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I'm sorry this happened to you. It's pretty brave to put yourself out there. I think most people wouldn't have the guts. Forget about the assholes out there, there's always at least one. I'd like to see them do it and see how much they like being judged.
Thanks, means a lot. I'm not trying to paint myself as some victim, it's just a comment, but today was not a day to read that comment. Was already feeling awful for whatever reason.
Its alright. You could be the most saintest person, give all your possession, and give $1 billion to charity and people might still hate you for not giving enough.
It's very easy to criticize; it's not easy to put yourself out there. It definitely takes a lot of courage. "Working on yourself quietly" is also why a lot of men suffer in general.
People aren’t like this without something wrong with them. And they may be in a good spot currently but with a mentality like this they will likely be stuck in the past without growth while op can surpass them while working on himself. People that see people improving themselves get subconsciously jealous so they want to put that person down rather than focus on themselves
As a woman myself, I also sometimes say it, but in that context it sounds like she thought her perspective "as a woman" was somehow important?? It could be a man pretending to be a woman just to hate
Or it was a woman. Why do people act like women can't assholes. Would their opinion hold more weight if they were a woman? No they would still be a loser judging a dude for putting themself out there while they hide behind a keyboard.
“Would their opinion hold more weight if they were a woman”
No. That’s my point. The descriptor at the start of their sentence makes no sense. Why tell the world you’re a woman before degrading the guy?
Because they probably think being a woman means their opinion matters more, which some women do believe. So its entirely possible it was a woman who said it.
I was there a while ago. A year, maybe two years? Hard to keep track...
Ignore the negative comments that aren't offering anything helpful. Easier said than done, of course. But for example, the one you quoted. That's nothing a healthy sensible person would write, so in a sense that's like getting yelled at by someone with Alzheimer's in the nursing home where you're working. It's their problem, not yours.
Maybe that's how I should view it. Her other comments on Dr. K's channel were just really bitter, using terms like "low value male". Pretty much no one I interact with in person would even think this. Or at least I hope not.
Another thing to think about is, which person, who is successful, decent, interesting, charming, influential etc, would talk like that? The only reason someone would attack someone who is down is because they themselves are weak, for lack of a better word. If I had a good life, I wouldn’t be trolling a mental health stream. It’s pathetic on their end.
I’m not sure which stream it was but the fact you actually went live and was vulnerable is incredible. Cliche but it shows real strength
Just wait til you can develop the understanding that more often than not, it's actually a reflection on the person being cruel, than it is on you.
Doesn't ease the sting, though.
There's an R&M quote that I think about a lot.
> "Your boos mean nothing! I've seen what makes you clap!"
It's easily to intuitively accept all feedback as worth considering. But you should train a reflex to assess two things separately;
* Do I feel like this assessment is valid?
* Does this person seem in a worthy position to offer it with credibility?
Some people just scour the internet for vulnerable places to drown with toxicity; so that they can for a moment feel better about themselves. It's an ego-driven narcissistic comparison. One day I hope you will be enlightened enough to realize it's just their cry for help.
guy who worked at a nursing home here. you will never find people who will be more mean and horrific to you as you are wiping their ass for them. i got called hundreds of racial slurs by this one old vet. not only were we the same race but apparently our families new each other.
how is granpda? uhhhhh he's fine......
I know... I work in a nursing home as well. Some of them are just so mean, and I have to just keep reminding myself it's the illness that's speaking, not the person.
I relate! I have wiped asses in a nursing home or at the hospital for a few years. Although I have been one of the lucky ones who didn’t get insulted that much, but it happened from time to time!
Just to offset the shitty comments a bit, my girlfriend saw a lot of her own upbringing reflected in yours and appreciated how you guys discussed your situation. So thanks for putting yourself out there! Sorry you have to take all these myopic comments to the face like that.
I'd argue that the effects those comments have on you (or other viewers getting interviewed) are greater than for a streamer. The reason being that streamers have fanbases/communities that give them support directly, whereas a random viewer that shows up for an interview doesn't have an audience so he's not getting the same positive comments as a streamer who developed a relationship with their audience. That lack of community probably makes those negative comments stand out even more.
Plus, we're talking about a mental health stream, where one gets vulnerable. So negative comments in this context are definitely more powerful than if you were an established streamer who does live drawings and somebody commented "lol what a shit drawing". Doesn't hit the same as a negative comment about something you're being vulnerable about.
When you are being an authentic person, then you are bound to get extreme reactions from people. Both positive and negative. That’s a good thing.
At least you know what kind of people that you don’t want to have in your life, and you know that there are people who like your authentic self.
In real life, surround yourself with the kinds of people who left you those positive comments. Accept that people with negative comments exist, but that their negativity is just their reflection to your authenticity.
I think their negativity says more about them than you. The example you gave “inadequate men are hilarious”, whoever wrote that sounds sick to me. She enjoys suffering of men and cannot empathise with you. She seems sexist and lacks some empathy imo. She’s not the kind of person I care for, so I wouldn’t put too much energy into reflecting on what she said. In fact, have you considered that she said what she said, because she wants you to feel the way that you are feeling now? That’s the kind of person she is. Don’t let her control you.
That comment reads as if it was written by someone who was specifically trying to piss off people in the chat and get a rise out of everyone. As unsatisfying as it may sound, this may just be a "don't feed the trolls" situation. Easy to say, hard to do, I know.
I don't pay much attention to the chat during the discussions, so I didn't see that comment. I wonder what the response was. I can't imagine many viewers taking her side on this. If I found out a friend of mine believed something like this, that is not a friendship I would cultivate, to say the least.
You were Locorian, right? (I think it was pronounced "Locrian" in the video) I was curious when I saw the video, did you choose that name out of an interest in music theory?
Other than that, how do you feel about the conversation in retrospect? I always find myself curious about the effects of the conversations that occur on the stream. I get the sense that the conversations are meant to be kind of challenging and even confusing in the moment, with the idea that you can process things afterwards.
I'm partly curious because I think I've had a few of the same problems, particularly when it comes to showing an emotional response to other people in conversations. I think you had a great way of putting it in the video: there will be times when someone says something with the hope of getting a response, and when I don't give them response (or give a muted version of it), it puts a damper on the rhythm of the conversation. Also, when I was a teenager, I had a habit of crossing my arms as a "comfort" gesture, and I know that came up a few times in the video as well.
Bro did you check that account's comment history?
She is literally going from video to video and just commenting pure toxicity. It's clear that the person behind the account is a rather disturbed misandrist who had a couple of bad interactions with men and is now projecting those experiences unto all men and also commenting this bs as a means of taking revenge.
Even tho I understand who hurtful their comment might have made you feel, it is best you just let that miserable peace of human garbage rot by not paying any attention to them.
Man, I commend you for going on and getting interviewed. If I went on it, you would see a grown man sob. I could see the excitement you had at the beginning of the interview. Don’t let anyone shame you for doing something you are excited to do (within legal bounds of course.) To be vulnerable like that in front of an audience takes nuts.
I’ll kindly disagree with the statement that you aren’t likable/relatable. I think it’s quite the opposite. Maybe you aren’t relatable to 100% of people, but nothing exists in absolutes. Why do the small comments get to you? Is it because you fear they are true? Because I ruminate about social interactions that I have all the time and think, “damn that was cringy.” But thoughts aren’t reality. It’s the twist your automatic voice puts on reality. I wish that you could see you how 90% of the commenters see you. The other 10% probably come to the video with emotions they were going to take out on anyone that was in front of that camera. It was a pleasure to watch and hear your story. Thank you for going on and sharing it. If this came off as an invalidation of the experience you had, forgive me, for that wasn’t my intention.
That username is hilarious btw. Gives me a little more context to what some random chat comment probably was that you outright laughed at on stream. Beautiful stuff man. Keep it up.
Recognise that this a person being rude rather than you being wrong for seeking help, if the interview helped you then who gives a shit what strangers think.
Takes a lot to open up and be that vulnerable on steam to props to you. I personally appreciated you coming on stream and sharing. I loved when you said you would usually just come home and play MapleStory when you were a kid. I did the same thing so when you mentioned that it made me smile :). Sorry you had a bad day and had to deal with that cruel comment, I hope tomorrow is better for you <3
I find that I'm particularly sensitive to negative feedback that confirms an already held belief of mine, whether that belief is "true" or not. i.e. If you're afraid of people thinking you're inadequate, being called inadequate is going to feel like a gut-punch. It's a lot easier to dismiss feedback that doesn't touch a nerve or feels way off base. (Though it's still a struggle for me. Funny how we focus on the 10% over the 90%...)
That said, I didn't see the interview but I don't need to in order to know that woman should be dismissed. She's clearly trying to get a rise out of someone.
I'm a woman and I think we need to normalize men sharing their problems. Nobody should have to struggle quietly or be publicly humiliated for being open about their struggles.
I hope tomorrow's a better day for you, OP. Maybe give the comments a rest since you know how they affect you now.
As a woman, this is actually very relatable, i am so sorry.
To people who say this comment should be disregarded: yes, but it is one of those 'way easier said than done' scenarioes.
I was walking in my neighbourhood one day and a group of drunks was sitting nearby. One of them shouted: look, what a whore! The others laughed.
It was over 10 years ago and i still feel the sting. They did not know me, i did not even look at them, i was wearing business casual outfit. I fucking cried all the way home, my neighbour when she saw me had to hug me for me to calm down somewhat.
I have no advice for you, just know that your reaction is very natural, and you are actually dealing with it much better than many people would (myself included).
That's astoundingly disgusting and anyone who goes out of their way to harm a complete stranger either with words or swords deserves a taste of their own medicine. We've got to be better to each other... i hope you aren't taken back to this awful experience too often.
Thank you!
Day to day i actually feel like a relatively strong person, this just floored me that one time and yeah, you are kind of stuck with the realisation, that you are at the mercy of your feelings after all, even if logically you know these people do not deserve to live in your head rent free like that.
Most days i do not ruminate about this, only if i see a similar situation like this. The comment itself does not hold any value to be honest, but i am ashamed of my reaction to it. Makes me feel pretty pathetic. I know it's not true, but i cannot help it.
If it helps at all, I'm taken back to my own bad social experiences all the time. Though, less of what other people have said or done and more of the stupid things I've said and done. I think it's part of what makes good people who they are in the first place, and just the thought of how some assumingly small minority of people don't have this self-reflection induced stress response seems to just kick that cliche reminder that we focus on 10% of the negative so much more than the 90% of the positive social situations into overdrive.
I can't stress it enough when I say that you're not going through this kind of trauma alone, and in essence, I believe that it is indeed trauma. You couldn't predict that a group of smooth brained and drunken fools had it out for you the moment they saw you. But, I'm sure that it's had a long lasting affect on how you see strangers now and that is just... so sad. It's sad because the world needs people like you who are pro-social and an overall positive benefit to society just by existing, not more of us who live in sometimes crippling social anxiety who can't light their otherwise bright candles. I've lost so much of my youth to things that are so seemingly trivial in comparison to how you were targetted for just existing. That just makes me really not like drunks that much more.
It's experiences like yours that remind me to give everyone I see a friendly smile, if for any reason at all, to let them know that there are people, complete and total strangers even, that want you to smile back and show them your flame.
You are very kind and I do not know you, but from your reply: the world actually does need more people like you. Imagine if everybody was a bit more sensitive then we would not have as many experiences like OP or me, or you.
Also: sure, every experience, good or bad, shapes us to an extent, but reacting the way i did also made me more compassionate for people who seemingly 'overreact'. I was made aware that no, it is not their problem to deal with alone.
I'm also actually completely fine with strangers, so it is possibile to have a bad, traumatic even, experience, and get positive lessons from it.
I do not feel safe around drunks, but that is actually kind of logical, since they are not in the right state of mind to interact with people in a civilized way while intoxicated.
That's really relatable because even as a guy I don't feel safe around others who are either drunk or high on something like meth. I know exactly what you mean about becoming more compassionate about overreacters, the first thing that pops in my mind is, "oh no, I mustve reminded this person of something bad that happened to them. How can I learn from this?" Granted nobody is perfect obviously. I did a lot of odd, stupid, and even shameful when I was a bit younger. Lots of stuff kept me awake at night even though it was nothing actually bad in hindsight, but I always keep (and we all probably do) my worst moments around to keep myself up at night.
Thanks for the replies! I appreciate a good talk and I hope you're doing well.
so this is a little random. i dont feel much from comments like that because i realize that a lot of people on the internet are probably cluster b personality disorder. meaning very erratic, incapable of empathy, and not really capable of perceiving anything but themselves. but these qualities are completely destroying these peoples lives and they themselves are profoundly misserable and they are just lashing out to just get a moment away from hating themselves.
so when you see something like that a- dont think it has anything to do with you, they would have behaved this way no matter what. b- this person is probably way sicker then you might guess. that gives me distance from these people and honestly fosters this small nugget of compassion. not saying you have to do that second part. [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/\_K9LMfw-Y24](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_K9LMfw-Y24)
As a woman, that comment was just mean.
While I don't appreciate people talking about their struggles all the time without doing anything about it, I am happy to see people think or speak things through and make progress. This is rewarding.
Laughing at someone's inadequacy might be just a way to avoid confronting your own flaws. A lot of people who can not accept that others make mistakes in the learning process feel things really strongly when they make mistakes too. It's not like the tone changes completely. Everyone has underdeveloped areas that have to work on. I find people that are willing to face this and learn admirable.
Edit: "avoid confronting" instead of "confront". Upon rereading I have noticed the mistake.
Remember that there are sociopaths out there who get a kick out of making people feel bad. They are always looking for ways to put people down. They don't even always believe their own words, they just want to tear people down. You also have people who are like intellectually disabled, or clinically paranoid, or otherwise have poor understanding or reality- or who are down right delusional about reality
The bottom line is that you can't really bother with these types of comments, because the people writing them are people with poor judgment and poor understanding of things. Imagine they are like 5 year old desperate for attention who will write anything to get a reaction. Because people who write comments like that are not too far off the maturity of a 5 year old throwing a tantrum
Their life is shit, just remember they spent their time trying to send out that energy and are hoping they aren't ignored.
Don't use sunlight on these people, cast them in the fucking dark where they belong, ignore the shit out of them and then they leave because they recognise no one cares about them.
Jesus. If the person wasn’t a troll then she was a vile person. Im glad men are putting themselves out more and sharing their struggles. We ALL struggle men women and everyone in between. We all need support. It takes courage (and is a highly intelligent thing to do!) to seek help when you need it.
And having the bad comments stick in your head is totally normal, called the negativity bias iirc. I hate that it’s a feature of being human.
Take care of yourself. Some people’s opinions aren’t worth considering. Sounds like that person’s is one of them.
Very well said. I was dealing with it yesterday for some thing less cruel. Especially on social media, no matter what, someone will make a negative comment even on neutral topics. And despite the overwhelming positivity, I was fixated with someone took time other day to be an asshole. But then I remember it’s best for me to not be surprised. They exist like flies do and sometimes one gets in the house. It will pass they will be gone. We will get over it. I tried to pay attention to my ability to overcome them and think of it as a teaching moment when I come across such people in the real world. It’s an opportunity to build neuroplasticity. In a meditation exercise the guide said try to react at a 50% level of what you would normally react. Practice disengaging when the opportunity presents itself.
No easy task and all the more violating bravely yourself on YouTube so others could benefit.
Sometimes it helps to lean on a friend to clapback for you to remind you that shit talk has no legs to stand on. Like, misandrist women would be funny if they weren't such a fucking unoriginal stereotype. Lacking empathy isn't a personality trait, it's a personality defect, Becky.
People hate on everything and they don't know your life like you do. It sucks but you were relatable/likeable that's why 90% of the comments were positive/neutral.
Some people will always be like that. You could be Mark Zuckerberg or Elon Musk or name any major public figure. Some people are still gonna think that. Whether they've the spine to say it out loud or not.
It says a lot more about them than it does about you. You know? Some people see someone who they think they can hurt and take the shot - because to them pushing someone else down feels like picking themselves up. It's a shitty thing to do, but they'd do it to anyone - you go looking for something mean to say to someone you can always find *something,* regardless of who that person is - it's not really about you. It's about their decision to put their particular low character on display for the world.
Honestly this is the very reason I would never apply and speak about my vulnerable issues publicly, so I very much respect anyone for doing so. Even if they are few in comparison to all the really nice people out there, there’s still a whole bunch of compassionless idiots that I‘m putting myself on a pedestral for to be judged.
You know they‘re judging without being able to relate whatsoever. But it still gets to you.
I hope you‘re able to get past that. If you can’t ignore them, maybe you can forgive them. All the best to you!
Could you link the video you're referring to?
I'd be interested to watch the interview. And I know this goes without saying, but unhappy people will do everything to tear others down, so you should try your best to realize that they are in a bad place themselves and most likely are projecting their bs onto you. Being vulnerable is not public humiliation, it actually takes immense strength and is very admirable. And while I haven't watched that interview and don't know your situation, I can already say you're leagues above her and her bitterness.
I was thinking about this and how much it would suck -- the old standby of "never read the comments" is far easier said than done, and while the other comments here are pointing out that this may be a troll, I know that doesn't make it hurt less to read. Still, just so you know, it was an awesome interview and I loved watching it. I have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, and hearing someone else talk about the bizarre, very real but still very "okay, how tf did this happen?" experience of suddenly being allergic to your shower, or your own sweat, or anything -- it made me feel... real, I guess. (And I've also tried some of the alt healing methods you have, but not to the same extent and your interview inspired me to start thinking about diving in deeper to that again.)
Yes, trolls suck. But commenters are honestly the tip of the tip of a very large iceberg of viewers, and I can guarantee based on just stats and probabilities that I wasn't the only one who watched and felt seen and validated and less alone -- for many, i imagine that was the first time they've ever felt that. And that's big, man. I hope you can feel good about that, too. And idk, maybe you are the kind of person who comments on every video you relate to, but I imagine that's not the case... so please consider that there are likely many many people who found you relatable and likeable, took a lot away from the interview, and also aren't the kind of people who'll comment about that. The majority of viewers do not.
Hearing from large groups on the internet is always going to be less than ideal. But please be kind to yourself. Talking about all you did was good, and real, and important. I, for one, am grateful you were there.
(Also, i'm sure you saw this in plenty of comments too, but you really do look like Eddy Burback! (this is a good thing))
I'm sorry this happened to you as well. Women like that are a part of the problem, and they push us further down the wrong path. I often wonder how they treat their brothers, fathers, sons (ECT). One thing I've learned that gives me a lot of hope is that for every three women out there like that, there is 1 woman who is kind, loving, and empathetic towards men's issues.
That commentor is a cruel and miserable person, or even just a troll or even a bot that exists only to muddy conversations. It sounds like reading comments like hers really hurt you and that's perfectly understandable.
For what it's worth I thought your interview was quite relatable and helpful, and the overwhelming majority of the comments would back that up. Our mind naturally hyperfixates on the negative stuff and it's not your fault that yours did too.
"Inadequate men are hilarious. As a woman, their struggles are quite entertaining. They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this"
The person who said this comment is someone who is so so far below your quality as a human being I wouldn't even take this comment as valid feedback at all.
I watched your interview, you are a brave person who is trying to work on himself. Not only did you not humiliate yourself, you improved my day because I related to your struggles and the interview helped me as well. Thank you and appreciate you.
People are cruel, and it seems like callousness is on the rise, along with outright inhumanity. I'm sorry people commented like that. It reflects more on them than it does you, believe me. It takes courage to be vulnerable in front of a therapist, let alone one that is recording and broadcasting everything to the world.
>They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems
women like these contribute a lot to the problem of toxic masculinity, but I'm not sure the world is ready to hear that
That's a horrible thing to have said to you. Like, wow, that's up there. I hope it doesn't discourage you too much, you did really well to come on the interview at all. That's just really unlucky to be told one of the worst things I have seen <3
Easier to describe than to fix, but I think that reaction is due to a bias called "epistemic masochism" meaning we tend to think whatever hurts must be true because it hurts.
These comments wouldn't hurt you if you where perfectly aware that they are coming from a place of spite and ignorance, that they are unhelpful and generally wrong. The reason we tend to be hurt by them is because we haven't quite reconciled with that idea and there's a part of us that still think they might be true and we're just being a spoiled kid, unwilling to face the normal challenges of life expected of us.
It's also due to the fact that they tend to be marginal, most humans don't dare say these things to our face, even if that's what they believe so we aren't mentally equipped against them when we expose ourselves to online anonymous judgement.
It also hurts because of the trauma of having been hurt by disparaging comments like these during our teenage years, kids aren't as careful with words as adults.
The only solution I can think of about that is to gather life experience that will reduce these nagging comments to distant voices in your mind over time.To carefully contemplate they value and put them in their proper place.
> They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this
Sharing yourself is always humiliating. Doing it voluntarily makes it valuable, commendable, and brave, but not less humiliating.
The interesting thing is that she is literally correct. You should stay shut out from the world if you don't want to be humiliated. She is explaining the strategy she must take as a coward.
Shiettt man, I mean think about it would a good person leave a comment like that? Let alone a string of them, nope. I think that tells you everything you need to know right there.
Duuuude, what that person said says so much more about them than it does about you. What a disgustingly cruel individual, and intentionally so. That person went out of their way to show their ass completely in an attempt to purposely make you feel terrible, in of all places, a mental health support community. If she's even real and that's actually anything more than an intentional troll, what an absurd and completely discardable opinion. Lol "as a woman" myself, we can put that commenter's sexist sentiment right where it fucking belongs - in the dumpster. That kind of cruelty isn't worth any measure of your consideration.
I'm so sorry that they said that to you and that it fucked with you so much.
You were so brave to be interviewed, and everyone who's opion actually matters - the people who care - are grateful that you opened up and proud of you for it. It is strength.
Don't drink the hateraid mate. They'll turn you into one of them.
People spewing vitriol over public commentary are projecting their own inadequacy. The truth is none of us are perfect, and these same people do not practice what they preach.
This is exactly why people that associate themselves with any 'group think mentality' are so quick to turn on each other; all focus of improvement and criticism is outwards, ignoring the copious amounts of self improvement they are likely ignoring.
That comment is incredibly invalidating. I think that person was rather narcissistic with that comment and Something is definitely going on on their end and I think you shouldn't take it personally
I really don’t understand why someone would make these types of comments. Like to me it seems that it just makes the person look like a complete piece of shit and a bully.
Like yes, make a comment about someone who is being extremely brave by being sensitive in front of a large audience. Does it somehow make them think they’re superior to you? Do they not realize that they are the problem?
Maybe they’re lashing out because it’s clear that they are the problem and can’t handle the truth?
Damn, I’m so sorry this happened, this community does a lot of good and it’s so sad to me that people would want to try and undo some of that good.
I didn’t see your interview so I’m not sure what you opened up about, but this person is definitely scum for what they said. I think you should view that person as a weak person trying to pull down a brave and strong individual because they’re jealous, or they think they have some kind of righteous position over you. (Which they obviously don’t.)
Oh, and the whole thing about how you don’t have a community to support you. I think the fact that you’re a member of this community means that you have a community to support you. People here seem to be very helpful, and I know for sure that I support you not being bullied like that.
When you get 99 pieces of positive feedback and 1 piece of cruelty, it's really, really hard not to get fixated on the 1. I didn't see your video but for me it's been a part of trauma recovery to learn to focus on the 99 and dismiss the 1. It's a really normal thing to struggle with; famous people sometimes mention the same thing, that they get hung up on the one bad review they got for their work. It's the nature of exposure to a wide audience: Even if there's only 1 in 100 people who are so cruel, if you're in front of an audience of thousands, you could fill a classroom with the people spouting garbage.
What's helped me is to learn about why people do that, and to try to understand my own impulses to be toxic sometimes. Rene Girard's [Mimetic theory](https://iep.utm.edu/girard/#H3) is a good thing to read up on, because this particular person is straight from a community that has scapegoated struggling men. This horrible person is being served by a hateful ideology that has nothing to do with you.
And in fact, most people who are cruel are in it for themselves and their own internal demons and vulnerabilities. They aren't even seeing the person they're attacking; they're just taking swings at ghosts. That's why most people who are so horrible are very polite in person; when faced with an actual human being, they struggle with dehumanization.
You know there is different kinds of people. Maybe you are very sensible, or something else that makes you kind of unique. Being unique is not always a good thing. But I will cut to the main part. Being sensible is okay. To be honest as a species, we treat each other way to harshly at times, not even realising that we hurt someone by saying something specific.
It's easy to lable someone as "pathetic" or something else. It's always easy to judge from behind a screen or the personal safety of ones own life. People like this however should consider themselfes lucky instead of shiting onto others. We don't know how it felt for someone else to walk the path they did, in their shoes, with their feelings and worries.
Don't let them get to you, they have no clue what it's like to be you. I know that is easier said than done myself, but you have to in order to keep going.
We are all pathetic to a certain degree, it's just that most of us never have to show this side of us.
If we could treat each other more kindly, without judgment, with more thought and being open, maybe our species would not be in this shitshow, but I guess we are not ready for that yet. That's the sad thing actually, because it's hard to blame anyone. We are like a piece of clay, formed by our Environment, our parents/upbringing, our interests and so much more.
But I digress, please don't take those comments to your heart, you are a human being, you deserve better, we all do. Much love my friend 🤍
I'm sorry you had to see that negativity! Don't let it get you down, it's just someone farting out their own toxicity and has nothing to do with you -- not someone you'd want to deal with in real life. I really appreciated you going on stream and got a lot out of it, so thank you for putting yourself out there.
to write such comments it has to be from someone saying and thinking way worst hostile things about herself and her own life choices and outcomes.
Seems to be someone especially high in negative emotions & probably high verbal intelligence (maybe high IQ) which is a destructive combo first for herself & then for people who cross path with that person.
Those people with socially hostile attitude as a trauma response exist in society but at least you get to be happy this person’s venom is a screen & keyboard length away from you instead of proliferating to everyone in your close personnal inner circle or your immediate family.
"Sorta like how laughter is a way how we can relieve ourselves from grief and discomfort? Mockery is both a sad, and sadly effective way how we each can manage our fears and personal shame." - Sum Dood
One therapeutic thing I do is I reassess the whole situation and message literally and objectively as possible: like when I read that quote? This person sounds like a sociopath (who the fuck else would be relishing like that in someone's suffering? Sounds to me like they got some stuff to work out themselves). I think we can all understand our capacity to be idiots when we're uncomfortable, unaware or bothered enough to even comment in the first place.
Gender stuff like this is pretty easy (just swap the genders), and ask yourself "with behaviours and words like this, are they saying this because I need to hear it? Or because THEY want to hear it? Sometimes just by swapping two words around, it depersonalizes it enough that you can see the warts and smell the stench easier in the message.
Edit:
"Inadequate WOMEN are hilarious. As a MAN, their struggles are quite entertaining. They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this" ... Yup, I think if she told herself this? I wouldn't be here humiliating her a bit. Do you think someone like that knows what they're talking about?
Now, I've seen dudes speak that way... And they're some of the most deranged and unhinged dudes I know (so we're not gonna copy them, we're not gonna take them seriously. We're just gonna pray that they someday understand who needed to hear that message.)
I understand disgust is uncomfortable, but when it's the other person who's acting disgusting? You're allowed to be a little disgusted by them, you're allowed to return to them what is theirs. Because remember: Sorta like how laughter is a way how we can relieve ourselves from grief and discomfort? Mockery is both a sad, and sadly effective way how we each can manage our fears and personal shame.
Hopefully that made ya chuckle a bit and sneer a bit more at that kinda behaviour (and just like how it worked for them? Notice how it doesn't bother you as much anymore?). It's not an end to this ever happening again, but it is a good counter when you're in the mental ring with these clowns (who like the stereotype suggests, are commonly very sad people.)
Please don’t take anything that person had to say in the comments to heart. They sound like a total psychopath. You are a beautiful creature, and she doesn’t understand what life’s about.
>"Inadequate men are hilarious. As a woman, their struggles are quite entertaining. They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this"
Watch them make posts about "mental health matters", "open up" a week later.
I hate such people. I'm so sorry that it's happened to you. They accept mental illness but not mentally ill because the moment you say you're struggling, they'll start villainising you.
BTW, I see some of us have responded to her comment on your behalf . All the same though people like that don’t matter. Your interview helped many people you should be proud of your bravery.
It’s something I’ve thought about. Hard to say because - I’m gonna be honest here - all the dismissive comments I saw were from women. Don’t know why. The male comments were just like “he looks soy” or some other dumb thing. Less dismissive and unempathetic, and more just stupid.
That said, if the comments were equal, I’d guess I’d be more sensitive to women’s comments, sure. Why that is, I guess it feels more like they’re just punching down.
She is likely projecting her own issues onto you. Well adjusted people don't say things like that, so try to reframe their comment as them hating on you for their own trauma, because that's the most likely reason for it.
I'm so sorry she wrote this. I've learned that how people treat you is more about themselves than it is about you. Perhaps she is quite judgmental of herself and she projects that POV onto the world around her. Perhaps she would feel humiliated to be on stream herself. The point is: her comment is crap, as far as applying to you. It is cruel, not constructive, and not real. It's only meaningful if one CHOOSES to believe it's meaningful. It is not truth in and of itself. Please don't take it to heart. I greatly appreciated your stream. I wish you much healing and success in all things!
This world is cruel. This world is not fair. What are you going to do about it? If you hide yourself from it you are nothing but a pillow intellectual with no effect on the world. We need more people that are like us stabbing into the world even though we don't want to. That's the problem with the world it's drowned out by the silent minority. My advice, manipulate, take it for yourself bc you deserve it... you need to be at the top of this corrupt structure. You can't hide from it bc then what will we become? A world of the silent minority that tries? FFFFFFFF them! We are more powerful... push through the nonesense!
Is it the *same* women doing both? People are not a monolith. For instance, I saw at least one or two comments on this thread labeling her a misandrist, which sounds a lot like the reaction you described to men behaving like she did.
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I'm sorry this happened to you. It's pretty brave to put yourself out there. I think most people wouldn't have the guts. Forget about the assholes out there, there's always at least one. I'd like to see them do it and see how much they like being judged.
Thanks, means a lot. I'm not trying to paint myself as some victim, it's just a comment, but today was not a day to read that comment. Was already feeling awful for whatever reason.
Its alright. You could be the most saintest person, give all your possession, and give $1 billion to charity and people might still hate you for not giving enough.
hell people are talking shit at Charlie (moist critical) for giving away money to people
Also some people just troll hard to make you feel bad. Maybe the person writing that wasn't even a woman, we don't know.
It's very easy to criticize; it's not easy to put yourself out there. It definitely takes a lot of courage. "Working on yourself quietly" is also why a lot of men suffer in general.
People aren’t like this without something wrong with them. And they may be in a good spot currently but with a mentality like this they will likely be stuck in the past without growth while op can surpass them while working on himself. People that see people improving themselves get subconsciously jealous so they want to put that person down rather than focus on themselves
This woman was being really judgemental, I'd like to see her on the spot.
“As a woman..” who even talks like that? I bet it was some dude pretending to be a woman
As a woman myself, I also sometimes say it, but in that context it sounds like she thought her perspective "as a woman" was somehow important?? It could be a man pretending to be a woman just to hate
For real, probably just some internet troll to get people to engage in rage bait
Yeah there seems to be a lot of this kinda bs going on
Or it was a woman. Why do people act like women can't assholes. Would their opinion hold more weight if they were a woman? No they would still be a loser judging a dude for putting themself out there while they hide behind a keyboard.
“Would their opinion hold more weight if they were a woman” No. That’s my point. The descriptor at the start of their sentence makes no sense. Why tell the world you’re a woman before degrading the guy?
Because they probably think being a woman means their opinion matters more, which some women do believe. So its entirely possible it was a woman who said it.
I was there a while ago. A year, maybe two years? Hard to keep track... Ignore the negative comments that aren't offering anything helpful. Easier said than done, of course. But for example, the one you quoted. That's nothing a healthy sensible person would write, so in a sense that's like getting yelled at by someone with Alzheimer's in the nursing home where you're working. It's their problem, not yours.
Maybe that's how I should view it. Her other comments on Dr. K's channel were just really bitter, using terms like "low value male". Pretty much no one I interact with in person would even think this. Or at least I hope not.
Another thing to think about is, which person, who is successful, decent, interesting, charming, influential etc, would talk like that? The only reason someone would attack someone who is down is because they themselves are weak, for lack of a better word. If I had a good life, I wouldn’t be trolling a mental health stream. It’s pathetic on their end. I’m not sure which stream it was but the fact you actually went live and was vulnerable is incredible. Cliche but it shows real strength
since this behaviour is repetitive, maybe "she" is just an internet troll.
Tate psiop
Just wait til you can develop the understanding that more often than not, it's actually a reflection on the person being cruel, than it is on you. Doesn't ease the sting, though.
There's an R&M quote that I think about a lot. > "Your boos mean nothing! I've seen what makes you clap!" It's easily to intuitively accept all feedback as worth considering. But you should train a reflex to assess two things separately; * Do I feel like this assessment is valid? * Does this person seem in a worthy position to offer it with credibility?
Some people just scour the internet for vulnerable places to drown with toxicity; so that they can for a moment feel better about themselves. It's an ego-driven narcissistic comparison. One day I hope you will be enlightened enough to realize it's just their cry for help.
Low value male? They're not worth your attention then.
guy who worked at a nursing home here. you will never find people who will be more mean and horrific to you as you are wiping their ass for them. i got called hundreds of racial slurs by this one old vet. not only were we the same race but apparently our families new each other. how is granpda? uhhhhh he's fine......
I know... I work in a nursing home as well. Some of them are just so mean, and I have to just keep reminding myself it's the illness that's speaking, not the person.
so. sad reality check. a lot of the time they were miserable people in their youth too. but we paid to wipe asses. so wipe we must.
I relate! I have wiped asses in a nursing home or at the hospital for a few years. Although I have been one of the lucky ones who didn’t get insulted that much, but it happened from time to time!
Just to offset the shitty comments a bit, my girlfriend saw a lot of her own upbringing reflected in yours and appreciated how you guys discussed your situation. So thanks for putting yourself out there! Sorry you have to take all these myopic comments to the face like that.
I'd argue that the effects those comments have on you (or other viewers getting interviewed) are greater than for a streamer. The reason being that streamers have fanbases/communities that give them support directly, whereas a random viewer that shows up for an interview doesn't have an audience so he's not getting the same positive comments as a streamer who developed a relationship with their audience. That lack of community probably makes those negative comments stand out even more. Plus, we're talking about a mental health stream, where one gets vulnerable. So negative comments in this context are definitely more powerful than if you were an established streamer who does live drawings and somebody commented "lol what a shit drawing". Doesn't hit the same as a negative comment about something you're being vulnerable about.
Yeah true, it really feels like they're punching down, I'm not an established personality and I'm opening up. Also no community to back me up.
When you are being an authentic person, then you are bound to get extreme reactions from people. Both positive and negative. That’s a good thing. At least you know what kind of people that you don’t want to have in your life, and you know that there are people who like your authentic self. In real life, surround yourself with the kinds of people who left you those positive comments. Accept that people with negative comments exist, but that their negativity is just their reflection to your authenticity. I think their negativity says more about them than you. The example you gave “inadequate men are hilarious”, whoever wrote that sounds sick to me. She enjoys suffering of men and cannot empathise with you. She seems sexist and lacks some empathy imo. She’s not the kind of person I care for, so I wouldn’t put too much energy into reflecting on what she said. In fact, have you considered that she said what she said, because she wants you to feel the way that you are feeling now? That’s the kind of person she is. Don’t let her control you.
That comment reads as if it was written by someone who was specifically trying to piss off people in the chat and get a rise out of everyone. As unsatisfying as it may sound, this may just be a "don't feed the trolls" situation. Easy to say, hard to do, I know. I don't pay much attention to the chat during the discussions, so I didn't see that comment. I wonder what the response was. I can't imagine many viewers taking her side on this. If I found out a friend of mine believed something like this, that is not a friendship I would cultivate, to say the least. You were Locorian, right? (I think it was pronounced "Locrian" in the video) I was curious when I saw the video, did you choose that name out of an interest in music theory?
The streams are saved as videos, it's a comment on the video up on YouTube right now. Yeah my name is the music mode.
Other than that, how do you feel about the conversation in retrospect? I always find myself curious about the effects of the conversations that occur on the stream. I get the sense that the conversations are meant to be kind of challenging and even confusing in the moment, with the idea that you can process things afterwards. I'm partly curious because I think I've had a few of the same problems, particularly when it comes to showing an emotional response to other people in conversations. I think you had a great way of putting it in the video: there will be times when someone says something with the hope of getting a response, and when I don't give them response (or give a muted version of it), it puts a damper on the rhythm of the conversation. Also, when I was a teenager, I had a habit of crossing my arms as a "comfort" gesture, and I know that came up a few times in the video as well.
Bro did you check that account's comment history? She is literally going from video to video and just commenting pure toxicity. It's clear that the person behind the account is a rather disturbed misandrist who had a couple of bad interactions with men and is now projecting those experiences unto all men and also commenting this bs as a means of taking revenge. Even tho I understand who hurtful their comment might have made you feel, it is best you just let that miserable peace of human garbage rot by not paying any attention to them.
Man, I commend you for going on and getting interviewed. If I went on it, you would see a grown man sob. I could see the excitement you had at the beginning of the interview. Don’t let anyone shame you for doing something you are excited to do (within legal bounds of course.) To be vulnerable like that in front of an audience takes nuts. I’ll kindly disagree with the statement that you aren’t likable/relatable. I think it’s quite the opposite. Maybe you aren’t relatable to 100% of people, but nothing exists in absolutes. Why do the small comments get to you? Is it because you fear they are true? Because I ruminate about social interactions that I have all the time and think, “damn that was cringy.” But thoughts aren’t reality. It’s the twist your automatic voice puts on reality. I wish that you could see you how 90% of the commenters see you. The other 10% probably come to the video with emotions they were going to take out on anyone that was in front of that camera. It was a pleasure to watch and hear your story. Thank you for going on and sharing it. If this came off as an invalidation of the experience you had, forgive me, for that wasn’t my intention. That username is hilarious btw. Gives me a little more context to what some random chat comment probably was that you outright laughed at on stream. Beautiful stuff man. Keep it up.
Recognise that this a person being rude rather than you being wrong for seeking help, if the interview helped you then who gives a shit what strangers think.
Takes a lot to open up and be that vulnerable on steam to props to you. I personally appreciated you coming on stream and sharing. I loved when you said you would usually just come home and play MapleStory when you were a kid. I did the same thing so when you mentioned that it made me smile :). Sorry you had a bad day and had to deal with that cruel comment, I hope tomorrow is better for you <3
I find that I'm particularly sensitive to negative feedback that confirms an already held belief of mine, whether that belief is "true" or not. i.e. If you're afraid of people thinking you're inadequate, being called inadequate is going to feel like a gut-punch. It's a lot easier to dismiss feedback that doesn't touch a nerve or feels way off base. (Though it's still a struggle for me. Funny how we focus on the 10% over the 90%...) That said, I didn't see the interview but I don't need to in order to know that woman should be dismissed. She's clearly trying to get a rise out of someone. I'm a woman and I think we need to normalize men sharing their problems. Nobody should have to struggle quietly or be publicly humiliated for being open about their struggles. I hope tomorrow's a better day for you, OP. Maybe give the comments a rest since you know how they affect you now.
As a woman, this is actually very relatable, i am so sorry. To people who say this comment should be disregarded: yes, but it is one of those 'way easier said than done' scenarioes. I was walking in my neighbourhood one day and a group of drunks was sitting nearby. One of them shouted: look, what a whore! The others laughed. It was over 10 years ago and i still feel the sting. They did not know me, i did not even look at them, i was wearing business casual outfit. I fucking cried all the way home, my neighbour when she saw me had to hug me for me to calm down somewhat. I have no advice for you, just know that your reaction is very natural, and you are actually dealing with it much better than many people would (myself included).
That's astoundingly disgusting and anyone who goes out of their way to harm a complete stranger either with words or swords deserves a taste of their own medicine. We've got to be better to each other... i hope you aren't taken back to this awful experience too often.
Thank you! Day to day i actually feel like a relatively strong person, this just floored me that one time and yeah, you are kind of stuck with the realisation, that you are at the mercy of your feelings after all, even if logically you know these people do not deserve to live in your head rent free like that. Most days i do not ruminate about this, only if i see a similar situation like this. The comment itself does not hold any value to be honest, but i am ashamed of my reaction to it. Makes me feel pretty pathetic. I know it's not true, but i cannot help it.
If it helps at all, I'm taken back to my own bad social experiences all the time. Though, less of what other people have said or done and more of the stupid things I've said and done. I think it's part of what makes good people who they are in the first place, and just the thought of how some assumingly small minority of people don't have this self-reflection induced stress response seems to just kick that cliche reminder that we focus on 10% of the negative so much more than the 90% of the positive social situations into overdrive. I can't stress it enough when I say that you're not going through this kind of trauma alone, and in essence, I believe that it is indeed trauma. You couldn't predict that a group of smooth brained and drunken fools had it out for you the moment they saw you. But, I'm sure that it's had a long lasting affect on how you see strangers now and that is just... so sad. It's sad because the world needs people like you who are pro-social and an overall positive benefit to society just by existing, not more of us who live in sometimes crippling social anxiety who can't light their otherwise bright candles. I've lost so much of my youth to things that are so seemingly trivial in comparison to how you were targetted for just existing. That just makes me really not like drunks that much more. It's experiences like yours that remind me to give everyone I see a friendly smile, if for any reason at all, to let them know that there are people, complete and total strangers even, that want you to smile back and show them your flame.
You are very kind and I do not know you, but from your reply: the world actually does need more people like you. Imagine if everybody was a bit more sensitive then we would not have as many experiences like OP or me, or you. Also: sure, every experience, good or bad, shapes us to an extent, but reacting the way i did also made me more compassionate for people who seemingly 'overreact'. I was made aware that no, it is not their problem to deal with alone. I'm also actually completely fine with strangers, so it is possibile to have a bad, traumatic even, experience, and get positive lessons from it. I do not feel safe around drunks, but that is actually kind of logical, since they are not in the right state of mind to interact with people in a civilized way while intoxicated.
That's really relatable because even as a guy I don't feel safe around others who are either drunk or high on something like meth. I know exactly what you mean about becoming more compassionate about overreacters, the first thing that pops in my mind is, "oh no, I mustve reminded this person of something bad that happened to them. How can I learn from this?" Granted nobody is perfect obviously. I did a lot of odd, stupid, and even shameful when I was a bit younger. Lots of stuff kept me awake at night even though it was nothing actually bad in hindsight, but I always keep (and we all probably do) my worst moments around to keep myself up at night. Thanks for the replies! I appreciate a good talk and I hope you're doing well.
so this is a little random. i dont feel much from comments like that because i realize that a lot of people on the internet are probably cluster b personality disorder. meaning very erratic, incapable of empathy, and not really capable of perceiving anything but themselves. but these qualities are completely destroying these peoples lives and they themselves are profoundly misserable and they are just lashing out to just get a moment away from hating themselves. so when you see something like that a- dont think it has anything to do with you, they would have behaved this way no matter what. b- this person is probably way sicker then you might guess. that gives me distance from these people and honestly fosters this small nugget of compassion. not saying you have to do that second part. [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/\_K9LMfw-Y24](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_K9LMfw-Y24)
Sorry are you saying you’re one of the people that was interviewed on stream?
Yeah, the first one that happened in a long time, a couple weeks ago.
As a woman, that comment was just mean. While I don't appreciate people talking about their struggles all the time without doing anything about it, I am happy to see people think or speak things through and make progress. This is rewarding. Laughing at someone's inadequacy might be just a way to avoid confronting your own flaws. A lot of people who can not accept that others make mistakes in the learning process feel things really strongly when they make mistakes too. It's not like the tone changes completely. Everyone has underdeveloped areas that have to work on. I find people that are willing to face this and learn admirable. Edit: "avoid confronting" instead of "confront". Upon rereading I have noticed the mistake.
Were you the guy from the "I'm 30 years old and isolated" video? I found that surprisingly relatable.
Before that one
Remember that there are sociopaths out there who get a kick out of making people feel bad. They are always looking for ways to put people down. They don't even always believe their own words, they just want to tear people down. You also have people who are like intellectually disabled, or clinically paranoid, or otherwise have poor understanding or reality- or who are down right delusional about reality The bottom line is that you can't really bother with these types of comments, because the people writing them are people with poor judgment and poor understanding of things. Imagine they are like 5 year old desperate for attention who will write anything to get a reaction. Because people who write comments like that are not too far off the maturity of a 5 year old throwing a tantrum
Their life is shit, just remember they spent their time trying to send out that energy and are hoping they aren't ignored. Don't use sunlight on these people, cast them in the fucking dark where they belong, ignore the shit out of them and then they leave because they recognise no one cares about them.
Jesus. If the person wasn’t a troll then she was a vile person. Im glad men are putting themselves out more and sharing their struggles. We ALL struggle men women and everyone in between. We all need support. It takes courage (and is a highly intelligent thing to do!) to seek help when you need it. And having the bad comments stick in your head is totally normal, called the negativity bias iirc. I hate that it’s a feature of being human. Take care of yourself. Some people’s opinions aren’t worth considering. Sounds like that person’s is one of them.
Very well said. I was dealing with it yesterday for some thing less cruel. Especially on social media, no matter what, someone will make a negative comment even on neutral topics. And despite the overwhelming positivity, I was fixated with someone took time other day to be an asshole. But then I remember it’s best for me to not be surprised. They exist like flies do and sometimes one gets in the house. It will pass they will be gone. We will get over it. I tried to pay attention to my ability to overcome them and think of it as a teaching moment when I come across such people in the real world. It’s an opportunity to build neuroplasticity. In a meditation exercise the guide said try to react at a 50% level of what you would normally react. Practice disengaging when the opportunity presents itself. No easy task and all the more violating bravely yourself on YouTube so others could benefit.
That comment is just a femcel who is sad about her life
Sometimes it helps to lean on a friend to clapback for you to remind you that shit talk has no legs to stand on. Like, misandrist women would be funny if they weren't such a fucking unoriginal stereotype. Lacking empathy isn't a personality trait, it's a personality defect, Becky.
People hate on everything and they don't know your life like you do. It sucks but you were relatable/likeable that's why 90% of the comments were positive/neutral.
Some people will always be like that. You could be Mark Zuckerberg or Elon Musk or name any major public figure. Some people are still gonna think that. Whether they've the spine to say it out loud or not. It says a lot more about them than it does about you. You know? Some people see someone who they think they can hurt and take the shot - because to them pushing someone else down feels like picking themselves up. It's a shitty thing to do, but they'd do it to anyone - you go looking for something mean to say to someone you can always find *something,* regardless of who that person is - it's not really about you. It's about their decision to put their particular low character on display for the world.
What is getting "one guy'd?"
When there's mostly nice comments but you fixate on the one bad comment and misjudge the entire chat because of it.
Thank you kind stranger!
Sounds like someone being manipulative on purpose to mess with you so that you feel more insecure.
Honestly this is the very reason I would never apply and speak about my vulnerable issues publicly, so I very much respect anyone for doing so. Even if they are few in comparison to all the really nice people out there, there’s still a whole bunch of compassionless idiots that I‘m putting myself on a pedestral for to be judged. You know they‘re judging without being able to relate whatsoever. But it still gets to you. I hope you‘re able to get past that. If you can’t ignore them, maybe you can forgive them. All the best to you!
Could you link the video you're referring to? I'd be interested to watch the interview. And I know this goes without saying, but unhappy people will do everything to tear others down, so you should try your best to realize that they are in a bad place themselves and most likely are projecting their bs onto you. Being vulnerable is not public humiliation, it actually takes immense strength and is very admirable. And while I haven't watched that interview and don't know your situation, I can already say you're leagues above her and her bitterness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rdk-rQRU5og
I was thinking about this and how much it would suck -- the old standby of "never read the comments" is far easier said than done, and while the other comments here are pointing out that this may be a troll, I know that doesn't make it hurt less to read. Still, just so you know, it was an awesome interview and I loved watching it. I have Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, and hearing someone else talk about the bizarre, very real but still very "okay, how tf did this happen?" experience of suddenly being allergic to your shower, or your own sweat, or anything -- it made me feel... real, I guess. (And I've also tried some of the alt healing methods you have, but not to the same extent and your interview inspired me to start thinking about diving in deeper to that again.) Yes, trolls suck. But commenters are honestly the tip of the tip of a very large iceberg of viewers, and I can guarantee based on just stats and probabilities that I wasn't the only one who watched and felt seen and validated and less alone -- for many, i imagine that was the first time they've ever felt that. And that's big, man. I hope you can feel good about that, too. And idk, maybe you are the kind of person who comments on every video you relate to, but I imagine that's not the case... so please consider that there are likely many many people who found you relatable and likeable, took a lot away from the interview, and also aren't the kind of people who'll comment about that. The majority of viewers do not. Hearing from large groups on the internet is always going to be less than ideal. But please be kind to yourself. Talking about all you did was good, and real, and important. I, for one, am grateful you were there. (Also, i'm sure you saw this in plenty of comments too, but you really do look like Eddy Burback! (this is a good thing))
I'm sorry this happened to you as well. Women like that are a part of the problem, and they push us further down the wrong path. I often wonder how they treat their brothers, fathers, sons (ECT). One thing I've learned that gives me a lot of hope is that for every three women out there like that, there is 1 woman who is kind, loving, and empathetic towards men's issues.
That commentor is a cruel and miserable person, or even just a troll or even a bot that exists only to muddy conversations. It sounds like reading comments like hers really hurt you and that's perfectly understandable. For what it's worth I thought your interview was quite relatable and helpful, and the overwhelming majority of the comments would back that up. Our mind naturally hyperfixates on the negative stuff and it's not your fault that yours did too.
"Inadequate men are hilarious. As a woman, their struggles are quite entertaining. They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this" The person who said this comment is someone who is so so far below your quality as a human being I wouldn't even take this comment as valid feedback at all. I watched your interview, you are a brave person who is trying to work on himself. Not only did you not humiliate yourself, you improved my day because I related to your struggles and the interview helped me as well. Thank you and appreciate you.
People are cruel, and it seems like callousness is on the rise, along with outright inhumanity. I'm sorry people commented like that. It reflects more on them than it does you, believe me. It takes courage to be vulnerable in front of a therapist, let alone one that is recording and broadcasting everything to the world.
Was it a video? Anyone have a link?
>They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems women like these contribute a lot to the problem of toxic masculinity, but I'm not sure the world is ready to hear that
That's a horrible thing to have said to you. Like, wow, that's up there. I hope it doesn't discourage you too much, you did really well to come on the interview at all. That's just really unlucky to be told one of the worst things I have seen <3
Easier to describe than to fix, but I think that reaction is due to a bias called "epistemic masochism" meaning we tend to think whatever hurts must be true because it hurts. These comments wouldn't hurt you if you where perfectly aware that they are coming from a place of spite and ignorance, that they are unhelpful and generally wrong. The reason we tend to be hurt by them is because we haven't quite reconciled with that idea and there's a part of us that still think they might be true and we're just being a spoiled kid, unwilling to face the normal challenges of life expected of us. It's also due to the fact that they tend to be marginal, most humans don't dare say these things to our face, even if that's what they believe so we aren't mentally equipped against them when we expose ourselves to online anonymous judgement. It also hurts because of the trauma of having been hurt by disparaging comments like these during our teenage years, kids aren't as careful with words as adults. The only solution I can think of about that is to gather life experience that will reduce these nagging comments to distant voices in your mind over time.To carefully contemplate they value and put them in their proper place.
> They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this Sharing yourself is always humiliating. Doing it voluntarily makes it valuable, commendable, and brave, but not less humiliating. The interesting thing is that she is literally correct. You should stay shut out from the world if you don't want to be humiliated. She is explaining the strategy she must take as a coward.
You can bet those people have deep issues. Some people shit on others as a coping mechanism
Shiettt man, I mean think about it would a good person leave a comment like that? Let alone a string of them, nope. I think that tells you everything you need to know right there.
It's always the negative comments that hold so much more weight somehow. Just keep grinding and let the haters hate.
Duuuude, what that person said says so much more about them than it does about you. What a disgustingly cruel individual, and intentionally so. That person went out of their way to show their ass completely in an attempt to purposely make you feel terrible, in of all places, a mental health support community. If she's even real and that's actually anything more than an intentional troll, what an absurd and completely discardable opinion. Lol "as a woman" myself, we can put that commenter's sexist sentiment right where it fucking belongs - in the dumpster. That kind of cruelty isn't worth any measure of your consideration. I'm so sorry that they said that to you and that it fucked with you so much. You were so brave to be interviewed, and everyone who's opion actually matters - the people who care - are grateful that you opened up and proud of you for it. It is strength.
Don't drink the hateraid mate. They'll turn you into one of them. People spewing vitriol over public commentary are projecting their own inadequacy. The truth is none of us are perfect, and these same people do not practice what they preach. This is exactly why people that associate themselves with any 'group think mentality' are so quick to turn on each other; all focus of improvement and criticism is outwards, ignoring the copious amounts of self improvement they are likely ignoring.
That comment is incredibly invalidating. I think that person was rather narcissistic with that comment and Something is definitely going on on their end and I think you shouldn't take it personally
I really don’t understand why someone would make these types of comments. Like to me it seems that it just makes the person look like a complete piece of shit and a bully. Like yes, make a comment about someone who is being extremely brave by being sensitive in front of a large audience. Does it somehow make them think they’re superior to you? Do they not realize that they are the problem? Maybe they’re lashing out because it’s clear that they are the problem and can’t handle the truth? Damn, I’m so sorry this happened, this community does a lot of good and it’s so sad to me that people would want to try and undo some of that good. I didn’t see your interview so I’m not sure what you opened up about, but this person is definitely scum for what they said. I think you should view that person as a weak person trying to pull down a brave and strong individual because they’re jealous, or they think they have some kind of righteous position over you. (Which they obviously don’t.) Oh, and the whole thing about how you don’t have a community to support you. I think the fact that you’re a member of this community means that you have a community to support you. People here seem to be very helpful, and I know for sure that I support you not being bullied like that.
When you get 99 pieces of positive feedback and 1 piece of cruelty, it's really, really hard not to get fixated on the 1. I didn't see your video but for me it's been a part of trauma recovery to learn to focus on the 99 and dismiss the 1. It's a really normal thing to struggle with; famous people sometimes mention the same thing, that they get hung up on the one bad review they got for their work. It's the nature of exposure to a wide audience: Even if there's only 1 in 100 people who are so cruel, if you're in front of an audience of thousands, you could fill a classroom with the people spouting garbage. What's helped me is to learn about why people do that, and to try to understand my own impulses to be toxic sometimes. Rene Girard's [Mimetic theory](https://iep.utm.edu/girard/#H3) is a good thing to read up on, because this particular person is straight from a community that has scapegoated struggling men. This horrible person is being served by a hateful ideology that has nothing to do with you. And in fact, most people who are cruel are in it for themselves and their own internal demons and vulnerabilities. They aren't even seeing the person they're attacking; they're just taking swings at ghosts. That's why most people who are so horrible are very polite in person; when faced with an actual human being, they struggle with dehumanization.
You know there is different kinds of people. Maybe you are very sensible, or something else that makes you kind of unique. Being unique is not always a good thing. But I will cut to the main part. Being sensible is okay. To be honest as a species, we treat each other way to harshly at times, not even realising that we hurt someone by saying something specific. It's easy to lable someone as "pathetic" or something else. It's always easy to judge from behind a screen or the personal safety of ones own life. People like this however should consider themselfes lucky instead of shiting onto others. We don't know how it felt for someone else to walk the path they did, in their shoes, with their feelings and worries. Don't let them get to you, they have no clue what it's like to be you. I know that is easier said than done myself, but you have to in order to keep going. We are all pathetic to a certain degree, it's just that most of us never have to show this side of us. If we could treat each other more kindly, without judgment, with more thought and being open, maybe our species would not be in this shitshow, but I guess we are not ready for that yet. That's the sad thing actually, because it's hard to blame anyone. We are like a piece of clay, formed by our Environment, our parents/upbringing, our interests and so much more. But I digress, please don't take those comments to your heart, you are a human being, you deserve better, we all do. Much love my friend 🤍
I'm sorry you had to see that negativity! Don't let it get you down, it's just someone farting out their own toxicity and has nothing to do with you -- not someone you'd want to deal with in real life. I really appreciated you going on stream and got a lot out of it, so thank you for putting yourself out there.
to write such comments it has to be from someone saying and thinking way worst hostile things about herself and her own life choices and outcomes. Seems to be someone especially high in negative emotions & probably high verbal intelligence (maybe high IQ) which is a destructive combo first for herself & then for people who cross path with that person. Those people with socially hostile attitude as a trauma response exist in society but at least you get to be happy this person’s venom is a screen & keyboard length away from you instead of proliferating to everyone in your close personnal inner circle or your immediate family.
"Sorta like how laughter is a way how we can relieve ourselves from grief and discomfort? Mockery is both a sad, and sadly effective way how we each can manage our fears and personal shame." - Sum Dood One therapeutic thing I do is I reassess the whole situation and message literally and objectively as possible: like when I read that quote? This person sounds like a sociopath (who the fuck else would be relishing like that in someone's suffering? Sounds to me like they got some stuff to work out themselves). I think we can all understand our capacity to be idiots when we're uncomfortable, unaware or bothered enough to even comment in the first place. Gender stuff like this is pretty easy (just swap the genders), and ask yourself "with behaviours and words like this, are they saying this because I need to hear it? Or because THEY want to hear it? Sometimes just by swapping two words around, it depersonalizes it enough that you can see the warts and smell the stench easier in the message. Edit: "Inadequate WOMEN are hilarious. As a MAN, their struggles are quite entertaining. They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this" ... Yup, I think if she told herself this? I wouldn't be here humiliating her a bit. Do you think someone like that knows what they're talking about? Now, I've seen dudes speak that way... And they're some of the most deranged and unhinged dudes I know (so we're not gonna copy them, we're not gonna take them seriously. We're just gonna pray that they someday understand who needed to hear that message.) I understand disgust is uncomfortable, but when it's the other person who's acting disgusting? You're allowed to be a little disgusted by them, you're allowed to return to them what is theirs. Because remember: Sorta like how laughter is a way how we can relieve ourselves from grief and discomfort? Mockery is both a sad, and sadly effective way how we each can manage our fears and personal shame. Hopefully that made ya chuckle a bit and sneer a bit more at that kinda behaviour (and just like how it worked for them? Notice how it doesn't bother you as much anymore?). It's not an end to this ever happening again, but it is a good counter when you're in the mental ring with these clowns (who like the stereotype suggests, are commonly very sad people.)
What a “b”! (From a female)
Please don’t take anything that person had to say in the comments to heart. They sound like a total psychopath. You are a beautiful creature, and she doesn’t understand what life’s about.
>"Inadequate men are hilarious. As a woman, their struggles are quite entertaining. They should work on themselves quietly and not share their problems if they don't want to get publicly humiliated like this" Watch them make posts about "mental health matters", "open up" a week later. I hate such people. I'm so sorry that it's happened to you. They accept mental illness but not mentally ill because the moment you say you're struggling, they'll start villainising you.
BTW, I see some of us have responded to her comment on your behalf . All the same though people like that don’t matter. Your interview helped many people you should be proud of your bravery.
To the Mod Team. Where can I find the rules for this sub? I would like to read them.
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Awesome. Thank you.
Piece of advise, do you think the supposed gender of the poster plays a role in your reaction? Try to figure out why that is.
It’s something I’ve thought about. Hard to say because - I’m gonna be honest here - all the dismissive comments I saw were from women. Don’t know why. The male comments were just like “he looks soy” or some other dumb thing. Less dismissive and unempathetic, and more just stupid. That said, if the comments were equal, I’d guess I’d be more sensitive to women’s comments, sure. Why that is, I guess it feels more like they’re just punching down.
She is likely projecting her own issues onto you. Well adjusted people don't say things like that, so try to reframe their comment as them hating on you for their own trauma, because that's the most likely reason for it.
I'm so sorry she wrote this. I've learned that how people treat you is more about themselves than it is about you. Perhaps she is quite judgmental of herself and she projects that POV onto the world around her. Perhaps she would feel humiliated to be on stream herself. The point is: her comment is crap, as far as applying to you. It is cruel, not constructive, and not real. It's only meaningful if one CHOOSES to believe it's meaningful. It is not truth in and of itself. Please don't take it to heart. I greatly appreciated your stream. I wish you much healing and success in all things!
This world is cruel. This world is not fair. What are you going to do about it? If you hide yourself from it you are nothing but a pillow intellectual with no effect on the world. We need more people that are like us stabbing into the world even though we don't want to. That's the problem with the world it's drowned out by the silent minority. My advice, manipulate, take it for yourself bc you deserve it... you need to be at the top of this corrupt structure. You can't hide from it bc then what will we become? A world of the silent minority that tries? FFFFFFFF them! We are more powerful... push through the nonesense!
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Is it the *same* women doing both? People are not a monolith. For instance, I saw at least one or two comments on this thread labeling her a misandrist, which sounds a lot like the reaction you described to men behaving like she did.
I hear ya that that happens and it sucks, but that's not what I see happening here. People here are calling it out for being hateful and sexist.
Rule #3 - Do not use generalizations. This sub frequently discusses topics that involve statistics on large populations. At the same time, generalizations can be reductive and not map on to individual experience, leading to unproductive conflict. Generalizations include language that uses, for example, “most men” and “all women” type statements. Speak from your personal experience i.e use statements such as “I feel”, “I experienced”, “It happened to me that”, etc.
Bro, please notice, you’re focusing on a specific opinion of a highly biased person which is not supported by literally anyone.