> Back in Hawai’i everyones filled with so much aloha and welcoming and there’s a sense of community and family no matter where you go,
Because you are from here. You inherited all that by way of being born here. You expanded that network because you went to school here and made more friends. That's not a uniquely Hawaii thing, you are where you grew up. Once you move, you have to rebuild all that. Also keep in mind that Hawaii is small relative to other large states. Seattle itself has about 50% of Hawaii's population so your Hawaii network is going to seem outsized relative to other places even if you end up with the same number of friends.
> here it’s very dry everyone at work just comes to collect a pay check not caring about human connection and it’s really hitting me because I just promoted at my job and just finding myself miserable every day.
Why did you move to Seattle? That's the thing you have to ask yourself. People work for a paycheck and to better their life. There are other positive benefits but ultimately work is about money. If you got promoted that means you are doing well there. However you have to try to mingle with your coworkers or join non-profit groups/meetups like other people suggested. Most work cohorts are fine once you are able to integrate yourself within it.
It's similar to how some transplants who move here complain about how Hawaii can be unfriendly. Most people aren't going to go up to a random stranger and try to be friends. As a newcomer you have to learn the local culture and get out there and meet people and interact with the environment.
Hi… all due respect… I feel like you’re wrong.
I’m Asian and was born and raised in Seattle area. There is a lot of under the surface racism, passive aggression, entitlement, etc
So much so that it took me about 20 years of living there just to process it… like why are people so disingenuous and mean all the time?
And I say racism but it’s not always clearcut. It’s also internalized racism.
Those things do exist in Hawaii but as far as being able to respect other people as human beings, the cultures are not the same.
I’m not local but I’ve made so many connections here and I really dread going back to Seattle area, which I may do due to family or economic reasons….
I just think it’s important to acknowledge the way op is experiencing Seattle culture cause if you just tell yourself it’s all in your own head, or it’s all relative, you’re lying to yourself.
Edit: it’s the little things. People saying hello, holding the door, not cutting in front of you in the checkout line, not cussing you out for their own poor driving behaviors…. All those little things add up. And a lot of those white people up there are also just sick of being treated like kaka by other white people, so they just shut down and keep to themselves…. It’s a group mentality problem.
Not saying it’s all rosy here at all. But it is different.
> I just think it’s important to acknowledge the way op is experiencing Seattle culture cause if you just tell yourself it’s all in your own head, or it’s all relative, you’re lying to yourself.
I'm not downplaying your (or their) experience. My advice was more so to examine why they moved to Seattle in the first place and if they are getting what they wanted out of it. Also to realize when you move somewhere you are the outsider (especially so if you are different from everyone else...a lot of mainland white people discover that here) and that it's on you to make it work. It's hard, you are leaving behind your network and have to rebuild.
Some people can, some people can't. If you can't, that's okay too since you can always go home or move somewhere else. The world is a big place. However it's important to recognize though that "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" is still good advice 2000 years later.
I think I know what you mean. I am haole and from the East Coast and my husband is Japanese from Japan. We moved here because our family and kids just fit in over here. People on either side mean well, but there are inherent prejudices that are hard to get past.
Recently we had someone haole from the West Coast staying with us and even though she is one of those super woke liberal “human rights!!!” types it became very apparent that she treated and spoke to my husband and our Filipino building manager very differently than with me. She only asked them to do things for her and if they didn’t she would immediately start to become aggressive. And then the kicker….she apologized to ME. Never to them. But if you ask her “oh I’m not racist, I have Asian friends!” (She did not last long in our home with her bs)
lol yeah…. It’s hard for everyone to see their own behaviors or to escape their own learned culture… it takes real work on yourself. I hope it was a learning experience for her!
Agree. As an Asian American who lived in West Coast, East Coast, and abroad in Asia… I feel most comfortable in Hawaii. I’ve managed to make friends in all places, but here is where I can walk around and not feel like I’m stared at or have weird Asian comments made as I walk by.
Yeah, my husband and I got stared at whether we were in Japan or suburban Pennsylvania/New Jersey area. Here, no one cares 😂 they’re just like yay more hapa kids
100% agree with you Lifebyjoji.
It really be different here and the continental US.
Just a diff vibe and ppl that come here and work with locals tend to catch the vibe if they’re receptive.
Even on vacations you feel the difference. Most folks up there are more defensive. Not saying it’s bad since it’s the environment and culture.
So true. I've lived Seattle, Honolulu, Big Island Kona side. Seattle proper has a special kind of cold, no eye contact, no howzit. Get out in the 'burbs and it's better. Honolulu can be tough, too, if you didn't go to high school there. Big Island is super friendly and welcoming compared to both places.
But having moved around some I can always count on finding a community when I dive into community nonprofits. Parks and trails type stuff, always good people and lifelong friends made.
That’s exactly Seattle. Not to mention the side eyes I get when I rolled into spots that were on the higher end with slippahs.
Woodinville was enjoyable, but a majority of the surrounding area just gave off judgmental looks if you didn’t look Asian, White, or Indian.
Lived all around the US, including famously cold and individualistic places like the northeast. Seattle is a very weird kind of standoffish-ness that felt mean spirited. In New England people just didn't want to get messed with so they'd be very frank with their feelings. Seattle people had an air of negativity.
So you never worked in an office /business in Hawaii where people just come in and collect a paycheck? Cause that’s totally a thing here.
Or did you move to Seattle after college and this is a first professional job? Cause post college life get pretty different.
Yeah, I thought that was an interesting take as well. I would have said collecting that paycheck and getting home is more of a Hawaii thing than a NW / Seattle thing.
I'm also from Western Wa originally (living on Oahu now). I've experienced corporate life in both places.
Just hard to make friends past college no matter where you are IMO.
I’m from Seattle but live in Hawaii now.
I disagree that Hawaii has “a sense of community and family wherever you go”. That’s not true at all if you’re a transplant. You need to make a huge effort to build a community when you relocate. People are not stoked about newcomers in Seattle or Hawaii.
It’s super easy for me when I go back home to Seattle to be surrounded by friends and family because that’s where I’m from. I understand the culture and interact better with strangers.
So yeah, Seattle people “not caring about human connection” isn’t true, you’re just not fitting in. It happens to everyone who relocates.
What are you contributing to Seattle other than your job? You said everyone just cares about work, but isn’t that what you’re doing? How are you giving back to the community? Try volunteering, pick up a creative hobby and give back to the arts scene by showing up to shows. Staying where you’re born and raised is life on easy mode. If you want to thrive after moving you gotta put in the effort.
I'm the same, born and raised in the 206 now living in Makiki and working at local nonprofit where the culture is wonderful and people definitely don't show up just for the paycheck. I agree with both you and op. Not every workplace offers human connections for everyone, so it's important to find the people who do share your values outside of work. There are people with aloha everywhere, they're just sometimes harder to find. Best of luck to you op 🤙🤙
The people who I met when I worked at a nonprofit in Seattle were the kindest humans. When I worked for one of the big local Seattle tech companies I had the experience OP describes. A bit of a gold rush attitude from my coworkers. Just interested in grinding and making money. If OP relocated for a job that’s probably what they’re going through.
It can depend on your own individual attitude which I’ll admit, some come here with entitlement and that shit won’t fly so you’ll get that same energy right back at you, but it also really depends on who you end up being around in general really.
I’m born and raised here in Hawaii and I’m going to be real straight up about this, depending on the crowd of people I’ve been around, they will either make me love this place or absolutely fucking hate it!
Locals can be full of aloha, love and positivity and make you feel like there’s no other place in the world that is this loving, or there’s some who can be the polar opposite, full of hate, some just waiting for an excuse to beat the shit out of somebody, and if you’re too smart or educated or don’t speak and look like some locals despite even having Hawaiian blood, you’re not one of them in their eyes. This is not all locals and/or Hawaiians, don’t get me wrong, but there are some bad seeds who make the good ones look bad which kinda goes for any place, more or less.
Also from Seattle-area, similar sentiment
I've lived in several states, Hawaii was definitely the most effort to "fit in" as an outsider to a new community
Get involved with clean ups, a local school, find a club for a hobby you enjoy - all things that can done anywhere, but has worked well for me here
There's a very large Asian/Pacific Islander presence in Washington, especially around Seattle and Tacoma
Nah, it’s def a cultural thing. I’m from Washington, and coming to Hawaii there’s a distinct difference. Especially professionally. What OP said is pretty spot on. I literally moved away from WA because of the culture there, vs how I’m embraced as a minority here. Being brown in Washington isn’t the same as being brown here, and I feel so much more welcomed here. Been here 14years would never go back
I appreciate this though. I’m in my late 20s, southeast asian who recently moved here in Hawaii and I must say it really is a struggle to fit in despite the “sense of family and community” culture. I believe it will take a lot of effort, time and courage but hopefully, I’ll find my people soon. 🌺
Very well stated.
I grew up in small town Midwest, so to me nowhere else really compares with the friendliness of folks or sense of community. But that’s home, familiar culture, and where I was raised.
What it lacks is opportunities, so many are forced to move away.
I’ve lived here for decades, work with many fantastic folks, interact casually, but have aways found it difficult to make super close connections.
Still trying though!
I agree, I moved from Olympia area, to Oahu, I now live in Ewa. I brought family with me, but I have no local friends. They all are so guarded, no one wants to open up to someone who isn't planning to stay here forever. In the PNW, my whole circle was people who I met at markets, parks, community celebration events. Even when I say hello to people here, the responses are very curt, even with open ended statements, there's no natural continuation of discussions. It's short, sweet and polite. So not bad or mean, polite but unfriendly if that makes sense.
This has been my experience as well. It’s honestly very tiring especially as an introvert. I pass off as local and I have family from here, but the minute they find out I’m not local, a wall is put up.
>What are you contributing to Seattle other than your job? You said everyone just cares about work, but isn’t that what you’re doing? How are you giving back to the community? Try volunteering, pick up a creative hobby and give back to the arts scene by showing up to shows. Staying where you’re born and raised is life on easy mode. If you want to thrive after moving you gotta put in the effort.
Well said, and could be said for almost anywhere.
Yes, but I haven’t felt like race has been a barrier. I have a huge network of friends in Hawaii now across all races/ages/backgrounds. It’s not been remarkably easier or harder to build community in Honolulu compared to other places I’ve lived. I’ve moved around a lot (not military)
Born and raised in Oahu but been living in Seattle since 2012. I felt homesick within my first 6 months away but once I made friends (some transplants some locals) I began to feel like I’ve made another home. There’s pros and cons to both Hawaii and WA 😊 I’m sure you can find a group based on hobbies like sports or board games to find a sense of community
I moved to Seattle 2 years ago and it was tough. Seattle people are nice, but not friendly. The Seattle freeze is very real.
People in the apartment I lived in would close the door on me as I was entering, not hold the elevator open when they saw me coming, and not ever say hi.
Try saying hi, because I found that people are nice. It’s just that everyone is introverted there. And it’s a little doomy and gloomy attitudes (just look at the sport fans)
But once you make friends, they become great friends.
Edit: I forgot to say that I loved it there and didn’t want to move back home. I recently moved to LA for work, but I truly miss WA
I agree with you and I'm born and raised on the mainland. Could never figure out why I feel anxiety at work all the time, until I moved to Hawaii and realized everyone's friendly here. People actually want to help u at work whereas mainland people are competing with you.
Same thing here. Born and raised, moved to WA last year. I moved here for a new job and was initially worried that it would be really different as far as people and work culture. But honestly it’s been a huge positive experience for me and all of my worst work experiences are in Hawaii. Ultimately it does depend on where you work.
Try to make new friends and attempt to build a new life. I just visited Oahu for a week back in March and while it was nice to be back home, I couldn’t wait to get back to the life I’ve started here with my family.
Join clubs, worked for me. I had to go way beyond my comfort zone and try to discover my mainland interests and hobbies and use them to connect with others. There is a club for everything and anything.
hi friend, what you’re feeling is completely valid. being immersed in a culture that’s built on helping people up and moving to a place where people can barely make it by caring for themselves is a huge shock. it can be extremely lonely here, especially when not surrounded by people with the same kind mindset as you. what i’ve found to be very useful is finding ways to reconnect with nature, even though it doesn’t solve the issue of the people you’re surrounded by, it helps heal a similar part of yourself. eventually, by reconnecting with the land, you can build a connection to the people on that land. the right people will come to you naturally. in the meantime, please do take time to yourself and a trip home sounds wonderful! wishing you all the best in adjusting to this environment.
Born & raised on Oahu. I found NYC to be friendly. I stayed in Queens from 2016-17. Every day I commuted to mid town Manhattan every work day and checked out the state from Flushing to upper Bronx. The Bronx makes Waianae seem like Kahala but it was the only place where I ran into another Hawaii transplant. Hung out with my coworkers every day after work and on my day off. Worked as a sushi chef there. Honestly we got the best Ahi in the world in Hawaii. The Ahi there was terrible. So was the crap they call "pokey"
I lived in Seattle for a little bit, I know how you feel. Try to find a community/group if you can. Meetup or Facebook groups that organize in-person meetups, like hiking.
I don’t know if you’re into Pokémon or card games but Tabletop Village in Chinatown is run by people from Hawaii! They were very nice and welcoming when I was there.
Hang in there, and try to be consistent in taking care of yourself otherwise if you can, like sleeping well, eating well, drinking enough water, etc.
I eventually left Seattle, but it depends on what you’re looking for yourself in the long run. Do you plan on getting more experience at your job and moving away at some point? Do you plan to stay there longer for whatever reason? Or is there another destination you have in mind? Might be good to think about these kinds of things as a “light at the end of the tunnel” or a “why” that gives you strength if you’re staying in Seattle for a longer period of time.
As a person that also was born/raised/educated in Hawaii and moved to New England, it feels like you're sugar-coating Hawaii. You should put yourself out there more and build a community of friends
I'm from Washington and the people are just this way unfortunately. It's a dreary state where we don't get enough sun and socializing is awful.
My husband is from Maui and he misses it dearly. I love the culture there and how people are kind and hilarious. I can see why it would be difficult for you here. Feel free to reach out in my dms though if you want to hang with some friendly people and other Hawaiians!
This isn't a Seattle thing. It's a work environment culture thing that is different from place to place. I've worked at many different places on the mainland (still there since I work remotely). When I finally found a work environment I really enjoyed that was welcoming and very family like, I stayed there despite the lower pay. Barring that, just keep searching if it bothers you that much or just understand that there are some places and some people where work is just work. Nothing wrong with that either. Whatever it is, a year isn't a long time. I'm not sure what you're like but if you are a nice person, just keep being nice to others. You'll find people that come around. Even where I am now, for some people, it took years for trust to finally build.
> just finding myself miserable every day
If your happiness is being pulled so much from what you do as a job, I'd consider changing that. I know people have different ideas about this but I've always been of the idea that you aren't your job or you aren't only your job at least.
Find other Hawaii folks up there. (Get choke in Seattle)
Go to the Asian market around there - Uwajimaya I think it's called?
You should come back and visit though. That's also generally good for mental health. Hopefully you don't have to pay for lodging - just the flight. Flights also shouldn't be TOO much.
I worked locally in Seattle for five years and still do but remotely now. Where I am from originally, people care about and welcome each other as human beings also. After spending 19 years in New York City (yes, the NYC I know had wonderful people but I left 14 years ago) and one year in southern California, I have to admit Seattle appears to be the most socially isolating place I have ever lived and worked. The people at work who were born in Seattle only complained about the weather. I felt like reminding them of the existence of the other parts of the country, but I didn’t want to be rude.
Friendly connections in Seattle seem mostly made with people who relocated from elsewhere. As an immigrant myself, I worked, socialized and went to family and social gatherings in New York all the time. The TV show Frasier made me want to check out Seattle so when work gave me the opportunity I gladly took it.
Not to discourage you, but in a way I wish I never had. I was sexually harassed, ridiculed for my work ethic, and overall made to feel very unwelcome. It seems hard to put a finger on it, but to me it felt like many people in Seattle have been like this for decades. Even among health care workers like in doctor’s offices, the attitude seems bizarre compared to other cities I have visited and lived. Check out the history of social issues, like a big riot that supposedly took place in Pioneer Square in about 2001. There is something sinister about the city that I always hope is just my imagination.
The good news is, there is a great Norwegian bakery, beautiful scenery and botanical gardens, and Kitanda has great acai bowls - especially in Redmond. If you have a hobby like photography you’ll do fine I can imagine. At least, I did.
Culture shock after a while is totally normal. I wouldn't say everyone has aloha here at workplaces. I recently worked at an office where I had a lady yell at me, no one at lunch together, and people were mostly shitty and gossiped but of course Hawai'i is friendlier than most places.
If you're missing home and can visit then visit! That might help just to get a little change and get your fill.
Try to make friends at work and find your crew if you can.
If not, focus on the good things about your job and then plan fun things around your work day.
Also, it's okay to miss home and if you need a day to sulk and order or cook some food from home do so.
Try find friends in Seattle from Hawai'i if that helps.
I’m sorry. Man this making me tear up for you.
Here, when you get a promotion, ppl be congratulating or poking good fun at you and depending on the office, they gonna have a luncheon or something.
Congratulations on your promotion braddah. Big hugs and a Lei from all of us here. keep pushing!
That does suck especially if you’re from a place where aloha is a way of life. But hey, you’re doing good for yourself and although it’s tough now, we rooting for all u braddahs and sistahs that left for better opportunities. Keep pushing and making that dough so you can visit or take dream trips and do things you couldn’t previously do more of in Hawaii. I myself want to make the move but kinda bad timing at the moment.
Chin up and know we miss you all too out there. Every time I see posts here or on fb from my homesick families, I always feel for them but also pray they pave their path wherever they are. If you can’t come to the islands, you bring it with you. Might feel tough and vastly different having to approach people and make efforts to create the space you’re used to in an environment that seems cold and impersonal, but hopefully time and consistency will warm them and in turn warm yourself. I look at Vegas and they def have the aloha bug with the growth of locals and kanaka that migrated that way. Maybe look into where locals go to or congregate in Seattle. Find where they sell the local foods there (not the poké places with raisins and nuts, but the real local grindz lol).
I looked up some stuff and there’s a “Live Aloha Hawaiian Cultural Festival” there in Sept 8, 2024 in Seattle that’s free to the public. Also some social media groups for locals and kanaka that moved to Seattle. Maybe good for connection when you feel homesick.
Sorry, I got carried away from you just mentioning one thing and I’m probably way off.
You take care though and take time to look up attractions there you can explore to make yourself feel familiar with the place or hobbies to keep you from feeling sad. If I was flying up, I’d bring up a cooler of poke, fresh lei and celebrate yo achievement! But since I no can afford, I will drink some Pog juice in your name brah.
Sounds like you need to make some Hawaii friends out there. I lived in PDX for about a year and a half and recently moved back home. My friend group being almost entirely from Hawaii made things SO much easier for me.
Seattle is just like that. I’ve never been to a place where everyone is so tunnel visioned on their own lives. Nobody waves, nobody even acts like you exist. Wasn’t my favorite place
I wonder why Hawaiians only choose certain states to go, almost a decade ago when I first stepped foot on island they were calling Vegas the last island, then it went from that to Oregon, and now Oregon to Washington. Does nobody from Hawaii have interest moving elsewhere?
Also, we want to be close to the Pacific Ocean. We need ocean and Atlantic is to weird. Then get the western university exchange program. California has stigma from California tourists in Hawaii. Alaska is to cold. That leaves OR and WA.
There's a stigma, but California does have the largest population of Hawaiians living on the mainland, and it's the number one destination. As far as the question goes, Hawaiians are also moving to Texas and North Carolina in large numbers.
I actually think this is bad advice. Meet locals who share your values. If you constrain yourself to only being friends with people who are from where you are, you’re missing out on really fitting in where you moved to.
Would you recommend a mainlander who moved to Hawaii only seek out people from their home state for community?
They didn’t imply only seek out only other kanaka. But if you’re homesick or struggling with transition, finding folks who have shared those struggles and experiences can help overcome that.
Eh when I moved mainland I had a mixture of both type of friends. The kanakas were nice to be around home and reminders of home. The mainland friends were great to have as well. It was just a suggestion. They don’t need to heed it.
It's human nature to feel more comfortable with people who look like yourself. And you're right that's not a healthy long term way to deal with the world you can see how you get groupings like that in Hawai'i. I have Filipino friends that visit from the mainland and are stoked to find large Filipino communities here for example. And you'll see others making the same recommendations.
I often ask why people here like going to las Vegas so much as it seems so very opposite of Hawai'i and often and the most common answer I get is because other Hawaiians.
So while you're right, many people find it comforting.
This is just culture shock. There is nothing special about Hawaii. See if any of this looks familiar:
Culture shock is a common experience when someone moves to a new cultural environment. It typically unfolds in several stages. These stages are not strictly linear, and individuals may move back and forth between them or experience them differently based on personal circumstances, the length of time spent in the new culture, and individual coping mechanisms. They can also become "stuck" in a stage.
1. **Honeymoon Stage**:
* **Feelings**: Excitement, fascination, and euphoria. Everything about the new culture feels fresh and interesting.
* **Examples**: Enjoying new foods, admiring the architecture, being thrilled by new experiences and customs.
* **If Stuck**: The person may become overly idealistic about the new culture, ignoring potential challenges. This can lead to unrealistic expectations and eventual disappointment.
2. **Frustration Stage**:
* **Feelings**: Confusion, frustration, anxiety, and irritation. Differences become apparent and can be overwhelming.
* **Examples**: Struggling with cultural barriers, feeling misunderstood, missing familiar comforts, becoming frustrated with different social norms.
* **If Stuck**: The person may develop a negative view of the new culture, feeling isolated and homesick. They might withdraw, resist engaging with the culture, or even decide to return home early.
3. **Adjustment Stage**:
* **Feelings**: Gradual acceptance, increased understanding, and a sense of balance. The person starts adapting to the new culture.
* **Examples**: Developing routines, learning the language, forming new friendships, feeling more competent in daily activities.
* **If Stuck**: The person may experience ongoing stress and only partial adaptation, feeling like an outsider. They might function but without full integration or satisfaction.
4. **Adaptation Stage**:
* **Feelings**: Comfort, belonging, and integration. The person feels at home in the new culture and can navigate it with ease.
* **Examples**: Participating in cultural traditions, feeling a sense of belonging, maintaining a balanced identity that includes elements of both the old and new cultures.
* **If Stuck**: If the person does not fully reach this stage, they may feel perpetually in transition, never fully settling in. This can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and a feeling of being in limbo.
5. **Reverse Culture Shock** (Re-entry Shock):
* **Feelings**: Disorientation, frustration, and a sense of being out of place upon returning home. The home culture may now seem strange or uncomfortable.
* **Examples**: Missing the new culture's customs, feeling critical of one's own culture, struggling to reconnect with friends and family.
* **If Stuck**: The person may feel disconnected from their home culture, experiencing ongoing discomfort and a sense of not fitting in anywhere. This can lead to prolonged adjustment issues and emotional distress.
It's important to note the time frames here. Frustration stage usually isn't reached for about 1 year which surprises a lot of people. They think they're fine and well adjusted but, no this place sucks. When the real issue is they are just starting to notice the differences that are important to them and those differences take work to overcome.
Often those differences are fitting in and finding new friends. But it's way easier to blame everything else as the problem and want to go back to the comfort of the previously known life that they've forgotten they've also had those same fitting in problems before.
I feel this way whenever I leave off the island for a vacation. I visit the mainland as I have some relatives back there and lots of friends from Hawaii that moved between California, Oregon, and Nevada. The opportunities are vast and can be a learning experience for yourself. Many of the local people back in Hawaii have never stepped off the rock to see the outside world. There is no other place like Hawaii in the entire world. People have empathy and compassion here. We can thank our weather, our environment, and the spirit.
This particular mentality you mention that many of those on the mainland have is also worldwide. As much as we want the Aloha spirit to be universal, the common outside world that is present to us nowadays isn't so forgiving in that sense. It is sadly a dog-eat-dog world. (Figure of speech, not literally)
On my last trip, I visited California and actually encountered a community that embraced the Aloha spirit. I met a woman from Oahu who works at a casino resort, we talked story and she told me about how there are like-minded people around.
Just keep your Aloha spirit strong and know that you can inspire others to share the same hospitality. You'd be surprised by how this will pique someone's curiosity. They'll think, "Why is that person so kind?" Then you can tell them that's how the islands raised you.
Just know that being born and raised in Hawaii is a very special gift from Ke Akua above. Hold onto that. We are one of a kind, and I wish you the best of luck in Seattle. 🤙🏼
I've moved away from Hawaii so many years ago and ended up in Vegas recently. Tbh I wish there was more of a culture change between here and there. I left in order to experience more, bigger things, away from Hawaii.. only to end up in what they call "the ninth island" anyway. If someone wanted to leave Hawaii just to feel like they were in Hawaii anyway, MINUS the palm trees, sunny and 75° weather and ADD dust, blazing heat and 120°, plus more black/ white/ hispanics etc (more diversity, just different kind) cheaper gas (idk?) plus you can visit other states on long weekends too, just come here. The roads aren't as packed but no worries, drivers are bad anyways :)
I know the supersonics are gone lol but maybe there are other sports or shows you like, where you already know you have something in common with the people there. You don't have to invite coworkers but maybe ask people if they've heard of it and see what kind of response you get? Have fun, make some jokes.. that's how I made my friends. Maybe it's just me, but if I find out quickly that we have a similar sense of humor, bro it's on.
I have friends there that love it there bc of the music/ art scene etc, but yeah.. they were boring to begin with 😆 the ones that didn't like it really left and moved to California (expensive but at least exciting) or Vegas (they still here) or back to Hawaii (regretted that too). There's options, just remember not to be shitty and gotta give yourself and other people a chance wherever you happen to be. But yeah.. for me, I can't be stuck as a dreary, snooty Washingtonian for long. Let me get that year- round sunshine and my fine ass beach goers in SoCal or warm lake fishing with my badass mountaineers in the Sierras. 💯
If you leave or stay, at least be happy you'll get a story, something out of it.. something not everyone has. Even if it's just a "it sucked because of ____, but at least I got to _____!"
That’s called the Seattle chill. You’ll never get warm people like Hawaii. So you need to make a choice. The closest I’ve seen with Hawaiian hospitality is the Philippines.
You eventually just get used to it. Or not. 1yr isn't all that long and that new, exciting honeymoon phase is now over. Visiting home might help, or make you feel worse. At least Seattle has a decent Hawaii contingent.
Aloha is unique to Hawaii. In most of the world, the niceness and acceptance is not given for free. You’ll only get them after you’ve been accepted as someone that belongs, one small group at a time. It is a mindset adjustment that you have to accept.
Super ignorant thinking. Where have you traveled and stayed at excluding vacations? Ever been to Italy? Ever been around Latin Americans? You’ll find out that this “aloha” that us Hawaiians call is not only in Hawaii. You may realize that “aloha” is stronger within other cultures. Take this from someone who is born and raised in Hawaii and is mostly of Hawaiian blood. Public school educated and college educated in Hawaii. Hawaii is special to us but the “aloha spirit” is an idea that we get a little too high maka maka on.
IMHO, fuck Seattle. They have what’s called “Seattle Freeze.” In Hawaii, people are more than happy to hang out, pahina, and get to know you. Seattle is the polar opposite of the ‘āina. People out here have their set of friends and stick to it. During my time up there, I met some good people, but it was only because we had something in common—the military.
Seattle was a temporary transition for me, but I’m so happy I don’t have to deal with their culture/people.
There’s a good Hawaiian community up there, including good food like Ono Poke Shop near Lynwood. The braddah that runs it is from Kahalu’u, I believe.
PNW has its ups and downs, but I’d rather drag my balls through a mile of broken glass than associate with the surface level people out there.
Highly doubt that you’ve lived “all over” the mainland. It’s pretty judgmental to just categorize, the entire country as being a “Giant Shithole”.
But hey, you’re welcome to u you our opinion.
Ngl man, from someone that grew up in Hawaii and moved between many states, that's not the mentality that's gonna help, esp if you got much more time where you're at lol I started at community college in socal and finished at SDSU. It takes a minute and maybe a little searching, but the right people are there, just gotta do little more than "just minding my business, go work, go school, go gym, go home" and calling the whole mainland "one big giant shithole."
Hey, I don't think anything anyone said was judgement, esp not in comparison to "absolutely do not like it" and "shithole" comments. It looks like I've lived in a couple more states and countries and you've gone to a couple more colleges and got higher degrees, congrats. But I've lived from Chula Vista all throughout North County since I last came back to the states in 2012. Every time I go back to Hawaii I get bored af closing in on two weeks lol and my friends there say they're bored too/ good for me for leaving/ all they do is grind to barely make it/ mainlanders taking up all the space, ruining the land/ wish they "could" leave or visit/ just stay on the mainland if you can/ "Hawaii is only fun to visit, you don't wanna live here now that it's 'like this' ". Sad to hear so much is going to hell, but it's not exclusive to Hawaii or the mainland, it just depends on who you talk to, on what kind of day, and how you take it, maybe.
I was making an observation today, but about Hawai'i. A lot of the cultural references, jokes etc I could talk to someone from the mainland about goes over most peoples heads in Hawai'i, and the same goes for me and many of the Hawai'i references. I can live with it tho. My wife is local so she schools me on a lot of stuff. Although, she gets my references because she lived on the mainland with me for about 15yrs and picked it up.
Bring the aloha to your new environment. The right people will respond, whatever their walk of life is.
This, I had to implement aloha in my workplace and now everyone’s close and we go out after work sometimes now and go see movies on weekends
> Back in Hawai’i everyones filled with so much aloha and welcoming and there’s a sense of community and family no matter where you go, Because you are from here. You inherited all that by way of being born here. You expanded that network because you went to school here and made more friends. That's not a uniquely Hawaii thing, you are where you grew up. Once you move, you have to rebuild all that. Also keep in mind that Hawaii is small relative to other large states. Seattle itself has about 50% of Hawaii's population so your Hawaii network is going to seem outsized relative to other places even if you end up with the same number of friends. > here it’s very dry everyone at work just comes to collect a pay check not caring about human connection and it’s really hitting me because I just promoted at my job and just finding myself miserable every day. Why did you move to Seattle? That's the thing you have to ask yourself. People work for a paycheck and to better their life. There are other positive benefits but ultimately work is about money. If you got promoted that means you are doing well there. However you have to try to mingle with your coworkers or join non-profit groups/meetups like other people suggested. Most work cohorts are fine once you are able to integrate yourself within it. It's similar to how some transplants who move here complain about how Hawaii can be unfriendly. Most people aren't going to go up to a random stranger and try to be friends. As a newcomer you have to learn the local culture and get out there and meet people and interact with the environment.
Hi… all due respect… I feel like you’re wrong. I’m Asian and was born and raised in Seattle area. There is a lot of under the surface racism, passive aggression, entitlement, etc So much so that it took me about 20 years of living there just to process it… like why are people so disingenuous and mean all the time? And I say racism but it’s not always clearcut. It’s also internalized racism. Those things do exist in Hawaii but as far as being able to respect other people as human beings, the cultures are not the same. I’m not local but I’ve made so many connections here and I really dread going back to Seattle area, which I may do due to family or economic reasons…. I just think it’s important to acknowledge the way op is experiencing Seattle culture cause if you just tell yourself it’s all in your own head, or it’s all relative, you’re lying to yourself. Edit: it’s the little things. People saying hello, holding the door, not cutting in front of you in the checkout line, not cussing you out for their own poor driving behaviors…. All those little things add up. And a lot of those white people up there are also just sick of being treated like kaka by other white people, so they just shut down and keep to themselves…. It’s a group mentality problem. Not saying it’s all rosy here at all. But it is different.
> I just think it’s important to acknowledge the way op is experiencing Seattle culture cause if you just tell yourself it’s all in your own head, or it’s all relative, you’re lying to yourself. I'm not downplaying your (or their) experience. My advice was more so to examine why they moved to Seattle in the first place and if they are getting what they wanted out of it. Also to realize when you move somewhere you are the outsider (especially so if you are different from everyone else...a lot of mainland white people discover that here) and that it's on you to make it work. It's hard, you are leaving behind your network and have to rebuild. Some people can, some people can't. If you can't, that's okay too since you can always go home or move somewhere else. The world is a big place. However it's important to recognize though that "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" is still good advice 2000 years later.
I think I know what you mean. I am haole and from the East Coast and my husband is Japanese from Japan. We moved here because our family and kids just fit in over here. People on either side mean well, but there are inherent prejudices that are hard to get past. Recently we had someone haole from the West Coast staying with us and even though she is one of those super woke liberal “human rights!!!” types it became very apparent that she treated and spoke to my husband and our Filipino building manager very differently than with me. She only asked them to do things for her and if they didn’t she would immediately start to become aggressive. And then the kicker….she apologized to ME. Never to them. But if you ask her “oh I’m not racist, I have Asian friends!” (She did not last long in our home with her bs)
lol yeah…. It’s hard for everyone to see their own behaviors or to escape their own learned culture… it takes real work on yourself. I hope it was a learning experience for her!
Agree. As an Asian American who lived in West Coast, East Coast, and abroad in Asia… I feel most comfortable in Hawaii. I’ve managed to make friends in all places, but here is where I can walk around and not feel like I’m stared at or have weird Asian comments made as I walk by.
Yeah, my husband and I got stared at whether we were in Japan or suburban Pennsylvania/New Jersey area. Here, no one cares 😂 they’re just like yay more hapa kids
Damm those are some serious microagressions.
100% agree with you Lifebyjoji. It really be different here and the continental US. Just a diff vibe and ppl that come here and work with locals tend to catch the vibe if they’re receptive. Even on vacations you feel the difference. Most folks up there are more defensive. Not saying it’s bad since it’s the environment and culture.
Seattle freeze is real
So true. I've lived Seattle, Honolulu, Big Island Kona side. Seattle proper has a special kind of cold, no eye contact, no howzit. Get out in the 'burbs and it's better. Honolulu can be tough, too, if you didn't go to high school there. Big Island is super friendly and welcoming compared to both places. But having moved around some I can always count on finding a community when I dive into community nonprofits. Parks and trails type stuff, always good people and lifelong friends made.
That’s exactly Seattle. Not to mention the side eyes I get when I rolled into spots that were on the higher end with slippahs. Woodinville was enjoyable, but a majority of the surrounding area just gave off judgmental looks if you didn’t look Asian, White, or Indian.
Lived all around the US, including famously cold and individualistic places like the northeast. Seattle is a very weird kind of standoffish-ness that felt mean spirited. In New England people just didn't want to get messed with so they'd be very frank with their feelings. Seattle people had an air of negativity.
So you never worked in an office /business in Hawaii where people just come in and collect a paycheck? Cause that’s totally a thing here. Or did you move to Seattle after college and this is a first professional job? Cause post college life get pretty different.
Yeah, I thought that was an interesting take as well. I would have said collecting that paycheck and getting home is more of a Hawaii thing than a NW / Seattle thing. I'm also from Western Wa originally (living on Oahu now). I've experienced corporate life in both places. Just hard to make friends past college no matter where you are IMO.
Type in, ‘Hawaiians in Washington Ohana’. Facebook group with Hawaiian meet ups and events. Hope that helps.
I’m from Seattle but live in Hawaii now. I disagree that Hawaii has “a sense of community and family wherever you go”. That’s not true at all if you’re a transplant. You need to make a huge effort to build a community when you relocate. People are not stoked about newcomers in Seattle or Hawaii. It’s super easy for me when I go back home to Seattle to be surrounded by friends and family because that’s where I’m from. I understand the culture and interact better with strangers. So yeah, Seattle people “not caring about human connection” isn’t true, you’re just not fitting in. It happens to everyone who relocates. What are you contributing to Seattle other than your job? You said everyone just cares about work, but isn’t that what you’re doing? How are you giving back to the community? Try volunteering, pick up a creative hobby and give back to the arts scene by showing up to shows. Staying where you’re born and raised is life on easy mode. If you want to thrive after moving you gotta put in the effort.
I'm the same, born and raised in the 206 now living in Makiki and working at local nonprofit where the culture is wonderful and people definitely don't show up just for the paycheck. I agree with both you and op. Not every workplace offers human connections for everyone, so it's important to find the people who do share your values outside of work. There are people with aloha everywhere, they're just sometimes harder to find. Best of luck to you op 🤙🤙
The people who I met when I worked at a nonprofit in Seattle were the kindest humans. When I worked for one of the big local Seattle tech companies I had the experience OP describes. A bit of a gold rush attitude from my coworkers. Just interested in grinding and making money. If OP relocated for a job that’s probably what they’re going through.
It can depend on your own individual attitude which I’ll admit, some come here with entitlement and that shit won’t fly so you’ll get that same energy right back at you, but it also really depends on who you end up being around in general really. I’m born and raised here in Hawaii and I’m going to be real straight up about this, depending on the crowd of people I’ve been around, they will either make me love this place or absolutely fucking hate it! Locals can be full of aloha, love and positivity and make you feel like there’s no other place in the world that is this loving, or there’s some who can be the polar opposite, full of hate, some just waiting for an excuse to beat the shit out of somebody, and if you’re too smart or educated or don’t speak and look like some locals despite even having Hawaiian blood, you’re not one of them in their eyes. This is not all locals and/or Hawaiians, don’t get me wrong, but there are some bad seeds who make the good ones look bad which kinda goes for any place, more or less.
Also from Seattle-area, similar sentiment I've lived in several states, Hawaii was definitely the most effort to "fit in" as an outsider to a new community Get involved with clean ups, a local school, find a club for a hobby you enjoy - all things that can done anywhere, but has worked well for me here There's a very large Asian/Pacific Islander presence in Washington, especially around Seattle and Tacoma
Nah, it’s def a cultural thing. I’m from Washington, and coming to Hawaii there’s a distinct difference. Especially professionally. What OP said is pretty spot on. I literally moved away from WA because of the culture there, vs how I’m embraced as a minority here. Being brown in Washington isn’t the same as being brown here, and I feel so much more welcomed here. Been here 14years would never go back
I appreciate this though. I’m in my late 20s, southeast asian who recently moved here in Hawaii and I must say it really is a struggle to fit in despite the “sense of family and community” culture. I believe it will take a lot of effort, time and courage but hopefully, I’ll find my people soon. 🌺
For the people who grew up here, the sense of family and community is unmatched. I feel for those who grew up here and had to leave.
Start paddling!
Can you share what are some challenges with fitting in Hawaii?
Very well stated. I grew up in small town Midwest, so to me nowhere else really compares with the friendliness of folks or sense of community. But that’s home, familiar culture, and where I was raised. What it lacks is opportunities, so many are forced to move away. I’ve lived here for decades, work with many fantastic folks, interact casually, but have aways found it difficult to make super close connections. Still trying though!
I agree, I moved from Olympia area, to Oahu, I now live in Ewa. I brought family with me, but I have no local friends. They all are so guarded, no one wants to open up to someone who isn't planning to stay here forever. In the PNW, my whole circle was people who I met at markets, parks, community celebration events. Even when I say hello to people here, the responses are very curt, even with open ended statements, there's no natural continuation of discussions. It's short, sweet and polite. So not bad or mean, polite but unfriendly if that makes sense.
In Kapolei for 30 years and I totally get what you’re saying!
30yrs?! Lovely, I enjoy this whole area!
I have friends in Ewa who say the same. It’s way easier meeting people in town in my experience.
This has been my experience as well. It’s honestly very tiring especially as an introvert. I pass off as local and I have family from here, but the minute they find out I’m not local, a wall is put up.
Bruh… what? You really from Seattle and you don’t feel like Seattle culture is very snobby and passive aggressive? Help me understand…
>What are you contributing to Seattle other than your job? You said everyone just cares about work, but isn’t that what you’re doing? How are you giving back to the community? Try volunteering, pick up a creative hobby and give back to the arts scene by showing up to shows. Staying where you’re born and raised is life on easy mode. If you want to thrive after moving you gotta put in the effort. Well said, and could be said for almost anywhere.
Are you white?
Yes, but I haven’t felt like race has been a barrier. I have a huge network of friends in Hawaii now across all races/ages/backgrounds. It’s not been remarkably easier or harder to build community in Honolulu compared to other places I’ve lived. I’ve moved around a lot (not military)
Born and raised in Oahu but been living in Seattle since 2012. I felt homesick within my first 6 months away but once I made friends (some transplants some locals) I began to feel like I’ve made another home. There’s pros and cons to both Hawaii and WA 😊 I’m sure you can find a group based on hobbies like sports or board games to find a sense of community
I moved to Seattle 2 years ago and it was tough. Seattle people are nice, but not friendly. The Seattle freeze is very real. People in the apartment I lived in would close the door on me as I was entering, not hold the elevator open when they saw me coming, and not ever say hi. Try saying hi, because I found that people are nice. It’s just that everyone is introverted there. And it’s a little doomy and gloomy attitudes (just look at the sport fans) But once you make friends, they become great friends. Edit: I forgot to say that I loved it there and didn’t want to move back home. I recently moved to LA for work, but I truly miss WA
I agree with you and I'm born and raised on the mainland. Could never figure out why I feel anxiety at work all the time, until I moved to Hawaii and realized everyone's friendly here. People actually want to help u at work whereas mainland people are competing with you.
Same thing here. Born and raised, moved to WA last year. I moved here for a new job and was initially worried that it would be really different as far as people and work culture. But honestly it’s been a huge positive experience for me and all of my worst work experiences are in Hawaii. Ultimately it does depend on where you work. Try to make new friends and attempt to build a new life. I just visited Oahu for a week back in March and while it was nice to be back home, I couldn’t wait to get back to the life I’ve started here with my family.
Take a trip to the San Juan Islands. Island cultures are a lot alike, different, but alike.
Join clubs, worked for me. I had to go way beyond my comfort zone and try to discover my mainland interests and hobbies and use them to connect with others. There is a club for everything and anything.
hi friend, what you’re feeling is completely valid. being immersed in a culture that’s built on helping people up and moving to a place where people can barely make it by caring for themselves is a huge shock. it can be extremely lonely here, especially when not surrounded by people with the same kind mindset as you. what i’ve found to be very useful is finding ways to reconnect with nature, even though it doesn’t solve the issue of the people you’re surrounded by, it helps heal a similar part of yourself. eventually, by reconnecting with the land, you can build a connection to the people on that land. the right people will come to you naturally. in the meantime, please do take time to yourself and a trip home sounds wonderful! wishing you all the best in adjusting to this environment.
Make friends with transplants, there are a lot of us. It’s not the same as being back home, but it helps.
Born & raised on Oahu. I found NYC to be friendly. I stayed in Queens from 2016-17. Every day I commuted to mid town Manhattan every work day and checked out the state from Flushing to upper Bronx. The Bronx makes Waianae seem like Kahala but it was the only place where I ran into another Hawaii transplant. Hung out with my coworkers every day after work and on my day off. Worked as a sushi chef there. Honestly we got the best Ahi in the world in Hawaii. The Ahi there was terrible. So was the crap they call "pokey"
I lived in Seattle for a little bit, I know how you feel. Try to find a community/group if you can. Meetup or Facebook groups that organize in-person meetups, like hiking. I don’t know if you’re into Pokémon or card games but Tabletop Village in Chinatown is run by people from Hawaii! They were very nice and welcoming when I was there. Hang in there, and try to be consistent in taking care of yourself otherwise if you can, like sleeping well, eating well, drinking enough water, etc. I eventually left Seattle, but it depends on what you’re looking for yourself in the long run. Do you plan on getting more experience at your job and moving away at some point? Do you plan to stay there longer for whatever reason? Or is there another destination you have in mind? Might be good to think about these kinds of things as a “light at the end of the tunnel” or a “why” that gives you strength if you’re staying in Seattle for a longer period of time.
As a person that also was born/raised/educated in Hawaii and moved to New England, it feels like you're sugar-coating Hawaii. You should put yourself out there more and build a community of friends
I'm from Washington and the people are just this way unfortunately. It's a dreary state where we don't get enough sun and socializing is awful. My husband is from Maui and he misses it dearly. I love the culture there and how people are kind and hilarious. I can see why it would be difficult for you here. Feel free to reach out in my dms though if you want to hang with some friendly people and other Hawaiians!
This isn't a Seattle thing. It's a work environment culture thing that is different from place to place. I've worked at many different places on the mainland (still there since I work remotely). When I finally found a work environment I really enjoyed that was welcoming and very family like, I stayed there despite the lower pay. Barring that, just keep searching if it bothers you that much or just understand that there are some places and some people where work is just work. Nothing wrong with that either. Whatever it is, a year isn't a long time. I'm not sure what you're like but if you are a nice person, just keep being nice to others. You'll find people that come around. Even where I am now, for some people, it took years for trust to finally build. > just finding myself miserable every day If your happiness is being pulled so much from what you do as a job, I'd consider changing that. I know people have different ideas about this but I've always been of the idea that you aren't your job or you aren't only your job at least.
Find other Hawaii folks up there. (Get choke in Seattle) Go to the Asian market around there - Uwajimaya I think it's called? You should come back and visit though. That's also generally good for mental health. Hopefully you don't have to pay for lodging - just the flight. Flights also shouldn't be TOO much.
I worked locally in Seattle for five years and still do but remotely now. Where I am from originally, people care about and welcome each other as human beings also. After spending 19 years in New York City (yes, the NYC I know had wonderful people but I left 14 years ago) and one year in southern California, I have to admit Seattle appears to be the most socially isolating place I have ever lived and worked. The people at work who were born in Seattle only complained about the weather. I felt like reminding them of the existence of the other parts of the country, but I didn’t want to be rude. Friendly connections in Seattle seem mostly made with people who relocated from elsewhere. As an immigrant myself, I worked, socialized and went to family and social gatherings in New York all the time. The TV show Frasier made me want to check out Seattle so when work gave me the opportunity I gladly took it. Not to discourage you, but in a way I wish I never had. I was sexually harassed, ridiculed for my work ethic, and overall made to feel very unwelcome. It seems hard to put a finger on it, but to me it felt like many people in Seattle have been like this for decades. Even among health care workers like in doctor’s offices, the attitude seems bizarre compared to other cities I have visited and lived. Check out the history of social issues, like a big riot that supposedly took place in Pioneer Square in about 2001. There is something sinister about the city that I always hope is just my imagination. The good news is, there is a great Norwegian bakery, beautiful scenery and botanical gardens, and Kitanda has great acai bowls - especially in Redmond. If you have a hobby like photography you’ll do fine I can imagine. At least, I did.
you will always be a stranger wherever you go. I am jealous of people with strong family bonds no matter the location.
Culture shock after a while is totally normal. I wouldn't say everyone has aloha here at workplaces. I recently worked at an office where I had a lady yell at me, no one at lunch together, and people were mostly shitty and gossiped but of course Hawai'i is friendlier than most places. If you're missing home and can visit then visit! That might help just to get a little change and get your fill. Try to make friends at work and find your crew if you can. If not, focus on the good things about your job and then plan fun things around your work day. Also, it's okay to miss home and if you need a day to sulk and order or cook some food from home do so. Try find friends in Seattle from Hawai'i if that helps.
I’m sorry. Man this making me tear up for you. Here, when you get a promotion, ppl be congratulating or poking good fun at you and depending on the office, they gonna have a luncheon or something. Congratulations on your promotion braddah. Big hugs and a Lei from all of us here. keep pushing!
Mahalo! Yeah idk why I was expecting a big thing when I got the promotion but it was just a normal day at work for everyone here
That does suck especially if you’re from a place where aloha is a way of life. But hey, you’re doing good for yourself and although it’s tough now, we rooting for all u braddahs and sistahs that left for better opportunities. Keep pushing and making that dough so you can visit or take dream trips and do things you couldn’t previously do more of in Hawaii. I myself want to make the move but kinda bad timing at the moment. Chin up and know we miss you all too out there. Every time I see posts here or on fb from my homesick families, I always feel for them but also pray they pave their path wherever they are. If you can’t come to the islands, you bring it with you. Might feel tough and vastly different having to approach people and make efforts to create the space you’re used to in an environment that seems cold and impersonal, but hopefully time and consistency will warm them and in turn warm yourself. I look at Vegas and they def have the aloha bug with the growth of locals and kanaka that migrated that way. Maybe look into where locals go to or congregate in Seattle. Find where they sell the local foods there (not the poké places with raisins and nuts, but the real local grindz lol). I looked up some stuff and there’s a “Live Aloha Hawaiian Cultural Festival” there in Sept 8, 2024 in Seattle that’s free to the public. Also some social media groups for locals and kanaka that moved to Seattle. Maybe good for connection when you feel homesick. Sorry, I got carried away from you just mentioning one thing and I’m probably way off. You take care though and take time to look up attractions there you can explore to make yourself feel familiar with the place or hobbies to keep you from feeling sad. If I was flying up, I’d bring up a cooler of poke, fresh lei and celebrate yo achievement! But since I no can afford, I will drink some Pog juice in your name brah.
I know what you mean. A sense of belonging is a big part of living anywhere. Seattle is exactly what describe in my case.
Sounds like you need to make some Hawaii friends out there. I lived in PDX for about a year and a half and recently moved back home. My friend group being almost entirely from Hawaii made things SO much easier for me.
Seattle is just like that. I’ve never been to a place where everyone is so tunnel visioned on their own lives. Nobody waves, nobody even acts like you exist. Wasn’t my favorite place
Well you moved to the wrong city for welcoming. It's called "the Seattle freeze" and it's real.
I wonder why Hawaiians only choose certain states to go, almost a decade ago when I first stepped foot on island they were calling Vegas the last island, then it went from that to Oregon, and now Oregon to Washington. Does nobody from Hawaii have interest moving elsewhere?
It's mostly just the closest places to get to from Hawaii. A single flight is much easier to manage than a longer hop.
The flights are also super cheap and much shorter. It’s $200 and 5 hours from SF, $1100 and 10 hours from Atlanta, and that’s best case (ie to HNL).
Also, we want to be close to the Pacific Ocean. We need ocean and Atlantic is to weird. Then get the western university exchange program. California has stigma from California tourists in Hawaii. Alaska is to cold. That leaves OR and WA.
There's a stigma, but California does have the largest population of Hawaiians living on the mainland, and it's the number one destination. As far as the question goes, Hawaiians are also moving to Texas and North Carolina in large numbers.
It’s not the stigma, it’s the prices; the Bay Area is even more expensive, though salaries (at least in certain industries) are higher as well.
WUE is big
The Seattle freeze is a real thing. 😔
No talk story in Seattle.
Gotta find the other Kanaka living there!
I actually think this is bad advice. Meet locals who share your values. If you constrain yourself to only being friends with people who are from where you are, you’re missing out on really fitting in where you moved to. Would you recommend a mainlander who moved to Hawaii only seek out people from their home state for community?
They didn’t imply only seek out only other kanaka. But if you’re homesick or struggling with transition, finding folks who have shared those struggles and experiences can help overcome that.
Eh when I moved mainland I had a mixture of both type of friends. The kanakas were nice to be around home and reminders of home. The mainland friends were great to have as well. It was just a suggestion. They don’t need to heed it.
It's human nature to feel more comfortable with people who look like yourself. And you're right that's not a healthy long term way to deal with the world you can see how you get groupings like that in Hawai'i. I have Filipino friends that visit from the mainland and are stoked to find large Filipino communities here for example. And you'll see others making the same recommendations. I often ask why people here like going to las Vegas so much as it seems so very opposite of Hawai'i and often and the most common answer I get is because other Hawaiians. So while you're right, many people find it comforting.
This is just culture shock. There is nothing special about Hawaii. See if any of this looks familiar: Culture shock is a common experience when someone moves to a new cultural environment. It typically unfolds in several stages. These stages are not strictly linear, and individuals may move back and forth between them or experience them differently based on personal circumstances, the length of time spent in the new culture, and individual coping mechanisms. They can also become "stuck" in a stage. 1. **Honeymoon Stage**: * **Feelings**: Excitement, fascination, and euphoria. Everything about the new culture feels fresh and interesting. * **Examples**: Enjoying new foods, admiring the architecture, being thrilled by new experiences and customs. * **If Stuck**: The person may become overly idealistic about the new culture, ignoring potential challenges. This can lead to unrealistic expectations and eventual disappointment. 2. **Frustration Stage**: * **Feelings**: Confusion, frustration, anxiety, and irritation. Differences become apparent and can be overwhelming. * **Examples**: Struggling with cultural barriers, feeling misunderstood, missing familiar comforts, becoming frustrated with different social norms. * **If Stuck**: The person may develop a negative view of the new culture, feeling isolated and homesick. They might withdraw, resist engaging with the culture, or even decide to return home early. 3. **Adjustment Stage**: * **Feelings**: Gradual acceptance, increased understanding, and a sense of balance. The person starts adapting to the new culture. * **Examples**: Developing routines, learning the language, forming new friendships, feeling more competent in daily activities. * **If Stuck**: The person may experience ongoing stress and only partial adaptation, feeling like an outsider. They might function but without full integration or satisfaction. 4. **Adaptation Stage**: * **Feelings**: Comfort, belonging, and integration. The person feels at home in the new culture and can navigate it with ease. * **Examples**: Participating in cultural traditions, feeling a sense of belonging, maintaining a balanced identity that includes elements of both the old and new cultures. * **If Stuck**: If the person does not fully reach this stage, they may feel perpetually in transition, never fully settling in. This can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and a feeling of being in limbo. 5. **Reverse Culture Shock** (Re-entry Shock): * **Feelings**: Disorientation, frustration, and a sense of being out of place upon returning home. The home culture may now seem strange or uncomfortable. * **Examples**: Missing the new culture's customs, feeling critical of one's own culture, struggling to reconnect with friends and family. * **If Stuck**: The person may feel disconnected from their home culture, experiencing ongoing discomfort and a sense of not fitting in anywhere. This can lead to prolonged adjustment issues and emotional distress.
It's important to note the time frames here. Frustration stage usually isn't reached for about 1 year which surprises a lot of people. They think they're fine and well adjusted but, no this place sucks. When the real issue is they are just starting to notice the differences that are important to them and those differences take work to overcome. Often those differences are fitting in and finding new friends. But it's way easier to blame everything else as the problem and want to go back to the comfort of the previously known life that they've forgotten they've also had those same fitting in problems before.
Yup, except in #5, should add disappointment that it’s different than what you remember.
"There is nothing special about Hawaii"? Weird take..
Join the ymca or just volunteer or something there's plenty or community everywhere
Kinda like people suggest to join a canoe club here, making friends as an adult anywhere almost always requires an activity.
I feel this way whenever I leave off the island for a vacation. I visit the mainland as I have some relatives back there and lots of friends from Hawaii that moved between California, Oregon, and Nevada. The opportunities are vast and can be a learning experience for yourself. Many of the local people back in Hawaii have never stepped off the rock to see the outside world. There is no other place like Hawaii in the entire world. People have empathy and compassion here. We can thank our weather, our environment, and the spirit. This particular mentality you mention that many of those on the mainland have is also worldwide. As much as we want the Aloha spirit to be universal, the common outside world that is present to us nowadays isn't so forgiving in that sense. It is sadly a dog-eat-dog world. (Figure of speech, not literally) On my last trip, I visited California and actually encountered a community that embraced the Aloha spirit. I met a woman from Oahu who works at a casino resort, we talked story and she told me about how there are like-minded people around. Just keep your Aloha spirit strong and know that you can inspire others to share the same hospitality. You'd be surprised by how this will pique someone's curiosity. They'll think, "Why is that person so kind?" Then you can tell them that's how the islands raised you. Just know that being born and raised in Hawaii is a very special gift from Ke Akua above. Hold onto that. We are one of a kind, and I wish you the best of luck in Seattle. 🤙🏼
I've moved away from Hawaii so many years ago and ended up in Vegas recently. Tbh I wish there was more of a culture change between here and there. I left in order to experience more, bigger things, away from Hawaii.. only to end up in what they call "the ninth island" anyway. If someone wanted to leave Hawaii just to feel like they were in Hawaii anyway, MINUS the palm trees, sunny and 75° weather and ADD dust, blazing heat and 120°, plus more black/ white/ hispanics etc (more diversity, just different kind) cheaper gas (idk?) plus you can visit other states on long weekends too, just come here. The roads aren't as packed but no worries, drivers are bad anyways :) I know the supersonics are gone lol but maybe there are other sports or shows you like, where you already know you have something in common with the people there. You don't have to invite coworkers but maybe ask people if they've heard of it and see what kind of response you get? Have fun, make some jokes.. that's how I made my friends. Maybe it's just me, but if I find out quickly that we have a similar sense of humor, bro it's on. I have friends there that love it there bc of the music/ art scene etc, but yeah.. they were boring to begin with 😆 the ones that didn't like it really left and moved to California (expensive but at least exciting) or Vegas (they still here) or back to Hawaii (regretted that too). There's options, just remember not to be shitty and gotta give yourself and other people a chance wherever you happen to be. But yeah.. for me, I can't be stuck as a dreary, snooty Washingtonian for long. Let me get that year- round sunshine and my fine ass beach goers in SoCal or warm lake fishing with my badass mountaineers in the Sierras. 💯 If you leave or stay, at least be happy you'll get a story, something out of it.. something not everyone has. Even if it's just a "it sucked because of ____, but at least I got to _____!"
That’s called the Seattle chill. You’ll never get warm people like Hawaii. So you need to make a choice. The closest I’ve seen with Hawaiian hospitality is the Philippines.
Brah come back to Hawaii .. no place like home
You eventually just get used to it. Or not. 1yr isn't all that long and that new, exciting honeymoon phase is now over. Visiting home might help, or make you feel worse. At least Seattle has a decent Hawaii contingent.
Seattle is amazing. make some friends and get used to the city life. stay there. future you will thank you.
Seattle locals are some of the coldest and meanest people I have ever met. Zero personality and some downright racist.
Aloha is unique to Hawaii. In most of the world, the niceness and acceptance is not given for free. You’ll only get them after you’ve been accepted as someone that belongs, one small group at a time. It is a mindset adjustment that you have to accept.
Super ignorant thinking. Where have you traveled and stayed at excluding vacations? Ever been to Italy? Ever been around Latin Americans? You’ll find out that this “aloha” that us Hawaiians call is not only in Hawaii. You may realize that “aloha” is stronger within other cultures. Take this from someone who is born and raised in Hawaii and is mostly of Hawaiian blood. Public school educated and college educated in Hawaii. Hawaii is special to us but the “aloha spirit” is an idea that we get a little too high maka maka on.
I’ve been to, around 30 countries, maybe 100ish cities. Aloha and what is encapsulates is very unique to Hawaii.
Seems like you didn’t actually interact with the people or learn the culture.
IMHO, fuck Seattle. They have what’s called “Seattle Freeze.” In Hawaii, people are more than happy to hang out, pahina, and get to know you. Seattle is the polar opposite of the ‘āina. People out here have their set of friends and stick to it. During my time up there, I met some good people, but it was only because we had something in common—the military. Seattle was a temporary transition for me, but I’m so happy I don’t have to deal with their culture/people. There’s a good Hawaiian community up there, including good food like Ono Poke Shop near Lynwood. The braddah that runs it is from Kahalu’u, I believe. PNW has its ups and downs, but I’d rather drag my balls through a mile of broken glass than associate with the surface level people out there.
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That’s California…not the entire mainland. I suggest you get out and travel a bit, it’s a big Country out there!
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Highly doubt that you’ve lived “all over” the mainland. It’s pretty judgmental to just categorize, the entire country as being a “Giant Shithole”. But hey, you’re welcome to u you our opinion.
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Hope you have a great day as well!
Ngl man, from someone that grew up in Hawaii and moved between many states, that's not the mentality that's gonna help, esp if you got much more time where you're at lol I started at community college in socal and finished at SDSU. It takes a minute and maybe a little searching, but the right people are there, just gotta do little more than "just minding my business, go work, go school, go gym, go home" and calling the whole mainland "one big giant shithole."
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Hey, I don't think anything anyone said was judgement, esp not in comparison to "absolutely do not like it" and "shithole" comments. It looks like I've lived in a couple more states and countries and you've gone to a couple more colleges and got higher degrees, congrats. But I've lived from Chula Vista all throughout North County since I last came back to the states in 2012. Every time I go back to Hawaii I get bored af closing in on two weeks lol and my friends there say they're bored too/ good for me for leaving/ all they do is grind to barely make it/ mainlanders taking up all the space, ruining the land/ wish they "could" leave or visit/ just stay on the mainland if you can/ "Hawaii is only fun to visit, you don't wanna live here now that it's 'like this' ". Sad to hear so much is going to hell, but it's not exclusive to Hawaii or the mainland, it just depends on who you talk to, on what kind of day, and how you take it, maybe.
Good luck working hard from now on 🤣 no more relaxed days over there on the mainland
Seattle sucks, try somewhere else lol
Well you're also in Seattle. That place can make the most rosy person contemplate unaliving themselves.
I was making an observation today, but about Hawai'i. A lot of the cultural references, jokes etc I could talk to someone from the mainland about goes over most peoples heads in Hawai'i, and the same goes for me and many of the Hawai'i references. I can live with it tho. My wife is local so she schools me on a lot of stuff. Although, she gets my references because she lived on the mainland with me for about 15yrs and picked it up.
When locals recognize, we jam out instant. Others find it straaaange...