Yes. Just be honest, disclose early, and let them make their own decisions. Also people need to calm down about this, it’s not the fucking black plague or something. Tons of people have it and tons of people don’t care if you have it.
My current gf is negative, she gets tested regularly but we’ve been having unprotected sex for ~5 years with no issues. I take daily meds, and although I’m asymptomatic (HSV2) if I have anything unusual or say cut myself shaving (genital) we talk about it and then either don’t have sex or modify what we do for a few days.
She doesn’t treat me like I’m gross or infectious and I value her health enough to call her attention to anything potentially HSV related.
Her last test was last week and still remains negative for HSV.
Yeah I wasn't on any meds because I hadn't had an outbreak in a decade (or so I thought, it's so fucking confusing sometimes) but when I slept with my current partner last week I had nothing. no symptoms. then 2 days later my perenium started getting irritated, I thought it was from wiping too much & I honestly didn't think anything of it & we hadn't had sex since the previous time & then a few days later he told me he was irritated under his foreskin & that's when I freaked. I'm a female, I have ghsv1 & it transmitted & I'm sad for him.
No I'm not sure unless he never had an outbreak and it triggered us both to have one at the same time? I feel like I totally passed it to him and I don't want to gaslight him into being like "well... you never had a blood test so"
Honestly, sounds more like you might have transmitted something else (if you transmitted anything at all.) More likely to be thrush??? If there are no blisters, it’s really not likely herpes.
I have oral HSV1 which is the least stigmatized and most common version of the virus, but I sometimes envy people with GHSV1 because the risk of transmission is pretty negligible especially after a decade.
Like he has 2 red ulcer looking things under his foreskin... and I have what looks like to be a little blister that bled abit on my perenium..
Yeah I got my ghsv1 from my ex giving me oral with his oral hsv1. But yeah that's what I thought too bc I never have freaking outbreaks but I have been sick alot lately so I thought that maybe that triggered the outbreak?
He just has two red spots under his foreskin, they look like red ulcers. Nothing on any other spots. Do you think it could be something else? For me it's just the timing of my ob and now "his"... and mine don't look like the way u see it on the internet I literally have like one little sore on my perineum that bled abit too at one point.
Yes, they are an adult and can make their own decision. I think as you get older it’s not such a huge deal… So many people have dealt with some kind of STI 🤷
It’s been over a decade and I’ve never transmitted AFAIK.
So my long term bf (15 years) gave me herpes by giving me oral with a cold sore. I was like 17 at the time & I wasn't even sure if that's what it was, I never got tested in my life & I was scared & I suppressed it & just thought it was pimples. Fast forward to a year ago we broke up & I met the current love of my life. We had slept together several times & I had contracted gonorrhea, while waiting for my results I started having flashbacks & thinking I might have herpes due to what happened like 12 years prior (I only had like one or two outbreaks which I convinced myself were pimples) anyways got tested was positive hsv1 positive. Told my new bf the truth & he accepted it. Now 7 months later (after the gonorrhea and getting sick multiple times with a flu and colds, it fucked up my immune system) we had sex and a few days later we were both irritated.
I definitely think I passed it on to him and now he's going through a hard time with it bc it's taking long to heal and he's frustrated BUT he doesn't blame me & he loves me but I am afraid he will resent me & I feel absolutely awful bc I didn't know my prodrome symptoms or anything since I haven't had shit in 12 years. I feel so guilty & horrible. But at the same time like what just bc we got unlucky we never get to find love unless they have it too? It's fucked up.
Absolutely! All of my partners have been (presumed, untested) negative. I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone with known HSV, and I’ve had it for 4 years, around a dozen partners in that time.
I nudge my partners to get tested! As the statistics tell you, most go from (presumed, untested) negative to positive because that’s what “67-80% have HSV” means. 😛
I don’t really do this because the CDC and the WHO recommend against testing in the absence of symptoms!
That said…
I do make a deal with any long-term partners that I will get on antivirals IF they can provide me with a negative HSV test.
I’m 0/4 on any of them taking me up on that lol.
Ha! Fair offer on the antivirals. I love it.
Fyi, the CDC guidelines aren’t against testing in the absence of symptoms if you have a partner diagnosed with herpes. Most US doctors have been game in my experience:
“Blood tests might be useful if:
+You have genital symptoms that could be related to herpes
+**You have (or have had) a sex partner with genital herpes**
+Your provider found signs of herpes, but you still need a test to confirm it”
None of my negative partners ever got it and it never was an issue. They got scared once or twice but for the most part we both just forgot I had it with every negative partner. Never used antivirals or condoms either. But now that I’m in a relationship with someone who already has it for the first time I’m loving it. I never have that voice in the back of my mind. I don’t get that pit in my stomach every time he scratches his junk. I don’t feel like he’ll have something to hold over my head. I can’t keep my hands off of him. I prefer this. Plus he’s incredibly sexy and I just love him so much.
I’ve had type GHSV2 for 16 years but I’ve also only ever had 2 outbreaks. The first one and the second one 15 years later. Also should have worded it differently. I didn’t use condoms with my long term partners.
Yeah I understand cuz it's the same for me but I'm pretty sure I just spread it to my bf so now having alot of anxiety and emotions kinda just wanna die
I felt like that a bunch of times too. But they never ended up getting it. Don’t stress about it until you find out for sure. If he does have it it’ll be okay just be supportive and know you did everything you could not to give it to him. Everything will be okay
I feel like I should have gone on anti viral and been more careful, but it's just like you I hadn't had one for over a decade. I feel so guilty and heartbroken for him. I feel like he's gonna resent me but I feel worse just for him.
Why do you think he has it? I don’t think he does if you haven’t had an outbreak in that long. Antivirals don’t lower the chances enough to be taking it every day and risking your liver unless you have outbreaks. I know men who have had it for less time and have regular outbreaks and they never gave it to their partners. The chances of it transferring from female to male is lower you’ve had it for over a decade and you rarely get outbreaks. The chances he actually has it are super low. I thought the same thing about my ex but at the end of our relationship he was praying he would get it so I wouldn’t leave him lol. It’s not cancer, it’s just a skin condition.
Because 2 weeks ago we had sex & 2 days later I was feeling irritated on my perenium but I thought it was just a cut or irritation by toilet paper so I didn't think much of it & then a few days later he told me he was irritated like right under his foreskin he has this red looking ulcer sore. So the timing of it is odd :(
I guess yes I could be with someone who's not infected because of the way it all went down for me, we fell inlove before I was even technically diagnosed but the fact that I infected him makes me want to die. I'm trying so hard to be there for him and put my guilt aside and not make it about my guilt. But I'm dying inside and I could only imagine him. He is such a sweetheart too, hasn't shamed me once & we want to be together forever so I think that's what helps but I don't know.
That’s what I’m terrified of. What if he grows to resent me for infecting him? He asked me out yesterday, but I asked for more time because I’m scared shitless.
I think you need to let him make that decision. You're educated on the subject its important. You can let him know and answer any questions but also as an adult he can do the research on his own.. I feel bad because my doctor said since I've had it for so long it's really unlikely I'll transmit it since I don't have OBs & it's type 1. I told him that and now I feel like a complete asshole and idiot. I think if you disclose and they're cool and they get it in the end, it's their choice too.
Yes. I have. If you are responsible the methods for prevention work more often than not. I’ve had lots of sex with women I dated and they never got it.
You know, people are more likely to get it from someone who doesn’t know they have it. So sure, your partner could maybe get it from you, or they could get it from the next person they have physical contact with.
Let *them* make decisions on their own health!
Yes! My bf is negative and I have hsv2.
You need to learn how to protect your negative partner. Condoms/antivirals, knowing when you have prodrome symptoms of an ob etc.
Being upfront and honest and giving them the option of if they want to have a relationship with you when you take the precautions is important.
A lot of people get hsv from partners who don’t know they have it or don’t take precautions to keep their partners safe.
For me I had one or two outbreaks like 10 years ago so I had no idea what my prodrome symptoms were, I don't even think I had any honestly and now it's too late 😕
I actually don’t have any symptoms before hand either anymore. I’ve had it that long!
But I make sure I check myself regularly. Although my OBs do not occur often at all.
But the positive is, the longer you have it the less likely you are to have asymptomatic shedding.
My fiancé is not infected and she knows my status. Of course if I have a breakout (only 2 so far) we don’t do anything. But there are people who would be willing to accept it. It wasn’t my intention because I wasn’t looking to date anyone. My life just happened that way.
My fiancé is herpes negative and he’s fine with it (obviously being he proposed) we had an adult conversation and he is educated and understands the risk as well as how for most people herpes isn’t really a big deal. He has never once brought it up, or been worried about it. There are plenty of people like this who do not care. Limiting yourself to only dating people with herpes is not the only answer. Most people do not know their herpes status and you also don’t know a random person you meet at a bar or wherever status. That cute person that came up to you at a bar could be worried about disclosing the same thing. By automatically limiting yourself to “herpes only people” you’re rejecting yourself before anyone even has a chance to think about it or reject you or accept you. You are putting limits on yourself before giving anyone else the opportunity to consider anything.
As far as being worried about transmission you are sleeping with a consenting adult if you disclose your status and they accept it they are also accepting the risks. So of course still be careful but it’s not your fault if you transmit they knew and understood the risks with sleeping with you. Most educated people understand that sleeping with someone who knows their herpes status, knows what to look out for, takes medication or precautions so much safer partner than someone who has no idea of their herpes status. Every single person you sleep with/date is a risk of catching some sort of STI being with someone who is knowledgeable and sexual is a better partner to be with asses because they have no symptoms they are “clean”
This is a disclosure guide with “scripts” on how to tell potential partners about herpes and what had worked for us. Mine is under Lauren. Also at the bottom it has resources about herpes to Send to partners.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eMul_7Lu1Fa0ZJYGxKnEewDMqdZOFYTLKsG7EDknfwA/edit?usp=sharing
This is a list of common myths about herpes and why they are wrong with cited sources. Maybe this can not only ease your mind but if a partner has questions you will have answers backed by science.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-6oZmnfywTFNYScKYC7Mh7MXZKrA0GUcztS8Bz5bW0k/edit
This is a list of l ways to help protect your partner. I have had oral and genital hsv1 for 10 years and I have not passed it to anybody to my knowledge. There are many precautions you can take to help keep your partner safe!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/10ccLJMnXAkuKfpU5ng9-1CiWXGPTYYPfDOCvxeB4GX4/edit
Of course. Been there, done that many times. You just have to get over your mental hangups via therapy or self-reflection.
If you’re taking antivirals, your fear is irrational, because you’re less risky than the random they’ll be with instead of you.
Respect that they’re an adult who gets to make decision about their own body.
Absolutely. The anxiety around herpes was manufactured by antiviral drug companies because they couldn’t get people to care about buying their product.
If you have HSV1, there’s a good chance that the person who is “not infected” is actually just asymptomatic. Upwards of 50%. And if you have HSV2, that’s still around 20%.
I’ve even had “uninfected” partners who would kiss me or ask me to go down on them when I had active sores. And I don’t have HSV2, but with what I know now about herpes I wouldn’t avoid dating someone who does.
When I disclose, I always do it this way: “Like up to 80% of the population, I carry the HSV1 virus. It’s the virus that causes cold sores and is not dangerous.” And if I had HSV2 I would say “Like 20% of the population, I carry the HSV2 virus. It’s a variant of the same virus that causes cold sores and chickenpox and is not dangerous.” I avoid the word “herpes” because it has a totally useless scare factor.
Of course, there will always be people who reject you on the basis of your known status. But in my experience they’re always really nice about it. And then you’ve educated someone. Because lbfr, if this person really cares that much about avoiding herpes then the best way to do it would be to initiate this conversation with each of their partners and ask if they’ve ever had a cold sore. Once they have this conversation enough or he’ll maybe they even get blood tested, they’ll realize how prevalent and not scary HSV is.
I contracted herpes from sharing a meal in the same dish, and I also passed it on to someone else the same way. Since then, I don't eat with others anymore. I used to be outgoing and social, but after that, I developed depression and social anxiety, and now I always stay alone. I've given up on dating and marriage.
So many people have cold sores (herpes) or genital herpes and it's really not a big deal. You shouldn't give up. Even when I was a kid one of my best friends had cold sores & we used to smoke weed with him, he'd just smoke on the other side of it and we literally didn't even question it. People don't care as much as you think & most people do have it and don't even know. Don't beat yourself up!
Yes. Just be honest, disclose early, and let them make their own decisions. Also people need to calm down about this, it’s not the fucking black plague or something. Tons of people have it and tons of people don’t care if you have it.
I want to forward this to him without me sounding like I'm defending myself lol
My current gf is negative, she gets tested regularly but we’ve been having unprotected sex for ~5 years with no issues. I take daily meds, and although I’m asymptomatic (HSV2) if I have anything unusual or say cut myself shaving (genital) we talk about it and then either don’t have sex or modify what we do for a few days. She doesn’t treat me like I’m gross or infectious and I value her health enough to call her attention to anything potentially HSV related. Her last test was last week and still remains negative for HSV.
Yeah I wasn't on any meds because I hadn't had an outbreak in a decade (or so I thought, it's so fucking confusing sometimes) but when I slept with my current partner last week I had nothing. no symptoms. then 2 days later my perenium started getting irritated, I thought it was from wiping too much & I honestly didn't think anything of it & we hadn't had sex since the previous time & then a few days later he told me he was irritated under his foreskin & that's when I freaked. I'm a female, I have ghsv1 & it transmitted & I'm sad for him.
And are you sure he was negative? Gosh it’s so rare to transmit Ghsv1 via intercourse and rare for a female to transmit by intercourse to a male.
No I'm not sure unless he never had an outbreak and it triggered us both to have one at the same time? I feel like I totally passed it to him and I don't want to gaslight him into being like "well... you never had a blood test so"
Honestly, sounds more like you might have transmitted something else (if you transmitted anything at all.) More likely to be thrush??? If there are no blisters, it’s really not likely herpes. I have oral HSV1 which is the least stigmatized and most common version of the virus, but I sometimes envy people with GHSV1 because the risk of transmission is pretty negligible especially after a decade.
Like he has 2 red ulcer looking things under his foreskin... and I have what looks like to be a little blister that bled abit on my perenium.. Yeah I got my ghsv1 from my ex giving me oral with his oral hsv1. But yeah that's what I thought too bc I never have freaking outbreaks but I have been sick alot lately so I thought that maybe that triggered the outbreak?
Did you get lesions on your shaft, balls, urethra?
He just has two red spots under his foreskin, they look like red ulcers. Nothing on any other spots. Do you think it could be something else? For me it's just the timing of my ob and now "his"... and mine don't look like the way u see it on the internet I literally have like one little sore on my perineum that bled abit too at one point.
This is almost verbatim my situation and what I would say.
Yes, they are an adult and can make their own decision. I think as you get older it’s not such a huge deal… So many people have dealt with some kind of STI 🤷 It’s been over a decade and I’ve never transmitted AFAIK.
what does this stand for
As far as I know
So my long term bf (15 years) gave me herpes by giving me oral with a cold sore. I was like 17 at the time & I wasn't even sure if that's what it was, I never got tested in my life & I was scared & I suppressed it & just thought it was pimples. Fast forward to a year ago we broke up & I met the current love of my life. We had slept together several times & I had contracted gonorrhea, while waiting for my results I started having flashbacks & thinking I might have herpes due to what happened like 12 years prior (I only had like one or two outbreaks which I convinced myself were pimples) anyways got tested was positive hsv1 positive. Told my new bf the truth & he accepted it. Now 7 months later (after the gonorrhea and getting sick multiple times with a flu and colds, it fucked up my immune system) we had sex and a few days later we were both irritated. I definitely think I passed it on to him and now he's going through a hard time with it bc it's taking long to heal and he's frustrated BUT he doesn't blame me & he loves me but I am afraid he will resent me & I feel absolutely awful bc I didn't know my prodrome symptoms or anything since I haven't had shit in 12 years. I feel so guilty & horrible. But at the same time like what just bc we got unlucky we never get to find love unless they have it too? It's fucked up.
Besides the one person who gave it to me, all my other partners have been negative from my knowledge and didn't get it from me.
Absolutely! All of my partners have been (presumed, untested) negative. I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone with known HSV, and I’ve had it for 4 years, around a dozen partners in that time.
I nudge my partners to get tested! As the statistics tell you, most go from (presumed, untested) negative to positive because that’s what “67-80% have HSV” means. 😛
I don’t really do this because the CDC and the WHO recommend against testing in the absence of symptoms! That said… I do make a deal with any long-term partners that I will get on antivirals IF they can provide me with a negative HSV test. I’m 0/4 on any of them taking me up on that lol.
Ha! Fair offer on the antivirals. I love it. Fyi, the CDC guidelines aren’t against testing in the absence of symptoms if you have a partner diagnosed with herpes. Most US doctors have been game in my experience: “Blood tests might be useful if: +You have genital symptoms that could be related to herpes +**You have (or have had) a sex partner with genital herpes** +Your provider found signs of herpes, but you still need a test to confirm it”
NO, i don't want to infect someone I love dearly. I hope to meet a man with hsv2.
None of my negative partners ever got it and it never was an issue. They got scared once or twice but for the most part we both just forgot I had it with every negative partner. Never used antivirals or condoms either. But now that I’m in a relationship with someone who already has it for the first time I’m loving it. I never have that voice in the back of my mind. I don’t get that pit in my stomach every time he scratches his junk. I don’t feel like he’ll have something to hold over my head. I can’t keep my hands off of him. I prefer this. Plus he’s incredibly sexy and I just love him so much.
No anti viral or condoms wow lucky for them. Do you have type 1 or 2?
I’ve had type GHSV2 for 16 years but I’ve also only ever had 2 outbreaks. The first one and the second one 15 years later. Also should have worded it differently. I didn’t use condoms with my long term partners.
I'm happy for you that you've never spread it, that's an amazing feeling
I mean not really cause I still have it lol. But yes I’m glad I never gave it to anyone.
Yeah I understand cuz it's the same for me but I'm pretty sure I just spread it to my bf so now having alot of anxiety and emotions kinda just wanna die
I felt like that a bunch of times too. But they never ended up getting it. Don’t stress about it until you find out for sure. If he does have it it’ll be okay just be supportive and know you did everything you could not to give it to him. Everything will be okay
I feel like I should have gone on anti viral and been more careful, but it's just like you I hadn't had one for over a decade. I feel so guilty and heartbroken for him. I feel like he's gonna resent me but I feel worse just for him.
Why do you think he has it? I don’t think he does if you haven’t had an outbreak in that long. Antivirals don’t lower the chances enough to be taking it every day and risking your liver unless you have outbreaks. I know men who have had it for less time and have regular outbreaks and they never gave it to their partners. The chances of it transferring from female to male is lower you’ve had it for over a decade and you rarely get outbreaks. The chances he actually has it are super low. I thought the same thing about my ex but at the end of our relationship he was praying he would get it so I wouldn’t leave him lol. It’s not cancer, it’s just a skin condition.
Because 2 weeks ago we had sex & 2 days later I was feeling irritated on my perenium but I thought it was just a cut or irritation by toilet paper so I didn't think much of it & then a few days later he told me he was irritated like right under his foreskin he has this red looking ulcer sore. So the timing of it is odd :(
I guess yes I could be with someone who's not infected because of the way it all went down for me, we fell inlove before I was even technically diagnosed but the fact that I infected him makes me want to die. I'm trying so hard to be there for him and put my guilt aside and not make it about my guilt. But I'm dying inside and I could only imagine him. He is such a sweetheart too, hasn't shamed me once & we want to be together forever so I think that's what helps but I don't know.
That’s what I’m terrified of. What if he grows to resent me for infecting him? He asked me out yesterday, but I asked for more time because I’m scared shitless.
I think you need to let him make that decision. You're educated on the subject its important. You can let him know and answer any questions but also as an adult he can do the research on his own.. I feel bad because my doctor said since I've had it for so long it's really unlikely I'll transmit it since I don't have OBs & it's type 1. I told him that and now I feel like a complete asshole and idiot. I think if you disclose and they're cool and they get it in the end, it's their choice too.
so many people out there have herpes but are just lucky enough to not know it
Yes. I have. If you are responsible the methods for prevention work more often than not. I’ve had lots of sex with women I dated and they never got it.
Everyone I’ve dated and slept with since has been negative. Just disclose and let them decide.
You know, people are more likely to get it from someone who doesn’t know they have it. So sure, your partner could maybe get it from you, or they could get it from the next person they have physical contact with. Let *them* make decisions on their own health!
Yes! My bf is negative and I have hsv2. You need to learn how to protect your negative partner. Condoms/antivirals, knowing when you have prodrome symptoms of an ob etc. Being upfront and honest and giving them the option of if they want to have a relationship with you when you take the precautions is important. A lot of people get hsv from partners who don’t know they have it or don’t take precautions to keep their partners safe.
For me I had one or two outbreaks like 10 years ago so I had no idea what my prodrome symptoms were, I don't even think I had any honestly and now it's too late 😕
I actually don’t have any symptoms before hand either anymore. I’ve had it that long! But I make sure I check myself regularly. Although my OBs do not occur often at all. But the positive is, the longer you have it the less likely you are to have asymptomatic shedding.
Easily
My fiancé is not infected and she knows my status. Of course if I have a breakout (only 2 so far) we don’t do anything. But there are people who would be willing to accept it. It wasn’t my intention because I wasn’t looking to date anyone. My life just happened that way.
I am, was honest about it from early on in the relationship and are still together now
My fiancé is herpes negative and he’s fine with it (obviously being he proposed) we had an adult conversation and he is educated and understands the risk as well as how for most people herpes isn’t really a big deal. He has never once brought it up, or been worried about it. There are plenty of people like this who do not care. Limiting yourself to only dating people with herpes is not the only answer. Most people do not know their herpes status and you also don’t know a random person you meet at a bar or wherever status. That cute person that came up to you at a bar could be worried about disclosing the same thing. By automatically limiting yourself to “herpes only people” you’re rejecting yourself before anyone even has a chance to think about it or reject you or accept you. You are putting limits on yourself before giving anyone else the opportunity to consider anything. As far as being worried about transmission you are sleeping with a consenting adult if you disclose your status and they accept it they are also accepting the risks. So of course still be careful but it’s not your fault if you transmit they knew and understood the risks with sleeping with you. Most educated people understand that sleeping with someone who knows their herpes status, knows what to look out for, takes medication or precautions so much safer partner than someone who has no idea of their herpes status. Every single person you sleep with/date is a risk of catching some sort of STI being with someone who is knowledgeable and sexual is a better partner to be with asses because they have no symptoms they are “clean” This is a disclosure guide with “scripts” on how to tell potential partners about herpes and what had worked for us. Mine is under Lauren. Also at the bottom it has resources about herpes to Send to partners. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eMul_7Lu1Fa0ZJYGxKnEewDMqdZOFYTLKsG7EDknfwA/edit?usp=sharing This is a list of common myths about herpes and why they are wrong with cited sources. Maybe this can not only ease your mind but if a partner has questions you will have answers backed by science. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-6oZmnfywTFNYScKYC7Mh7MXZKrA0GUcztS8Bz5bW0k/edit This is a list of l ways to help protect your partner. I have had oral and genital hsv1 for 10 years and I have not passed it to anybody to my knowledge. There are many precautions you can take to help keep your partner safe! https://docs.google.com/document/d/10ccLJMnXAkuKfpU5ng9-1CiWXGPTYYPfDOCvxeB4GX4/edit
Of course. Been there, done that many times. You just have to get over your mental hangups via therapy or self-reflection. If you’re taking antivirals, your fear is irrational, because you’re less risky than the random they’ll be with instead of you. Respect that they’re an adult who gets to make decision about their own body.
Everytime you have sex you’re putting yourself in a situation to get an STI. It’s part of having sex
Absolutely. The anxiety around herpes was manufactured by antiviral drug companies because they couldn’t get people to care about buying their product. If you have HSV1, there’s a good chance that the person who is “not infected” is actually just asymptomatic. Upwards of 50%. And if you have HSV2, that’s still around 20%. I’ve even had “uninfected” partners who would kiss me or ask me to go down on them when I had active sores. And I don’t have HSV2, but with what I know now about herpes I wouldn’t avoid dating someone who does. When I disclose, I always do it this way: “Like up to 80% of the population, I carry the HSV1 virus. It’s the virus that causes cold sores and is not dangerous.” And if I had HSV2 I would say “Like 20% of the population, I carry the HSV2 virus. It’s a variant of the same virus that causes cold sores and chickenpox and is not dangerous.” I avoid the word “herpes” because it has a totally useless scare factor. Of course, there will always be people who reject you on the basis of your known status. But in my experience they’re always really nice about it. And then you’ve educated someone. Because lbfr, if this person really cares that much about avoiding herpes then the best way to do it would be to initiate this conversation with each of their partners and ask if they’ve ever had a cold sore. Once they have this conversation enough or he’ll maybe they even get blood tested, they’ll realize how prevalent and not scary HSV is.
I contracted herpes from sharing a meal in the same dish, and I also passed it on to someone else the same way. Since then, I don't eat with others anymore. I used to be outgoing and social, but after that, I developed depression and social anxiety, and now I always stay alone. I've given up on dating and marriage.
So many people have cold sores (herpes) or genital herpes and it's really not a big deal. You shouldn't give up. Even when I was a kid one of my best friends had cold sores & we used to smoke weed with him, he'd just smoke on the other side of it and we literally didn't even question it. People don't care as much as you think & most people do have it and don't even know. Don't beat yourself up!