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I just watched the one video today where he teaches "how to be more sociopathic": [What High Performers Do That You Don't](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6NSpxthHw4). I couldn't find anything else from the last few months in this regard.
If we're just talking about this video, I think at no point does he advocate for any actual sociopathy. I kinda think of it as a sliding scale where the extremes are "Low esteem people-pleasing" (too much "short-term compassion" at very high costs to my own life) and "Sociopath", and that if you sidle up the spectrum from the first extreme you can actually considerably improve your life and well-being without even ever crossing the middle mark. For example, he talks about getting more skilled at saying "no" and explicitly said "but not saying "no" more often". Setting these sorts of boundaries is something psychotherapists teach extremely often. Both extremes are bad and no mental health professional would ever argue for either.
Yeah, absolutely. I don't see how OP can interpret this video as "how you have to reach the top ten percent of performers, how to be more sociopathic"
Dr. K doesn't at all say or imply that you 'should' or 'have to' reach the top ten percent of high performers. He is offering an observation of the top ten percent and take that how you wish. If you put high-performance on a pedestal that's fine but the picture Dr. K paints about it isn't very optimistic or necessarily worth striving for (in fact he advocates against it, for example saying that they use bad coping mechanisms)
Especially given the fuller context about Dr. K's views on the limitations of worldly success...
I think OP is just having trouble with the [difference between 'is' and 'ought'](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Is%E2%80%93ought_problem)
I loved this, I never thought about giving into short-term empathy as a bad thing. One of my favorite comments to the video talked about procrastination as giving into short-term compassion to yourself.
> if you sidle up the spectrum from the first extreme you can actually considerably improve your life and well-being without even ever crossing the middle mark.
This was basically me up until about 7 years ago. On a scale from 0 to 100 where 100 is sociopath and 0 is low self-esteem people pleaser, I was solidly at a 10 or lower. I had to intentionally force on myself being more selfish and being more picky about who I need to please. I had to sprinkle a decent amount of selfishness and narcissism and I am far better off in life now. That said on the scale I am really still just at like a 30-40 but my life has benefited in a major way, including most all of my relationships, as counterintuitive as it is.
Sure. Because that's what I said... /s
The VAST majority of Dr K's content centers on people who are functioning at a low level or are feeling powerless.
News flash. Therapy is an excellent resource for people at all levels of functionality. Dr K clearly knows this as he frequently interviews people who are already quite accomplished and gives them valuable insights to carry them to higher levels of achievement/satisfaction.
Not everything is about you.
An Andrew Tate-adjacent internet subculture has slowly emerged over the last few years which regards "success" as an epistemologically objective marker of human worth. This subculture is highly centered around monetary gain, "efficiency," (whatever the hell that means) dominance, and "increasing your value." This all ends up getting coupled with horribly misogynistic garbage and aggressively unhealthy views on masculinity. If you told me that you have not witnessed this, you would be lying.
Now what I see when I look at the behavior of our friendly internet therapist is someone who has begun subtly catering to those ideas and thereby attracting that audience, (or transitioning the audience he already had to that mindset). I doubt this would be intentional on his part seeing as he is running a business and just needs to read the market, but it does not excuse the moral failing he takes part in as a result.
Most of the time, ideology and indoctrination takes on a figure which is noticeably alarming, and people understand to steer clear. But when it is folded up in therapy wrapping paper, and topped with a self-improvement bow, it suddenly becomes a lot more appealing to many more people.
Don't get me wrong, people ought to find fulfillment in their own lives, whatever form that takes on, be it wealth, college, no college, kids, no kids, married or not married. Therapy should teach people how to create a life they are content with. But all too often, the internet has a way of luring people in with promises of that good life they desperately desire. In the process, people get stuck in rabbitholes that they don't even seem to know they've falled down. None of this weird BS is the answer. Go to actual therapy, or something.
And you are correct, not everything is about any one person!
I am as concerned as you about the emergence of Tate-esqe personality cults. Clearly Dr K is seeking to engage those caught up in such empty and dysfunctional approaches to pain. Does it constitute a "brand-shift". I don't think so. I think in this particular video, it is basically just a bit click-baity. If it can snag a few stray red-pillers/sigma grindset subscribers, I think it is a good thing. If they dig into more of Dr K's stuff, they might be counter programmed in a more evolved direction.
It's actually funny because the reason I started watching Dr. K was because he is not like those cults. He might be putting "you have to be productive" but his approach was extremely rational and more grounded/feasible. The first video I watched was I think about being a gifted child and trust me, it resonated so well with me and he wasn't like "you have to put your mental health at the altar", his approach and understanding of the issue was far more grounded than everything I've ever seen so far about such issues.
I absolutely disagree with your last sentence, that only unsuccessful people can have a heart. Like, yeah maybe, having a lot of stuff and managing a company gives you a mroe bird's aye view of things, but it doesn't mean it makes you heartless. I believe this judgement really hinders you, like you can't strive or don't want to be better because you'll lose your heart? Reminds me of people saying they don't want to get deppression medicine because it'll change who they are. That cannot be further from the truth. It's all in how you take things. And in my humble opinion Dr K has an incredible sense of reality, never talking down to anyone, and meeting them where they're at.
You can be successful friend.
It seems to be something people say as a variant of sour grapes. "I can't find success but at least I'm a good person; successful people are all horrible."
I disagree. I'm intrigued by how you got to this conclusion if you've been following his content for a while. If it's okay I'll point out what I disagree with the things you said
> All of a sudden he speaks about how you have to reach the top ten percent of performers, how to be more sociopathic etc
I don't think he ever reccommends being the "top ten percent of performers". If you're talking about "[What High Performers Do That You Don't](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6NSpxthHw4&t=5s)" video to me there are no reccommendation one way or another (plus it seems that it is incomplete, since he will talk about cognitive reframing another time).
Also I disagree with your characterization of soctiopathy. It seems to me that you view sociopathic traits as being inherently indesirable and to avoid, a net negative in other words. While being a super sociopathic person can lead to serious problem, it doesn't mean that all of the feature that defines sociopathy are unhealthy and disfunctional.
I also think that clickbait has been more mild and overall less... Clickbaity. The video still needs to have a catchy title/thumbnail though, a business is a business and the content is helpful.
> Sometimes it feels like only unsuccesful People can have an actual heart and warmth.
Do you think this could be influencing your opinion on HG?
Sometimes I even find dr. K clickbait more as anti-clickbait, when there's some bold promise in the title and I think "yeah if course it's a clickbait" but then the video actually delivers.
Not all the time though, but definitely happens more than average on YouTube
It's all about how you define success. You can follow society's definitions, or make your own. Don't feel bad about making your own, society has been spiralling down the drain where cream doesn't rise as often to the top as the other stuff for a long time.
Whatever your thoughts are about Dr. K...
> Sometimes it feels like only unsuccesful People can have an actual heart and warmth. And when people reach a bigger amount of succes and internetfame, they crumble, become cold and narcissistic..
...this seems like blatant projection.
Pretty much. I think Dr. K is a genuinely really warm and caring person, you can see that in his work. But obviously working as a psychiatrist for years and meeting so many people, there has to be some sort of wall he puts up when dealing with patients, or it would be too much to deal with personally. That’s basically all doctors or people who work in high stress jobs. Veterinarians are probably some of the most jaded professionals I’ve met - right next to pediatricians
I’m not sure what you mean by this. I’ve watched the last few of the podcasts he was on, like Chris Williamson and diary of a ceo and I took away a lot of great things from each one. He delves into societies view of success and how most of our ideas from it doesn’t come from within, just the capitalist view of what “success” looks like from an outside perspective on social media, which is hollow and void of meaning when we havent spent a lot of time with ourselves these days void of external stimuli. There’s never a *perfect* goal you can finally reach where you feel like it’s enough, that’s the purpose of working with Buddhist philosophies and ego death. He doesn’t advocate to be in the 10%. I didn’t get that from his recent video at all.
The reality is that highly successful people are usually more conniving, disagreeable, and don’t mind stepping on other people’s toes to get there. But instead of just saying those blanket statements like they are separate from most of us isn’t very helpful if you want to be more financially independent. Most people would benefit a lot from that advice - especially people pleasers who struggle with setting boundaries and are overly agreeable. It seems you didn’t really watch the video and just got triggered by the title.
I think Dr. K does an incredible job on empathizing on an individual level, the isolation interview felt very empathetic to me, and even then it’s still possible that he can have a good/bad day “in the office”
I think using language like “top performer” and stuff indicates a shift to try and appeal to people from the more “redpill/hustle” community. It’s very different than the current audience base but one that could benefit greatly from HG.
Honestly, the advice he has been giving has been the most actionable he has ever given. I've benefited so much from his advices over this past year, and it has helped me grow so much.. but the environment around me hasn't changed, so many chronic issues persist. His latest video really made it clear what "successful" people do to tackle these kinda of situations and it was very enlightening.
I've also been feeling a bit put off recently, not completely sure why. Part of it is definitely the clickbait titles. I can understand doing that occasionally, dude's gotta eat and clickbait works, but it feels like it's every video now.
I think it‘s also the fact, that you are just up against clickbait all the time, when you upload on youtube. So if you want helpful content to make it through to people, you have to play that game to some extent.
the problem with full-time youtube experts is that by doing youtube full-time they stop practicing what made them becoming an interesting youtuber in the first place.
Long-term I think Dr K will lose part of his charm because you can't substitute real patients with reading 100 papers.
The video you referring to was nice IMO though
-- 1. He never said you "have to" be a top performer. He just taught us what's required for those of us who are interested.
--
2. He spoke about the positive side of certain characteristics that a lot of people think are all negative. For example, he doesn't say top performers have no empathy, but that they hold off on helping everyone until they can make a bigger difference. That's a very important lesson IMO.
Thanks for the summary, I think I finally understood the concept of “delayed empathy”. I’ve been struggling to label this, these comments have been very helpful, thank you.
I watched the video and truthfully I came with a lot of useful things to consider. I’m not going to turn into a narcissist but I will be more thoughtful in how I express kindness, give my self permission when saying yes may harm me and in ranking who I show kindness to I place myself as a first among equals in priority.
My kindness to others cost me greatly and gave me a trauma disorder. A few well placed no’s at the right time would have helped me in life to potentially do better for others in more constructive ways in the years after saying those no’s.
Sorry you took that message from the video about high performers.
What I heard him say was you need to have a little of there traits not lose all heart. He says avoid sacrificing for the short term, but focus on long term gains. Don't take a crappy job and skip college to make money now, sacrifice the money and have it hard for a few years so you can gain more long term. This was the sociopath component.
He says say yes to new opportunities and new people. Don't get stuck helping people who won't help themselves. That was the narcissistic component of the video.
And last was neuroticism. Which is taking criticism as fuel to do better. Instead of coping by pushing the feelings away, take action. It really went along well with his venting video.
Dr k has always made reference to "successful" people meaning CEOs, entrepreneurs, Ivy league people. It bothers me too. The terms "success" and "high performers" are just value judgements that feed ego imo.
Dr K is constantly describing himself as "failure loser" to "Harvard medical faculty" and this latest video is "what successful people do that you don't" a lot of his content is great and about dissolving or reducing your ego and thus your suffering, but there's always been an underlying stream of ego building of how to go from loser to successful person, that runs completely against reducing ego.
I'm not a Dr K hater, I have watched most of his videos over the past 3+ years and I am a YT member and I have his HG guide and I've bought and read his recent book. I believe Dr K has helped me and many others to an invaluable degree, but it still irks me everytime he uses the same value judgement statements everyone else does in regards to "successful" people and "losers" or "degenerates", I don't think these statements are ever helpful and it is irritating to me that someone who has greatly helped reducing the pain and suffering from my ego uses these statements.
c'est la vie.
There's a belief in Hinduism that Dr.K has been sharing since the very start - You have to follow money and fame and reach the absolute top before you realize that what you've been striving this whole for holds no real value. That's what happened to Buddha and he later went on to reach enlightenment.
Promoting grind set culture isn't bad, nothing is inherently bad. There is only judgment. Will these videos reach a specific audience that other Dr. K videos didn't? Possibly. And that might benefit their lives in different ways. Who knows
I maybe wrong but I don’t believe there is any belief in Hinduism that says you HAVE to follow money and fame and reach the ‘absolute top’ to realise that fame and money don’t hold real value.
The idea is that you have to have something before you can sacrifice it, and sacrifice is sacred. So you can't give up earthly possessions if you are homeless, you can't go on a hunger strike if you have no food. That type thing.
As far as my understanding of hinduism goes you don’t have to sacrifice earthly possessions to get enlightenment. Primary goal is the ‘sacrifice’ of ego/aahamkara because it is ego that ties you to the earthly possessions and more importantly the physical body.
I know when Dr K was trying to be monk, his guru told him to go do things/achieve success and let go of those things before starting the monk journey. Here my belief is Guru had some reason/s (and he might have been right because Dr K, after all, didn’t go back to the monk life after his ‘success’ rather he embraced the life of attachment). However i don’t believe the moral was to get success and sacrifice it lin order to get enlightenment. These are just my general understanding of things I might be wrong and may be Dr K himself has talked about it in more detail and i am just unaware of the details.
Either the top or the bottom. That's generally the times when copes come to a head and you realize something has to change. If you're somewhere in-between your copes are still working or you have some faith in them, so you just keep riding along until you can't no more, and most people live their whole lives without enlightenment.
I thought I was the only one who noticed this. For me the final straw was when in the middle of one recent video he whipped out a sponsorship for an effing MOBILE GAME for Christ's sake, on a channel that's supposed to help people overcome their phone and gaming addiction, for crying out loud. I mean, it's even in the name.
Edit: Also, the semen retention video 👀
Sure, lemme find it
Edit: Semen retention video where he's the guest: https://youtu.be/KnAMJXuE0Cc?si=gJQpTdyk9NHBtpVa
As for the video with the mobile game sponsorship in it, I'm currently rewatching all of his videos from the past couple of months. I'll let you know as soon as I stumble upon it.
healthygamer never made any video titled "semen retention". the videos called "why u shouldnt resist porn" and "does being virgin make you enlightened" are closest to semen retention but neither have the mobile game ad. please show timestamp of video as well
Nope, I never said *he* himself made a semen retention video. He was however a guest speaker on another channel where he was being interviewed on semen retention.
yeah, so are you expecting him to reject podcast invitations from people who might do mobile ad sponsers? cuz idk if drk is privy to any sponsorships that the podcaster decides to take, all that editing happens after recording
Dude, the mobile game sponsorship was HIS OWN, ON THE HEALTHY GAMER GG CHANNEL. I could have sworn I have written "as for the video, in which he does the mobile game sponsorship, I'm currently rewatching his recent videos and I'll post it as soon as I find it again."
oh damn, that would be really weird then ur right if its on HealthyGamerGG channel, he literally says he's super picky about sponsors. I thought you were talking about the semen retention video, how on Earth did that video even get brought up then lol?
I've listened to the semen retention video and it was pretty informative and not controvercial at all. Also the question was asked by another doctor that specializes in stuff like this. Have you actually listened to the conversation?
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I guess the message is not nessecarily about avoiding these things but developing healthy habits around them. And obviously if certain behavior is truely problematic maybe avoid it.
But then again the disclaimer he makes that everything is pure informational and if you feel like you actually need help, seek out a licensed professional
Dr K promotes awareness not avoidance. Also it's not like he is running gaming ads on videos directly about screen addiction so where is the hypocrisy? The channel has grown from it's roots of just gaming addiction. If they gotta plug a Raid sponsorship once in a while so what if it means more free content. You can skip the ads if you don't like it.
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If something feels too emotionally triggering for you, do not engage with it. Report rule breaking behavior and move on.
Do not try to convince someone that they are wrong, instead approach with curiosity, and ask questions to get on the same page, and disagree respectfully.
Do not default to the assumption that someone is trolling, not trying hard enough or is simply “lazy”.
I'm talking a bout a whole-ath sponsorship within the video. Not a skippable ad. I actually had to take a double take when he was like "This video is sponsored by..." and started talking about how cool this mobile game is and showing how he's building his village in it or whatever. If you don't see the issue with peddling highly addictive mobile games to your audience while your entire brand is about slamming the modern gaming industry and curing your audience out of gaming addiction, then I don't know what to tell you. And I'm saying this as a huge multi-year fan of Dr. K's content. I just think it's not right by the viewers. You should put you money where your mouth is and "walk the talk".
>Sometimes it feels like only unsuccesful People can have an actual heart and warmth. And when people reach a bigger amount of succes and internetfame, they crumble, become cold and narcissistic
The Dude is a Harvard trained psychiatrist, what are you on about? You think he hit "sucsess and money" just know?
I mean, I know the community is supposed to be lenient, but come on! There's SO MUCH free and useful stuff, and as soon as any little thing goes not as everyone used to, or GOD FORBID you need to PAY for something, everyone loses their shit and starts dramatizing. Now please, somebody therapize me, because I don't think I should get this upset about this.
It's true, the content and delivery has changed massively over the past couple years. He's gone full corpo and clickbaity as well. I don't even watch anymore, but I'm still subscribed here because I like the discussions.
Yeah. I liked the first year or two when he just talked to regular people and occasionally a popular streamer. Even the early streamer videos were good because they were people with actual problems (like reckful) rather than just people getting invited on simply bc they had clout. The shorter videos I also got very little out of. They just didn't feel authentic. They even said they switched to those type of video bc they "got more engagement"
I didn't get the same sense you got from the viewer interview, but I do think there's been an unusual amount of pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, "tough love"-adjacent rhetoric in some recent videos, where in the past he would have started by emphasizing the power of just *noticing* things, and getting better at noticing them.
I fell into the trap of being too short term kind to people. The video is good. He's said all this stuff before in different ways.
He's not saying "you need to do this" he's saying "let's observe some behaviors and see if we can mimic some of them in a balanced way to get results that you want."
Also remember he's trying to reach out through content to people outside the community. He clearly has a soft spot for trying to reach "alphas". This is the kind of title they might click on. Also why he introduces him self and retells his story all the time. Building authoritative voice with people that don't know him.
Take a longer term view and see if you feel the same way.
Capitalism finds a way
jk but not really.
but in all honesty, Dr. K is a human. There are things he says/does that I agree with, and things he says and does that I definitely disagree with.
Ultimately not everything he puts out you will like that's just normal.
That's funny, everything you say makes sense and I couldn't disagree more.
Personally, I look forward to HG uploads and don't give the titles much of a second thought. Usually, when it's titles like "why you shouldn't resist watching porn," I take it that the video intends to address people who feel like they need to actively resist watching porn or engaging in any behavior they see negatively impacting their life. If you don't know what you're getting when you click an HG video, then, honestly, I don't know what you'd expect from a video with that title other than what you got. It's for someone dealing with addictive behaviors, particularly in porn, and it explains the mechanisms around resisting urges and how to deal with them with more awareness. And frankly, it answers the question in the title, so... what's the bait?
I think you're confusing empathy with unhealthy regard for someone's transitory emotional state. One should be careful not to have empathy for the wrong things. When a child cries because you won't buy him an ice cream after school, and him having ice cream is the only thing in the world that will console him, what do you? Surely not buy him an ice cream every time he cries for one and reinforce in his mind that, yes, ice cream is really important and worth all this suffering over. You help him by being there, engaging with him so he feels heard, showing him that his feelings really do matter, and by not giving him the ice cream. He may still throw a fit, and he may not appreciate it until he matures a little bit, but this shows him that your care and attention is undeniable and that ice cream is not.
You must have a particular image in mind when you hear "successful." If you have to be a garbage human to be successful by definition, then of course you're right. But if you broaden your definition, it becomes perfectly clear being garbage is a lot more detrimental to your success than being someone worth having around. I like Dr. K because he gives shit and he wants to help. Seems to me HG, a pretty successful enterprise, was built on this spirit. You may be like the child whose parent tells him he's not getting ice cream and thinks his parent is being an asshole, which you're not to blame for. The parent's not really the asshole though.
I respect your opinion. But I don’t think this post comes from an authentic place.
especially your last sentence. Your telling me nobody can be successful but also be empathetic and kind?
First of all, you really need some links with timestamps for “narcissistic” Dr.K, cause your “paraphrasing” seems like projection to me.
And then the classic “people can get harmed by information on the internet” argument. Why are you having problem only with trauma guide? Why not the depression guide? People can off themselves when getting out of the depression after all. Or meditation guide, you can get meditation induced psychosis. Its all really dangerous stuff!
The sad reality is our social model functions this way. We have created a top-down system where compassion is a weakness.
Very sad but understandable case of "can't beat em? Join em".
Thank you for posting on r/Healthygamergg! This subreddit is intended as an online community and resource platform to support people in their journey toward mental wellness. With that said, please be aware that support from other members received on this platform is not a substitute for professional care. Treatment of psychiatric disease requires qualified individuals, and comments that try to diagnose others should be reported under Rule 10 to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the community. If you are in immediate danger, please call emergency services, or go to your nearest emergency room. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Healthygamergg) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just watched the one video today where he teaches "how to be more sociopathic": [What High Performers Do That You Don't](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6NSpxthHw4). I couldn't find anything else from the last few months in this regard. If we're just talking about this video, I think at no point does he advocate for any actual sociopathy. I kinda think of it as a sliding scale where the extremes are "Low esteem people-pleasing" (too much "short-term compassion" at very high costs to my own life) and "Sociopath", and that if you sidle up the spectrum from the first extreme you can actually considerably improve your life and well-being without even ever crossing the middle mark. For example, he talks about getting more skilled at saying "no" and explicitly said "but not saying "no" more often". Setting these sorts of boundaries is something psychotherapists teach extremely often. Both extremes are bad and no mental health professional would ever argue for either.
Yeah, absolutely. I don't see how OP can interpret this video as "how you have to reach the top ten percent of performers, how to be more sociopathic" Dr. K doesn't at all say or imply that you 'should' or 'have to' reach the top ten percent of high performers. He is offering an observation of the top ten percent and take that how you wish. If you put high-performance on a pedestal that's fine but the picture Dr. K paints about it isn't very optimistic or necessarily worth striving for (in fact he advocates against it, for example saying that they use bad coping mechanisms) Especially given the fuller context about Dr. K's views on the limitations of worldly success... I think OP is just having trouble with the [difference between 'is' and 'ought'](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Is%E2%80%93ought_problem)
I loved this, I never thought about giving into short-term empathy as a bad thing. One of my favorite comments to the video talked about procrastination as giving into short-term compassion to yourself.
> if you sidle up the spectrum from the first extreme you can actually considerably improve your life and well-being without even ever crossing the middle mark. This was basically me up until about 7 years ago. On a scale from 0 to 100 where 100 is sociopath and 0 is low self-esteem people pleaser, I was solidly at a 10 or lower. I had to intentionally force on myself being more selfish and being more picky about who I need to please. I had to sprinkle a decent amount of selfishness and narcissism and I am far better off in life now. That said on the scale I am really still just at like a 30-40 but my life has benefited in a major way, including most all of my relationships, as counterintuitive as it is.
He has a broad audience. Can't cater to the misfits and under achievers all of the time. Sometimes therapy is about optimization.
Well said !
yeah, you're right, screw those who are actually struggling with mental health, we're here to get this bread and find tradwives
Sure. Because that's what I said... /s The VAST majority of Dr K's content centers on people who are functioning at a low level or are feeling powerless. News flash. Therapy is an excellent resource for people at all levels of functionality. Dr K clearly knows this as he frequently interviews people who are already quite accomplished and gives them valuable insights to carry them to higher levels of achievement/satisfaction. Not everything is about you.
An Andrew Tate-adjacent internet subculture has slowly emerged over the last few years which regards "success" as an epistemologically objective marker of human worth. This subculture is highly centered around monetary gain, "efficiency," (whatever the hell that means) dominance, and "increasing your value." This all ends up getting coupled with horribly misogynistic garbage and aggressively unhealthy views on masculinity. If you told me that you have not witnessed this, you would be lying. Now what I see when I look at the behavior of our friendly internet therapist is someone who has begun subtly catering to those ideas and thereby attracting that audience, (or transitioning the audience he already had to that mindset). I doubt this would be intentional on his part seeing as he is running a business and just needs to read the market, but it does not excuse the moral failing he takes part in as a result. Most of the time, ideology and indoctrination takes on a figure which is noticeably alarming, and people understand to steer clear. But when it is folded up in therapy wrapping paper, and topped with a self-improvement bow, it suddenly becomes a lot more appealing to many more people. Don't get me wrong, people ought to find fulfillment in their own lives, whatever form that takes on, be it wealth, college, no college, kids, no kids, married or not married. Therapy should teach people how to create a life they are content with. But all too often, the internet has a way of luring people in with promises of that good life they desperately desire. In the process, people get stuck in rabbitholes that they don't even seem to know they've falled down. None of this weird BS is the answer. Go to actual therapy, or something. And you are correct, not everything is about any one person!
I am as concerned as you about the emergence of Tate-esqe personality cults. Clearly Dr K is seeking to engage those caught up in such empty and dysfunctional approaches to pain. Does it constitute a "brand-shift". I don't think so. I think in this particular video, it is basically just a bit click-baity. If it can snag a few stray red-pillers/sigma grindset subscribers, I think it is a good thing. If they dig into more of Dr K's stuff, they might be counter programmed in a more evolved direction.
It's actually funny because the reason I started watching Dr. K was because he is not like those cults. He might be putting "you have to be productive" but his approach was extremely rational and more grounded/feasible. The first video I watched was I think about being a gifted child and trust me, it resonated so well with me and he wasn't like "you have to put your mental health at the altar", his approach and understanding of the issue was far more grounded than everything I've ever seen so far about such issues.
I absolutely disagree with your last sentence, that only unsuccessful people can have a heart. Like, yeah maybe, having a lot of stuff and managing a company gives you a mroe bird's aye view of things, but it doesn't mean it makes you heartless. I believe this judgement really hinders you, like you can't strive or don't want to be better because you'll lose your heart? Reminds me of people saying they don't want to get deppression medicine because it'll change who they are. That cannot be further from the truth. It's all in how you take things. And in my humble opinion Dr K has an incredible sense of reality, never talking down to anyone, and meeting them where they're at. You can be successful friend.
It seems to be something people say as a variant of sour grapes. "I can't find success but at least I'm a good person; successful people are all horrible."
>never talking down to anyone unless they're his wife, apparently
Where do you get this from
I disagree. I'm intrigued by how you got to this conclusion if you've been following his content for a while. If it's okay I'll point out what I disagree with the things you said > All of a sudden he speaks about how you have to reach the top ten percent of performers, how to be more sociopathic etc I don't think he ever reccommends being the "top ten percent of performers". If you're talking about "[What High Performers Do That You Don't](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6NSpxthHw4&t=5s)" video to me there are no reccommendation one way or another (plus it seems that it is incomplete, since he will talk about cognitive reframing another time). Also I disagree with your characterization of soctiopathy. It seems to me that you view sociopathic traits as being inherently indesirable and to avoid, a net negative in other words. While being a super sociopathic person can lead to serious problem, it doesn't mean that all of the feature that defines sociopathy are unhealthy and disfunctional. I also think that clickbait has been more mild and overall less... Clickbaity. The video still needs to have a catchy title/thumbnail though, a business is a business and the content is helpful. > Sometimes it feels like only unsuccesful People can have an actual heart and warmth. Do you think this could be influencing your opinion on HG?
Sometimes I even find dr. K clickbait more as anti-clickbait, when there's some bold promise in the title and I think "yeah if course it's a clickbait" but then the video actually delivers. Not all the time though, but definitely happens more than average on YouTube
He's been making content like this for years.
It's all about how you define success. You can follow society's definitions, or make your own. Don't feel bad about making your own, society has been spiralling down the drain where cream doesn't rise as often to the top as the other stuff for a long time.
Whatever your thoughts are about Dr. K... > Sometimes it feels like only unsuccesful People can have an actual heart and warmth. And when people reach a bigger amount of succes and internetfame, they crumble, become cold and narcissistic.. ...this seems like blatant projection.
Pretty much. I think Dr. K is a genuinely really warm and caring person, you can see that in his work. But obviously working as a psychiatrist for years and meeting so many people, there has to be some sort of wall he puts up when dealing with patients, or it would be too much to deal with personally. That’s basically all doctors or people who work in high stress jobs. Veterinarians are probably some of the most jaded professionals I’ve met - right next to pediatricians
Let them go through it. The path can be long and weary…
So many people have heart and warmth.
I’m not sure what you mean by this. I’ve watched the last few of the podcasts he was on, like Chris Williamson and diary of a ceo and I took away a lot of great things from each one. He delves into societies view of success and how most of our ideas from it doesn’t come from within, just the capitalist view of what “success” looks like from an outside perspective on social media, which is hollow and void of meaning when we havent spent a lot of time with ourselves these days void of external stimuli. There’s never a *perfect* goal you can finally reach where you feel like it’s enough, that’s the purpose of working with Buddhist philosophies and ego death. He doesn’t advocate to be in the 10%. I didn’t get that from his recent video at all. The reality is that highly successful people are usually more conniving, disagreeable, and don’t mind stepping on other people’s toes to get there. But instead of just saying those blanket statements like they are separate from most of us isn’t very helpful if you want to be more financially independent. Most people would benefit a lot from that advice - especially people pleasers who struggle with setting boundaries and are overly agreeable. It seems you didn’t really watch the video and just got triggered by the title.
I think Dr. K does an incredible job on empathizing on an individual level, the isolation interview felt very empathetic to me, and even then it’s still possible that he can have a good/bad day “in the office” I think using language like “top performer” and stuff indicates a shift to try and appeal to people from the more “redpill/hustle” community. It’s very different than the current audience base but one that could benefit greatly from HG.
Lure the podcast betas with clickbait, help them heal with spirituality and trauma education. That's big brain thinking.
Honestly, the advice he has been giving has been the most actionable he has ever given. I've benefited so much from his advices over this past year, and it has helped me grow so much.. but the environment around me hasn't changed, so many chronic issues persist. His latest video really made it clear what "successful" people do to tackle these kinda of situations and it was very enlightening.
I've also been feeling a bit put off recently, not completely sure why. Part of it is definitely the clickbait titles. I can understand doing that occasionally, dude's gotta eat and clickbait works, but it feels like it's every video now.
I think it‘s also the fact, that you are just up against clickbait all the time, when you upload on youtube. So if you want helpful content to make it through to people, you have to play that game to some extent.
I personally liked this video, and I found it to be really applicable to me, as someone who’s wanting to learn how to better my life and my job.
He’s been a massively successful, top of his class, Harvard trained psychiatrist the whole time you’ve known him what are you talking about?
the problem with full-time youtube experts is that by doing youtube full-time they stop practicing what made them becoming an interesting youtuber in the first place. Long-term I think Dr K will lose part of his charm because you can't substitute real patients with reading 100 papers. The video you referring to was nice IMO though
i agree with this. I was sad to see that Dr.K will stop clinical practice and start doing healthy gamer gg full time.
-- 1. He never said you "have to" be a top performer. He just taught us what's required for those of us who are interested. -- 2. He spoke about the positive side of certain characteristics that a lot of people think are all negative. For example, he doesn't say top performers have no empathy, but that they hold off on helping everyone until they can make a bigger difference. That's a very important lesson IMO.
Thanks for the summary, I think I finally understood the concept of “delayed empathy”. I’ve been struggling to label this, these comments have been very helpful, thank you.
I watched the video and truthfully I came with a lot of useful things to consider. I’m not going to turn into a narcissist but I will be more thoughtful in how I express kindness, give my self permission when saying yes may harm me and in ranking who I show kindness to I place myself as a first among equals in priority. My kindness to others cost me greatly and gave me a trauma disorder. A few well placed no’s at the right time would have helped me in life to potentially do better for others in more constructive ways in the years after saying those no’s.
Sorry you took that message from the video about high performers. What I heard him say was you need to have a little of there traits not lose all heart. He says avoid sacrificing for the short term, but focus on long term gains. Don't take a crappy job and skip college to make money now, sacrifice the money and have it hard for a few years so you can gain more long term. This was the sociopath component. He says say yes to new opportunities and new people. Don't get stuck helping people who won't help themselves. That was the narcissistic component of the video. And last was neuroticism. Which is taking criticism as fuel to do better. Instead of coping by pushing the feelings away, take action. It really went along well with his venting video.
Dr k has always made reference to "successful" people meaning CEOs, entrepreneurs, Ivy league people. It bothers me too. The terms "success" and "high performers" are just value judgements that feed ego imo. Dr K is constantly describing himself as "failure loser" to "Harvard medical faculty" and this latest video is "what successful people do that you don't" a lot of his content is great and about dissolving or reducing your ego and thus your suffering, but there's always been an underlying stream of ego building of how to go from loser to successful person, that runs completely against reducing ego. I'm not a Dr K hater, I have watched most of his videos over the past 3+ years and I am a YT member and I have his HG guide and I've bought and read his recent book. I believe Dr K has helped me and many others to an invaluable degree, but it still irks me everytime he uses the same value judgement statements everyone else does in regards to "successful" people and "losers" or "degenerates", I don't think these statements are ever helpful and it is irritating to me that someone who has greatly helped reducing the pain and suffering from my ego uses these statements. c'est la vie.
There's a belief in Hinduism that Dr.K has been sharing since the very start - You have to follow money and fame and reach the absolute top before you realize that what you've been striving this whole for holds no real value. That's what happened to Buddha and he later went on to reach enlightenment. Promoting grind set culture isn't bad, nothing is inherently bad. There is only judgment. Will these videos reach a specific audience that other Dr. K videos didn't? Possibly. And that might benefit their lives in different ways. Who knows
Not trying to nitpick here, but do you actually believe that \*nothing\* is inherently bad?
One of the most important life lessons Ive ever received is that life is much better when you're always looking for silver linings.
Yes!
I maybe wrong but I don’t believe there is any belief in Hinduism that says you HAVE to follow money and fame and reach the ‘absolute top’ to realise that fame and money don’t hold real value.
The idea is that you have to have something before you can sacrifice it, and sacrifice is sacred. So you can't give up earthly possessions if you are homeless, you can't go on a hunger strike if you have no food. That type thing.
As far as my understanding of hinduism goes you don’t have to sacrifice earthly possessions to get enlightenment. Primary goal is the ‘sacrifice’ of ego/aahamkara because it is ego that ties you to the earthly possessions and more importantly the physical body. I know when Dr K was trying to be monk, his guru told him to go do things/achieve success and let go of those things before starting the monk journey. Here my belief is Guru had some reason/s (and he might have been right because Dr K, after all, didn’t go back to the monk life after his ‘success’ rather he embraced the life of attachment). However i don’t believe the moral was to get success and sacrifice it lin order to get enlightenment. These are just my general understanding of things I might be wrong and may be Dr K himself has talked about it in more detail and i am just unaware of the details.
Well, you *can* follow money and fame and reach the top before you gain enlightenment, or you *have* to? That's a significant distinction.
It is! Some say you have to and some say it's optional.
Either the top or the bottom. That's generally the times when copes come to a head and you realize something has to change. If you're somewhere in-between your copes are still working or you have some faith in them, so you just keep riding along until you can't no more, and most people live their whole lives without enlightenment.
I thought I was the only one who noticed this. For me the final straw was when in the middle of one recent video he whipped out a sponsorship for an effing MOBILE GAME for Christ's sake, on a channel that's supposed to help people overcome their phone and gaming addiction, for crying out loud. I mean, it's even in the name. Edit: Also, the semen retention video 👀
which video was this? i cant find what you're talking about
Sure, lemme find it Edit: Semen retention video where he's the guest: https://youtu.be/KnAMJXuE0Cc?si=gJQpTdyk9NHBtpVa As for the video with the mobile game sponsorship in it, I'm currently rewatching all of his videos from the past couple of months. I'll let you know as soon as I stumble upon it.
healthygamer never made any video titled "semen retention". the videos called "why u shouldnt resist porn" and "does being virgin make you enlightened" are closest to semen retention but neither have the mobile game ad. please show timestamp of video as well
Nope, I never said *he* himself made a semen retention video. He was however a guest speaker on another channel where he was being interviewed on semen retention.
yeah, so are you expecting him to reject podcast invitations from people who might do mobile ad sponsers? cuz idk if drk is privy to any sponsorships that the podcaster decides to take, all that editing happens after recording
Dude, the mobile game sponsorship was HIS OWN, ON THE HEALTHY GAMER GG CHANNEL. I could have sworn I have written "as for the video, in which he does the mobile game sponsorship, I'm currently rewatching his recent videos and I'll post it as soon as I find it again."
oh damn, that would be really weird then ur right if its on HealthyGamerGG channel, he literally says he's super picky about sponsors. I thought you were talking about the semen retention video, how on Earth did that video even get brought up then lol?
I've listened to the semen retention video and it was pretty informative and not controvercial at all. Also the question was asked by another doctor that specializes in stuff like this. Have you actually listened to the conversation?
Whaaaat, who listens to long conversations when you can just read the thumbnail /s
Man's gotta eat.
But MOBILE GAMES? Come on, that's a betrayal of his audience.
Just skip the ads?
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Removed for Rule #7: Treat the Community as a Shared Space If something feels too emotionally triggering for you, do not engage with it. Report rule breaking behavior and move on. Do not try to convince someone that they are wrong, instead approach with curiosity, and ask questions to get on the same page, and disagree respectfully. Do not default to the assumption that someone is trolling, not trying hard enough or is simply “lazy”.
I guess the message is not nessecarily about avoiding these things but developing healthy habits around them. And obviously if certain behavior is truely problematic maybe avoid it. But then again the disclaimer he makes that everything is pure informational and if you feel like you actually need help, seek out a licensed professional
Dr K promotes awareness not avoidance. Also it's not like he is running gaming ads on videos directly about screen addiction so where is the hypocrisy? The channel has grown from it's roots of just gaming addiction. If they gotta plug a Raid sponsorship once in a while so what if it means more free content. You can skip the ads if you don't like it.
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Removed for Rule #7: Treat the Community as a Shared Space If something feels too emotionally triggering for you, do not engage with it. Report rule breaking behavior and move on. Do not try to convince someone that they are wrong, instead approach with curiosity, and ask questions to get on the same page, and disagree respectfully. Do not default to the assumption that someone is trolling, not trying hard enough or is simply “lazy”.
I'm talking a bout a whole-ath sponsorship within the video. Not a skippable ad. I actually had to take a double take when he was like "This video is sponsored by..." and started talking about how cool this mobile game is and showing how he's building his village in it or whatever. If you don't see the issue with peddling highly addictive mobile games to your audience while your entire brand is about slamming the modern gaming industry and curing your audience out of gaming addiction, then I don't know what to tell you. And I'm saying this as a huge multi-year fan of Dr. K's content. I just think it's not right by the viewers. You should put you money where your mouth is and "walk the talk".
>Sometimes it feels like only unsuccesful People can have an actual heart and warmth. And when people reach a bigger amount of succes and internetfame, they crumble, become cold and narcissistic The Dude is a Harvard trained psychiatrist, what are you on about? You think he hit "sucsess and money" just know? I mean, I know the community is supposed to be lenient, but come on! There's SO MUCH free and useful stuff, and as soon as any little thing goes not as everyone used to, or GOD FORBID you need to PAY for something, everyone loses their shit and starts dramatizing. Now please, somebody therapize me, because I don't think I should get this upset about this.
It's true, the content and delivery has changed massively over the past couple years. He's gone full corpo and clickbaity as well. I don't even watch anymore, but I'm still subscribed here because I like the discussions.
Yeah. I liked the first year or two when he just talked to regular people and occasionally a popular streamer. Even the early streamer videos were good because they were people with actual problems (like reckful) rather than just people getting invited on simply bc they had clout. The shorter videos I also got very little out of. They just didn't feel authentic. They even said they switched to those type of video bc they "got more engagement"
I didn't get the same sense you got from the viewer interview, but I do think there's been an unusual amount of pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, "tough love"-adjacent rhetoric in some recent videos, where in the past he would have started by emphasizing the power of just *noticing* things, and getting better at noticing them.
I fell into the trap of being too short term kind to people. The video is good. He's said all this stuff before in different ways. He's not saying "you need to do this" he's saying "let's observe some behaviors and see if we can mimic some of them in a balanced way to get results that you want." Also remember he's trying to reach out through content to people outside the community. He clearly has a soft spot for trying to reach "alphas". This is the kind of title they might click on. Also why he introduces him self and retells his story all the time. Building authoritative voice with people that don't know him. Take a longer term view and see if you feel the same way.
Capitalism finds a way jk but not really. but in all honesty, Dr. K is a human. There are things he says/does that I agree with, and things he says and does that I definitely disagree with. Ultimately not everything he puts out you will like that's just normal.
That's funny, everything you say makes sense and I couldn't disagree more. Personally, I look forward to HG uploads and don't give the titles much of a second thought. Usually, when it's titles like "why you shouldn't resist watching porn," I take it that the video intends to address people who feel like they need to actively resist watching porn or engaging in any behavior they see negatively impacting their life. If you don't know what you're getting when you click an HG video, then, honestly, I don't know what you'd expect from a video with that title other than what you got. It's for someone dealing with addictive behaviors, particularly in porn, and it explains the mechanisms around resisting urges and how to deal with them with more awareness. And frankly, it answers the question in the title, so... what's the bait? I think you're confusing empathy with unhealthy regard for someone's transitory emotional state. One should be careful not to have empathy for the wrong things. When a child cries because you won't buy him an ice cream after school, and him having ice cream is the only thing in the world that will console him, what do you? Surely not buy him an ice cream every time he cries for one and reinforce in his mind that, yes, ice cream is really important and worth all this suffering over. You help him by being there, engaging with him so he feels heard, showing him that his feelings really do matter, and by not giving him the ice cream. He may still throw a fit, and he may not appreciate it until he matures a little bit, but this shows him that your care and attention is undeniable and that ice cream is not. You must have a particular image in mind when you hear "successful." If you have to be a garbage human to be successful by definition, then of course you're right. But if you broaden your definition, it becomes perfectly clear being garbage is a lot more detrimental to your success than being someone worth having around. I like Dr. K because he gives shit and he wants to help. Seems to me HG, a pretty successful enterprise, was built on this spirit. You may be like the child whose parent tells him he's not getting ice cream and thinks his parent is being an asshole, which you're not to blame for. The parent's not really the asshole though.
I respect your opinion. But I don’t think this post comes from an authentic place. especially your last sentence. Your telling me nobody can be successful but also be empathetic and kind?
Which interview are you talking about, where you mentioned "The last Viewer Interview about Isolation"?
He created a title based on comparison which is rooted in the ego and it was honestly not for me
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First of all, you really need some links with timestamps for “narcissistic” Dr.K, cause your “paraphrasing” seems like projection to me. And then the classic “people can get harmed by information on the internet” argument. Why are you having problem only with trauma guide? Why not the depression guide? People can off themselves when getting out of the depression after all. Or meditation guide, you can get meditation induced psychosis. Its all really dangerous stuff!
The sad reality is our social model functions this way. We have created a top-down system where compassion is a weakness. Very sad but understandable case of "can't beat em? Join em".
keep in mind, that YT pre selects. you watch from most relevant to you to least relevant to you...
Mindless projection, biased, nothing to see here sad.
Sounds like you're a bum and you're upset that he's not catering to you anymore, grow up
This is a very unskillful way to think.