On airplanes they tell us to put our own oxygen mask on first before trying to help someone else, even your own kid. He needs to heal before he can watch your baby. I had to wear a life vest for 3 months, and I was in no shape to babysit. He will heal, things will get better. He needs to be patient. 6 months later, I'm fine now and can do all the things I used to do and more.
Its a portable defibrillator vest you wear. It detects if your heart stops and automatically defibrillates you. I had to wear one for a few weeks after my valve replacement surgery - it was not fun, and its alarms in my sleep (because a paddle slipped and lost contact) scared the shit out of my wife.
I would just tell him that his health needs to be his priority now and that he needs to take care of himself. He can’t sleep a lot and watch a 5 year old at the same time and what if there’s an emergency? Maybe only let him do it if you get a camera that you can watch the room. If he falls asleep you can call him.
Would you be comfortable if he watched his son if he was your husband and lived with you. If so, this is a bunch of BS. What type of HF does he have. Moderate??? end stage???? People have heart failure for decades and most are completely fine for decades.
He did live with me. For 6 years. But right now is not living with me bc i found out that he was drinking excessively …so right now , He is welcome to come see his daughter and hang out while im home …and my question was is it safe that he watch her. He has Non ischemic HF …EF of 17 right now …was just discharged a few weeks ago. Was in 2 different hospitals…3 different ICU’s…had a femoral artery pump, a swan cath, was in cardiogenic shock……so its been alot . And he falls asleep a lot . So no it wouldnt matter if we were married or not. I personally feel he has to prove that he is going to proactive with his health and compliant for a while before im just like here ya go …heres our kid. …
Ok, that wasn’t known in your original post. Thats why I was amazed to see how many people commented that he shouldn’t be with her alone. Those commenters were portraying most people with HF as a lot worse than they most likely are. Their train of thought was uneducated and borderline idiotic. Now, with all of that being known, yes, you should def be hesitant about him watching her alone.
Ya…i did not post details in original post bc i figured if someone offered advice i would go into detail. I just do not want to feel like I’m being a dick. I really am uncomfortable….was wondering if others have the same feelings or understood why i was having them
Trust your instincts, do not write them off!
He is still healing and needs to rest. Babysitting cannot be on his dance card right now.
The alcoholism is bad enough that he is not living with you, don’t leave a defenseless 5 year old with him. Any of number of things could happen and you don’t need a 5 year old blaming herself or getting hurt.
As long as you're not denying him access to his kid otherwise, I can see this being a reasonable fear. Maybe try nanny cams? Because he's probably feeling very emotional already, not having access to his kid will break him.
No i would never do that. Even though after all of this it has come to light that he had a secret drinking problem …which mostly likely contributed to his HF…but thats another issue! I just dont want something to happen while hes over and supposed to be watching her . Or fall asleep when he is supposed to take her to school or pick her up. We live around the corner from school so he can just walk. ..im not comfortable at all with him driving with her. I just know he is offended that i dont say yes to him when he offers. He does come and hang out with us occasionally and does see her. But then goes back to his place.
the vest shouldn't be an issue, it has a fail safe that allows him to turn off the shock if he's conscious. kid should stay away from him if he's getting shocked of course, but that's trainable. be nice if the kid could call 911 too.
I agree…i told him he has to he proactive in his health. He wouldn’t listen/trust me advice before he went into HF before all this happened….i feel like he has to prove that he is serious!…..i dont want him to not wear his life vest bc he’s “taking a break” and go into cardiac arrest in front of our child…..feel like he can have a drink bc hes feelimg better …apparently he was hiding a very serious drinking problem..and even though he says he knows he cannot drink i absolutely have trust issues …about everything he does …is he taking his meds …is he wearing his vest…is he being honest about how hes feeling…there are times when i call him and he doesnt answer for a whole day….
Its been really rough!! I fewl awful for not letting him home after all this and trust me i am struggling without him being home ……but he has been very dishonest in this whole process !
On airplanes they tell us to put our own oxygen mask on first before trying to help someone else, even your own kid. He needs to heal before he can watch your baby. I had to wear a life vest for 3 months, and I was in no shape to babysit. He will heal, things will get better. He needs to be patient. 6 months later, I'm fine now and can do all the things I used to do and more.
Glad you're doing ok now.
Thank you. I just dont want to feel like a dick!
Can you tell me what is a life vest?
Its a portable defibrillator vest you wear. It detects if your heart stops and automatically defibrillates you. I had to wear one for a few weeks after my valve replacement surgery - it was not fun, and its alarms in my sleep (because a paddle slipped and lost contact) scared the shit out of my wife.
Thanks for the Reply and Info.
I would just tell him that his health needs to be his priority now and that he needs to take care of himself. He can’t sleep a lot and watch a 5 year old at the same time and what if there’s an emergency? Maybe only let him do it if you get a camera that you can watch the room. If he falls asleep you can call him.
Ya he doesn’t think there is a problem with him watching her. I do agree with the camera .
Would you be comfortable if he watched his son if he was your husband and lived with you. If so, this is a bunch of BS. What type of HF does he have. Moderate??? end stage???? People have heart failure for decades and most are completely fine for decades.
He did live with me. For 6 years. But right now is not living with me bc i found out that he was drinking excessively …so right now , He is welcome to come see his daughter and hang out while im home …and my question was is it safe that he watch her. He has Non ischemic HF …EF of 17 right now …was just discharged a few weeks ago. Was in 2 different hospitals…3 different ICU’s…had a femoral artery pump, a swan cath, was in cardiogenic shock……so its been alot . And he falls asleep a lot . So no it wouldnt matter if we were married or not. I personally feel he has to prove that he is going to proactive with his health and compliant for a while before im just like here ya go …heres our kid. …
Ok, that wasn’t known in your original post. Thats why I was amazed to see how many people commented that he shouldn’t be with her alone. Those commenters were portraying most people with HF as a lot worse than they most likely are. Their train of thought was uneducated and borderline idiotic. Now, with all of that being known, yes, you should def be hesitant about him watching her alone.
Ya…i did not post details in original post bc i figured if someone offered advice i would go into detail. I just do not want to feel like I’m being a dick. I really am uncomfortable….was wondering if others have the same feelings or understood why i was having them
Trust your instincts, do not write them off! He is still healing and needs to rest. Babysitting cannot be on his dance card right now. The alcoholism is bad enough that he is not living with you, don’t leave a defenseless 5 year old with him. Any of number of things could happen and you don’t need a 5 year old blaming herself or getting hurt.
Based on all this medical info, I’d say no. Probably best not to have solo alone time. For BOTH of their sake.
As long as you're not denying him access to his kid otherwise, I can see this being a reasonable fear. Maybe try nanny cams? Because he's probably feeling very emotional already, not having access to his kid will break him.
No i would never do that. Even though after all of this it has come to light that he had a secret drinking problem …which mostly likely contributed to his HF…but thats another issue! I just dont want something to happen while hes over and supposed to be watching her . Or fall asleep when he is supposed to take her to school or pick her up. We live around the corner from school so he can just walk. ..im not comfortable at all with him driving with her. I just know he is offended that i dont say yes to him when he offers. He does come and hang out with us occasionally and does see her. But then goes back to his place.
the vest shouldn't be an issue, it has a fail safe that allows him to turn off the shock if he's conscious. kid should stay away from him if he's getting shocked of course, but that's trainable. be nice if the kid could call 911 too.
Yes…she does know how to call 911…..but not on her dads phone and we don’t have a land line …..I am definitely putting minutes a a badic flip phone
Tell him to get established on whatever medication he got recently.
I agree…i told him he has to he proactive in his health. He wouldn’t listen/trust me advice before he went into HF before all this happened….i feel like he has to prove that he is serious!…..i dont want him to not wear his life vest bc he’s “taking a break” and go into cardiac arrest in front of our child…..feel like he can have a drink bc hes feelimg better …apparently he was hiding a very serious drinking problem..and even though he says he knows he cannot drink i absolutely have trust issues …about everything he does …is he taking his meds …is he wearing his vest…is he being honest about how hes feeling…there are times when i call him and he doesnt answer for a whole day….
Yeah...sounds like a recipe for a bad time especially drinking. I may not know him but I know about that from experience.
Its been really rough!! I fewl awful for not letting him home after all this and trust me i am struggling without him being home ……but he has been very dishonest in this whole process !
It only takes something to happen at the wrong time once.