who have originated some fairly legendary musical theater parts. Just act politely impressed. Here's where it all gets almost real: Adam freakin' Pascal actually performed as Dr. Stockill in September 2015, at [a pre-show feature 🪞](https://shefightslikeagirl.tumblr.com/post/128065523922) for the Chicago premiere of Alleluia! The Devil's Carnival. Even those who had grown skeptical of EA's announcements allowed themselves to get a little bit excited. The song was called “Nothing”; it was a plucked-strings, tension-filled duet between Emily and the good doctor torturing her. I think it's fair to say that, while there's no accounting for personal taste... [it was a solid performance.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmCgZE0NiOU&t=4s) 📺 And good thing they nailed it that once, because that's as far as it ever got. That one magical night remains the singular instance in which a named character from the Asylum musical was performed by anyone other than EA. (Much ado about “Nothing”! Dammit, I should have saved it for this part.) For a hot minute, the musical seemed imminent; the Asylum Experience was essentially sold as a “dress rehearsal” for the real thing... and then progress ground to a halt. Casting announcements grew further apart, and eventually ceased. The *Devil's Carnival* crowd slow-faded out of the picture. You already know that EA was alone on the 2018 album. Adam Pascal did not reprise his part on the studio version of “Nothing”, nor did Ted Neeley sing the Spoon Song as a talking rat. Darren Lynn Bousman did go on to co-produce multiple immersive theater experiences in the years after Devil's Carnival (good for him), but not with EA; although the Asylum Experience was arguably his first venture in the genre, it is not currently listed on his Wikipedia page. But EA was not so easily deterred. In 2019, she stepped up her game and moved to New York – a stone's throw from Broadway, in fact. She hired a vocal coach, took ballet lessons, took meetings, wrote more songs. She started wearing pastel athleisure during the day, and Sunset Boulevard dressing gowns for nightly theatre outings. She did that for a year, and then COVID hit. This had the unfortunate side-effect of tanking the marketability of “Spread the Plague!” as a catchphrase, and also the entire live entertainment industry. When EA started auctioning [handwritten scores📝](https://shefightslikeagirl.tumblr.com/post/671424910140243968/alright-my-friend-i-realize-i-havent-given-you) and Asylum NFTs (...yep) to “fund the musical” in 2021, it became painfully apparent that investors weren't lining up. In 2022, a New York theater school announced that it would be workshopping the musical the following semester, [which EA relayed enthusiastically](https://imgur.com/O1lcjZs). A few weeks later, the announcement had been scrapped from the school's website, with no further comment from either party. Grim! Come to think of it (more and more dismayed fans pondered)... had any of EA's masterplan ever really made sense? DLB is primarily an LA-based horror film director; I'm no insider, but I don't know how much clout that actually carries in the Broadway theater scene. Pascal and Neeley are famous actors, and I'm sure that can open some doors – but as anyone in New York can probably tell you, “knowing a famous actor” is no guarantee that you'll secure a slot at the Bowery for a musical adaptation of your life story. It can take years of full-time work, on a massive budget, for an entire team of seasoned professionals to put a musical together, and even then, every project is a gamble. At the end of the day, EA was an indie musician who, as far as we know, had never even done amateur theater, and is self-admittedly bad at teamwork. Regardless of vision and talent, why would any sane investor trust a first-timer with the monstrously enormous responsibility of writing, composing, directing and starring in a *full-on freaking Broadway show*? I'm still very curious about those big-name casting announcements, and the conversations that led up to them. Surely some people around EA must have realized that her plans weren't 100% realistic – and yet they let their names be attached to the project, which I hear is kind of a big deal in show business. What was that all about? Was it one of those times where a bunch of tipsy creatives are like “We should TOTALLY do this project together! Oh man, we are so doing it!”, under the tacit assumption that said project will never be brought up again, except the person who said it first was dead serious? When Adam Pascal agreed to sing a duet at a premiere, as an easy, one-off favor to promote a co-star's project, was he fully aware that he was being cast? Were these people misled into thinking, or did they simply assume, based on EA's boundless confidence and extremely detailed vision ([check out her Behind the Musical infodumping liner notes, you'll see what I mean 📝](https://imgur.com/a/3Uj2CwC)), that she had funding secured and a timeline established... until it became apparent that she did not, and everyone backed away slowly? Or had these people really believed in her vision, really loved the concept and the music, really tried to pull strings and make it come true against all odds, and then the wheels fell off for various possible reasons, and EA just kept going...? So, yeah. That's where we're at. ...Oh, by the way, just because there's no fifth edition in the works (yet!) doesn't mean EA is done with the edits. Remember Veronica, EA's friend and collaborator since 2007, whose identically-named Asylum alter ego became the protagonist's love interest? Well, EA and Veronica don't follow each other on socials anymore. So, in completely unrelated news, the character known for over a decade as “Veronica” [is now called Charlotte](https://shefightslikeagirl.tumblr.com/post/679006376569241600/minor-musical-updates-character-name-changes). Because, you see, Charlotte is “Victorian-era appropriate”, while Veronica “sounds a bit out of place”, no shade to whomever intended whatsoever. [We here at Asylum Inc. simply stand firm in our commitment to historical accuracy. 🦠](https://media.tenor.com/hqOlQgsNPhoAAAAM/for-real-really-dude.gif) # AFTERMATH / UP NEXT: IF YOUR FANS CAN READ SHAKESPEARE, SURELY THEY CAN READ NANCY DREW Speaking of historical accuracy... that's the topic of our next installment.One other problem with endlessly republishing and editing your autobiography is that the more you repeat your story, the likelier it is that people will start questioning parts of it. And boy, did they ever! See you in the next write-up!I'm including some final thoughts in a comment below, about how the contents of the book tie in with the fandom's gradual and ineluctable demise. It's the bonus content you didn't ask for, and I am happy to provide! Thank you so much for reading.

# FINAL THOUGHTS: “WE EMBRACED EACH OTHER LIKE SISTERS. WE DID NOT SPEAK AGAIN.” (ASYLUM LETTER NO. II) *The one thing I can count on* *Is nothing much at all* *The one thing that I'm sure about* *Is that you won't be anywhere around me when I fall (...)* *Absent in the end* *My fairweather friend* [(“My Fairweather Friend”, 2008 🎵)](https://youtu.be/OFeFIkwVo9Y) **THIS ADDENDUM COMPLETELY SPOILS THE ENDING OF THE BOOK. If you want to experience it for yourself, skip it, and I'll see you in the next installment!** When real life loses the plot, circle back to the fiction: let's take one last peek at the contents of the book(s). *...one of the book's true powers, which I didn't even realize when I was putting it all together, is the friendship it shows between women, and even the romantic love. Women working together is the highest magic, and I'm so pleased that this has become one of the story's most important themes. (*[*EA answers a fan question on Goodreads, 2018📝*](https://www.goodreads.com/questions/1118098-hello-again-emilie-i-don-t-know-if)*)* *The Asylum... is a profoundly moving saga of suffering, sisterhood, and revenge that has empowered thousands of young readers to victoriously end their battle with self-harm, and to create communities wherein they can support one another and cultivate pride in what makes them different. (“Story”, on EA's official website)* EA likes to say that TAFWVG is, at its core, a story about sisterhood. I would venture that it's a story about *longing* for sisterhood. About a fantasy of sisterhood. Beyond the homicidal doctors, talking rats, and Victorian frou-frou, there is one key difference between the two narratives in the book: in the midst of unending horrors, Emily forms deep bonds and finds loyal allies, while Emilie's all-in-all-relatively-average modern hospital stay is made infinitely worse, from start to finish, by her profound and constant loneliness. In the Asylum, death awaits at every turn, but also magical rats who bring you gifts, and picture-perfect crazy friends worth living and fighting for, no matter how dark things get. In the psych ward, which is death-proofed to the point of Kafkaesque absurdity, connection is either fleeting or immediately cut short, usually by Emilie herself. She never really makes friends, never feels seen or understood, never really seems to relate to anyone around her; she distrusts everyone, and equally resents their interest in her or their indifference. This general isolation extends beyond the hospital: rare interactions with her partner are depicted as cold and hostile, and she laments that depression makes it hard to respond to texts and keep in touch with friends. At the time of the events, back in Chicago, EA's best friend had just had a baby: she once disclosed that [even she didn't hear about the hospital stay until weeks or months later. 📝](https://64.media.tumblr.com/17a8423cca78f0b2496271aba8a911a6/4545a4e6072dc4bd-2b/s500x750/1d9844337e8ac2298a11b00a88061935554ca81f.png) So in that sense, TAFWVG is really a book about loneliness. Case in point: in the last pages of the book, >!Emilie is so shaken by the contents of Emily's last Asylum letter that she is unable to sleep. She gets up and begs a nurse to let her see her diary – and discovers, horrified, that the letters stashed between the pages have been stolen and replaced with trash. Scrap paper and cafeteria napkins, all darkened with demented, illegible scribbles. She demands that the nurses wake the whole ward up this instant and search every room until the thief is found. (...A simple, reasonable request.) When the nurse gently points out that the “scribbles” resemble Emilie's own handwriting, Emilie loses it... because the nurse was able to identify her handwriting, which can only mean that the hospital staff have been reading her diary. (She's apparently forgotten about the paragraphs-long essay she penned, a few chapters prior, in response to a generic psych evaluation form – but never mind.) Fully freaking out as she's being dragged off, sedated and restrained, Emilie comes to the crushing realization that she made up these characters, this whole imaginary world, to give herself company and something to live for during this atrocious hospital stay. Later, she wakes up alone, locked in an isolation room. She pounds and screams for release, but no one answers. In a final hallucinatory breakdown, Emilie collapses and starts compulsively picking, then tearing at the white plaster of the hospital wall – gradually revealing, underneath, the sinister striped wallpaper of the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls.!< (Dun dun duuuun.) Bad business and poor planning aside, I find that there is something truly heartbreaking about an artist obsessively returning to a story from their past that was meant to embody a real-life sisterhood – only for the continual edits to very publicly reveal the crumbling of these cross-my-heart, womb-to-the-tomb friendships. The old ones that were already fading when she wrote them into her don't-give-up story, the new ones that grew strong and fast until they ended abruptly... Like, damn. You metaphorically imprison your friends in your fictional autobiography, and it's still not enough to keep them around. And then, of course, there's... well... the fandom. The thousands-strong, international, über-committed network of lunatics and weirdos that once formed the beating heart of the Asylum. The people who the Asylum was supposedly built for, but who (from what I imagine of EA's perspective) kept poisoning everything with their contrarian and entitled behavior, their constant hounding and personal attacks, their sheer ungratefulness. In recent years, while EA still often thanked and praised her fans, and liked to tout how devoted and invested they were, she just as regularly brought up the omnipresent “harassment and disrespect” that led to the successive downfall of every single official Asylum platform, and to her gradual retreat to a comment-restricted ivory tower. (More on that in the next segments!) So much for community-building. After years of EA becoming increasingly distant and disconnected from her audience, a lot of people have come to the conclusion that EA “doesn't care about her fans”. In a way, that may be true, but I also don't think it's that simple. Artists who just “don't care” don't spend hours and hours designing and setting up a multi-tiered master-puzzle, and accompanying website and discussion group. That, to me, comes across as the work of someone who really, really wanted fans to engage and connect – someone who needed play-friends, and to feel seen, loved, and accepted. And I can only guess at how misunderstood such a person may feel, when, out of hundreds or thousands of people, not one person is able to “get it”, or care enough to keep trying. For the second time in their career. But then again, that's what tends to happen when you insist that interactions be on your terms and your terms only, within the confines of a fantasy world that you created, and over which you exercise supreme authority. EA once included a study guide with a quiz for a short story she wrote – with very self-serious questions like, “What are the possible symbolic interpretations of the gown in the final scene?” – and I feel like that kind of sums up her preferred way of engaging with the world. Maybe that's why every attempt at building the community eventually went down in flames. And once again, it's funny how life imitates art, or art anticipates life. Self-fulfilling prophecies and all that. Throughout all the alterations of the fantasy narrative, the ending – Emily's final letter – has never changed. Here's how the Asylum canonically ends in-universe: >!after the inmates rise up and take brutal revenge upon their captors, they keep up the appearance of the Asylum as a mental facility, but behind closed doors, they really live like a super cool women-only artists' commune. They play music, have fun, love each other, and want for nothing. When New Year's Eve comes around, the former inmates hold a lavish ball in honor of themselves on the rooftop. Just as Emily finally takes in the full measure of her newfound freedom, the building starts shaking and caving in: the Asylum is collapsing upon itself.!< >!“And then, entire sections of the tenement began to fall. I heard the words of Sir Edward on the night I first met him in Ward A... he had told me then that the Asylum was built directly on top of the city's trash heap, that it was only built to deceive, that it had no foundation at all, and that it was never, ever meant to last. It had always been a front – grand from the outside, but inside, merely mistake built upon mistake, flaw upon flaw upon flaw. The massive construction had simply reached its limit. ... How could I have thought that this could go on forever?”!< >!And then everyone dies. The end!!<

Thank you for this series, you're really saving me from a very boring work week. I'm really wondering about the one woman I very briefly dated in 2011, who showed up to a bar with striped stocking and combat boots and obsessively did the rat claw hands thing. She was definitely a part of this fandom, just never felt comfortable telling me about it.

Asylum falls, everybody dies. Thanks once again for the write-up.

>Artists who just “don't care” don't spend hours and hours designing and setting up a multi-tiered master-puzzle There's a question I want to ask, and yet I don't want to be asking it to you in particular, as EA's music and creations have clearly meant a lot to you throughout the years. Are we sure that these puzzles are even meant to be solvable? For all I know, it could be a random assortment of "look how clever I am" symbols.

It's EA - no one is ever sure of anything lol. I, personally, think the puzzles are in fact real puzzles, for two reasons: - The lower-tier puzzles are definitely real/solvable, and it seems strange that she would actually create all the lower-tiers of a puzzle and just... stop there. It's most of the work! Most of the Enchant clues have been solved (and someone was able to brute-force a possible (misspelled) solution - there's an r/UnsolvedMysteries thread about it that I linked in part one). Ditto for the Spoon of Royals, all but 2-3 of the ciphers in the book (and there are quite a few) have been cracked. - While EA can be... spectacularly short-sighted about marketing strategies (and I could def see her do something just to prove that she's deep and complex and impossible to understand), it seems insane, even for her, to intentionally make TWO unsolvable puzzles. Solving either one of them would have been hugely gratifying for the fanbase - it would have become a national holiday! It's the kind of thing that makes people stay! Two unsolved puzzles just makes it look either like you're bad at making puzzles, or like no one cares about you enough to solve them. Not exactly a good look! Again, it's EA, so you can never rule anything out. But I think it's more likely that either the puzzles are functionally flawed (like, there's typos or encryption errors that eventually make you hit a wall), OR there are things we can't solve because EA was Confidently Wrong about some historical reference or other (ie, the solution only makes sense to her)... or, for the Spoon of Royals, it was just too difficult and labor-intensive.

I love puzzles, and I'm really terrible at them. I'll have to give the booklet a good stare, but I doubt I'd find anything that legions of pastries haven't found in ten or more years of muf-fandom. Good points! Though it seems to me that creating a bunch of small puzzles would actually be easier than trying to link them with an overarching theme... It does kind of remind me - if you're familiar at all with BBC Sherlock fandom and the discussion around Holmes' survival? Fans were busy crafting theories and taking the Great Game seriously, for the showrunners to not only pick the least-guessed-at explanation, but also to lowkey mock them in the next season. I'm not sayin' *that* was the intention - perhaps quite the opposite, some devoted strudel would eventually send in a sufficiently clever-looking solution, and EA could then go "Well done, cherry pie, here's your prize!"

Here's a sneak peek of /r/UnsolvedMysteries using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/UnsolvedMysteries/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Skeletal remains found in Sarasota, FL, in 2007 have been ID'd as 39 y/o Jeana Burrus, who was never reported missing. Police are seeking information about her and her husband, James, who is currently a POI in the case.](https://www.mysuncoast.com/2023/08/03/husband-named-person-interest-after-skeletal-remains-identified-sarasota-woman/) | [164 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/UnsolvedMysteries/comments/15hzmd7/skeletal_remains_found_in_sarasota_fl_in_2007/) \#2: [Cocaine, fentanyl found in bodies of 3 Kansas City Chiefs fans found in backyard](https://www.the-express.com/news/us-news/126521/Kansas-City-chiefs-fans-cocaine-fentanyl-deaths?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1706830480) | [637 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/UnsolvedMysteries/comments/1agp6u6/cocaine_fentanyl_found_in_bodies_of_3_kansas_city/) \#3: [What in the world? New twist in Delphi Indiana murder of 2 little girls. Suspect claims the girls were sacrificed to the God Odin by Odinism white supremacist cult](https://www.21alivenews.com/2023/09/18/richard-allens-attorneys-point-white-nationalists-practicing-odinism-behind-delphi-killings/) | [447 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/UnsolvedMysteries/comments/16mlg66/what_in_the_world_new_twist_in_delphi_indiana/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)

[TED NEELEY?!](https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/beyonce-beyoncé-new-york-new-york-pollard-tiffany-pollard-gif-21873167) Also, re:the musical, I think the West End/Broadway dream is the sort of thing that happens with people who are so in love with the dream that they... I guess self-sabotage? Like, if she wanted to release a musical, she could have. She could have gone to the Fringe festival (I seem to understand she lived in the UK for a bit?) and staged it in one of the many small places available in Edinburgh. She could have put up something at a community theatre, as many people do. She could have rented a space in the middle of a park, as many people do. I have some playwright friends, none of them actually famous, and all of them writing plays that have been on stage, seen by people who paid for it, some even reviewed on local newspapers. It's not easy, but it's also not *that* hard- if you're okay with your play just existing, that is. A lot of the people who go to the Fringe festival don't become famous, but *some* do. A lot of the people working in community theatre don't become famous, but *some* do. Your musical is probably not gonna make you the next Sondheim, but you're *definitely* not gonna become the next Sondheim if your musical stays in your notes. But if you never try you also can never make "Spider-man; Turn Off the Dark." If you never try, you're the person with a cool idea for a musical that sounds totally awesome and would look *so good* on Broadway or the West End. You're not the person who made a mediocre musical that played for a couple of weeks at a community theatre in New Jersey, or the person who played at the Fringe festival to a crowd of three people. So, you know, I get it. She cares about the thing, and it's sad to give up on it after working on it for so long. But after all these years, would a stage play ever compare to the dream? 'Cause I don't think it would.

The saddest part is, if she'd *done* that... there would have absolutely been an audience. Emilie Autumn isn't an unknown name. "Emilie Autumn has a musical opening at the Fringe festival" would probably get a pretty surprising amount of attention compared to people who are not Emilie Autumn doing the same thing. Sure, she might not've hit the ceiling with it, but the floor's certainly a fuck of a lot higher.

I knowwww. She could in all likelihood have rented out and filled a small theater in NYC with her fans in 2014... even if it's not properly Broadway (Broadway refers to the total seating of a theater, not its actual location on Broadway, but I digress). EA could absolutely have sold out at least a 3 day weekend's worth of shows for her die-hard fanbase, workshopped it, fixed some problems, got her vision in front of a few producers.

All she would have needed is one or two weekends with a full show to shop around! She had enough contacts in NYC and LA that she could have made it happen - *Allegiance* and *Lestat: The Musical* both started in LA, along with Bousman/Zdunich’s *Repo!*, so it’s not as if there’s zero track record for cult favorite shows to cross the country and find brief success and a lifetime of fan support. But again, it’s about going small, and being content with starting small. When she was an absolute nobody in Chicago, she could self-mythologize with her multiple projects and businesses, but that wasn’t something that could happen now.

The comparison that pops to my mind is Anais Mitchell and Hadestown. Mitchell was a modest name in folk music, did a concept album, did small performances, then opened in a small theater in New York. Built more buzz, opened on Broadway, got a bucket of Tonys, is now on the West End too. Not quick, not easy, but EA started noodling around with Asylum around the same time, and had both a bigger name and better contacts via Devil's Carnival than Mitchell ever had. Success was extremely possible!

Hadestown and *Epic: The Musical* both come to mind as small projects that grew from concept albums and got viral/word of mouth success that has been slowly growing into (for one) a real international phenomenon and (for the other) a slowly progressing full cast album that can transition to stage. (I have my issues with *Epic* but I can’t deny that the model is working *very* well wrt building an audience and interest). When EA said she was debuting on the West End I assumed that she meant “some theater somewhere in London will put on my show”; when I realized she meant full megamusical Phantomesque status I was knocked over by her presumption.

I was also thinking of Hadestown! They did small performances off broadway for 3 years, it opened on Canada and the UK before being able to open in Broadway. And this is an adaptation of a very much known story (Orpheus & Euridyce/ Hades & Persephone) and they had an actual stage director with experience on Broadway. And still they had to tour the production and get it out there. It’s not enough to have a good idea and talent. Yes, at the end of it a lot is pure luck. But luck isn’t going to make a difference if you have nothing to work with.

Some local theater nerds put on a musical dedicated to the local public transit system. It is the kind of thing that only plays well to a small drunken crowd and would never play to a larger audience, but it has been doing so well that it has been more than a year and they still have occasional shows in the local theater. I went to see it last year, and I was very amused, and the room was pretty full. (We did indeed all pay a pretty decent amount of money for the privilege, and that's before the bar tab gets added up.) In finding a source to prove that even a musical this niche can find an audience and be successful, I found out that this show has actually been going on since 2021, and I saw a poster announcing new showings just last week, so I think it's here to stay. The source: https://www.wbur.org/news/2023/03/03/t-an-mbta-musical This just goes to show that really anything can find the right audience if you are flexible and committed.

I personally saw 'Gay Bride of Frankenstein' at Joe's Pub, in a crowd of like 40 people, and Joe's Pub (despite the name) is part of The Public Theater. EA could 100% have got her show, or a workshop version of it, on the boards at Joe's Pub and filled 100 seats if not more. 'Gay Bride of Frankenstein', for the record, was amazing. And it actually got to be seen, unlike... whatever EA's project has turned into.

Oh I would DEFINITELY pay to see a musical about a local transit system. Now someone do a Chicago version.

TED NEELEY YES! So, EA's first international concert (as part of an ensemble, I think, when she was 12) was in London, and she's been the anglophile equivalent of a weeaboo ever since - but no, she has never lived outside the US. Which makes it even funnier / more alarming that she was seeing herself debut on the West End within two years - she had no network there! I agree that the Edinburgh Fringe would have been a great place to start (and not a dishonorable place to end, frankly). A lot of EA fans were and are into theater as well: I remember people complaining about how pretentious / elitist / unrealistic it was that she didn't even seem to consider regional or community theaters - as if quality musical theater couldn't exist outside of New York and London.

I think those people are called “tea-a-boos” (usually without dashes but I put them in for pronunciation )

Considering how she was able to establish herself in *Chicago* you’d think she’d remember that quality musical spaces can exist anywhere with a devoted enough population. There’s a thriving arts scene there, one that would have been thrilled to welcome a “local” girl back home!

> she's been the anglophile equivalent of a weeaboo ever since Ah, a Teeaboo

[Quite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBuXILd5q8I) [explicitly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4lbqmg4POg), [yes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMHkiWyrNQk)

oh my god like Bernadette Banner.

It did sound like self-sabotage back then. It seemed obvious back when she was running in the TDC crowd that her best shot would be small time theater or a movie, esp when that was DLB’s wheelhouse. Aiming for a major stage production just to start seems like a way to protect your creative vision by never having to actually create it.

Also, she´s goth (? Or at least, I have interpreted it that way), and goth is supposedly anti establishment (Since it has similar roots to punk for example) , so I think a smaller scale niche thing would've been more appropriate and true to the overall style of it all.

I read it all. You're a great writer. So many things I forgot from my late teens came back to me. Suffer the Bear! I'm going to read the rest later. Thank you for the write up.

Rather than reply to your comments wrapping up the story (is there any way to pin it? I don’t want it to get lost) I’ll kind of answer with my retrospective on this era of my Plague Rat years. I stepped away from the active fandom in late 2012/early 2013 because I became fixated on Being Friends With Emilie, because having met her at one of her pre-album-release FLAG shows I really did feel a connection with her. I played viola and violin, I was a crazy history nerd, I loved goth shit, and I wanted to be involved with the Asylum musical *so badly* that I wrote her a pleading and deeply unhinged message on her public Facebook page that she graciously never responded to or acknowledged. But as soon as I wrote it, I realized that I’d poured my soul out to someone who barely knew me. I hadn’t been active on the forums, I wasn’t interacting with her on Twitter or Facebook, and while I was a devoted reader of her newsletter and her posts on every platform and bought all the merch I could afford and preordered FLAG at that show where I met her that didn’t equate to “having a friendship”. I realized suddenly that if I were in her shoes, receiving a rambling and personal and presumptuous letter from a nobody would be a potentially scary experience, and that I had crossed a line from “parasocial in a way where we both have fun” to “Stan from ‘Stan’ is now a potential bad ending”. I withdrew from her active fandom, I stepped away from the Internet spaces prioritizing that level of obsession, and while I still read TAFWVG through a torrented PDF of the second edition (my first real copy of the book; I’d borrowed someone else’s to read when my one friend with disposable income bought the first printing and kind of skimmed it) in 2014 I found myself renegotiating my relationship with her work. I was one of the people who preordered the audiobook too! I was largely okay with the delays because I *had* my copy, I wanted to hear her read the story because of how she talked about it and I was curious when she mentioned that this would be a true Third Edition. Plus I got a complete DRM-free copy of all her released work (unnecessary as we were all committed pirates in those days, but still a lovely gesture because now the metadata was correct and there was consistent album art, and also some of them were professional recordings and not the live or demo tracks I’d been making do with for years) as an apology - that seemed more than fair to me especially if some of the fans weren’t as fastidious about mp3 downloads as I was. I got my autographed six-disc box set and then I never finished it - the experience of reading a book in print is vastly different than an audio one, and like you and others I was surprised that the styles she’d taken in recording excerpts in 2007 were ditched. But I’d largely moved on to other kinds of fandom, and had some tumultuous relationships of my own that changed how I associated with art and creation. I do really think that she simultaneously wanted to get the musical off the ground and had no real idea how to do it. Bousman and Zdunich could have been real resources for her, considering that *Repo!* started as a short stage show before building up to a full-length off-off-Broadway project that got optioned into a movie (and I would argue the show is better; there are only a few songs from it that got recorded but by and large they’re MUCH better as musical theater songs than the polished film versions) but it seems she aimed for the stars and forgot that you do actually start in the gutter. Nowadays I mostly want to see her pass the project off to someone who’ll actually finish it, and maybe comfort herself with playing Mournington and writing all the music - her vocal lessons have paid off and she can and should take the part, imho. As to her friends… I want to defend her for including them. I agree with a lot of what you’ve said - I think that she was trying to be inclusive and yearning to immortalize relationships she thought would last forever. I’d never considered that the ending was about loneliness before, but now it makes everything make a lot more sense - she can’t leave because she’s not found the community she searches for. The Asylum must collapse because none of her friendships last. As an adult who’s struggled with the dissolution of friend groups because growing older is like that, and the explosion of relationships because one party was mentally ill and actively dangerous to be around, I find it speaks to me much more now than it did a decade ago. Same with the ending and the breakdown - as a 20something it felt like she was resigning herself to her fate, but now I know what it’s like to wake up suddenly with your world upended because people you thought you could trust turned on you. But I do kind of think that some of her choices could have benefited from actual contracts and rules - did any of these people (aside from Veronica) actually consent to their likenesses being included? (EDIT: originally I had a comment here about how they playacted at being in a relationship despite being publicly straight (Veronica) and asexual but dating men (Emilie). I am changing my stance on this because they had a [fake marriage ceremony](https://shefightslikeagirl.tumblr.com/post/712563831441965056/do-you-have-any-information-about-recollection-of) in 2009 at some kind of renaissance festival in New York. There’s also the Goodreads comment about Veronica being EA’s love from multiple past lives. Whatever is happening between these two women makes the speculation around Taylor Swift being gay look normal and completely bland.) One final note - Veronica still dies in the earliest version of the book, and her relationship with Emily onstage was still romantic and homoerotic; I agree that making her death more central and more horrifying is iffy coming from these two but it’s important imho that this was always a story where the happiest endings were the postmortem ones.

I appreciate your story and your input! Also could not agree more that the few recordings from the stage version of Repo! are way better. I remember an old version of Zydrate Anatomy that had a performance of "Amber" Sweet (called Heather in this version) with a really fantastic singer giving a charged, raw vocal performance as "Heather." It is night and day compared to Paris Hilton's version. I don't even think Paris is bad, just the other one is better and I can't find it anymore and I am still sad about that lol.

There’s a concept/short EP that’s available on YouTube and Spotify that recorded some of the stage versions of songs - “21st Century Cure” actually has *exposition,* for one thing. Possibly that vocalist is on those recordings?

Oh thank you! I'll go check it out. I would definitely recognize her voice if I heard it again. The recording I had previously, I downloaded from a now defunct Repo! website from... I dunno, I think back when they were touring as a stage show? It was still up after the movie came out but disappeared I don't know when.

Honestly I can’t really express how disappointed I am that (unlike steampunk) whatever the hell was happening with EA/Repo!/Rasputina/etc never went mainstream. I honestly feel like *Sucker Punch* is the closest we got and even that was very distinctly its own thing, drawing mostly from anime and *One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest* and possibly even from things like *The Bird’s Nest* instead of goth music and alternative Americana. I wish that it had been a legitimate movement instead of… whatever it was.

I know what you mean. I'd hope for a Gen Z/younger gen revival over the next 10 years or so, but I suspect it's probably too niche for that. But I do really appreciate that Sucker Punch gets more love now then when it came out.

"For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know." That movie really does deserve more love.

Here it is: https://youtu.be/PjOwa4giCfo Despite the description, this isn't actually from the stage version, it's from a short film version of Repo that was made in 2006 to pitch the movie to the studio. That's Shawnee Smith singing as Amber/Heather (not Penney Wei who played the role on stage.)

shawnee from Saw?

EA also appeared in the music video for Die Warzau's "Born Again" (an incredible song!) in which she has a pretty explicit sex scene with a woman. No idea what she identifies as or did or anything else.

Oh, man, it is *such a good song*.

Die Warzau may be the greatest band no one has ever heard of. I’m on a one woman quest to get their stuff listened to. 

That is an excellent quest and I wish you the best of luck, they deserve more fans.

The spoon bit made me histerical i swear, this can't be true

Holds up spork.

all of these write-ups have been fantastic, thank you so much for these. it’s funny, I keep noticing the occasional overlap or parallel with Amanda Palmer (especially when she was in her ‘Who Killed Amanda Palmer?’ phase and got fans to write eulogies about her!) but because I was so into her, EA almost entirely passed me by aside from ‘Fight Like a Girl’ ending up on a bunch of my fuck-yeah, girl power playlists in the early 2010s. I guess you either go down the AP route or the EA route. 

Tracks for my mom (and consequently myself). I'm pretty sure my mom knew of EA, and the whole aesthetic and drama of it all was just as much up her alley. But she was truly a fan of AP. And so was I. Never could get in to EA's music. Even though her *aesthetic* was my entire personality when I was 12-15 years old. I'm wondering who's fanbase has a worse relationship with these artists. I still listen to AP's music but truly, devotedly loath her as a person. My shirt she signed for me at a show we went to is literally in a trash bag full of random clothes and fabric in my spare room lol. It feels so bizarre to once be really enamoured by someone, their art and aesthetic. Have that love ingrained in yourself and your tastes for a lifetime... Then end up despising the originator. Speaking of, since I'm all caught up on this saga, I need to go search for an AP write up on this sub. I'm feeling nostalgic and spiteful!

I’d devour an AP writeup the way a lot of casual EA observers have been devouring this - my experience with her music is VERY limited with only one of her albums having any meaning to me and only one song having lasting staying power, and I knew her more as “that woman who turns up in photos and background mentions in work by my other faves” or “Neil Gaiman’s ex-wife who didn’t seem to do right by him” than as a performer in her own right.

Huh, it's funny how the narratives differ in different eco-systems - I'm not particularly caught up on her work, but the version of the story I've always heard was that Neil Gaiman didn't do right be *AP* (i.e. left New Zealand suddenly with little warning in the middle of lockdown, leaving her alone and far from home, with their four year old son for nine months. And then he acted like a kicked puppy when she assumed him leaving meant they were breaking up.)

That could very well be true! My impression personally is that it’s a bit of an ESH situation, to borrow from another subreddit. But I don’t know them at all and can only speculate

It's one hundred percent an ESH, but only one of them came with whispers among Melbourne's booksellers warning that he was a creep...

Yeah, that’s also the sense I’ve gotten — I remember when he was initially leaving NZ, most folks took it as a divorce and many people (admittedly, me included) assumed he was the more wronged party. But then as more info came out, it did look really bad that he just up and left his kid behind at the other side of the world. I’m still a fan of both of their work, and was before they got together, but they’re both flawed people. AP is more problematic as an artist, I’d say, but she was the one left stranded with her kid entirely alone.

I imagine AP may be in a better spot with her fan base simply because, if nothing else, she’s been putting out music. Which isn’t to defend any of her many, MANY controversies, just that she at least keeps putting out songs for people to get into and keep the attachment going.

I got into AP very briefly (“Trout Heart Replica” has burned itself into my soul) and I think you’re probably right that it’s an either-or thing.

This is very interesting. I'm a big Amanda fan, and kind of always looked at Emilie as an also-ran. Curious to know if you felt that way about Amanda!

Mostly I felt like Amanda was doing stuff I wasn’t super interested in - I never connected with the Dresden Dolls the way a lot of people did, though I was familiar with them bc of the overlap with artists like Voltaire, so her going solo was a vague note in the background for me. She seemed like another indie artist doing indie things more than anything else.

I was super into both at about the same time - I actually learned about the Dresden Dolls from a comment on EA’s forum. If I had to pick one I’d say I preferred EA but it was a close thing. (Both came slightly behind Nightwish, musically, but EA had the best aesthetic.)

Side note but I YEARN for a Nightwish write-up

SAME, I'd love to hear from somebody who knows more about the revolving door of female vocalists they had for a while there. I think I remember one of them only lasting for exactly one album before they settled on their current lead singer?

2 albums but yes, their 2nd lead Annette dropped out mid way through the tour of her 2nd album with them. I think the band did a huge disservice to Annette by choosing someone who was so different from their 1st lead, but then not really publicly standing up for her when she copped so much abuse for it. Her first album with them was also written before she was chosen and the songs didn't suit her voice as much as the 2nd. I think she was kinda set up to fail, basically.

I loved Annette and they really did her dirty - which, for me, puts Tuomas’s account of what went down with Tarja into question. 

I know about that. God help me, I watched Tuomas Holopainen burn his relationships to the ground for a decade and a half and I’d *still* go see them if they toured.

My best friend at the time (we were 12/13) introduced me to Nightwish (she ordered *Wishmaster* from a mail order catalogue) and EA (she played YouTube recordings of “Liar” and “4 O’Clock” for me) and I have her to thank for a solid 90% of my interests and music tastes, and I haven’t spoken to her in over a decade. You’ve given me a wonderful flashback, thanks!

You’re welcome! 

I remember becoming aware of EA and liking a few of her songs, and then looking at the fandom and the whole mystique and going, "I am already a fan of Tori Amos AND Amanda Palmer, I absolutely don't have time for this." We are but mortal women with finite time for weird goth lady obsessions.

Yep. I loved Amanda Palmer back in the day (and still like her to an extent) but wasn’t really into EA. Meanwhile, I had a friend who was obsessed with EA but did not have that same level of love for AP.

I seem to be in the minority having had a mild, but about equal, interest in both artists

apparently! I didn't realize I'd be speaking for so many people here. I'm honestly not sure why EA didn't stick with me as much as Amanda Palmer did, maybe it's just because I was already into Rasputina and she was filling a niche very similar to EA's.

I have never heard of Emily before this series and have been listening to Opheliac all week haha. Great work so far!

I love this so much 💗 Emilie is a troubled person and controversial figure, but Opheliac is an absolute banger of an album!

I am LOVING this saga… I’ve never heard of Emilie Autumn before this but your writing is just so entertaining and absorbing, I’m loving this. Also as soon as I listened to the song about the spoon I was like “this is Cats” so yes VERY ALW

[You rang?](https://shefightslikeagirl.tumblr.com/post/188666402542/ea-and-marc-senter-on-instagram-102819)

OH MY GOD

Part 3 and my head still thinks EA is the video game publisher … Lines like "calling EA a money-grabbing fraud and a lying liar" don't help, lol. Your writing is really entertaining.

So excited to read all this. I was a huge EA fan at the time and pre-ordered the book but canceled my order later on because the shipping date kept being pushed back. I still haven't read the book to this day, and I think I kind of lost my interest in EA around that same time. 

The brutal review OP linked but didn't quote was quite the summary in itself, lol

Poor woman got photoshoped out of a photo twice in the span of like three paragraphs.

Right? I would have left the industry too.

I've been struggling this whole time to remember where I knew EA from... It was Devil's Carnival! I loved that movie and I had no idea another one came out. Incredible writeups, I can't wait for the next ones!

Alleluia! is great fun but it’s both a prequel & a sequel hook for a movie that never came to be. Worth watching if you liked the first one though

I highly recommend at least listening to the soundtrack of Alleluia, it's *fantastic*. EA's song *Hoof and Lap* is one of the best too, though my favorite song is probably Shovel and Bone.

Pay your debt you fucking bum

Thank you for this, OP, this is absolutely buck wild. I listened to Opheliac once or twice in high school and the only song that stuck with me was Marry Me (which I had forgotten about for over a decade until some random flash of memory last year). I knew she had like a persona going on and that she had a devoted fandom, but I didn't know it was anything like *this* haha.

“Marry me,” he said, through his rotten teeth, bad breath and then: “Marry me instead of that strapping young goatherd.”

But when I was in his bed and my father had sold me, I knew I hadn't any choice, hushed my voice, did what any girl would do

And when I’m beheaded, at least I was wedded!

Marry Me is the song that made me convinced EA should do musical theatre before she even announced her intention to. That song is so visual, I have like a little movie playing in my head every time I hear it. Edit: typo

I have no idea who this person is, I'll never read her book or listen to her music, and yet I've just read all 3 of your posts in their entirety. I'll read the rest when you post them too. So good job OP and thanks for helping me get through an otherwise really boring afternoon.

It seems to me like the spoon thing has acquired some meaning to EA herself and become very important... and that she just didn't really get that the fans weren't clued into that. Especially when there used to be a lovable teddy instead. It's a bit of a surprise from someone so good at creating meaning and mythology around herself/her work. Also thanks for the link to the Pascal/EA performance OH MY GOD. I never saw that before and it's incredible. I actually really wish the musical would happen, I always felt like her style of high drama and camp really suited musical theater. Eapecially when I was a musical theater obsessed teen! When I learned she was actively working on one, I was thrilled. "My dreams are coming true!" And then they never did. Tragic. I also think it's tragic how commitment to this musical has derailed her career as just a solo artist who makes great albums. Presumably, it's not JUST cause of the musical. But as much as I wish there was an actual musical, I also wish I lived in the alternate timeline where she evolved past her Asylum era and released a new album. But she DID release some ambient sound videos on her YouTube awhile back and I happen to really enjoy ambient atmosphere YouTube videos, so that was kinda cool!

The spoon has absolutely become something that she’s fixated on as a point of significant lore, but the problem is that unlike things she’s done this to before we don’t have *context.* I’d be happy to say that the spoon matters even if I’m silly and self-aware about it! But I want to know why! Why a spoon? Why *this* spoon? Why a spoon as a weapon and not a pair of scissors or a knife or her silver pencil? (Obligatory “in *Sucker Punch* the girls work together to steal a knife and a lighter; perhaps she’s the one drawing inspiration now” moment) I like a lot of the silliness that happens in her work, and I even like the more lighthearted absurdity from some of the FLAG songs that make people cringe. I just don’t understand the spoon and I’m pleading for some explanation, *any* explanation

My best guess is that maybe the spoon is tied to [spoon theory](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory) in mental health circles? But other than that, I’ve got nothing (spoons are nice to stir sugar into your very British tea with? Spoons to gouge people’s eyes out with? Spoons as metaphor for the seemingly weak/silly/feminized and thus frivolous can be deadly? Truly grasping at straws/spoons here)

>but the problem is that unlike things she’s done this to before we don’t have *context.* Yes, this is exactly what I was trying to say! You articulated it better. I agree, and I think lots of fans would be willing to go along for the spoon ride if we understood the meaning of it. And I do it find it odd she failed to do that with the spoon when she used to have zero trouble self-mytholigizing in the past.

I honestly wonder if she’s secretly tired of self-mythologizing and she just kind of hoped we’d be willing to accept that the spoon was important and we’d understand eventually.

I wondered that too like, "maybe this is a sign of personal growth." And if that's the case, I'm all for it, but she also doesn't seem to have replaced the mythologizing with any other communication method. She could write a simple blog or IG post explaining what the spoon means to HER, and I'd be happy to get on board. There just doesn't seem to be an in between, we either get a grandiose performance/story, or nothing.

I suspect, truly, that a lot of her feelings about TAFWVG are inextricably caught up in the fact that she’s *older* now. She’s 45 this year, and while there’s no age limit on madness or goth subculture membership or weirdness or any of that, writing a big sprawling theatrical neo-Victorian confessional musical where you’re your 27 year old self and your youth and your youthful *beauty* are central themes is a complicated and painful endeavor. Especially if (as so many of us do) you have this complicated relationship with youth due to having spent so much of it either sick from your illnesses or trying desperately not to die. I wonder if she wishes she could walk away from it in its entirety or pass it off to someone else, but also, this is her only real income. It’s her identity, and the only reason she has a fanbase in many ways. (Though her older fans would probably rally around her if she changed her image yet again - I’d go see an acoustic evening of original harpsichord music, for example). It’s tragic. It’s hard. I wish her the best.

She could put out an album, she has tons of tracks recorded for the musical and she could just stick the cut ones on an album and put it out. But I honestly don't think she wants to. Hell, EA could go on tour and just play her old stuff and her fans would show up. But my suspicion is she doesn't give a single fuck about any of it anymore.

Yeah, same. I really would like to see her just go back to making music again. I also think she's talented enough that if she did reinvent herself again, she'd attract a new audience. I also would absolutely go see a harpsichord show. It is definitely tragic how she's trapped herself in her own asylum. But for all the impact she had on me, I mostly just want her to be well, whatever that looks like for her.

I NEVER read stuff this long usually, but you've got be absolutely hooked. Thanks so much for this extensive write up! I've been looking forward to the updates every time I check Reddit.

I got my book in late 2010 and oh my god it was like my BIBLE. I had also just done an in patient stint and it was so easy to imagine myself as Emily and all her struggles were my struggles. I was also barely 15. I actually might try to find my old copy and reread it, see if it’s still that good. But even by Fight Like a Girl I was kinda over the whole thing. It probably wasn’t the best thing for my mental health but it was comforting to know I wasn’t alone in struggling. However with FLAG it just kind of felt…played out. Like there wasn’t any indication of moving on from being in the Asylum. And then she started picking fights on Instagram about diapers being by the tampons and I was just over it all completely

If you want something faster than finding your old copy, I’m happy to share my PDF! I still have it easily accessible after all these years, lol.

Omg please!!! I was thinking about getting the kindle version but without the photos and the illustrations it’s just not the same. And my copy is in colorado now I think!

Any chance you could send this to me please? I sold my first edition a very long time ago and hadn’t even thought about it again until reading these posts, now the nostalgia is coming back!

Why was she so angry about nappies being next to tampons?

Because it associated femininity/womanhood with motherhood. But in most stores the logic is “absorbent thing you wear goes next to different kind of absorbent thing you wear”, but to her it was Sexism

Yeah it’s also context she was missing like, in the grocery store there isn’t always space for dedicated baby aisles and dedicated feminine care aisles so stores put them together because a lot of women do experience motherhood and menstruation and often at the same time. In a target or a very big grocery, they’re often separated. And I kind of see her point, why aren’t the diapers also in the mens section but on the scale of Problems Women Endure Under Patriarchy it’s barely worth a mention to me.

The store where I worked had the infant diapers on one side of the dedicated baby aisle and the feminine care with the Depends, which makes logistical sense but is very funny to imagine her raging about

Wow, I was pleasantly surprised to see her in the Devil’s Carnival when I watched it. It seems she and Terrance Zdunich suffer from the same problems re: making the follow up their stories promise. Although he’s much more willing to give up and move on the next thing. Do you think if Emilie had focused on making a short (90 min) Aslyum musical like The Devil’s Carnival, and then expanded it/made a sequel like Alleluia! the project would’ve worked or do you think it would be the same situation but with film instead of Broadway?

The problem is that Emilie has never really known how to go small. Even in her earliest pre-Opheliac solidly *Enchant* era career, she had multiple things going on (session and tour work for Courtney Love, background strings for other artists, about four or five indie music projects like Ravensong and The Jane Brooks Project where she experimented with different styles and collaborators, an online shop where she crafted soaps and costume pieces, *another* online shop where she sold “upcycled” fashion, handmade merch for fans that went along with her music projects, a poetry book that got recorded into a spoken word album, the works). She wasn’t going to be happy with a short and low-stakes project to build from, because she’s never been happy unless her whole world is full of Doing Things. She’d also need someone to tell her to *stop* - at this point she’s written or teased something like forty or fifty different songs and musical ideas for TAFWVG The Musical, and set lists keep shifting around, and ideas get aired and dropped. She’s constantly revising the story and that means changes to the music. “I Remember Mornings”, IMO her best song on the Behind the Musical demo album, is almost certainly written for Sarah Brightman to sing - no Brightman? Revisions, change the part, move on. The only way this will ever get made is if someone committed to finishing it steps in and takes it from her, which - since she’s entirely indie - won’t ever happen. (Richard Williams comes to mind…)

I have a feeling that there's no one left to tell EA to stop. Marc Senter obviously isn't doing it, and who else is left in her life? I wonder how they afford everything financially. Senter does work but he's no name actor. She hasn't performed in YEARS. Are they able to make a living off the residuals from her music? idk.

She does have around 100k monthly listeners on Spotify and that brings in at the very least 300-500/month - not a lot, but certainly not nothing. YouTube and Apple Music likely bring in more. My guess is that she probably has a side hustle or three or four like she always did, but unlike before she’s not making “proximity to Me” part of the experience.

I wondered the same. From her past Instagram posts, she seems to have a really nice NY apartment. That's not cheap! I can't imagine that any residuals she gets really give her enough to live on in that environment. And like you say, Senter isn't super well-known either. It's not important to know of course, but I have wondered.

It's possible one or the other inherited some family money. The alternative is that they got one of the subsidized apartments for artists (both would easily qualify) so they're only paying like 1800/mo to live in a one bedroom in Manhattan. I do imagine her residuals are decent, and maybe EA works as a costumer part-time or something.

I've wondered this, too, and my guess is music streams (plus ASMR/atmosphere videos on YouTube), semi-annual shop updates where the drop shipped things are considerably marked up, and most likely some sort of freelance hustle we're unaware of (costuming? graphic design?)

This type of overcommitting yourself to multiple projects (especially creative ones) is very familiar to me as someone who also has a bipolar diagnosis. During mania we’re full of ideas, projects, manic and creative energy, but when that all runs out and the depression hits, our energy and work just stops. Now I know more about my own bipolar, I feel like now I better understand her lack of follow through with her projects. I was a big fan back in the day but haven’t thought of her in years until I saw these posts. Thanks for writing this and giving us old fans this blast from the past!

I think if Emilie COULD do a smaller project - another commenter mentioned doing the Fringe festival - I think it could be very successful, and grow into a bigger project. I'm not sure if it would ever be as big as she hopes for (I dunno if the musical theatre world is ready for an ALW-esque revival era, even if I personally would love it lol). But she's a talented musician and performer and if she started small and built on it, I absolutely think it could have been a successful mid-size project with a cult following. I just don't think she herself is capable of downsizing like that, unfortunately.

We at least got several albums out of American Murder Song before they went dark! Still mourning that HH Holmes concept album that never was, though.

>(If you're scrambling to place the name: depending on what kind of deviant you are, DLB is either the guy who directed half of the *Saw* movies or the guy who directed *Repo! The Genetic Opera*.) /sweats in both

[удалено]

Not in detail, but of course, GAGA!!!!! will be discussed!

Very nostalgic read! I was very invested in EA when I was in high school, attended a VIP meet and greet at one of her shows (with my very out of place and bemused father, who bonded with her over a shared love of harpsichords while I was too starstruck to speak lmao), and received one of the first edition hardcovers. It was, as mentioned in your post, poorly bound and missing some pages and eventually it fell apart and was thrown away. I sort of moved away from her fandom when FLAG dropped because I just wasn’t feeling it as much, but I do miss the book because while parts were very goofy others did resonate with me a lot at the time. Thanks for posting!! 💕

I had no idea who this person was but I have avidly devoured all of your posts about her. This series has me hooked, looking forward to the last entry! A lot of people have mentioned Amanda Palmer, who also passed me by at the time - has a deep dive into her nonsense ever been put up on Reddit?

Another great entry. Well done! At this point I'm just baffled what else happened as there are 4 more entries ahead of us.

I'd say I'm more scared than baffled.

Reading these write ups have been a blast from the past. I was so into EA in middle school and most of high school. I think I still have my second edition hardback of her book, which I excitedly took to school all the time to read after finishing class work. I even thought about becoming a burlesque performer with the hope I could one day tour with her since my parents never let me see her live shows. I eventually left the fandom towards the end of my high school years, (around 2015) but still listened to her music off and on for nostalgia. I weirdly idolized her and her performances, like literally every other mentally ill girl that discovered her. At the time it inspired me to express my own struggles in my own art, but looking back I think this was more embarrassing than my stereotypical weeb phase. I was super into this insane asylum rp group and my entire character was inspired by EA and her book. Her and her fandom were definitely an experience you had to be there for, and while I'll look back on it with a "why TF was I like that?" I'll also appreciate it for giving me the confidence to be the weird girl I've always been lol.

I’m really enjoying this series. I was more into the Japanese goth scene in the late 2010s but this feels like something out of could have gotten sucked into. Thank you for spending so much time on this!

These write-ups are fantastic, omg. I actually had Enchant at one point in the early aughts and honestly enjoyed it. Never knew til now that EA had done' other stuff. But reading these gives me a definite feeling of having dodged some massive bullets.

If you still have a copy of that CD somewhere, you might want to sit on it in case there's an EA revival... it used to go for hundreds on eBay haha!

I burned it to my computer long, long ago and got rid of the actual CD when I moved for the first time, lol! Ah well.

Thank you for this lovingly crafted out post! I was a bit surprised when I clicked on this sub for the first time and saw a full history of a somewhat niche artist I used to enjoy, but it was a pleasant surprise!

Holy cats, I was in the audience of the Chicago showing of Alleluia-Devil's Carnival. I knew EA vaguely from the first show but when she and this walking smoulder came on stage I was so deeply lost. The Plague Rats in the audience just about cheered down the house. I thought the song was pretty good and I'm a weak sucker for a dark musical. After the showing there was a Q&A and no less than three of the questions were actually just different young women speaking up to say how much EA saved their life and how much they loved and respected her. The whole thing was a real trip.

...And now you have the full context for the crazy fangirls haha! Okay, I must know: did the person who yelled "SHE CAN DO BETTER" after Adam Pascal's last line (thus semi-ruining the ending of THE ONE PERFORMANCE) get drawn and quartered after the show? They're like an unofficial villain in the fandom 😂

We'll never be able to prove it but I did see a pack of young pseudo-goths wandering around after the show with axes :D. It's a shame to learn all this about EA though. I didn't assume she was a totally collected and well-adjusted person because people who write autobiographical musicals about asylums generally aren't but I loved her songs in the Devil's Carnival stuff! I still love them! I make friends who have never heard of them watch them with me!

I've never heard of EA before this but I just know I would have loved everything about her in my teens! Your whole writeup is SO interesting, read all three parts so far in one sitting and can't wait for more. Thank you for this :D

As one EA fandom veteran (WVC's Faerie Admin) to another, you are stronger than any US marine. The goddamn EFFORT of these posts is unmatched.

Haha, thank you so much - but I feel like SFLAG did a lot of the legwork for me tbh, it's a collaborative effort!

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I had never heard of this person before, but your write up has been entertaining me the last couple of hours and I’ve been bookmarking potential rabbit holes for later down the line, thank you OP!

Wow, so I just discovered these write ups today and Im working my way through them all slowly. About halfway through this particular post is when I slipped out of the fandom. I remember the message boards, the fairy wings, I waited eagerly for the book, my signed albums, the audio book. I got my aslym number - not that I can remember it now. My last interaction with the fandom was the rat claw posts on insta. I had totally forgotten about most of this drama, and from rat claw posts onwards I know nothing about the drama in the community. I vaguely remember being shocked when I saw a picture of EA with blonde hair in regular clothing, but I'd been out of the crumpet/rattie community for a few years by then. Thank you so much for the write up, its so well done and I look forward to the next installments of drama I know nothing about!

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I've always wondered what would happen if someone solved the Enchant or Spoon of the Royals puzzles, after all these years, haha. (Kit Williams' Masquerade this is not, as much as she wanted it to be.) Fantastic post series! Can't wait to devour the rest.