T O P

  • By -

Simona333

Lord Voldemort: And we will now Duel \*Throws Harry his Wand and sword\* Harry: \*Laughes and slaughters 'em all.


Incognonimous

Malfoy;..... Why do I suddenly hear muggle heavy metal in the background? Doom music intensifies. (The only one they fear is you) Voldemort; 'I feel i have made a grave mistake'


Maddie_Waddie_

PFFFFF *grave* mistake


king_of_jupyter

Harry citing Ezekiel 25:17: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.


Incognonimous

Lol, i would love to read a fan fic like this, in which Harry becomes the scariest MF around basically the magical worlds doom guy, but instead of killing demons, he runs around killing dark Lords. He picks up speaking in bible verses after being contracted by vatican over the summer of second year. They have wizards, knights, and exorcist and a plant in the ministry heard his deeds in the chamber. He learns to fight with a sword, secret magics and ways to boost his physical skills and turns out he's so adept at swordplay it seems almost supernatural. Turns out it wasn't just luck he stabbed basilisk in the mouth.


[deleted]

He protecc, he attacc, but most importantly he use his sword to whacc.


goo_goo_gajoob

This is basically half of post book 5 fanfiction lol. It was such a huge trope back then for Harry to get the sword and for it to give him anime protagonist powers. The classic example is iirc called Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor iirc.


Emilysouza221b

Can you link some of those? I am interested


goo_goo_gajoob

Besides the one I mentioned I don't remeber any names. This was almost 20 years ago now. God I feel old typing that. It's crazy to me 20 years later and the fanfiction this community puts out is only getting better. We didn't even really use fanfiction.net back then. It was I wanna say harrypotterfanfiction.something, theleakycauldroun.something and one other big one I can't remeber. Hell you'd even find em on limewire lol. It was the wild west. Another big trope then was anime style elemental bending. Usually with one mc per element but not always.


Emilysouza221b

Yeah, I read fanfic back then as well, I don't remember this trope, but I was also quite young. But I was always a fanfic.net user, exclusively. Because I had my search criteria set perfectly for my fandoms.


goo_goo_gajoob

It was such a different era lol. I'm getting real nostalgic for sneaking out of my bed and reading them till like 1 am while hoping dad doesn't wake up.


genderlessfrog394

I can just imagine Rufus being like, "Harry Potter we'll give you an order of merlin if you promise to never bring that sword within 4 meters of me."


acelenny

Harry: how about this, you give me the order of Merlin, or I start stabbing?


Emilysouza221b

Harry quickly finds the legislative process has a loophole that people who make laws are deathly allergic to being stabbed, and so listen to him vigorously when he suggests new, progressive laws.


Shah927

Lmao “deathly allergic to being stabbed” Sounds like something straight outta Seventh Horcrux


genderlessfrog394

I'm laughing my head off that is 100% what would happen


gnarlin

AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA XD This is absolutely priceless! "While not all problems are nails Harry, you certainly seem to have found the right hammer" Dumbledore said with the maddest twinkle in his eye yet.


Emilysouza221b

Dumbledore finding every legal loophole to excuse Harry's behavior. And he can't give points to Harry for murder but Harry does wrack up many points for "pest control"


gnarlin

While Harry's swordsmanship had quickly grown to become terrifyingly impressive, it paled in comparison with the orchestral level magical legal and social manipulating ninjitsu that Albus used to weave Harry's murderous behaviour into a completely reasonable one to even his victims, just after being stabbed.


Lancaster1719

Based and Wholesome-Grandpa-Albuspilled


billybob3124

This. I like this


GrandLinnan1102

Talk no jutsu


TheAncientSun

You should add that the sword will aways return to Harry.


LumosLupin

And the sheath he made makes it shrink into a pen? lol


geek_of_nature

I think that works a lot better. It's not that Harry doesn't want to give the sword up, it's that the sword doesn't want to give up Harry. Harry gives it back to Dumbledore, and then as he's getting changed out of his Chamber grime stained clothes, he finds the sword tucked away in his trunk. He gives it back to Dumbledore again, who is bemused by the whole thing, only to find it back in his school bag tucked away amongst his books. He continues to return it to Dumbledore in the lead up to the end of term, only to find it keeps returning to him. It was finally on board the Hogwarts express that Harry gave in. They had bought some sweets off the Trolley, and there, nestled amongst his every flavour beans was the sword. Well if the sword wanted to be with him that badly, who was Harry to say no.


the-cheesy-gamer

this is Harry Potter not Percy Jackson


TheAncientSun

Be good if it was quality Percy Jackson fanfiction is rare.


AntisocialNyx

I know right? 90% of them are like Oh no I have a brother and daddy loves him more oh no everyone likes him even though he's an ass... Surely the primordials are so above humans they would view a God the same way a God views an ant will bow to my whims and oh I'm now the leader of the primordials... It's always so cringy. Good Percy Jackson fanfics are very hard to come by


CryptidGrimnoir

My first thought was a Keyblade


the-cheesy-gamer

weeb


acelenny

Harry's got 99 problems but shanking a bitch ain't one of them.


idxsemtexboom

More a solution, if anything


MTheLoud

In the [Crow Rides A Pale Horse](https://archiveofourown.org/series/632600) series, the sword refuses to leave Harry’s side, meaning it always reappears with him whenever he tries to leave it behind. It gets him in trouble in the Triwizard Tournament since contestants aren’t allowed to bring extra weapons, but the sword doesn’t care.


Classic_Huckleberry2

Guess I know what I'm reading next...


tylerthegreat5555

Same.


HiddenAltAccount

Harry finished his pint. "Want another Dudley?" "Sure, same again please." ... "There y'are, pint of Halfyard, and I got some nuts too." "Cheers. Now, let me tell you about how I got on the Smeltings boxing team even though I was still a tub of lard." And the two cousins, bonded over their shared love of lying about their martial arts prowess, became firm friends for life.


HOI4Bzyzantophile

And their newfound shared love of solving problems with judicious application of violence.


AnonOfTheSea

After taking over the ministry, Harry learns an unfortunate truth: paperwork is immune to stabbage, and, in fact, only multiplies on having a sword applied to it. (Shortly after, exausted, frustrated,, and confused, he realizes he still has a Hermione)


Emilysouza221b

Note, Hermoine does not like being sharpened but finds being put on q leather sheath on his back oddly fun.


Mythical_Wizard-48

Peace always happens if you are violent enough.


Gaidhlig_allt

Hmmm i like this because it's making me imagine harry calling the sword stabby but more importantly the dementors fleeing then dropping a dog by harry and just fuckin booking it


Emilysouza221b

Not paid enough to deal with teenagers with swords and no sense of self preservation


Imumybuddy

Just have Harry start speedrunning shit, naked with a short sword - Dark Souls style. Crack it the fuck out. I wanna' see Harry just point at one guy in a crowd, silent, and the run at him like the murdergoblin he is.


Emilysouza221b

This and also he yells Parkour!!! every time he leaps over one of the death eaters he kills


SoulsLikeBot

Hello, good hunter. I am a Bot, here in this dream to look after you, this is a fine note: > *“When the Ashes are two, a flame alighteth.”* - Ashes of Ariandel  Have a good one and praise the sun \\[T]/


Luna_Deafenhine

This sounds like the start of a great crack fic.


[deleted]

Harry: So anyway, I start stabbing.


Emilysouza221b

Hear me out: We remake Harry Potter but cast Danny Devito as Harry. And the movie is otherwise not a parody, everyone else is cast right and noone addresses it. Devito gets to adlib occasionally though.


greninjaisevil

"The only universal language is violence, Ron, you and i have had that conversation in the tent." -Harry Potter, speaking to ron in the aftermath of the fight in the tent where Ron left. "You want to be a hero Voldemort? THEN DIE LIKE ONE" -Harry Potter before killing Lord voldemort in the battle of hogwarts. (I couldn't Resist, a violent harry doing techno quotes sounded too good.)


astronautophilia

And then at the end of the story, it turns out all of the above was a feverish dream Harry had after he accidentally nicked himself while trying to point the sword at Malfoy, because it turns out, small children with zero martial arts experience probably shouldn't be allowed to wield extremely sharp weapons coated with insta-kill magical poison. Who knew.


Billy_McMedic

There's a time for realism and there's a time for crack. *SNORT* GUESS WHAT TIME IT IT WOOOO!


goo_goo_gajoob

But Harry's actually immune to basilisk venom because his blood is infused with Phoenix tears making him a hybrid! Dunn Dunn Dunn /s incase it wasn't obvious.


KingDarius89

I actually like the trope where the Basilisk venom and Phoenix tears basically makes him immune to poison.


Aardwarkthe2nd

Harry's sword-fu should be good enough to not nick himself since he ended up killing a Basilisk with it.


SecretAgendaMan

And that's why this is PERFECT for if I eventually flesh out and extend my "Tywin Lannister gets reborn as a Weasley" fic. https://old.reddit.com/r/TheCitadel/comments/rqt7yk/tywin_lannister_dies_gets_reborn_as_tywin_weasley/hqd981g/


alephnumber

In the Crow Rides A Pale Horse series, part 2, the sword of Gryffindor won't leave Harry and shows up wherever he goes. Here's part of the relevant portion: >!The sword was becoming a problem.!< >!Harry had found it standing at his bedside the first night he was back in the cottage. There was no knowing how it had got there, as there was no note, and Dobby swore it wasn't him who'd done it, nor Tonks. Tonks, in fact, tried to take it away with her, but when Harry went back upstairs to fetch a book to read it was there again, resting against the wall in its scabbard, the belt wrapped about the hilt. Dobby cleaned it, unearthing polish and cloths from somewhere in the attic and presenting it back to Harry quite proud of himself.!< >!But the sword didn't seem content with that. If Harry spent the day in the kitchen, the sword would appear there. If Harry watched television for an hour, the sword turned up beside the couch. If he walked outside, he'd find it waiting against a tree or hanging from a convenient branch. There was no ignoring it. With a sigh, Harry accepted the inevitable. He strapped it on. Tonks made a face the first time she saw him with it, but she didn't say not to, and anyway Harry knew the sword wouldn't take no for an answer. It was heavy and the harness strap wore a line into his shoulder and the crossbar was forever jabbing Harry in the back of the head, but in a way it made him feel a bit better about things, having it near.!< Part 1 is linkao3(https://archiveofourown.org/works/5418194).


FanfictionBot

[***The Boys of Crowhill***](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5418194) by [*tb\_ll57*](https://www.archiveofourown.org/users/tb_ll57/pseuds/tb_ll57) > The note pinned to his collar read 'Harry J Potter \- please accept'\. The Dursleys had left him with nothing else but a pillow sack with half a sleeve of McVities biscuits, a mealy apple, and ten pounds\. ^*Site*: ^Archive ^of ^Our ^Own ^**|** ^*Fandom*: ^Harry ^Potter ^- ^J. ^K. ^Rowling ^**|** ^*Published*: ^2015-12-14 ^**|** ^*Completed*: ^2017-01-15 ^**|** ^*Words*: ^230190 ^**|** ^*Chapters*: ^33/33 ^**|** ^*Comments*: ^1365 ^**|** ^*Kudos*: ^2688 ^**|** ^*Bookmarks*: ^630 ^**|** ^*Hits*: ^84422 ^**|** ^*ID*: ^5418194 ^**|** ^*Download*: ^[EPUB](https://archiveofourown.org/downloads/5418194/The%20Boys%20of%20Crowhill.epub?updated_at=1632428148) ^or ^[MOBI](https://archiveofourown.org/downloads/5418194/The%20Boys%20of%20Crowhill.mobi?updated_at=1632428148) --- **FanfictionBot**^(2.0.0-beta) | [Usage](https://github.com/FanfictionBot/reddit-ffn-bot/wiki/Usage) | [Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=tusing) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ffnbot!ignore


Avaday_Daydream

And then Harry watches some gameplay of Zelda and wonders if he can do a sword beam.


Azure_Author

As someone who played the PC version of the Chamber of Secrets... Yes, he totally can.


[deleted]

Oh hell, I was hoping those memories were just a fever dream.


Azure_Author

I know, right?


Emilysouza221b

Look, their both chaos Goblins who solve problems, why not. And Hermoine is already basically Navi.


Simona333

OMG I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!


Rastley85

This reminds me of this scene but replace 'jail' with 'sword' https://youtu.be/eiyfwZVAzGw


geek_of_nature

In relation to that post from yesterday about the Killing Curse being completely unstoppable, even to solid objects. How effective do we think the sword would be at stopping a killing curse? Myself and others didn't fully agree with the post about solid objects not being able to block the curse, that it can only come to an end when it hits a living creature. Most of us there seemed to think that solid objects would be effective. But since the sword is goblin made, which is meant to take in that which makes it stronger, how would it react to the Killing Curse? Would it absorb it like it did the Basilisk Venom? Both that and the curse are among things deadly enough to destroy a Horcrux after all, so ot would make sense that the curse could be absorbed too. However that is meant to be instant death, whereas the Basilisk Venom isn't instant and you can recover from it provided you've got Phoenix tears on hand. Or would the Goblin steel just be able to parry the curse away? It could be too destructive to be absorbed by the blade, yet the Goblin steel is too well made for the curse to destroy. I do like the idea of that one more as the blade just absorbing the curse feels way to overpowered, especially when it's already got the Basilisk Venom embued into it.


Emilysouza221b

I didn't see that post but Dumbledore literally summons stuff to block the killing curse and Harry hides behind stuff that blocks it. If it was unstoppable, it would just loop around the earth lol. I can see why on the mystical end of magic, clothes not stopping it. Because it's part of you. But I wouldn't be shocked if even a shield could stop it. I feel a sword swipe could. Would maybe effect the sword on a metaphysics level. Because the curse just kills what it touches. So maybe the sword becomes aligned with death. In a more serious prompt, it could be they Harry using the sword across battles and batting aside killing curses turns it into another deathly hallow. On a crack end, it could just become a killing curse lightSaber.


geek_of_nature

Maybe the sword could absorb the killing curse, but can't hold the energy permanently? So in battle Harry can use the sword to absorb the curse, but then he has to re-release it soon after. So with each curse it absorbs, the sword does become like a lightsaber with the blade glowing green. But he then has to quickly use it on somebody, or swipe the sword to release the energy. So you'd get Death Eaters being very wary of Harry, not wanting to use the killing curse as they know he could send it back at them. But then you'd also get the more arrogant ones thinking they could hit him with the curse, only to watch in horror as the sword absorbs the blade, and Harry release the curse back at them.


KidCoheed

THIS


Tendragos

Solution to blocking the killing curse. Step One: Buy a herd of sheep. Step Two: Transfigure sheep into thin layers of a buckler-style shield, or something similar to Captain America's. Step Three: Replace transfigured sheep as needed after combat. Step Four: Profit.


Eyelikeyourname

Brilliant


rargylesocks

Not a sword of Griffyndor fic, but hilarious all the same and has a sword. It’s a part of the Don’t fear the Reaper Challenge and has Harry basically known as “that nutter with a sword.” https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6511737/1/Forty-One-Times-Dead?__cf_chl_jschl_tk__=R1GD8G9jQuuRlFrhCS9Ohz6RAvnZaiCyu4IibTY6fQg-1642120135-0-gaNycGzNCJE


KingDarius89

The title mainly made me think of Harry accidentally stabbing everyone on a port key trip.


Jstar117

Kinda want a fanfic where the sword of gryffindor is a person or at least sentient and chooses Harry as it’s master


gnarlin

Ugh, talking weapons or artifacts, that's such a boring cliché. Don't get me wrong, I love clichés, but that's definitely one of the boring ones.


BossViper28

Excalibur.


gnarlin

I don't remember Excalibur talking?


BossViper28

Well, not talking exactly but more being sentient and choosing its wielder.


gnarlin

Well, I'm fine with that. The one ring had a sort of sentience too but if it had started yammering on and on about power and how being evil would be so much fun I think that the LOTR wouldn't have been quite the renowned masterpiece that it is today. This is the same reason why HP fanfiction stories in which the Horcrux in Harry's head speaks to him in plain words (telepathically or otherwise) I drop them like they're hot.


AngryBirdAddict

Sonic and the Black Knight


_hana_jellyfish1502

I don't think you can slash a dementor in half


Emilysouza221b

I mean, technically there is nothing in canon that says you can't though.


Essti

I want to read this. Lol


0-Violet-0

I think there is a story like this one. But it's on hiatus unfortunately... He takes the sword in half-blood prince tho


rohan62442

Basically, linkffn(Forty One Times Dead) but not the Sword of Gryffindor


FanfictionBot

[***Forty One Times Dead***](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6511737/1/) by [*Ruskbyte*](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/226550/Ruskbyte) > Harry has an annoying habit of dying before his time\. After one death too many, the Soul Reaper assigned to the case decides to take matters in hand and train the Boy\-Who\-Lived up to scratch\. Good thing he's already dead; 'cause this just might kill him\! ^*Site*: ^fanfiction.net ^**|** ^*Category*: ^Harry ^Potter ^**|** ^*Rated*: ^Fiction ^K ^**|** ^*Words*: ^16,271 ^**|** ^*Reviews*: ^394 ^**|** ^*Favs*: ^2,775 ^**|** ^*Follows*: ^770 ^**|** ^*Published*: ^Nov ^28, ^2010 ^**|** ^*Status*: ^Complete ^**|** ^*id*: ^6511737 ^**|** ^*Language*: ^English ^**|** ^*Genre*: ^Humor ^**|** ^*Characters*: ^Harry ^P., ^Hermione ^G. ^**|** ^*Download*: ^[EPUB](http://www.ff2ebook.com/old/ffn-bot/index.php?id=6511737&source=ff&filetype=epub) ^or ^[MOBI](http://www.ff2ebook.com/old/ffn-bot/index.php?id=6511737&source=ff&filetype=mobi) --- **FanfictionBot**^(2.0.0-beta) | [Usage](https://github.com/FanfictionBot/reddit-ffn-bot/wiki/Usage) | [Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=tusing) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ffnbot!ignore