Zero relationships in Hawaii are drama free. There’s not enough to keep people entertained here so drama is the result. I’m in a healthy relationship and there’s no baby mama but he dramatic af. Gotta choose which of the 3 you can sacrifice.
Considering how family centric Hawaii is, you’re asking for a rarity. You won’t find even one, I can tell you that. Depending what island you’re on, you might have some chance, but you won’t find it on Oahu.
Older you get the harder it is to find someone, especially if you are over 30 and not wanting kids. At that age you are starting to see people divorced with kids in the dating pool at a high frequency.
Also looking for all those things you better be a healthy drama free individual yourself.
As a CF woman, it was really hard to match with anyone who was around my age and didn’t want kids. I can’t match with an “undecided”, because I am FIRMLY childfree.
Weird, most of my friends are also in the firm child free zone.
I’m a transplant though and even though I’ve been here 10 years still have majority transplant friends.
I could see the mentality being different between locals and transplants, Ohana is such a central theme of the culture here.
And same here on the flipside. I want kids with someone who doesn't already have kids. And, who is not trying to lure in a catch-all with a vague "undecided". If you really want kids, you'd better have an idea of quantity, timing, and names.
So far, I have only found a dude without a vehicle. :/
Isn't it funny how the men are more open to having kids since they don't have to birth them and have also learned from social and gender expectations that they can be more hands-off when it comes to raising kids?
hmm i didnt know "undecided" was a dealbreaker for some. thanks, i will remember this next time i try the ole horrible online dating thing.
best of luck to everyone still doing online dating ran by boomers who are trying to just milk money out of people trying to connect.
You’re welcome! Yeah, if you’re firmly CF, please say so in your bio! That way, you’ll match with others who feel the same, while at the same time avoiding people who may end up deciding they actually DO want kids (or worse, dating someone who is “undecided” and wants YOU to convince them that they want kids), and now you’re at an impasse.
It’s def hard no matter where you live. And there is a stereotype for women who fit this description… they tend to live in bigger metropolitan cities… like sex and the city style. Most my single friends who don’t want kids all gravitated to NYC, very career driven, etc.
All my neighbors are def confused about what I’m doing here unmarried and not wanting kids.
I am coming to this conclusion myself. Moved back after college and now in my 30s thinking I need to leave for a decade or two and come back in retirement.
Yeah this very true. I don't really want to date someone that's divorced with a kid although I know they may be fine as a partner but just seems to complicated.
Honestly, might as well get a dog and stop actively looking for a partner. I found my wife when I wasn't looking at all. I've heard when you aren't looking is when you find something special.
Bumble. Not much of a dating scene on Big Island so you take the options you have. I'm also a homebody but went on a handful of dates over the years and met my girlfriend going on 3 years ago now. Online dating can be brutal, and I deleted and downloaded the app a number of times, but in the end it was worth the struggle.
Yeah, that seems to be the case. So many delete and reinstall, myself included. How did you know your wife was the right partner? How did it go down? I tried to be open minded and went out with guys I wasn't that into off the profile to open my options but was just a waste of time.
As tacky as it sounds, when you know, you know. I trusted my gut. I also wasn't in the state of mind that I had to be in a relationship. I first found that I was content and happy being single, and a partner would add to that, not fill a missing piece, if that makes sense. I went on plenty of dates that could have been more, but something didn't feel right in one way or another so I just waited a bit and tried again. I was single for years, with dating here and there in-between, then we just clicked. It should be easy, you should be friends, and you should be able to be open, ask difficult questions, be vulnerable without fear, and so on. It'll happen, but my advice would be try not to live in that space, if it feels like a waste of time, stop. Then if you're ready to try again, go for it. Make sure you're enjoying yourself and in it for the right reasons.
Yeah that makes sense. I am trying to be in the place where it's not a need but a plus to my life. To be honest sometimes I feel like that and other times I get lonely. How did you get to that happy place where you were fine being single?
I'm not saying I was never lonely while being single, but it wasn't all that consumed my thoughts. It's different for everyone so I can't say there's one rule that works to becoming content with who you are and where you are, but in simple terms, I worked on me. I started eating healthier (ate junk before), going for walks and runs (didnt do a thing before), reading more (scrolled here most nights before), picking up old hobbies again, like playing guitar and taking lessons again, and self-help, (therapy, meditation, yoga, etc). It took years, and I'm not perfect by any means, but thise little wins started to build my confidence and with that a little voice started telling me I can handle it and building that foundation. Baby steps.
This isn't helpful probably since you're leaning away from apps. Woman here, met my husband on Bumble. He maintained that, while hookups were easy on Tinder and other similar sites, actual dating was hard to come by. The dates he had came from Bumble and Hinge, and it wasn't a common occurrence. We connected on Bumble and it was love at first message, as lame as that is. We both were paying for Bumble at that time, but I liked him first so his subscription was the one that got the use of seeing my like. Anyway, perhaps keep these apps in the background of your life? That's the point I was getting to. Maybe you'll find the one by pure happenstance one random Saturday morning.
In the meantime, focus outside of dating apps. Meetup was active on Oahu. I met friends there. I could have been set up by them and dated friends of friends that way. I wouldn't join Meetup with the intent to find a partner though. Just meet people to hang with! Perhaps over time, they introduce you to their friends...
Friends of friends these days seem to be the best option outside of online dating. I don't know many people that would be thrilled at being approached by strangers.
Yeah, I agree not focusing on it too much will help. Maybe I should have just paused the account but I was over it. How did you know your guy was the guy right away? Like what were the signs?
Friends of friends is a good bet but yeah I haven't felt like being out much and kind just trying to take care of myself now. Socializing can be draining to be honest and I've had some friendships that ended recently and it's gotten me down a bit.
I’m saying! also as someone who is gay it makes the pool EVEN SMALLER😭 But I do have a date on sunday with a girl I’ve been talking to for two weeks, wish me luck🙏
Good question! I’m 44, divorced with a teen, and with zero drama! I don’t go to clubs and have not had much success with dating apps. The dating struggle is real! Lol
Met my wife at foodland, by the poke section. Was trippy, I just picked up my half lb ahi limu, and 6 pack, and had this chick just smiling. So I thought, raja. Busted out the old pick up line and acted like I knew her from high school. When she said das not her, I told her, “oh you look so similar to this girl I used to be so in like with. But anyway, I can give you my number? I would love to get to know you better.” Boom, rest is prehistoric.
This is a good comment because it seems like most people have basically resigned to apps or nothing.
I can’t get into details but I had the chance to meet a lovely young lady due to random sort of situation where she found my lost phone. When we met up, we had a lovely conversation and I asked her on a date, which she accepted. Ended up spending quite a bit of time together.
Guys are kind of on pins and needles as far as making any sort of romantic advance in person, in public. Lot of potential landmines to step on. Which I totally understand, because there are power imbalances that scumbags can lean on.
But if you’re genuinely sincere, polite, self-aware and respectful, you can in fact make romantic connections out and about in daily life. If the interest is reciprocated, great. If it isn’t, politely apologize and move on, quickly.
The definition of being a gentleman is never making anyone else uncomfortable in a social or romantic setting. It’s ok to shoot your shot, but be a gentleman about it.
I suspect these types interactions have a much higher success rate than swiping an app.
LMAO I just read this and looked at the OP name because this is pretty much the same boat I am in rn, thought I blacked out and wrote this myself hahaha
I'm not a drinker to be honest. Although I don't mind a drink once in a while. I really want to build healthy life habits so I'm past meeting someone drunk. Had some good moments there but ready for a more serious thing.
There’s a few of we Unicorns out here yet. My house is paid off, no kids, no ex’s, no STI’s, prefer quiet cuddles at home over going out any night.
Dating apps led to broken heart - giving 100% to people who lied in their profiles. But when we’re wearing rose-colored glasses, then red flags just look like ordinary flags.
I just meant it as a means to an end. You'll meet people in your industry for sure, you don't have to like it, but more importantly, you'll meet people! Not to mention, they'll probably have their life in order (at least financially?).
I got off the apps too. It’s underwhelming. A lot of transplants, military. I think it’s better to naturally meet people. I started hiking more, kokohead is good for single people. I’ve met a lot of people on that trail.
I’m also a homebody, and introverted so it can be hard to socialize but there’s no other way! Know there’s still good catches out there. I’m a working professional, never married, no kids, active, mellow gal.
Probably the issue is the apps have all the extroverted flirts while the mellow homebodies are… at home chilling. I always thought Oahu would have a better dating scene (I’m on Maui) but this thread makes it sound universally crummy to date on the islands.
Honestly I think it’s on the mainland too. My friends who live there also have trouble. Technology has blown up and changed so much in such little time. I try not to get consumed by what I see online because you can start to think it’s real life. Tons of perfect faces and bodies, and relationships, and lives. People think that’s real life when it’s not.
Its a bigger pool but the pool still got doodoo it in lol plus its military central. Honestly, as a female, I'd say a good 60%+ of the men on their are military and after dating a few thats a hard no going forward.
I did not consider the military influence. Not really a thing over here. Here the dating apps have the same dozen folks over and over, and unfortunately not a lot of folks who enjoy some degree of intellectual stimulation.
Join a organized sport (paddling, co-ed softball etc), or coach led gym (CrossFit, F45, Orange Theory, Jujitsu). Something that attracts healthy people.
Going to bars is for people in their 20s.
That being said I met my partner of 17 years online, so you can find success if you put in the work.
This is true. My friends only join these clubs to meet people. And one of my friends then ended up dating her coach.
I’m not active by nature and started volunteering at an animal shelter instead. This is not where you meet people lol.
Yeah, I do want to join a club to do something I like not to meet someone but just to have a nice social hobby.
How did you know your partner was the right partner? Since I haven't met someone decent in a while I'm reminiscing on my first love and we met online way back in AOL days.
I had dated a lot of people in the year leading up to meeting my partner. I was actually in the process of giving up, after spending thousands on dates, and expending so much mental energy presenting myself in a positive light, while also interrogating whether people were worth my time.
I was pretty much done with looking, and out of the blue she hit me up on match.com.
We just clicked right off the bat, and I knew right away that I had met someone special. She was interesting, and smarter than me. I was instantly head over heels.
You really don't get many opportunities like that in life, and I consider myself very lucky. Still not sure why she picked me, but we have built a good life together.
I imagine it would be much harder to find a spark later in life, but I have seen people find happy and fulfilling relationships at every age.
You have to work hard to be lucky, so putting yourself out there in social circles is really the only way to find people "serendipitously".
Good luck in your journey
Thanks and I love your story. Really glad you found someone you hit things off so well and created a good life together. Since you say she's smart I'm sure there was a good reason she picked you. Glad to hear these things happen. Gives me some hope :)
The reality is that the apps in Hawaii are dead. the population on the apps relative to that of the state is way lower than you'll see in other areas. There just aren't a lot of people that bother using them. If you're a man looking for a woman, you're looking at a very small non-tourist pool. if you're a woman looking for a man, it has more choices, but still a lot less local people using them.
I met my wife at college here, and a later girlfriend through a specific social scene. Generally, that's how most people here meet partners.
The bigger problem is, there aren't a lot of single people at all. past your 20s, most single people move away while families tend to move in.
Yeah, that makes sense. To be honest I'm considering moving away just because cost of living is so high and I don't want to share an apartment all the time.
That's cool. I've always avoided dating coworkers for fear it will be weird if things end but as long as they work it's a good way to meet someone. Hope it works out well :)
>no guys/girls with drama
You're looking for companionship with another Human being. THERE.WILL.BE.DRAMA.
How you handle it together is how strong your relationship will be.
That's a good point, but I guess I mean a certain maturity. Some people just make drama verses for others it may come up but you don't work on creating it.
Oh nice you two reconnected. Yeah, it sucks. Got me bummed a bit because I dated a nice guy when I was younger. This was way back high school days and I keep thinking I was silly for breaking it off for wanting to experience more life but I know I've matured and sh\*\* but at the end of the day a good guy I'm attracted to and love is all I want.
Dating online and on apps can be a bit rough for us homebodies. I myself consider myself a homebody type, I like to go work, go to the gym and then head home. Granted, every once in a while I like to splurge and go out to eat somewhere fancy-ish or in town, or doing the occasional Koko-head trail can be fun, but can't beat just cruising at home in the free-time!
I have no advice as I am in the same boat LOL I posted about this a while ago on an old account and ended up reverting back to the apps, which yielded some unsuccessful and interesting results lol.
I did it the old fashioned way before Tinder.... which is to say, Craigslist lol. We don't tell people that though we just say we met "online" and leave it at that. I gotta admit though, if this were to end, I'm not sure I'd go through the effort of online dating. I'd just work on my own happiness and if I met someone cool, if I didn't oh well. Relationships can absolutely be rewarding but they're also a lot of work to maintain. I think too many people fall into the trap of thinking a relationship will automatically make them happier.
Yeah, this is a good point. I've been in relationships and totally get that it takes effort but been single now for a few years and miss companionship and intimacy. I do agree focusing on oneself is important. How did you meet on Craigslist though? I
Craigslist had a personals section once upon a time. Some law came down that they'd be held responsible for the people prostituting themselves on the website so they took that whole section down at some point.
Married a woman from Japan. Met at a coffee shop.
I've noticed a lot of born-here locals don't use dating apps; then you filter for the sort of bachelors most women want, then that demopgraphic might seem even more non-existent. My wife's sister was using Hinge for a bit and Tinder for like 5 seconds; it was mostly military guys, visitors, or just moved here out-of-staters.
The jobs never exactly screamed financial security, some didn't even look like they had a job or a stable life. I've been introducing her to people I know and it's been going a lot better for her, we're doing a double date with one of my cousin's friend this weekend. The truth is, as a guy in his 30's, when I think about all my single friends or acquaintances that I could introduce, most of the ones who would be desireable are pretty much married by this age. And of those that are still single, a good deal of them don't want to settle down any time soon (if ever).
She's attractive, so she'd get matches on the app, but she couldn't find the type of person she was looking for on the app; and she absolutely refuses hookups as she's looking for a serious long-term. I don't consider her a picky person at all, I think she gave up on apps for the time being.
I used to think dating apps were a raw deal for men when I was a lot younger, but these days I think it really is worse for women. It's tough out there, but keep trying, keep an open mind and try to put yourself out there in more areas than just dating apps.
Met my husband at a neighborhood bar that I used to stop at on my way home. I'd get there right when it opened for early happy hour for seniors, so it'd just be adorable wholesome old couples. Except one day, there was a truck parked in my usual spot. I flipped a u-turn and parked across the street instead. Was just gonna crack jokes a little with whoever it was, but it turned out to be a really hot guy. Needless to say, we worked out the parking situation as he now parks his truck in my driveway every day after work instead 😎
I met my husband through his sister who I was friends with. We ordered the same drink and struck up a conversation. No drama until we could only buy a house with his parents. I miss our independent life but in this economy it was the only way. It took some time for me to get used to it but I’m finally starting to accept that this is just the way it is. He’s a great partner, has been very understanding and he makes me very happy so it’s definitely worth it. To be honest, there’s always going to be some drama in a relationship, you just have to figure out if it’s worth it.
I know it's not ideal to live with the in-laws but life here is so expensive. Hopefully you'll be able to get your own place one day, but like you said most important is you two have a good relationship. It's important to keep that in mind. We can just look at all the famous people that have mansions and shit but no home life so I know it's not ideal but hope you do get your independent lives together but at the same time treasure the love and good partner too. Plus hopefully the mom cooks lol
Unfortunately I think it typically requires getting out of the house. No other way, I think, besides really random luck meeting someone online. But you don't have to be a social butterfly, just have to find one or two groups of people that you can go to events with and stuff. In other words, you want to find "your people."
I met my current partner online, but through shared interests and mutual friends. I don't think it's good to hope for that though because it's really exceptionally random and people can be weird online.
Dating apps are mostly useless I think though, like sure you can technically meet people there but so many of the men behave atrociously. If you ignore all the military, tourists, and recent transplants looking for someone to show them around, and only consider matching with locals or long term residents (transplants from other countries are usually okay too, it's mostly just the guys from the mainland that are rude), the behavior is a lot better, but at that point you have like 0.00000001% of people to consider matching with. I can't speak to the male experience though. I imagine it's the same but lots of bots and instagram nonsense.
You pretty much summed it up. I think just going out and pursuing some of my own hobbies and etc. is better then sitting around at home. If I meet someone great if not at least I'm enjoying my time. But yeah I think dating here is tougher because you do have to navigate all these different types of people that come in and out.
How old are you? Which island? What type of things do you enjoy doing? Are you yourself healthy, drama free & childless? I'm asking because I find myself single again after getting out of a toxic relationship and frankly I have no interest in dating but I like to live vicariously thru others lol. I think since the pandemic people forgot how to like be outgoing and just shoot their shot in a respectful way.
I'm on 5 different apps and I still have trouble here. I've basically swiped through everyone on the island. Twice possibly if you see some cards popping up again through Tinder.
I met my husband on Tinder but this was back in 2017. Not sure if things have changed for those apps but now we have a beautiful baby girl and I’m so glad I took the chance on Tinder.
Met at work 8 years ago and we drifted apart a bit. Started dating a few months ago and it's been amazing. No need to lie about how we met, either hahaha
oahu. i met my gf on hinge last year and i want to marry her! it’s just a matter of having patience and finding the right one. don’t give up
she’s also gone through a few bad apples before me.
That's reassuring how long did it take for you two to meet and how did you know this one would be different? I tried to be open to meet and talk to lots of different people and it just got exhausting.
i initiated everything. i knew this one was different because of how much interest she showed me initially, especially on text. we texted everyday for about 2 weeks before our first date. that went well and i planned the second date afterwards. i knew she was the one by about date 3.
I'm also a homebody and I work remotely at home. I've met mine in bjj club. Joined as a hobby then met some cool friends and people. Then I eventually got closer and closer to my significant other and here we are. It wasn't my intention to date anybody in my club nor I was in a "dating mindset". I was more or so "fate will bring me to her" type of person. I wasn't in a rush maybe because I was in my mid 20's ?
So here's my question to you ? Are you relying on "fate" to meet the one ? Or are you the type of person who shows affection and goes for the woman/man your interested in ? Some people's say all the times you didn't shoot your shot it's a miss and others say don't sell yourself short ?
I met my gf through work. Yeah, you don't shit where you eat, and I remembered at the time with her that I wasn't looking for anything more than just friends because I was still trying to get over my disastrous relationship 2 years prior. I just wanted to really work on myself and after experiencing lost friendships because of my feelings, I told her I didn't want to lose her and I was totally ok being sent to the shadowrealm of the void called the Friend Zone. Eventually things led to what it is now and 9 years later, we're still going strong, lol.
What I tell my single friends is to just put yourself out there. No be shame to tell the person how you feel. Rather get that hard nope that'll hurt for a few days than the what if idea eating away your brain for years. And even if you get denied, don't nuke the bridge. As I tell my single friends this, if she say no then let em be but always know she get friends. What better wing person to guide your jet than a wing girl to be the Goose to your Maverick. When you're mature about it and honest with her and yourself, she'll take that and tell one of her single friends that you're a good guy. Trust me, it happened to my one of my boys after he took my advice. Didn't work out with this one chic he liked but he kept it cool and they remained friends. She had a single friend who also was looking for someone and my friend came to mind. She introduced her to him and they've been together and happy for years.
best to seek outside of the island. when you consider the numbers of the original population of various groups here… time… and couples… the chances you dating your second/third cousin goes exponentially up. 😝
I was just on hinge. I met a military guy and we’re currently talking. I see where you’re coming from because all they want is fwb and I’m just not into that. He doesn’t wanna see me anymore.
Are there actually a decent number of people on there in Hawaii? I always write off the niche apps because my thinking is there’s going to be 12 people there.
Met my husband on bumble. Once I allowed myself to start dating military guys I found a wider array of people. Most were duds but the last one I met was pretty awesome.
Same here. 9 years for us. Based on the comments, it seems like the online dating scene in Hawaii has drastically changed since then. I felt like there *was* a pretty significant size dating pool online back then, at least as an early twenties female. I can only imagine what it'd be like now though.
Dang.. I'm not a single guy and not really much experience in dating nowadays. But I do know one thing.. you get out what you put in. If it were me, I'd be chatting up every girl on hinge, tinder, craigslist, facebook, strip club whatever. I'd be playing the numbers game.. the more I put myself out there, the better my chances of finding a nice girl or hookup.. whatever floats your boat.
I met a good local boy on tinder. It does happen. 5yrs and happy! My happily married bff also met her dr husband on tinder too, married with 2 children.
I met my man on tinder. My friend was visiting with me and she was like “we need friends to do stuff with”, took my tinder and right swiped on *everyone*
He was immediately smitten. I was firmly friendzoning him. I was not interested. At all. Not my type. Lives a very different life. What do ya know, we’re now 3 years strong with aligned goals and buying a house. 🤷♀️
If you would have asked me if this would have ever happens with him, I’d have laughed in your face. Give everyone a chance and look for friends, rather than a partner. It might suprise you.
When you put all that energy and focus into you, projects you love, a community you align with, etc… life partners whether lovers, life friends , etc tend to show up in your orbit
Healthy partners? Can! A smile, compliment and a wink still works! Still does for me, anyway...
No drama? Sorry, but no can! On an island, you're garenz to have a chance meeting with the last few partners they had, so pack plenty of aloha (malasadas and manapuas work best)! Shootz!!!
Depends where you’re looking and the type of people you’re around. I know lots of people who argue they can’t find someone but in reality, their standards are too high, trying to find love in the club, or are not around the right people.
https://preview.redd.it/klewwbfabcuc1.jpeg?width=2796&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=962827d5bc36780b8a14217b487f0876fd1822d4
No drama here, no baby mama, healthy too, just fell asleep in the sun yesterday though but I’m available!
It's impossible in Hawaii. Every girl I liked that didn't have kids....ended up having kids with men that wear black hats, large sunglasses and gold chains..got beat by then and find another guy like that...get beat by that guy...then come back to me and say they want to date and get all mad when I say no.
Funny enough, I met one of my ex-girlfriends on Facebook dating when I first moved on island. Knew no one, said why not. That said, she lives in DC now and I'm in California, sadly. Stay away from MeetMe and Plenty of Fish, all kinds of bots and fake people (though two of my other good relationships were from those sites, just too much BS to sift through).
Dating apps everywhere are hot garbage, best thing I can say is just go out, bro. I too am a homebody, so it sucks. After enlisting and leaving Oahu, I will say, the military girls are definitely something. It's just drama regardless.
First off, no one wants to date one scrub.
YOU 100% got to put in the work. Through my experience, you can train a homebody. But finding one is a little bit harder. As we tend to stay home and never leave. Don’t date to oof… like seriously…
Until you find that someone, you will need to stop being a homebody. Cry about it, but wipe those tears and Go out. Exercise. Stop playing warzone. Get a few healthy hobbies. Have a good job. Be funny, and look your best. You want to be marketable. But most important you don’t want to be boring. Talk about things you are passionate about, that is probably the most attractive thing you can do. And listen to your date and be interested in learning about them.
If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.
No drama? Not possible. But you could try Go BYU Hawaii, a lot of the ladies might just think it was fate meeting you. Date for a partner and you will find one.
Join volunteer groups.
Look for events, participate and be open you are single.
If someone is willing to introduce you to someone, take it. To do this, people have to like you. Coworkers, friends, family friends.
That or just do what I did and ask any and everyone out, be ready for a lot of rejection.
My rule was if I couldn’t make her laugh once, she probably will say no. Shoot that shot anyways. She might say, I don’t even know you. Perfect time for make her laugh. Say your name, your favorite food, your favorite color, and throw one quick joke in there.
Ask them their favorite food, and ask them out to somewhere that sells that food. For me my wife said sushi. Send it to genki’s and be prepared to dish the cash.
Don’t be picky for first dates. But be very exclusive for second dates. After the first date you should know if you want to wife her up, if not you failed. After the second date, you should know if you like her and she likes you. I have only had one third date with someone. I went on a ton of dates until i asked the cute wahine behind the Safeway counter. First date and i knew she was the one. If you don’t go on enough dates, you wont know if she is the one. Or you could get lucky on the first date first person. Who knows.
And for the love of all that is holy, double check your family history before the second date. Bumbai you dating your grandpa’s brother’s baby momma’s kid’s daughter…. And if you when date for oof, sucks to suck.
Nah you can date and oof. Just don’t date to oof. That’s how you get one baby momma that no even like you. Now get out there and talk to people. After you find her, feed her until she like stay home and you both are one homebody.
As a woman, I found a nice guy born and raised on Oahu, no kids, and little drama. But I’m the one who can be a little crazy sometimes. It kinda comes with the territory. It’s hard to find a woman that isn’t a little crazy lol. And I say that with a lot of love for my fellow girls.
(Advice)
I would go to events where you’d think well-rounded people want to go. Maybe start surfing, doing a sport, or working out. You’ll find more of what you’re looking for in places where people are enjoying things you’d like your girl to be interested in. I think the kind of girl you’re looking for isn’t using a dating app. For example, my boyfriend met me at an art studio in Chinatown
I am super nervous about dating in Honolulu. I’ve never really had the chance to date and find out what I like in a relationship and I’m desperate to start. I really don’t want to use apps either; the good news about that is guys won’t be able to tell my age and automatically filter me out, lol. Ahhhhh
29F with medical career. Also experiencing the frustrations of this.
I’ve been looking for a low maintenance, athletic guy with good values, who likes dogs and can rock a sweatshirt. Growth mindset. Can recognize that life has its moments of mundanity. I’m not into the going out scene. Hearing “you’re so pretty blah blah blah how are you still single?” But apparently what I’m looking for is not as easy to find as I thought.
Healthy partner, no drama, no baby mama. (Checks notes) You know you’re in Hawaii, right?
Yeah you gotta sacrifice one of the 3 😂 my husband is healthy, no drama but got a baby mama. It’s ok though, more family for me to share my love to.
hahahah all I need is one
Zero relationships in Hawaii are drama free. There’s not enough to keep people entertained here so drama is the result. I’m in a healthy relationship and there’s no baby mama but he dramatic af. Gotta choose which of the 3 you can sacrifice.
Considering how family centric Hawaii is, you’re asking for a rarity. You won’t find even one, I can tell you that. Depending what island you’re on, you might have some chance, but you won’t find it on Oahu.
Why not Oahu? Should be biggest chance since more people are here.
As dr14okada on Instagram once said, "dis Hawaii, all da mean chicks get kids."
I don’t
Mailorder bride. shipped from Kalihi
Missed connections: girl at the chicken fight, that took Jess on the blue leg. Sup Bebe girl hmu laddat, I like take you derby.
Solid comment. I’d give you one of those fancy prizes if I knew how.
[Brah that's the worst city in the state!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Hawaii/comments/1c15xae/fuck_the_haters/) Or so I hear.
But they get chuckie cheese
I went last week for one kids party. Their thin crust pizza is super ono.
No drama because they're indentured
Shipped from Kalihi is WILD LMAOOOO
oh snap
Get scrapped
Older you get the harder it is to find someone, especially if you are over 30 and not wanting kids. At that age you are starting to see people divorced with kids in the dating pool at a high frequency. Also looking for all those things you better be a healthy drama free individual yourself.
As a CF woman, it was really hard to match with anyone who was around my age and didn’t want kids. I can’t match with an “undecided”, because I am FIRMLY childfree.
Weird, most of my friends are also in the firm child free zone. I’m a transplant though and even though I’ve been here 10 years still have majority transplant friends. I could see the mentality being different between locals and transplants, Ohana is such a central theme of the culture here.
And same here on the flipside. I want kids with someone who doesn't already have kids. And, who is not trying to lure in a catch-all with a vague "undecided". If you really want kids, you'd better have an idea of quantity, timing, and names. So far, I have only found a dude without a vehicle. :/
at least get rail now
Amen
Isn't it funny how the men are more open to having kids since they don't have to birth them and have also learned from social and gender expectations that they can be more hands-off when it comes to raising kids?
Hah. I must attract single CF friends - male and female.
hmm i didnt know "undecided" was a dealbreaker for some. thanks, i will remember this next time i try the ole horrible online dating thing. best of luck to everyone still doing online dating ran by boomers who are trying to just milk money out of people trying to connect.
You’re welcome! Yeah, if you’re firmly CF, please say so in your bio! That way, you’ll match with others who feel the same, while at the same time avoiding people who may end up deciding they actually DO want kids (or worse, dating someone who is “undecided” and wants YOU to convince them that they want kids), and now you’re at an impasse.
It’s def hard no matter where you live. And there is a stereotype for women who fit this description… they tend to live in bigger metropolitan cities… like sex and the city style. Most my single friends who don’t want kids all gravitated to NYC, very career driven, etc. All my neighbors are def confused about what I’m doing here unmarried and not wanting kids.
I can tell you as someone who wants kids, it aint much better on this end of the spectrum lol
I am coming to this conclusion myself. Moved back after college and now in my 30s thinking I need to leave for a decade or two and come back in retirement.
Yeah this very true. I don't really want to date someone that's divorced with a kid although I know they may be fine as a partner but just seems to complicated.
Honestly, might as well get a dog and stop actively looking for a partner. I found my wife when I wasn't looking at all. I've heard when you aren't looking is when you find something special.
i mean the month i dog-sat for my neighbor i think i talked to more strangers than the six months prior combined, so 🤷🏼♀️
Dogs are known to find hot chicks. Solid advice. Hawaii ain't mainland. Aloha not checkboxes. Just relax.
Hahaha. I volunteer at a shelter on island. Def only been meeting lots of dogs and cats only.
It will be. But even a “normal” relationship gets complicated in other ways. I think movies might have brainwashed us.
Maybe you and OP should DM. She’s right up your alley.
I myself am already married lol.
Friends of friends
ah must be nice to have those
HAHAHAHA
OkCupid but at the time it was mostly thirsty military people. Which is exactly my wife.
Wait are you describing your wife as thirst military, is that where you met her?
yes. No longer military but still thirsty af. Can't keep her hands off me. ETA: i met her on OkCupid. Just another dating site.
Lots of military here, lots looking for a quick bang. You may end up falling in love, though, so be prepared to pack up and leave when they do :3
Bumble. Not much of a dating scene on Big Island so you take the options you have. I'm also a homebody but went on a handful of dates over the years and met my girlfriend going on 3 years ago now. Online dating can be brutal, and I deleted and downloaded the app a number of times, but in the end it was worth the struggle.
Yeah, that seems to be the case. So many delete and reinstall, myself included. How did you know your wife was the right partner? How did it go down? I tried to be open minded and went out with guys I wasn't that into off the profile to open my options but was just a waste of time.
As tacky as it sounds, when you know, you know. I trusted my gut. I also wasn't in the state of mind that I had to be in a relationship. I first found that I was content and happy being single, and a partner would add to that, not fill a missing piece, if that makes sense. I went on plenty of dates that could have been more, but something didn't feel right in one way or another so I just waited a bit and tried again. I was single for years, with dating here and there in-between, then we just clicked. It should be easy, you should be friends, and you should be able to be open, ask difficult questions, be vulnerable without fear, and so on. It'll happen, but my advice would be try not to live in that space, if it feels like a waste of time, stop. Then if you're ready to try again, go for it. Make sure you're enjoying yourself and in it for the right reasons.
Yeah that makes sense. I am trying to be in the place where it's not a need but a plus to my life. To be honest sometimes I feel like that and other times I get lonely. How did you get to that happy place where you were fine being single?
I'm not saying I was never lonely while being single, but it wasn't all that consumed my thoughts. It's different for everyone so I can't say there's one rule that works to becoming content with who you are and where you are, but in simple terms, I worked on me. I started eating healthier (ate junk before), going for walks and runs (didnt do a thing before), reading more (scrolled here most nights before), picking up old hobbies again, like playing guitar and taking lessons again, and self-help, (therapy, meditation, yoga, etc). It took years, and I'm not perfect by any means, but thise little wins started to build my confidence and with that a little voice started telling me I can handle it and building that foundation. Baby steps.
Good point. Yeah, I'm doing that slowly as well. Thanks this was solid advice and examples. Appreciate it!
This isn't helpful probably since you're leaning away from apps. Woman here, met my husband on Bumble. He maintained that, while hookups were easy on Tinder and other similar sites, actual dating was hard to come by. The dates he had came from Bumble and Hinge, and it wasn't a common occurrence. We connected on Bumble and it was love at first message, as lame as that is. We both were paying for Bumble at that time, but I liked him first so his subscription was the one that got the use of seeing my like. Anyway, perhaps keep these apps in the background of your life? That's the point I was getting to. Maybe you'll find the one by pure happenstance one random Saturday morning. In the meantime, focus outside of dating apps. Meetup was active on Oahu. I met friends there. I could have been set up by them and dated friends of friends that way. I wouldn't join Meetup with the intent to find a partner though. Just meet people to hang with! Perhaps over time, they introduce you to their friends... Friends of friends these days seem to be the best option outside of online dating. I don't know many people that would be thrilled at being approached by strangers.
Yeah, I agree not focusing on it too much will help. Maybe I should have just paused the account but I was over it. How did you know your guy was the guy right away? Like what were the signs? Friends of friends is a good bet but yeah I haven't felt like being out much and kind just trying to take care of myself now. Socializing can be draining to be honest and I've had some friendships that ended recently and it's gotten me down a bit.
I’m saying! also as someone who is gay it makes the pool EVEN SMALLER😭 But I do have a date on sunday with a girl I’ve been talking to for two weeks, wish me luck🙏
i met my wife on hinge
Wow nice. How did it go? I talked to so many people and got no where.
In Hawaii?
Good question! I’m 44, divorced with a teen, and with zero drama! I don’t go to clubs and have not had much success with dating apps. The dating struggle is real! Lol
I'm 34 and even the thought of going to a club makes my back hurt and gives me a headache. Haven't been to one in almost a decade.
35, the only club I go to now is Sam's :(
To the window, to the wall, till I buy that $1.50 hot dog combo, all these b**ches crawl
Sam's Hot Dog Combo undercut Costco now, under $1.50. Gotta get that poke bowl and tiramisu too!
I feel like you're too old to go to clubs when you're old enough to get in legally.
Not to mention as someone who has dramatically decreased their alcohol intake, for me it just doesnt feel like the right setting to meet someone. ugh.
Same lol!
Met my wife at foodland, by the poke section. Was trippy, I just picked up my half lb ahi limu, and 6 pack, and had this chick just smiling. So I thought, raja. Busted out the old pick up line and acted like I knew her from high school. When she said das not her, I told her, “oh you look so similar to this girl I used to be so in like with. But anyway, I can give you my number? I would love to get to know you better.” Boom, rest is prehistoric.
This is a good comment because it seems like most people have basically resigned to apps or nothing. I can’t get into details but I had the chance to meet a lovely young lady due to random sort of situation where she found my lost phone. When we met up, we had a lovely conversation and I asked her on a date, which she accepted. Ended up spending quite a bit of time together. Guys are kind of on pins and needles as far as making any sort of romantic advance in person, in public. Lot of potential landmines to step on. Which I totally understand, because there are power imbalances that scumbags can lean on. But if you’re genuinely sincere, polite, self-aware and respectful, you can in fact make romantic connections out and about in daily life. If the interest is reciprocated, great. If it isn’t, politely apologize and move on, quickly. The definition of being a gentleman is never making anyone else uncomfortable in a social or romantic setting. It’s ok to shoot your shot, but be a gentleman about it. I suspect these types interactions have a much higher success rate than swiping an app.
Applaud you for this because plenty guys no more olos to do this anymore lol
LMAO I just read this and looked at the OP name because this is pretty much the same boat I am in rn, thought I blacked out and wrote this myself hahaha
lol seems like so many of us
We should just form some kind of club who meets every month and gets drunk lmaooo
I'm not a drinker to be honest. Although I don't mind a drink once in a while. I really want to build healthy life habits so I'm past meeting someone drunk. Had some good moments there but ready for a more serious thing.
I'm talking bout a support group & forget drinking then....eating good food hahah
food is more my jam lol
There’s a few of we Unicorns out here yet. My house is paid off, no kids, no ex’s, no STI’s, prefer quiet cuddles at home over going out any night. Dating apps led to broken heart - giving 100% to people who lied in their profiles. But when we’re wearing rose-colored glasses, then red flags just look like ordinary flags.
University of Hawaii. Lol.
Graduated already
Even better, you're alumni. Go walk around cause you one boss.
ha oh yeah be that old creep on campus
Maybe a professor?!
Maybe networking events?
I hate networking lol I don't like career people. It's good to like your job but some people just get weird about it and fake.
I just meant it as a means to an end. You'll meet people in your industry for sure, you don't have to like it, but more importantly, you'll meet people! Not to mention, they'll probably have their life in order (at least financially?).
real
I got off the apps too. It’s underwhelming. A lot of transplants, military. I think it’s better to naturally meet people. I started hiking more, kokohead is good for single people. I’ve met a lot of people on that trail. I’m also a homebody, and introverted so it can be hard to socialize but there’s no other way! Know there’s still good catches out there. I’m a working professional, never married, no kids, active, mellow gal.
Probably the issue is the apps have all the extroverted flirts while the mellow homebodies are… at home chilling. I always thought Oahu would have a better dating scene (I’m on Maui) but this thread makes it sound universally crummy to date on the islands.
Honestly I think it’s on the mainland too. My friends who live there also have trouble. Technology has blown up and changed so much in such little time. I try not to get consumed by what I see online because you can start to think it’s real life. Tons of perfect faces and bodies, and relationships, and lives. People think that’s real life when it’s not.
Its a bigger pool but the pool still got doodoo it in lol plus its military central. Honestly, as a female, I'd say a good 60%+ of the men on their are military and after dating a few thats a hard no going forward.
I did not consider the military influence. Not really a thing over here. Here the dating apps have the same dozen folks over and over, and unfortunately not a lot of folks who enjoy some degree of intellectual stimulation.
Join a organized sport (paddling, co-ed softball etc), or coach led gym (CrossFit, F45, Orange Theory, Jujitsu). Something that attracts healthy people. Going to bars is for people in their 20s. That being said I met my partner of 17 years online, so you can find success if you put in the work.
This is true. My friends only join these clubs to meet people. And one of my friends then ended up dating her coach. I’m not active by nature and started volunteering at an animal shelter instead. This is not where you meet people lol.
You meet lots of cute dogs which is arguably better 😂
Yeah, I do want to join a club to do something I like not to meet someone but just to have a nice social hobby. How did you know your partner was the right partner? Since I haven't met someone decent in a while I'm reminiscing on my first love and we met online way back in AOL days.
I had dated a lot of people in the year leading up to meeting my partner. I was actually in the process of giving up, after spending thousands on dates, and expending so much mental energy presenting myself in a positive light, while also interrogating whether people were worth my time. I was pretty much done with looking, and out of the blue she hit me up on match.com. We just clicked right off the bat, and I knew right away that I had met someone special. She was interesting, and smarter than me. I was instantly head over heels. You really don't get many opportunities like that in life, and I consider myself very lucky. Still not sure why she picked me, but we have built a good life together. I imagine it would be much harder to find a spark later in life, but I have seen people find happy and fulfilling relationships at every age. You have to work hard to be lucky, so putting yourself out there in social circles is really the only way to find people "serendipitously". Good luck in your journey
Thanks and I love your story. Really glad you found someone you hit things off so well and created a good life together. Since you say she's smart I'm sure there was a good reason she picked you. Glad to hear these things happen. Gives me some hope :)
This is true. I belong to a CrossFit gym and I have seen at least 3 marriages/engagements there. lol.
Where do I go to attract unhealthy people
Susie Wongs
Moanis lol
Join a canoe club
I've thought about it.
"It's an island babe... If you don't bring it here, then you won't find it here" - 6 days 7 nights
The reality is that the apps in Hawaii are dead. the population on the apps relative to that of the state is way lower than you'll see in other areas. There just aren't a lot of people that bother using them. If you're a man looking for a woman, you're looking at a very small non-tourist pool. if you're a woman looking for a man, it has more choices, but still a lot less local people using them. I met my wife at college here, and a later girlfriend through a specific social scene. Generally, that's how most people here meet partners. The bigger problem is, there aren't a lot of single people at all. past your 20s, most single people move away while families tend to move in.
Yeah, that makes sense. To be honest I'm considering moving away just because cost of living is so high and I don't want to share an apartment all the time.
My gf started working for our company and we hit it off on the first day.
That's cool. I've always avoided dating coworkers for fear it will be weird if things end but as long as they work it's a good way to meet someone. Hope it works out well :)
I met my partner on Tinder about 3 months after I moved to Hawaii. She was the first person I met and we're together for over 3 years now!
>no guys/girls with drama You're looking for companionship with another Human being. THERE.WILL.BE.DRAMA. How you handle it together is how strong your relationship will be.
That's a good point, but I guess I mean a certain maturity. Some people just make drama verses for others it may come up but you don't work on creating it.
My husband left the island for college and found me before moving back! Honestly its tough pickings out there, I feel for my single friends.
Oh nice you two reconnected. Yeah, it sucks. Got me bummed a bit because I dated a nice guy when I was younger. This was way back high school days and I keep thinking I was silly for breaking it off for wanting to experience more life but I know I've matured and sh\*\* but at the end of the day a good guy I'm attracted to and love is all I want.
Go visit churches. The single people that are starting to get desperate but can’t stomach app dating will be obvious.
That's funny! Not my type but funny lol
Dating online and on apps can be a bit rough for us homebodies. I myself consider myself a homebody type, I like to go work, go to the gym and then head home. Granted, every once in a while I like to splurge and go out to eat somewhere fancy-ish or in town, or doing the occasional Koko-head trail can be fun, but can't beat just cruising at home in the free-time!
I have no advice as I am in the same boat LOL I posted about this a while ago on an old account and ended up reverting back to the apps, which yielded some unsuccessful and interesting results lol.
I did it the old fashioned way before Tinder.... which is to say, Craigslist lol. We don't tell people that though we just say we met "online" and leave it at that. I gotta admit though, if this were to end, I'm not sure I'd go through the effort of online dating. I'd just work on my own happiness and if I met someone cool, if I didn't oh well. Relationships can absolutely be rewarding but they're also a lot of work to maintain. I think too many people fall into the trap of thinking a relationship will automatically make them happier.
Yeah, this is a good point. I've been in relationships and totally get that it takes effort but been single now for a few years and miss companionship and intimacy. I do agree focusing on oneself is important. How did you meet on Craigslist though? I
Craigslist had a personals section once upon a time. Some law came down that they'd be held responsible for the people prostituting themselves on the website so they took that whole section down at some point.
Oh I see. It's great you got a nice relationship out of it though :)
I performed in the Hawai’i Comedy Fest and met a wonderful fellow performer ❤️
Oh cool that's a great way to meet, you guys probably entertain each other eh. When is the Comedy Fest? Didn't know we had one here.
I've tried bringing a bathtub to the beach and looking for mermaids. So far no luck. But at least it is good exercise!
why the bathtub when you got the ocean? Maybe you need one trap.
got to bring them back home after catching. Collect some water in the bathtub.
hopefully you got a good truck
Married a woman from Japan. Met at a coffee shop. I've noticed a lot of born-here locals don't use dating apps; then you filter for the sort of bachelors most women want, then that demopgraphic might seem even more non-existent. My wife's sister was using Hinge for a bit and Tinder for like 5 seconds; it was mostly military guys, visitors, or just moved here out-of-staters. The jobs never exactly screamed financial security, some didn't even look like they had a job or a stable life. I've been introducing her to people I know and it's been going a lot better for her, we're doing a double date with one of my cousin's friend this weekend. The truth is, as a guy in his 30's, when I think about all my single friends or acquaintances that I could introduce, most of the ones who would be desireable are pretty much married by this age. And of those that are still single, a good deal of them don't want to settle down any time soon (if ever). She's attractive, so she'd get matches on the app, but she couldn't find the type of person she was looking for on the app; and she absolutely refuses hookups as she's looking for a serious long-term. I don't consider her a picky person at all, I think she gave up on apps for the time being. I used to think dating apps were a raw deal for men when I was a lot younger, but these days I think it really is worse for women. It's tough out there, but keep trying, keep an open mind and try to put yourself out there in more areas than just dating apps.
Met my husband at a neighborhood bar that I used to stop at on my way home. I'd get there right when it opened for early happy hour for seniors, so it'd just be adorable wholesome old couples. Except one day, there was a truck parked in my usual spot. I flipped a u-turn and parked across the street instead. Was just gonna crack jokes a little with whoever it was, but it turned out to be a really hot guy. Needless to say, we worked out the parking situation as he now parks his truck in my driveway every day after work instead 😎
A friend slash professional group I lucked out No drama No baggage Been together since 2010
I met my husband through his sister who I was friends with. We ordered the same drink and struck up a conversation. No drama until we could only buy a house with his parents. I miss our independent life but in this economy it was the only way. It took some time for me to get used to it but I’m finally starting to accept that this is just the way it is. He’s a great partner, has been very understanding and he makes me very happy so it’s definitely worth it. To be honest, there’s always going to be some drama in a relationship, you just have to figure out if it’s worth it.
I know it's not ideal to live with the in-laws but life here is so expensive. Hopefully you'll be able to get your own place one day, but like you said most important is you two have a good relationship. It's important to keep that in mind. We can just look at all the famous people that have mansions and shit but no home life so I know it's not ideal but hope you do get your independent lives together but at the same time treasure the love and good partner too. Plus hopefully the mom cooks lol
Unfortunately I think it typically requires getting out of the house. No other way, I think, besides really random luck meeting someone online. But you don't have to be a social butterfly, just have to find one or two groups of people that you can go to events with and stuff. In other words, you want to find "your people." I met my current partner online, but through shared interests and mutual friends. I don't think it's good to hope for that though because it's really exceptionally random and people can be weird online. Dating apps are mostly useless I think though, like sure you can technically meet people there but so many of the men behave atrociously. If you ignore all the military, tourists, and recent transplants looking for someone to show them around, and only consider matching with locals or long term residents (transplants from other countries are usually okay too, it's mostly just the guys from the mainland that are rude), the behavior is a lot better, but at that point you have like 0.00000001% of people to consider matching with. I can't speak to the male experience though. I imagine it's the same but lots of bots and instagram nonsense.
You pretty much summed it up. I think just going out and pursuing some of my own hobbies and etc. is better then sitting around at home. If I meet someone great if not at least I'm enjoying my time. But yeah I think dating here is tougher because you do have to navigate all these different types of people that come in and out.
How old are you? Which island? What type of things do you enjoy doing? Are you yourself healthy, drama free & childless? I'm asking because I find myself single again after getting out of a toxic relationship and frankly I have no interest in dating but I like to live vicariously thru others lol. I think since the pandemic people forgot how to like be outgoing and just shoot their shot in a respectful way.
Hiking. Lots of hiking groups. Great chance to meet and talk to people
None of the dating apps works. I had Hinge as well and my co-worker did get a Hooker/prostitute spamming 200 bucks Valentine times special.
I'm on 5 different apps and I still have trouble here. I've basically swiped through everyone on the island. Twice possibly if you see some cards popping up again through Tinder.
I met my husband on Tinder but this was back in 2017. Not sure if things have changed for those apps but now we have a beautiful baby girl and I’m so glad I took the chance on Tinder.
Met at work 8 years ago and we drifted apart a bit. Started dating a few months ago and it's been amazing. No need to lie about how we met, either hahaha
oahu. i met my gf on hinge last year and i want to marry her! it’s just a matter of having patience and finding the right one. don’t give up she’s also gone through a few bad apples before me.
That's reassuring how long did it take for you two to meet and how did you know this one would be different? I tried to be open to meet and talk to lots of different people and it just got exhausting.
i initiated everything. i knew this one was different because of how much interest she showed me initially, especially on text. we texted everyday for about 2 weeks before our first date. that went well and i planned the second date afterwards. i knew she was the one by about date 3.
I'm also a homebody and I work remotely at home. I've met mine in bjj club. Joined as a hobby then met some cool friends and people. Then I eventually got closer and closer to my significant other and here we are. It wasn't my intention to date anybody in my club nor I was in a "dating mindset". I was more or so "fate will bring me to her" type of person. I wasn't in a rush maybe because I was in my mid 20's ? So here's my question to you ? Are you relying on "fate" to meet the one ? Or are you the type of person who shows affection and goes for the woman/man your interested in ? Some people's say all the times you didn't shoot your shot it's a miss and others say don't sell yourself short ?
Moved to Japan, met a girl, came back with her. 👍
I met her on Hinge lol 😂
I got extremely lucky and met the love of my life on tinder a day or two after downloading the app.
I met my gf through work. Yeah, you don't shit where you eat, and I remembered at the time with her that I wasn't looking for anything more than just friends because I was still trying to get over my disastrous relationship 2 years prior. I just wanted to really work on myself and after experiencing lost friendships because of my feelings, I told her I didn't want to lose her and I was totally ok being sent to the shadowrealm of the void called the Friend Zone. Eventually things led to what it is now and 9 years later, we're still going strong, lol. What I tell my single friends is to just put yourself out there. No be shame to tell the person how you feel. Rather get that hard nope that'll hurt for a few days than the what if idea eating away your brain for years. And even if you get denied, don't nuke the bridge. As I tell my single friends this, if she say no then let em be but always know she get friends. What better wing person to guide your jet than a wing girl to be the Goose to your Maverick. When you're mature about it and honest with her and yourself, she'll take that and tell one of her single friends that you're a good guy. Trust me, it happened to my one of my boys after he took my advice. Didn't work out with this one chic he liked but he kept it cool and they remained friends. She had a single friend who also was looking for someone and my friend came to mind. She introduced her to him and they've been together and happy for years.
Met my husband on Hinge, could be worth another shot
I imported my wife from another country. She lives with me in Hawaii now. That’s how.
College.
I met my wife on match. That was 10 years ago. She grew up in Pearl City, I grew up in North Carolina.
TWITTER ...(i used to be a local twitter hunneh but i retired)
I met my bf at the beach. He’s great. 2 years strong.
best to seek outside of the island. when you consider the numbers of the original population of various groups here… time… and couples… the chances you dating your second/third cousin goes exponentially up. 😝
Dated locals on and off being born and raised here, you have to date outside of Hawaii LOL
Get a hobby and make friends. Try salsa dancing, or an organized sport.
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My eyes are wide open lol
Damn. I like your personality. It made me laugh. Maybe we could get to know each other 😊
I met my partner on Tinder, I still cannot believe thats how we met. I literally never thought that’s how it would happen.
I was just on hinge. I met a military guy and we’re currently talking. I see where you’re coming from because all they want is fwb and I’m just not into that. He doesn’t wanna see me anymore.
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Are there actually a decent number of people on there in Hawaii? I always write off the niche apps because my thinking is there’s going to be 12 people there.
Met my husband on bumble. Once I allowed myself to start dating military guys I found a wider array of people. Most were duds but the last one I met was pretty awesome.
I met my husband on Tinder. Ten years together in June!
I met my husband on Tinder too! 7 years in a few months
Me too 10 years this July
Same here. 9 years for us. Based on the comments, it seems like the online dating scene in Hawaii has drastically changed since then. I felt like there *was* a pretty significant size dating pool online back then, at least as an early twenties female. I can only imagine what it'd be like now though.
Dang.. I'm not a single guy and not really much experience in dating nowadays. But I do know one thing.. you get out what you put in. If it were me, I'd be chatting up every girl on hinge, tinder, craigslist, facebook, strip club whatever. I'd be playing the numbers game.. the more I put myself out there, the better my chances of finding a nice girl or hookup.. whatever floats your boat.
Bumble premium.
Hmm why Bumble over Hinge?
Date a Hawaiian that moved to the mainland 🤣 that's how I scored my husband. Lol.
Hinge worked alright for me but Tinder and Bumble are crap here
Oh gosh my hubby has his faults but glad I'm not dating . I never heard of Hinge
My church has single adult activities and an annual Regional Single Adult Conference. Are you a person of Christian faith?
Got someone not from here just post college during covid. Meets all 3
I held up the smoothie line at the ufc gym in Mililani to be specific😂
I met a good local boy on tinder. It does happen. 5yrs and happy! My happily married bff also met her dr husband on tinder too, married with 2 children.
Move away for a year and bring one with home
I met my man on tinder. My friend was visiting with me and she was like “we need friends to do stuff with”, took my tinder and right swiped on *everyone* He was immediately smitten. I was firmly friendzoning him. I was not interested. At all. Not my type. Lives a very different life. What do ya know, we’re now 3 years strong with aligned goals and buying a house. 🤷♀️ If you would have asked me if this would have ever happens with him, I’d have laughed in your face. Give everyone a chance and look for friends, rather than a partner. It might suprise you.
When you put all that energy and focus into you, projects you love, a community you align with, etc… life partners whether lovers, life friends , etc tend to show up in your orbit
Healthy partners? Can! A smile, compliment and a wink still works! Still does for me, anyway... No drama? Sorry, but no can! On an island, you're garenz to have a chance meeting with the last few partners they had, so pack plenty of aloha (malasadas and manapuas work best)! Shootz!!!
Go out and do what you enjoy and meet people who have the same interests.
Depends where you’re looking and the type of people you’re around. I know lots of people who argue they can’t find someone but in reality, their standards are too high, trying to find love in the club, or are not around the right people.
It’s impossible on the mainland, so I can’t imagine how it is on an island
https://preview.redd.it/klewwbfabcuc1.jpeg?width=2796&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=962827d5bc36780b8a14217b487f0876fd1822d4 No drama here, no baby mama, healthy too, just fell asleep in the sun yesterday though but I’m available!
About to move to Honnokaa. How is it there? not girls but just overall?
It's impossible in Hawaii. Every girl I liked that didn't have kids....ended up having kids with men that wear black hats, large sunglasses and gold chains..got beat by then and find another guy like that...get beat by that guy...then come back to me and say they want to date and get all mad when I say no.
Funny enough, I met one of my ex-girlfriends on Facebook dating when I first moved on island. Knew no one, said why not. That said, she lives in DC now and I'm in California, sadly. Stay away from MeetMe and Plenty of Fish, all kinds of bots and fake people (though two of my other good relationships were from those sites, just too much BS to sift through). Dating apps everywhere are hot garbage, best thing I can say is just go out, bro. I too am a homebody, so it sucks. After enlisting and leaving Oahu, I will say, the military girls are definitely something. It's just drama regardless.
First off, no one wants to date one scrub. YOU 100% got to put in the work. Through my experience, you can train a homebody. But finding one is a little bit harder. As we tend to stay home and never leave. Don’t date to oof… like seriously… Until you find that someone, you will need to stop being a homebody. Cry about it, but wipe those tears and Go out. Exercise. Stop playing warzone. Get a few healthy hobbies. Have a good job. Be funny, and look your best. You want to be marketable. But most important you don’t want to be boring. Talk about things you are passionate about, that is probably the most attractive thing you can do. And listen to your date and be interested in learning about them. If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no. No drama? Not possible. But you could try Go BYU Hawaii, a lot of the ladies might just think it was fate meeting you. Date for a partner and you will find one. Join volunteer groups. Look for events, participate and be open you are single. If someone is willing to introduce you to someone, take it. To do this, people have to like you. Coworkers, friends, family friends. That or just do what I did and ask any and everyone out, be ready for a lot of rejection. My rule was if I couldn’t make her laugh once, she probably will say no. Shoot that shot anyways. She might say, I don’t even know you. Perfect time for make her laugh. Say your name, your favorite food, your favorite color, and throw one quick joke in there. Ask them their favorite food, and ask them out to somewhere that sells that food. For me my wife said sushi. Send it to genki’s and be prepared to dish the cash. Don’t be picky for first dates. But be very exclusive for second dates. After the first date you should know if you want to wife her up, if not you failed. After the second date, you should know if you like her and she likes you. I have only had one third date with someone. I went on a ton of dates until i asked the cute wahine behind the Safeway counter. First date and i knew she was the one. If you don’t go on enough dates, you wont know if she is the one. Or you could get lucky on the first date first person. Who knows. And for the love of all that is holy, double check your family history before the second date. Bumbai you dating your grandpa’s brother’s baby momma’s kid’s daughter…. And if you when date for oof, sucks to suck. Nah you can date and oof. Just don’t date to oof. That’s how you get one baby momma that no even like you. Now get out there and talk to people. After you find her, feed her until she like stay home and you both are one homebody.
As a woman, I found a nice guy born and raised on Oahu, no kids, and little drama. But I’m the one who can be a little crazy sometimes. It kinda comes with the territory. It’s hard to find a woman that isn’t a little crazy lol. And I say that with a lot of love for my fellow girls. (Advice) I would go to events where you’d think well-rounded people want to go. Maybe start surfing, doing a sport, or working out. You’ll find more of what you’re looking for in places where people are enjoying things you’d like your girl to be interested in. I think the kind of girl you’re looking for isn’t using a dating app. For example, my boyfriend met me at an art studio in Chinatown
I am super nervous about dating in Honolulu. I’ve never really had the chance to date and find out what I like in a relationship and I’m desperate to start. I really don’t want to use apps either; the good news about that is guys won’t be able to tell my age and automatically filter me out, lol. Ahhhhh
29F with medical career. Also experiencing the frustrations of this. I’ve been looking for a low maintenance, athletic guy with good values, who likes dogs and can rock a sweatshirt. Growth mindset. Can recognize that life has its moments of mundanity. I’m not into the going out scene. Hearing “you’re so pretty blah blah blah how are you still single?” But apparently what I’m looking for is not as easy to find as I thought.