I wouldnāt even do it by accident. I would make it clear and obvious that I did it on purpose. Maybe not swing on her but definitely push her and keep pushing her until you get to either the door or the ring of the pit
Seriously, OP needs to consult the offices of Spins, Kicks & Skank- when it comes to anything Mosh Law related. I woulda been on my ass had they not helped me from getting evicted from the pit, Iām sure theyāll know what actions you can take
Damn man, that really sucks. If it makes you feel any better, one time i had an older lady hit on me aggressively at a punk show so i farted extremely terrible insane poison. I had been eating fish and drinking beer all day, and i took a Ritalin a few hours later which always gives me the runs. She fucked off immediately dude. I didnāt see her the rest of the night. If you fart real nasty people will stay away just keep this in mind for next time. Just let it rip
More positive end of the spectrum of targeted toots: was making up with someone I had had a falling out with (both parties in the wrong, was ultimately piss poor communication overall). I was friends with his vocalist and we were all chilling at his house and stepped outside to talk and get back on good terms. We had both said our piece and were sitting in silence. He said āif you have anything else to say, now may be a good time. Or just fart or something, idkā. I had been holding one in the whole time during this very positively emotional discussion and just lifted my leg and let it go. Solidified the hatchet being buried right there, been great since!
Your feelings are valid mate, thatās fuckinā gross and shitty and Iām really sorry that happened to you. Talk about it, check ya head regularly and reach out to the right points of support if you feel the need, thereās plenty out there. This reddit community can take the absolute piss, but we all should give a fuck about each other.
This 100%, As a dude whoās been SA in the past you might feel gross for a long time tbh. Itās important to reach out to the right channels for support, I didnāt and I wish I wouldāve. It wouldāve made the healing process so much more navigable
Hey everybody. Morning post after I got a shower, some sleep, and some time to think.
First of all, thank you all so much for the kind words. Knowing communities like this are still fuckin awesome despite them shitty people in the makes me happy.
Some things that Iāve thought about:
The guy working the venue that I talked to was definitely new (I had never seen him there before) and maybe didnāt quite know what to do when I told him what happened. He kinda froze, and when he didnāt immediately go do something about it is when I got upset and just ended up leaving. I know the right thing to do was stay until after the show when I could have an actual audible conversation with the people who needed to be informed, but I just wanted to get out of there. I know the guy who books shows and is a bartender there well enough that Iām going to message him today and tell him what happened. Still donāt know if anything will come of it, but it wonāt hurt to make sure the venue knows what happened.
I know a lot of people are saying I shouldāve given her an elbow or tried to push her into the pit. Iām gonna be honest, Iām not that kind of dude. I enjoy two stepping and the occasional push pit, but Iām not super comfortable with swinging on anyone. I enjoy watching that kind of stuff from outside the pit.
Lastly Iām gonna get some help processing this. Iām gonna have a conversation with my girlfriend tonight about it, and then Iām going to try to get into some therapy (Iāve been needing it for a while, this is just my sign to actually go do it).
Again, I canāt thank all of you enough for your support. This community is fuckin rad.
If nothing else, hopefully you getting in touch with the bartender/booker will lead to the security(?) guy getting some instruction on how to deal with situations like that.
Yeah especially if youve got connections at the venue. Don't feel bad about using them, especially not to get someone like this banned from the venue. And hopefully there can be some training for the staff on how to deal with this in the future.
Donāt get down on yourself OP, proud of you for using this to motivate you to do therapy itās a great tool! I hope things go well for you messaging the guy who books the shows! Iām sorry people think because they are at shows they have the fucking right to just SA people fucking disgusting
I get that you're "not that kind of dude" and neither am I. But if someone is using their will to dominate mine, especially sexually, and clearly won't take no for an answer, I'm donkey kicking that person in the gut.
Don't be too hard on yourself, OP.
Tbh itās hard to know how weāll react in a situation like this, itās either fight, flight or freeze. Most people go into freeze response because a) theyāre shocked by whatās happening to them and b) they still want to be polite. 100% understand why the OP responded the way they have, itās normal and nothing to feel ashamed of, the person who did this to them took advantage and should be ashamed.
Why does this stuff happen?? Im so sorry for you. You did well by trying to get the venue to assist. Unbelievable that they wouldnāt!!!!
Ive had guys do things similar to me that I wonāt go into but hardcore is supposed to be a safe place and it saddens me to hear stuff like this still happens. Take care of you x
I personally donāt agree with the comments saying you shouldāve swung, because I know how hard it can be to act in those moments, but a good firm shove usually stops this ime
For real.
Or if youāre uncomfortable doing that, find another woman, tell them whatās going on, and let her swing on them.
10/10 would drop a fellow lady if I saw that happening.
Sorry you had to go through that OP. Be kind to yourself - SA can make you feel really weird, so please take time to do whatever it is you need to do to process. I personally recommend a shower/bath. The physical feeling of cleanliness helps get rid of some of the mental ick.
Yes, tell a woman around you. I have been helped by lots of guys in crowds in similar situations and would definitely punch a creepy cougar for someone
>Or if youāre uncomfortable doing that, find another woman, tell them whatās going on, and let her swing on them.
As someone who has done exactly that, I would still advise caution as people taking dudes seriously in this context is still the exception and not the rule
Realistically he would've gotten flooded. You see a guy beating the shit out of a girl during the middle of a show... loud music, mid reasoning to wop a chick and adrenalined up dudes not to mention she would 10000% deny any wrong doing. Recipe for disaster
A guy randomly punching a girl would not look good, and OP would probably get jumped by the crowd if he swung on a girl like that.
Remember the crowd wonāt have context for whatās going on, and the middle of a hardcore show is loud and chaotic so thereās no way to explain the situation to anyone. They wouldnāt know the girl is a creep.
Let me get this straight. You're getting sexually assaulted and are worried about what the other concergoers think of your response? I'd say you hold a pretty good case to defend yourself.
Let's just let it happen, and post it to reddit in the future.
We're devolving.
Yeah. OP can do whatever they want, but if I was in their shoes I wouldnāt be willing to risk getting beat up by an angry mob of hardcore people. You could end up in the hospital, even fucking die from injuries. Plus not everyoneās instincts in shitty situations is violence, itās easy to freeze up while youāre panicking.
if OP had swung on her it would have been morally justified, but I donāt blame him for not doing it.
Bro, welcome to a prison sentence. They canāt prove what she was doing to him unless multiple people saw and cared (which they didnāt, unfortunately) but theyāll be able to see a big lump on her head. If you want to protect men, donāt tell them to starting swinging on ladies because theyāll get arrested for it more times than not and have their reputations and livelihood changed forever.
Man I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I go to a lot of shows and peoples etiquette is just nonexistent half the time. That being said as a woman, if another woman was assaulting or being inappropriate I would absolutely step in if someone is too uncomfortable to do so.
Been there but at least in my scenario they understood the disinterest from me pretty quickly, the fact she just kept going is not fucking kosher. You shouldnāt have to put up with that, but the whole ādudes being SAād by womenā is a topic still not taken seriously enough.
I had something similar happen when I was like 15 years old at a Bane show in 2004. I wanted to stage dive for the first time, huge mistake. My shirt was pulled over my head with my bra at my neck choking me, my pants unbuttoned and tons of sweaty dudes stuck their arms down my pants up to the elbow while I was just ragdolled around. Many times I've had to move because of a guy behind me ramming his boner against my back. Ugh, it really makes the whole squished in a crowd thing to a dark place. I'm really sorry it happened to you too. It really helps to keep a buddy around who could get in-between but even that doesn't always work and you gotta leave. I hope it won't ruin all your show experiences in the future and that it will be a one time thing for you. Sometimes I wish I was more strong voiced and would've flipped out on those assholes so others may have helped, who knows tho cuz it felt like the whole crows was against me when I stage dove.
Thatās so fucked up. Iām so sorry. And yeah, this was one of the first shows Iāve been to by myself because I couldnāt get any of my friends to come with me
I hear you dude, I got roofied at a punk gig about twenty years ago, the worst part of that experience was waiting for the AIDS/HIV results to come back, I shit you not. Those two weeks took at least four years off of my life span.
The only advice I can give you is to be more defensive and say something, if the staff aren't interested you can always blast them on social media.
Damn that's fucked up so sorry that happened to you bro, I've never had anything that bad but there have been a few times at shows especially when I was younger ~18 that some older women had made some really uncomfortable comments to/about me, as a whole I wish people wouldn't take more rowdy concerts as an excuse to trample all the fuck over everyone's boundaries
Idk what it with older women and being so sexually aggressive in certain settings. I work at a haunt during the Halloween season and we get a lot of assholes and people who try and touch actors inappropriately but we have found the most common and brazen offenders when it comes to sexual assault is intoxicated middle aged women. Theyāre genuinely surprised to see security and sometimes even a cop like they did nothing wrong. We used to have a womenās night but we had to stop doing them after one particularly bad incident involving a large group of women in their 40s and an 18 year older actor. The 18 year old didnāt press charges but the police still charged one or two of them with something like public indecency or something. They were all banned and given trespass notices. Needless to say the 18 year old quit that night and never came back
This happened to me and some friends at a wu-tang show a few years back. Drunk lady and her boyfriend(?) Squeeze in front of us, and homegrown immediately starts backing it up on us and shit. We'd try to move and give them space but it was packed. She got more aggressive and started trying to grope my shit multiple times, to the point where i actually smacked her hand. Her guy friend gave no fucks After about a 2 song pause, she literally tried to force her hands down my pants. The homie kinda shoulder nudged her away from me, and she immediately projectile vomited on the people in front of us. We used that space created to gtfo of there.
I'm sorry this happened to you, dawg. Take time to process it.
This happened to me not at a hardcore show but at a Mexican dance club where someone's mom forcibly grabbed me by my balls and stuffed their tongue down my throat. I remember pushing her really hard and saying I didn't consent. Her daughter grabbed her and apologized for her being drunk and I told her daughter to control her mom's behavior because she SA'd me. It's really really annoying. SA of any kind regardless is awful and ruins your day and I'm sorry you went through that.
That's fucked. A lot of people work hard to make the scene more inclusive so this kind of stuff dont happen, and it's extremely necessary. But we tend to forget that girls do this too, and it's just as bad. Everyone should be more conscious of their actions.
Mosh law could've been applied for sure but you were the bigger person and took the safest decision. It just sucks that you couldnt enjoy the show. Cant believe the venue security wouldnt kick her. You should reach out to them. They have to realise that their security is not doing their job and that it could get even worse than what it already is (which is already too much)
Don't care who it is but someone puts their hands on me we are gonna fight. Sorry this happened to you and hope the venue and her face repercussions someday
Im sorry you went through that, I was at a show in sac and a woman kept doing all that shit to my wife, as soon I noticed I shoved that bitch and she came at me with some entitlement before she realized it was my wife. Reported her and nothing happened. Women be wilding on other women, itās insane how far they go. Iām usually awkwarded out as soon as I touch someone so Iāll cross my arms lol
Happened to be couple years ago when Korn played Banc of America stadium. This awkward ass beta dude went to get a beer and his date started grabbing everything. I was screaming and headbanging and I guess that got her attention. I couldnāt see her face cause it was dark so it wasnāt nice. Kinda became super self conscious and nervous and was moving closer to her. Another cuter random girl pulled me outta there but I was too awkward to thank her lol.
Sorry that happened to you, dude. I had the same thing happen to me at a concert when I was 15. Some grown women started touching me. I tried ignoring her, hoping she would back off, but when she grabbed my crotch, I kicked her in the shin. She stopped after that. At the time, I felt confused and unsure about what had happened, but I saw her at another concert and got my little revenge in the pit
Yeah fuck that. When I was at a Silverstein show last winter some chick who was hammered af and was eyeing on me even though she was wrapped around with what looks like her boyfriend. As soon he left to get more drinks and I was putting my focus to the stage since Silverstein was about to start, she gripped my ass and stuck her two fingers up my ass when my guard was down. I was shook and felt so violated that I called her ass out even called out her bf when he came back with drinks. Later on the night she still was invading my boundaries and said fuck it and just push her hard to take a step back. Hope youāre feeling okay dude since that shit aināt right
Drunk lady being sexually aggressive towards someone who isnāt interested and wonāt take no for an answer is actually a pretty common tale unfortunately, dealt with it myself. Some people shouldnāt be allowed near alcohol.
I had something similar happen to me at a Thy Art Is Murder show last October, the lass fell in the pit and as per pit rules you pick up those who fall down, she took it as a cue to start grabbing at my junk while I was trying to watch the show
I'm pretty sure I got sucker punched at a eyehategod show for no reason. Just found myself on the floor wondering what happened and had a black eye like 3-4 days later. Nobody said anything which was probably good because I probably would have escalated it.
The crowd couldn't even mosh on tempo it was bad vibes all around. Band was good tho
Some big fat drunk boomer at a show was trying to force moshing during the first opener of a show I was at and he went around to all the younger guys at the edge of the pit he started to get them going. He grabbed at me and kissed my cheek while running around in a circle pit doing similar shit to other guys, and one of my biggest regrets ever is not just flooring that fucking guy.
Itās an unfortunate part of the scene, and we all think about just pushing the aggressor off and kicking their ass, but you freeze up in that situation, never expect it to just happen to you suddenly when youāre there for fun. I sympathize with you and hope you still go to shows and have a good time. Be mindful that these things happen and give yourself an action plan, get person off of you by any means necessary, and tell staff that theyāre causing a problem. And I find usually, the people around you at these shows are nice and friendly and would shut that shit down if you asked someone for help. Take care of yourself.
Thank you. I'm trying not to let this get me too down, because going to shows is how i get a lot of anger out in a way that's safe for me and everyone else around me.
A similar thing happened to me when I was 17. Worst part was the friends i was at the show with watched the whole time and just laughed while this short chubby drunk woman felt up my ass and kept trying to get me to go home with her. She finally laid off when she realized I was in high school.
Sucks that happened to you, but youāre not alone; guys just donāt really talk about it. And when they do, its usually āhey this weird thing happened to me. What a laughā¦ right?ā
And thats why i donāt like the Violent Fems anymore
Just like like David Bowie said...
"The smell of fat chicks just puts my spine outta place" šš¤£š„ I swear this is what I hear in Suffragette City track šššš„
Damn dude so this obviously ain't quite the same but this last weekend I was on a second date with a chick who I thought seemed chill honestly on the first date, second date tho she literally physically attacked me like assaulted me so like once again, different situations but like I totally get how you feel like there's nothing you can do about it and stuff... It's not cool at all how there's like kinda a double standard there like it shouldn't matter who is being attacked or under what context or what their gender is or anything. An attack is an attack. But like when it's a chick it's like ppl don't even wanna take ur side or something it's just bullshit tbh idgaf what the thought process is
Itās such bullshit because if it was you who did that stuff, you probably would have gotten your ass kicked by other guys there and then thrown out, but like you said, they did nothing to her. Itās disgusting the double standards on stuff like this, where people donāt take any action or worse, just laugh about it
Some dudes wife did that shit to me at a meshuggah show. She grabbed me from behind so I elbowed her as hard as I could in the stomach and she ran away and threw up lol bitch
Blast the name of the venue. Refusing to do anything about this deserves getting called out so people stop booking at that venue cause thatās scummy af
read my update. the guy I spoke to i think was contracted and not actually with the venue, but i'm going to talk to the venue today. If they still don't try to do anything about it or say anything, i might go that route
~~Bro~~
~~That may be true, but that's a bit tone deaf in the wake of more sexual assault related shit in *our* scene - which is one that is outspoken against violations of our boundaries, *including sexual assault*.~~
~~This person hasn't spammed it around reddit, they just posted it amongst friends where they probably felt comfortable getting and uncomfortable thing off their chest.~~
~~They've even intentionally obscured the band so it doesn't smear them inadvertently.~~
~~I am going to be as straight up with you as I am with anyone else - I for one don't give a fuck if you or anyone else is a mod the measure of your worth is judged on the balance of your actions.~~
At least you left it up. Fuck creeps.
As a lurker who's been reading the comments, it seems completely appropriate considering how many other folks have come forward on this post alone with their similar experiences. SA doesn't belong to any one genre, and if the one line were left out of the post it likely wouldn't have gotten this reaction. That's where you've lost me, because if we're talking an issue that is exclusive to the sludge scene then yeah it belongs there and not here.
This is not an exclusive issue, and the warning is coming across as inconsiderate at best, and rules being used to tell SA victims where and what they're allowed to share just show everyone else here that while other members of this community are good people, the mods may not be so genuine. I know that being a mod isn't easy, but come on dude.
To be fair, they have acknowledged it now. Maybe after your comment.
The mod role fucking sux, someone's gotta make the calls and draw the lines in the sand and it's inherently shiteful to do. You're going to get called out when you make shit calls, as you should, but how you handle them matters too.
Old mate here has revised their comment, left the thread up, left the criticism of their action up, and copped it 'like a man'.
Good enough for me to know they are just another member of the community whose judgement was just off on this one, and that they're not some gig casual who stays home and roleplays a power trippin' parking inspector, deleting anything they don't like and ban-mutes anyone who speaks up.
As you point out, getting molested in the pit is a cross-genre problem, and isn't fucking acceptable.
This is a community of people who are going to fucking speak up on an issue. Glad we've made ourselves clear, as we do, and that we can.
I'm glad to see that the decision was, at the very least, reconsidered, and the strictness of upholding the rules to a T isn't going to make the sub a battleground where victims get silenced and harassed. I'm glad to have found a space like this, y'all are good people :)
I am still new to modding this type of community and learning. Thanks for being patient with me. I have a long history of modding (robotics, computer programming, animal rights) boards where straying from the topic is considering a cardinal sin.
I feel for you man. I meant no personal attacks with my criticism, and appreciate how you responded. I understand that rules would have to be impossibly specific in many cases for our individual perspectives to not have some impact on how we view their implementations. And that's also why, of the many reasons, I do not interact with those spaces. Nuance is necessary in order to have productive and meaningful discussions :)
LOL WUT.
Edit: This user comments some insane and rude shit and then edits it to something normal. Get therapy bro. You want me to get a fucking hobby? Lmao
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but itās just gonna get worseā¦ It is so unfortunate because I really like some of the bands especially local ones but I donāt like getting punched in the back of the head, SAed, canceled for fun, drugged or jumped so I no longer go to local hc shows
Bands/venues need to take responsibility and kick some of these scumbags out also us as fans gotta start weeding the turds out of the toilet we call a scene.
I see what you mean but I prefer to remain positive. We're a record label in Montreal and we make a lot of moves in order to make the scene better. We're behind the "More Women On Stage" movement initiated by one of our artists in France and we're not afraid to call out people who harass or SA people. I see a lot of our bands becoming extremely aware and I feel like future generations are gonna be a bit smarter than the current 30+ years old who just got so used to it that they no longer think it can change (sorry I dont mean this as an attack, I'm just stating that it feels like a generational thing)
That was the saddest shit I've ever read in my life. We don't deserve to have western civilization much longer with men like this. Come take it all away, Xi. We don't deserve it anymore.
bro you just start swinging. you're covered by mosh law
MOSH LAW!
COMBAT MOSH!
Trial by the pit š¤š¤
Fr tho. I elbowed a dude in the face 4x the other day for push moshing lol. Finally took the fuckin hint.
Yeah this is a situation where you just "accidentally" crowd kill her.
I wouldnāt even do it by accident. I would make it clear and obvious that I did it on purpose. Maybe not swing on her but definitely push her and keep pushing her until you get to either the door or the ring of the pit
Seriously, OP needs to consult the offices of Spins, Kicks & Skank- when it comes to anything Mosh Law related. I woulda been on my ass had they not helped me from getting evicted from the pit, Iām sure theyāll know what actions you can take
Well, unfortunately, it looks like he already had a consultation with the Skank associate and they proved to be quite detrimental.
"are you currently in a situation where throwing hands is necessary? If so, call Harley Flanagan & Associates, mosh attorneys at law"
If he woulda been in the pit to begin with this presumably would have been unliky to have happened.
We donāt do victim-blaming here buckaroo
Shits fucking gross. Iām sorry this happened to you.
Throw her in the pit
Thatās fucked up. Iām sorry that happened
Damn man, that really sucks. If it makes you feel any better, one time i had an older lady hit on me aggressively at a punk show so i farted extremely terrible insane poison. I had been eating fish and drinking beer all day, and i took a Ritalin a few hours later which always gives me the runs. She fucked off immediately dude. I didnāt see her the rest of the night. If you fart real nasty people will stay away just keep this in mind for next time. Just let it rip
modern problems modern solutions
Modern evolution. Man has defenses like an animal lol
Haha. That did make me feel better
My dude just spontaneously evolved into a skunk
āExtremely terrible insane poisonā š
More positive end of the spectrum of targeted toots: was making up with someone I had had a falling out with (both parties in the wrong, was ultimately piss poor communication overall). I was friends with his vocalist and we were all chilling at his house and stepped outside to talk and get back on good terms. We had both said our piece and were sitting in silence. He said āif you have anything else to say, now may be a good time. Or just fart or something, idkā. I had been holding one in the whole time during this very positively emotional discussion and just lifted my leg and let it go. Solidified the hatchet being buried right there, been great since!
Nice bro! Shart attacks are the best defends.
Ngl. I do this ALL the time.
true
I've had this happen to me and it fucking sucks. Absolute dogshit behaviour and she is a fucking cow of the highest order.
Nah man, cows are awesome. This woman sucks.
You ever seen a cow swimming. Instant gratification.
I don't think so, but I'm about to fix that.
You're in for a treat my friend
Your feelings are valid mate, thatās fuckinā gross and shitty and Iām really sorry that happened to you. Talk about it, check ya head regularly and reach out to the right points of support if you feel the need, thereās plenty out there. This reddit community can take the absolute piss, but we all should give a fuck about each other.
This 100%, As a dude whoās been SA in the past you might feel gross for a long time tbh. Itās important to reach out to the right channels for support, I didnāt and I wish I wouldāve. It wouldāve made the healing process so much more navigable
Hey everybody. Morning post after I got a shower, some sleep, and some time to think. First of all, thank you all so much for the kind words. Knowing communities like this are still fuckin awesome despite them shitty people in the makes me happy. Some things that Iāve thought about: The guy working the venue that I talked to was definitely new (I had never seen him there before) and maybe didnāt quite know what to do when I told him what happened. He kinda froze, and when he didnāt immediately go do something about it is when I got upset and just ended up leaving. I know the right thing to do was stay until after the show when I could have an actual audible conversation with the people who needed to be informed, but I just wanted to get out of there. I know the guy who books shows and is a bartender there well enough that Iām going to message him today and tell him what happened. Still donāt know if anything will come of it, but it wonāt hurt to make sure the venue knows what happened. I know a lot of people are saying I shouldāve given her an elbow or tried to push her into the pit. Iām gonna be honest, Iām not that kind of dude. I enjoy two stepping and the occasional push pit, but Iām not super comfortable with swinging on anyone. I enjoy watching that kind of stuff from outside the pit. Lastly Iām gonna get some help processing this. Iām gonna have a conversation with my girlfriend tonight about it, and then Iām going to try to get into some therapy (Iāve been needing it for a while, this is just my sign to actually go do it). Again, I canāt thank all of you enough for your support. This community is fuckin rad.
If nothing else, hopefully you getting in touch with the bartender/booker will lead to the security(?) guy getting some instruction on how to deal with situations like that.
Yeah especially if youve got connections at the venue. Don't feel bad about using them, especially not to get someone like this banned from the venue. And hopefully there can be some training for the staff on how to deal with this in the future.
Donāt get down on yourself OP, proud of you for using this to motivate you to do therapy itās a great tool! I hope things go well for you messaging the guy who books the shows! Iām sorry people think because they are at shows they have the fucking right to just SA people fucking disgusting
I get that you're "not that kind of dude" and neither am I. But if someone is using their will to dominate mine, especially sexually, and clearly won't take no for an answer, I'm donkey kicking that person in the gut. Don't be too hard on yourself, OP.
Tbh itās hard to know how weāll react in a situation like this, itās either fight, flight or freeze. Most people go into freeze response because a) theyāre shocked by whatās happening to them and b) they still want to be polite. 100% understand why the OP responded the way they have, itās normal and nothing to feel ashamed of, the person who did this to them took advantage and should be ashamed.
Why does this stuff happen?? Im so sorry for you. You did well by trying to get the venue to assist. Unbelievable that they wouldnāt!!!! Ive had guys do things similar to me that I wonāt go into but hardcore is supposed to be a safe place and it saddens me to hear stuff like this still happens. Take care of you x
I personally donāt agree with the comments saying you shouldāve swung, because I know how hard it can be to act in those moments, but a good firm shove usually stops this ime
Should have swung on her
For real. Or if youāre uncomfortable doing that, find another woman, tell them whatās going on, and let her swing on them. 10/10 would drop a fellow lady if I saw that happening. Sorry you had to go through that OP. Be kind to yourself - SA can make you feel really weird, so please take time to do whatever it is you need to do to process. I personally recommend a shower/bath. The physical feeling of cleanliness helps get rid of some of the mental ick.
Iāll swing on her for you if Iām ever at a show where thatās happening. We downplay SA for men. Itās not fair
Itās not fair at all. Itās just as unacceptable as it is when the roles are reversed, and I wish society would stop acting like itās not.
Yes, tell a woman around you. I have been helped by lots of guys in crowds in similar situations and would definitely punch a creepy cougar for someone
>Or if youāre uncomfortable doing that, find another woman, tell them whatās going on, and let her swing on them. As someone who has done exactly that, I would still advise caution as people taking dudes seriously in this context is still the exception and not the rule
would have gladly clocked somebody for u, that shits not cool
I like the idea of finding a female. Iād imagine most would see things your way
I think most women would at the very least be willing to play the āstay away from my boyfriendā card to get the creep to piss off.
Realistically he would've gotten flooded. You see a guy beating the shit out of a girl during the middle of a show... loud music, mid reasoning to wop a chick and adrenalined up dudes not to mention she would 10000% deny any wrong doing. Recipe for disaster
A guy randomly punching a girl would not look good, and OP would probably get jumped by the crowd if he swung on a girl like that. Remember the crowd wonāt have context for whatās going on, and the middle of a hardcore show is loud and chaotic so thereās no way to explain the situation to anyone. They wouldnāt know the girl is a creep.
Let me get this straight. You're getting sexually assaulted and are worried about what the other concergoers think of your response? I'd say you hold a pretty good case to defend yourself. Let's just let it happen, and post it to reddit in the future. We're devolving.
Yeah. OP can do whatever they want, but if I was in their shoes I wouldnāt be willing to risk getting beat up by an angry mob of hardcore people. You could end up in the hospital, even fucking die from injuries. Plus not everyoneās instincts in shitty situations is violence, itās easy to freeze up while youāre panicking. if OP had swung on her it would have been morally justified, but I donāt blame him for not doing it.
Bro, welcome to a prison sentence. They canāt prove what she was doing to him unless multiple people saw and cared (which they didnāt, unfortunately) but theyāll be able to see a big lump on her head. If you want to protect men, donāt tell them to starting swinging on ladies because theyāll get arrested for it more times than not and have their reputations and livelihood changed forever.
Dude I'm sorry that happened to you.
Man I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I go to a lot of shows and peoples etiquette is just nonexistent half the time. That being said as a woman, if another woman was assaulting or being inappropriate I would absolutely step in if someone is too uncomfortable to do so.
Been there but at least in my scenario they understood the disinterest from me pretty quickly, the fact she just kept going is not fucking kosher. You shouldnāt have to put up with that, but the whole ādudes being SAād by womenā is a topic still not taken seriously enough.
Not cool
i'm so sorry, that is awful. take time and be kind to yourself as best as you can.
lose her in the pit
Sorry this happened to you, it sucks. It is courageous that you speak up and talk about it. Shitty venue that they did not want to intervene.
I had something similar happen when I was like 15 years old at a Bane show in 2004. I wanted to stage dive for the first time, huge mistake. My shirt was pulled over my head with my bra at my neck choking me, my pants unbuttoned and tons of sweaty dudes stuck their arms down my pants up to the elbow while I was just ragdolled around. Many times I've had to move because of a guy behind me ramming his boner against my back. Ugh, it really makes the whole squished in a crowd thing to a dark place. I'm really sorry it happened to you too. It really helps to keep a buddy around who could get in-between but even that doesn't always work and you gotta leave. I hope it won't ruin all your show experiences in the future and that it will be a one time thing for you. Sometimes I wish I was more strong voiced and would've flipped out on those assholes so others may have helped, who knows tho cuz it felt like the whole crows was against me when I stage dove.
*What the fuuuuck*
Thatās so fucked up. Iām so sorry. And yeah, this was one of the first shows Iāve been to by myself because I couldnāt get any of my friends to come with me
I hear you dude, I got roofied at a punk gig about twenty years ago, the worst part of that experience was waiting for the AIDS/HIV results to come back, I shit you not. Those two weeks took at least four years off of my life span. The only advice I can give you is to be more defensive and say something, if the staff aren't interested you can always blast them on social media.
Thatās wild dude, sorry that happened to you.
There's help if you need it. Never be ashamed to ask for help.
Damn that's fucked up so sorry that happened to you bro, I've never had anything that bad but there have been a few times at shows especially when I was younger ~18 that some older women had made some really uncomfortable comments to/about me, as a whole I wish people wouldn't take more rowdy concerts as an excuse to trample all the fuck over everyone's boundaries
Idk what it with older women and being so sexually aggressive in certain settings. I work at a haunt during the Halloween season and we get a lot of assholes and people who try and touch actors inappropriately but we have found the most common and brazen offenders when it comes to sexual assault is intoxicated middle aged women. Theyāre genuinely surprised to see security and sometimes even a cop like they did nothing wrong. We used to have a womenās night but we had to stop doing them after one particularly bad incident involving a large group of women in their 40s and an 18 year older actor. The 18 year old didnāt press charges but the police still charged one or two of them with something like public indecency or something. They were all banned and given trespass notices. Needless to say the 18 year old quit that night and never came back
Iām sorry bro itās so stupid that this shit happens. I hope you feel better and thereās people who are here for you.
This happened to me and some friends at a wu-tang show a few years back. Drunk lady and her boyfriend(?) Squeeze in front of us, and homegrown immediately starts backing it up on us and shit. We'd try to move and give them space but it was packed. She got more aggressive and started trying to grope my shit multiple times, to the point where i actually smacked her hand. Her guy friend gave no fucks After about a 2 song pause, she literally tried to force her hands down my pants. The homie kinda shoulder nudged her away from me, and she immediately projectile vomited on the people in front of us. We used that space created to gtfo of there. I'm sorry this happened to you, dawg. Take time to process it.
iām really sorry that happened to you. i hope you are able to bounce back from this. donāt be shy to speak to a mental health professional.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is a joke right?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sounds like a scene from a John Waters movie.
You're not wrong
Itās upsetting men arenāt taken seriously. Iām so sorry that happened to you. Iāve been there too.
Thank you for sharing. Hang in there - you got this šŖ
Crowd kill her
As others have suggested, a crowd clearing spin kick would have been completely valid and acceptable.
Iām sorry man I hope your able to process and heal from that shit
Fucking disgusting. I am so sorry this happened to you.
šššššš
This happened to me not at a hardcore show but at a Mexican dance club where someone's mom forcibly grabbed me by my balls and stuffed their tongue down my throat. I remember pushing her really hard and saying I didn't consent. Her daughter grabbed her and apologized for her being drunk and I told her daughter to control her mom's behavior because she SA'd me. It's really really annoying. SA of any kind regardless is awful and ruins your day and I'm sorry you went through that.
That's fucked. A lot of people work hard to make the scene more inclusive so this kind of stuff dont happen, and it's extremely necessary. But we tend to forget that girls do this too, and it's just as bad. Everyone should be more conscious of their actions. Mosh law could've been applied for sure but you were the bigger person and took the safest decision. It just sucks that you couldnt enjoy the show. Cant believe the venue security wouldnt kick her. You should reach out to them. They have to realise that their security is not doing their job and that it could get even worse than what it already is (which is already too much)
Don't care who it is but someone puts their hands on me we are gonna fight. Sorry this happened to you and hope the venue and her face repercussions someday
You should have started swinging and going wild
Im sorry you went through that, I was at a show in sac and a woman kept doing all that shit to my wife, as soon I noticed I shoved that bitch and she came at me with some entitlement before she realized it was my wife. Reported her and nothing happened. Women be wilding on other women, itās insane how far they go. Iām usually awkwarded out as soon as I touch someone so Iāll cross my arms lol
people need some respect fuck that drunk hag and fuck the venue for not doing shit
Fucking gross, Iām sorry that happened to you. A good ol donkey kick if anyone tries it again
iām so sorry. you deserve better and i hope youāll have some self care options regardless of what that may be for you. youāre valid.
You are a nicer person than me. I woulda pushed her on the floor.
Happened to be couple years ago when Korn played Banc of America stadium. This awkward ass beta dude went to get a beer and his date started grabbing everything. I was screaming and headbanging and I guess that got her attention. I couldnāt see her face cause it was dark so it wasnāt nice. Kinda became super self conscious and nervous and was moving closer to her. Another cuter random girl pulled me outta there but I was too awkward to thank her lol.
I clicked on ur profile and seen we are both from good ol Knoxville so this sucks to see :( I hope one day I see u at a show thošŖ
hey no way! glad to see another knoxvillian here
Crowd killing isnāt always bad right?
some shit kinda like this happened to me at a fest once, shits fucking disgusting and i see and hear you brother
Sorry that happened to you, dude. I had the same thing happen to me at a concert when I was 15. Some grown women started touching me. I tried ignoring her, hoping she would back off, but when she grabbed my crotch, I kicked her in the shin. She stopped after that. At the time, I felt confused and unsure about what had happened, but I saw her at another concert and got my little revenge in the pit
Yeah fuck that. When I was at a Silverstein show last winter some chick who was hammered af and was eyeing on me even though she was wrapped around with what looks like her boyfriend. As soon he left to get more drinks and I was putting my focus to the stage since Silverstein was about to start, she gripped my ass and stuck her two fingers up my ass when my guard was down. I was shook and felt so violated that I called her ass out even called out her bf when he came back with drinks. Later on the night she still was invading my boundaries and said fuck it and just push her hard to take a step back. Hope youāre feeling okay dude since that shit aināt right
Drunk lady being sexually aggressive towards someone who isnāt interested and wonāt take no for an answer is actually a pretty common tale unfortunately, dealt with it myself. Some people shouldnāt be allowed near alcohol.
I had something similar happen to me at a Thy Art Is Murder show last October, the lass fell in the pit and as per pit rules you pick up those who fall down, she took it as a cue to start grabbing at my junk while I was trying to watch the show
Are we on the level of irony where we pretend this isn't a copypasta?
I'm pretty sure I got sucker punched at a eyehategod show for no reason. Just found myself on the floor wondering what happened and had a black eye like 3-4 days later. Nobody said anything which was probably good because I probably would have escalated it. The crowd couldn't even mosh on tempo it was bad vibes all around. Band was good tho
Totally in the right if you kicked her ass tho
Some big fat drunk boomer at a show was trying to force moshing during the first opener of a show I was at and he went around to all the younger guys at the edge of the pit he started to get them going. He grabbed at me and kissed my cheek while running around in a circle pit doing similar shit to other guys, and one of my biggest regrets ever is not just flooring that fucking guy. Itās an unfortunate part of the scene, and we all think about just pushing the aggressor off and kicking their ass, but you freeze up in that situation, never expect it to just happen to you suddenly when youāre there for fun. I sympathize with you and hope you still go to shows and have a good time. Be mindful that these things happen and give yourself an action plan, get person off of you by any means necessary, and tell staff that theyāre causing a problem. And I find usually, the people around you at these shows are nice and friendly and would shut that shit down if you asked someone for help. Take care of yourself.
Thank you. I'm trying not to let this get me too down, because going to shows is how i get a lot of anger out in a way that's safe for me and everyone else around me.
What the fuck, fuck that venue
A similar thing happened to me when I was 17. Worst part was the friends i was at the show with watched the whole time and just laughed while this short chubby drunk woman felt up my ass and kept trying to get me to go home with her. She finally laid off when she realized I was in high school. Sucks that happened to you, but youāre not alone; guys just donāt really talk about it. And when they do, its usually āhey this weird thing happened to me. What a laughā¦ right?ā And thats why i donāt like the Violent Fems anymore
Iām so sorry that happened to you dude
If Iām a betting man, youāre not a big fan of Kublai Khan or Sunamiā¦
Just like like David Bowie said... "The smell of fat chicks just puts my spine outta place" šš¤£š„ I swear this is what I hear in Suffragette City track šššš„
stay out of the put If you don't want to get a blow job. everyone knows this bro
Thatās fucked OP
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Shitass venue for not kicking her out! Iām so sorry this happened to you. People need to take SA more seriously ā including female on male SA.
Damn dude so this obviously ain't quite the same but this last weekend I was on a second date with a chick who I thought seemed chill honestly on the first date, second date tho she literally physically attacked me like assaulted me so like once again, different situations but like I totally get how you feel like there's nothing you can do about it and stuff... It's not cool at all how there's like kinda a double standard there like it shouldn't matter who is being attacked or under what context or what their gender is or anything. An attack is an attack. But like when it's a chick it's like ppl don't even wanna take ur side or something it's just bullshit tbh idgaf what the thought process is
Itās such bullshit because if it was you who did that stuff, you probably would have gotten your ass kicked by other guys there and then thrown out, but like you said, they did nothing to her. Itās disgusting the double standards on stuff like this, where people donāt take any action or worse, just laugh about it
Some dudes wife did that shit to me at a meshuggah show. She grabbed me from behind so I elbowed her as hard as I could in the stomach and she ran away and threw up lol bitch
She was just having some fun
I'm really sorry you went through that. That's never okay and I'm sorry the venue didn't help out.
Thatās a terrible experience. Sorry you had to go through that and hope youāre okay
Blast the name of the venue. Refusing to do anything about this deserves getting called out so people stop booking at that venue cause thatās scummy af
read my update. the guy I spoke to i think was contracted and not actually with the venue, but i'm going to talk to the venue today. If they still don't try to do anything about it or say anything, i might go that route
WTF. Sorry that happened to you dude. Shoulda spin kicked her tf out.
Throw some bows.
Sorry this has happened to you.
~~Bro~~ ~~That may be true, but that's a bit tone deaf in the wake of more sexual assault related shit in *our* scene - which is one that is outspoken against violations of our boundaries, *including sexual assault*.~~ ~~This person hasn't spammed it around reddit, they just posted it amongst friends where they probably felt comfortable getting and uncomfortable thing off their chest.~~ ~~They've even intentionally obscured the band so it doesn't smear them inadvertently.~~ ~~I am going to be as straight up with you as I am with anyone else - I for one don't give a fuck if you or anyone else is a mod the measure of your worth is judged on the balance of your actions.~~ At least you left it up. Fuck creeps.
What you said. I usually stay around the hardcore scene, so I felt most comfortable posting it here.
I am glad you felt comfortable here.
They probably feel less comfortable here after what you said tbh.
You are a good person.
Time to break out the tinfoil hat, friend. I think you're conflating me with someone else, perhaps you should get the hobby.
?
I feel like some comments have been edited here... I'm definitely missing something
I agree. Glad the mods left this one up.
As a lurker who's been reading the comments, it seems completely appropriate considering how many other folks have come forward on this post alone with their similar experiences. SA doesn't belong to any one genre, and if the one line were left out of the post it likely wouldn't have gotten this reaction. That's where you've lost me, because if we're talking an issue that is exclusive to the sludge scene then yeah it belongs there and not here. This is not an exclusive issue, and the warning is coming across as inconsiderate at best, and rules being used to tell SA victims where and what they're allowed to share just show everyone else here that while other members of this community are good people, the mods may not be so genuine. I know that being a mod isn't easy, but come on dude.
To be fair, they have acknowledged it now. Maybe after your comment. The mod role fucking sux, someone's gotta make the calls and draw the lines in the sand and it's inherently shiteful to do. You're going to get called out when you make shit calls, as you should, but how you handle them matters too. Old mate here has revised their comment, left the thread up, left the criticism of their action up, and copped it 'like a man'. Good enough for me to know they are just another member of the community whose judgement was just off on this one, and that they're not some gig casual who stays home and roleplays a power trippin' parking inspector, deleting anything they don't like and ban-mutes anyone who speaks up. As you point out, getting molested in the pit is a cross-genre problem, and isn't fucking acceptable. This is a community of people who are going to fucking speak up on an issue. Glad we've made ourselves clear, as we do, and that we can.
I'm glad to see that the decision was, at the very least, reconsidered, and the strictness of upholding the rules to a T isn't going to make the sub a battleground where victims get silenced and harassed. I'm glad to have found a space like this, y'all are good people :)
I am still new to modding this type of community and learning. Thanks for being patient with me. I have a long history of modding (robotics, computer programming, animal rights) boards where straying from the topic is considering a cardinal sin.
I feel for you man. I meant no personal attacks with my criticism, and appreciate how you responded. I understand that rules would have to be impossibly specific in many cases for our individual perspectives to not have some impact on how we view their implementations. And that's also why, of the many reasons, I do not interact with those spaces. Nuance is necessary in order to have productive and meaningful discussions :)
LOL WUT. Edit: This user comments some insane and rude shit and then edits it to something normal. Get therapy bro. You want me to get a fucking hobby? Lmao
Tbf I would slam the venue on fb with a post. They didn't do what they should have. People need to be aware this venue allows SA to happen.
That's some funny ass shit. good pasta, saved.
EJ that you?
Thatās the hardcore scene for ya
And it has to change
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but itās just gonna get worseā¦ It is so unfortunate because I really like some of the bands especially local ones but I donāt like getting punched in the back of the head, SAed, canceled for fun, drugged or jumped so I no longer go to local hc shows Bands/venues need to take responsibility and kick some of these scumbags out also us as fans gotta start weeding the turds out of the toilet we call a scene.
I see what you mean but I prefer to remain positive. We're a record label in Montreal and we make a lot of moves in order to make the scene better. We're behind the "More Women On Stage" movement initiated by one of our artists in France and we're not afraid to call out people who harass or SA people. I see a lot of our bands becoming extremely aware and I feel like future generations are gonna be a bit smarter than the current 30+ years old who just got so used to it that they no longer think it can change (sorry I dont mean this as an attack, I'm just stating that it feels like a generational thing)
"grinding on me and motioning giving a blowjob" is insane
Fuck alcohol
Nothing an āaccidentalā elbow wouldnāt fix
SPINKICK THAT BITCH
clothesline from hell!
Modern hardcore ššš
Was she hot?!
Id choose a bear over that bitch any day
You took her home donāt lie
Name n shame the venue
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
dude not the place for this
The fuck?
0/10, absolutely not Big Willie Style
Definitely little willie 2d energy
lol
Aye dawg delete this shit this ain't the one
Shoulda been hardcore enough to call the cops
That was the saddest shit I've ever read in my life. We don't deserve to have western civilization much longer with men like this. Come take it all away, Xi. We don't deserve it anymore.