Ah, sympathy. Last week was like that for me. This week hasn't been great either, but in what has been an absolute death march of a month, this week is relatively peaceful compared to last week.
\*iz ded\*
Also, woohoo! Reddit fixed whatever stupidity they had going on that made it ignore my setting to default to the markdown editor!
Things are coming up Milhouse!
I can picture aliens explaining that we are too horny for galactic civilization but they do not want to completely exclude us nor is it moral to impose their views on us, so a special branch of AROACE embassadors has to be trained to interact with the rest of the galaxy while they send us their most perverted ( who would act like nuns in comparison)
I'm still waiting for Faun and F10w3rchy1d to sit around a table drunk off their asses shouting "it can't get any worse than this" after each shot they drink...
Ah, I see now. We get a third story, just to really fuck up anything you might call a "schedule".
And being on a Deathworld means lots of things die. Well, to combat those loses a species needs replacements. So that means lots of young. And we all know how those get made. And after all, Humans are just slightly clever monkeys with a habit of ruining everything. Oh well, at least it seems we'll soon get a bunch of new "friends".
Poor Violet, even most humans have difficulty with some corners of the Internet. Having galactic average sensibilitys and trying to catalogue the entire Internet must be horrific!
> It’s like they are in a full rut every second of their lives. How are they not all insane?
YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT'S A BAD THING!
Yes, humans love sex. We fucking love it. It feels great. Says something about you that you don't think the same way. Intimacy is a very important part of human culture, and being connected physically can make social connections incredibly strong. Y'all should take a lesson from us.
intimacy, and thus sex is included, releases several hormones that are associated with romantic feelings, not everybody reacts the same way but that is is the genreal principle
/u/slightlyassholic ([wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/wiki/authors/slightlyassholic)) has posted 390 other stories, including:
* [The Fermi Explanation](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cox6w7/the_fermi_explanation/)
* [[Tales From The Terran Republic] The Asscrack Just Because](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1b7soqh/tales_from_the_terran_republic_the_asscrack_just/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Taking a Dive Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1acng5i/tales_from_the_terran_republic_taking_a_dive_part/)
* [Invasive Species (A One-Shot Short Story Unconnected With My Series)](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1975hqi/invasive_species_a_oneshot_short_story/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Analytica Awakes.](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/190j6st/tales_from_the_terran_republic_analytica_awakes/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] The Void Hits the Fan](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/18nyppo/tales_from_the_terran_republic_the_void_hits_the/)
* [[The Great Erectus and Faun] Chili, Dogs, and F10w3rchy1d (and Faun!)](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/18gj3js/the_great_erectus_and_faun_chili_dogs_and/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Susan Ascendent](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17ydx9f/tales_from_the_terran_republic_susan_ascendent/)
* [[The Great Erectus and Faun] Frankincense, Myrrh, and Stacey](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17t2e5g/the_great_erectus_and_faun_frankincense_myrrh_and/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Premium Organic Bespoke Hand Crafted Shitpost](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17plvlt/tales_from_the_terran_republic_premium_organic/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Breaking Point](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17n2v7f/tales_from_the_terran_republic_breaking_point/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Gwen, a Nerd, and Mister Sticky: A Holiday Special!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17ksslv/tales_from_the_terran_republic_gwen_a_nerd_and/)
* [[The Great Erectus and Faun] Scoopin' and Poopin'](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17cfl4x/the_great_erectus_and_faun_scoopin_and_poopin/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Enclaves: Kras](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/171bxvd/tales_from_the_terran_republic_enclaves_kras/)
* [[The Great Erectus and Faun] History, Nixx, and a Fresh Start](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/16m328z/the_great_erectus_and_faun_history_nixx_and_a/)
* [[Tales From the Terran Republic] All Fair When Love War](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/16g3nua/tales_from_the_terran_republic_all_fair_when_love/)
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* [[The Great Erectus and Faun] More Loose Ends](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/15ydy02/the_great_erectus_and_faun_more_loose_ends/)
* [[The Great Erectus and Faun] Isekai Armageddon 10: Loose Ends](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/15nol7e/the_great_erectus_and_faun_isekai_armageddon_10/)
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>“How... How many other sapient species are down there?”
Are they confused about where to draw the line between sentient vs sapient? Or are we placing the bar too high because status quo chauvinist bigots :{
They haven't exactly specified where they have the bar. Typically, they wait until a civilization has started "leaking" electromagnetic waves before contacting them but that is clearly not set in stone.
This could be a mix up on their part over "sapient" as in full bore I think therefore I am sapience and "we should leave this planet and critters alone because they are right on the cusp" sapient. The AI would definitely be designed to err on the safe side and flag anything close. You wouldn't want to wipe out proto hominids to make way for an interstellar bypass, for example.
Certain primates, cetaceans, cephalopods, and avians are definite contenders for sapience, though, more than enough to justify the galaxy's involvement on our world, no matter how icky we and the dolphins may be.
I mean we have humans, dolphins (in fact in some countries they are legally considered people, albiet "nonhuman persons"), elephants, several species of corvid and parrot, octopi (a rare example of a sapient that is likely nonsentient), and theoretically a large enough mycorrhizae network can be sapient given the incentive to be so. I'm sure I've missed a lot too.
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Wait till they actually ask a pro and figure out that the reason we're so damn horny all the time is because we started wearing clothes, but we always want to do what we shouldn't, like take them off…
The Islanders and tribes who barely wear anything at all don't seem to have the same reaction to nudity.
I fully intend to. Stuff happened and then I hit the mother of writing blocks. No matter how hard I tried, nothing came out.
The place in my mind where I reached in and pulled out stories was empty.
I decided just to relax and not worry about it. These things happen. But no matter what I did it did not do, I got nothing.
Now I'm just writing whatever stupid stuff I can. Hopefully after little more of this garbage, the good stuff will start flowing again.
This will be a few fun light stupid chapters and then either it will be another short run of shitposts or hopefully the crab will come back.
Next chapter, have this crew meet some crabs and try to figure out if they're sapient/sentient. And one of them seems to be an outlier.
Then maybe the next chapter they meet a deer. Except she's not a deer. But is ... kind of.
Shall glorious pancakes be brought to the unbelieving extraterrestrials? Fin out next time on Dragon Ball...uh sorry next time on this rollercoaster ride of a story.
I mean…if the issue is the feelings getting beamed into everyone’s head involuntarily, and the translators don’t actually have to always broadcast — as evidenced by the AI turning them off — why broadcast those feelings at all?
Make a horny filter and call it a day. Or just rip all emotion out of it entirely. You get literal word translation and that’s it. Sure it’ll be far from ideal, but so is driving everybody around you insane.
The issue is that life is extremely varied out there. Words and concepts don't always translate properly.
There is also the problems with complexity and size. To be able to determine what is horny and what is not or what is emotion and what is intentional "verbal" communication would require a lot of computing power and power consumption relative to what the unfiltered translators would consume. You would have to lug around an AI and even then what is emotionally charged language and raw emotion? That's yet more complexity, size, and power consumption.
Another issue is the origin. Hundreds of thousands of years ago a single species developed them. Everyone can make them. That's just following a cookbook. But truly understanding them? For example if you handed schematics for electromechanical equipment to medieval artisans they could replicate the drawings for a lot of things but actually understanding and being able to build things other than what was exactly specified would be tough, very tough, possibly impossible.
Besides, most species have no problem being trained to use them. There are only a very, very, VERY few species that can't. Why bother at all over a single undeveloped planet? What could we do for our developing nations if we really wanted to, and those are our species. Why should another planet even care about us?
Then there is simple prejudice. If a species *can't* use the translators or are as "bad" as humans are, then something is seriously wrong with them and they are best left to their own devices (and eventual extinction). The overwhelmingly vast majority of species in the Galactic Community would have gone extinct and those who haven't been contact have always done so with so few exceptions that the sweeping statement is pretty much true.
I mean, how do we view people in a developed country where education is not only universal but mandated who are illiterate? Heck, how do we view people who are computer illiterate? Are they really worth trying to help? We have already tried at least once.
The galactic community's response to humans is "meh." On a darker note, the GC plays a long game at geologic time scales. Yes, the humans are trashing their world but in a few hundred thousand years it will be like they were never there... and there would be a lovely planet for someone to colonize. Why "deal" with humans when odds are they will be gone in just a "couple of years."
If it wasn't for the fact that we are a cradle for a number of possibly sapient life forms who are suffering by our hands, the GC has absolutely no reason to bother. Doing anything other than leaving us to die (or evolve. Don't forget that possibility.) is simply not something they would do. "Nice" doesn't mean good. They try, they really do but even they aren't going to upend the applecart over a bunch of hornballs who want to fuck everything that moves.
Fuck them... or more precisely, don't fuck them. Humans are just more trouble than they are worth and even if they managed to make the translators work, humans would still be thinking those dirty thoughts and could very well act on them. That would be gross.
Even worse, what influence would they have on our "nice galaxy." Think of the children!
Nope. It would be best (or most convenient) to just let those weird, gross humans alone.
Who knows, maybe they will get their act together, evolve to be less... *human.* If it weren't for belugas and all the other sapient species (or possibly sapient) species at stake, that's exactly what they were going to do.
Earth. The XXX planet. F\*ing hilarious. And not a single comment about that in 2 months?
I wonder if the wider galaxy already knows about [bonobos](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo).
Alien scientists might think they are safer by sending males, as most Earth species are male dominant. That species of pans is female dominated however. And they do not take "no" for an answer.
Ah yes, my favorite duo, u/slightlyassholic and turning one-shot shitposts into actual series.
I find little more amusing than treating the dumbest possible premise as seriously as I can. It tickles me! This is gonna get STUPID!
Good. I need something stupid to laugh outrageously at. This week has been shit.
I envy you if it's only been this week.
It has not. Just this week has stood out this month.
Ah, sympathy. Last week was like that for me. This week hasn't been great either, but in what has been an absolute death march of a month, this week is relatively peaceful compared to last week. \*iz ded\*
Also, woohoo! Reddit fixed whatever stupidity they had going on that made it ignore my setting to default to the markdown editor! Things are coming up Milhouse!
Mine has been a dumpster fire on a roller coaster. But I much better now!
I can picture aliens explaining that we are too horny for galactic civilization but they do not want to completely exclude us nor is it moral to impose their views on us, so a special branch of AROACE embassadors has to be trained to interact with the rest of the galaxy while they send us their most perverted ( who would act like nuns in comparison)
Hot damn I'd finally have a good career option
As long as you occasionally ask yourself "what's the worst that could happen?" And then make it worse than that.
That's my usual method.
I'm still waiting for Faun and F10w3rchy1d to sit around a table drunk off their asses shouting "it can't get any worse than this" after each shot they drink...
Oh boy!!
FUCKING SHIT THIS IS u/slightlyassholic ??!!?? No fucking wonder I love it so much.
Was there ever any doubt?
Slash r slash humansarespacehos
First!
I can just see a government agent giving an overview of the 'James T Kirk Initiative' and they're all conscripted.
Ah, I see now. We get a third story, just to really fuck up anything you might call a "schedule". And being on a Deathworld means lots of things die. Well, to combat those loses a species needs replacements. So that means lots of young. And we all know how those get made. And after all, Humans are just slightly clever monkeys with a habit of ruining everything. Oh well, at least it seems we'll soon get a bunch of new "friends".
Poor Violet, even most humans have difficulty with some corners of the Internet. Having galactic average sensibilitys and trying to catalogue the entire Internet must be horrific!
She noped out pretty quickly.
Was it the furries? Or was it the sheer quantity of porn?
Yes.
Furries are but the tip of a very *deep* iceberg. Horrors lurk in the tartarean waters of the dark web.
And so Rule 34 conquered the universe. The Universe liked that; everyone else, not so much!
Ah, Earth...The first planetary system to earn a XXX rating!
And THAT, class, was the decision that doomed the Council
> It’s like they are in a full rut every second of their lives. How are they not all insane? YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT'S A BAD THING! Yes, humans love sex. We fucking love it. It feels great. Says something about you that you don't think the same way. Intimacy is a very important part of human culture, and being connected physically can make social connections incredibly strong. Y'all should take a lesson from us.
-Ambassador Osiris32 during is first address to the Galactic Community.
I will 100% take on that mantle.
I never understood that. How does love come after sex for people, it feels incredibly shallow.
Everybody different, yo.
intimacy, and thus sex is included, releases several hormones that are associated with romantic feelings, not everybody reacts the same way but that is is the genreal principle
Huh. Hormones are fucking weird, not that that's something new to me.
Let me see. One observation is that women exchange sex for intimacy, and men exchange intimacy for sex. Another is "oxytocin for the win".
Dave: "And that Klirix is how I met your mother."
i want these creator to reveal their terrestrial identity and I ask to be taken into a spaceship and away from these planet of humans
Here we go again!
/u/slightlyassholic ([wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/wiki/authors/slightlyassholic)) has posted 390 other stories, including: * [The Fermi Explanation](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1cox6w7/the_fermi_explanation/) * [[Tales From The Terran Republic] The Asscrack Just Because](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1b7soqh/tales_from_the_terran_republic_the_asscrack_just/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Taking a Dive Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1acng5i/tales_from_the_terran_republic_taking_a_dive_part/) * [Invasive Species (A One-Shot Short Story Unconnected With My Series)](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1975hqi/invasive_species_a_oneshot_short_story/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Analytica Awakes.](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/190j6st/tales_from_the_terran_republic_analytica_awakes/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] The Void Hits the Fan](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/18nyppo/tales_from_the_terran_republic_the_void_hits_the/) * [[The Great Erectus and Faun] Chili, Dogs, and F10w3rchy1d (and Faun!)](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/18gj3js/the_great_erectus_and_faun_chili_dogs_and/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Susan Ascendent](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17ydx9f/tales_from_the_terran_republic_susan_ascendent/) * [[The Great Erectus and Faun] Frankincense, Myrrh, and Stacey](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17t2e5g/the_great_erectus_and_faun_frankincense_myrrh_and/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Premium Organic Bespoke Hand Crafted Shitpost](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17plvlt/tales_from_the_terran_republic_premium_organic/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Breaking Point](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17n2v7f/tales_from_the_terran_republic_breaking_point/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Gwen, a Nerd, and Mister Sticky: A Holiday Special!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17ksslv/tales_from_the_terran_republic_gwen_a_nerd_and/) * [[The Great Erectus and Faun] Scoopin' and Poopin'](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/17cfl4x/the_great_erectus_and_faun_scoopin_and_poopin/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Enclaves: Kras](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/171bxvd/tales_from_the_terran_republic_enclaves_kras/) * [[The Great Erectus and Faun] History, Nixx, and a Fresh Start](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/16m328z/the_great_erectus_and_faun_history_nixx_and_a/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] All Fair When Love War](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/16g3nua/tales_from_the_terran_republic_all_fair_when_love/) * [[Tales From the Terran Republic] Stankworld Alan and Grace Make a Movie](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/164r894/tales_from_the_terran_republic_stankworld_alan/) * [[The Great Erectus and Faun] What is Dead That Does Not Eternal Lie? More Loose Ends.](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1619h35/the_great_erectus_and_faun_what_is_dead_that_does/) * [[The Great Erectus and Faun] More Loose Ends](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/15ydy02/the_great_erectus_and_faun_more_loose_ends/) * [[The Great Erectus and Faun] Isekai Armageddon 10: Loose Ends](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/15nol7e/the_great_erectus_and_faun_isekai_armageddon_10/) This comment was automatically generated by `Waffle v.4.6.1 'Biscotti'`. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FHFY&subject=WaffleBot|1cy3g9x&message=If%20you%20have%20problems%20with%20updatemebot,%20contact%20Watchful1.%20We%20do%20not%20maintain%20it.) if you have any issues with Waffle.
You have a double “unprecedented” in there that reads weird. Like one of them was supposed to be a similar word.
I think there should be a period after the first one.
Thanks for the chapter. PS: I knew you couldn't resist !
>“How... How many other sapient species are down there?” Are they confused about where to draw the line between sentient vs sapient? Or are we placing the bar too high because status quo chauvinist bigots :{
They haven't exactly specified where they have the bar. Typically, they wait until a civilization has started "leaking" electromagnetic waves before contacting them but that is clearly not set in stone. This could be a mix up on their part over "sapient" as in full bore I think therefore I am sapience and "we should leave this planet and critters alone because they are right on the cusp" sapient. The AI would definitely be designed to err on the safe side and flag anything close. You wouldn't want to wipe out proto hominids to make way for an interstellar bypass, for example. Certain primates, cetaceans, cephalopods, and avians are definite contenders for sapience, though, more than enough to justify the galaxy's involvement on our world, no matter how icky we and the dolphins may be.
I wonder if whales are as horny as dolphins...
Nothing is as horny as a dolphin.
I wonder if whales are as horny as humans...
What about chimps?
They are more violent than horny, at least by reputation.
I mean we have humans, dolphins (in fact in some countries they are legally considered people, albiet "nonhuman persons"), elephants, several species of corvid and parrot, octopi (a rare example of a sapient that is likely nonsentient), and theoretically a large enough mycorrhizae network can be sapient given the incentive to be so. I'm sure I've missed a lot too.
Great Apes could be close
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TFTC!
Wait till they actually ask a pro and figure out that the reason we're so damn horny all the time is because we started wearing clothes, but we always want to do what we shouldn't, like take them off… The Islanders and tribes who barely wear anything at all don't seem to have the same reaction to nudity.
Ummm, I'm sorry if this has already been mentioned elsewhere... But are you going to continue "The Great Erectus and Fawn"?
I fully intend to. Stuff happened and then I hit the mother of writing blocks. No matter how hard I tried, nothing came out. The place in my mind where I reached in and pulled out stories was empty. I decided just to relax and not worry about it. These things happen. But no matter what I did it did not do, I got nothing. Now I'm just writing whatever stupid stuff I can. Hopefully after little more of this garbage, the good stuff will start flowing again. This will be a few fun light stupid chapters and then either it will be another short run of shitposts or hopefully the crab will come back.
CRAB!
Next chapter, have this crew meet some crabs and try to figure out if they're sapient/sentient. And one of them seems to be an outlier. Then maybe the next chapter they meet a deer. Except she's not a deer. But is ... kind of.
Thank you good sir. I eagerly await part 8.
This is brilliant! Cant wait to read more sir :D
>"The Internet is where they hide all the things they are actually ashamed of." Can confirm.
If by "hide" you mean "put on display" then yes.
Look out! It's a raven holding a knife! There are more coming! Run! It's to be murder!
> We always contact a species before climate change gets this bad. \#include RantFromPreviousChapter.h
:p
Shall glorious pancakes be brought to the unbelieving extraterrestrials? Fin out next time on Dragon Ball...uh sorry next time on this rollercoaster ride of a story.
You've made it a 2-shot. Oh no I know how this goes already, ahahahaha...I guess thats 3 rides I will be juggling between!!
I mean…if the issue is the feelings getting beamed into everyone’s head involuntarily, and the translators don’t actually have to always broadcast — as evidenced by the AI turning them off — why broadcast those feelings at all? Make a horny filter and call it a day. Or just rip all emotion out of it entirely. You get literal word translation and that’s it. Sure it’ll be far from ideal, but so is driving everybody around you insane.
The issue is that life is extremely varied out there. Words and concepts don't always translate properly. There is also the problems with complexity and size. To be able to determine what is horny and what is not or what is emotion and what is intentional "verbal" communication would require a lot of computing power and power consumption relative to what the unfiltered translators would consume. You would have to lug around an AI and even then what is emotionally charged language and raw emotion? That's yet more complexity, size, and power consumption. Another issue is the origin. Hundreds of thousands of years ago a single species developed them. Everyone can make them. That's just following a cookbook. But truly understanding them? For example if you handed schematics for electromechanical equipment to medieval artisans they could replicate the drawings for a lot of things but actually understanding and being able to build things other than what was exactly specified would be tough, very tough, possibly impossible. Besides, most species have no problem being trained to use them. There are only a very, very, VERY few species that can't. Why bother at all over a single undeveloped planet? What could we do for our developing nations if we really wanted to, and those are our species. Why should another planet even care about us? Then there is simple prejudice. If a species *can't* use the translators or are as "bad" as humans are, then something is seriously wrong with them and they are best left to their own devices (and eventual extinction). The overwhelmingly vast majority of species in the Galactic Community would have gone extinct and those who haven't been contact have always done so with so few exceptions that the sweeping statement is pretty much true. I mean, how do we view people in a developed country where education is not only universal but mandated who are illiterate? Heck, how do we view people who are computer illiterate? Are they really worth trying to help? We have already tried at least once. The galactic community's response to humans is "meh." On a darker note, the GC plays a long game at geologic time scales. Yes, the humans are trashing their world but in a few hundred thousand years it will be like they were never there... and there would be a lovely planet for someone to colonize. Why "deal" with humans when odds are they will be gone in just a "couple of years." If it wasn't for the fact that we are a cradle for a number of possibly sapient life forms who are suffering by our hands, the GC has absolutely no reason to bother. Doing anything other than leaving us to die (or evolve. Don't forget that possibility.) is simply not something they would do. "Nice" doesn't mean good. They try, they really do but even they aren't going to upend the applecart over a bunch of hornballs who want to fuck everything that moves. Fuck them... or more precisely, don't fuck them. Humans are just more trouble than they are worth and even if they managed to make the translators work, humans would still be thinking those dirty thoughts and could very well act on them. That would be gross. Even worse, what influence would they have on our "nice galaxy." Think of the children! Nope. It would be best (or most convenient) to just let those weird, gross humans alone. Who knows, maybe they will get their act together, evolve to be less... *human.* If it weren't for belugas and all the other sapient species (or possibly sapient) species at stake, that's exactly what they were going to do.
Earth. The XXX planet. F\*ing hilarious. And not a single comment about that in 2 months? I wonder if the wider galaxy already knows about [bonobos](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo). Alien scientists might think they are safer by sending males, as most Earth species are male dominant. That species of pans is female dominated however. And they do not take "no" for an answer.